"Our New Electrical Morals" Pitch

8/11/2019 "Our New Electrical Morals" Pitch

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*train noises*

PAN PAN

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Douglas: Ding dong! Business Cat, Imhere for the shareholders meeting.

PAN

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Business Cat: Right on schedule.

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BC: First order of business, are westill on for jelly jam sandwiches at

six?

D: Im warming them up in my hat rightnow with brain-power.

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Delta blues crooner: Jeeeeeeeellyyyhrrrmmmm jaaaaaaaam!

BC: Good.

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(pause)

BC: Thats all I have. Any new business with you?

D: I found this dumb baby.

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*dumb baby noise* BC: A dumb baby? Whose dumb baby?

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D: I dunno. It was just on the groundbeing stupid, so I picked it up.

D: Well be your dads until we find youractual dumb parents.

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BC: Dumb babies are expensive and badfor business. How can we turn this

crisis around?

D: Dont ask me. Youre the BusinessCat.

BC: Yes.

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BC: I am the Business Cat. BC: We should invest money in the babyfor future gains. Here.

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BC: Put these dollars in its mouth. *baby coo*

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BC: Is it generating any profit?

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D: Its generating something ... BC: This is no good. One might say thisis the opposite of good.

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l l


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D: You think the babys ... D: Evil?!

*dramatic music cue*

ZOOM IN

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Liquid Assets

BC: Since the arrival of this baby, ourliquid assets have plunged 80,000

percent.

BC: If this trend continues, we willhave infinitely negative liquid assets

by the end of the quarter.

*Camera follows moving arrow*

Liquid Assets

CAMERA PAN

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L i q u i d As s e t s

BC: Douglas, go find that voodoo-babysparents before it ruins the business. Or

Ill dispose of it myself.

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D: But where are they?

Panel 32

L i q u i d As s e t s

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*Wendy and Brian play keyboard and drum machine, respectively*

Wendy: That was good, but youre comingin with the beats too early. Wait for

the arpeggios.

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D (O.S.): Haunted baby incoming! W: Ah!

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D: Ha ha, Wendy. You drop babies harderthan your robot-thing drops fat beats.

*happy baby coo*

W: What are you doing with a baby?

WALKSPAST

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D: Finding it a home. Is it yours?

W: No.

W: Its cute. And sticky.

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*cracking noises*

W: Wait, why do you think its mine?

D: You can give up the charade, Wendy.

D: It got its grubby fingers into myjelly jam.

DBC: Jeeellllyy jaaaaam, gettin babiesall stickyyyyy.

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*more cracking noises*

D: Business Cat told me all about yourbaby prison.

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*ground shakes, tank noises*W: Please dont call my uterus a babyprison.

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BC: Douglas, I purchased this expensivetank to protect us from financial

bankruptcy.

D: Dont shoot! Ill confess governmentsecrets!

PAN

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BC: And its that babys fault.BC: Coincidentally, we are now bankrupt.

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BC: Or baby momma.BC: Deliver it to that baby daddy.

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BC: Maybe deliver it to inside this tankgun.

W: Im voting against the tank-gun idea.

BC: Or both.

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D: No tank guns. Business Cat, I motionfor an emergency shareholders meeting.

BC: Well Im voting for it twice.

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BC: Sorry, Wendy. Shareholders only.BC: Motion granted. You may enter thetank.

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W: You owe me, like, twelve dollars,Business Cat, which means I basically

own most of the business.

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D: No girls.

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D: Wow, its really hot and muggy inhere.

BC: Yep.

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*quiet dramatic music*

BC: Enough of this nonsense. We cantafford having that baby around anylonger.

*louder dramatic music*

D: It needs a home thats not theground. We should take care of it.

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*even louder dramatic music*

BC: If you dont lose that baby, Illlose that baby for you.

*even louder dramatic musi0c*

D: Youll have to get through me first,cat man.

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*deafening dramatic music*

*BC raises and flips a switchblade*

D: Looks like somebodys cruising for abruising.

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*hatch opens as music cuts* W: This kids stomach is growling. Doyou have any baby food on you? Like

mushy fruit preserves?

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D: We cant find your parents, but we

cant afford to feed you our jelly jam.

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D: I guess ...BC: (pounding palm) Its too precious acommodity.

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BC: Heres a knife in case any hobosgive you trouble.

D: This is goodbye.

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BC: Forge your own path into the future.Rely on yourself.

BC: A lot of babies with missing parentsbecome totally rad adults. So do that.Grow up and be rad.

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BC: Let it go, Douglas. Its a baby ofthe rails now. Its free.

*train whistle*

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*train noises and shadows rumble by*

D: This isnt right!

D: We should have raised him as our own.

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D: I did toss him around like afootball.

BC: Douglas, that babys safer on therails than with us. Wed make terribleparents.

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BC: With us out of the equation, thatbaby has a slightly higher probabilityof being just fine.

BC: I gave that kid my shanking knife.Do you know how irresponsible that was?

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*blinding light*

DBC: Teerrrrible paaaarents, they gave aknife to a baaaaby!

T E R

R I B L E P A RENT S

*sci-fi noises*

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Time Buffalo: Guys! Have you seen a babyaround here?

D: No, Time Buffalo. Thankfully, allbabies are now a safe distance away fromus.

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*camera zooms in and spins*

TB: Oh man, if I dont get that babyback to the 1930s, the parodox willdestabalize the timeline and--

*cracking noises*

TB: Our realm is already collapsing!Quick, we need to search the premisesbefore--

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BC: Stop trying to impress us with yourlame-o adventures, Time Buffalo.

TB: But the timeline--

D: Cmon. Lets go eat some funky freshjelly jam sandwiches.

DBC: (reflectively) Jelly jam.

Documents

"Our New Electrical Morals" Pitch