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Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. VALLEY OF THE SUN CHAPTER
F “For the Families & Friends of those who have died by violence”
19620 North 38th Avenue, Glendale AZ 85308-2215
Chapter Phone: (602) 254-8818 Chapter E-mail: [email protected]
* National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. (POMC)
4960 Ridge Ave. Suite 2, Cincinnati, OH, 45209 (513) 721-5683 Fax: (513) 345-4489
Toll Free Number (888) 818-7662
http://www.pomc.com/phoenix/index.html Volume 25: No. 7 July 2016 https://www.facebook.com/pages/POMC-Valley-of-the-Sun/
MONTHLY SUPPORT MEETING
LOCATIONS 4
th Tuesday - Grief Support Meetings
All Meetings Start at 7:00 PM
◄EAST VALLEY MEETING►
Tuesday, July 26 7:00 PM
Mountain View Lutheran Church
11002 S. 48th
Street, Phoenix AZ
Room #8
(1/2 mile West of I-10 at 48th
Street & Elliot)
Facilitator: Claudia Marco
480-290-3908
◄WEST VALLEY MEETING►
Temporarily Closed
◄CENTRAL VALLEY MEETING►
Tuesday, July 26 7:00 PM
Mountain View Police Precinct
Community Room
2075 East Maryland, Phoenix AZ
Facilitator: Beckie Miller
Co-Facilitator: Carolee Holbrook
623-582-2406
◄SPANISH SPEAKING MEETING►
Tuesday, July 26 7:00 PM
Queen of Peace Church
30 West 1st Street Room St. John 7
Mesa, AZ 85201
Facilitators: Sandy & Paulino Navarro
480-695-4789
◄◄SPEAKER/INFORMATION►►
MEETING (2nd Tuesday of each month)
Tuesday, July 12, 7:00 PM
*** Mountain View Police Precinct
Community Room 2075 East Maryland, Phoenix AZ
(off AZ 51 at 20th Street between Glendale
Avenue and Bethany Home Road -
Across from Granada Park)
***Our meeting this month will feature:
Jan Upchurch, Director of Victim Services at
the Arizona Department of Corrections to
speak about their program and also answer
your questions.
NEWSLETTER EDITOR
Mail Memorial Page items for “The Journey” by
the 10th
of the month prior to publication month to:
POMC Newsletter
19620 North 38th Ave Glendale AZ 85308-2215
*Please use order form on Page 11
You can also email items to [email protected]
Be sure to place any article or picture in an
attachment, otherwise it can’t be accessed
properly (especially pictures) and may not be
used. Also, be sure to put POMC Newsletter in
the subject line of the email.
CRIME VICTIMS LEGAL ASSISTANCE
PROJECT
Free legal aid to help assert victims' rights
through Arizona Voice for Crime Victims @
(480) 600-2661, P.O. Box 12722, Scottsdale,
AZ 85261 or contact Mary Wallace at
2
Michelle Hayward
July 2008
Dennis Sidak
July 1, 1994
Torey Deshun Suell
July 1, 1995
Tony Haynes
July 1, 2001
Jerome Harris
July 1, 2001
Chad Cassidy
July 1, 2005
Jonathan Duane Gibson
July 1, 2013
Robert Juan Cruz
July 2, 1999
Anna Maye Baker
July 2, 2007
Christopher Spivey
July 2, 2009
Barbara & William Singer
July 2, 2104
Eric Scott Hanson
July 3
John Curtis Harris
July 3, 1989
Jonathan Lee Sutherland
July 3, 2010
James Kuykendall
July 4, 1989
Ryan Winn
July 4, 1995
LeeAndra Vera Ann Rosco
July 4, 1995
Anthony J. Boles
July 4, 2002
Ian Stenhouse
July 4, 2007
Brianna Wood
July 4, 2007
Harold Corum
July 5, 1986
Kelcey S. Lewis
July 5, 2000
Natalie Kiehle
July 6, 1998
Jerome McGill
July 6, 2011
Kevin Shay
July 7, 1983
Richard S. Romero,
Danielle D. Romero
& Donna Anthony
July 7, 2001
Stephen Berry
July 7, 2004
David Lysle Kiper
July 8, 2000
Perjah Deloris Relerford
July 8, 2007
Stacy Marie Wasilishin
July 9, 1993
Kathy Pinkerton
July 9, 1997
Jay Anthony Smith
July 9, 2006
Tobias Camacho
July 9, 2011
Dewight Westbrook
July 9, 2012
Alicia Marie Barfoot
July 10, 1993
Elena Teresa Adell Lasswell
July 10, 2004
Justin Jackson
July 10, 2008
Cheryl Maher
July 10, 2011
Alecia Putrow
July 11, 2001
Ame Deal
July 12, 2011
Alexis Acosta
July 13, 2001
Johnny Lorona
July 13, 2002
William Henry Braesch, Jr.
