October 1976 - Helen Keller Is Not A Rock Star

8/15/2019 October 1976 - Helen Keller Is Not A Rock Star

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THE AUTHORS WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND THEIR SPECIAL THANX Tor

Mercy Van Vlack, coverBob kwns , page 6

Mike FlynnBrry B r o e r t j e sJack HarrisRich MorrisseyMike ValerioScott ShermanDenny RoyPh i l Seu l ingSol Harr isonJ e n e t t e KahnJu l i e Schwar tzLen WeinMarty PaskoDuffy VohlandE. Nelson BridwellMitch I tkowitzKen GaleJi m Shooter

The ar t i s t s-

The cast( i n o rde r o f appearance )

--

The cast(honorable mention)--

Gary BrownL i a m O'ConnorMartin BerkenwaldEarl ButzCarmine InfantinoSteve Englehar tStan LeeScott Fdelman

Steve Biasi , page 13Chuck Nanco , bacover

Murray BoltinoffDave CockrumMike G r e l lMercy Van VlackDennis C i e r iJer ry Siege1Joe Shus te rJoe KubertGerry ConwayDenny O ' N e i lCary B t e sJack Sch i f fMark GasparGwen SeulingDebbie FixSh el ly MayerChar les Span i e r

The Si ng le Honest De ale r

Roger SternR o g e r S l i f e rDon McGregorSteve GerberHoward RogofskyRobert BellAlan LightJ e f f Wasserman

The c a s t--( they ' re dead , bu t l e t ' s give them the recogni t ion they deserve)

Vaughn Bode Helen Kel le rAnd a Q of the Broert jes Beany and I tkowitz Icebag-o :- - -- --

B i l l Mttntlo

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HELEN KELLW IS NOT A ROCK STAR is published once and for a l l anda t l a s t by Harry "I Think I t D s im e f o r Running f o r Cover" Broert -jes and Mitch " W i l l You Do th e Fandango?" I tk owitz f o r inc lus ioni n the f i f t h specta cular annish of APA-5, 6 0 , t he th i rd ga laxy-gal loping mai l ing of In t er la c - oth i n October, 1976 - nd the145th mailin g o f th e grandpappy of 'em all, MA-alpha, November,1976. L i t t l e Brother s t r i ke s again wi th h is 22d vi r tuoso appear -ance a t th e keyboards while the pr in te ra s dev i l propagates th e in-ev it ab le Scaramouch a l a d e n . Special thanks go t o Rich Morris-s e y f o r g i v i ng us something t o ta lk about .s h o r t l y , t h i s i s a repor t on the 1976 Supermanas Bi rth da y Conven-ti o n , held February 27-29 a t the Hotel Americana, l a t e r t o becometh e f o r t re s s of th e Powerhouse Peanut , i n N e w York Ci ty . The BigBlue Cheese i s now on the wrong side of 40,

A s w i l l become clear

* * *he Soporif ic Imperat ive (1)T- Few people are aware of i t , but February 27 i s a day best re-served f o r hiding under the covers, pi l low clenched over th e head,nev er t o buc',ge again u n t i l dawn breaks over th e 28th. This is espec-i a l l y t ru e a t 10-year invervals when the year ends with a 6.

o f t h i s - n2 of th e su re s t of t r u th s ever t o be perceived on God'sgreat , gre en B r t h - v iden t ly is l i mi t ed t o j u s t a few of i t s wisestdenizens.ing, headliiie-grabbing emergencies, but onl y minor di sa st er s whichdon't ser iol isly bother anyone out sid e of a small c i r c l e o f f r i e n d s -and manage a . l ong t he way t o qu i t e ne a t ly shoo t the he l l ou t o f the dayas w e l l . A t - t h e s , too , th e minor ef fe ct s of th e unfor tunate day l in-ge r f o r somt; time c To w i t :

Knowledge

Perhaps this i s so because the day b r ings no t Br th - sh a t t e r -

ON FF33R:lARY 27, 1936:

diJ FEBRUARY 27, 1 9 6 :

O N FEBRUARY 27, 1956:

ON FEBRUARY 27, 1966:

ON FEBRUARY 27, 1976:

Tarzan missed the v ine and f e l l i n to anelephantOs reminder.c l o t h did he have, And no spare l o i n -

L i t t l e Gary Brown was s t u f f e d i n t o a bur lapsack by hi s parents and tossed in to th er iv er . The president of th e lo ca l SPCA,who happened t o be nearby, mi si nt er pr et edthe even t , dove in t o the r iv e r and re -t r i eved the sack and i t s precious contents.Cla rk Kent engaged in autoer oticis m f o r thef i r s t - nd o n l y - ime, i nadver t en t lycausing the ce i l in g above him t o cave in.He was evic ted and a f e w days l e t e r movedt o 344. Clinton St .L i a m O'Connor l o s t t h e 1 4t h Annual New YorkCit y Stomach Rumbling Competition i n ahea rtbr eak er t o eight-year-old Mike Flynnof t h e Bronx, who prepa red by dr in ki ng aquart and a hal f of East River water.Neither one has been quite the same evers ince ,Well, i t D s ind of a l o ng s t o r y , s e e , a .

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a te t o bed and e a r l y t o g e t UE---Makes a fan bleary-eyed, brain-fried --nd fed 2 2)To hear Harry t e l l i t , th e night of February 26 was some night, A t work,

A ft e r work, he and h i s fello w underpaid misera bles from t h eth e computer behaved l i k e a wel l - t ra ined e r ec to r s e t , and he even made all o f h i sdeadl ines (a lmost ) .c i t y and news desks t ra ip se d over t o t he c l os es t th in g Middletown, N.Y., has t o adisco bar ( the juke box had 101 S tr in g s doing "Boogie Fev er" ), where the y huddledover a few pitchers and too-sour Hazvey Wallbangers in t h e c o rn e r an d p l o t t e d acoup d'Times Herald-Record u n t i l t h e 4 yem closing time.t o Bu ll vi l l e , managing along th e way t o avoid th e potholes and s t r a y cows, ands e t t l e d i n t o a r es t fu l s l ee p th e moment h i s head h i t t he pi l low . . .hen mrry drive home

U n t i l t h e f r i g g i n g alarm clock woke him a t 9 0 Disorganized synapses i n h i sbra in suddenly were sparked t o l i f e , neura l impulses f l a sh ing h i t h e r and yon i nth e seemingly confused but a ct u al ly highl y organized manner of a beehive - rGrand Central S ta t i on d uring th e morning ru sh hour.remembered: Today's th e day. Fr id ay , th e f i r s t day of t he con, He had t o ge tmovingThe f o g l i f t e d a nd Harry

So he slowly nursed a cup of reheated coffee as he scanned th e Late Fina led it io n, approaching wakefulness, By 10 o*clock, he w a s s tepping into the shower .(Cue f o r th e phone t o r ing. )"Who t h e fuck , . ' I he snar led, For tun a te ly f o r h is easy-going image, t h i swas befor e he picked up th e receive r.

A t t he o the r end was National f&&$ E d i t o r i a l A s s i s t a n t J ac k Harris withword the s t a f f of t h e Hotel Commodore had gone on s t r i k e and t h e con had beenmoved lo ck , st oc k and bi rth da y cake t o th e Americana, Wonderful, Jack. "Oh,by the way, Harry, we' re t ry ing t o g e t t h e word ou t t o everyone ,t he rad io and TV s t a t i o ns and con t ac t i ng t he papers ,your f r i en ds and l e t them know?'' Uh, su re Ja ck .

We're c a l l i n gDo you think you could c a l l

Now you m u s t understand t ha t Harry onl y rec en tly lea rn ed how t o come i n fromt h e rain en d i s s t i l l deb atin g whether t o brus h up-and-down o r back-and-forth.Hence, everything d id n P t c l ick a l l a t once, H i s New York-type f an ni sh f r i e n d s , i tgoes without saying, were A ) going t o f i n d ou t abou t t h e swi t ch before t h e con' s 4pyem s t a r t i n g t ime, if, ndeed, t hey hadn' t a l ready learned of i t , o r B) they'dhave smarts enough t o f i g u r e o u t t h e s c en e a f t e r t h e y a r r i v e d a t t h e Commodore, S ow h a t d id Harry do? Why, he s tood t he re , s t a r k naked and dr ipp ing wet i n t he l i v in groom and called as many people as he could reach, includ ing - epartment of redun-dancy department - Mike Flynn, whom he'd be meeting p r i o r t o t h e con. One of t h epeople he did n' t reach was Rich Morr issey, whoOd a l ready l e f t th e Boston a rea i n arent-a-car with a few f r ie nds , Theyod ju s t have t o brave th e wi ld byways of Man-hattan by t h e s e a t s of t h e i r p a n ts .

Meantime, Harry shivered, then sneezed; a headache was coming on, He f e l tt i r e d and miserable , Hung over, i n fac t , B u t he threw back hi s shoulders def iant -l y , an expression of grim determination came over his fac e, and he st a l ke d meaning-f u l l y back t o his shower,

A l l t h e h o t water had been used up, Boy, did c_hat wake him up when he steppedi n t o t h e t ub !

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eave the Drivfn-g--o Us ( 3 )-i---On t h e roa d t o Manhattan: Fi nd ing 7Pnt-a-ca-r %Q " s prhaps,

easy as had been expected. Rich Momissey went t o Hei tz and the y saidO n t h e o t h e r h a d , Avis welcomed him - nd his bucks - with open arms.There were f o u r in t h e car: Rich; Mike V d e r i o , whc@s een on t h e kfandoin f o r m a n y a year; S c o t t Sheman, fsa-t rat and b ee r b t e r ( you go f

o u t ) , and Denny Roy, then a K-a hopeful cosmic grea ser whose l u s t for a, b e a u t i f u lw o m n 5s s m s s e d o n l y by h i s l u s t f o r a HZirley 'i,2Occ SupeGl ide ,Vhlch might he why Denny was t h e o n l y one of %heyual-tet who eventually madei t t o the con with some color xemaining i n h is face.behiEd the wheel i s not somethjng you re so rt t o a t t h e clrop of a funnybook. Ba-s i c a l l y , i t ' s a matter e i t h e r of despcx-atiun o r of i p o r a n c e ,for h i s nod i f i ed dernolktion derby s t y l e o f driving - ut gen eral ly speaking, heknows ~ h t , e w s doing and ailways k e e ~ i s head, Rich, on t h e o t h e r hand n INel19 woCll give gel) &n exmlile:

You see , r i d i n g with RichHarry's w e l l known

He Ttras t ood l ing dowrr t h e road somewhere i n Connecticut comfortably seaeed,his r ight . a.rm s t r e t c h e d o u t a long th e b c k of t h e f r o n t seat , dr iv ing wi th h i s l e f thand, Y:C!-erioS i n -the Pmnt p s s e n g e r r s seat , asked W"Lh something; and Richturned kc him and launched i n t o cz comprehensive aiswer, h L s eyes never s%X'aying__ - y u ~ nVit3 e r i o F s now-te-miified visage . Response completed, Rich then returne d h i sa t t en t i c i l t o thc road whil e Valerio pul led h i s red jacket over h is head, hudd edbml; ant, Ln a treiribling snutter - 4-f t he re be such 2 tone o f voice - a i d t o noC ~ Et1 p a r t i c u l a r , " L e t me know when we g e t t o t h e ho te l . Our Fi" h e r , Who a r t I nHeaven, hallowed be .-e Nanhattan Transfer 4)

A t about the s m e t ime, Harry dr ive in to the Bronx - u s t as M a r t i n B e r -kenlwald was leaving, which i s just as well because he wasnett going t o se e Mar-tin an;Yway, In fac t , his d e s t i n a t i o n was 1 3 9 Herschel l St r ee t , rn 1800s v in tagetenement i n the South B x ~ n x ,where Mike Flynn makes h i s home whi le n ot o f f i nWashington as Earl R u t z @PR consul tant ,bu i ld ing on thp b lock t ha t wasn't Fumed out ,lock ing a11 t he door s of h i s 1974 Squeakmobile 11, confident no one would he a b l et o break in , and casually walked the 10 feet, t o Mike 's f ro nt door, p o l i t e l y d e cl i n-i n g t h e offers of two middle-aged women and four of "Heal dynamJ.te s h i t , man!'' alongt h e way

It wasn ' t hard t o f i n d , being the onlyHarry parked in f :wnt9 careful ly

Ins ide , he f s md Mike hunched ove r hi s d a i l y noontime meal of Dannon prune whipyogur t and a bowl of baked beans, "Br~jj!'~ike ejacul -a ted, "How ya doin ' , man?"And with t h a t , t he pa i r a rgued f o r t h e next hour over who has th e be t t e r super-power, Duo I!a,mseP o r Matter-Ekter Lad, Their earnest d iscussion cont inued as t heybundled up t o leave f o r th e con and as an a s i d e Mike mentioned he was going t ost op of f a long th e way t o v i s i t h i s grandmother , who w a s hosp i t a l i zed a f t e r readinga copy o f Howard--h e Duck #3 a f e w days ear l i e r . No problem, Harry s a i d - ou cans t o p off on th e way i n t o Manhattan.Squeakmobile lacking t hr e e t i r e s , i t s hood, b at te ry and antenna. They opted t ota ke t h e subway ins tea d. "Heh, heh," Harry chor t l ed as he unlocked the car andpul led out a shopping bag f u l l of Outposts t o s e l l a t the con.break -n t o t h e car!"

