Playscripts, Inc. Catalog of New Plays & Musicals 2012 - 2013

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Catalog of New Plays & Musicals2012-2013

INSIDE:Includes the full text of Alien Monster Bowling League by award-winning playwright Matthew Lopez

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Playscripts, Inc. brings new plays and musicals to professional, school, community, and college theaters to perform, read and enjoy. These plays represent a great diversity of voices, styles, and stories and offer a fresh perspective on the human experience.

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COVER PHOTOS (clockwise from top left): The Woman Who Amuses Herself, Theater Alliance, Washington, DC (2009); Bethlehem or Bust, The Brick Theater, Inc., Brooklyn, New York (2011). Photo: Ken Stein/Runs with Scissors; Just Add Zombies, Westmont High School, Campbell, California (2011). Photo: Brandon Thomas.

Austentatious, NYMF, New York, NY (2007). Photo: Bobby Octaviano

TABLE OF CONTENTS visit playscripts.com/discount to redeem your discount 1

HeaderSection, play length and ideal cast size

Specialty Icons (before play title)Christmas, flexible casting, monologue and musical

Play ListingsTitle, author, genre, length, performance cost, book cost and cast range

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table of contents

2012-2013 CATALOG OF NEW PLAYS & MUSICALS

using this catalog

PROFESSIONAL

2 | Full-Lengths

COMMUNITY

8 | Full-Lengths

HIGH SCHOOL

12 | One-Acts

15 | Full-Lengths

MIDDLE SCHOOL

20 | One-Acts

22 | Full-Lengths

THEATER FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES

24 | Full-Lengths

COLLEGE

25 | Full-Lengths

30 | ALIEN MONSTER BOWLING LEAGUE

32 | RIGHTS INFORMATION

Alice vs. Wonderland, Moscow Art Theater, Moscow, Russia (2010).Photo: Anastasia Korotich

2 visit playscripts.com/discount to redeem your discount Christmas Flexible Casting Monologue Musical

Professional

Another Night Before ChristmasBook & Lyrics by Sean Grennan, Music by Leah OkimotoComedy | 120 mins 1 female, 1 male (2-3 actors possible)

Karol, a disillusioned social worker, is trudging home one cold Decem-ber night when she encounters an old man sitting on a park bench. Mistaking him for homeless, Karol offers the stranger some food — a seemingly innocent gesture, until he turns up in her apartment claim-ing to be Santa Claus. Thanks to a malfunctioning security system, Karol finds herself trapped with “Mr. Claus” and forced to confront her feelings about Christmas once and for all in this touching musical battle between cynicism and belief.

Love ChildDaniel Jenkins & Robert StantonComedy | 75-85 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 males (2-13 actors possible)

Joel, a neurotic, down-on-his-heels actor/playwright, is opening his new adaptation of an obscure Euripides comedy in a smelly former sausage factory in Brooklyn. Unknown to him, there’s a big-time Hollywood cast-ing director in the house, as well as his crazy mother (who’s also his agent) and his crazy aunt (who’s really his mother). When one of the actors takes sleeping pills and passes out mid-performance, and the leading lady quits, Joel’s relatives leap over the footlights to rescue the show. Realities collide, and his family’s wild stories out-Greek the script, in a horrifically hilarious night of truth-telling. Just two actors can play all of the outlandish characters in this stripped-down, high-octane farce.

Po Boy TangoKenneth LinDrama | 80-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 1 male (3 actors possible)

A Taiwanese immigrant enlists an African-American soul food chef to help him recreate his mother’s Great Banquet, as a wedding gift to his daughter. Though the two share a bond in their passion for food and love of their children, their connection also brings to light resentments from ten years past — when a child was saved, but a friendship was lost. Winner, TCG Edgerton Foundation New American Play Award (2008)

A Dog’s LifeBook & Lyrics by Sean Grennan, Music by Leah OkimotoMusical Comedy | 115-125 mins 1 female, 3 males (4-7 actors possible)

Joel doesn’t want a dog — he wants his girlfriend back, and she wants a dog. But when she refuses to get back together, Joel becomes the re-luctant owner of Jack. Meanwhile, Big Dog wants to be adopted alone, but his only way out includes yippy Little Dog. For both of these pairs, initially hesitant relationships blossom into profound friendships. Blend-ing comic and touching moments, this musical is an uplifting tale of companionship, our time on this earth, and simple, unconditional love.

Get What You Need Jessica GoldbergDrama | 90-115 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 2 males (4-7 actors possible)

In 1979, Joni and Eddie are struggling to get by: their daughter has severe allergies, the world is in political upheaval, and cash is very tight. But things look like they might turn around when their old college friend, Arthur, shows up with a life-changing opportunity that requires the couple to reexamine their values. When Arthur returns twenty-five years later, Joni and Eddie may have achieved their own American Dream but at the cost of a long-held secret.

Married Alive!Book & Lyrics by Sean Grennan, Music by Leah OkimotoMusical Comedy | 120 mins 2 females, 2 males (4-12 actors possible)

Erin and Paul have just gotten married and couldn’t be more excited. Ron and Diane have been married for years and aren’t so excited anymore. Poignant and hilarious by turns, Married Alive! uses a series of vignettes to affectionately explore the adventure of marriage. From honeymooning to “honey-not-tonight,” from couples’ therapy to Christ-mas with the in-laws, from first pregnancy to dealing with teenagers, this musical comedy has it all.

Oliver Parker!Elizabeth MeriwetherBlack Comedy | 75-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 2 males (4 actors possible)

An unlikely and uncomfortable friendship exists between old-man alco-holic Jasper and socially awkward 17-year-old Oliver Parker. Living in squalor in a decrepit New York apartment owned by Oliver, Jasper just wants to be left alone — but Oliver, determined to use the apartment in his quest to get laid, loses patience with his pathetic existence very quickly. Shady dealings involving a grieving politician and her ambitious assistant Agnes only increase the tension between them, and soon bur-ied shame and secrets bubble to the surface. Sharply funny and keenly tragic, Oliver Parker! is anything but a typical coming-of-age story.

Bass for PicassoKate Moira RyanComedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5 actors possible)

Food writer Francesca’s dinner party features famous recipes from the Alice B. Toklas Cookbook, along with a guest list that’s an almost certain recipe for disaster. It includes Pilar, a multilingual art detective with visa problems; Bricka, a lesbian widow with a child and custo-dy-seeking Republican in-laws; Joe, an OB/GYN whose lover is a disoriented drug addict; and Kev, a playwright who has written a soon-to-open play about...all of them. A hilarious, irreverent look at gay and lesbian life in the new millennium.

Award-winning musicals: playscripts.com/musicals

visit playscripts.com/discount to redeem your discount 3Christmas Flexible Casting Monologue Musical

PROFESSIONALFULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (2-6)

A Beginner’s Guide to DecideQui Nguyen & Robert Ross ParkerComedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5-15 actors possible)

A young Catholic schoolgirl named Lucy launches an unholy crusade to undo the biggest mistake ever made: human existence. Bolstered by a mighty battle axe and her brilliant but nerdy sister Mary, Lucy conducts a merciless murder spree backwards through time, lopping off the heads of great religious thinkers from Darwin to Dante in her mission to find God and destroy him — before he can create the tor-ment of life as we know it. Nominated for Best Choreography/Movement, New York Innovative Theatre Awards

The Diary of a Teenage GirlMarielle HellerDrama | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-9 actors possible)

Expulsion, a drunken mother, drug abuse, and an affair with her mom’s boyfriend: these are the elements that make up fifteen-year-old Minnie’s life as she grows up in the chaos of the 70s. But Minnie is incredibly bright and self-reflective, and narrates her story in her diary with brutally honest words and drawings. This acclaimed adaptation of Phoebe Gloeckner’s graphic novel sparkles with wit, curiosity, and optimism despite the loneliness and abuse that Minnie encounters. A poignant look into an ugly adolescence.

Family Life: Three Brutal ComediesWendy HammondBlack Comedies | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-8 actors possible)

By turns revolting and hilarious, Family Life: Three Brutal Comedies is not your typical family fare. Tackling all issues of dysfunction, from emotional abuse to suicide, this set of three one-act plays looks at familial relationships with an eye for the absurd, fantastical, and hu-morously bleak. Includes Minna and the Space People, Mom and the Razor Blades and The Transmogrification.

Jack’s Precious MomentSamuel D. HunterBlack Comedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 3 males, 1 either (5 actors possible)

A video of Iraqi insurgents beheading Jack Lewis has just been released over the Internet. Back home in Idaho, his fundamentalist Christian fam-ily is trying to grieve while fending off the media. Jack’s widow Karen de-cides to seek answers at the holiest place she knows: the Precious Mo-ments Chapel in Carthage, Missouri. Along for the ride are Jack’s father and his brother Bib, who is dealing with his own mounting spiritual crisis. With the help of a teardrop-eyed angel and a carnie named Chuck, the Lewis family struggles to understand what exactly they’ve lost.

’Twas The NightRobert FordHoliday Play | 90-105 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5 actors possible)

It’s Christmas Eve, 1954, and the cast of Wally K’s Variety Hour is about to perform their final radio show. Star Joey Preston is leaving Chicago to reprise his role in the radio show’s most popular segment on TV in New York. But Joanna, Joey’s love interest both on and off the set, won’t be joining him due to the racial prejudices of the TV show’s producers. Meanwhile cast members Wally and Izzy are still grieving

the tragic death of Larry, his best friend and her fiance, three years before. Classic songs, heartfelt love stories, and the charm of old-fash-ioned radio combine in this wintertime comedy full of warmth and cheer.

What To Do When You Hate All Your FriendsLarry KunofskyComedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-11 actors possible)

When Matt realizes that he hates all of his current friends, he finds himself pulled into a literal cult of new Friendship: that’s capital-F Friendship for capital-F Friends. Celia, a ringleader of the Friends, in-troduces him to a world of backstabbing Frenemies, point-based rank-ings, group shower parties, and passive-aggressive outsiders — and he’s a perfect fit. As Matt grows closer to Celia, they must overcome their mountainous hang-ups to become more-than-Friends. This hi-larious black comedy, narrated by a passive-aggressive outsider, is chock-full of cattiness, ludicrous quirks, and awkward obscenities — all of the frustrations and joys of human relationships.

The WoodpeckerSamuel Brett WilliamsComedy/Drama | 80-85 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 4 males (5 actors possible)

It’s Jimmy’s last day before going to war: he’s addicted to glue, his mom is seeing visions in the sweet potato casserole, and his wheelchair-bound dad can and will kick his butt. He turns to a higher power for answers, and finds an Ivory-billed Woodpecker instead. A dark comedy that explores family, faith, and freedom, while blurring the lines between black and white and right and wrong. The Helen Merrill Emerging Playwright Award

Alice in SlasherlandQui NguyenHorror Comedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 3 males (6-10 actors possible)

When young Lewis Diaz accidentally resurrects the soul of a brutally slain girl named Alice, he unwittingly unleashes a literal hell on Earth. Now, with every imaginable kind of demon, monster, and killer ravag-ing his small town, it’s up to Lewis and his newly undead companion to protect his classmates — including longtime crush Margaret — from becoming freshly slaughtered carcasses. With the help of Alice’s trash-talking demonic teddy bear, Lewis races to find a way to close the rift before the devil himself shows up and totally ruins their senior prom.

The Diary of a Teenage Girl, 3LD, New York, NY (2010). Photo: Jim Baldassare


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (6-7)PROFESSIONAL

The Cherry Sisters RevisitedWritten by Dan O’Brien, Music by Michael FriedmanPlay with Music | 115-125 mins 5 females, 1 male (6 actors possible)

How far can you go with ambition, gumption, a good heart — and no talent? The Cherry Sisters’ dreams of Vaudeville took them from their Iowa barn to Broadway, where their inept acrobatics and tone-deaf cat-erwauling continually sold out, bringing them fame — and a barrage of rotten cabbages. Based on a true story and with music by Michael Friedman, Dan O’Brien’s thought-provoking comedy takes a look at the insatiable urge to perform, and the audience’s inability to look away.

Jeeves in BloomMargaret RaetherComedy | 105-120 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 4 males (6-7 actors possible)

The peaceful English countryside may never be the same after Bertie Wooster and his unflappable valet, Jeeves, pay a visit. What starts as a plan to pair tongue-tied, amphibian-loving Augustus Fink-Nottle and fanciful, poetry-loving Madeline Basset quickly goes awry. Soon, Bertie is fending off Madeline’s amorous advances, reluctantly partic-ipating in an attempted burglary, and fleeing attacks from a homicidal French chef. With the stakes this high, the solution must lie with the one and only Jeeves!

Smart CookieJulia BrownellComedy | 100-115 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 2 males (6-10 actors possible)

Socialite Cookie Walsh has the perfect life on the Upper East Side, the ideal family, and the answers to every problem. That is, until her son Spencer and his Spanish exchange student girlfriend come home from prep school with a big announcement. Cookie’s used to running the show, but strong-willed Ana isn’t letting her have her way — and it looks like this might be a mess she can’t just pay her way out of. Kendeda Graduate Playwriting Award (2008)

Trial By WaterQui NguyenDrama | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 4 males (5-7 actors possible)

Hung and his brother are forced to flee a war-ridden Vietnam to Amer-ica. But what should be a lucky escape becomes more horrifying than they ever imagined when their boat breaks down in the middle of the ocean. Now Hung must fight to hold on to his humanity amid a desper-ate struggle to survive. Based on the real Vietnamese Bolinao crisis, this deeply affecting drama tells a harrowing tale with wit, humor, and utmost care.

