Over Actor Pilot1

7/30/2019 Over Actor Pilot1

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"Over Actor" Pilot


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3/23

CONTINUED: 2.

DAVIDMr. Spitz, look, Im not awriter...

ANTHONYClearly! You know "smackadoodle"

isnt even a god damn word?

DAVIDI mean I didnt write the scriptfor the commercial...

ANTHONYOh, sure, absolve yourself of anyblame for this... monstrosity!

Anthony throws his script in the air, but since its onlytwo pages, they fall to the floor slowly and gracefully.

Squinting at him, Anthony slaps Davids clipboard out of hishands.

David sighs, bends down, and begins gathering papers, takinghis eyes off Anthony.

DAVIDMr. Spitz, Im sorry it wasnt whatyou expected, and we try our bestto have the utmost respect for ouractors. We can solve this its a...

CRACK!

David looks up just in time to see Anthony slurping the foamfrom an overflowing, freshly-opened can of beer.

DAVIDMr. Spitz, what are you doing?!

ANTHONYTrying my best to have the utmostrespect for my producer. Cheers.

He raises his beer, then chugs.

DAVIDSir... my g... you cant-

Anthony holds up a finger to Davids face, still chugging.

DAVIDYou cant drink-

(CONTINUED)


4/23

CONTINUED: 3.

Anthony shakes his finger, shushing David further. The crewhas stopped working, now looking at Anthony in disgust.

Anthony finishes the beer with a growl, crushes it on hisforehead, and throws it to the ground, breathing heavily,finger still raised.

ANTHONYIm above you, David.

Anthony raises another finger, showing a "peace sign".

ANTHONY (CONT.)Peace.

He lowers his index finger and rotates his hand, flippingthe bird right in Davids face.

ANTHONY (CONT.)

Smackadoodle, bitch.

CUT TO:

EXT. VINCENT THOMAS BRIDGE - NIGHT

A bottle of pills sits with Anthony on the ledge of theVincent Thomas Bridge. He is fitting a noose around hisneck, puffing on a joint.

A barrel of gasoline lies on the ground, as well as a fewempty grocery bags. Anthony hums happily.

An OLD MAN (70s, short, round glasses, overcoat) shuffles infrom the distance, eyes to the ground. Anthony notices himand freezes.

The old man stops.

ANTHONYHey... uh. Its not what it lookslike...

The old man simply looks at him.

ANTHONY (CONT.)No, see, Im not actually... youknow, killing myself... Im anactor, this is...

The old man still stares blankly. Anthony looks around.

(CONTINUED)


5/23

CONTINUED: 4.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Uhh...

Anthony holds out his joint.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Toke?

The old man, a bit startled by the request, takes the joint,draws, and exhales from his nose. Anthony smiles.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Alright! There ya go! Tasty!

Anthony takes the joint back from the old man, sticking itin his mouth. He turns away and gathers materials.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Anyways so, youre probablywondering why Im out here all

suicidey, huh?

The old man looks out over the water, wordless.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Well, ya see, I was watchingHeathers the other day, and Irealized two things...

The old man starts climbing over the railing slowly. Anthonyis too busy to notice.

ANTHONY (CONT.)First, that Christian Slater has avery punchable face. And second,everyone loves a suicide victim.

The old man looks at Anthony with a mix of sadness anddisgust, now straddling the bridge railing.

ANTHONY (CONT.)So I thought, man I gotta get mesome of this sympathy or whatever,and so... here I am.

Anthony laughs to himself.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Like Id actually kill myself.Come on, Im not that pathetic. AmI right?

Anthony turns just in time to see the old man launch himselfoff the bridge. A muted splash is heard.

(CONTINUED)


6/23

CONTINUED: 5.

Anthony looks from the spot where the man jumped to hissuicide materials and back to the spot where the man jumped.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Wh-

CUT TO:

INT. FUNERAL HOME - THREE DAYS LATER

We see the body of the old man laying in an open casket.Everyone in the room is dressed in black and crying...

...everyone except Anthony, who stands over the casket in atweed jacket with a Twisted Sister shirt on underneath andratty jeans.

He looks over at the poster beside him, reading aloud.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Bart Albatross - Husband, Father,Friend, Teacher - We will cherishyou... as you cherished life...

Anthony lets out a snort and walks from the casket. A fewpeople look over at him, upset. Anthony pushes through somepeople before he sees the door.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Outta here...

FRANCINEOh! Excuse me, Mr. Spitz!

Anthony groans and turns around to see FRANCINE CARTER (36,attractive, black, big smile, in a somber black dress)hopping towards him. She shakes his hand.