But upon reaching the s t reet they found the

"I knew no one would

Mike got o f f at 88 th Street on th e Lexington Avenue l i n e , which i s something


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hardly anybody does nowadays since the nearest station i s a t 8 6t h S t r e e t ,continued on t o j ls t St re e t and hied himself halfway across Manhattan Is lan d t oSev enth Avenue, huff huff *wheeze*. By t h e time he reached the hotel he wishedth a t bag fu l l o f Outpos ts was worth i t s weight i n gold as well as being as heavy.(And t h e f ac t that i t

Harry

as heavy as i t s weight i n gold w a s abs olut ely no consol-- a t io n t o him,)

Now what?, as Murray Bla sto ff would say. Well, f o r one th ing , H a r r y hadnever got ten around t o lea rning t he a r t of chic lateness - h e p r a c t i c e o f a r r i v -ing a t a soc ia l even t a couple of hours a f t e r i t ' s begun,under th e heading of s oc ia l ev ents, so th e a b i l i t y would have come i n p a r t i c u l a r l yhandi ly in this case. The benefi ts of chic la teness are twofold, you see: F i r s t ,when you a r r i v e a t a' p a r t y o r g a th er in g o fsome s o r t , you can berela t ively sure some-one you know w i l l a l -reacy be th er e, whichmeans you won't have t owander around aimless-l y , s e ar c hi n g f o r a fa-miliar face i n a mob ofst ra ng er s, And second- n d t h i s i s moresub t l e , w i th a dash o fsnobbishness thrown i nf o r good measure -l a t e ar r i va l makes itappear as though you'vegot more importantthin gs cookin' on t h ef ront burner than toworry about reachingyour dest inat ion ontime.

Cons, of course, f a l l

- - - _L

Well, Harry a i n ' tchi c and he a i n ' t snob-bish; jus t your a l l -around good guy andpoor s o u l . The con wast o s t a r t a t 4, nd bygol ly , Harry ar r i ved a tt h e h o t e l a t 4 harp.Only he ended up w ai ti ng i n l i n e f o r 45 minutes while premier con man PhilSeuling and a ll breed and manner o f hi s f r ien ds and kin , a long wi th Sol Harrisonand hi s young Rockeplaza F el le rs , sc urr ied h it he r and yon, carryin g boxes f u l l ofsomething here, bags f u l l of something e l s e the re , f r a n t i c a l ly bu t wi th a c e r t a i ntenuous cool . Meantime, the de ale rs were strug glin g with t h e i r precious cargoes,t ry in g anx ious ly to sa fe ly guide t he i r p i led -h igh do l l i e s down the f l i gh t o f s t a i r sfrom th e 52d S tr ee t entran ce, where th e crowd of eager National P erio dica l Pubescentswas gathered.

care of, making small ta lk wi th th e people around him i n th e l i ne ,of h is w a i t it was g e t t i n g a b i t d u l l , although there w a s a momentary s t i r when oneof t h e d e a l e r s , a l i t t l e to o am bit io us f o r t h e s i z e of h i s car t , l e t a, box of Golden

Harry s to ica l ly wa it ed f o r the l as t-minu te p repara t ions t o be t akenToward the end


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Agers s l i p f r o m hi s guiding, grubbing hands and they sp i l l e d a l l o v e r t h e steps.B u t you had t o be quick t o ca tch th e s pec t ac le because 4 ,3 seconds l a t e r t h e s t a i r swere bare and several dozen f q s were s t a r in g innocent ly a t t h e s l o p e d c e i l i n g ,hands c l a sp e d b eh in d t h e i r bac ks, w h i s t l i n g l i t t l e t u n e s ; s h i r t s , c o a t s , p a n t s a ndpockets bulging.Cheering w a s res erv ed f o r Seu l ing 's costermongering announcement t o t h e as-

sembled multi tude that he w a s s o r r y everyone had t o w a i t so long , bu t t h e con f i -n a l l y was opening and would everyone please s ta y put i n th e r eg is t r a t io n l i n e ,one-day memberships t o t he r i g h t , advance memberships t o t he l e f t , and have amarvelous - a ha - im e, everyone! Someone y e l l ed , "When's Carmine showing up,Phi l?" Sol h kr i s o n , who'd j u s t walked up t o Seu l ing , s a i d "H e won't be he re ,son 'I "Yeah," Seuling added, "He showed up a t t h e Commodore and th ey went onstr ike. W a r e n ' t l e t t i n g him w i t h in 10 blocks of here ,"IL wasn't too long before Harry w a s i n t h e dealers mom, He made a quick so l of l i g h t a ro un d t h e p l a c e, snarfed up some Dennises and a few new t i t l e s , s a i d h i t oa couple of vague acqua intances, and f i n a l ly s e t t l e d himse l f down on th e f lo o r ne art h e e n t r an c e , back t o t h e w a l l , began re ading th e books and awaited th e a r r iv a l oft h e Bay Sta t e en tourage ,

& Kingdom Come, Thy ___.--i l l B e Bone ( 5 )Dri vi ng down Second Avenue: "Goddammit, Rich, f o r t h e l a s t time w i l l you--ook before you change lanes?!T

n C m e You're Wondering . e2 (6)- - 1 __I-_When you g e t down t o it, a COL is a con i s a con, There are gues t s and a r te x h i b i t s , f i l m s and panels , dea le r s and sno tnosed k ids wi th f i s t s f u l o f bucksj u s t d r o o l in g o ve r t h e d e l i g h t f u l p ro s pe ct o f b e in g ri p pe d o f f ,Mitch overheard one de al er remarking t o a cohor t that h e' d d e ci d ed n o t t o r i p o f f

a ny more l i t t l e k i ds t h a t day,color ing h i s v o i c e ,and move on t o t h e h a r d e r s tu f f f o r t h e i r t h r i l l s - i k e *gulp* o r ig in a l a r t ,maybe,w e can use l i k e Steve Ehglehalfc can use an oth er deadl ine. "

A t one point ,

"Theysre ge t t i ng spo i l ed , " he sa id , a w i s t f u l t one"Pre t t y soon t hey ' l l s t a r t t a ki n g t h e i r r i p o f f s f o r g ra nt edThey might even st,art dea l i rLgr ipo f f s on t h e i r own - nd more com pet itio n

A couple of weeks a f t e r th e con, ne i t he r Mitch nor Harry could th in k of any-t h i n g s i g n i f i c a n t t o s a y ab ou t t h e con i t s e l f ,f o r th e most pa rt t o some of th e company's more notab le or ig in al pages and covers- ut when y ouo re not th e typ e of person who ge ts o f f on examining a page down t ot h e l a s t Dick Giordano penstro ke, th er e a i n P t much t o be sa i d about something yousaw a few yea rs ago i n f ou r l i v i ng colors . Except t o make a ba llp ar k g uess of howmany thousands of dollars i t a l l was worth,

A r t ex hib i t s ? They were l im i te d

Films? Exac t ly w h a t you'd ex pe ct : The second Wonder Woman p i l o r , which wasfunny as h e l l ; a Batman serial , which was p r et ty much bori ng as h e l l ; a few Super-man and Batman TV episodes, which were fami l ia r as he l l ; t he Supe rboy p i l o t , whichwas p a t h e t i c as h e l l , an d a bunch of o t h e r s t u f f that nobody bother ed t o catch.Pa ne ls ? About Wonder Woman, t h e educa ti on al va lu e of co mics, Batman, Superman,Tarzan, comic sc ri pt in g, i f memory se rv es , alon g with th e hands-down f av o r it e -need we sa y which? - he Legion panel,Dealers? There were lotsa DCs on di splay, l o t s a Marvel s - ut net too many


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Howards, tha nk Se ns ei , some U G s , no t to o many f am in es , f a r t o o many g l i t t e r s h e e t sand a s t ro n om i c al p r i c e s . E n t i r e l y s t a n da r d .Oh yeah. Everywhere you looke d, t h e r e were Si eg e1 and Shu ste r.And if you kept your eyes open, there were occasional g l impses of Jenet te Kahnt o be had - nd she appears , wi thout a d o ub t , t o be t h e s e x i e s t p u b l i s h e r DC hasever had. T a l l , s l e n d e r , r a v e n- t r e ss e d , e v i d e n t l y co n f i de n t i n a l l type and manner

o f s o c i a l s i t u a t i o n - h e k i nd of Park Avenue woman who reads-iva and then , t omake sur e she 's up on ever ythi ng, read s Playboy as well .Rich was t h e o n l y p er s on i n t h e l i t t l e gr ou p who had a chance t o speak wi th he rdur ing the con - n d t o t h i s d a y he r e f u s e s t o s a y what i t was t h e y d i s c u s se d ,There are rumors he t o l d he r how g re at ly he admired Murray Bolt ino ff and hi s work,and how Murray shou ld be gi ve n a dozen more books t o e d i t - nd tha t she responded ,t e l l i n g h i m that j u s t t o show how impressed she was w i t h h i s f e r v e n t p l e a , s h e 'd dosometh ing about Murray' s s ta tu s . A s i t t u rned ou t l a t e r ,J u s t rumors, you understand,There a l so were plen ty of p ros wander ing around dur ing th e con ' s th re e days;

a t t imes, th e Marvel people seemed ea s i l y t o outnumber t h e E pe op le , Word had itthat t h e B a t t y B ul lp en r e a l l y o n o t r u l ywanted the DC con t o go o v e r well, becausei t would bode w e l l f o r t h e i r own s h i n d i g a cou ple of months l a t e r , (Bode's dead,s o t h a t ' s k i n d a . . , a w , f o r g e t i t , ) But th ey must've l e f t downhearted, becausemaybe 1,000 f en showed up f o r t h e DC con; Seu l ing and Nat ional pa i d th rough t hep r o ve r b i al n o se t o g e t t h e Americana a t t h e v e ry l a s t minute, and i f any money wast o be made i n t he end, i t ' s a sure be t the money w a s s a f e l y s t a sh e d i n t h e h o t e l ' sbank account, But neverl e t it be sa id t h a t ecumenism does n ' t re ig n supreme a t the lower and middle levelsof prodom, f o r sh or t l y a f t e r Harry had s e t t l e d hims elf down wi th hi s new ac qu is i-t i on s Fr iday af ternoon , he found h imsel f engaged i n a middle-of - the-a is le d iscus-s i o n w i t h J u l i e S ch wa rt z, Len Wein, Marty Pasko and Duffy Vohland,

