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On Aging

Getting old is no fun, my dad used to tell me, during his last few years,

before he died at the age of 79. I always reminded him, There are many people

who would have loved to have had that problem. So many remarkable people, in

my lifetime, never made it to middle age, much less old age. It didnt matter if they

were famous wealthy celebrities, or ordinary folks.

This remains to be one of the real mysteries of life to me. Who is afforded

the gift of time, and who is not blessed with such a privilege? There seems to be no

rhyme or reason to it. Many individuals, who were as worthy as anyone, to live a

long prosperous life, were deprived of that opportunity, in a heartbeat, often at a

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very young age. Meanwhile, others, who appear to be the personification of evil,

live on, well into old age.

A friend of mine from high school and I started emailing one another

recently. He and I hadnt communicated with one other, since we graduated in

1967. We were discussing our high school classmates, who have passed on. To our

amazement, there were so many. A number of them have been gone now, for a very

long time.

When we were children, my sister, our friends and I used to lament about

people from our church who had died, and who were in their sixties: At least they

got to live a long life. Thats what we thought back then, when the life expectancy

was much lower than it is today. These days, many of us Baby Boomers are

dealing with our own aging, plus coping with elderly parents.

Recently, I told my sons that I would want them to try to find another Dr.

Kevorkian, if I ever got to the point where I had no quality of life. Its like my

friend explained. She was a few years younger than I, and just recently passed

away. After ten long years, she finally lost her brave battle with cancer. The cancer

had traveled up her spinal cord, leaving her paralyzed. From her bed at the local

Hospice House, she told me that the doctor offered to give her treatments, which

might prolong her life for two months. She opted to not take them, saying, This

isnt living.

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It is very difficult to watch my moms quality of life deteriorate so rapidly.

She refused to have much-needed knee surgery years ago, and is paying the price

for that decision. Until recently, she was able to get around on a walker. Now she is

in severe pain when she tries to walk. Her legs and feet refuse to move for her,

confining her to a wheelchair, totally dependent on someone else. It must be

unbelievably frustrating to lose your mobility and independence.

Often I am so disappointed with myself, in how quickly I lose my patience,

in dealing with her. As a school teacher, I had to practice a lot of patience, so this is

somewhat surprising to me, to see how quickly she upsets me. No matter what I do

for her, it seems like she is never satisfied. She questions everything, like why I

took a particular route, driving her to the beauty parlor. The roles have completely

reversed now, for my sister and me, and our mom. The lady, who once bathed and

dressed us, now needs our help with those tasks. Its obvious that she is so

uncomfortable, in having to ask us to cut up her food.

She is insisting on staying in her own home, even though she falls several

times a day. Her face is usually black and blue, bruised from falling. Its a miracle

that she hasnt broken any bones. People often scowl at me, when I take her out in

public. They act as if I had physically abused her. Two caregivers come in for

several hours each day, but she really needs around-the-clock assistance. Several of

her friends recently moved into an assisted living home, close to where Mom lives.

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Im not sure whether or not she would qualify to be accepted by that facility. One

administrator explained that they require their residents to be mobile. She certainly

doesnt fit into that category.

About a year ago, my sister and I took her to tour another assisted living

home. We wanted to see if she might like to live there. She begrudgingly agreed to

go, but was clearly put out with the entire notion. The facility seemed like a nice

place, with an exceptionally accommodating staff. Still, it somewhat resembled a

scene from an insane asylum. None of the residents had the mental capacity, or

desire, to carry on a normal conversation. Clearly, Mom, who is still as sharp as a

tack, would have been out of place there.

Since there is already a shortage of nursing homes and assisted living

manors, one can only imagine how severe this problem will become, when many

of us Baby Boomers will start needing those facilities. Now is the time for many

enlightened and insightful developers to take advantage of the aging of our

generation. They need to construct more self-contained walking communities, with

one-story houses. Someone should get a head start on building additional nursing

homes and assisted living residences, which will be dire necessities in the

not-to-distant future.

I often worry about how our country and our childrens generation will

survive, bearing the costs of Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare for all of us.

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I cant imagine what a financial burden our generation will be, due to our sheer

numbers. To say it will be a profound impact on the economy, would be such an

understatement.