You Haven’t Changed a Bit, and Other LiesBook by Jerry Mayer, Music by Steve Mayer, Lyrics byJerry & Steve MayerMusical comedy | 100-105 mins 3 females, 3 males (6 actors possible)

The adventures of aging are filtered through three married couples who have known each other for over 30 years in this riotous Baby Boomer musical. The husbands, fed up that their gender roles seem to have switched over the years, decide to band together in rebellion

and have a proper bachelor party in Las Vegas before the couples renew their vows in a combined ceremony. The wives, however, dis-approve of their spouses’ antics, standing firm against their husbands until they make some major changes. Will all three couples make it to the altar again? Only time will tell. “Heartfelt look at three mar-ried couples in their 60s and their personal and senior mo-ment-induced tribulations.” —Los Angeles Times

Abraham Lincoln’s Big, Gay Dance PartyAaron LoebComedy | 110-120 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 4 males (7 actors possible)

Illinois schoolteacher Harmony Green has told her fourth grade class that Menard County’s most beloved homegrown hero, Abraham Lin-coln, was gay. When Honest Abe is “outed” in a reimagined Christmas pageant, controversy and chaos engulf the town. As the trial of the century begins, big-city reporters and Congressional candidates de-scend, and family skeletons are forced out of the closet. Top hats and beards abound in this hilarious, poignant, and timely look at prejudice past and present. Backstage Best of Theatre 2009, “Outstand-ing Play,” NY International Fringe Festival

AustentatiousMatt Board, Jane Caplow, Kate Galvin, Luisa Hinchliff & Joe SlabeMusical Comedy | 100-120 mins 4 females, 3 males (7 actors possible)

When the Central Riverdale Amateur Players announce a new adap-tation of Pride and Prejudice, stage manager Sam has her hands full with a colorful array of community theatre misfits: a clueless director, an egotistical writer/choreographer/leading lady, a scorned diva, an overlooked veteran, and the town’s local druggie. But when Sam be-gins to fall for the leading man, things really start to get complicated. This hilarious musical follows the group’s journey as they unwittingly butcher Jane Austen’s beloved classic, from chaotic auditions to cli-mactic pirate battle and tap-off. With a jazzy score and anachronisms galore, Austentatious is terrible theater at its absolute comedic best.


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (7-11) PROFESSIONAL

Dear HarveyPatricia LoughreyDrama | 60-70 mins | $100.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 4 males (7-21 actors possible)

Extensively researched and beautifully constructed, this documenta-ry-style ensemble play recounts the life and lasting impact of ground-breaking LGBT activist and politician Harvey Milk, as told by the people who knew him best. Spoken word combines with multimedia and mu-sic as an ensemble cast moves in and out of the identities of real-world figures whose lives were forever altered by Milk’s too-short career. This spirited play reaffirms his impact and the continued relevance of his campaign towards equality, three decades after his assassination.

Vampire Cowboy TrilogyQui Nguyen & Robert Ross ParkerComedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males, 2 either (7-25 actors possible)

This live comic book anthology contains three irreverent comedies that hilariously skewer well-beloved genres. Hard-boiled paranormal detective Jake Misco takes on the case of a mysterious stranger who is haunted by her dead husband; a Cold War-era crime-fighting duo struggles to save America from the throes of Communism while ques-tioning their own principles; and a teenage warrior princess named Tina must fight evil Zombie cheerleaders and the tedium of French class.

Children at PlayJordan SeaveyComedy/Drama | 100-110 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 4 males (8 actors possible)

It’s Morgan’s first day at James Joyce Junior High School for Gifted and Talented Students, and she quickly befriends four fellow misfits: Chernobyl survivor Ana, struggling student Jeremy, and childhood friends Lacey and Lancelot. Sure, classes are hard, but they’re noth-ing compared to dysfunctional families, constantly fluctuating sexu-ality, eating disorders, school violence, nuclear fallout, and — most dangerous of all — love. It’s five outcasts versus adolescence as the

years go by and their lives become more and more complicated and intertwined. Eight actors play multiple parts in this dark and resonant comedy about the perils and frustrations of growing up. New York Innovative Theatre Award nominee

Suite SurrenderMichael McKeeverFarce | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 4 males (9 actors possible)

It’s 1942, and two of Hollywood’s biggest divas have descended upon the luxurious Palm Beach Royale Hotel — assistants, luggage, and a legendary feud with one another in tow. Everything seems to be in order for their wartime performance...that is, until they are somehow assigned to the same suite. Mistaken identities, overblown egos, double entendres, and a lap dog named Mr. Boodles round out this hilarious riot of a love note to the classic farces of the 30s and 40s. Finalist, Garson Theatre Company New Play Reading Festival (2006), Best of 2008 Theatre, Palm Beach ArtsPaper

Nicky Goes GothElizabeth MeriwetherDark comedy | 60-70 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 5 males (10 actors possible)

This darkly hysterical re-imagining of the Hilton heirs’ adolescence follows younger sister Nicky as she spirals into an existential crisis, much to the chagrin of her media-crazed sister Paris. When Nicky meets a goth kid from the suburbs, it’s love at first sight — but Par-is is determined to distract with wild parties, sexy clothes, and the help of her makeup artist and devoted follower Aaron. Aaron narrates an increasingly violent collision of lifestyles amid a backdrop of brain gibberish, cell phone cameras, and tenuous beauty in this bizarrely comic coming-of-age story.

Sympathy Jones: The New Secret Agent MusicalMusic & Lyrics by Masi Asare, Book by Brooke PierceMusical Comedy | 120-130 mins 5 females, 5 males (10-30 actors possible)

Sympathy Jones dreams of being a super secret agent, but she’s stuck as a secretary...until, one day, a confidential file is accidentally left on her desk. When she discovers that the file contains information about a plot to overthrow the government, Sympathy seizes her chance for ad-venture and fame. But she soon realizes that trying to save the world against impossible odds is not nearly as glamorous as she thought it would be, and she certainly can’t do it alone. This delightful, 1960s-era musical is full of humor, self-discovery, and heart-pounding action.

The PersiansEllen McLaughlinDrama | 80-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 10 males (9-15 actors possible)

In this moving and poetic adaptation of Aeschylus’ drama, Queen Atossa and her subjects anxiously await news of their King Xerxes’ expedition to Greece. What they hear is inconceivably horrifying: the vast Persian Empire has fallen, with an entire army lost. Now the scant survivors of a catastrophic campaign, including Xerxes himself, must find a way to continue to live in the shattered world they once called home. “McLaughlin serves and uses The Persians with true power and grace. The structure is simple and dazzling.” —Margo Jefferson, The New York Times


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (11-13)PROFESSIONAL

The Spoon River ProjectTom AndoloraPlay with Music | 85-95 mins 5 females, 6 males (10-18 actors possible)

In this beautifully haunting play based on Edgar Lee Masters’ touching poems, the former residents of Spoon River examine life and the long-ing for what might have been. As the citizens reflect on the dreams, secrets, and regrets of their lives, they paint a gritty and honest por-trait of the town as all of their pasts are illuminated.

Ajax in IraqEllen McLaughlinDrama | 70-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 5 males (11-30 actors possible)

Past and present collide in Ellen McLaughlin’s mash-up of Sophocles’ classic tragedy Ajax with the modern-day war in Iraq. The play follows the parallel narratives of Ajax, an ancient Greek military hero, and A.J., a modern female American soldier, both undone by the betrayal of a commanding officer. Athena, goddess of war, coolly presides over the whole. Inspired by material collected from interviews with Iraq war veterans and their families, Ajax in Iraq explores the timeless struggle soldiers face in trying to make sense of war.

EmmaStephen KaramMusical Comedy | 100-110 mins 4 females, 5 males, 3 either (12-30 actors possible)

This modern musical adaptation lifts Jane Austen’s comedy of manners out of Regency England and sets it down in contemporary Connecticut. Emma, a graduate student at Highbury College, embarks on a person-al mission to set up a lonely gay student named Harry with a suitable boyfriend. She sets her sights on school a cappella star Trevor, but her plan is soon complicated by the return of an old rival and a visit from a British film star. Emma’s mentor/advisor, Dr. Knight, and her old friend, Miss Bates, join the fracas — and the rural college soon teems with missed connections. A delightful and deeply felt spin on the original.

The Woman Who Amuses HerselfVictor LodatoDrama | 80-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 6 males, 1 either (1-12 actors possible)

The Mona Lisa has always captivated the world. But for Vincenzo Perugia, the painting holds a special power, one that compels him to steal it from the Louvre and return it to Italy. Before he returns it, how-ever, he lives under the watchful smile of La Gioconda for over two years. Based on a true story, this cast-flexible play imagines the thief’s life through a series of monologues. A clever and poignant exploration of the world’s most famous painting that takes us beyond the smile, into a keen examination of the mysteries and magnetism of great art.

A Christmas for CarolMichael MitnickComedy | 75-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 4 males, 4 either (10-20 actors possible)

Carol is a selfless but lonely veterinarian who can easily reset a dog’s broken leg, yet can’t mend the broken ties with the people in her life. To compensate, she is cripplingly generous — allowing her employees to drain her wallet and her sister to run off with the love of her life. Alone in her office on Christmas Eve, Carol is visited by the ghosts of three


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (13-25) PROFESSIONAL

animals who whisk her on a journey into her past, present, and future to convince her to stand up for herself before it’s too late. A Christmas Carol is turned inside-out in this dark comedy with a light heart.

OedipusEllen McLaughlinDrama | 70-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 6 males, 6 either (13-20 actors possible)

A plague grips the city of Thebes. Desperate to save his people, King Oedipus sends a messenger to the oracle at Delphi and discovers that the city’s salvation lies in finding and punishing the murderer of the former king, Laius, who was brutally slain by a stranger at a cross-roads years ago. When Oedipus orders a manhunt, he unknowingly sets the wheels of his own destruction in motion. This lean, contem-porary version brings a new, poignant power to this primal work that is the cornerstone of Western drama.

PersuasionJon JoryRomance | 100-110 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book8 females, 7 males (15-20 actors possible)

The Elliot family verges on financial ruin, and image-conscious patri-arch Sir Walter must rent their estate to avoid bankruptcy. His daughter Anne is surprised to learn who has taken the estate: the sister of Captain Wentworth, a man whose proposal she was persuaded to refuse years before. Then, Wentworth was a poor sailor with no social standing, but he has returned a rich and eligible officer. As they are thrown into one an-other’s company once again, Anne’s affection remains despite her lack of hope for any reconciliation. But when Wentworth begins to show signs of jealousy towards one of her suitors, she must summon the courage to seek out his true feelings. This movingly romantic adaptation of Jane Austen’s last novel brings a classic story of enduring love to the stage.

Tammy: A Coming of Age Story About a Girl Who is Part T-RexJulia WeissComedy | 100-120 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book6 females, 6 males, 4 either (16-24 actors possible)

Tammy is your average pre-teen. She has a crush on a popular jock. She wants to fit in with the cool crowd. Her parents and teachers just don’t get her. Oh, and she’s part T-Rex. Being different is never easy, but it gets a whole lot harder when your lunch is raw meat and you get muzzled every time you roar in math class. With the help of her best friend, Hope, Tammy struggles to keep her talons in check and her head held high. But can she learn to navigate the hallways of mid-dle school while governing her own prehistoric tendencies? A hilarious homage to growing up in the 90s.

Alice vs. WonderlandBrendan SheaSurreal drama with music | 75-95 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book10 females, 6 males, 2 either (9-32 actors possible)

Lewis Carroll meets Lady Gaga in this psychedelic update of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Angst-ridden adolescent Alice unwittingly trades places with Mary Ann, the Wonderland version of herself. Now Alice must travel through a fantastical teenage dreamscape, chal-lenged by Carroll’s canonical characters every step of the way. Trans-forming every time she eats or drinks, Alice is played by six different actresses, each evoking a different aspect of adolescence. Together, they paint an entrancingly surreal portrait of a teenage identity crisis. Finalist, Your Chance Festival, Russia (2010)

Over the Tavern: The TV ShowTom DudzickComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book9 females, 9 males (13-22 actors possible)

Don’t touch that remote! The Pazinskis, America’s favorite repressed 1959 Catholic family, are now starring in their own TV show — on your stage. These two one-acts from the creator of the hit play Over the Tav-ern are written as TV episodes but designed for live performance. In Epi-sode 1, 12-year-old comedian Rudy is pitted against ruler-wielding Sister Clarissa and faces that most dreaded of all disciplinary tactics: a meeting with the parents! In Episode 2, Rudy gets the whole family involved when he turns a simple act of genuflecting into the moral dilemma of the cen-tury. Perform these one-acts as written, or add your own commercials and news breaks for a total evening of family-friendly fun and nostalgia.

Pride and PrejudiceJoseph Hanreddy & J.R. SullivanRomantic Comedy | 140-160 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book14 females, 10 males (23-26 actors possible)

Marriage is an inevitable fact of life for the five Bennet sisters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. With the family estate entailed away to their closest male cousin, their only hope to advance in life is to find a rich and single man — and one has just arrived in the form of the very handsome and very well-off Charles Bingley. The kindhearted and beau-tiful Jane seems poised to make a match, but must contend with her overly zealous mother, his snobbish sister, and a slippery social ladder. And when Bingley’s taciturn friend Fitzwilliam Darcy shows an interest in the opinionated and spirited Elizabeth, the situation becomes more complicated than either of them expect. The fire and wit of Jane Austen’s classic 1813 romance shines through in this vibrant new adaptation.

MeanMusic & Lyrics by Kahlil Queen, Book by Rita CannonMusical | 70-80 mins 10 females, 8 males, 7 either (18-50 actors possible)

Taylor’s not a size zero. Inam wears a hijab. Nick doesn’t have a girl-friend. And that’s all it takes for these three teens to be singled out as victims by their bullying peers. All of them feel lonely and help-less as bullies constantly tease and harass them. But, despite what they think, they’re not alone. Supporting them in their struggles, their teachers, parents, and friends slowly show them that it’s okay, even good, to be different. This boldly realistic and uniquely poignant musi-cal will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt like the only one.