S t a n and Carmine must have had a good cackle out of i t ,

Leagues, Lanterns, Lapses (7 )It w a s a f a n n i s h d i s c u s s i o n i n t h e h i g h e s t s e n s e of t h e word - h a t t e r , b a -

s i c a l l y , a bo ut t h e 1977 JLA summer eamup. J u l i e mentioned he had no id ea w h a ti t would involve, s o Harry and Duffy spoke up i n tandem: The Legion! J u l i e ' s chip -munk smi le remained p ast ed on h i s face , h i s eyes b lanked ou t a l i t t l e b i t a nd h egave a weak nod. "The Le gi on ," he re pe at ed noncommittally. "S ur e," Harry s a i d ."You've ne ve r done i t before - t ' s about the only new teamup l e f t anyway - ndall s o r t s of people go in to orgasms over t h e Legion." "Yeah," Duffy s ai d , j oi ni ngt h e conve ntion f l o o r bandwagon, "And it i s Natio nal 's bes t- se l l in g booko'' "TheLegion ," J u l i e repeate d , And then , t o i nd i ca t e , perhaps , tha t t h e r e were more thantwo words i n h i s vocabulary, J u l i e added: "And you, Mr. Pasko, what do you t h i n k oft h e i d e a ? " "Well sure, why not? I don ' t see why i t couldn ' t be done. If t h e J us -t i c e Society can come across t h e d imensions t o meet t h e JLA, I don ' t see why t h e Le-gion can ' t come across a thousand years. " Marty paused, then continued: "Let'ssee , now - e can make it a f o u r - p a r t e r , 17 times four bumble , mumbld timesb n d i s t i n c q a pagep l o t on your desk Monday morning!". ," Dollar s i g n s l i t up in his eyes , " J u l i e , Igll have theTriumph? Ult ima tely , al t houg h a t t h e time it seemed not , f o r whi le J u l i e ' s

benevolent nunsmile remained i n place , a very, very awkward si l en c e followed, lead-in g one t o wonder whether Ju l i e knew anyt hin g a t a l l about the Legion and was at tempt-i n g me re ly t o b e p o l i t e i n h i s i g no ra nc e , or - what? W h a t could be going through. 8 : .


9/26

t h e man's head? Had t h e p r ec e di n g a c t u a l l y passed th rough i t , i n one ear and oa;:t h e o t h e r , as it were, o r w a s t h e no t ion bounding a round i n the r e , pong l ike, 3-one lobe t o t h e o t h e r?sonan t?It's no wonder he's known and feared as t h e most poker-faced Hearts p l a y e r i n theN e w York Metropolitan Area,

Had i t s t r u c k a chord, and i f s o w a s it harmonic o r dis-There was a b s o l u t e l y no way o f t e l l i n g , j u s t f ro m l o o k i n g a t t h e man.

A t l ong , merc i fu l l a s t , Duffy broke th e s i l en ce by br ing i ng up h i s own petobsess ion - John (Green Lan ter n) St ewa rt and how he ought t o g et h i s own book EEa non-super-powered bl ac k kung f u super-h ero. J u l i e changed h i s expre ss io n slim-l y while Duffy waxed , , , eloquent about what a great comic i t would be, J u l i el i s t e n e d p o l i t e l y , b ut t h i s time you knew - he'd heard i t a l l -o many times befrm.

Meanwhile, Len had ap pr en tl y wiped ou t on Doctor Pepp er or something, havingn o t u t t e r e d a word through t h e e n t i r e exchange, And before long , when t h e convezs-t i o n $j?$$dd $$ g$&f$ih$$& $4 sc raped the bo t tom ou t o f th e ba rye1 as i t degenerate$,t h e B i g Name Pros d r i f t e d o f f t o d o wh at ev er i t i s t h e y d o w i t h o t h e r B i g Name PISa t a con , l eav ing Harry with Duffy - o r a lo ne , whichever you prefer .t h ou gh t , f o r j u s t t h e n h e n o t i c e d - Or s o he-ch Mor r i s sey-as Arr ived (8)

- nd wi t h him, h i s e n t i r e en tourage , No ca su al t i es , Denny Roy was t h ef i r s t one Harry glimpsed, w hi ch w a sn u t t o o d i f f i c u l t c o n s i d e ri n g he was t h eo n l y on e t h e r e i n a b lack l e a t h e r j acke t s o covered wi th po l i shed z ip pe r s and ch&st h a t i t ' s h az ard ous t o l o ok d i r e c t l y a t him even on a p a r t l y c loudy day , Enthus%-t i c g r e e t i n g s were handed back and f o r t h whil e S co tt Sherman, Mike Val er i o and R i c happ roached. Fu r the r g r ee t in gs , e t c e t e r a , e t c e te r a, u n t i l f i n a l l y , t h e i n ev it a bl ebr ea th le s s que ry from Rich: "Have you see n J i m Shoo te r ye t , Harry?" Well no, no%ye t. "Oh de a r, He i s coming t o t h e con , i s n ' t he?" I ' m su re he ' l l show up sooneror l a t e r , R i c h .

I'll be s t a r t i n g on i t so on, "Oh, t h a t ' s good." And Batma nia? "Why, I ' m s t i l lworking on i t , " Oh,"ErTis the new Outpost ready yet?" p t o c k answer #14g o, bu t

R ich*s a r r i va l jogged two p reoccupa t ion c i r c u i t s i n Harry ' s mind, The f i r s thad Harry's imaginat ion rac ing a t 42,000 r p m , t r y i n g t o c on co ct a means o f q u i e t l ys t r a n g l i n g R ic h for h i s C rea t ive accoun t o f convent ion s l e ep i ng a r rangemen ts i n h i s"Pros and Cons" zi ne , which he se n t th rough ju s t abou t eve ry apa i n th e l and . Andt h e s ec on d d e a l t w i t h s l e e p i n g , p e r i o d , a t t h i s pa r t i cu la r con: Where? For Harryhad n e gl e c te d t o p l a n f o r t h a t c on ti ng en cy a nd f a c e d t h e p r os p e ct o f a n i gh t i n t h egu t t er s o f Tenth Avenue unle ss he could sweet t a l k h i s way ., .(Uh oh , Rich has j u s tspot ted Nelson Br idwel l . A shudder of pure jo y over takes him, and o f f he goes t ot r a d e b a s e b a l l cards of comic eso ter ica . W won't be se ei ng much more o f Rich t h a tday . ) , . but anyway, Harry found h i s way in to t h e he ar ts o f Denny, Sc ot t and Mikewhen he c r a f t i l y inq uir ed about t h e i r own accomodat ions and lea rne d they and Richa l r ead y had a roomo Oh b l i s s f u l r e l i e f ! Could he perhaps s t ay i n t h e room? O fc ou rs e, t h e t r i o r e p l i e d, Mike added as idedly , "How much money d id you br ing t ot h e con?" Money?, Harry as ke d, What's money?

But it w as n' t l o n g b ef o re t h e y s e t t l e d on w h a t everyone bu t Scot t conceded w a r sa f a i r a nd eq u i t a bl e p r i c e : I n r e t u r n for a p i l l o w , b l a n k e t a nd sp a ce on t h e f l o o r ,Haw would keep th e room sup pl i ed wi th beer du r in g t h e e n t i r e weekend. And wi t ht h a t t a k en care o f , H ar ry d u t i f u l l y t r o t t e d a c r os s Sev enth Avenue t o a l i q u o r s t o r e ,a d i v i s i o n o f Overstreet E n t e r p r i s e s , and purc has ed th e down payment, wondering a she dodged the t r a f f i c on th e way back whethe r i t would have been more i n h i s f i s c a li n t e r e s t t o have r en t ed th e ho te lOs penthouse f o r th e weekend. Bu t i t ' s t o o l a t e ,. 9 : .


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baby .E s p e c i a l l y a f t e r , up i n t h e room, he and Denny, w it h a l i t t l e help from Mike,demolished th e down payment i n a bou t an hour. *Burp*

n t h e Othe r S ide o f t h e Mountain (9 )- - - - - -A t 10 pyem, Mitch was a s l e e p - nd t h e whole wor ld knew i t , o r a t l e a s ta l l of For t Independence S t r e e t i n t h e Bronx knew it,

After t h e cops had come and gone, roommate Ken Gale decided enough was enough.Having t o put up with t h e subway's c l a ngor twic e a day was bad enough, but cominghome t o Mitch 's pe cu l i ar somnolent thunder3ooming and th e g la re s o f t he ne ighbors- nd now a v i s i t f rom N e w York ' s f i ne s t - w e l l , t h a t was more than a t r u e f a nc ou l d r i g h t f u l l y be e x p ec te d t o t a k e . I t w a s t im e f o r a c t io n .

The f i r s t s t e p w a s t o wake Mitch - o e a s y t a s k i n i t s e l f , Shout ing wouldn'trouse him; sho ot , i t ' d be drowned o u t, Shaki ng him was no answer, e i t h e r ; Mi tchwas impervious to t h e to uch of human hands,ing form might be a l i t t l e messy. And jumping up and down on h i s s le ep -Ken decide d t o take a new approach.A t a momentary pause i n Mitch 's r o l l i n g thund er, Ken sa id : "Hey Mitch! Lin daLovelace i s here!" And Ni tc h was u p i n a s p l i t second. Hopeful ly , Ken thought ,h e w l lwaken soon, too,Which, as a matter of f a c t , Mitch did , A few minutes l a t e r , vaguely discom-f i t e d , he groped h i s way through th e apartment , ove r t h e mimeo, around a p i l e o fcomics, pas t t h e ne a t ly s tacked albums and i n t o t h e k i t c he n , where he s c a t t e re d t h er oa ch es o f f t h e t a b l e w i t h a s h o t of' orange ju ice , poured himself a g l a s s o f R ai dand knuckled th e sand ou t of h i s eye s , When Ken w a s s a t i s f i e d Mitch w a s about asa l e r t as he 'd ever be , he sprang i t on him,"Hey Mitch, l e t ' s go man! WeOve go t a l o t t o do f o r t h e con." Dknvjhi eszk .

"I know, I know, man, But i t ' s impor tant , If w e don ' t co l l a t e Green Lante rn ' sLight and s e l l a whole buncha copies a t t h e c o n , w e won't be a b l e t o pa y t h e r e n t . "T h a t g s a l l r ight , Mitch grumbled. I l i k e d y o u r o l d p l a c e ab ov e t h e t o p l e s s b a rb e t t e r anyway.But the matter was s e t t l e d , And f o r t h e ne x t fo u r hours , Mi tc h c o l l a t e d a ndKen s t a p l e d u n t i l t h e v e r y l a s t copy was knocked out and A Fanzine With A Neal AdamsCover Was Born,c a l c i fy i n t he meantime,Ge s t a t i on pe r iod was only two year s , and fandom's luc ky i t d i d n ' tMi tch s lurped a couple o f beers and went back to s l ee p whi le Ken, t h e f u l l i m -pact o f t h e o cc as io n f i n a l l y h i t t i n g him, k e p t s a y in g , "I c a n ' t b e l i e v e i t ' s out !I c a n ' t b e l i e v e i t ' s out!"

UCK !I can almost remember his funny facesThat t ime he to ld u s t h a t he was g oi ng t o b e a p a r t y i n g f a nAnd Duck- - -------- - - - ---I t ho u gh t t h e o n l y l o n e l y p l a c e w a s Framingham (10)- - -By '11 pyem, Harry had made h i s second payment toward h i s sl ee pi ng space , andwhile about half a dozen people happi ly a t tacked it, Rich re turned , He sa id he 'dhad din ner with Nelson, caught a few f i l m s and was. . .oh, beer! . , .pop. . . back again .. 10:.


