Online Greenlight Review Part 2

7/29/2019 Online Greenlight Review Part 2

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FROM SCRIPT TO SCREEN:

ONLINE GREENLIGHT REVIEW PART 2

ALE X EDM OND S

Allocated Words: Cemetery, Light Bulb and Tight-Rope Walker

Story Title: Cheating Death


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------ SCRIPT

Link to Updated Script -http://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-

cheating-death.html

------STORYBOARD

Link to Draft Storyboard -http://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-

screen-updated-storyboard.html
http://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-updated-storyboard.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.htmlhttp://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screen-cheating-death.html


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------PRODUCTION DRAWINGS, ENVIROMENT


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------PRODUCTION DRAWINGS, CHARACTERS


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------VISUAL CONCEPT INFLUENCE MAP


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------CHARACTER INFLUENCE MAPS


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------CREATIVE PARTNERSHIP

Creative Partner: Matt Coward-http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/

Comments onMatts blog from Myselfto Matt:

13 January 2013 01:30

Matt I really like the whole concept that the beginning is in fact the end, it gets the viewers

attention right away thinking "what has happened here?". Really interested to see what you

come up with for the unfortunate man's death. Are you thinking comical? a serious death? just

plan crazy? as you said there are many possibilities. He may not necessarily die from the fish

bowl, the death could involve a fish/fishes but the bowl could just fall on his head at the end for

a little gag :)

13 January 2013 01:47

I actually do like version 1 with the whole struggle of the seemingly simple task to wash a

window of dirt. When it comes to incorporating your fish in the story what sprang to mind for

me was someone coming out of a neighbouring pet store carrying a fish bowl with a fish in it

and walks past the struggling window cleaner and then you could think of something that

happens there like a collision for example? Also maybe the fish element hasn't got to be alive?

Possibly a van full of raw fish could pull up on the curb right where he is working and it stinks!

And he hates the smell of fish - that could certainly spark something? Oh and I also read Phils

comment on an earlier post about looking at it from the fishes perspective, in a fish world - I

actually think that would put a great spin on things so definitely something to think about :)

16 January 2013 23:07

Hey mate good choice of scenes, personally I think you should go for toy story - the camera is all

over the place using pov of buzz and when it cuts to different angles and shots. The others look alot more complicated to me but thats just my opinion. Looking forward to your like for like

which ever one you choose :)

Comments on My blog from Mattto Myself:

9 January 2013 16:25

Unlucky alex you got me as your Creative partner :0 lol

It's good that you've already come up with 3 strong ideas to begin with. I like the idea of death

making him win his chance of life through a phhysical challenge, sinister but quite funny.

20 January 2013 00:31

This is an amazing like for like, as Sam said, it's very dynamic and it makes you assume there is

fast paced action within that film just from the way you have drawn the images. Good job man

20 January 2013 00:22

That's a shame becuase I really liked the top story, it sounded so fun. Do you know what one

you're sticking with now?

Are you still incorporating the same tight rope backstory because it is a good one.

21 January 2013 13:00

Haha I like seeing your written idea materialise into a storyboard. This is funny too, especially

the ending. It's quite funny that death can't be cheated because he actually cheats himself tomake sure he wins everytime. The story shows why death can never lose. It's a cool story and I
http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/


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love the idea of the "chance" of living again by having a fruit machine included. Thats ironic and

gives false hope becuae the main charcater takes his chances but he can never win because

death will never allow it, it's similar to the gambling world, You may win a little but you will

always ultimately lose more. Nice work :) Can't wait to see you character designs etc

Conversation between Mattand Myself: (edited parts)

Saturday

5:47pm

Alex Edmonds

I left some comments on your blog check them out, hows your project going? done your like for

like?

5:50pm

Matt Man

yeah I think I replied to those earlier. My project has been up and down wbu? doing my like for

like atm

5:54pm

Alex Edmonds

oh I haven't got an email, ah right are you still having trouble with your story? and oh which one

have you chosen?

6:00pm

Matt Man

Ive got a different idea that I saved as a draft

but I think I haventspent enough time on my stories because I'm trying to stick to a basic, short

story but Idont know

if it makes it boring?

6:02pm

Alex Edmonds

Oh rightwhats that then? and yeah well the simpler the better, you don't want to over

complicate things

6:08pm

Alex Edmonds

do you reckon Phil will allow you to have your prop as a fish instead of the bowl itself?