ANTHONYYeah, do I know you?

FRANCINEHi, Im Francine Carter, Imprincipal over at Emilio EstevezHigh. Im sorry you had to be therefor... you know.

Anthony pauses, looking back at people crying.

ANTHONYYeah, real bummer.

(CONTINUED)


7/23

CONTINUED: 6.

FRANCINETragic. Bart was the Director forour High Schools Drama Clubperformances, the studentscherished him...

ANTHONYCherished...

FRANCINE(smiling)

...AAAND I couldnt help but noticeyou from a few commercials Iveseen on TV.

ANTHONYYou know me from... mycommercials...

SMASH CUT:

FLASHBACK - EXT. PARK

We see a beautiful park. Trees are green, sun is shining,children are running around and playing, happy.

Anthony, wearing a bright-colored sweater, walks on screenand speaks to the camera.

ANTHONYAh, what a beautiful day. But even

the most beautiful days can be anightmare when you have erectiledysfunction.

SMASH CUT:

FLASHBACK - INT. KITCHEN SET

Anthony finishes washing a pan, then holds it up to thecamera.

ANTHONYWOW! Look at that shine!

He puts the pan down and addresses the camera sternly.

ANTHONY (CONT.)But even the cleanest pans cantmake up for the stain that iserectile dysfunction.


8/23

7.

SMASH CUT:

INT. BLANK SET

Anthony stands in a penis costume, rocking back and forth.Korean letters flash in front of the screen, as does a

frowny face.

Anthonys penis costume slowly begins deflating.

SMASH CUT:

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY

Anthony scratches his head, at a loss for words.

ANTHONY(lying)

Yeah, I... think of myself more ofa stage guy.

FRANCINEWell, thats perfect because I waswondering if you would be able tofill in for Bart as the Drama ClubDirector?

ANTHONYI... I dont know... Im not, uh,so good with kids.

Francine laughs.

FRANCINETheyre not kids, Mr. Spitz,theyre high schoolers, practicallyadults.

ANTHONYHigh schoolers...

SMASH CUT:

FLASHBACK - INT. LOCKER ROOM - 34 YEARS AGO

A young Anthony, also bald on the top of his head, is heldupside down by three BULLIES.

One is holding his legs in the air, one is punching him inthe gut, and the third is collecting the money thatsfalling from his pockets.

(CONTINUED)


9/23

CONTINUED: 8.

SMASH CUT:

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY

ANTHONY

No, Im sorry I cant.

FRANCINEPlease? Itll just be til we finda replacement...

ANTHONYNo, wish I could, but busy busy,Im meeting with Elton John and TomCruise to talk about Eyes WideShut the Musical I just...cant.

Anthony exits the funeral home quickly...

EXT. PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

...only to run into a TEEN BOY (15, skinny, short, wearing ablack suit) who was trying to enter. Anthony is about toscold him when he notices the boy is crying.

TEEN BOYS-s-orry mister...

He sniffs and Anthony holds the door open for him.

ANTHONYIts uhh, its alright kid. Goahead.

The boy walks inside, nodding his head at Anthony, whopauses for a moment before going to close the door...

...only to almost close it on a TEEN GIRL, who apologizes onher way in, also teary-eyed.

Anthony looks to the parking lot and sees a school bus withthiry kids filing out of it, all of them somber and wearingblack.

As each student gets off the bus, they are hugged by MORGANBROWN (16, brunette, pale, intelligent but shy, wearing ablack pantsuit).

Anthony holds the door as the kids file in one by one.Morgan is the last to the door, she takes it from Anthony.

(CONTINUED)


10/23

CONTINUED: 9.

MORGANThank you sir!

ANTHONYWait, so, you all came just to seeyour drama coach?

MORGANWell yeah...

She starts to tear up.

MORGAN...he was the best. We all lovedhim.

She smiles, wipes away her tears and heads inside. Anthonywatches as the door closes.

ANTHONY...I need a drink.

INT. ANTHONYS APARTMENT - NIGHT

We see a dark, messy, and cramped apartment. A frustratedjingling of keys can be heard outside the door.

After a few seconds Anthony falls into the apartment, drunkoff his ass. From the floor, he raises a half-empty bottleof store-brand rum in the air.

ANTHONYI made it!

Anthony pulls himself up after a few seconds, flicking on alight. He squints around the room, finally calling out:

ANTHONY (CONT.)Michael!

He begins frantically throwing the items strewn on the flooraround: a cordless phone, a "free tibet" t-shirt, a moldybunch of bananas.