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He passed a long some of t h e news Nelson had given him, in qu ir ed again a bou t S hoo te r- who had indeed shown up e a r l i e r f o r d i n n e r w it h Harry and Marvel ass is tants S c o t tEdelman a nd R og er s S t e r n a nd S l i f e r - nd upon le a r n i ng Jim had already gone homef o r t h e n igh t , j o in e d t h e ge ne ra l f a nn i sh mumble a bou t t he room,

That mumble w a s k inda sedate . Harry and Denny were e a s i l y m ai nt ai ni ng t h e i rt i n g l y , b r e e zy ha ze w hi l e d i s c u s s i n g a t e p i c l e n g t h i s s u e s 58-60 o f All-star Comics.The o th e r s mi l l e d a bou t ; someone b i t c he d a bou t t h e r a d io i n the room be ing on tool o u d - he was i gnore d . R ich a ppe a re d t o be ha v ing a l l sorts o f f u n w i t h h i s b e e rw h il e he t a l k e d , h o i s t i n g t h e can t o h i s l i p s two or t h r e e t i n e s f o r e ac h swig he 'dt a k e , i n t e r r u p t i n g h i s p a l a t a b l e pl e a su r e t o make t h i s po i n t o r t h a t . Bu t h e s t i l lmanaged t o d r a i n h i s f i r s t c an p r e t t y q ui c k ly , w hi ch l e d V a l e r i o h a l f - s er i o u s l y t oi n q u i r e o f Rich whe ther he was drunk y e t .

R ic h, happy t o ob l i ge , declared: " I ' m drunk!" He t o s s e d t h e e mpty i n t o t h ewa s t e ba ske t a nd hea de d t o t h e bathroom f o r a no the r , P op , sna p , t o s s . . . c l i n ke ty . . .two points f o r t h e t a b s w is hi ng i n t o t h e w as te ba sk et f r o m 10 f e e t . , . gu lp . o . gLiLpoo .g u l p , gulp, chugugugugo

And si lence nudged t h e mumble from t h e room, a l l ey es on th e mild-mannered BayS t a t e r as he t a r g e t e d t h e s ec on d c an - core ! - n d he ad ed o m e more f o r t h e re-f r i g e r a t o r - e q u i p p e d water c l o s e t ,

But t h e mumble resumed when Rich didn ' t immediate ly regmerge. Out o f t h e b l u e ,someone mentioned Howard ,t h e-uck; t h e boo kus ample meri t s and demeri t s f lew backand f o r t h across t h e room wi th ever- in c reas in g v i go r ; and Rich came o u t a g a i n , h i st h i r d Bud - r maybe i t was a S c h l i t z ; a f t e r a while, somebody s a id , a l l t h a tbearwhiz t a s t e s t h e same - nyway, Rich was ba c k , h i s ears pe rk ing up when he heardt h e sec re t word , , a nd t h e word t on igh t i s Howard!

' ' Ion d runk , I' Ric h de c l a re d a ga in , "Quack. 'ITh er e's s ometh ing abc,ut Rich. When he 's hi ms el f, he draws a n academic s o r t o f

a t t e n t i o n . But when he *s no t h imse l f - a s , i t became inc rea s in gly c le a r , he nol o n g e r was a t t h i s p oi nt - h e at t e n t i o n - qu a l i t y s o a r s i n t o a n o t h e r p l a ne , t r a n s -f e r s i n t o a n o t h e r c a t e g o r y o f t h e m i nd ' s p r o c e s s e s , A c u r i o u s m i x tu r e o f c u r i o s i t y ;a wondrous k in d of wonder; an inc re di b l e form of c r ed ib le ; a s e n se an d f e e l i n g that ,ye s , gang, t h e t ime w a s n i g h f o r s o m et hi n g co m p le t el y d i f f e r e n . t ,

"Quack, W a k *waugh* ItEve ryone ' s a t t e n t i on was r iv et ed on Rich. "That ' s my im it a t io n o f Howard t h e

Duck, It he s a i d , "Quack, quack, ItCries of a pproba t i on ros e t h roughou t t h e mom as Rich cont in ued: "Quack, .,

kwihk. . wak, quack. I'"C'mon, Rich, l e t ' s h e a r you do Howard some mo re ?" "Yeah, Rich! You've g o tt h e be s t Howard I ' v e e ve r he ard ! ( " Didj a he a r t h a t ? Dynamite t a l e n t , R i c h ha s ! 'I"You th i nk t h a t ' s good, you ought ta hea r h i s 'Up, up and away'!")"Quack, quack, quack . . ,g ulpgulpgulp . .."A l l of which was a n e mine n t ly i n t e re s t i ng a nd c ompe l l i ng de mons t ra t i on o f onef a n ' s u ni qu e an d God-given a b i l i t y t o b r i n g t o l i f e a mere figment of some demented,i n s e c u r e w r i t e r g s tw i s t e d ima g ina t i on . B ut t r u l y , t h e n o v e l t y wore t h i n q u i c k l y as. 11: n


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t h e quacks and waks and *waugh*s con tin ued t o f i l l the room.A t l a s t someone c r ied , "Enough!" And Ric h y ie ld ed . "That was p r e t t y good,Rich," Harry observed.did. "The averag e person could never ge t i nt o i t t h e way youYou can t e l l t h a t f o r you, Fandom Is A Way O f L i f e . "" Tha tDs r i g h t , " R ic h said . "No matter Howard i t might be! Toss me a no the r ,

somebody. I'Fade out.

ou o n l y go around once i n l i f e (11)- ---v- Morning spread over the c i t y as i t seems, unfo r tuna t e ly , t o do e ve ry day .Mitch woke t o the sound of a l i t t l e t une i s su ing f rom Ken & - t h e o th e r room, Itsounded familiar , b u t h e c o u l d n g t r e a l l y p l a c e i t . Hmmm.Bingo! It h i t him l i k e a Derr inger : It was K en's l i t t l e m an tr a from t h e n i gh tbefore super imposed on the tune o f a couple-t ime a lmost-hi t :

I c a n ' t b e l i e v e i t ' s outI c a n ' t be l i e ve i t ' s o u tEvery now and then I know i t ' s k inda hard t o d ou btI c a n ' t believe i t ' s out .Ken was l oa d in g h i s Gre en La n te rn ' s L igh t s i n t o a sui tcase when Mitch enteredt h e l i v i n g room. "Well, you f i n a l l y g o t it o u t , f o r e s t face, L e t ' s see you s e l l' e m now.""Hey, no sweat, Mitch, They'll be gone before you can say 'Gerry Conway ought o be sho t . ' You know, I s t i l l c a n * t b e l i e v e i t D s u t . I r e a l l y c an 't .And as th ey rumbled down from th e Bronx on t h e Broadway t r a i n , t h e mantra con-t in ued , i n t ime wi th th e whee ls. , .mesmeriz ing , sense -suspending sounds , I c a n ' tb e l i e v e i t ' s o u t , c l i c k e t y - c l a c k , I c a n ' t be l i e ve i t ' s o u t , c l i c ke ty -c l a c k , I c a n ' tb e l i e v e i t ' s ou t , c l i c ke ty -c l a c k . . ."I c a n a t b e l i ev e i t ' s out . " King Art hur once sa id it of Exc a l i bu r . S i e ge 1 andS h u s t e r said i t i n 19380 An exhaus ted , f u l f i l l e d Sue Richards said it innumerabletimes t o her husband, And Mitch heard i t , syncopated, repeated, cont inuously. Het h an k ed h i s p a r e n t s f o r n o t g i vi ng b i r t h t o an e p i l e p t i c .After t o o l o n g , t h e y made it t o t h e Americana , They re gi s t e r ed and bee- l inedit t o t h e dea le rs room, t he hawker and t h e weary dove.

entered, Ken spied a young fa n , c e r t a i n ly no o ld e r t ha n 12.a i s l e he quickly s e t down hi s su i tc ase , whipped out a copy of GLL, shoved it i n t h ek i d ' s face a nd sa id , "Look! Neal Adams!" The k i d d ro ol ed , "How much?" " F i f t yc e n t s It "Here 'I

And immediately as t h e yI n t h e m id dl e o f t h e

Mitch looked on i n awe. "See how easy it is?" Ken asked, smugly.Anothe r yo ung ste r wandered by. Ano ther copy whipped ou t. "Look! Neal Adams!""How *slobb er++ much?" " F i f t y ce nt s. I' "Here ya go, 'I "Wow! Thanks! 'IAnd again,Ten minutes and e ight sales l a t e r , Ken spo t t e d Ha r ry on t h e o t he r s i de o f t h e

,112:.


13/26

room. ' % i t c h, s t a y h e r e and s e l l a f e w . I ' l l be back i n a l i t t l e b i t . "Piece of cake , Mitch thought .S h o r t l y , a young f a n passed by. "Look," Mi tch s a i d , "Neal Adams!" " A w , who

g i v e s a s h i t . "Adams. The be st . Only 50 c e n t s , You c a n o t p a s s it up, k i d . " "Wanna be t? "" F i f t y ce- Huh? Hey, look, kid: T hi s fa nz in e has a cover by Neal

Hmmm, Mi tc h th ou gh t. Goddamn punk must be a mutant o r something.It was a n o t h e r 15 minutes before someone else came w i t h i n a c c o s t i n g d i s t a n c eof 'Mitch ; appa ren t ly th e supply of young fa ns seemed to have been used up f o r th etime being, But a t l a s t a k i d s a u n t e r e d by - e w a s n i n e y e a r s o l d a t most, hiseyes f u l l of that wide-eyed se ns e of wonder that b lesses the coun tenances o f on lyt h e youngest and most innocen t neofans."Look! Neal Ada m s! " " L e t m e see that ," "Sure." "Lousy cov er. A con sketch,r i g h t ? T h at ' s r e a l l y low, m a n , " "Hey, i t ' s Neal Adams, ki d, Anything he does i sgold, Anyway, i t ' s no t a con sketch." "Hell," t h e k i d s a i d , "I a lw a ys l i k e d G i l

Ka,neos Green Lan ter n be t t e r , Even Mike G r e l l ' s i s b e t t e r th an Adams'." ??? "Andon to p of t ha t , Adams has a l o u s y a t t i t u d e . He's a cock tease r - l o t o f f l a sh ,a l o t o f e x pe c ta t io n s, bu t w h a t does he g ive us? Con sketches are t h e b e s t h e c a ndo now, huh?" "But i t ' s -ot a con sketch!" "Forget i t .f o r that zine." "But i t ' s o n l y 5 0 ce nt s. " "Wouldn't pay t ha t , ei th er . " From th ec o r n e r o f h i s eye, Mitch saw Ken making h i s way back ac ro ss t h e mom,a t l e a s t one sa le - nd f a s t , I can t e l l you've got an ap-p r e c i a t i o n o f t h e f i n e r a s p e c t s o f comic a r t .'bout i t ? " "No. 1 , j o t t a go ~ i o w , " "Ten cen t s . F ina l o f f e r ! "

No way would I pay a buckGotta make

"Tell you what, kid,Letcha have i t for a qu ar te r , how

Ken was pleased as he s a w M it ch t a l k i n g t o t h e y ou ng st e r, e v i d e n t l y c o n f i d en to f ano the r easy sa l e , He saw Mitch re achange,do l l a r b i l l , Ken thought . The k id tooko f f , z i n e in hand, a s a t i s f i e d , h a p p y eklook on h i s face .