July 13, 2013
Gary Edwards
July 14, 1996
Kathy Acosta
July 14, 1999
David Esparza
July 14, 2005
Marquis Johnson
July 14, 2007
Jeffrey Marx
July 14, 2009
Greg Lanman
July 15, 1989
AnnMarie & Roscoe Merchant
July 15, 1999
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
3
zContinued. . . .
Cindy Richards
July 15, 1999
Lucas Walter
July 15, 2000
Gabrielle Rivera
July 15, 2001
Zanetta Marie Hopkins
July 16, 1980
Toop Jones
July 16, 1998
Jennifer Carter
July 16, 1999
Donna Ferguson &
Todd Rudiger
July 17, 1992
Jason A. Pitts
July 17, 1994
John Kidwell
July 17, 2007
Sue Higgins
July 18, 2001
Christy Buus
July 18, 2005
Tabisha Paige Criado
& Elijah, Isaac, Andrew,
Aurora & Noah
July 18, 2011
Matthew Mersch
July 18, 2011
Shaniqua Hall
July 18, 2012
Renee Cooper
July 19, 1996
Son of Joanne Hython
July 19, 1998
Eric Jon Shutack
July 21, 1997
Jose Saucedo, Jr.
July 21, 2002
Laythan Burnett-Bartley
July 21, 2005
Stephanie Mason-Brown
July 21, 2012
Althea Hayes
July 22, 1993
Shawn Richard Bullock
July 22, 1998
John W. Eichelberger IV
July 22, 2000
Tia Theresa Payne
July 22, 2010
Nichols Samuel DeCola
July 23, 2015
Angel Sandoval
July 24, 1993
Naomi A. Wils
July 24, 1998
Terry Lee Cadman-Olinski
July 24, 1999
Brandon Bass
July 24, 2005
Monica Flores
July 24, 2010
Gabriel Frasquilo Trujillo, Jr.
July 24, 2010
Robert Jared Marchant
July 24, 2011
Shayley Estes
July 24. 2015
Lenny Slatest
July 25, 1996
Michael Joe Medinas
July 25, 2009
Michael David Grady
July 26, 1992
David Cruz
July 26, 2012
Roman G. Fernandez, Sr.
July 26, 2015
Johnnie J. Hudson, Jr.
July 27, 2000
Anna Baker
July 27, 2007
Matthew Carter
July 28, 1990
Markiese Tyrell Royalty
July 28, 2010
Joseph Troogspad
July 28, 2011
Richard Martinez
July 29, 2011
Cipriano Garcia, Jr.
July 30, 2006
Stephen Michael Sanchez
July 30, 2000
John “Aaron” Byrd
July 31, 2000
Crystel Cabral
July 31, 1994
Jill Ann McCarthy
July 31, 2001
George Wesley Montgomery
July 31, 2014
Every effort is made to ensure accuracy
on these pages. Please notify us
immediately with any errors or changes.
