Pain Living In My Pen: The Untold Truths of

A Street Poet

MAURICE BISHOP

STRAWBERRY PUBLICATIONS, LLC RISON, AR

STRAWBERRY PUBLICATIONS, LLC PO BOX 895 RISON, AR 71665

COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY MAURICE BISHOP

ILLUSTRATIONS COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY HARRIS FIGURES

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN: THE UNTOLD TRUTH OF A STREET POET is a work from the author’s feelings and personal experiences.

It is not meant to depict, portray, or represent any particular persons, living or dead, actual events, establishments,

or organization. Other characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and are used

fictitiously to give this poetry book a sense of reality and authenticity. Any resemblances of fictionalized events or

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Published by Strawberry Publications www.strawberrypublications.com

ISBN-13: 978-0-6923-2182-9

ISBN-10: 0692321829

Front Cover Design Strawberry Publications, LLC

Back Cover Design Dynastys CoverMe

Cover Photo Maurice Bishop

Illustrations Harris Figures

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PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

1

MOLESTATION

I Blame God! Because when I came home from school with a lunch box and mini bear… My uncle stood in front of me and gave me a cold stare and told me to go upstairs and wait there… I did just that, but curiosity had me scared… More scared than being locked in a casket filled with tarantulas there… As he came upstairs and entered my room, his smile was cold… He stared at me and told me to take off my clothes, but I said "NO!!" So he forced it off me and told me to do as I'm told! I cried trying to break free from his tight hold, but he’s too strong and wouldn't let go… I screamed and tears began to flow as I watch my uncle taking off his clothes… As he rammed his impurities into my purified soul… I felt sicker than a patient with full blown AIDS flowing out of control… I cried like a child having nightmares and afraid to close his eyes… Cried like a child without his mother by his side… Cried like a child with wolves surrounding him… Cried like a child in the deep end of the pool, but it's his tears he's drowning in…

MAURICE BISHOP

2

I Blame God! Because after my uncle, playing his video games, he calls for my name… I be hiding under the bed praying that his mind is change… But it never goes my way so God is who I blame… Because as I'm being dragged on the floor he treats me like one of his whores as he videotapes me for his sexual gain…

Every time I look at him my stomach turn its back on him… It's like the devil on my shoulders and I'm running laps with him… Cutting my tongue gives me a reason why I can't chat with him… And when he thinks about molesting me I pray that his manhood and everything else collapse with him…

I Blame God! No bath or clothe can wash away the shame… Because I can keep washing and washing and still feel the same… I was an 8 year old child crying for help… I rather die hoping he feel how I felt… Like cutting my arms and lynching him with my veins… Cutting my chest open and forcing my heart in his eye sockets passing his optics so he can see my pain… Some say I'm insane… And I guess I am because the definition of insane is traumatic experiences entering the skull eating the inside of your brain…

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

3

I was so mad at God I wanted his blood dripping from the sky… And every time I look at myself in the mirror the mirror cries…

I Blame God!

Every time I stand next to him I throw up… And just when I'm about to hang myself God shows up… He said, "YOU WANT TO DIE AND YOU THINK THAT YOU SHOULD… BUT WHAT THE ENEMY MEANT FOR BAD I CAN TURN IT AROUND FOR YOUR GOOD…" Then God took me in the universe, and show me planet Earth upside down… He said, "EVERY TIME THE WORLD IS SPINNING AROUND, EVERY CHAIN THAT WAS BOUND ON THE YOUTH

ARE FALLING TO THE GROUND… WHEN YOUR UNCLE WANTED YOU DEAD I KEPT YOU ALIVE… AND WHEN YOU CRIED I SENT ANGELS FROM THE SKY TO WIPE THE TEARS FROM YOUR EYES… I KNOW YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IT… I EVEN PROTECTED YOU FROM RECEIVING AIDS FROM YOUR UNCLE BUT YOU NEVER KNEW IT… YOU THOUGHT I ABANDONED YOU… BUT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT OF MY THOUGHTS, NEITHER YOUR WAYS MY WAYS… WISDOM I LOVE YOU, AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU… AND BEFORE YOU ENTERED YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB, BEING VICTORIOUS IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE IS

HOW I CREATED YOU…"

MAURICE BISHOP

4

Harris Figures ©2015 for the poem Life Is A Game of Chess.