I guess a l l t h e k i d h ad was a

"How many'd you s e l l , Mitch?"Uh, j u s t one, "Well, t h a t ' s O K . Mostof t he f ans won' t show up u n t i l l a t e r .Got t h e money?" Mitc h reach ed in t oh i s pocket , Empty, E r , I'll pay youl a t e r . I had t o make change when Is o l d i t , and I don 't have any l e f t ."Yeah, 1 saw you. T h a t ' s okay, Giveme t h e d o l l a r - Ove got change,"Mitch pulled out h i s walle t .f i v e s and a 10. Uh.,, Ken's ey esnarrowed and . , . Two

Wups, here came another fan, andKen didn't m i s s 'L be at , Out whipped acopy o f GLL, j r i t o t h e face i t wasshoved: "Look, Neal Aclams!" The kidshuddered, orC;a:;m ic . "How much?"" J u s t 50 c e n t s . " "Wow. Here's a dol-l a r - i ve me two copies . "


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E t cetera.Hmmm, Mitch thought . I ' m gonna be si ck . Excusing hims elf , he repaired t o t h e

men's room where, though he did n' t know i t a t t h e time, he en coun tere d Rich, who wasin one o f the s t a l l s , typ ewr i te r p ropped on h i s knees , f ev e r i sh l y hun t ing and peck -in g away. Mitch, cur iou s, asked Rich w h a t he w a s doing, "I w a s locke d out o f myroom, and I 'v e go t t o ge t th e next i s su e of Batmania ou t befo re the convent ion ' sover . C a n ' t waste a second!"Hrnmm, Mitch thought , Great company I'll have while I ' m busy being s ick .

o f t he world , un i t e !--h nd Imra!)(l2)Sa tu rday a f t e rnoon the y sa t th er e , h igh and mighty above everyone e l s e :

Murray Bol t inof f , J i m Shooter, Dave Cockrum, Mike G r e l l , Nelson B r i d w e l l and JackHarris. Cary Bates wasn' t th er e , bu t nobody not ic ed .The event w a s t h e con ' s long-awai ted Legion panel , and j u s t about everyonewho's anyone i n Legion fandom was i n t he aud ience, a long wi th some 300 o t h e r scream-

ing li'l Leg ion love r s ,q u i z z i c a l l y ; d id w e make a wrong turn and end up on Miss Marcia's Romper Room?t h e y s a i d , and along with costumed Mercy Van Vlack they chorused, "I t ' s t h e rea lth in g (Le-gion) i n t h e back of your mind (o f Super-He-ee-roes) w h a t you're hopingt o f i n d . . . i t ' s t h e r ea l th ing!"

Harry looked around, then a t Flynn and Morr issey and Gale,No,

Thanks a l o t .The pan el began, Up on t h e st ag e, which was i l l umina ted by a weird combinationo f red f o o t l i g h t s a nd o ra ng e b a c k l i g h ti n g , Harris introduced the panel members, I t

w a s r e a l l y t o o bad,someone f a n t a s i z e d , t h a t nobody had brought an applause meter,b ec au se t h e r e l a t i v e r e s po n s es o f t h e a u d ie n ce a f t e r each i n t r o would have providedgra phi c evi dence of who was t r u l y love d by Legion fandom.s om et hi ng l i k e t h i s , f r o m most- t o le as t- po pu la r: Cockrum, Shooter, B r i d w e l l , G r e l land B o l t i n o f f . If S o l Harrison had been there, he probably would have foreverbanned th e two Marve l i t e s f rom ev e r aga in se t t i n g foo t i n a DC con, much as hel u s t s a f t e r Cockrum's services,

But it worked out t o

A l l of them sa id a few words, and then Harris threw t h e t h i n g o pe n t o q u e s t i on sf rom the audiencea(When are t h e Fat al F ive coming back?) t o th e e moti onall y fa nni sh (Why di d you changeERG-1 ' s name t o W i ld fi re ? b i g i s s u e i n t h e b o o n ie d ) t o t h e s l y l y fa nn is h (A ques t ionf o r Jim Shoote r : Now that you ' re working f o r Marvel, w i l l you cont inue wr i t i ng th eLegion? Jim: No comment. Harris: Yes he w i l l ! Audience: Yaaayy!) . The quest ionsa l s o r an ge d t o t h e realm o f f a n n i s h o b se s s i o n s ; Harris, a f t e r p o i n t e dl y i g n o r i n g Har-r y * ~r a n t i c a l l y waving t e ac h er - te a ch e r- c al l -o n- m e hand f o r t h e b e t t e r p a r t o f 45minutes - r maybe he couldn ' t se e i t? . . .w i th Mercy and Mike Flynn behind him ac ti ngw e l l , uh, juven i l e , g igg l i ng and l augh ing and punning a n d s h o ut i n g, H ar ry s l i d f u r t h -e r and fur ther down h is seat - nyway, Harry was f i n a l l y acknowledged and an expect -an t hush f e l l over the crowd.

The queries which were posed r anged from t he t yp ic a l ly f an n i sh

" I ' d l i k e t o a d d r e s s t h i s t o Mu rr ay ," H ar ry s a i d as Shoot er smirked. "Murray,I ' m sure you 've g iven t h i s matter q u i t e a b i t o f c o n s i de r a t i o n, bu t I wonder whetheryou'd care t o e x p la in t o u s how you can j u s t i f y cramming 23 Legionnai res in to twos t o r i e s p e r i s s u e o f S upe rbo y." A buzz of approval m s e th rough th e ba l l room. "There. 14:.


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was a time n o t t o o l o n g ago when i t took two f u l l issues o f Adventure t o t e l l astory w i t h j u s t f o u r Legionnai res , 'I "Mordru! someone i n back sh out ed . "Yeah! I'the crowd roared. "And I 0 m sure ," Harry cont inued , "that i f t h e s en ti me nt s i n t h i sroom are a ny i n d i c a t i o n , y o u ' l l make a l o t o f readers across the country very happyi f you and Jim and Mike would s tar t working on some full- lengthers and nothing butfu l l - l eng the r s . Excep t , " he added as an a s ide , " f o r ev er y now and t he n when t h ere a l i z a t io n h i t s you th a t you've go t t a have two or t h r e e i s s u e s t o t e l l a r e a l l ydynamite s t o r y wi th a l l those heroes running around!"

Well, that d id i t . Murray s t a r t e d t o mumble something abo ut how i f sales ona coup le o f- r ec en t , i nadver t en t f u l l - l eng th e r s were good, he might . . . But onlya few words in to h i s r e bu t t a l t h e crowd w a s on i t s f e e t , s tomping , cheer ing , ye l l ing ,wh ist l in g, ye ll in g "Right On! "Full-lengthers o r Fight! 'I "Amen Brother! If "Hip Hip!"Hooray! and "Eleven-and-si x Sucks! al on g wi th a few s c a t t e r e d c r i e s o f " G r e l l EEitsI t Raw!" Murray loo ked arou nd, con fus ed, whi le Harris t ook th e mike and t r i e d t ocalm t h e crowd down. But i t w a s an ang ry, ri gh te ou s mob which began adva nci ng men-ac ing ly toward th e s t age , E igh t se cu r i ty men sp r in t ed i n , b i l l y c lu bs f l a i l i n g , ands t a r t e d t o b e a t back t h e f a n n i s h f u r o r . Y elps o f o u t r a g e , screams o f p a i n, s h o u t sof Motherfucker! and wails o f agony ra ined about the p lace , and i t wasn' t l ong un t i lb ru is ed , b loody and broken , th e se cu r i ty men f le d ."If I can make jus t one more po in t , , I t was Harry aga in , h i s v o i c e r i s i n gabove the miasmic s h o ut s o f t h e a f f r o n te d f a n s , "If I can be all owe d t o make onef u r t h e r po i nt , I ' d l i k e t o s a y t h a t e ven if we di sa gr ee wi th what Murray's doin g now,we s t i l l owe him a c e r t a i n d e b t o f g r a t i t u d e f o r ha vi ng f a i t h enough i n t h e L eg ioni n t h e f i r s t place t o k ee p i t a l i v e a f t e r Mort Weisinger l e f t - when it very wellcould have died, So l e t ' s h e a r it f o r Murray!" And pl ea se , God, he tho ught - p-plause, okay?There w a s p o l i t e a p p l a u s e for Murray Bol t ino f f ,The aud ience ' s v io len t ene rg ie s spe n t , t he pane l resumed i t s bus iness , Therewere more t yp ic a l ly f ann i sh and emot iona l ly f ann i sh ques t ions f o r th e honchos on

s tage , along wi th a z inge r o r two. A t one po i nt , Ken ask ed Murray why, i f t h e Le-g ion w a s Nat iona l ' s bes t - se l l ing book , i t was only twice-q uar t er ly ins tea d of month-l y ,f rom b imonth ly t o twice-qua r ter ly . And a t a n o t h e r p o i n t , Harris asked Shooter andG r e l l t o s ta nd s ide-by-s ide , Shooter happens t o be about 6 - foot -8 and Gr el l about5-foot-5, and as Jim re st ed h i s elbow on Mike's head Mitch observed t o Ken th a t th es p e c t a c l e was a k i n t o v i e wi ng a n e rec t p e n i s ne x t t o a f l a c c i d d o rk .

Murray responded by sa yi ng Superman Fam ily's freq uenc y was going t o be boosted

When th e pane l concluded, Ken at tempt ed t o intr oduc e Harry t o Mitch and smutzinepubl isher Dennis C i e r i , who'd been bumming matches from Har ry th ro ugh out t h e pa ne l.But the time w as n' t q u i t e r i g h t y e t , The now-tamed au di en ce was respect fu l ly scramb-l i n g o n to t h e stage and Harry and Mitch joined the rush - nocking o ver Ken i n th ep rocess - Harry t o ask Murray f o r anoth er Outpost p lug i n t h e L eg io n' s l e t t e r c o l andMitch t o meet h i s al l - t ime f a v o r i t e a r t i s t , Gre l l . On st a g e , Sh oo te r and Cocknunwere mobbed by the Teeming Millions while Bridwell and Harris looked around blankly,aimlessly, and Harry had Murray all t o himself and Mitch had G r e l l a l l t o h i ms e lf ,No a c co u nt i ng f o r t as te .

When th e l i t t l e k i d s s t a r t e d t o c l e a r o u t , Ken a t l a s t managed t o make t h e in-A bunch of *yawn* r e a l keen guys, everyone thought of everyone.r o d u c t i o n s ,

And with t h a t ou t of t h e way, t h e f i r s t o f t h e con's two costume para des cam-.:15:.


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menced i n t h e same room,s tage, b u t Consummate Huc kster P h i l Se uli ng mai nta ined h i s c on sta nt show-must-go-ont o u r n u r e - one which Mitch and Harry would witness again a few weeks l a t e r a tS e u l i ng ' s Na t ional Ca r t oon i s t s S o c i e ty non-con - as h e i n t ro d u c e d t h e c o n t e s t a n t s :Mercy as t h e t wo -i n- on e g i r l , Duo D d m s e l ; a Batman; a S u p e r g i r l ; a Deadman...and aNeal A d a m G i r l and a F ra nk F r a z e t t a G i r l . I t w ou ld n' t be c o r r e c t t o s a y t h e c o s-tumes o f t h e l a s t two were i nde c e n t - f t e r a l l , a t l e a s t one of them had been Ap-proved By The Comics Code Authority - b ut t h e F r a z e t t a G i r l was f a l l i n g o ut o f h e rundies , much to t h e audience ' s de l i gh t , and th e Adams G i r l was holding he r own,L i terall y.

Turnout wa sn 't e xa c t l y impre s s ive on e i t h e r s id e o f t h e

. The judge s f o r t h e e ve n t i nc lu de d Dick Gio rda no, who ha s yet t o draw a l e e r a sgenuine as t h e one he d i sp l a ye d j u s t t he n ; J e r r y S i e g e l ; J oe S hus t e r , who from th a tmoment on, mi ra bi le di c t u , w a s no long er le g a l l y b l i nd ; and Joe Kuber t , who wentga ga i n a re s t ra in ed , family-man so r t o f way.

It wa sn ' t e xa c t l y a cast of t housa nds , as some costume parades are , so S e u l i n gdeclared everyone the w i n n e r , And i n a n o t h e r room, a f t e r t h e p a ra de , a v ide o t a pes e t u p was a c t i v a t e d t o r e c o r d t h e co stu mes f o r p o s t e r i t y . M it ch w a s on hand andt u r n e d i n t o a p i l l a r o f sal t when t h e Adams G i r l ' s to p popped., . and she d idn ' t both-e r t o do anyt hin g about i t .

