People fail to get along becausethey fear each other

They fear each other becausethey don't know each other

They don't know each other becausethey have not communicated with each other

Dr. Martin Luther King

Conflict Management

Handling Difficult Situations!

Avoiding

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Un

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Uncooperative-----------------------CooperativeCooperativeness

Accommodating

Compromising

Competing Collaborating

4 Challenges to aSuccessful Conflict Mgt

1) Don’t React

2) Disarm your opponent

3) Change the Game

4) Make it easy to say “YES”

Don’t React“Go to the Balcony”

• Keep your mental balance• “Speak when you are angry and you

will make the best speech you’ll regret”

• 4 popular strategies• striking back• giving in• breaking off• rumor mill

Disarm Your Opponent

• Diffuse hostile / defensive emotions

• Surprise - “ do the opposite of what is expected”

• Dialogue of the deaf Mutual non-listening

How to disarm your opponent?

• If you want them to listen to you, listen to them

• If you want them to acknowledge you, acknowledge them

• If you want then to agree with you, agree with them

How to disarm your opponent?

• Paraphrase - Ask for Corrections

• “ I can see what you are saying” “ I understand your perspective…”“ I would feel the same way…”

• Acknowledge feelings - Sincerity is key!

• Hard to Attack someone who agrees with you

Change the Game - Reframe

• Don’t Reject - Reframe! (Biden & Gromyko)

• Positions Interests

• Ask Why - help me to see why you don’t want this

• Ask Why Not - what would be wrong with this approach

Change the Game - Reframe

• Options - What if I show you how we can meet deadlines?

• Ask for Advice - help them help you

• People are more convinced by reasons they find themselves

• * Resist temptation to end the silence* • 50% how asked - 50% in pregnant silence after

Make it easy to say YES!

1) Actively involve person-ask questions

2) Satisfy unmet interests-intangibles

3) Save Face (core of negotiation)

4) Make the Process Easy (stages)