My first encounter with aging came several years ago, when I was diagnosed

with macular degeneration. This was such a shock to me, since I had perfect vision

up to that point. I recall how matter-of-factly the optometrist explained to me, that

one in every five people, who have the debilitating disease, will lose their eyesight.

He never mentioned there were vitamins, which could keep the disease from

progressing.

Nowadays, its difficult for me to recognize people, if they arent in close

proximity to me. I also have difficulty seeing to drive in the dark, especially in the

rain, when the headlights reflect on the wet pavement. Thankfully, my disease

hasnt progressed in five years. The vitamin regimen which my current optometrist

has me on, probably contributed greatly to that success.

The week before I retired, I went to the DMV to get my drivers license

renewed. No surprise to me, I failed the vision test. I thought that was the kiss of

death. To think that I had worked my entire adult life, then not be able to drive,

once I retired. That would have been life-changing.

It was such a blessing, when I passed the eye exam in the optometrists

office. He gave me a different prescription for glasses, and a note to get my license

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renewed. What a relief that was. I had really been sweating bullets, thinking I may

have my driving privileges suspended. At that point, I understood how my parents

must have felt, when we told them they couldnt drive any more.

For the last ten years, I have had to wear reading glasses. The hardest thing

about that, is keeping up with where I placed them last. When I was teaching, my

students frequently brought my glasses to me, asking, Are you looking for these?

Its hard on my eyes, to spend long periods of time, in front of a computer screen. I

am often embarrassed to see how many emails I have sent out, which were riddled

with typos, even though I had proofread them numerous times. Just as in reading

highway signs, I simply dont see some of the letters.

These days, I often need two pairs of glasses to read, or carry out everyday

tasks. Phone books require the two pairs, plus a magnifying glass. Publishers and

manufacturers should make their products more Boomer-friendly. In my younger

days, I used my sewing machine frequently. Now, threading the machines needle

is an impossibility.

Like many of us, I learned of having arthritis in my knees a few years ago. I

was going to a water aerobics class twice a week, and I hadnt the first inkling that

there was a problem with my knees. After half an hour of rigorous exercising in the

water, my knees started hurting and telling me they were tired of being jumped on

for so long. Upon my first visit to a joint specialist, he told me I had arthritis in

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both knees, as well as a Bakers cyst behind my right knee.

With aging, I have developed several Obsessive Compulsive Disorders. I am

such a germaphobe these days, constantly needing to wash my hands. Touching the

door knob, to exit a public restroom, is something I avoid at all costs. Putting on

lipstick is another one of my OCDs. I dont care whether or not my lips are pink,

they just need to be moistened. I feel lost if I dont have my lipstick with me.

I have a few pet peeves, which have intensified with age. The misuse of the

pronunciation pitcher, when referring to a drawing or photograph, drives me

nuts. And, have we become so lazy, as a society, that we are going to just drop the

contraction, nt, from the phrase, I couldnt care less. Over the last few years,

the phrase has gradually evolved to, I could care less. Doesnt that bother anyone

else? To say, I could care less, completely eradicates the original intent of the

phrase. It becomes a contradiction.

What I miss the most about my youth, is having a limber body. Even though

I exercise, by walking at least five days a week, and trying to swim frequently, this

sixty-year-old body keeps getting stiffer and less agile. I miss being able to lean

over and cut my toenails, without it being so difficult.

About a year ago, I watched a television special on Alzheimers. The show

featured a man, who was in the early stages of the disease. He was standing in

front of his bathroom sink, repeating the same tasks over and over. To my dismay, I

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I always like to imagine how ridiculous it would have looked, for all of us,

as kids, to be carrying around and talking on the old black Banjo telephones, like

the ones we grew up with. That would have really been absurd. Everyone would

have asked, Why do they need to be talking on the phone everywhere they go, and

all of the time? How could they possibly have so much to talk about? I used to

have some pretty lengthy phone conversations, with boyfriends, but certainly

didnt talk on the phone non-stop.

