Mirador 2/5/10 Sports 15

2010 Winter Olympics Preview, Eh?by Davis Louie and Jeremy Unger

As the 2010 Olympics near, all eyes are on Vancouver as the best winter athletes descend upon the Canadian city. Along with Jeremy Unger, the Mirador consulted our own resident Canadian, Davis Louie, to get his opinions on each of the events.

Alpine skiing: The return of superstar/alcoholic skiier Bode Miller will highlight a strong U.S. team, but the Americans will face a huge challenge from European powers Austria, Switzerland, Norway, and Italy. On the women’s side, Number one ranked skier Lindsey Vohn is looking to sweep the four Alpine events and lead the Americans to victory. Davis’ Take: No longer seeing double, Bode should have no problem taking home the gold.

Biathlon: Okay, this has to be the most ridiculous and unique sport in the world. I mean, who decides to combine cross-country skiing and target shooting into a sport, and then put it into the Olympics? A must see. Davis’ Take: When Call of Duty doesn’t pose enough of a challege.

Bobsled: The only knowledge of this sport that I have comes from the movie Cool Runnings, so unless the Jamaican bobsled team makes an appearance I probably won’t be tuning in. Davis’ Take: See the rhythm hear the rhyme get on up it’s bobsled time.

Luge/Skeleton: For those who don’t think bobsledding is dangerous enough, luge and skeleton basically offer individual bobsledding, but on a small board barely able to fit one’s body. Expect some serious injuries and crashes from this one. Davis’ Take: This event is bad to the bone, I want to see some sick crashes.

Cross country skiing: This event pits skiers in a grueling race over varied, mostly flat terrain. Although it can seem like a boring event, especially at the longer distances, the sprint finishes can come down to tenths of a second, so at least check in at the end of the race. Davis’ Take: Like running but you have two sticks strapped to your feet.

Curling: The official sport of janitors, curling actually requires more than just the ability to sweep a broom. Geometric calculations are necessary to get the stones as close to the target, especially with multiple stones. Davis’ Take: It’s the 21st century and we’re still throwing stones?

Figure skating: Really?Davis’ Take: ...

Freestyle skiing: With the introduction of ski cross (a ski race most similar to moto cross), freestyle skiing should actually be worth watching this year. Whether American star Daron Rahlves will be able to race is up in the air after

his crash in Winter X Games 14. Davis’ Take: Gravity is the only motor found here.

Ice hockey: With NHL stars Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby going at it for their respective countries, maybe we’ll see a big matchup between Canada and Russia.

Davis’ Take: By far the coolest game on earth.

Nordic combined: A combination of ski jumping and cross country skiing, this is another one of those Winter Olympic sports where you wonder where it came from. However, like the Biathalon, we are deeply intrigued.Davis’ Take: Cross contry skiing...with ski jumping...fun.

Speed skating: All eyes will be on American star Apollo Anton Ohno, who only needs two golds to be the most decorated speed skater in Olympic history. If he can return to the level of excellence that he showed in Salt Lake City in 2002 then expect the golds to start totaling up. Davis’ Take: Speed skating= really fast skating.

Ski jumping: A primarily European event, ski jumping requires sheer will to complete these distance jumps,

which can be over 750 feet long. This year will be quite contentious since the Olympic Committee has removed women’s ski jumping from the Olympics, causing a group of female ski jumpers to file suit in Canadian court, which was rejected. Davis’ Take: The closest man gets to flight.

Snowboarding: The flying tomato Shaun White should have a cakewalk to the gold in Vancouver, but his biggest challenge will be his American teammates Louie Vito and Greg Bretz, who have consistently shown to be better than their European counterparts. Davis’ Take: Shaun White, you’re making gingers around the world proud.

by Aleck Ryner and Brian Friel

The Malice at the PalaceNov. 19, 2004 With less than a minute remaining, the Indiana Pacers appeared to be wrapping up an ordinary regular season game, as they led the Detroit Pistons by a score of 97-87. But after a flagrant foul by Pacers forward Ron Artest, who is no stranger to questionable actions on the basketball court, things quickly turned south. A mosh pit of shoving and restraining between players, officials, and coaches ensued, and within minutes, the situation somehow escalated to the point where fans were hurling cups of Diet Coke at players, inciting Artest and his teammates to run into the stands and begin pounding random spectators whom they mistakenly believed were responsible. Stephen Jackson, a future poster boy for our beloved Golden State Warriors, was naturally seen running around, sucker-punching anyone who was dumb enough to get in his way. Amidst the chaotic free-for-all someone even chucked a metal folding chair across the sea of people who had congregated on the court. In all, nine spectators were injured. 83% of fans who voted in a poll by ESPN.com said it was “the ugliest incident of fan-player violence” they had ever seen.