6:14pmMatt Man

as for the prop, maybe...... I'll ask him

thats the thing, the examples I checked out are really basic and I honestly thinkthats the kind

of stories we should be coming up with. I dontwant some over complicated thing and then not

be able to do it

6:23pm

Alex Edmonds

yeah its worth a try because you can do so much more with a fish, plus he let me have the

underworld as opposed to cemetery, and yeah simpler is better, he told me I was over

complicating things so Ive kept it simple

6:25pm


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Matt Man

ok I'm going to leave comments in your work tonight. What could I do with the fish as a prop

though?

7:07pm

Alex Edmondsok mate I haven't done a lot and I don't know it just seems like you can do more with it other

than a fish bowl, whats your draft idea btw?

8:12pm

Matt Man

The idea I'm going for is a window cleaner who gets commissioned to wash the main window of

a new gallery that is showing expensive art. As he goes to clean this window he gets distracted

by the centrepiece of the gallery; a pure Gold Fish in a diamond bowl. So he touches it and it

explodes, then he tries to fix it. In the end he replaces it with a badly drawn version of a fish and

he thinks he's gotten away with it. But then the owners come in and it cuts to him lying dead.

Ive got a fuller version of this on blogger that I need to upload

8:12pm

Matt Man

You haven't done much? I can't help but think there's not too much to do anyway

8:15pm

Alex Edmonds

Hmm that's interesting but where is the morgue at? And does the painting justify the prop? Yeah

Ive only done like 3 posts and well there is, just depends when you do it, the final list of what

we need on our blogs is like 2 pages long on the brief

8:18pm

Matt Man

I know the morgue will be at the beginning and the end. Because the beginning starts off from

the end and the story explains how he got there

8:19pm

Alex Edmonds

Ah I see, I'm liking it, I'm liking it - post it

If you want

8:21pm

Matt Man

Are you really? Yeah I'm trying to tie the loose ends up, I have a more in depth version of it

though so it should make sense. Where are you at in your project?

8:30pm

Alex Edmonds

yeah like I said before I like the fact the beginning is the ending, you just need to tie up the loose

ends like you said, its that damn fish bowl that annoying and Ive just been doing ogr stuff

8:32pm

Matt Man


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Well the fish bowl could be the art work that he ruins? At first it was going to be in a pet shop

and he crashes into it

Theres not much to do for the ogr is there?

8:34pm

Alex EdmondsAh right but does that justify as the prop? What you got to think is will the same story work if

something replaced that? If not then you're good, if it does then you need to use it in a better

way

And no there's not, Ive almost done all of it today

Apart from like for like that I did a few days ago

8:36pm

Matt Man

Oh right, thats what Phil said too, hmmm

Monday

12:34am

Alex Edmonds

btw I thought of another idea for you, if you're still struggling?

11:58am

Matt Man

Yeah please, go for it

12:20pm

Alex Edmonds

ok basically I thought about the "fish bowl" on a larger scale, works the same way with the dead

person in the morgue at the beginning - so imagine a window washer is cleaning a window

which is actually the window of an aquarium (you know like the underground ones you get) and

there are sharks in there so that could act as your "fish bowl" then I was thinking one of the

sharks wants to eat the window washer and distracts him or something, and is trying break the

glass, so there's like this comedic rivalry between them - the window washer could get startled

and trip on his equipment which would make the shark laugh for instance, the way he dies is the

glass does break the shark spills out of the giant tank and gets his mouth half in the mans body -

(a shot of the sharks mouth coming up to the screen) ---- in the morgue beginning sequence its

a man with a shark half down his body if that makes sense ?? But yeah its not great but it just

came to me

12:22pmAlex Edmonds

also alternately you could have the window washer doing the same thing but the shark inside

the tank is trying to get to another female shark on the opposite side and it just happens that the

window washer gets in the way as they both break out of their tanks to get to each other and he

has two sharks either side of him covering his body - but the sharks are happy because they're

together

1:35pm

Matt Man

Haha quality, are you sure you don't want to swap stories?

I love the idea of a large scale tank like an aquarium

I never thought of it like that. I'm drafting ideas up on it now. I wish I could suggest things for

you but you've had a solid idea from week one


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2:03pm

Alex Edmonds

Haha nah Im good ok then glad you like it, just came to me last night, let me know what you

come up with, dont worry about it

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Online Greenlight Review Part 2