Tammy: A Coming of Age Story About a Girl Who is Part T-Rex, Corn Productions, Chicago, IL (2012). Photo: Case Blackwell


Community




Joel, a neurotic, down-on-his-heels actor/playwright, is opening his new adaptation of an obscure Euripides comedy in a smelly former sausage factory in Brooklyn. Unknown to him, there’s a big-time Holly-wood casting director in the house, as well as his crazy mother (who’s also his agent) and his crazy aunt (who’s really his mother). When one of the actors takes sleeping pills and passes out mid-performance, and the leading lady quits, Joel’s relatives leap over the footlights to rescue the show. Realities collide, and his family’s wild stories out-Greek the script, in a horrifically hilarious night of truth-telling. Just two actors can play all of the outlandish characters in this stripped-down, high-octane farce.

A Dog’s LifeBook & Lyrics by Sean Grennan, Music by Leah OkimotoMusical Comedy | 115-125 mins 1 female, 3 males (4-7 actors possible)

Joel doesn’t want a dog — he wants his girlfriend back, and she wants a dog. But when she refuses to get back together, Joel becomes the re-luctant owner of Jack. Meanwhile, Big Dog wants to be adopted alone, but his only way out includes yippy Little Dog. For both of these pairs, initially hesitant relationships blossom into profound friendships. Blend-ing comic and touching moments, this musical is an uplifting tale of companionship, our time on this earth, and simple, unconditional love.

Married Alive!Book & Lyrics by Sean Grennan, Music by Leah OkimotoMusical Comedy | 120 mins 2 females, 2 males (4-12 actors possible)

Erin and Paul have just gotten married and couldn’t be more excited. Ron and Diane have been married for years and aren’t so excited anymore. Poignant and hilarious by turns, Married Alive! uses a series of vignettes to affectionately explore the adventure of marriage. From honeymooning to “honey-not-tonight,” from couples’ therapy to Christ-mas with the in-laws, from first pregnancy to dealing with teenagers, this musical comedy has it all.

Agatha Christie’s The Mysterious Affair at StylesDavid HansenMystery | 60-70 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5-10 actors possible)

Summer, 1917. Essex, England. Back from the war, Captain Arthur Hast-ings convalesces at Styles Court. But when the lady of the house suspi-ciously dies, the tranquil manor turns treacherous. The cause is murder and the killer could be anyone: her unappealing new husband, her ne’er-do-well son, the blunt female groundskeeper, even the local toxicologist. Enter Hercule Poirot, Belgian refugee and detective extraordinaire, who applies his famous brain to the seemingly unsolvable mystery. A cunning stage adaptation of the novel that launched Agatha Christie’s career.

Revival at Possum Kingdom Community ChurchLinda LaRocqueComedy | 90-105 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5 actors possible)

Buddy and Alvo are two down-on-their-luck con men who find them-selves broke and stranded in Possum Kingdom, Texas on a hot July day in 1950. But things start to look up when they convince kindly old Ella Faye and her friend Iris that they are just the preaching team that Possum Kingdom’s underpopulated community church needs. Can the boys pull off a rip-roaring revival and make it out of town with cash in their pockets, or will the mid-hymn arrival of a misfortunate strang-er change Buddy and Alvo’s outlooks for good? Co-winner, Best Play, Community Theatre of Michigan competition (2007), Finalist, AACT Regional Competition (Illinois) (2007), Third place, Community Theatre of Michigan competition (2001)

’Twas The NightRobert FordHoliday Play | 90-105 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5 actors possible)

It’s Christmas Eve, 1954, and the cast of Wally K’s Variety Hour is about to perform their final radio show. Star Joey Preston is leaving Chicago to reprise his role in the radio show’s most popular segment on TV in New York. But Joanna, Joey’s love interest both on and off the set, won’t be joining him due to the racial prejudices of the TV show’s pro-ducers. Meanwhile cast members Wally and Izzy are still grieving the tragic death of Larry, his best friend and her fiancé, three years before. Classic songs, heartfelt love stories, and the charm of old-fashioned radio combine in this wintertime comedy full of warmth and cheer.




FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (2-11) COMMUNITY


The peaceful English countryside may never be the same after Bertie Wooster and his unflappable valet, Jeeves, pay a visit. What starts as a plan to pair tongue-tied, amphibian-loving Augustus Fink-Nottle and fanciful, poetry-loving Madeline Basset quickly goes awry. Soon, Bertie is fending off Madeline’s amorous advances, reluctantly partic-ipating in an attempted burglary, and fleeing attacks from a homicidal French chef. With the stakes this high, the solution must lie with the one and only Jeeves!

You Haven’t Changed a Bit, and Other LiesBook by Jerry Mayer, Music by Steve Mayer, Lyrics byJerry & Steve MayerMusical comedy | 100-105 mins 3 females, 3 males (6 actors possible)

The adventures of aging are filtered through three married couples who have known each other for over 30 years in this riotous Baby Boomer musical. The husbands, fed up that their gender roles seem to have switched over the years, decide to band together in rebellion and have a proper bachelor party in Las Vegas before the couples renew their vows in a combined ceremony. The wives, however, dis-approve of their spouses’ antics, standing firm against their husbands until they make some major changes. Will all three couples make it to the altar again? Only time will tell.




Extensively researched and beautifully constructed, this documenta-ry-style ensemble play recounts the life and lasting impact of ground-breaking LGBT activist and politician Harvey Milk, as told by the people who knew him best. Spoken word combines with multimedia and music as an ensemble cast moves in and out of the identities of real-world figures whose lives were forever altered by Milk’s too-short career. This spirited play reaffirms his impact and the continued relevance of his campaign towards equality, three decades after his assassination.

Bethlehem or Bust: How The Three Kings Teamed Up To Deliver The World’s First Christmas PresentsJeff LewonczykComedy | 70-85 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 5 males (8-22 actors possible)

Melchior, Balthasar, and Caspar are just three ordinary kings on a top-secret mission: follow a mysterious star to track down a new baby king. Brought together by the scheming King Herod of Judea, their dif-ferences initially end in stalemate sword fights and spiteful bickering. When they realize they can combine their unique skills to overcome their obstacles — clowning bandits, bumbling Roman soldiers, rid-dling Gryphons, and omnipresent spies — the kings find their way to Bethlehem and greet history’s most famous baby.


It’s 1942, and two of Hollywood’s biggest divas have descended upon the luxurious Palm Beach Royale Hotel — assistants, luggage, and legendary feud with one another in tow. Everything seems to be in order for their wartime performance...that is, until they are somehow assigned to the same suite. Mistaken identities, overblown egos, double entendres, and a lap dog named Mr. Boodles round out this hilarious riot of a love note to the classic farces of the 30s and 40s. Finalist, Garson Theatre Company New Play Reading Festival (2006), Best of 2008 Theatre, Palm Beach ArtsPaper

Paradise Lost and FoundPat CookComedy | 75-95 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 4 males (11 actors possible)

Mavis and the other employees of the Lost and Found department of the Paradise Bus Company are used to dealing with all kinds of strange things, from abandoned tubas to missing tiaras. However, their biggest challenge yet may be controlling a runaway rumor that big-shot B.F. Crandall is coming to visit. As they try to keep up the ruse for their by-the-book manager, crazy misunderstandings and confu-sion ensue — and to top it all off they must figure out the mysterious reason why a nine-year-old girl has turned up at the bus station alone. Will the answers that they’re looking for turn up at the Paradise Lost and Found?


COMMUNITY FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (11-18)


In this moving and poetic adaptation of Aeschylus’ drama, Queen Atos-sa and her subjects anxiously await news of their King Xerxes’ expe-dition to Greece. What they hear is inconceivably horrifying: the vast Persian Empire has fallen, with an entire army lost. Now the scant sur-vivors of a catastrophic campaign, including Xerxes himself, must find a way to continue to live in the shattered world they once called home.








Carol is a selfless but lonely veterinarian who can easily reset a dog’s broken leg, yet can’t mend the broken ties with the people in her life. To compensate, she is cripplingly generous — allowing her employees to drain her wallet and her sister to run off with the love of her life. Alone in her office on Christmas Eve, Carol is visited by the ghosts of three animals who whisk her on a journey into her past, present, and future to convince her to stand up for herself before it’s too late.

Oedipus Ellen McLaughlinDrama | 70-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 6 males, 6 either (13-20 actors possible)



The Elliot family verges on financial ruin, and image-conscious patri-arch Sir Walter must rent their estate to avoid bankruptcy. His daugh-ter Anne is surprised to learn who has taken the estate: the sister of Captain Wentworth, a man whose proposal she was persuaded to refuse years before. Then, Wentworth was a poor sailor with no social standing, but he has returned a rich and eligible officer. As they are thrown into one another’s company once again, Anne’s affection re-mains despite her lack of hope for any reconciliation. But when Went-worth begins to show signs of jealousy towards one of her suitors, she must summon the courage to seek out his true feelings. This movingly romantic adaptation of Jane Austen’s last novel brings a classic story of enduring love to the stage.

The Elevator FamilyDouglas EvansComedy | 50-60 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 7 males, 3 either (8-24 actors possible)

When the quirky Wilson family goes on vacation, they visit a nice hotel — and then decide to take up residence in the elevator. They quickly turn their tiny space into a cozy home nicknamed “Otis” where they play pick-up sticks, have meals delivered, and entertain guests. All are welcome in the Wilsons’ tiny mobile room, and as they move up and down they help everyone they meet, including a love-struck bellhop, an overscheduled old lady, and a lonely salesman. But when the Wil-sons suspect that a kidnapped girl may be hidden in the hotel, they may face their biggest challenge yet.




COMMUNITYFULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (18-45)

Over the Tavern: The TV Show Tom DudzickComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book9 females, 9 males (13-22 actors possible)

Don’t touch that remote! The Pazinskis, America’s favorite repressed 1959 Catholic family, are now starring in their own TV show — on your stage. These two one-acts from the creator of the hit play Over the Tavern are written as TV episodes but designed for live perfor-mance. In Episode 1, 12-year-old comedian Rudy is pitted against ruler-wielding Sister Clarissa and faces that most dreaded of all disci-plinary tactics: a meeting with the parents! In Episode 2, Rudy gets the whole family involved when he turns a simple act of genuflecting into the moral dilemma of the century. Perform these one-acts as written, or add your own commercials and news breaks for a total evening of family-friendly fun and nostalgia.

Monte CristoBook & Lyrics by Flip Kobler, Book by Cindy Marcus, Music by Dennis PooreMusical | 60-75 mins 4 females, 3 males, 13 either (13-35 actors possible)

Edmond’s English class couldn’t care less about The Count of Monte Cristo — until a school lockdown and a film competition with a strict deadline force them to re-enact the story. Timeless themes of revenge and entrapment become surprisingly resonant, and the line between reality and performance starts to blur. With light-hearted songs along-side powerful revelations, this musical depicts one class’s journey to understand a classic text, and in the process, themselves.

The Seussification of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (full-length)Peter BloedelComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 9 males, 7 either (20 actors possible)

The Bard’s most beloved comedy gets the full Seuss treatment in this playful adaptation. Two madcap Narrators chronicle the tale of the mixed-up lovers as they wander through a forest full of whoosh bush tush beasts and fairies dueling with bumballoon swords. Told in rhyming couplets, this reimagining is how Shakespeare’s magical tale might have played if Dr. Seuss had gotten his hands on it... (A one-act version of this play is also available.)

Helen on 86th St.: School EditionBook & Lyrics by Nicole Kempskie, Music by Robby StamperMusical Comedy for Families | 75-90 mins 13 females, 3 males, 5 either (13-35 actors possible)

12-year-old New Yorker Vita has her heart set on playing Helen of Troy in the school musical. After all, her mother is a Greek translator, so Vita knows the story better than anyone! But when the pretty Helen McGuire is cast instead, Vita’s dreams of stardom — and of her ab-sent father coming home to see her in the show — begin to dim. Even though her role has only one line, Vita holds onto her dreams, and soon, it seems that her luck may change. But will her star shine bright enough to guide her father home? This charming and big-hearted mu-sical brings a new twist to a classic tale.

Pride and Prejudice Joseph Hanreddy & J.R. SullivanRomantic Comedy | 140-160 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book14 females, 10 males (23-26 actors possible)

Marriage is an inevitable fact of life for the five Bennet sisters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. With the family estate entailed away to their closest male cousin, their only hope to advance in life is to find a rich and single man — and one has just arrived in the form of the very handsome and very well-off Charles Bingley. The kindhearted and beautiful Jane seems poised to make a match, but must contend with her overly zealous mother, his snobbish sister, and a slippery so-cial ladder. And when Bingley’s taciturn friend Fitzwilliam Darcy shows an interest in the opinionated and spirited Elizabeth, the situation be-comes more complicated than either of them expect. The fire and wit of Jane Austen’s classic 1813 romance shines through in this vibrant new adaptation.

The Hamlet Thrill-ma-geddon (full-length)Don ZolidisComedy | 75-85 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 6 males, 15 either (10-47 actors possible)

To sell out or not to sell out? Not really much of a question. After their budget is slashed, the drama club turns to Shakespeare’s greatest tragedy to raise cash, but it’s not tickets that are going to fund this year’s show: It’s sweet, sweet corporate sponsorship and mid-play commercial advertising. The sponsors demand changes in the stodgy old script, but who cares if Shakespeare never wrote musical numbers with back-up dancers or post-apocalyptic zombie battles? He’s dead and he can’t complain. Or sue. A lightning-quick, hilarious perversion of the greatest play in the English language. (A one-act version of this play is also available.)