Phillip Wellman is off his rockerJun. 4, 2007After his starting pitcher was ejected for using a foreign substance, Minor League manager Phillip Wellman did what any good manager would do, which is to scream in the umpire’s face until he is forced to back down. Wellman, however, took it a step further and completely blew his top with a tirade of protests. Throughout his temper tantrum, Wellman covered home plate with dirt, uprooted all three

bases, and tossed them into the outfield, crawled in a prone position across the infield like a soldier, pretended to bite and toss the rosin bag at an umpire as if it were a hand grenade, and finally attempted to eject the umpires themselves with a fist-pump, followed by blowing a farewell kiss to the crowd while taking a bow.

The “Safety”Oct. 12, 2008After finishing 0-16, the 2008 Detroit Lions were easily the most miserable team in recent memory. Yet as pitiful as they were, the Lions at one point found themselves tied in a game against the playoff-bound Minnesota Vikings.

This, naturally, didn’t last long though as quarterback Dan Orlovsky was “sacked” for a safety. As it turns out, it ended up being the deciding score of the contest. What was more pathetic though was that Orlovsky was never even touched. He ran out of the back of the endzone. “When they started blowing the whistle, I was like, ‘Did we false start, or were they offsides or something?’” Orlovsky said. “And I looked, and I was just like, ‘You’re an idiot.’”

Ridiculous InjuriesInjuries are quite common in sports, but the 2000’s proved to be a decade of some that were not quite as run-of-the-mill. Some of these less mundane injuries include former Cubs star Sammy Sosa missing time for a strained back due to a violent sneeze. Pitcher Adam Eaton stabbing himself while attempting to open a DVD. NHL defenseman Keith Ballard swung his stick in frustration and inadvertently struck his teammate Tomas Kovoun, causing him to

leave the game on a stretcher. But taking the cake is NFL kicker Bill Gramatica, who, after nailing a 42-yard field goal, jumped up in wild celebration. As he came down, Gramatica tore his ACL, causing him to miss the rest of the season and add further embarrassment to the kicker position nationwide.

The Oakland Raiders: Let the Good Times RollAfter reaching the Super Bowl in 2002, the Raiders franchise fell apart. There are a few reasons for this, most notably the NFL draft and poor management and free agent decisions by owner Al Davis. The Raiders have not drafted a pro bowler in the first round since Nnamdi Asomugha in 2003, despite having five picks in the top 10 of the draft. These draft blunders usually result from picking players based solely on their lightning quick 40 times, an obsession of Al Davis. Combine these players with free agent mistakes like Javon Walker and you have the Raiders, the laughing stock of the league since 2002.

Plaxico Burress and Micheal Vick: Role ModelsPlaxico Burress and Michael Vick share two things in common, both play football, and both have spent time in jail. Michael Vick earned jail time for dog fighting and Burress got time for inadvertently shooting himself in the leg in public. Vick is currently back in the league with the Eagles and Burress is still in jail. Maybe professional athletes aren’t the greatest people to look up to.

The Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco Show Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco also have two things in common; both are pro bowl receivers, and both are famous for their inventive touchdown celebrations. Owens’ celebrations include pulling a sharpie out of his sock and autographing the football, taking pom-poms from a cheerleader, dumping a fan’s popcorn down his helmet, and running to the star at midfield at Cowboy Stadium, twice while he was a 49er. Ochocinco has become even more inventive, as his antics include proposing to a cheerleader, playing golf with the pylon, wearing a “future HOF?” golden jacket during a game, attempting to bribe a referee during a replay ruling with a one dollar bill, and holding a sign saying “Dear NFL, please don’t fine me again!” Naturally, he was fined for all of these incidents.

Uh-Oh’s of the 00’s: The Marvelous Mishaps of Sports

Mirador’s resident Canadian Davis Louie helps predict the must watch events in Vancouver

Bode Miller will try to rebound in Vancouver after leaving the U.S. team three years ago due to issues with his attitude and actions.

Photo: Erich Schlegel/Dallas Morning News/KRT/MCT

Chad Ochocinco sports a sombrero at the Pro Bowl.Photo: Joe Rimkus Jr./Miami Herald/MCT