8/7/2019 One-Liners [Week One]

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Ben Broughton One-Liners frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

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The Newsjack App

MAN: With so many problems in the Middle-East; wars in Iraq and

 Afghanistan, tension in Israel, a revolution in Egypt, I think Alex

Reid should keep his opinions about the Muslim country;

Jordan, to himself. They¶re bound to dislike him due to his

cross-dressing antics.

WOMAN: If the BBC can get Camilla for µThe Archers¶, surely they can

get Prince Harry on µWho Do You Think You Are?¶ so the poor 

boy can finally discover who is biological father is.

WOMAN: Camilla is having a cameo on µThe Archers¶, I didn¶t even

realise the horse¶s had dialogue.

GIRL: OMG have you heard about cyber terrorism? FYI it¶s like the

next biggest threat.BTW it¶s no LOLing matter. Colon, open

bracket.

MAN: Katie Price received a police escort to escape the paparazzi,

she¶s being treated better than royalty; Diana didn¶t even get

that luxury.

STUDENT: (POSH ACCENT) Myparents pay my phone contract, so I¶m notworried about these student top up fees.

TORY MP: UK Day will celebrate the µbest of British¶; urine soaked red

telephone boxes, fish and chip shops that have gone into

8/7/2019 One-Liners [Week One]

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Ben Broughton One-Liners frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

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liquidation, pregnant teens and rising alcoholism. Rule

Britannia.

MAN: (WHEEZING) RAF servicemen were illegally importing

cigarettes from the Middle-East and selling them on, it¶s a

bloody disgrace (BEAT) now I¶m back to paying top price for 

my smokes. (COUGHS)

WOMAN: Selling our forests is one thing, but I heard the Conservatives

are so desperate for money that the tree in their party logo is

even up for sale.

SHOP KEEPER: Cutting the EMA for students is going to have a detrimental

effect on my business; it¶s as if the Tories don¶t care about

crooked shop owners supplying minors with alcohol.

MAN: David Blunkett claims he was a victim of phone hacking, I feel

 just like him; I never saw that coming.

WOMAN: Sadiq Khan accused Mr Cameron of ³writing propaganda for 

EDL´; I¶ll believe that when I hear Tommy Robinson use a word

with more than one syllable.

NewsFox

NEWS READER: (ANGRY, AMERICAN ACCENT) Liberal actor and possible

Communist; Charlie Sheen has gone against God and all that¶s

holy with his partying antics. Living a life of drugs and

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