One good thing about aging is receiving perks, like senior discounts at

grocery stores and movies, and getting a reduction in the YMCA monthly

membership fee. I have found the freedom of being retired to be a real luxury,

especially since I had never had the privilege of not working before. Life is less

hectic and not as stressful. As was predictable, my blood pressure improved

greatly, with my retiring from teaching.

Another benefit of aging, is getting more pleasure out of the simple things in

life. All winter long, I enjoyed my daily treks through the deep snow, to the two

birdfeeders. Listening to the numerous birds, who seem to be singing all day long,

as a way of showing their gratitude, gives me great pleasure.

Michael Feldmans humor and wit on his public radio show, WhadYa

Know? is something I look forward to every Saturday morning. During his

two-hour show, my kitchen gets cleaned every week. I also enjoy listening to his

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announcer, Jim Packard, and the arrangements from his talented music duo of

pianist, John Thulin, and bassist, Jeff Eckels.

On Saturday night, I am thoroughly entertained by the hilarious,

complicated, convoluted tales by the masterful storyteller, Garrison Keillor. His

public radio show, A Prairie Home Companion, is a delightful blend of talented

guest musicians, his monologues and stories. My favorites are his Guy Noire

episodes and the tales from Lake Woebegone, Where all of the women are strong,

all of the men are good looking, and all of the children are above average.

On the same station, Keillors show is followed by The Mountain Stage,

show, From the Mountain State of West Virginia. This awesome production is the

brainchild of Andy Ridenour and musician Larry Groce. Celebrating its 25th

year

anniversary a couple of years ago, the show features an eclectic blend of incredible

music. It is a wonderful venue for established, famous music legends, as well as

up-and-coming musicians.

I dont watch much primetime television, but my one visual treat every week

is CBSs Sunday Morning show, with its bow-tie-clad host, Charles Osgood.

This program has such an entertaining, uplifting blend of features on art and artists,

music and musicians, news, and human interest stories. Nancy Giles and Ben Stein

offer varying, insightful opinions and commentaries. Bill Geists humorous stories

often showcase some of the most bizarre events all across the country. I like

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watching The Oprah Show, to get inspired by many of her segments and guests.

Walking, swimming and taking hikes, are my favorite pastimes. For me,

being out in the woods, communing with nature, is such a spiritual, uplifting

experience. Staying at home makes me perfectly content too. Sometimes Ill put on

oldies music, other times Ill listen to a completely different genre. The music

selection, changes with my mood. As I relax in my recliner, and sip on a cup of hot

tea, my two cats stretch out on my lap. I savor every moment. One day, I may

pursue my lifelong dream, of moving to a beach community. Taking long morning

and evening walks, beside the ocean, is something I think I could get used to.

A few years ago, I purchased some jingle tap shoes, the real noisy ones.

That was one thing Ive always wanted to do. I lay my big square of plywood

down on the living room carpet, put on Chet Atkins and Tommy Emmanuels CD,

The Day Finger Pickers Took Over the World, and have the best time tapping to

their music. Of course, I dont really know what Im doing, since I never had tap

lessons. Its still great fun and good exercise, anyway. Thats one item on my

bucket list to mark off.

These days, I am passionate about affecting positive change in our world.

Lately, I have been involved with people all across our state, in fighting a situation

which we believe is unjust. It has been inspirational in dealing with like-minded

individuals, who have dedicated so much of their time, energy and money to this

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worthwhile endeavor. As a group, we were able to get legislation passed, which

will benefit landowners for years to come. Social conditions, which seem to be

unwarranted, or which need to be changed or challenged, will often get much of

my time and attention.

Just recently, I have started communicating over several websites, with

former childhood neighbors and high school friends. Rekindling old friendships,

has been a real pleasure for me. We have enjoyed sharing photographs, from our

younger days. It is interesting, how it seems like the older we get, the need and

desire to reconnect with our roots greatly increases.

My favorite story, on aging, comes from a recent tour of a local assisted

living facility. One of the directors of the place, was showing me and my sister

around, and took us into several apartments, explaining the differences in size and

costs. He showed us one room, and explained that the lady who had lived in that

particular apartment for several years, had just recently moved out. She left, to

marry her high school sweetheart. She was eighty-five, he mused. The moral of

this story is: To those of you who think that you have missed the boat on finding

true love in your lifeIts never too late.