4
VALLEY OF THE SUN CHAPTER NEWS
TRIAL, JUDICIAL & ARREST UPDATES
The trial for the murder of Salina Navarro, who was killed in October 2009, has finally ended with a guilty
verdict and the jury recommended a life sentence. Salina is the daughter of Susan Solano Navarro.
“Our hearts, thoughts and prayers are with each and every family member as they endure this difficult
process.”
IN LOVING MEMORY GIFT DONATIONS (THANK YOU!) (*All donations are tax deductible: Our chapter exists on the generosity of others, grants, and fundraisers)
♥ Douglas May & Connie Hawley in very loving memory of son, Merritt “Dustin” May.
♥ Sandy & Paulino Navarro in very loving memory of their son, Michael Garcia.
♥ Don & Beckie Miller in very loving memory of their son, Brian Ray Miller.
♥ Carolee Holbrook in very loving memory of her son, Brett Holbrook.
CORPORATE & OTHER DONATIONS THANK YOU! UNITED WAY (Please Note: the write-in number to designate funds to our chapter through your employee
contributions is 0772). You must use this number for designating any funds to go to our chapter. Our chapter
name is not listed except by number.
Through United Way Donations: Christine Busch in very loving memory of her son, Erik and Melissa G.
Mersch in very loving memory of her son, Matthew. Also an anonymous donation through Salt River Project
employee and anonymous donations from City of Phoenix employees.
AMERICAN EXPRESS - donations from Norma Yanez, anonymous, and Lindison Y. Webb in honor of
Del Edward Webb, and Tara E. Williams in memory of her brother Kirk Best and mom, Sally Whitney. Julia
Wright also donated to our chapter.
MESA UNITED WAY (City of Mesa)
COLD CASE REGISTRY FOR HOMICIDES (PHOENIX POLICE DEPARTMENT)
The Phoenix Police Department has a Cold Case Registry on line. The link is
http://phoenix.gov/police/investigations/coldcase/index.html.
COLD CASE REGISTRY FOR HOMICIDES MCSO (SHERIFF'S OFFICE)
The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office has a cold case registry for any victim, victim's family member, or other
lawful representative of a victim of a cold case who requests to be included in the registry. This process
provides law enforcement with an avenue to contact family when there are new developments in the case.
In order to submit a request, please contact the MCSO Homicide Unit. Telephone: 602-876-1087. E-mail:
SPEAKER INFORMATION MEETING ON TRAUMA THERAPIES/COUNSELORS
Our meeting this month featured Brett Peterson of Arizona Voice for Crime victims who is a licensed
therapist and a victim advocate. Brett explained first the Science of Trauma. Many of you know grief is
emotional and some realize physical also, but most do not realize how much the brain is changed by a traumatic
event. When survivors feel like they are going crazy it is because the trauma of losing a loved one to violence
has changed the brain and a victim cannot focus, has memory problems, and trouble reasoning – as if our brain
is off-line. Trauma counselors (specifically trained in trauma techniques) can help victims cope with what is
happening. They can help a client to regulate, relate and reason with the form of therapy best suited for the
individual’s personality such as:
EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
CBT – Cognitive Processing Therapy
MINDFULLNESS – Meditation and grounding tips can help victims cope
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to help the brain process the trauma with rapid eye movements. CBT helps
victims to get unstuck with negative thought from the trauma, i.e., if you are driving in traffic and another driver
races around you; instead of getting mad, you are taught to think, maybe he is racing around me rushing to the
hospital for the birth of a baby or, as in one of our member’s case, she always had a trigger from seeing
someone in a hoodie, as her son was murdered by someone in a hoodie. In therapy, she learned when she saw
5
someone walking down the street in a hoodie to think maybe they are just wearing one because they are having
a bad hair day.
In finding the right counselor for yourself the first question you should ask them is if they are specifically
trained in trauma – a Trauma Informed therapist. They should be a licensed therapist and the below are how to
know what they are by what is listed after their name:
Ph.D or Psy D (psychologist)
LPC or LAC (counselors)
LMFT (social worker)
LMFT (marriage/family therapist)
You can find a therapist in Psychology Today, goodtherapy.com or through your health insurance.