Aesop, Come Back!Joshua MikelComedy/Storytelling | 50-70 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 5 males, 35 either (10-35 actors possible)

In an attempt to prove that Aesop was history’s greatest fabulist, a group of storytellers cracks the spine of a massive edition of Aesop’s Fables, releasing the old man’s most memorable characters into the theater. The Tortoise, the Hare, the Hart, the Vines, the Simpletons, the Fox, the Lion, the Mouse, and a certain golden egg-laying Goose all take the stage, delightfully re-imagined; the Tellers alternate be-tween narrating and joining the action. Bristling with comic energy, this play caters to a large cast and is perfect for audiences of all ages.


High School

One-Acts

High School ReunionIan McWethyComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book2 females, 2 males, 1 either (5-20 actors possible)

After spending a fateful night together at their senior prom, five "fren-emies" reunite at their 10th, 25th, and 65th high school reunions. The prom king and queen, the party guy, the shy girl, and the weirdo find themselves linked through the decades, each one always hoping to prove to the others that they've made it to the proverbial "top." This comedy proves that while high school may only last four years, for some, the desire to outdo their high school buddies never fades away.

The Great Senior Class Poe-a-ThonDavid RushDrama | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book1 female, 6 either (7-15 actors possible)

Three of Edgar Allen Poe's most terrifying tales are given fresh life in this adaptation, designed as a customizable contest perfect for any production group. Which is scariest — the poisonous resentment of The Cask of Amontillado, the paranoid hallucinations of The Tell-Tale Heart, or the entombed madness of The Fall of the House of Usher? The audience plays judge in this chilling and atmospheric trio.

ChangeMichael SladeDrama/Comedy | 40-50 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 2 males (3-8 actors possible)

In 1964, three high school valedictorians reflect on the one recent event none of them will ever forget — the assassination of President Ken-nedy. In early 2002, a middle school student becomes convinced that Al-Qaida terrorists lurk in the midst of his sleepy small town. And on No-vember 5th, 2008, two young mothers from very different backgrounds consider what Obama's victory means for the future of their children. By turns poignant and funny, this look back on watershed moments in American history is an honest examination of change's immense power.

CrushedDon ZolidisComedy | 35-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book4 females, 4 males (29-35 actors possible)

Guy and Girl are pretty pathetic. Rather than interact with other hu-mans, they've retreated to their own personal fantasy worlds of sap-py romantic comedies and violent video games. Luckily, their hours of gorging on ice cream and battling imaginary enemies cause them to hallucinate their own spirit guides to romance, who will gleefully usher them into the world of dating, starting with lessons in what not to do (like creating a doll made of your beloved's hair or wearing a sympathy preg-nancy suit). A hilarious and wild look at the pitfalls of having a crush.

A Very Stagehand Christmas: Reindeer Apocalypse Storm!Kevin KautzmanComedy | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 2 males (8-9 actors possible)

Anywhere High School's Drama Club is about to stage yet another infamously terrible holiday play by their oft-absent drama teacher, Mr. Colby, when he departs for a sabbatical. Left to lead themselves, the backstage crew decides to stage their own action-packed holiday play about the first Christmas after the Apocalypse: Reindeer Apocalypse Storm! The problem is there's no budget, people are quitting left and right, and the new playwright has no idea that his play is ridiculous. Will school spirit, artistic collaboration, and cyborg reindeer be enough to overcome the odds and create a hit holiday show?

Letters to KurtJanine NabersDrama | 25-30 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book7 females, 2 males, 9 either (18 actors possible)

16-year-old outcast Molly doesn't seem to fit in anywhere. Her family barely knows she exists, the kids at school think she's a "depressed freak," and even her two best friends are having trouble understand-ing her. When the only comfort in her life, music, is disrupted by the death of Kurt Cobain, Molly's world is turned upside down. But her plans to leave the miserable town of Walla Walla behind for good are intersected by the person she least expects.

Young Goodman BrownLuke KruegerDrama | 27-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book3 females, 2 males, 6 either (7-12 actors possible)

Goodman Brown, an upstanding Puritan colonist and intrepid citizen of Salem, Massachusetts, sets off into the woods one night. Despite the pleadings of his wife, Faith, he ventures out and meets a mysteri-ous man who takes him to an occult gathering attended by everyone else in town. The next morning, Goodman wakes in the street, unsure if what he witnessed the night before was a dream or reality. Dark, severe, and faithful to Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic short story.

Just Add ZombiesJonathan DorfComedy | 35-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book8 females, 3 males, 1 either (11-40 actors possible)

"Desperate" doesn't begin to describe this high school drama troupe: their parents avoid their shows, their faculty sponsor has fled, and the audience for their production of Romeo and Juliet consists of one sleeping homeless woman. When they discover that the sleeping woman is actually dead, the troupe turns her into a zombie so she can join the show and make it a hit with the zombie-loving masses. But one bite leads to another, and soon things spin wildly out of control. When the curtain comes down on this undead Romeo and Juliet, will anyone be left alive?


ONE-ACT Ideal Cast Size (5-15) HIGH SCHOOL

Lip ServiceBradley HaywardComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book1 female, 1 male, 10 either (12 actors possible)

They say love conquers all, but that was before Pardonnez Moi opened its doors. When Charlie made his reservation at the romantic restaurant to ask for Laura's hand in marriage, he had no idea that his proposal would be repeatedly thwarted by a revolving staff of cuckoos. Among them are a waitress obsessed with conspiracy theories, a bus boy with a cabaret act and a violinist that doesn't even know how to play. As Laura flits from disaster to disaster, Charlie tries desperately to make heads or tails of the nonsense spewing from everyone's lips.

The MessageDrew DavisComedy | 30-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book7 females, 5 males (12 actors possible)

An accidental mix-up at a Parisian ring shop causes a divide between not one, not two, but three bewildered couples in this witty adapta-tion of Thornton Wilder's playlet The Message and Jehanne. Jeal-ous fiancés and clever plot twists abound in a delightful ode to the old-fashioned romantic comedy. Will love triumph? Qui sait? Winner, Thornton Wilder Playwriting Contest (2011)

Miss BethDon ZolidisDark Comedy | 40-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book9 females, 4 males (12-23 actors possible)

Beth is pretty, popular, a valued member of the Sub-Regional Cham-pion competitive cheer squad, and relatively happy with her life. But when a late-night Ouija board session proclaims that she will become assistant cheer captain, an unexpected and ridiculous series of su-pernatural events are triggered. As Beth's thirst for power grows, her moral compass goes into a tailspin — and her popularity-hungry mom and best friend aren't helping. A campy, female-centered, modernized version of Shakespeare's dark classic.

The Red Pants Blue Pants Marionette SpectacularJoshua MikelComedy | 30-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book13 either (13-20 actors possible)

A free-spirited riff on Thornton Wilder's playlet Proserpina and the Devil, this short comedy follows the antics of Red Pants and Blue Pants, co-performers and partners in crime. As they attempt to pres-ent their usual play-within-a-play, personal conflict and costume-related angst keep getting in the way. The meddling of two tricky potion push-ers, Peep and Gnarly Carly, doesn't help. Will their trusty spot op Leroy, befuddled stage manager Deborah, and a dose of magic help keep Red and Blue's show on the road, or will everyone get their pants in a twist? Finalist, Thornton Wilder Playwriting Contest (2011)

Land O' Plenty: My Journey as the Only Boy in an All-Girls SchoolDavid Largman MurrayComedy | 35-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book10 females, 3 males, 1 either (9-14 actors possible)

After being home-schooled all his life, Ariel Carvell (who is not, he in-sists, named after the mermaid) is excited for his first day of "normal"

high school. Unfortunately, his confusing name betrays him again, as Ariel finds himself mistakenly enrolled as the only boy in an all-girls school. To make matters worse, his eccentric, 37-year-old Aunt Lydia decides to enroll as well! Things look bad until Ariel sees the girl of his dreams across the hall and realizes that, with a little luck, life for the only boy in an all-girls school might not be that bad...

Backwards at the Speed of LightAnna MoenchComedy/Drama | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book2 females, 2 males, 11 either (15-20 actors possible)

Three of Earth's finest have set off on the Encounter Mission, a thou-sand-year journey to the planet Syrnac. In order to survive the long mission, Commander Michaelson, Lieutenant Vega, and Dr. Carmine are "Rebooted" every hundred years into adolescent bodies. But just after their first Reboot, they wake to a message from NASA: the mis-sion has been canceled. Michaelson intends to follow orders and re-turn to Earth, but Dr. Carmine has other plans and wrests control of the ship. A true flight of fancy that explores teamwork, bullying, and courage under pressure.

The Lost Soul of Captain ComposureTim KochenderferComedy | 30-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book3 females, 5 males, 7 either (11-15 actors possible)

Pirate Captain Jack "Shortfuse" Composure thinks he's gotten the best of a sassy mermaid when she offers him a fortune in exchange for his soul and he gives her an empty canteen instead. But the joke may be on the Captain when his soul turns up in the hands of the dastardly Le Mew and his easily offended group of French sail-ors. Composure must decide whether to save his treasure and his own motley crew, or risk his life to keep his soul. Loosely based on Thornton Wilder's playlet Leviathan, this short play brings hilarity to the high seas!

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ONE-ACT Ideal Cast Size (15-20)HIGH SCHOOL

Note to SelfBradley HaywardComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book15 either (8-100 actors possible)

Note to self: it's not easy being a teenager. With the help of a rhyming chorus, ten teenagers bring their inner monologues to life in a series of hilarious and candid vignettes. From a cyber-stalking mom and a texting-related fender bender, to a turbocharged caffeine buzz in band class and a run-in with Elvis, it turns out that high school might not be such a breeze after all. These students quickly figure out that the notes they pass in class pale in comparison to the mental notes they make for themselves!

Wayward Loafers of Gooseberry HighMichael MitnickComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book8 females, 6 males, 1 either (15 actors possible)

High school is a hard place to navigate. What if there was a magic GPS that told you exactly what to do? A little box that showed you how to avoid bullies, where to turn to find the person you're crushing on, and, most importantly, how to make it through? When the unpopular Bea wakes up one morning to find such a thing, her life seems to suddenly fall into place. Things will suddenly be easier for her from now on. Right?

Harry's Hotter at TwilightJonathan DorfComedy | 35-45 mins | $45.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 5 males, 4 either (10-35 actors possible)

This crazed mash-up parody of the Harry Potter and Twilight series (with nods to Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Alice in Wonderland, and other stars of the pop culture pantheon) features invisible rabbits, armies of babies, murderous lunatics, evil gourmets and much more. Hilarity ensues as everyone's favorite wizards, vampires, and were-wolves battle to save the gloomy town of Spork — and indeed the world — from certain destruction at the hands of the nefarious Fine Diner and the bloodthirsty Euphoria.

Drama Geeks vs. Zombie CheerleadersKathryn WalatComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book11 females, 5 males (15-16 actors possible)

The Drama Club notices that their biggest rivals, the Cheerleaders, are acting unusual. They’re beginning to smell, and they seem to have an odd taste for human flesh... yup, they’ve turned into zombies. With the big Homecoming game approaching, Head Zombie-Cheerleader Peaches organizes her undead followers to plan a feast on the rest of the school. It’s up to the Drama Geeks to use their gift for dramatic flair to slay their rivals. Can a ragtag band of over-dramatic misfits defeat the zombies — and save the world — before it’s too late?

Nancy Blue: Girl Detective Megan Mostyn-BrownComedy | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book14 females, 2 males, 1 either (17 actors possible)

Framed as a radio play, this creative and jaunty noir spoof of Nancy Drew has Nancy Blue searching to uncover who has kidnapped the high school principal. It won't be easy in a hard-boiled world of mounting suspicions and mysterious events — not to mention diva actresses, a stubborn rookie cop, a bossy older sister, and an AV Nerd who always adds her two cents. Can this tough young gumshoe figure out where the principal has vanished to, and what is giving off that awful smell?

A Rare ConditionAlan HaehnelDrama | 30-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book8 females, 8 males, 3 either (16-25 actors possible)

Saundra is acting very strangely — she wears her prom dress to school, stands up to a tyrannical teacher, hugs her younger brother, and even tries to join the boys' wrestling team. In a series of mono-logues, Saundra's friends and family open up about how her odd be-havior has affected them, with reactions ranging from bafflement to anger, frustration to admiration. It's only after Saundra's sudden death that her motives are revealed, and everyone is left to ponder their own rare condition.

The Seussification of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (one-act)Peter BloedelComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 9 males, 7 either (20 actors possible)

The Bard’s most beloved comedy gets the full Seuss treatment in this playful adaptation. Two madcap Narrators chronicle the tale of the mixed-up lovers as they wander through a forest full of whoosh bush tush beasts and fairies dueling with bumballoon swords. Told in rhyming couplets, this reimagining is how Shakespeare’s magical tale might have played if Dr. Seuss had gotten his hands on it... (A full-length version of this play is also available.)

Socking the OctopusKen PreussComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 4 males, 10 either (10-20 actors possible)

For Hannah, writing a play for a zany contest is like trying to put socks on an octopus: almost impossible! She needs the help of her best friends, Isabel and Darin, and a full cast of wonderfully weird charac-ters — from a narcoleptic mermaid to a doomed dead king — to get the job done. Will they be able to include every one of the contest’s demands in time to submit the play? Not if the Octopus has anything to say about it! This fast-paced and hilarious short is strangely satisfy-ing and satisfyingly strange.

Waking Sleeping BeautyRoss Mihalko & Donna SwiftComedy | 35-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book10 females, 3 males, 7 either (13-27 actors possible)

Everyone is invited to the party celebrating the birth of the new prin-cess — everyone, that is, except Mathilda, an oddball fairy notorious for her snorting laugh, mismatched socks, and terrible gifts. Sure enough, when she shows up anyway to present an enchanted spinning

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ONE-ACT Ideal Cast Size (25-33) / FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (2-7) HIGH SCHOOL

wheel, it turns out to be cursed, causing Princess Aurora to fall into an enchanted sleep until she’s awakened by true love’s kiss. Will Mathilda find the princess’s true love, Prince Fauntleroy, in time to awaken her, or will the plans of his jealous brother Prince Balderdash prevail?