A t a n o t h e r t ime, t h e wri te r ' s pane l w a s under way i n a n a d j a c e n t bal lroom. I tw a s moderated by Gerry Conway and manned by Denny O ' N e i l , Marty Pasko, Cary Batesand former DC e d i t o r Ja ck S c h i f f . It a c t u a l l y was an e x c e l l e n t p an e l , e a ch wri t e rde l ive r in g h i s own phi lo sophy o f comic book wr i t i ng i n t h e e n t e r t a in ing bu t ge n e ra lmanner t h a t makes f o r a n i n t e r e s t i ng time but lousy copy, The only d i sappoin tmentcame when Si eg el e nt er ed t he room and promptly was i n v i t e d t o j o i n t h e p a ne l, o n l yt o l a unc h a ga in , a l b e i t ha lk ing ly , i n to h i s o f t -he a rd monologue a bou t how he a ndS h u s te r s t r u g g l e d t o s e l l Superman du ri ng t h e l a t e 1930s.

But i t ' s d i f f i c u l t t o b e h a r d on t h e p o or man, A ft e r a l l , i f i t w e re n' t f o rhim . . .w en ty -f ou r b o t t l e s o f b e e r on t h e w a l l (13)----I__, , i f i t weren ' t f o r him, Rich Morr i ssey wouldn ' t have a lmost k i l l e d him-se l f t h a t e ve ni ng .

TAround 8 o ' c loc k , a bou t 10 people had ga thered i n t he ho t e l room - nough t o

make a convoy f e a s i b l e f o r t r a v e r s i n g a few blocks of Manha t tan ' s s t r e e t s t o g e tsome th ing t o e a t , The on ly a s-yet -unmen t ioned fa n i n t h e group was Mark Gaspar,about whom a l l sorts o f u n n a t u r a l rumors h av e f l o a t e d o f l a t e ( c f . t h a t Ken Galez i n e i n K - a ) .McGregor and h i s work, Mark taking a s u p e r l a t i v e , c h i l i a s m i c view o f t h e man andHarry making w h a t he f e l t was an a i r t i g h t case f o r t h e d e a th p e n al t y. The discus-s ion c on t inue d a t the Tad's Steak House a few blocks sou th of t h e Americana, widen-i n g i n t o a two-s ide d po le mic c once rn ing t h e f i n e r po in t s o f fa nn is h commentary, ofapas vs . l e t t e r z i n e s a nd o f why t h e r e a re s o few good fa nz in es on th e market toda y,which l e d t o t h e t wo commiserat ing on t he changes fandom h as undergone dur ing t h epast 15 y e a r s , a n d o n i n t o a n a tt e m p t t o p i n p o i n t t h e t u r n i n g p o i n t s i n t h e e v ol u-t i o n of t h e c omics i n dus t ry du r ing t h e same pe r iod ,

Along th e way, Mark and Har ry f e l l i n t o a con ver sat i on abo ut Don

And s o f o r t h ,The two c ont inu ed, eng ros sed , on th e way back t o t h e h o t e l , The d i s c u s s i o nh a l t e d j u s t l o n g e no ug h, a c r o s s t h e s t r e e t f r o m t h e h o t e l , for hem, a lo ng withMitch and Denny, t o dec ide what t o purchase t o t i d e th e group through .the n igh t ,

. 16r


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t he consensus be ing another f ou r s ix -packs and a quart of southern comfort would doi t , Good enough.In th e mom, th e hard s t u f f was placed in reserve whi le t h e D i s cu r si v e Duo

The scope widened s t i l la i nt a in ed t h e i r t a l k a t h o n w i t h ou t m i s si n g a s y l l a b l e ,fur ther: Comics v s , f i l m ; f i l m vs. l i t e r a t u r e ; t h e e s s e nt i a l n at ur e o f l i t e r a t u r e- highbrow s t u f f , now, t h a t ne i the r had , . . o r l i k e l y eve r w i l l have. . .any businesst a l k i n g a b o u t i n t he terms they employed,I- Meanwhile, Val eri o and Sherman were n't i n any mood t o dr in k b ee r - S c o t t- nd so t hey dec ided the time was r i p e a n d t h e stars were r i g h t f o r a t r e k i nse ar ch of someone they' d glimpsed e a r l i e r a nd i m me di at el y f a l l e n i n l u s t w i t h.Ken Gale, who knows everybody i n th e wor ld, t o l d them she w a s SeulingOs daughter ,Gwen. And now th ey wanted t o f i n d h e r ag ai n.

Typica l fen .n s ea rc h o f Gwen Seu li ng (14)--now was p r o t e s t i n g that he d i d n 't l i k e s t r a i g h t l i q u o r e i t h e r ; mixed drinks o n l y

Off t hey todd led ,u t t o resume . . . (15)B-- . , , t h e b e e r w a s f a s t a - s lu rp in ' on th e r ema ining f r on t as v a r i ou s f e ndropped by the room. Mitch decided-i t was t ime t o break ou t t h e southern comfort,- nd f i r s t up a f t e r t h e announcement w a s Rich, who s cu rr ie d t o th e bathroom f o r aglass, He d id t h e ho no rs , f i l l i n g t h e water g l a s s t o t h e b ri m.

And t o t h e g asps of fandom assembled, Bets q u i c k l y were t ak en , po ol s M e d i a t e -l y were formed; would he chug it down l i k e he d id w i t h t h e b e e r t h e p r ev i ou s n i g h t ?

Now, f r i e n d s , as t h e p l o t t h i c ke n s it ought t o be no ted t ha t , t h e f o re g oi n ga s i d e , t h e v e r i s i mi l i t u d e o f w h a t i s t o f o l l o w i s impeccable, 200 proo f pu re t roo th .Please p ic tu r e i n your mind 's eye R ich s t and ing ben ignly wi th a water g l a s s f u l l o fsouthern comfort - ig h t ounces , perhaps , He now announced: e"Uh, w a i t - ' v e go tt o t ake my t r a nqu i l i ze r s f i r s t . " He s e t s t h e g l a s s on t h e d es k, a t t e n d s t o h i s med5-c a ti o n i n t h e WC, and r e tu rns , He p i c k s up t h e g l a s s . H e raises i t ; "Cheers!" Het a k e s a hea l thy gu lp ,

And he says: "*cough* My, t h i s i s *kof* a b i t s tr on g, i s n ' t i t ?"A t which poi nt , Mercy, being th e f i r s t t o p ic k h e r j a w o f f t h e f l o o r an d dos om et hi ng a b ou t t h e s i t u a t i o n , v e r y t a c t f u l l y t o ok t h e glass f r o m him and th e bo t t i efrom th e desk , re t urne d to t he bathroom, poured most of t h e g l as s ' con t en ts backi n t o t h e b o t t l e and watered down the remainder.Rich, who took another small s i p an d t h en p l a c e d i t ou t o f r each , igno r ing it t h e r e -af te r . A wise move,

The g l a s s then was r e t u rn e d t o

n search --f Gwen Seuling -1 (16)I- ut Mitch . th e empath ic s o r t , found himsel f fo rc ed , t o s t e p ou t o f t h e room t oc o l l e c t h i s wits. Down t h e hall h e wen t, t o t h e e l e v a t o r f o y e r an d I *t h er e t o h i s m i l d astonishment he bumped in t o Mike and Sc ot t t al ki ng t o

01' Gwen herself!accompanied by two mean-looking th ug s.steamed, he was o b l i vi o u s t o a l l bu t tha t jewel of jewels, t h a t be a ut y o f b e a u t i e s ,

D 817s.

Later Mitch r eca l l e d she had two f r i end s wi th he r , w i th the p a r t yBut f o r th e moment, whi le h i s g l as se s un-


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tha t cunt of cun t s - n g ly P h i l S e u l i n g' s stunning daughter .She and he r f r i en ds obv ious ly were drunk and s t on ed on t h e i r c u t e l i t t l e asses.

S c o t t was all sweaty and h i s hands shook something awful, Mike was numb.The conversa t ion Mitch overheard went something l i k e t h i s :Gwen: W h a t d id you s a y you r names are?S c o t t : S c o t t .Mike: GWyzyln.Gwen: What?Mike: GWyzylnGwen ( t o Sco t t ) : Your f r i e nd doesn ' t t a l k ve ry we l l , does he?S c o t t : BbsmwreGwen: Uh huh, Uh, see ya l a t e r .

eanwhile, back a t t h e r a n c h (17)__.--_I_Gee, by some pe opl e@s tanda rds i t must have been getting l a t e - t was- - -past 1 ayem - h ou gh t h i s d i d n ' t faze your se rvan t s , Har ry o f p ro fe ss ion a l nec -

e s s i t y n e ve r n o d di n g .o u t b e f o r e 4 a nd Mit ch r a r e l y h i t t i n g t h e s ac k u n t i l 8 or 9 i nt h e mcming. Rich, however , was r e ad y t o c a l l it a n igh t , and s o he threaded h i sway thro ugh t h e humble ga th er in g, once more t o t h e bathroom.t o be noted t h e assemblage now c ons is te d of Harry and Gaspar a t t h e f o o t o f o n e o ft h e be ds , w i t h i n r a d i a t i o n d a n ge r d i s t a n c e o f t h e c o l o r TV , s t i l l going a t i t ; i tseemed t h e two were g e t t i n g r e a l l y s e r i o u s , wrapped up as t h e y were i n t h e e nc o un te r,plumbing the depths of a f ann i s h one-night s t and , ob l iv io us t o the cacaphon ic SoulTra in - l ike show i s s ui n g from t h e TV. They were t o t h e p o i n t o f d i s c u ss i n g t h e p h i l -o so ph ic p o l i t i c s o f l i t e r a t u r e a nd t h e b r u t i s h, f a s c i s t i c i mp ul se s t h e r e o f , t h e b o t t l eof sou the rn comfort having now found i t s niche, protected and guarded, between them.Also m i l l i n g a b o u t were Gale and Roy, Van Vlack and Chuck Nanco, Mitch and Valerioand Flynn, a long wi th sund ry o th e r faces and bqd ies who escape re co ll ec t i on .

For t h e r e c o r d it ought

Rich emerged, ref res hed and s tunni ng i n h i s bunny-pr in t jammies, and once moremade h i s way through t o t h e o th er s id e of t h e room t o t he opened co t which he expectedt o c a l l h i s own t h a t n igh t . Carefu l ly , conf id ent ly , he tu rned down th e covers ,cleared his t h r o a t , g o t i n and comfor tab ly posi t ioned h imsel f be tween the $#bbb)djdsh ee ts and loudl y announced to a l l : "Well, good night!"

Everyone thought i t w a s r a t h e r c u t e , R i c h v s n o t i o n that h e ' d b e a b l e t o f a l las le ep anytime soon. However, i n deference t o t h e fu tu re (31 o f I n t e r l a c , t h e p ro -ceedings hencefor th were k e p t t o a d u l l r o a r.Denny Roy, b l e s s h i s g r e as y li'l soul and shades , go t up f rom the spo t he*d soj ea lous ly gua rded for th e pa st couple of hours on one of th e beds - nd which wasimmediately dibbed by Ken - nd s t ro de t o t he window over looking 5Zd S t r e e t . A t

f i r s t h e , j u s t k in d o f s t o o d t h e r e , awed by th e c i t y l i g h t s a s o n l y o ne fr om t h e s t i c k so f t h e N e w Hampshire border can conceive; then , r e s t in g h i s palms on th e s i l l andlea n in g forward , he looked down t o t h e s t r e e t , perhaps hop ing t o ca tch a glimpse of. 18:.