If you find the right therapist you should feel it is a therapeutic relationship in which you feel safe and
connected. If not, find someone else.
The right therapy can help you process the trauma and give you tips and coping tools but there is no magic
want to make your pain go away. Learning to live with your pain will help you to rejoin life and accept your
“new normal.”
NEW NAMES ADDED TO OUR MEMORIAL WALL – “IN THEIR LOVING MEMORY”.
Matthew James Lord McLean and Wyatt Robert Cardany
FRY'S COMMUNITY REWARDS PROGRAM FUNDRAISER FOR OUR CHAPTER
Our chapter is now a part of the Fry's Community Rewards program. If you shop there, you can simply sign up
(one time only) to connect your VIP card and we will get a percentage of proceeds. Just go to
http://www.frysfood.com, select Register, under Sign In information, enter your email and create a password.
Select User Card # and enter your Fry's VIP number, last name and zip code. Under Select Your Preferred
Store, enter zip code of that store. Select Find Your Store then select Create Account. You will be prompted to
confirm your email. Click the hyperlink to finish creating your Online Account. If you already have an Online
Account with Fry's, you can skip this and go to https://frysfood.com/topic/community?activePage=community-
rewards-2. Select Sign In and enter your email and password. Select My Account and then Account Settings
from drop down menu. Click Edit under Community Awards. Under Find Your Organization, select box next
to POMC and enter the NPO number #29432. Save changes and you are good to go. If you have registered
correctly, you should see our organization information listed under "Community Rewards" on your account
summary page. Thanks for your support.
CHAPTER SIBLING COORDINATOR Amanda Harris is our Sibling Coordinator and provides support for siblings outside of meetings. You can
reach her by phone for more information at 623-866-3189 or email her at [email protected]. Amanda
lost her brother Joshua to murder and understands the sibling grief in a way only a sibling can.
AFFIRMATION OF POMC NON-DISCRIMINATION POLICY
“It shall be the policy of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc., to provide equal membership/employment service opportunities to all eligible persons
without regard to race, religion, color, national origin, citizenship, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, parental status, disabilities, membership
in any labor organization, political affiliation, and for employment only, height, weight, and record of arrest without conviction.”
*If you feel you have been discriminated against you may file a complaint with our National Office, 4960 Ridge Avenue, Suite 2, Cincinnati,
Ohio 45209. www.pomc.org (513) 721-5683
To refer a complaint to an appropriate investigating entity:
Office for Civil Rights
Office of Justice Programs
U.S. Department of Justice
810 7th Street, NW
Washington, D.C. 20531 www.ojp.gov
In order to file with the federal Office for Civil Rights (OCR) two forms must be downloaded from the internet and submitted in writing to the ORC.
The forms can be found at www.ojp.gov/about/ocr/complaint.htm.
Arizona Department of Public Safety
VOCA Administration
Civil Rights Coordinator
PO Box 6638 - MD 1320
Phoenix AZ 85005-6638 (602) 223-2491 www.azdps.gov/services/crime_victims
6
NEW FROM NATIONAL POMC
☺ CINCINNATI OHIO OFFICE☺ 4960 Ridge Avenue, Ste 2, Cincinnati OH 45209
888-818-7662 Website: www.pomc.org
•The POMC CATALOG has been added to the home page on the website. Please check out the website www.pomc.org
for our inventory of sale items. Some of the items are new and are available for purchase. Some of the older items are on
sale.