Rejection!, or Will Date For FoodIan McWethyComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book13 females, 12 males (16-25 actors possible)

After their parents threaten to stop feeding them if they don’t go to prom, two teens are forced to ask out as many people as possible until they each find a date. But as they scout their respective schools, hilarity and insanity ensue. From the young man intent on bringing his whole family with him, to the clueless nerd who thinks “Prom” is a type of beverage, to the daredevil who plans to bring fireworks, it soon becomes clear that any date will make this dance one to remember.

The Hamlet Thrill-ma-geddon (one-act)Don ZolidisComedy | 35-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book7 females, 7 males, 15 either (14-47 actors possible)

To sell out or not to sell out? Not really much of a question. After their bud-get is slashed, the drama club turns to Shakespeare’s greatest tragedy to raise cash, but it’s not tickets that are going to fund this year’s show: It’s sweet, sweet corporate sponsorship and mid-play commercial adver-tising. The sponsors demand changes in the stodgy old script, but who cares if Shakespeare never wrote musical numbers with back-up danc-ers or post-apocalyptic zombie battles? He’s dead and he can’t complain. Or sue. A lightning-quick, hilarious perversion of the greatest play in the English language. (A full-length version of this play is also available.)

For Feet’s SakeKrista KnightComedy/Drama | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book20 females, 13 males (15-53 actors possible)

In this funny, poignant take on the classic tale of The Little Mermaid, Thessaly, the youngest of five mermaid sisters, yearns to visit the sur-face. When she finally gets her wish, she falls in love with a human prince, and makes a bargain with a witch that will allow her to be hu-man too. But there’s a deadly catch — if she doesn’t marry the prince, she’ll become sea foam, caught between land and water forever. Fea-turing a narrator-Emcee, a frustrated Mer-King, and a location-creat-ing Chorus, this reimagining offers comic, tragic, and surprising twists on a familiar story.

Full-Lengths




Summer, 1917. Essex, England. Back from the war, Captain Arthur Hastings convalesces at Styles Court. But when the lady of the house suspiciously dies, the tranquil manor turns treacherous. The cause is murder and the killer could be anyone: her unappealing new hus-band, her ne’er-do-well son, the blunt female groundskeeper, even the local toxicologist. Enter Hercule Poirot, Belgian refugee and detective extraordinaire, who applies his famous brain to the seemingly unsolv-able mystery. A cunning stage adaptation of the novel that launched Agatha Christie’s career.




Extensively researched and beautifully constructed, this documenta-ry-style ensemble play recounts the life and lasting impact of ground-breaking LGBT activist and politician Harvey Milk, as told by the people who knew him best. Spoken word combines with multimedia and mu-sic as an ensemble cast moves in and out of the identities of real-world

Austentatious, NYMF, New York, NY (2007). Photo: Bobby Octaviano


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (8-12)HIGH SCHOOL

figures whose lives were forever altered by Milk’s too-short career. This spirited play reaffirms his impact and the continued relevance of his campaign towards equality, three decades after his assassination.


Melchior, Balthasar, and Caspar are just three ordinary kings on a top-secret mission: follow a mysterious star to track down a new baby king. Brought together by the scheming King Herod of Judea, their differences initially end in stalemate sword fights and spiteful bickering. When they realize they can combine their unique skills to overcome their obstacles — clowning bandits, bumbling Roman soldiers, riddling Gryphons, and omnipresent spies — the kings find their way to Bethlehem and greet history’s most famous baby.




Sympathy Jones dreams of being a super secret agent, but she’s stuck as a secretary...until, one day, a confidential file is accidentally left on her desk. When she discovers that the file contains information about a plot to overthrow the government, Sympathy seizes her chance for ad-venture and fame. But she soon realizes that trying to save the world against impossible odds is not nearly as glamorous as she thought it would be, and she certainly can’t do it alone. This delightful, 1960s-era musical is full of humor, self-discovery, and heart-pounding action.

Paradise Lost and FoundPat CookComedy | 75-95 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 4 males (11 actors possible)

Mavis and the other employees of the Lost and Found department of the Paradise Bus Company are used to dealing with all kinds of strange things, from abandoned tubas to missing tiaras. However, their biggest challenge yet may be controlling a runaway rumor that big-shot B.F. Crandall is coming to visit. As they try to keep up the ruse for their by-the-book manager, crazy misunderstandings and confusion ensue — and to top it all off they must figure out the mysterious reason why a nine-year-old girl has turned up at the bus station alone. Will the an-swers that they’re looking for turn up at the Paradise Lost and Found?






This modern musical adaptation lifts Jane Austen’s comedy of man-ners out of Regency England and sets it down in contemporary Con-necticut. Emma, a graduate student at Highbury College, embarks on a personal mission to set up a lonely gay student named Harry with a suitable boyfriend. She sets her sights on school a cappella star Trevor, but her plan is soon complicated by the return of an old rival and a visit from a British film star. Emma’s mentor/advisor, Dr. Knight, and her old friend, Miss Bates, join the fracas — and the rural college soon teems with missed connections. A delightful and deeply felt spin on the original.



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FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (13-20) HIGH SCHOOL


Carol is a selfless but lonely veterinarian who can easily reset a dog’s broken leg, yet can’t mend the broken ties with the people in her life. To compensate, she is cripplingly generous — allowing her employees to drain her wallet and her sister to run off with the love of her life. Alone in her office on Christmas Eve, Carol is visited by the ghosts of three animals who whisk her on a journey into her past, present, and future to convince her to stand up for herself before it’s too late. A Christmas Carol is turned inside-out in this dark comedy with a light heart.

Wild Kate: A Tale of Revenge at SeaKaren HartmanComedy/Drama | 85-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 4 males, 3 either (11-14 actors possible)

“Call me Isabel.” A brainy teen with a chip on her shoulder seeks adventure and escape when she enrolls in High School on the High Seas. But soon Isabel, her new pal Quinn, and a rag-tag collection of classmates and crew find themselves swept off course in an extracur-ricular payback mission led by the boat’s strange and formidable cap-tain, Wild Kate. In this fast-paced contemporary adventure inspired by Melville’s Moby Dick and the Deepwater Oil Rig disaster, these young sailors are forced to consider whether saving the ocean is worth risk-ing their lives. A.C.T.’s Young Conservatory and MFA Program Joint Commission (2010)


The Elliot family verges on financial ruin, and image-conscious patri-arch Sir Walter must rent their estate to avoid bankruptcy. His daugh-ter Anne is surprised to learn who has taken the estate: the sister of Captain Wentworth, a man whose proposal she was persuaded to refuse years before. Then, Wentworth was a poor sailor with no social standing, but he has returned a rich and eligible officer. As they are thrown into one another’s company once again, Anne’s affection re-mains despite her lack of hope for any reconciliation. But when Went-worth begins to show signs of jealousy towards one of her suitors, she must summon the courage to seek out his true feelings. This movingly romantic adaptation of Jane Austen’s last novel brings a classic story of enduring love to the stage.


When the quirky Wilson family goes on vacation, they visit a nice hotel — and then decide to take up residence in the elevator. They quickly turn their tiny space into a cozy home nicknamed “Otis” where they play pick-up sticks, have meals delivered, and entertain guests. All are welcome in the Wilsons’ tiny mobile room, and as they move up and down they help everyone they meet, including a love-struck bell-hop, an overscheduled old lady, and a lonely salesman. But when the Wilsons suspect that a kidnapped girl may be hidden in the hotel, they may face their biggest challenge yet.



Over the Tavern: The TV ShowTom DudzickComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book9 females, 9 males (13-22 actors possible)

Don’t touch that remote! The Pazinskis, America’s favorite repressed 1959 Catholic family, are now starring in their own TV show — on your stage. These two one-acts from the creator of the hit play Over the Tavern are written as TV episodes but designed for live perfor-mance. In Episode 1, 12-year-old comedian Rudy is pitted against ruler-wielding Sister Clarissa and faces that most dreaded of all disci-plinary tactics: a meeting with the parents! In Episode 2, Rudy gets the whole family involved when he turns a simple act of genuflecting into the moral dilemma of the century. Perform these one-acts as written, or add your own commercials and news breaks for a total evening of family-friendly fun and nostalgia.

Monte CristoBook & Lyrics by Flip Kobler, Book by Cindy Marcus, Music by Dennis PooreMusical | 60-75 mins 4 females, 3 males, 13 either (13-35 actors possible)

Edmond’s English class couldn’t care less about The Count of Monte Cristo — until a school lockdown and a film competition with a strict

Wild Kate: A Tale of Revenge at Sea, American Conservatory Theater, San Francisco, CA (2010). Photo: Alessandra Mello


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (20-25)HIGH SCHOOL

deadline force them to re-enact the story. Timeless themes of revenge and entrapment become surprisingly resonant, and the line between reality and performance starts to blur. With light-hearted songs along-side powerful revelations, this musical depicts one class’s journey to understand a classic text, and in the process, themselves.



We’ll be better laterLaura JacqminDark Comedy | 40-60 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book8 females, 1 male, 12 either (21-27 actors possible)

At a detention camp and reform institution for internet-addicted and online-obsessed teenagers, a revolution is brewing. Forced to make small talk and forbidden from all electronics, the inmates are misera-ble. When the newest addition, algebra-loving oddball Lauren, is aban-doned here by her parents, she unwittingly starts a revolt against the camp General and his Minions. Now it’s up to the outcasts.

The Odyssey: by Thespis and the Peloponnesian Midwest Regional Third Place ChorusWill AverillComedy | 50-75 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book9 females, 3 males, 10 either (20-60 actors possible)

The Peloponnesian Midwest Regional Chorus is tired of placing last in every competition with their ho-hum renditions of heroic myths. Enter Thespis, with a risky idea to cure the Chorus’s recitation-related woes: a full theatrical production! With the help of his buddies — Directus,

Settius, Propius, Costumius, and of course, the benevolent Greek Gods — Thespis takes the chorus’s version of The Odyssey from just-OK to jaw-droppingly amazing. The birth of theatre and the plights of the original homeward-bound hero have never been this hilarious!

The ElectionDon ZolidisComedy | 85-95 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 7 males, 10 either (19-48 actors possible)

After an embattled student body president resigns in disgrace, Mark Davenport figures he will cruise to victory in the special election. After all, his only opponent is nerdy Christy Martin, who wants to eliminate football. But when a mysterious Super PAC gives her an unlimited budget, things start to get very ugly. Mark must face total annihilation or accept the services of a slick professional campaign manager with questionable ethics and a million-dollar Super PAC of his own. A hilar-ious and timely satire on the contemporary political scene.


Marriage is an inevitable fact of life for the five Bennet sisters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. With the family estate entailed away to their closest male cousin, their only hope to advance in life is to find a rich and single man — and one has just arrived in the form of the very handsome and very well-off Charles Bingley. The kindhearted and beautiful Jane seems poised to make a match, but must contend with her overly zealous mother, his snobbish sister, and a slippery so-cial ladder. And when Bingley’s taciturn friend Fitzwilliam Darcy shows an interest in the opinionated and spirited Elizabeth, the situation be-comes more complicated than either of them expect. The fire and wit of Jane Austen’s classic 1813 romance shines through in this vibrant new adaptation.


To sell out or not to sell out? Not really much of a question. After their budget is slashed, the drama club turns to Shakespeare’s greatest trag-edy to raise cash, but it’s not tickets that are going to fund this year’s show: It’s sweet, sweet corporate sponsorship and mid-play commer-cial advertising. The sponsors demand changes in the stodgy old script, but who cares if Shakespeare never wrote musical numbers with back-up dancers or post-apocalyptic zombie battles? He’s dead and he can’t complain. Or sue. (A one-act version of this play is also available.)



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The Twelve Daughters of HerculesBen KingslandAction comedy | 90-110 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book21 females, 7 males, 12 either (28-43 actors possible)

The once-mighty Hercules is now a family man, with twelve daughters but no son to carry on the family business of heroism. When a trea-sure is stolen from under his nose, he kisses his family goodbye and sets off, eager to relive his glory days. But as soon as he leaves, the monsters of his past come after the daughters he’s left behind! Now they’re off on a rip-roaring adventure to save their family, learn the art of heroism, and prove to their famous dad that girls can kick butt too.



The End of the World (With Prom to Follow)Sean AbleyDrama/Comedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 3 males, 39 either (35-100 actors possible)

No parents, no siblings, no teachers. It might sound like a dream to some high schoolers, but for the teenagers of Great Falls, Mon-tana, it is the stuff of reality. They awake one morning to find a Wall of Light encircling their town, and everyone but the student body has vanished. On top of that, the light is moving inward and their town is steadily disappearing. In the face of this mystery, the students band together...and splinter apart. What can they do to stop it? What′s on the other side? Will there still be time for one last dance? An exciting drama/comedy for a large student cast, this play explores mortality, friendship, and the survival of ethics when survival itself is at stake.

HIGH SCHOOLFULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (40-46)

The Odyssey: by Thespis and the Peloponnesian Midwest Regional Third Place Chorus, Southwest Junior High School, Lawrence, Kansas (2011).


Christmas Flexible Casting Monologue Musical

Middle School

One-Acts

ChangeMichael SladeDrama/Comedy | 40-50 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 2 males (3-8 actors possible)

In 1964, three high school valedictorians reflect on the one recent event none of them will ever forget — the assassination of President Ken-nedy. In early 2002, a middle school student becomes convinced that Al-Qaida terrorists lurk in the midst of his sleepy small town. And on No-vember 5th, 2008, two young mothers from very different backgrounds consider what Obama's victory means for the future of their children. By turns poignant and funny, this look back on watershed moments in American history is an honest examination of change's immense power.