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a chopper bludgeoning i t s way through and past t h e t r a f f i c that seemed t o choke t h eway a t a l l h o ur s ; a nd f i n a l l y , he s t r e t c h e d , arms r a i s e d , f i s t s clenched, bonesc m c k i n g , and made i t known that yes, kids, N e w York was h i s kind of town and he wasgoing t o g ive up h i s job o f emp ty ing bedpans and ca the t e r i z ing t he a i l i ng a t an o r t h e a s t e r n Ma s s ac h us e tt s h e a l t h - r e l a t e d f a c i l i t y a nd move t o t h e B i g Apple, thea p pl e o f h i s e ye , t h e eye of th e beholder , t he be holder o f wonders exper ienced anda n t i c i p a t e d i n th e naked c i t y , th e burg which a lone can boast a congress o f na t ions ,two foo tbal l teams, th ree newspapers, f o u r funnybook companies, f i v e Croat ian sky-j a c k e r s , six trains t o Coney Is la nd , seven mil li on p eopl e, among whom th e re areeight CAPA--dphans.

Denny began perusing the want ads i n a copy of the Times someone had broughtt o t he room - u t as we a l l know, noth ing came of h i s eye-popping journey throughcolumn a f t e r column of fi ve -p oi nt type,game called l i f e - s Steve Gerber might say i f the Code would l e t him.Poor k id , Another k ick i n t h e balls i n t h e

Bu t l e t u s resume o u r n a r r a t i v e , a f t e r t h i s b r i e f b u t i m p or ta nt s i d e b a r :ary Magdalen ----s a rock s t a r (18)

With Rich sa fe l y and snugl y tucked i nt o bed, someone mentioned t h a t it wouldbe a good idea t o f igure ou t who would be sl ee pi ng where tha t n i g ht , t h e i n t e n to f t he s t a t emen t be ing t o avo id th e b lackened eyes and b ru i sed egos o f th e p rev iousni gh t when somebody had su gg es te d t o Mercy that he share one of the beds wi th her ,The conv ersa tio n proceeded apace f o r a sho r t t ime, bu t then it w a s n o t ic e d t h a t S c o t tSherman w a s nowhere t o be seen , and it c e r t a i n l y w o ul dn 't be s p o r t i n g t o d i v vy up t h ecomfy sleeping space without l e t t i n g him in on the nego t i a t ion s , Mi tch and Va le r iosa id S co t t must have been s id e t ra cked on t h e i r way back f rom th e Se ul in g encount er ;Someona e l s e s a i d f u ck i t , i f S c o t t ' s n o t h e r e i t ' s h i s own problem,Sc o t t wasn' t t oo f a r away, however, and when he re tu rn ed he exp la in ed h i s ab-sence something l i k e th is :R et ur ni ng t o t h e room wi th Mi tch and Mike, he was l e f t behind when the twoclowns t o r e down a 1 6 t h floor hal lway , g rabbed an e le va to r and $$?!#$ jl!% &! $G avedgl ee fu l goodbyes t o him as t h e d o or s l i d c l os e d j u s t as he made h i s be l a t ed s p r in tt o t h e e l e v a t o r fo y e r . U ndaunted, S c o t t p r e s s ed f o r a n o t h e r e l e v a t o r - nd as hewai ted , a be au ti fu l woman dres se d a l l i n white approached, I f he'd been drunk a t

t h e t ime, he sa id , he would have thought she was h i s f a i r y godmother e x ce p t f o r t h efac t t h a t s he was b l a c k , They exchanged hellos, and Scot t inquired whether she w a sa t t h e h o t e l f o r t h e c on ve nt io n,about a l l t he k id s runn ing a round the p lace ,No, she re p l ie d , a l though she-ad been wond'rinThe e l eva to r a r r iv ed and once in s ide , Sco t t punched th e app rop r i a t e floor but-to n and asked t h e woman which f l o o r she wanted. "Whichever one you're g e t t i n ' o f fa t , honey ," she sa id , Ulp , Sc ot t thought , But t h e i r conversa t ion cont inued amia-

b ly , which Sc o t t on l y too happy t o explain what the con was a l l about and why S Omany o the rwise in te l l igen t peop le go t o t a l l y bonker s ove r those co l o r f u l throwaways .I t wasn ' t too long b e fo r e t h e y a r r i v e d a t t h e d o o r t o t h e mom - nd Sco t t , hav ingfound a foxy new f r i e nd he d id n ' t want t o l o s e by expos ing he r t o th e r abb le i n s i d e ,sa t down out s id e th e door , h i s back t o th e wall. She d i d l ikewise, And a f t e r pol-i t e l y l i s te n i ng t o him expoand on th e myster i es o f comic fandom, she began t e l l i n ghim her l i f e s t o r y ,

She began f ra nk ly enough by exp lai ning she w a s a p r o s t i t u t e . No s h i t , S c o t tsa i d , 'T ' ve neve r m e t a hooker before ." She was s u r p r i s e d f o r a moment, bu t th e n. 19:.


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c o r r e c t l y i n f e r r e d t h a t S c o t t was an out -of- towner .t h e n , s h e t o l d an e n r a p t u r e d S c o t t h e r l i f e s to ry , wh ic h bo i l e d down t o t h i s : S hewas born i n B m ok ly n i n 1948 and had l e d a compara t ive ly decent l i f e u n t i l j u s t r e -cen t ly . She 'd marrie d when sh e was 1 9 , had two b r a t s , d ivo rc e d t h re e ye a r s l a t e rand marr ied aga in , t h i s t im e t o a n e n fo r ce r i n o ne o f Harlem's more p w e e u l mobs- h e d i d n ' t r e a l l y l o v e him, bu t he made good bucks, sh e sa i d - and she had anotherkid . But two ye ar s ago he r husband was nabbed, t r i e d a nd c onv ic t e d on f ou r c oun t sof income tax evas ion - a euphemism f o r all t h e r e a l l y n a s t y s t u f f he w a s do ing , al a A 1 C a p n e . And s i n c e he was packed off t o the b i g house , she 'd been a l l a l o n e ,he r ex fucked he r over good and then k icked he r down th e s t a i r s when sh e went t ohim f o r he lp , and now sh e was t r y i n g * sob* t o s u p p o r t h e r t h r e e k i d s t h e o n l y wayshe knew how, a t l e a s t s i n c e h e r h i g h sc h oo l d i d n ' t do much t o t e a c h h e r t h e secre-t a r i a l s k i l l s t h a t a l l good sc hoo lg i r l s a r e s up po se d t o l e a r n b e f o r e t h e y g r a u d at e .And w i t h h e r r e l a t i v e l y c l a s s y b ac kg ro un d, she knew she c oul dn' t s impl y hang ou t a ta s t r e e t lamp a t 182d and A m s t e r d a m Avenue. So i n s t e a d , s h e worked t h e h o t e l s , a ndwith luck might even have a n i c e , w a r m room i n which t o spend a c o l d w i n t e r ' s n i g h t .

And f o r about ha l f an hour ,

S c o t t , n e e d le s s t o s a y , was touched. No, no t phys i c a l l y , a nd no , no t e ven f o ra " loan." H e was g e n u in e l y , s i n c e r e l y a nd h e a r t b r e a k in g l y t ou c he d , e s p e c i a l l y b e-cause she hadn ' t found i t necessa r y t o propos i t io n him. What he d i d do , though, wasg i v e h e r t h e addresses of a few f r i e n d s o f h i s i n t h e c i t y an d beyond who were fair-l y we ll - to -do a nd who d idn ' t have much re spe c t f o r t he f i n e p r in t o f s t a t e and muni-c i p al l e g a l i t i e s - o s h e c e r t a i n l y w ou ld n' t have a n y t r o u b l e r e l i e v i n g t h e r e p r e s s e dneeds which had l e d them down t h e a n t i s o c i a l e x i t f ro m t h e f r ee w ay o f l i f e ; t h o s epeople inc luded Po S e u l ing , H. Rogofsky, R, B e l l , C. I n f a n t i n o , a n d , a l i t t l e f a r t h e raway, A . Ligh t , P e rha ps, S c o t t spe c u l a t e d , one or more of them might even be wil l ingt o e n t e r in t o a l on g- te rm c o n t r a c t f o r h e r s e r v i c e s - a t a handsome fee , of course ,

The hooker was so p l ea s ed b y t h i s t h a t s he p l a nt e d a b i g , s l op p y k i s s on S c o t t ' sc he ek , u t t e r e d p ro fuse t ha nks , s a id s h e r e a l l y a p p r e c i a t ed h i s h e l p a nd t o o k o f f downt h e h a l l t o c heck o ut t h e p o s s i b i l i t i e s , e s p e c i a l l y w i t h P. Seuling, whose room nun-be r S c o t t had t hou gh t f u l l y p rov ide d .

S c o t t f e l t good about doing th e hooker a fav or , a l thoug h he wished she wouldhave expressed he r gr a t i t ud e some ot he r way,A f t e r a l l , how would he e x p l ai n t h e b r i g h t o ra ng e l i p s t i c k smears on h i s c he e k?

n your mark (19)0- E ve ry on e i n t h e room l i s t e n e d t o S c o t t ' s t a l e wi th wide-eyed a sto nish men t ,a l t hough one wi se a c re p ipe d upo ha l fwa y th rough th e s t o r y , "I know he r! She wasgiv ing away f r e e samples under Warren's t a b l e a t t h e l a s t Julycon!" The wiseacrehim self , who s h a l l remain nameless , was t h e on ly one t o g roa n a nd he nc e fo r th wass i l e n t , a ,I n an y e v e n t , t h e s l e e p i n g s pa c e was al re ad y divv ied up, and by now Rich, s t i l lthoroughly awake, dec ided i t would be an i d e a l t ime on ce a ga i n t o t r e k t o t h e b at h-room. AS he c l a mbe re d ove r a nd o f f h i s c o t he p l a n t e d h i s fo o t on Har ry 's hea d a ndtook a f ly in g l e a p i n t h e g en e r a l d i r e c t i o n o f t h e WC. ' Thi s t e mpora r i l y b rough tHarry back i n t o t he r e a l wor ld, al th ou gh by now he was pr e t t y much a ne s th e t i z e d a ndt h e i mpa ct of t h e s i t u a t i o n d i d n ' t r e a l l y h i t him. However, b e in g now as how he wasback i n t h e r e a l w o rl d, he remembered t h e f u s s Rich had made abou t going t o b ed, , .andsugge s te d t o Ga spa r , i n a t o n e as innocent as t h e Warlock Magus, "Hey, why d o n 't youg e t int o Rich 's bed?" Mark looked a t H a r r y , wa i t ed un t i l t he twin ima ges o f t he

I :20: 0


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Outpos t e d i t o r a l i gne d a nd merged i n to one , and began t o s ay , "Why woul-And so he hopped i n and was tucked away by s i x pa i rs of hands,r e s u me t h e i r f or m er p l a c es b e f o re R ic h r e t u r n e d , a nd t h e y d id so none too soon,came ou t a nd i nq u i re d something t o t he e f f e c t o f , " U m , w i l l t h i s be going on muchlonge r? " He was a s su re d by a l l that it wouldn' t , a nd t hu s a ppa r e n t l y r e l i e v e d , R ichr e tu r ne d t o t h e c o t , began b l in dl y t o g e t i n whi le Mark c r ing ed, made a l l k inds o ffaces and more o r l e s s made i t appear he was h o r r i f i e d b y t h e e n t i r e s eq u en ce o feven ts . And ag ai n, as v e r i s i m i l i t u d e r e i g n s f o r t h e n o nce , R i ch was back i n t h e c o t ,t he she e t a nd b l a nke t up t o h i s c h in , be fo re he no t i c e d t h e b i g lump beh ind him wasMark.