•SAVE THE DATE: The 30th National Conference will be July 21-24, 2016, at the Sheraton Lake Buena Vista Resort,
Orlando, Florida. Call 800-423-3297 to make reservations. The hotel price is $99.00 (includes resort fee of $19.95), so
make sure they do not charge you extra. For brochure and more information, see website www.pomc.org. It’s not too
early to think of silent auction items/table gifts donations. For table gifts donations, you can email Marie Belmontez,
[email protected] to let her know. For silent auction items, contact Carol Leonhardt, [email protected]. If
you would like to donate either, send them to National at:
2016 National POMC Conference
4960 Ridge Ave. Ste. 2
Cincinnati, OH 45209-1075
●SURVIVORS NEWSLETTER: The National Newsletter is going green and we are currently in the process of getting
email addresses and switching over. If you do not have a computer or access to one you will still receive a hard copy if
you notify the National Office. There is a lot of time put in to creating, editing and assembling the Newsletter for
distribution thus we will still charge $10 for the subscription. POMC's effort to be more cost effective, generate some
income, and going green make it a logical step to take.
●DONATIONS AND SUPPORT OF NATIONAL POMC: There are many ways to help with much needed funds for
POMC including any items you buy on Amazon.com, as well as if you shop the Kroger Stores. It is very simple and does
not cost you anything and yet your purchase allows a percentage from these companies to go directly to National. Please
go on-line to www.pomc.org and see how you can sign up for this or contact Bev Warnock - [email protected]
POMC Goodsearch donates money to POMC when you search the Internet, shop online or dine out at local restaurants!
Use Goodsearch.com to search the Internet and they donate a penny per search to POMC. Use Goodshop.com when you
shop online and they donate a percentage of every purchase and offer over 100,000 coupons to help you save money too!
Sign up for their Good dining program and they'll donate a percentage of your restaurant bill when you eat at any one of
thousands of participating restaurants. It's really easy, it's free and turns simple everyday actions into a way to help
POMC. Please sign up today to help support Parents Of Murdered Children - POMC. Go to www.goodsearch.com to get
started.
NEW FUNDRAISER: No need to worry about parking or getting a designated driver-we've partnered with Uber to get
everyone to and from events safely! Uber is evolving the way the world moves. By seamlessly connecting riders to drivers
through our app, Uber makes cities more accessible, opening up more possibilities for riders and more business for
drivers. New to Uber? Sign up with promo code POMCORG to get your first ride FREE, up to $20! Plus, Uber will
donate $5 back to POMC. Check out Uber pro tips here: uber.com/features. Promo Code: POMCORG Sign up Link:
Uber.com/go/pomcorg ●AUTO DONATIONS: We are encouraging all chapters and contact persons to get involved with POMC Debit Authorization. You
can now donate to NATIONAL POMC by setting up an automatic withdrawal from your bank account to National. Contact National
for a debit authorization form. This is a fast and easy way to make a donation to National to help us help others. Your donation is
withdrawn at the same time of the month, each month, and no amount is too small. We appreciate your help during these difficult
economic times.
●PAROLE BLOCK PROGRAM: To date, this program has kept more than 1509 prisoners who committed murders
from being released early. Parole Block was begun in 1990 and all members across the United States whose loved one’s
killer is up for early release/parole consideration can file a petition with National that is sent nationwide for signatures
protesting their release.
SECOND OPINION SERVICES: A program that provides second opinions on unsolved or complicated cases by a
national board comprised solely of experts in the medical, law enforcement and investigative fields.
MURDER IS NOT ENTERTAINMENT (MINE) PROGRAM: Through this program, POMC raises public awareness to the
insensitivity of murder as entertainment through toys, games, murder mystery weekends, drive-by shooting fashions, serial killer
trading cards, and anything that glamorizes violence.
BIG TURN OFF: This is an annual event, each January, in which citizens are asked to turn off their televisions for one evening
during prime time hours to protest the violence on television.
MURDER WALL: A traveling tribute honoring the memories of murder victims. A photo album is also available with each plaque.
Currently, the cost is $75 to add your loved ones’ names to the Walnut Plaques that comprise the Murder Wall. You have two pages
for the photo album to add information, poetry or pictures.
