Plus Lingo

Putting Positive Action Language into Practice

How Not To…

• “I have a need for peace and rest, so could you please stop being so irritating?”

• “When you take your books out of your schoolbag, please don’t throw them on the table.”

• “I have a need to be understood, so please don’t interrupt me when I’m talking.”

• “You’re always at the bar, but I have a need for companionship. Could you stop going there, please?”

• “Can you please stop walking around? I have a huge headache.”

How Not To…

• “As your child’s teacher, I need you not to interfere with my teaching methods.”

• “Every time I give your child detention, you keep him from coming. Please stop doing this!”

• “It would be better if you didn’t always come late to my class.”

• “You know what, my life would be so much richer if you didn’t tell me what to do constantly.”

• “I’m trying to watch Big Brother, could you please stop talking about politics?”

Because this might happen…

• The person addressed, not knowing how he or she is irritating, starts doing something completely different, which is also perceived as irritating to the addresser.

• The student doesn’t throw his books on the table anymore. In fact, he doesn’t even take them out either.

• Instead of interrupting the addresser, the other person stops listening and starts flipping through apps on his or her smartphone.

• The addressed person stops going to that bar, but starts going to a friend’s house to have fun.

• Instead of walking around, the addressed person starts practising his tuba skills.

Positive Action Language

• Communicating what you DO want people to do

• Not what you DON’T want people to do