ANTHONY (CONT.)MICHAEL!

He stands and stares at a door down a hallway.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Michael!

(CONTINUED)


11/23

CONTINUED: 10.

Anthony stumbles to the door and thrusts it open. Anthonygrowls.

ANTHONY (CONT.)There you are you son of a bitch!

CLOSE ON a cardboard cutout of a young, 1990s, "Bruce Wayne"

Michael Keaton.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Youre the reason I cant do this.

KEATON(Anthony putting on a voice)

Me? Thats just like you Spitz.Force your blame on others whydont you?

ANTHONYYou took away everything from me.

You are my tormentor, MichaelKeaton.

KEATONTook away? Ha! I beat you. Fair andsquare, buddy. Auditions were held.I was the perfect Batman. You are anobody.

ANTHONYNo!

KEATON

Youd have been worse than Clooney!

ANTHONYNo! NO! NO!!!

KEATONYou were at the funeral today,Spitz. If that were your funeralwould there be people filing in tosee you. No! Wanna know why?Because youre a cock Anthony. Acock with no god damn balls.

ANTHONYI have balls.

KEATONThen SHOW THEM!

Anthony begins unzipping his pants.

(CONTINUED)


12/23

CONTINUED: 11.

KEATON (CONT.)No you fool! Not me! Not your ballsballs!

Anthony zips himself back up.

KEATON (CONT.)Youre a fool. An idiot. Buttheres still hope yet for youAnthony...

Anthony looks up at the cutout.

KEATON (CONT.)You need to get out there, and showthose high school freaks yourmetaphysical BALLS!

A schoolbell rings.

CUT TO:

EXT. EMILIO ESTEVEZ HIGH - A FEW DAYS LATER

Anthony is parked in his car. He is wearing a nicer suit andholds a reusable metal water container.

In it, he pours coffee, a red bull, a monster, and vodka. Hecloses the lid and shakes it. Then removes the lid and sips.

Anthonys face puckers for a few seconds before returning to

normal.

ANTHONYDelicious.

CUT TO:

INT. HS FRONT OFFICE

Anthony enters the office, where Francine is standingtalking to PAULA (40s, overweight, bob haircut). She noticesAnthony, who waves half-heartedly.

FRANCINEMister Spitz, youre early.

ANTHONYEarly? Dont I need to direct kidsor something?

(CONTINUED)


13/23

CONTINUED: 12.

FRANCINEWell the Drama Club doesnt meetuntil after three...

ANTHONYI dont have to be in til after

three...

FRANCINEYeah! But while youre here we cando some administrati-

ANTHONYNo thats fine, I actually wantedto run some errands today.

Anthony turns and speed walks out of the office.

FRANCINE

Oh, alright.

Francine turns to Paula.

FRANCINE (CONT.)He left in a hurry didnt he?

PAULAWell, obviously whatever hes doingis very important, Francine.

SMASH CUT:

EXT. EMILIO ESTEVEZ HIGH

Anthony takes a big rip from a bong in his car.

SMASH CUT:

INT. HS FRONT OFFICE

FRANCINEYoure right, Im being weird.

SMASH CUT:


14/23

13.

EXT. EMILIO ESTEVEZ HIGH

Anthony is sleeping in his car.

EXT. EMILIO ESTEVEZ HIGH - FOUR HOURS LATER

Anthony wakes up and sleepily takes another hit from hisbong. Yawning, he looks at the clock.

It reads 3:21. Anthony stares at it, eyes red.

ANTHONYThree... I feel like I was supposedto do something at three...

He looks out his windown and jumps. A REDHEADED KID isstanding, staring at him. Something clicks in Anthonys mindand he hurries himself out of the car.

He begins sprinting towards the school. The redheaded kidpulls out his phone and starts punching.

CUT TO:

INT. HS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Anthony is sprinting through the halls, high. When hefinally gets to the theater, there is a small group ofstudents standing outside the double doors.

Morgan is joined by:

JUSTIN (18, attractive, nice smile) who reads a schoolbook...

MYRA (17, pretty blonde) who leans on Justins shoulder,smiling at him while he reads...

ARCHEN (16, small and skinny, middle-eastern, thin glasses)who types away on his mac...

LENNY (17, tall, broad shouldered, muscular and stupid) whopicks his nose.

ANTHONYAre you... is... drama...?

Morgan perks up.

(CONTINUED)


15/23

CONTINUED: 14.

MORGANYes! Are you Mr. Spitz?