SILENCED VOICES: A program begun in January 2002, which advocates for the vigorous investigation and
prosecution of those responsible for the murder of abused children. The first case was that of Brandi Conley. POMC was
instrumental in bringing charges against her parents.
7
GIVE WHAT’s LEFT OF ME AWAY
(A Jewish Meditation)
When I die give what’s left of me away
to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the street beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.
You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
give me away.
8
COPING WITH DEATH AND GRIEF
(By Patricia Johnson) reprinted from Voices of Hope – Minnesota POMC
Death is inevitable, yet the loss of a close friend or family members showers us with a range of emotions.
One day we might desperately try to avoid the pain, anxiety and feelings of helplessness we feel when a loved
one dies. Other days, we feel like life has returned to normal – at least until we realize that our life has changed
irrevocably.
Despite the gamut of emotions, we feel, grieving for a loved one helps us cope and heal. The intense, heart-
breaking anguish indicates a deep connection has been severed. Without a doubt, grieving is painful. But it is
also necessary.
Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one who died. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that
the person is no longer missed. Piecing together your shattered emotions doesn’t mean you, somehow, betray a
friend or family member. It simply means that your grief has run its course.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief,”
which represent feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy. Based on her years working with terminal
cancer patients, Kubler-Ross proposed the following pattern of phases many people experience:
1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ___________.”
4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
Although, these are common responses to loss, there is no structure or timetable for the grieving process.
That
said, understanding grief and its common symptoms are helpful when grieving. Recognizing the difference
between trauma and depression can also be beneficial.
Besides understanding how stress can take a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually, we need to
understand the practical guidelines to ease the process. These include taking care of our bodies, spending
time with others and reaching out to the church community.
Finally, there will come a time when someone close to us experiences a significant loss. Knowing how to
respond to a grieving friend is a good step in acting as a reliable companion.
The death of a loved one is a shattering experience with far-reaching implications. As difficult as the loss
may be, it is possible to move forward with hope for the future.
Copyright @ Patricia Johnson, www.focusonthefamily.com
By Darcie Sims
9
“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” As a therapist, I have listened to thousands of bereaved people lament about the last words they spoke to their loved ones. So many of them have wept in grief over not saying goodbye. So much grief has been spent on not saying a farewell; so much additional hurt has been felt because someone did not get to say goodbye.
Sermons have been preached, books and poetry written about saying goodbye. Pictures have been painted, tears
caught in bronze and sculpted arms left empty in the lament of goodbye. Almost no one believes there might be
a reason to say goodbye, now—today! Most days are simple, ordinary ones and there seems no special reason to
say goodbye. Hardly anyone knows it will be the last day or the last time.
Why do we spend so much time and grief over not saying goodbye? Why do we wash away the words we did
get to say over a lifetime of loving someone with the single lament, “I didn’t get to say goodbye”? Why are
those words so important that the lack of them creates a lifetime of additional hurt and pain?
Ceremonies are created and designed for the bereaved to say goodbye. We stand in line for hours to express our
sympathies to the bereaved and to say “goodbye” to the deceased. Even if we have not seen the deceased in
years, it seems especially important to come at the time of death to say goodbye. Funeral directors, mental
health professionals and most of the world seems to believe that it is necessary to say goodbye in order to begin
the healing process.
Goodbye? Why would I want to say goodbye? I wasn’t through saying hello! Thirty-four years ago, I did get to
say goodbye. I knew the end of our son’s life was approaching and I got the chance to give one last hug and say
one last sentence. I got the chance to say goodbye and I didn’t take it. In the last moments of my son’s life, and
years later, of my parents’ lives, I did not say goodbye.
With the very last breath of my son’s life, I simply said, “I love you.” I was able to be with my mom in her final
hours, and I did not say goodbye. I said, “I love you.” And although I was not with my dad when he died, the
last words I shared with him as I left his home on what was to be his last night, I kissed him and said, “I love
10
Goodbye to Goodbye (continued from page 8)
you.” If you did not get to say goodbye, let go of the hurt you are experiencing. You would not have said it,
even if you had had the chance! You would have said, “I love you.”