A Very Stagehand Christmas: Reindeer Apocalypse Storm!Kevin KautzmanComedy | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 2 males (8-9 actors possible)

Anywhere High School's Drama Club is about to stage yet another infamously terrible holiday play by their oft-absent drama teacher, Mr. Colby, when he departs for a sabbatical. Left to lead themselves, the backstage crew decides to stage their own action-packed holiday play about the first Christmas after the Apocalypse: Reindeer Apocalypse Storm! The problem is there's no budget, people are quitting left and right, and the new playwright has no idea that his play is ridiculous. Will school spirit, artistic collaboration, and cyborg reindeer be enough to overcome the odds and create a hit holiday show?

Just Add ZombiesJonathan DorfComedy | 35-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book8 females, 3 males, 1 either (11-40 actors possible)

“Desperate” doesn’t begin to describe this high school drama troupe: their parents avoid their shows, their faculty sponsor has fled, and the audience for their production of Romeo and Juliet consists of one sleep-ing homeless woman. When they discover that the sleeping woman is actually dead, the troupe turns her into a zombie so she can join the show and make it a hit with the zombie-loving masses. But one bite leads to another, and soon things spin wildly out of control. When the curtain comes down on this undead Romeo and Juliet, will anyone be left alive?

Lip ServiceBradley HaywardComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book1 female, 1 male, 10 either (12 actors possible)

They say love conquers all, but that was before Pardonnez Moi opened its doors. When Charlie made his reservation at the romantic restaurant to ask for Laura’s hand in marriage, he had no idea that his proposal would be repeatedly thwarted by a revolving staff of cuckoos. Among them are a waitress obsessed with conspiracy theories, a bus boy with a cabaret act and a violinist that doesn’t even know how to play. As Laura flits from disaster to disaster, Charlie tries desperately to make heads or tails of the nonsense spewing from everyone’s lips.

Miss BethDon ZolidisDark Comedy | 40-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book9 females, 4 males (12-23 actors possible)

Beth is pretty, popular, a valued member of the Sub-Regional Cham-pion competitive cheer squad, and relatively happy with her life. But when a late-night Ouija board session proclaims that she will become assistant cheer captain, an unexpected and ridiculous series of su-pernatural events are triggered. As Beth’s thirst for power grows, her moral compass goes into a tailspin — and her popularity-hungry mom and best friend aren’t helping. A campy, female-centered, modernized version of Shakespeare’s dark classic.

The Red Pants Blue Pants Marionette SpectacularJoshua MikelComedy | 30-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book13 either (13-20 actors possible)

A free-spirited riff on Thornton Wilder’s playlet Proserpina and the Devil, this short comedy follows the antics of Red Pants and Blue Pants, co-performers and partners in crime. As they attempt to pres-ent their usual play-within-a-play, personal conflict and costume-related angst keep getting in the way. The meddling of two tricky potion push-ers, Peep and Gnarly Carly, doesn’t help. Will their trusty spot op Leroy, befuddled stage manager Deborah, and a dose of magic help keep Red and Blue’s show on the road, or will everyone get their pants in a twist? Finalist, Thornton Wilder Playwriting Contest (2011)

Backwards at the Speed of LightAnna MoenchComedy/Drama | 35-45 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book2 females, 2 males, 11 either (15-20 actors possible)

Three of Earth’s finest have set off on the Encounter Mission, a thou-sand-year journey to the planet Syrnac. In order to survive the long mission, Commander Michaelson, Lieutenant Vega, and Dr. Carmine are “Rebooted” every hundred years into adolescent bodies. But just after their first Reboot, they wake to a message from NASA: the mis-sion has been canceled. Michaelson intends to follow orders and re-turn to Earth, but Dr. Carmine has other plans and wrests control of the ship. A true flight of fancy that explores teamwork, bullying, and courage under pressure.

Note to Self, Aitkin High School, Aitkin, Minnesota (2012).

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ONE-ACT Ideal Cast Size (15-33) MIDDLE SCHOOL

The Lost Soul of Captain ComposureTim KochenderferComedy | 30-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book3 females, 5 males, 7 either (11-15 actors possible)

Pirate Captain Jack “Shortfuse” Composure thinks he’s gotten the best of a sassy mermaid when she offers him a fortune in exchange for his soul and he gives her an empty canteen instead. But the joke may be on the Captain when his soul turns up in the hands of the das-tardly Le Mew and his easily offended group of French sailors. Com-posure must decide whether to save his treasure and his own motley crew, or risk his life to keep his soul. Loosely based on Thornton Wild-er’s playlet Leviathan, this short play brings hilarity to the high seas!

Note to SelfBradley HaywardComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book15 either (8-100 actors possible)

Note to self: it’s not easy being a teenager. With the help of a rhyming chorus, ten teenagers bring their inner monologues to life in a series of hilarious and candid vignettes. From a cyber-stalking mom and a texting-related fender bender, to a turbocharged caffeine buzz in band class and a run-in with Elvis, it turns out that high school might not be such a breeze after all. These students quickly figure out that the notes they pass in class pale in comparison to the mental notes they make for themselves!

Harry’s Hotter at TwilightJonathan DorfComedy | 35-45 mins | $45.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 5 males, 4 either (10-35 actors possible)

This crazed mash-up parody of the Harry Potter and Twilight series (with nods to Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Alice in Wonderland, and other stars of the pop culture pantheon) features invisible rabbits, armies of babies, murderous lunatics, evil gourmets and much more. Hilarity ensues as everyone’s favorite wizards, vampires, and were-wolves battle to save the gloomy town of Spork — and indeed the world — from certain destruction at the hands of the nefarious Fine Diner and the bloodthirsty Euphoria.

Drama Geeks vs. Zombie CheerleadersKathryn WalatComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book11 females, 5 males (15-16 actors possible)

The Drama Club notices that their biggest rivals, the Cheerleaders, are acting unusual. They’re beginning to smell, and they seem to have an odd taste for human flesh... yup, they’ve turned into zombies. With the big Homecoming game approaching, Head Zombie-Cheerleader Peaches organizes her undead followers to plan a feast on the rest of the school. It’s up to the Drama Geeks to use their gift for dramatic flair to slay their rivals. Can a ragtag band of over-dramatic misfits defeat the zombies — and save the world — before it’s too late?

The Seussification of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (one-act)Peter BloedelComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 9 males, 7 either (20 actors possible)

The Bard’s most beloved comedy gets the full Seuss treatment in this playful adaptation. Two madcap Narrators chronicle the tale of the

mixed-up lovers as they wander through a forest full of whoosh bush tush beasts and fairies dueling with bumballoon swords. Told in rhyming couplets, this reimagining is how Shakespeare’s magical tale might have played if Dr. Seuss had gotten his hands on it... (A full-length version of this play is also available.)

Socking the OctopusKen PreussComedy | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book6 females, 4 males, 10 either (10-20 actors possible)

For Hannah, writing a play for a zany contest is like trying to put socks on an octopus: almost impossible! She needs the help of her best friends, Isabel and Darin, and a full cast of wonderfully weird characters — from a narcoleptic mermaid to a doomed dead king — to get the job done. Will they be able to include every one of the contest’s demands in time to submit the play? Not if the Octopus has anything to say about it! This fast-paced and hilarious short is strangely satisfying and satisfyingly strange.

Waking Sleeping BeautyRoss Mihalko & Donna SwiftComedy | 35-40 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book10 females, 3 males, 7 either (13-27 actors possible)

Everyone is invited to the party celebrating the birth of the new prin-cess — everyone, that is, except Mathilda, an oddball fairy notorious for her snorting laugh, mismatched socks, and terrible gifts. Sure enough, when she shows up anyway to present an enchanted spinning wheel, it turns out to be cursed, causing Princess Aurora to fall into an enchanted sleep until she’s awakened by true love’s kiss. Will Mathilda find the princess’s true love, Prince Fauntleroy, in time to awaken her, or will the plans of his jealous brother Prince Balderdash prevail?

The Hamlet Thrill-ma-geddon (one-act)Don ZolidisComedy | 35-45 mins | $40.00 per perf, $7.99 per book7 females, 7 males, 15 either (14-47 actors possible)

To sell out or not to sell out? Not really much of a question. After their budget is slashed, the drama club turns to Shakespeare’s greatest tragedy to raise cash, but it’s not tickets that are going to fund this year’s show: It’s sweet, sweet corporate sponsorship and mid-play commercial advertising. The sponsors demand changes in the stodgy old script, but who cares if Shakespeare never wrote musical numbers with back-up dancers or post-apocalyptic zombie battles? He’s dead and he can’t complain. Or sue. A lightning-quick, hilarious perversion of the greatest play in the English language. (A full-length version of this play is also available.)

For Feet’s SakeKrista KnightComedy/Drama | 25-35 mins | $35.00 per perf, $7.99 per book20 females, 13 males (15-53 actors possible)

In this funny, poignant take on the classic tale of The Little Mermaid, Thessaly, the youngest of five mermaid sisters, yearns to visit the sur-face. When she finally gets her wish, she falls in love with a human prince, and makes a bargain with a witch that will allow her to be hu-man too. But there’s a deadly catch — if she doesn’t marry the prince, she’ll become sea foam, caught between land and water forever. Fea-turing a narrator-Emcee, a frustrated Mer-King, and a location-creat-ing Chorus, this reimagining offers comic, tragic, and surprising twists on a familiar story.

MIDDLE SCHOOL FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (8-22)

Full-Lengths








12-year-old New Yorker Vita has her heart set on playing Helen of Troy in the school musical. After all, her mother is a Greek translator, so Vita knows the story better than anyone! But when the pretty Helen McGuire is cast instead, Vita’s dreams of stardom — and of her ab-sent father coming home to see her in the show — begin to dim. Even though her role has only one line, Vita holds onto her dreams, and soon, it seems that her luck may change. But will her star shine bright enough to guide her father home? This charming and big-hearted mu-sical brings a new twist to a classic tale.

We’ll be better laterLaura JacqminDark Comedy | 40-60 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book8 females, 1 male, 12 either (21-27 actors possible)

At a detention camp and reform institution for internet-addicted and online-obsessed teenagers, a revolution is brewing. Forced to make small talk and forbidden from all electronics, the inmates are misera-ble — Brendon and Beatrice can’t follow soccer stats, Fiona can’t kick butt in her fantasy MMORPG, Kristina can’t design ideal outfits, Sari can’t immerse herself in Japanese culture, and Macayla can’t over-come her shyness. When the newest addition, algebra-loving oddball Lauren, is abandoned here by her parents, she unwittingly starts a re-volt against the camp General and his Minions. Now it’s up to the out-casts to prove that socially awkward doesn’t mean socially hopeless.

The Odyssey: by Thespis and the Peloponnesian Midwest Regional Third Place ChorusWill AverillComedy | 50-75 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book9 females, 3 males, 10 either (20-60 actors possible)

The Peloponnesian Midwest Regional Chorus is tired of placing last in every competition with their ho-hum renditions of heroic myths. Enter Thespis, with a risky idea to cure the Chorus’s recitation-relat-ed woes: a full theatrical production! With the help of his buddies — Directus, Settius, Propius, Costumius, and of course, the benevolent Greek Gods — Thespis takes the chorus’s version of The Odyssey from just-OK to jaw-droppingly amazing.

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Helen on 86th St.: School Edition, The American Theatre of Actors New York, NY (2011). Photo: Greg Holmes


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FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (25-45) MIDDLE SCHOOL


To sell out or not to sell out? Not really much of a question. After their budget is slashed, the drama club turns to Shakespeare’s greatest trag-edy to raise cash, but it’s not tickets that are going to fund this year’s show: It’s sweet, sweet corporate sponsorship and mid-play commer-cial advertising. The sponsors demand changes in the stodgy old script, but who cares if Shakespeare never wrote musical numbers with back-up dancers or post-apocalyptic zombie battles? He’s dead and he can’t complain. Or sue. A lightning-quick, hilarious perversion of the greatest play in the English language. (A one-act version of this play is also avail-able.)







Christmas Flexible Casting Monologue Musical

More middle school plays at playscripts.com/middle



The Top Job!Book & Lyrics by Robin Moyer Chung, Music by Brian FeinsteinMusical for young audiences | 45-60 mins 3 females, 4 males, 4 either (7-17 actors possible)

It’s career day at school and everyone’s parents have really cool jobs...except for Jenna’s. Already shy, Jenna can’t bear to tell the oth-er kids that her dad changes light bulbs for a living. But when she goes to work with her dad for a day in New York City, Jenna discovers that he might just have the coolest job of all, and she might just have the confidence to speak up about it. This fantastically funny family-friendly musical shows just how “top” a top job can be!




12-year-old New Yorker Vita has her heart set on playing Helen of Troy in the school musical. After all, her mother is a Greek translator, so Vita knows the story better than anyone! But when the pretty Helen McGuire is cast instead, Vita’s dreams of stardom — and of her absent father coming home to see her in the show — begin to dim. Even though her role has only one line, Vita holds onto her dreams, and soon, it seems that her luck may change. But will her star shine bright enough to guide her father home? This charming and big-hearted musical brings a new twist to a classic tale.





Theater for Young Audiences

The Elevator Family, Columbus Children's Theatre, Columbus, OH (2011). Photo: William Goldsmith



College





Po Boy TangoKenneth LinDrama | 80-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 1 male (3 actors possible)

A Taiwanese immigrant enlists an African-American soul food chef to help him recreate his mother’s Great Banquet, as a wedding gift to his daughter. Though the two share a bond in their passion for food and love of their children, their connection also brings to light resentments from ten years past — when a child was saved, but a friendship was lost. Winner, TCG Edgerton Foundation New American Play Award (2008)

Get What You NeedJessica GoldbergDrama | 90-115 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 2 males (4-7 actors possible)

In 1979, Joni and Eddie are struggling to get by: their daughter has severe allergies, the world is in political upheaval, and cash is very tight. But things look like they might turn around when their old college friend, Arthur, shows up with a life-changing opportunity that requires the couple to reexamine their values. When Arthur returns twenty-five years later, Joni and Eddie may have achieved their own American Dream but at the cost of a long-held secret.