Oh, yeah! "RichEveryone rush ed t o

Without a p au se o r h e s i t a t i o n , Rich s t er n l y admonished: "If you w a n t t o s l e epwi th m e , y o u ' l l have t o p ay f o r it!"And that was more than anyone could handle ; th e l au gh te r and applause rocked

t h e mom f o r a good two minutes o r s o while Mark extracted himself and Rich com-manded, "Now st r ai g h te n th os e bed clot hes! It The p l a i n t r u t h , f a i t h f u l on es .Nothing could top t ha t , and as it a c t u a l l y was g e t t i n g a b i t l a t e for most , the

assembled mult i tude began breaking up, e v e n t u a l l y l e a v i n g i n t h e room j u s t R ic h,Sc ot t , Mike Val eri o and Denny Roy i n th e beds, Ken and Mitch s t r e t ch ed ou t 011 t h ef l o o r a n d H ar r y a nd Mark c o n t i n u in g t o h o ld f o r t h i n f r o n t o f t h e TV. T h e l i g h t sw e r e doused a nd on ly t he f l i c ke r i ng mot ion o f t h e now-sound le ss t e l e v i s io n i l l um-ina ted one end o f the room,

For a bou t t he ne x t two hours , Ha rry a nd Mark qu i e t l y c on t inue d t h e i r d i s c us s i onof t h e m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a li t y o f a r t , t h e c ine ma t i c i n f l ue nc e on comic s, t h e s e x l i f eof Mark' s s i s t e r and as u l t i m a t e l y as i t was i n e v i t a b l e , r e l i g i o n a nd p o l i t i c s ,t h e i r v iew s on t h e f or me r q u i t e similar. and those on the l a t t e r i r r e c o n c i l a b l e .v a r i e t y ' s s a ke , t h e d eb a te w a s laced e v e r y 30 minutes , l i k e clockwork, by Rich ' sp l a in t i ve i nq u i r i e s a bou t when t he y ' d be shu t t i n g off t h e TV a n d g o in g t o s l e e p .The TV, t une d t o WCBS-Ch, 2 , which a i r s Z3+ hours a day, w a s t u r n e d o f f a t s ign-offtime and Mark l e f t t o p u rs ue h i s f a v o r i t e p a st i me , r i d i n g t h e subw ays a t 5 i n t h emorning.What's the . .uh, word f o r . , . ? Oh yeah, he th ou gh t: H e c a l l e d ' i t a day,

Fo r

Harry looked out the window and noted i t was s t a r t i n g t o g e t l i g h t o ut si de .e l e n Kel le r i s n o t a rock s t a r (20)

Around about g 0 3 0 agem the room was buzzing again; Mercy and Nanco had re-t u r n e d and e ve ry on e s a ve H ar ry , l i q u o r b o t t l e c l e n ch e d t o h i s b r e a s t , w a s awake,Well, we have t o do something about th a t , Rich thou ght , and so , be e r i n hand, het r i e d ge n t ly t o rouse h im,

" N O , no more, Je ne t t e! My he ar t , y'know , Not wi sh ing t o d i s t u rb wha t e verdreamy fa nt as ie s were r o l l i ng through Harry ' s s le epi ng mind, Rich dec ided th e heckwi th it and turned on the TV.

A t f i r s t Harry , just kind of mumbled obscure things l i k e ,

" . . , a nd b ro t he r s a nd s i s t e r s , I sa y t o you, t h e r ampa nt s i n , t he he e d l e s spromiscui ty , t he ugly , p e rvas ive drunkenness o f t h e a g e was p r op h es i ed i n t h e v e r yB i b l e I hol d h er e i n my hand!i s , h a l l e l u i a ( s t u d i o a u di e nc e: H a l l e l u ia ! ) , p r a i s e t h o .Lord, b r o t h e r s a n d s i s t e r s ,an d i n o u r h e a f i s , ." That d i d i t . Harry was up a nd swi t c he d o f f t he s e t i none swell foop. Oh f o r su re , he was up now,

T h e a n t i c h r i s t i s come and he's made N e w York what it

A f t e r p u ll i. ng h i m s el f t o g e t h e r i n t h e I L < C ! ~ si d es te pp in g Ken and Denny, Mike andthe e ve r -p re se n t R ic h i n t h e s t ea my li'l bathroom, he made h i s d eb ut f o r t h e d ay .Mitch l e d t he boos a nd h i s se s as Harry regmereed. "And l e t ' s h e a r it for h e s l e e p ye :21:


22/26

guy who makes an obstacle course out of a ho te l room!mother, a mine f ie ld?"dynamite la dy t o have had a b r i l l i a n t s on l i k e m e . " Hyuk hyuk. Touche. "Yeah,"Mitch re jo ined, "she must've been re a l l y blown away when she f i r s t saw you, to o. "H i ho.

Hey, Marry - h a t was your"Well," Harry modestly re pl ie d , "she must 've been a p r e t t y

For no par t i cu la r reason a few minutes l a t e r , Mitch, Denny and Mike took a cuef r o m Jeff Wassennan and began throwing o ut Helen Ke ll e r jokes l e f t and r i g h t .of which th e read ers of t h i s fami ly fanzine would care t o r e ad . )Rich caught a referenc e t o t he de af , dumb and bl ind k id and noted f o r a ll and sundry,"You know, Helen K e l l e r w a s a Fabian So ci a l i s t . " Mike, caught up i n th e genera lgi dd in es s of t h e morning, responded, "Yeah! Fabian! Big rock s t a r o f t h e F i f t i e s ,r i g h t ? " Well, Rich eviden t ly d idn ' t ca tch Mike's en t i re observat ion , because hecame up with th e woxis th a t a lrea dy have been immortal ized, but which bea r repe atin gj u s t once more because they 're th e punchline of t h i s whole thing.

(NoneA t one juncture,

He sa i d :"HELEN KELLER IS-O T A ROCK STAR!" Oh, he was indignant , a l l r i g h t .Nobody e l s e was, though, and i t w a s a t that moment t h a t t h e i d e a o f a one-shot

I f you l i k e what you*veon the DC con h i t Harry. H e l a t e r en tic ed Ken Gale - who e ve nt ua ll y gave up t h eghost of Helen - nd then Mitch into composition of same.read so f a r , as t h e n a r r a t i ve draws t o a c lose , p l ease con t inue and accep t the i rthanks f o r your gracio us approval. And if not, blame Rich, T h a t ' s known as t h eGreg Swan syndrome.I n any event , t h e re ac ti on i n t h e room di ed down and everyone l e f t f o r b re ak -

f a s t , ca re fu ll y avoiding th e place down Seventh Avenue t h a t r ipped se ver al honestf e n o f f f o r alm os t $5 each on a bacon-and-eggs re pa st t h e previou s morning,they wound up a t a co ff ee shop i n an Americana-owned bu ild in g c atty -co mez ed f r o m&if#$ $fl$#d!?!fi#$&$f%h e h o t e l ,one-time K - a w a i t l i s t e r , s p i l l e d h i s orange j u i c e a l l over h i s l a s t -in - the -dea le r ' s -s tock Flesh Gordon poster, nothing much happened there.

I n s t e a d ,Except fo r th e f ac t tha t li'l B v e Konig, the

A s a m a t t e r o f f a c t , nothing much happened when they returned and made anotherswing through th e de al er s room.But eventually came time f o r t h e t r i v i a panel Ken had a hand i n organiz ing, wi thNelson Bridwell as th e man with t h e quest i ons and Jack ,H arr is as A r t Fleming.were j u s t a b o u t a dozen people on t h e panel, which was s e t up in a p a r t i t i o n e d areao ff th e de al er s room, and th e pa n el is ts included Mercy, Rich, Ken, Mitch, ChuckNanco, a coup le o f guys named Bob and Mario, and a few more peop le no one knew. I nthe audience were Dennis C i e r i , Jim Shoote r and Gir lf r i en d Debbie Fix, Harry and

maybe f o u r dozen o t h e r t r i v i a l f en .

There

The panel had been preceded by a s m a l l auc t ion run by Seuling a t which hedumped as much of h i s slow-moving merchand ise as he could.one ki d almost had th e s h i t pounded o ut o f him, though - n d r i g h t l y s o , She l lyMayer happened t o be th er e , up f r o n t with Seul ing, doing some sketch es which wereauc t ioned o f f ,he w a s b i d f o r it; a k i d i n t h e f r o n t r o w , maybe 11 o r 12 ye ar s ol d, shouted: "Howmuch a r e you gonna pay m e t o t ak e i t ? " The kid received a s t e r n p u bl i c l e c t u r e f romSeul ing r egard ing th e impropri e ty o f t h a t r emark. Two,a c t u a l l y , for he phys ica l ly r es t r a ine d Ken from i n f l i c t in g g r ievous bod i ly i n ju ry ont h e l i t t l e fuckass , as wel l .

During th e proceedings,

When a magic marker drawing of Scribbly came up, Seuling asked w h a t

Chalk one up f o r Seuling.

. 22:.


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24/26

Hostess Twink ies. The b ig sho t s go t the cake , the f an s th e Twinkies . F igge r s . Youcan bet Jenet te Kahn w i l l never have a l e t- them-ea t- cake a t t i t ud e wh i l e she ' s pub-l i s h e r ,

Though perhaps tha t ' s be ing too sarcas t i c , Kahn was a t t h e t r i b u t e and p a r t y ,and having been on the job jus t 27 days , was keeping a p r e t t y low p r o f i l e , t a l k i n gt o B o lt i n of f a nd t h e l i k e , I t was a t t h i s p o i nt t h a t Rich once again had a chancet o g a b w i t h h e r - t l e a s t whil e he and Nelson weren ' t bending each ot he r ' s ears,

n t o t h e s u n s e t (22)I- -vening was approaching and i t w a s about time f o r R ic h and t h e Bay S t a t eBombers t o t a k e o f f f o r home, The $24-a-day re nt -a -c ar , which had sa t i d l e i n t h eh o t e l g a r a g e f o r a f u l l day Satur day , had been packed e a r l i e r and now was beingr e w e d u p f o r t h e t r i p back home, E a r ne s t farewel ls were exchanged amongst one and

all, Rich balanc ing a bagfu l o f funnybooks under h is l e f t arm - hat hand was busyw i t h t h e l a s t , memorial can of beer - nd shak ing hands wi th h i s r i gh t .g l i s t e ned i n Mi tch ' s eye ; Ken tu rned t o blow h i s nose; Harry b i t h i s l i p - i s d ar kred f l a nne l s h i r t anonymously sopp ing up the b lood ; V a le r io p re - empt ively pu l l ed h i sj acke t o ve r h i s head; Sco t t had a d r ea m y lo o k i n h i s e y e s as h i s mind d r i f t e d backt o t h e p re v io us n i g h t ; Denny p u l l e d down h i s shades and pol ished a cha in he re , abuck le the re wi th a s p i t- w e t k l e en e x ; a nd t h e g ar ag e a t t e n d a n t i r r i t a b l y s h o ut e d ,C'mon, c'mon, th er e ' s o t he r people wai t in ' t o ge t ou t o f here ,

A t e a r

And s o , t h e i r convent i onal i z ing ended, Rich and company pul led ou t in to t h esunset-shadowed s t r e e t s of Manhat tan , tak ing a long wi th them t he garage ' s sandwich-board hourly r a t e s i g n on t h e i r r i g h t f r o n t f e nd e r a nd t h e t o p o f a f i r e hydrant -which t h e c i t y had c a r e l e s s l y p l a c ed n e a r t h e s t r e e t on the s idewalk - odged i nt h e i r g r i l l e , The r e s t o f t h e g r ou p, s t a n d i n g a t t h e g a r a g e e x i t , w a i t e d f o r acouple of minutes, nervous, te ns e, But when no si re ns were hea rd , the y b rea thed ab i t e a s i e r and went back in s i de t h e ho te l .

Down i n t h e dea le r s room, t h e var ious shady ope ra t ors , r i p f f a r t i s t s , crookedvendors and e v i l moneychangers had begun t o c l e a r ou t, t oo , Mitch and Harry droppedof f t h e i r funnybook purchases and parap hernal ia a t t h e t a b l e o f one o f t h e few honestdea l e r s i n t h e p l a ce - a t l e a s t , tha t ' s t h e way th e f an nis h l y omnisc ien t Ken Galede sc ri be d t h e guy t o them; recommendation enough.cove and esp ied , f o r t he f i r s t time a t t he con , Char l e s Span ie r in t he s ide room 'sent ranceway . The

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October 1976 - Helen Keller Is Not A Rock Star