ANTHONYI am. Hi. No wait! Im not high, Iwas just saying hi. Im not high,

I... Im not.

The group stares at him. His eyes are bloddshot.

MORGANOkay, well Im Morgan, clubpresident, this is Lenny, Justin,Myra, and Archen.

They all wave as their name is said.

ANTHONY (CONT.)Okay! Well, uh, is... is this

everybody?

MORGANNo, well most people left afterorchestra kicked us out.

ARCHEN(without looking up fromcomputer)

Orchestra always kicks us out.

JUSTINSomeone should go talk to them.

MYRAIll do it for you Justin!

JUSTINYou want to deal with Kohn? Heshould go.

He points at Anthony, and they all look at him, which onlymakes Anthony even more uncomfortable in his high stupor.

ANTHONYOkay, well then Ill go talk to,uh... the cone. Be right back.

Anthony enters the theater.

LENNYHe seemed nice.


16/23

15.

INT. HS THEATER - CONTINUOUS

A orchestra is playing, quite terribly, on stage. Anthonycovers his ears. Leading the orchestra is SEBASTIAN KOHN(late 40s, short, pudgy, loud).

As Anthony gets closer, he realizes that Sebastian only hasone hand. His right hand is fine, but he has a Gunter Wandappendage in replace of a left hand.

ANTHONYExcuse me!

SEBASTIAN(not looking)

WERE BUSY!

ANTHONYWhat? Busy playing like shit?

Sebastian calls the orchestra to a stop. He turns.

SEBASTIANWhat in your right mind makes youthink its okay to say that to agroup of aspiring young musicians?

Anthony shurgs. Sebastian squints at him from the stage.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)Oh my god... its Anthony Spitz...That explains it.

ANTHONYIm sorry, do I know you?

SEBASTIANWe went to high school togetherremember? Its me? Sebastian Kohn.

Anthony stops walking forward, thinking.

SMASH CUT:


Anthony is being beaten up by the same bullies as before,except this time we see a young, fat Sebastian standing nextto them.

He looks terrified and is standing in a circle drawn on thefloor with the writing "On Deck"


17/23

16.

INT. HS THEATER

ANTHONYIce cream Kohn?

SEBASTIAN

In the flesh, well, mostly.

Sebastian pops off his "wand hand" and places it in a box onstage. He pulls out a normal-looking hand and pops it on inreplacement.

He jumps off the stage.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)TAKE FIVE EVERYONE!

The orchestra scatters. Sebastian extends his "shaking hand"to Anthony and they shake.

ANTHONYSebastian... what happened?

SEBASTIANCarpel tunnel caved in my hand. Inother words, I was so good at pianothat parts of my body couldnt evenexist with me.

ANTHONYWell...damn

SEBASTIANDamn indeed. Im fine though. Ivegot my orchestra.

ANTHONYSpeaking of which, Im the newDrama guy so...

Sebastians face hardens.

SEBASTIANWait, youre the new drama guy?

ANTHONYYeah.

SEBASTIANThen get the hell out of myauditorium.

(CONTINUED)


18/23

CONTINUED: 17.

ANTHONYExcuse me?

SEBASTIANYou heard me. Drama...

ANTHONYIm sorry Im really confused.

SEBASTIAN"Drama kids are all nerds and weakgeeks" ... the greatest myth of alltime...

SMASH CUT:


The bullies are beating up Sebastian, except this time,theyre all dressed in Shakespearean garb.

SMASH CUT:

ANTHONYIm sorry I just kinda wanna getthis over with so...

SEBASTIANWell then let me give you a hand!

Sebastian slaps Anthony with his prosthetic limb, causing

Anthony to get a bloody nose.

ANTHONYAhhhwhattheshit!

Furious now, Anthony grabs Sebastians hand, pulls it off,and throws it on stage, where it hits a gong, falls to theground, and breaks.

Anthony looks at Sebastian and smiles.

CUT TO:

INT. PRINCIPALS OFFICE - SOON AFTER

Francine is staring at Anthony, who looks at the floor inshame.

(CONTINUED)


19/23

CONTINUED: 18.

FRANCINEIts your first day, and you comein 30 minutes late and break acrippled mans prosthetic hand...

ANTHONYI know.

FRANCINEThis cant go unpunished. Sebastianwill have the theater for the week.

Francine gestures while speaking.

FRANCINE (CONT.)Im giving you an opportunity here,Mr. Spitz. Take it.

She holds her hands out for him to "take" the invisibleopportunity. Anthony bregrudgingly leans forward and takes

it.