Oliver Parker!Elizabeth MeriwetherBlack Comedy | 75-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 2 males (4 actors possible)

An unlikely and uncomfortable friendship exists between old-man alco-holic Jasper and socially awkward 17-year-old Oliver Parker. Living in squalor in a decrepit New York apartment owned by Oliver, Jasper just wants to be left alone — but Oliver, determined to use the apartment in his quest to get laid, loses patience with his pathetic existence very quickly. Shady dealings involving a grieving politician and her ambitious assistant Agnes only increase the tension between them, and soon bur-ied shame and secrets bubble to the surface. Sharply funny and keenly tragic, Oliver Parker! is anything but a typical coming-of-age story.


Summer, 1917. Essex, England. Back from the war, Captain Arthur Hast-ings convalesces at Styles Court. But when the lady of the house suspi-ciously dies, the tranquil manor turns treacherous. The cause is murder and the killer could be anyone: her unappealing new husband, her ne’er-do-well son, the blunt female groundskeeper, even the local toxicologist. Enter Hercule Poirot, Belgian refugee and detective extraordinaire, who applies his famous brain to the seemingly unsolvable mystery. A cunning stage adaptation of the novel that launched Agatha Christie’s career.

Bass for PicassoKate Moira RyanComedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5 actors possible)

Food writer Francesca’s dinner party features famous recipes from the Alice B. Toklas Cookbook, along with a guest list that’s an almost certain recipe for disaster. It includes Pilar, a multilingual art detective with visa problems; Bricka, a lesbian widow with a child and custo-dy-seeking Republican in-laws; Joe, an OB/GYN whose lover is a disoriented drug addict; and Kev, a playwright who has written a soon-to-open play about...all of them. A hilarious, irreverent look at gay and lesbian life in the new millennium.

A Beginner’s Guide to DeicideQui Nguyen & Robert Ross ParkerComedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5-15 actors possible)

A young Catholic schoolgirl named Lucy launches an unholy crusade to undo the biggest mistake ever made: human existence. Bolstered by a mighty battle axe and her brilliant but nerdy sister Mary, Lucy conducts a merciless murder spree backwards through time, lopping off the heads of great religious thinkers from Darwin to Dante in her mission to find God and destroy him — before he can create the tor-ment of life as we know it. Nominated for Best Choreography/Movement, New York Innovative Theatre Awards


FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (4-5)COLLEGE

The Diary of a Teenage GirlMarielle HellerDrama | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-9 actors possible)

Expulsion, a drunken mother, drug abuse, and an affair with her mom’s boyfriend: these are the elements that make up fifteen-year-old Minnie’s life as she grows up in the chaos of the 70s. But Minnie is incredibly bright and self-reflective, and narrates her story in her diary with brutally honest words and drawings. This acclaimed adaptation of Phoebe Gloeckner’s graphic novel sparkles with wit, curiosity, and optimism despite the loneliness and abuse that Minnie encounters. A poignant look into an ugly adolescence.

Family Life: Three Brutal ComediesWendy HammondBlack Comedies | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-8 actors possible)

By turns revolting and hilarious, Family Life: Three Brutal Comedies is not your typical family fare. Tackling all issues of dysfunction, from emotional abuse to suicide, this set of three one-act plays looks at familial relationships with an eye for the absurd, fantastical, and hu-morously bleak. Includes Minna and the Space People, Mom and the Razor Blades and The Transmogrification.

Jack’s Precious MomentSamuel D. HunterBlack Comedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 3 males, 1 either (5 actors possible)

A video of Iraqi insurgents beheading Jack Lewis has just been released over the Internet. Back home in Idaho, his fundamentalist Christian fam-ily is trying to grieve while fending off the media. Jack’s widow Karen de-cides to seek answers at the holiest place she knows: the Precious Mo-ments Chapel in Carthage, Missouri. Along for the ride are Jack’s father and his brother Bib, who is dealing with his own mounting spiritual crisis. With the help of a teardrop-eyed angel and a carnie named Chuck, the Lewis family struggles to understand what exactly they’ve lost.

‘Twas The NightRobert FordHoliday Play | 90-105 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 3 males (5 actors possible)

It’s Christmas Eve, 1954, and the cast of Wally K’s Variety Hour is about to perform their final radio show. Star Joey Preston is leaving Chicago to reprise his role in the radio show’s most popular segment on TV in New York. But Joanna, Joey’s love interest both on and off the set, won’t be joining him due to the racial prejudices of the TV show’s producers. Meanwhile cast members Wally and Izzy are still grieving the tragic death of Larry, his best friend and her fiancé, three years before. Classic songs, heartfelt love stories, and the charm of old-fashioned radio combine in this wintertime comedy full of warmth and cheer.

What To Do When You Hate All Your FriendsLarry KunofskyComedy | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males (5-11 actors possible)

When Matt realizes that he hates all of his current friends, he finds himself pulled into a literal cult of new Friendship: that’s capital-F Friendship for capital-F Friends. Celia, a ringleader of the Friends, in-troduces him to a world of backstabbing Frenemies, point-based rank-ings, group shower parties, and passive-aggressive outsiders — and he’s a perfect fit. As Matt grows closer to Celia, they must overcome their mountainous hang-ups to become more-than-Friends. This hi-larious black comedy, narrated by a passive-aggressive outsider, is chock-full of cattiness, ludicrous quirks, and awkward obscenities — all of the frustrations and joys of human relationships.

The WoodpeckerSamuel Brett WilliamsComedy/Drama | 80-85 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 4 males (5 actors possible)

It’s Jimmy’s last day before going to war: he’s addicted to glue, his mom is seeing visions in the sweet potato casserole, and his wheelchair-bound dad can and will kick his butt. He turns to a higher power for answers, and finds an Ivory-billed Woodpecker instead. A dark comedy that explores family, faith, and freedom, while blurring the lines between black and white and right and wrong. The Helen Merrill Emerging Playwright Award

Alice in SlasherlandQui NguyenHorror Comedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 3 males (6-10 actors possible)

When young Lewis Diaz accidentally resurrects the soul of a brutally slain girl named Alice, he unwittingly unleashes a literal hell on Earth. Now, with every imaginable kind of demon, monster, and killer ravaging his small town, it’s up to Lewis and his newly undead companion to protect his classmates — including longtime crush Margaret — from becoming freshly slaughtered carcasses. With the help of Alice’s trash-talking demonic teddy bear, Lewis races to find a way to close the rift before the devil himself shows up and totally ruins their senior prom.



Collections of plays from some of the most renowned theater companies in the world. playscripts.com/anthologies


COLLEGEFULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (5-7)


The peaceful English countryside may never be the same after Bertie Wooster and his unflappable valet, Jeeves, pay a visit. What starts as a plan to pair tongue-tied, amphibian-loving Augustus Fink-Nottle and fan-ciful, poetry-loving Madeline Basset quickly goes awry. Soon, Bertie is fending off Madeline’s amorous advances, reluctantly participating in an attempted burglary, and fleeing attacks from a homicidal French chef. With the stakes this high, the solution must lie with the one and only Jeeves!

Smart CookieJulia BrownellComedy | 100-115 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 2 males (6-10 actors possible)

Socialite Cookie Walsh has the perfect life on the Upper East Side, the ideal family, and the answers to every problem. That is, until her son Spencer and his Spanish exchange student girlfriend come home from prep school with a big announcement. Cookie’s used to running the show, but strong-willed Ana isn’t letting her have her way — and it looks like this might be a mess she can’t just pay her way out of. Kendeda Graduate Playwriting Award (2008)

Trial By WaterQui NguyenDrama | 90-100 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book2 females, 4 males (5-7 actors possible)

Hung and his brother are forced to flee a war-ridden Vietnam to America. But what should be a lucky escape becomes more horrifying than they ever imagined when their boat breaks down in the middle of the ocean. Now Hung must fight to hold on to his humanity amid a desperate strug-gle to survive. Based on the real Vietnamese Bolinao crisis, this deeply affecting drama tells a harrowing tale with wit, humor, and utmost care.

Abraham Lincoln’s Big, Gay Dance PartyAaron LoebComedy | 110-120 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 4 males (7 actors possible)

Illinois schoolteacher Harmony Green has told her fourth grade class that Menard County’s most beloved homegrown hero, Abraham Lin-coln, was gay. When Honest Abe is “outed” in a reimagined Christmas pageant, controversy and chaos engulf the town. As the trial of the century begins, big-city reporters and Congressional candidates de-scend, and family skeletons are forced out of the closet. Top hats and beards abound in this hilarious, poignant, and timely look at prejudice past and present. Backstage Best of Theatre 2009, “Outstand-ing Play,” NY International Fringe Festival


When the Central Riverdale Amateur Players announce a new adap-tation of Pride and Prejudice, stage manager Sam has her hands full with a colorful array of community theatre misfits: a clueless director, an egotistical writer/choreographer/leading lady, a scorned diva, an overlooked veteran, and the town’s local druggie. But when Sam be-

gins to fall for the leading man, things really start to get complicated. This hilarious musical follows the group’s journey as they unwittingly butcher Jane Austen’s beloved classic, from chaotic auditions to cli-mactic pirate battle and tap-off. With a jazzy score and anachronisms galore, Austentatious is terrible theater at its absolute comedic best.


Extensively researched and beautifully constructed, this documenta-ry-style ensemble play recounts the life and lasting impact of ground-breaking LGBT activist and politician Harvey Milk, as told by the people who knew him best. Spoken word combines with multimedia and mu-sic as an ensemble cast moves in and out of the identities of real-world figures whose lives were forever altered by Milk’s too-short career. This spirited play reaffirms his impact and the continued relevance of his campaign towards equality, three decades after his assassination.

Vampire Cowboy TrilogyQui Nguyen & Robert Ross ParkerComedy | 80-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book3 females, 2 males, 2 either (7-25 actors possible)

This live comic book anthology contains three irreverent comedies that hilariously skewer well-beloved genres. Hard-boiled paranormal detective Jake Misco takes on the case of a mysterious stranger who is haunted by her dead husband; a Cold War-era crime-fighting duo struggles to save America from the throes of Communism while ques-tioning their own principles; and a teenage warrior princess named Tina must fight evil Zombie cheerleaders and the tedium of French class.

Children at PlayJordan SeaveyComedy/Drama | 100-110 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 4 males (8 actors possible)

It’s Morgan’s first day at James Joyce Junior High School for Gifted and Talented Students, and she quickly befriends four fellow misfits: Chernobyl survivor Ana, struggling student Jeremy, and childhood friends Lacey and Lancelot. Sure, classes are hard, but they’re noth-ing compared to dysfunctional families, constantly fluctuating sexu-

Abraham Lincoln’s Big, Gay Dance Party, SF Playhouse, San Francisco, CA (2008). Photo: Zabrina Tipton


COLLEGE FULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (7-10)

ality, eating disorders, school violence, nuclear fallout, and — most dangerous of all — love. It’s five outcasts versus adolescence as the years go by and their lives become more and more complicated and intertwined. Eight actors play multiple parts in this dark and resonant comedy about the perils and frustrations of growing up. New York Innovative Theatre Award nominee



Nicky Goes GothElizabeth MeriwetherDark comedy | 60-70 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book5 females, 5 males (10 actors possible)

This darkly hysterical re-imagining of the Hilton heirs’ adolescence follows younger sister Nicky as she spirals into an existential crisis, much to the chagrin of her media-crazed sister Paris. When Nicky meets a goth kid from the suburbs, it’s love at first sight — but Par-is is determined to distract with wild parties, sexy clothes, and the help of her makeup artist and devoted follower Aaron. Aaron narrates an increasingly violent collision of lifestyles amid a backdrop of brain gibberish, cell phone cameras, and tenuous beauty in this bizarrely comic coming-of-age story.


Sympathy Jones dreams of being a super secret agent, but she’s stuck as a secretary...until, one day, a confidential file is accidental-ly left on her desk. When she discovers that the file contains infor-mation about a plot to overthrow the government, Sympathy seizes her chance for adventure and fame. But she soon realizes that trying to save the world against impossible odds is not nearly as glamor-ous as she thought it would be, and she certainly can’t do it alone. This delightful, 1960s-era musical is full of humor, self-discovery, and heart-pounding action.





Ajax in IraqEllen McLaughlinDrama | 70-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book7 females, 5 males (11-30 actors possible)

Past and present collide in Ellen McLaughlin’s mash-up of Sophocles’ classic tragedy Ajax with the modern-day war in Iraq. The play follows the parallel narratives of Ajax, an ancient Greek military hero, and A.J., a modern female American soldier, both undone by the betrayal of a commanding officer. Athena, goddess of war, coolly presides over the whole. Inspired by material collected from interviews with Iraq war veterans and their families, Ajax in Iraq explores the timeless struggle soldiers face in trying to make sense of war.






Carol is a selfless but lonely veterinarian who can easily reset a dog’s broken leg, yet can’t mend the broken ties with the people in her life. To compensate, she is cripplingly generous — allowing her employees to drain her wallet and her sister to run off with the love of her life. Alone in her office on Christmas Eve, Carol is visited by the ghosts of three


COLLEGEFULL-LENGTH Ideal Cast Size (11-16)

animals who whisk her on a journey into her past, present, and future to convince her to stand up for herself before it’s too late. A Christmas Carol is turned inside-out in this dark comedy with a light heart.