Goodbye is simply too final; too harsh, too forever. Surely your loved one knew you loved him. Surely your
loved one knew you cared. And even if you don’t believe they knew, you can do something about that right
now. Go outside, find your special star, and with all your might, whisper, speak or yell out loud, “I LOVE
YOU!” Trust me, the universe is listening, and your words of love will travel far to reach the heart of those no
longer within hugs’ reach. I guess you could yell goodbye, too, if you really want to…by why? Why let the
grief of not saying goodbye rob you of the memories of what you did get to say and how you lived your lives
together? Why let the grief of not saying goodbye steal away the joy of knowing your loved one was in your life
and still is a thread in your fabric to be woven forever around your heart?
Goodbye? I’d rather live my life so that my last words are, “I love you.” We never know when an ordinary day
will turn into a day that gets marked down in the family history as a not-so-ordinary day. But all of us can live
our lives so we can leave with few regrets. Do not let the events of the past few years rob you of your hope,
your passion, your joy in living. Moments, just moments, one after another, each special and sacred in its own
way, each waiting to be etched forever on our memories or lost in the sea of millions of other ordinary
moments.
Long ago, I learned that any moment can be the last one, so I no longer waste too many of my moments. Oh
yes, there are days when I simply plod through the moments, not even aware of their passing. It often takes a
cataclysmic event to shake me out of my reverie and reawaken me to the specialness of each moment.
We each need to take advantage of the moments we have and spend them wisely. Spend them saying, “I love
you,” instead of wishing you had said goodbye. Make a commitment to never let another moment pass without
being aware of its passing.
Goodbye has always been a part of my life because I grew up military, married military, and gave birth to
military. My address changes more often than the weather. But I gave up saying goodbye long ago when I
realized that “I love you” lasts far longer and feels so much better. Goodbye? I’m not through saying, “Hello,”
and, “I love you!”
Reprinted from Grief Digest Magazine, Volume 8, Issue 1 July 2010
11
VALLEY OF THE SUN
BOARD OF DIRECTORS (2016)
Beckie Miller, Chapter-Leader .......... .(623) 582-2406 Don Miller, Treasurer ....................... .(623) 582-2406
Claudia Marco, Co-Leader/Secretary..(480) 290-3908
Amanda Harris, Co-Leader..................(623) 866-3189 Kathy Hernandez,................................(623) 707-6825 Tim Osolin ....................................... ...(602) 615-7096 Mary Wallace……………………….…..(602) 448-9425 Denise Brewer..……………………......(917) 696-2928 Sandy Navarro.....................................(480) 695-4789 Paulino Navarro...................................(602) 828-1106 Arrow McCullough...............................(602) 677-5258 (Volunteers) Carolee Holbrook - Office Assistance Denise Brewer - Anniversary Note Writer Kathy Hernandez - Facebook Page Coordinator
CONTACT NUMBERS
SIBLING SUPPORT: Amanda Harris is our chapter's
Sibling Coordinator providing support for siblings. Her
contact info is 623-866-3189 or email is:
POMC VOICE MESSAGING)....................(602) 254-8818
Chapter E-mail.……………………. [email protected]
Chapter Fax: .................................................(623) 582-0917
CRISIS LINE/MOBILE CRISIS TEAM
Empact Crisis Line ............................ ..(480) 784-4949
OTHER HELP LINES
Teen Lifeline.......................................…...(602) 248-8336
GrandCare (Grandparents help line) .....(602) 274-5022
Crime Victims Legal Assistance Project (480) 965-5640
MCAO Victim Services.............................(602) 506-8522
Crime Victim Compensation....................(602) 506-4955
♥♥♥ THANKS FOR CARING ♥♥♥ To the Mountain View Police Precinct for donating our meeting room, as well as Mountain View Lutheran Church. To the Department of Public Safety (VOCA), for the grant for our newsletter, and everyone who has donated gifts of their time, talents and energy to our chapter activities. With your help, we are able to continue the outreach that is needed by our community.