FRANCINEJust think about it... just, youknow, think...

ANTHONYIm sorry, I promise. Everything Ido from now on is 110% for mythinking brain.

INT. HS - CONTINOUS

Anthony exits the office and begins walking down the hall.He pulls a flask out of his jacket and has three gulps.

CUT TO:

INT. HS LIBRARY - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Anthony stumbles into the schools library. There is asingle LIBRARIAN (60s, grandmotherly and short) whom hewaves to.

The librarian waves back not keeping her eyes off him as hestaggers and sits at a free computer desktop. He opens upthe internet, goes to Google images and types in: MichaelKeaton.

A flurry of Keatons arrives on the screen, at which Anthonyglares.

(CONTINUED)


20/23

CONTINUED: 19.

ANTHONYI cant do it.

KEATONOf course you can stupid, yourejust doin it wrong. Always soangry. Always so alone.

ANTHONYIm not ALONE!

The librarian looks at Anthony, wildly confused.

KEATONYou are alone. You let yourself bealone because you dont seek outhelp.

ANTHONYI seek out help from you...

KEATONBut I am you! Im a figment of yourfucking imagination. Seek help froma person... a real one this time.

Anthony sits back in his chair, looking around. Thelibrarian ducks behind the desk. Anthony sighs.

MORGANUmm... I could help.

Anthony looks back to see Morgan sitting with the rest of

the group from earlier. Anthonys eyes widen.

ANTHONYHow long have you been there?

MORGANSince you got called in to see Ms.Carter... we said hi but you weretoo busy, um...

ARCHEN(not looking up from computer)

Doing whatever the hell that was.

Anthony laughs.

MORGANOkay so Im not normally one tosuggest we do something bad, wewere kinda thinking...

(CONTINUED)


21/23

CONTINUED: 20.

JUSTIN...we want to put leftover mac andcheese in the brass instruments.

Lenny holds up a vat, halfway full of gross cafeteria-stylemac & cheese.

JUSTINYou may be useless, but Kohn is adick for no reason. So are theorchestra kids.

Anthony smiles.

ANTHONYWell then...

He stands.

ANTHONYLets go stick our cheese up theirbrasses.

The rest of the group smiles.

CUT TO:

EXT. EMILIO ESTEVEZ HIGH - 30 MINUTES LATER

The kids and Anthony leave the school laughing.

MORGANThat was fun Mr. Spitz, it waswrong. But it was weirdly fun. Isthis like what murderers feel like?

ANTHONYNot sure, but I will say things arestarting to look up, eh drama club?

They all laugh. Anthonys smile fades as they walk in viewof the parking lot where...

...Anthonys car is being towed. Anthony runs up to thePOLICE OFFICER (30s, male).

ANTHONYWhat going on!?

OFFICERTaking this bad boy to the impound.

(CONTINUED)


22/23

CONTINUED: 21.

ANTHONYWhy?!

OFFICERGot an anonymous tip about someonesmoking pot on a school campus.

Found a bong and some weed in thecar. That and it was parked in ahandicap space.

ANTHONYAh, I see.

OFFICERIs this... your car sir?

ANTHONYMy car? Oh, no! No! I dont, Imuh, I bike. Im a cyclist.

The officer looks at Anthonys gut, then back at him.

OFFICERAre you certain, sir.

ANTHONYI just started out...

OFFICERMmm. Alright, well, off we are.

The officer pats Anthony on the shoulder before jumping into

the tow truck and moving out of the High School parking lot.

As the car pulls away, we see the redheaded kid standing andstaring at Anthony. Anthony looks back, seemingly calminghimself down.

Suddenly Anthony begins sprinting at the kid, yelling. Thekid runs.

ANTHONYI HATE HIGH SCHOOL! I HATE IT!

FADE OUT

POST-CREDITS


23/23

22.

INT. HS THEATER - AFTERNOON

Sebastian and the orchestra are readying themselves to play.

SEBASTIANAll ready everyone? Weve got this

place for the week, so lets havesome fun. I just want you all toplay as loud as you can for meokay?

Sebastian walks over to one side of the stage.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)Alright, Lets hear strings.

The strings play loudly. Sebastian shushes them and moves tothe drums.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)Okay, now percussion!

The percussion section beats their drums loudly.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)Good, and the woodwinds!

The woodwinds play loudly. Sebastian walks over in front ofthe brass section.

SEBASTIAN (CONT.)And the brass.

The brass section plays loudly, spewing leftover mac andcheese all over Sebastian.

FADE OUT

THE END

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Over Actor Pilot1