OedipusEllen McLaughlinDrama | 70-90 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book1 female, 6 males, 6 either (13-20 actors possible)



The Elliot family verges on financial ruin, and image-conscious patri-arch Sir Walter must rent their estate to avoid bankruptcy. His daughter Anne is surprised to learn who has taken the estate: the sister of Captain Wentworth, a man whose proposal she was persuaded to refuse years before. Then, Wentworth was a poor sailor with no social standing, but he has returned a rich and eligible officer. As they are thrown into one an-other’s company once again, Anne’s affection remains despite her lack of hope for any reconciliation. But when Wentworth begins to show signs of jealousy towards one of her suitors, she must summon the courage to seek out his true feelings. This movingly romantic adaptation of Jane Austen’s last novel brings a classic story of enduring love to the stage.

Tammy: A Coming of Age Story About a Girl Who is Part T-RexJulia WeissComedy | 100-120 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book6 females, 6 males, 4 either (16-24 actors possible)

Tammy is your average pre-teen. She has a crush on a popular jock. She wants to fit in with the cool crowd. Her parents and teachers just don’t get her. Oh, and she’s part T-Rex. Being different is never easy, but it gets a whole lot harder when your lunch is raw meat and you get muzzled every time you roar in math class. With the help of her best friend, Hope, Tammy struggles to keep her talons in check and her head held high. But can she learn to navigate the hallways of mid-dle school while governing her own prehistoric tendencies? A hilarious homage to growing up in the 90s.



The Seussification of A Midsummer Night’s DreamPeter BloedelComedy | 70-80 mins | $75.00 per perf, $8.99 per book4 females, 9 males, 7 either (20 actors possible)

The Bard’s most beloved comedy gets the full Seuss treatment in this playful adaptation. Two madcap Narrators chronicle the tale of the mixed-up lovers as they wander through a forest full of whoosh bush tush beasts and fairies dueling with bumballoon swords. Told in rhyming couplets, this reimagining is how Shakespeare’s magical tale might have played if Dr. Seuss had gotten his hands on it...


Marriage is an inevitable fact of life for the five Bennet sisters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. With the family estate entailed away to their closest male cousin, their only hope to advance in life is to find a rich and single man — and one has just arrived in the form of the very handsome and very well-off Charles Bingley. The kindhearted and beau-tiful Jane seems poised to make a match, but must contend with her overly zealous mother, his snobbish sister, and a slippery social ladder. And when Bingley’s taciturn friend Fitzwilliam Darcy shows an interest in the opinionated and spirited Elizabeth, the situation becomes more complicated than either of them expect. The fire and wit of Jane Austen’s classic 1813 romance shines through in this vibrant new adaptation.

Children at Play, CollaborationTown, The Living Theatre, New York City (2009). Photo: Jeanette Orlic

30 visit playscripts.com/discount to redeem your discount ALIEN MONSTER BOWLING LEAGUE

Playscripts Inc. Catalog FREE Script:

ALIEN MONSTER BOWLING LEAGUEMatthew Lopez

Cast of Characters | HUBBARD, a monster | SALLY, a monster | NELSON, an alien

AcknowledgmentsAlien Monster Bowling League was commissioned by and premiered at Ars Nova

(Jason Eagan, Artistic Director; Jeremy Blocker, Managing Director) as part of THE WII PLAYS, a collection of short plays by the Ars Nova Play Group,

opening February 1st, 2011, with the following cast and crew:

SALLY, Donnetta Lavinia Grays | HUBBARD, Andrew Garman | NELSON, Zach Shaffer

Director, Laura Savia | Lighting Design, Grant Yeager | Production Design, Dan ScullySound Design, Jorge Muelle | Costume Design, Tilly Grimes

To perform this play you must obtain performance rights at www.playscripts.com

START OF PLAY.

(A bowling alley in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The sound of balls striking pins is heard.)

(Offstage we hear a group of voices laughing and beer mugs clinking. Then HUBBARD storms on in a huff quickly followed by his wife, SALLY. They are both monsters.)

SALLY. Hey, hey, hey, calm down.HUBBARD. God, I can’t stand them!SALLY. Calm yourself.HUBBARD. All that trash talking.SALLY. It’s part of the game, you know that.HUBBARD. This is different.SALLY. Why? Because you’re not the one doing it?HUBBARD. No!SALLY. Yes.HUBBARD. No! They’re being mean about it. We don’t trash talk mean, we trash talk…you know, trashy. It’s all in good fun. This isn’t fun.SALLY. They’re just trying to get into your head and, you know what? It’s working.HUBBARD. Jerks.SALLY. Hey, come on now. Sit down.

(He obeys. She strokes his fur.)HUBBARD. Let’s just go home.SALLY. Go home? Are you crazy? Hubbard Grabowski does not run from a fight. Especially not on the lanes. This is your game, monster. Our kind have been dominating the Milwaukee Bowling League since anyone can remember and the Grabowskis are the royalty of Milwaukee Monsters. You’re the Bobby Kennedy of monster bowling.

HUBBARD. Just leave me alone.SALLY. What is going on with you?HUBBARD. I don’t want to talk about it.(He buries his face in his paws.)HUBBARD. I hate them.SALLY. I know. But they don’t matter.HUBBARD. If they didn’t matter, they wouldn’t be league champions.SALLY. They won’t be for long.HUBBARD. I wouldn’t count on that.SALLY. Hubb!HUBBARD. Everything was just fine. This was our thing, you know? Ours. We owned it. Nobody could beat us. Humans? Pft! They may have invented the game, but…well, you know.SALLY. Yeah.

(She laughs at the thought.)SALLY. It’s kind of pathetic, isn’t it?HUBBARD. I wouldn’t say pathetic. It’s sweet, the way they try.

(SALLY pretends to be a human, struggling mightily to lift a ball and chuck it down the lane. HUBBARD laughs, despite himself.)

HUBBARD. We were all so happy. Everyone getting along well. The humans didn’t mind losing to us as long as we weren’t eating them. Nobody was scared of us anymore. We fought for our place and we earned it through our hard work. And they respected us for it and no one could take that away from us. And then they come. One second we’ve never even heard of them. The next, they’re everywhere. You know my Pop said he can’t even get a tee time anymore down in Coral Gables, they’re all over the place? Everything we’ve worked for has just disappeared.SALLY. Nothing’s disappeared. You’re still the same awesome monster you always were.HUBBARD. Without a bowling trophy.SALLY. So get it back. Nothing about you has changed because

visit playscripts.com/discount to redeem your discount 31COPYRIGHT © MATTHEW LOPEZ 2011

they’ve arrived. It’s all in your head. And you know what you still have that those stupid aliens can never take away?HUBBARD. What?SALLY. Me.

(She wraps her arms around him then starts to squeeze his biceps.)

SALLY. And your big monster muscles.(He blushes and smiles sheepishly.)

HUBBARD. Come on, cut it out. Someone’s gonna see.SALLY. No one’s looking.Make a muscle for me.HUBBARD. No.SALLY. Do it.

(Reluctantly, he does.)SALLY. Who’s my big strong scary monster?

(No reply.)SALLY. Come on, Hub.

HUBBARD. (Quietly:) I’m your big strong scary monster.SALLY. What?HUBBARD. I’m your big strong scary monster.SALLY. Who has the most frightening roar of any monster in all of Milwaukee?HUBBARD. Not counting Peter Sawiski?SALLY. Not counting Peter Sawiski because he’s // originally from Akron and also half werewolf.HUBBARD. Because he’s originally from Akron and also half werewolf.SALLY. Who? [Has the most frightening roar of any monster in all of Milwaukee?]HUBBARD. Me.SALLY. You got that right! So who’s afraid to play tonight? Hubb?

(She pokes him in the ribs.)HUBBARD. I’m not.SALLY. No you are not!(She tickles him.)HUBBARD. Don’t tickle me.SALLY. Make me stop.HUBBARD. You know I can’t stand it.SALLY. Big bad monster, can’t take a tickle-wickle.

(They play fight, then canoodle.)(As this is happening, NELSON enters. He is an alien, slimy in every meaning of the word. He watches for a second.)

NELSON. Well isn’t that just sweet?(They quickly pull apart.)

NELSON. Hello, Hubbard.HUBBARD. (Through gritted teeth:) Nelson.NELSON. Interesting pre-game strategy you got there. Hope it brings you luck. You’re gonna need it.

(HUBBARD instantly tenses. SALLY holds him back.)SALLY. (Whispering in his ear:) Don’t let him get to you.NELSON. Nice to see you, too, Sally. Whoever’s doing your fur these days is a GENIUS.

(NELSON stretches.)NELSON. So here we are at the start of a new season. You think you’ve got what it takes to win your little trophy back?HUBBARD. We’ll see what we’ll see.NELSON. I hear you’ve been practicing all through the off-season. Imagine that: Hubbard Grabowski having to practice bowling. I couldn’t believe it when I heard it.HUBBARD. We all have to stay on top of our game.NELSON. Oh, that we do, Hub. That we do. Me? I actually got here a whole five minutes early to get just a bit more stretching in. I think

that’ll really improve my game. You know, me and my friend Kenny was just placing bets on how close to 900 each of us can get tonight. Care to join us?HUBBARD. No, Nelson, I don’t believe I would.NELSON. Oh, we’d handicap ya, don’t worry about that. We’d give you a good 100-point head start, if you want, before we start counting.HUBBARD. Again, thank you but no thank you.NELSON. Your funeral. I was just lookin’ to make this game interesting. Since we all know how it’s gonna end up.HUBBARD. It’s gonna end up with your head in a toilet if you—

(SALLY squeezes his arm.)HUBBARD. I left my wallet at home. Maybe next time.(NELSON surveys the lanes before him.)NELSON. God, I love this game. Don’t you, Hub?HUBBARD. Considering I’ve been playing it about a hundred years longer than you have, yes, I would say I do.NELSON. Aw, don’t be sore. Just because we were conquering planets while you were still coming out of your caves doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate all that you’ve taught us in the last—what has it been?—

(Checks his watch.)—three years? Funny. You’ve been playing this game almost a century—not to mention walking upright and speaking English—and we picked it up (Snaps.) like that. Well, everyone has his own pace, I guess. No shame in it.(NELSON looks out at the lanes again.)NELSON. This is a nice planet. A little small. I’m used to bigger. And I haven’t quite gotten used to the smell. But still, there’s a lot to be said for it. The first time I ate a Philly Cheese Steak just blew my mind. Both of them. Paris is a great little town. And aardvarks? Freaky. But bowling. That’s why we came here. We didn’t have these opportunities back home. Granted we did master interstellar travel around the time this planet was in the Pleistocene era. But bowling? Why didn’t we ever think of that?

(We hear the sound of a ball hitting pins.)Strike! Nice. Never get tired of that sound.

(He turns to face them.)Well, I’ll let you two get back to “preparing.”

(He snickers then starts to exit. He then stops, turns.)Hey, Hub…I ever tell you about the time I bowled a 301?

(Pronounces it “three hundred and one.”)HUBBARD. That’s impossible.NELSON. You ever hear of someone who bowled a 300 and didn’t win?

(Obnoxious laugh.)Feel free to use that one. You don’t even have to credit me.See you on the lanes, sucker.

(He snickers some more and exits.)(HUBBARD seethes then gets up and kicks something.)

SALLY. Easy, baby.HUBBARD. I wanna bash his green, pointy little face in!SALLY. Okay…HUBBARD. Did you hear that?SALLY. It’s not important.HUBBARD. It is important! Rubbing it in my face like that. That’s what they all do! Arrogant stupid slimy—SALLY. Nelson’s a jerk. You know this. You’ve got a game to win.HUBBARD. He’s right. We can’t beat them. They’re too…advanced.SALLY. Hubbard! Stop. Would you listen to yourself? Remember when we first came out of hiding? Remember how scared we all were? You were so brave. You said if we monsters are to survive as a race, we have to find ways to live with the humans, not scare the crap out of

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them. That was you, Hubbard Grabowski. “Out of kids’ closets and into the streets!” Remember?HUBBARD. Yeah.SALLY. You have so much to be proud of. And you can do this. They might have superior brains and everyone loves how they’ve improved science fiction movies but you are a monster, a beast of the lanes. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. And we wouldn’t have all those titles under our belts. These aliens, they’re a flash in the pan. Just wait ’til they decide they want to enslave the humans instead of impress them.HUBBARD. Yeah. That really surprised me that they didn’t get to that right away.SALLY. It’s only a matter of time. So you go out there and show them they might run the galaxy, but we monsters run the Holiday Lanes.

HUBBARD. Yeah!SALLY. Gimme a roar, big daddy.HUBBARD. Sally, people are watching.SALLY. Don’t be a wimp, be a monster. Roar for me.HUBBARD. (Barely even audible:) Roar.SALLY. That’s not a roar. Give it all you got.HUBBARD. (With a little more conviction:) Roar!SALLY. Blow their alien heads off!

(We fade to black as an enormous ROAR!!!!! echoes throughout the theatre, followed by the continued sounds of bowling matches.)

END OF PLAY.

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ALIEN MONSTER BOWLING LEAGUE

Coming Soon!

There’s An Alligator Under My Bed, A Nightmare In My Closet and Something In My Attic: Three Classics By Mercer Mayer

Music and Lyrics by Stuart Kenny, Book by James LarsonBased on the books by Mercer Mayer

© 1987 Mercer Mayer. All rights reserved.

The stories of three brave kids and three misunderstood monsters are brought to life in this winning musical adaptation of Mercer Mayer's beloved series. Discover the best way to out-smart an alligator, befriend a Nightmare, and lasso a great big Something — and even hear a tune from the alligator's point of view! For young children, the musical provides a wonderful introduction to these classic books, and gives their older siblings and parents a new way to enjoy their favorite childhood stories.

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Alien Monster Bowling League, Ars Nova, New York, NY (2011) Photo: Carol Rosegg

Documents

Playscripts, Inc. Catalog of New Plays & Musicals 2012 - 2013