Memorial Wall Order Form
Please add my loved one’s name to the “Valley of the
Sun Memorial Wall in their Memories.” Each
Nameplate is $10. Our wall is displayed at many
special events across the valley during the year.
NAME__________________________________
Age:___________ Murder date: _____________
Picture Board
___ Check here if sending picture for the picture
board & Holiday Memorial Video (no cost).
You may email picture to [email protected]
Act of Kindness Cards
10 for $2 # ordered: _______
(attach these when giving acts of kindness to others in
memory of your loved one)
Chapter Bracelets
Red and black with words “Always in our Hearts.” $3
each # ordered _____
Chapter Window Decals
$10 each for auto or home with our logo and chapter
information: # ordered _____
*Make all checks or money orders out to POMC
*Mail to 19620 North 38th Avenue
Glendale AZ 85308-2215
“The Journey” Memorial Page Order Form (newsletter)
Please reserve: □ ½ page (suggested donation of $10)
□ Full pg (suggested donation of $20)
Month you wish memorial to appear in: ________________
Loved One’s Name________________________________
Age _____
Date of Death_______________
YOUR Name_____________________________________
YOUR Phone Number______________________________
YOUR E-MAIL __________________________________
A half page will hold a picture and short poem OR message,
depending on space. If a photo is included, please provide
identification of the person on the back. If you wish the photo to
be returned include a self-addressed stamped envelope, big
enough for the picture to fit in. Unless otherwise specified,
location, size and structure of the text and picture will be at
editor’s discretion and space permitting.
**We also, if space is available, print "Survivor to Survivor"
stories if you would like to send in a one page, single spaced and
typed document. Also, if you have written poetry about your loss
or have a favorite poem to share with others. We do edit for
misspellings and or profanity. There is no charge for these
items, either poetry or shared stories.
*Return this form with your material for The Journey by the 10th
of the month preceding the issue you wish it to appear in; for
example: September 10 for October's newsletter, etc.
*A donation for the memorial page can be made by sending a
check made out to POMC and mailed in care of:
Newsletter Editor
Valley of the Sun POMC
19620 North 38th Avenue
Glendale AZ 85308-2215
8
COPING WITH DEATH AND GRIEF
(By Patricia Johnson) reprinted from Voices of Hope – Minnesota POMC
Death is inevitable, yet the loss of a close friend or family members showers us with a range of emotions.
One day we might desperately try to avoid the pain, anxiety and feelings of helplessness we feel when a loved
one dies. Other days, we feel like life has returned to normal – at least until we realize that our life has changed
irrevocably.
Despite the gamut of emotions, we feel, grieving for a loved one helps us cope and heal. The intense, heart-
breaking anguish indicates a deep connection has been severed. Without a doubt, grieving is painful. But it is
also necessary.
Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one who died. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that
the person is no longer missed. Piecing together your shattered emotions doesn’t mean you, somehow, betray a
friend or family member. It simply means that your grief has run its course.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief,”
which represent feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy. Based on her years working with terminal
cancer patients, Kubler-Ross proposed the following pattern of phases many people experience:
1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ___________.”
4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
Although, these are common responses to loss, there is no structure or timetable for the grieving process.
That
said, understanding grief and its common symptoms are helpful when grieving. Recognizing the difference
between trauma and depression can also be beneficial.
Besides understanding how stress can take a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually, we need to
understand the practical guidelines to ease the process. These include taking care of our bodies, spending
time with others and reaching out to the church community.
Finally, there will come a time when someone close to us experiences a significant loss. Knowing how to
respond to a grieving friend is a good step in acting as a reliable companion.
The death of a loved one is a shattering experience with far-reaching implications. As difficult as the loss
may be, it is possible to move forward with hope for the future.
Copyright @ Patricia Johnson, www.focusonthefamily.com