“This piece symbolizes the distractions of everyday life,

and the will one has to stay focused on God.” ~Harris Figures

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

5

LIFE IS A GAME OF CHESS

The world of war is like a chess board… And victory is stored in a closed box in our mind so we fight on the floor… But before the fight begins you must know your opponent and know your mission… Because 64 boxes on the board represents boxes of decisions… One wrong move will leave you slipping in a bad position… Time is short and the clock is ticking… Enemy pawns moving forward, never backwards this is just the beginning… And now both sides are fighting for center of attraction like basketball exhibition… Life is a game of chess, but the game of life ain't no competition… We tried hard to be a star, but don't give the King recognition… Please listen, before battle I pray in my castle in total submission… And the King touch me and said, "The word RESIGN is not written in your definition… The reason warriors lose in battle because prayer is missing… And having faith and doubt is like having your head splitting and blurred vision… Fear becomes your psychiatric supervision and you're stuck in a prison… And that's why knights who fight for the King become chicken… Living a defeated life is not living… And although the King has many disciples, not all Bishops are real Christians…

MAURICE BISHOP

6

So don't be stuck on religious traditions nor false religions… Because following a dead message is far worse than a man being lead into car collision… So Check! Move little King! Check! Move again little King! Because the queen is the most powerful woman in the ring… Being captured by her can cost you everything… Because she'll make love to you with no strings attached, but yet you get strangled in your own string… That's what I call Check Mate little King! I told the King, “How can I get to the other side…” The King said, “Visualize yourself on the other side, and think few moves ahead and analyze… You might think you're in a losing battle in your mind… But don't you stop, don't you run, don't you hide… Because I will never leave your side so still fight till’ victory rise… The pieces on the board are only pieces of my thoughts… Design to show you how battle is fought… Get your head in the book because my strategies are taught… The enemy wants to hook you in his trap so don't be the one to get caught… So let the weak say I am strong because only the strong finish last… Anything can happen in the end game, but the game ain't over till one surpass…

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

7

Life is a game of chess and you must beat all odds… I know all and see all, that's why I am God… No expert nor grandmaster can master what I've mastered… Because their first move will only make them a master of their own disaster…”

MAURICE BISHOP

8

Harris Figures ©2015 for the poem Love Poem for My Wife.

“This piece symbolizes Maurice’s wife being

the inspiration behind this poem.” ~Harris Figures

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

9

Love Poetry for My Wife Every time I write my pen bleeds for this woman I call my wife… My heart on paper recite words that can't flow through my windpipe… Words bring tears to the eye sight… I'm so one with her that death couldn't depart us even in the afterlife... This woman I’ll fight for and even give my life for… Journals to love letters I write for… And I love her so much that my heart bleeds through my pores… Hurt to the core… Crying and screaming on the floor on all fours… And if loving her is double the pain I want more… Because pain makes us stronger and wiser… We still loving and still ain't tired… Boot Camp of Love made us survivors… Without pain is like a speeding car on the highway with no drivers… Being in love is the reason I write these rhymes between the lines… I wish I could put a clock in my mind to show her that I think of her every time… She's intelligent and gorgeous… Her smile is a fortune…

MAURICE BISHOP

10

Her love don't cost a thing, but no man can afford it… I don't need trains, planes, boats, nor porches… Because I traveled everywhere in her mind to the depths of her heart so you can say I'm a tourist… If her hair was lost in the wind, and the beauty on her face decided to end… I'll take my eyes out my socket and place it in her heart so I can see the beauty within… Her skin has many scars in the past because her scars are diamond cut… Whether diamonds in the dirt, or diamonds in the rough, she's a diamond sure enough… I know this woman was treated bad and abused in the past… And for every bad experience I lay on it for her in a bed filled with broken glass… For every deep cut and stripe on my back is a symbol to look ahead and never look back… And if you look at my back it’s a reminder just to stay on track…

PAIN LIVING IN MY PEN

11

Betrayal – Infidelity

I am far more worse than Judas, please believe this… Instead of betraying my wife with a kiss, I betrayed my wife with a knife that cut so deep in her heart it can't be stitched… Never thought after being hitched I would lay my wife life in a ditch… Crying and balling my fist tight till the blood drips through my fingertips… Having a mouth like God was all I can wish… But my confession to her was like atomic bombs and poison that poured from my lips… I deserve to be beheaded and whipped because I lived my life as if my wedding ring never exist… I lied to my wife, lied to God so my wedding vows is ripped and it's sick… Instead of my wife making love to me, she made love to my two other chicks…

I AM FAR MORE WORSE THAN JUDAS! My wife was a rose that never bloom… Dreams of starting a family really soon… But I blind her eyes with lies, and place her heart in a tomb… From midnight to noon trying to change time with my mind, so I assume… But my life is a disastrous typhoon as I watch my wife blood cover the moon… As I sit in bed like a caterpillar using my blanket as a cocoon…

MAURICE BISHOP

12

Trying to go to sleep, but guilt keeps me up with demons dancing in my room… To heal her, I wish to never exist in my mother's womb… Because even if her heart was stitched the past has a way of reopening her wombs…

I AM FAR MORE WORSE THAN JUDAS!

While I was stressed and depressed I put razors to flesh… And engraved Sorry on my chest… Trying to be apologetic, but my words wasn't accepted… My relationship was disconnected… Spiritually infested like open scars on a HIV patient that never been tested… I was stressing, restless, and alone… Especially at nights when she never came home… Calling her, but she never answered the phone… It hurts to the bone… Because I'm trying to win her heart, but she's drunk on Patron… All I want is marriage restoration, but it's consequences I'm facing… Repent and praying. Trying to be patient… And no love in my own habitation…

MAURICE WISDOM BISHOP

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