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Plain English: What’s it all about? Richard McGeough
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What is CPBE?
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1. What is plain language?2. Why is it important?3. Who wants plain language?4. What principles and techniques can be
taught?5. What are the challenges?6. How might it be relevant to the ELC?
Questions
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1. What is plain language?
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Please be informed that the captioned draft plan, together with a schedule of the representations in respect of the plan including your representation submitted to the Town Planning Board and the comments on these representations, had been submitted to the Chief Executive in Council (CE in C) for approval in accordance with section 8 of the Town Planning Ordinance (the Ordinance). On 8.9.2015, the CE in C approved the draft plan under section 9(1)(a) of the Ordinance. On 18.9.2015, notification of the approval of the draft plan was gazetted and the approved plan (No. S/K7/24) was exhibited for public inspection in accordance with section 9(5) of the Ordinance.
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Plain language
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A communication is in plain language if its wording, structure and design are so clear that the intended readers can easily find what they need, understand what they find, and use that information. Source: International Plain English Federation
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“As much as necessary, as little as possible.”
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Plain language is NOT ‘dumbing down’:
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What is
plain language?
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Your number: 2801 5238• “Will my number change?”• “Any action required?”
Reading task
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Example 1a:82 seconds
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Example 1b:16 seconds
Time saved: 66 seconds
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Key features of Example 1b
STRUCTURE DESIGN WORDING
Key message is frontloaded
White spaceNo superfluous
words
Only essential information is
includedHeadings
Shorter sentences
Use of a table
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sophisticated
simplicity
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As much as necessary; as little as possible.
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2. Why is plain language important?
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66 seconds x number of pages you read x number of staff =
It saves time and money
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It saves time and reduces conflict
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It shows that you’re committed to good service
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Improved returns on marketing expenditure
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Improved returns on marketing expenditure
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“The ability to write in a simple, direct style that says exactly what you want it to say, using the fewest possible words, has become rare.”
Business Week
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3. Who wants plain language?
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1.1 What is legislative drafting?• “…it is important that legislation is written in clear,
easily understood and unambiguous language…”
6.2 Plain language• “It is LDD’s policy to draft laws in plain language. The
goal of plain language drafting is to make the law asnnsimple and clear as possible without taking away from
precision or substance.”
Retrieved from: http://www.legislation.gov.hk/blis/eng/pdf/2012/drafting2e.PDF 21 July 2014
The LDD says…
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PolyU says…
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4. What principles and techniques can
be taught?
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To further simplify the operating procedures for efficiency and to clarify the regulations to facilitate easy compliance by departmental users, please be informed that the Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated, following approval by Senior Management with endorsement by the Information Technology Management Unit. The major enhancements or elaborations in the updated version of the Manual are summarised below for your easy reference:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………
‘What, then ‘why’
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To further simplify the operating procedures for efficiency and to clarify the regulations to facilitate easy compliance by departmental users, please be informed that the Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated, following approval by Senior Management with endorsement by the Information Technology Management Unit. The major enhancements or elaborations in the updated version of the Manual are summarised below for your easy reference:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………
‘What, then ‘why’
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The Manual of Operating Procedures has been updated. The major updates are summarised below:a) ………………………b) ………………………c) ………………………We hope that you will find the updated operating procedures more efficient and easier to follow.
‘What, then ‘why’
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TL;DRInclude only what is absolutely necessary
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Piece by piece…
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….not like this
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Designing your document
• White space matters.
• Tables convey information very efficiently.
• Regular headings help readers navigate.
• Bullets and lists are excellent ‘chunking’ tools.
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Long sentences Unnecessary words Noun-led style Unfamiliar words & jargon
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Control sentence length Essential words only Verb-led style Familiar, but precise, words
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“ Any fool can make things complicated but it requires agenius to make things simpler.
E.F. SchumakerStatistician and economist
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Use no more words than you need
1? 2? 3? 4? …
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Use no more words than you need
• Delete unnecessary words.
• Simplify wordy phrases.
• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.
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Use no more words than you need
• Delete unnecessary words.• Simplify wordy phrases.
• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.
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a) Delete unnecessary words
Most staff members are working for a longer time than ever before. (12 words)
Most staff are working longer than ever before. (8 words)
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a) Delete unnecessary words
Advice in this regard is available upon request.(8 words)
Advice is available upon request.(5 words)
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a) Delete unnecessary words
I write to seek your consent and approval for the above captioned.
I write to seek your approval for the above.
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Use no more words than you need
• Delete unnecessary words.
• Simplify wordy phrases.• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning of sentences.
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b) Simplify wordy phrases
The Labour Department provides in-service training courses of two weeks duration on a regular basis. (16 words)
The Labour Department regularly provides two-week in-service training courses. (10 words)
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Use no more words than you need
• Delete unnecessary words.
• Simplify wordy phrases.
• Avoid ‘empty phrases’ at the beginning
fof sentences.
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c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases
It has been determined that there is insufficient information to allow us to process your application. (16 words)
There is insufficient information to allow us to process your application. (11 words)
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c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases
You may also wish to note that the administration fee for every person recruited is HKD5000. (16 words)
The administration fee for every person recruited is HKD5000. (9 words)
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c) Avoid ‘empty phrases’ wordy phrases
It is necessary that policies are prepared to ensure the smooth transition to community care. (15 words)
Policies are needed to ensure the smooth transition to community care. (11 words)
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Focus on verbs
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3. Focus on verbs
• Turn nouns back into verbs.
• Re-phrase noun phrases using verbs.
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3. Focus on verbs
• Turn nouns back into verbs.• Re-phrase noun phrases using verbs.
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a) Turn nouns back into verbs
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b) Re-phrase noun phrases…
To facilitate the completion of the application form, please download the Guidance Notes.(6-word noun phrase)
To help you complete the application form, please download the Guidance Notes.(3-word noun phrase)
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b) Re-phrase noun phrases…
Following a recent revision to the rates of Local Subsistence Allowance in the Civil Service, the rates of such allowance are revised with retroactive effect from 1 January 201X as follows: (14-word noun phrase)
The Civil Service Local Subsistence Allowance rates were recently revised. The new rates, with retroactive effect from 1 January 201X, are as follows: (7-word noun phrase)
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Shorter sentences Essential words only Verb-focused style Familiar, but precise, words
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Being wordy only impresses snobs…
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…it has this effect on ordinary people:
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5. What are the challenges?
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My manager doesn’t want me to write like this.
My manager should attend this training!
workshop.
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We have to keep this part because our lawyers wrote it.
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Thank you. That was really useful. Goodbye!
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6. How might plain English be relevant
to the ELC?
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Professional English
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English for Academic Purposes
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It is believed that consideration should be given by the government to this option.
I believe the government should consider this option.
The government should consider this option.
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“ Any fool can make things complicated but it requires agenius to make things simpler.
E.F. SchumakerStatistician and economist
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Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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What next?
