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Positive Positive Communication:Communication:
Real Strategies ForReal Strategies For
Real LifeReal Life
Presented by:Presented by:
MCPS Employee Assistance ProgramMCPS Employee Assistance Program
240-314-1040240-314-1040
OutcomesOutcomes
Learn the STARR model for defusing Learn the STARR model for defusing conflictconflict
Review the physiological impact of stress Review the physiological impact of stress
Practice effective listening and speaking Practice effective listening and speaking skills skills
Experience stress management Experience stress management techniquestechniques
What Do We Mean byWhat Do We Mean by Defusing? Defusing?
Small Group ExerciseSmall Group Exercise
How was conflict handled inHow was conflict handled in
your family?your family?
How was conflict defused?How was conflict defused?
STARRSTARR PowerPower
SSTOPTOP and breathe and breathe
TTHINKHINK through your optionsthrough your options
AACTCT with positive with positive
communicationcommunication
RRESPECTESPECTyourself and the other person yourself and the other person
RREWARDEWARDtake care of yourselftake care of yourself
SStoptop
Take a Deep Take a Deep BreathBreath
TThink Before You Acthink Before You Act
Are you ready to listen ?Are you ready to listen ?
Are you labeling the person ? Are you labeling the person ?
How would you feel if you wereHow would you feel if you were in the other person’s shoes ?in the other person’s shoes ?
AAct with Positive ct with Positive
CommunicationCommunication
Active Listening Skills Active Listening Skills combine listening and talking combine listening and talking skills so that the other person skills so that the other person
feels understoodfeels understood
LISTENLISTENSILENTSILENT
Pop QuizPop Quiz Most of us are distracted about _____% of Most of us are distracted about _____% of
the time we think we are listening.the time we think we are listening.
Right after we listen to someone, we recall Right after we listen to someone, we recall about ______% of what he or she has said.about ______% of what he or she has said.
Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.
_____ % of our communication is conveyed _____ % of our communication is conveyed non-verbally.non-verbally.
*International Listening Association*International Listening Association
AnswersAnswers Most of us are distracted about Most of us are distracted about _75%_75% of the of the time we think we are listening.time we think we are listening.
Right after we listen to someone, we recall Right after we listen to someone, we recall about about __50%50% of what he or she has said. of what he or she has said.
Long-term, we recall Long-term, we recall 20%20% of what we hear. of what we hear.
70%70% of our communication is conveyed of our communication is conveyed non-verballynon-verbally
*International Listening Association*International Listening Association
Listening ExerciseListening Exercise
Active Listening Active Listening SkillsSkills
Body LanguageBody Language Door OpenersDoor Openers ParaphrasingParaphrasing ReflectingReflecting SummarizingSummarizing
BREAKBREAK
How do you start the How do you start the conversation ?conversation ?
You know, the conversations you worry about and put off?
““You” Messages vs “I” You” Messages vs “I” MessagesMessages
Why did you . . .?Why did you . . .? You You alwaysalways or or
never never . . .. . . Yeah, but you . . .Yeah, but you . . . It’s your fault!It’s your fault! How come you. . .?How come you. . .? You made me You made me
angry angry
I hear . . .I hear . . . I feel . . .I feel . . . I assume . . .I assume . . . I want . . .I want . . . I need . . . I need . . . I don’t understandI don’t understand Do you mean . . .?Do you mean . . .?
Use Use ““II”” Messages Messages
I feel or think ___________________I feel or think ___________________ when __________________________when __________________________ because _________________________.because _________________________.
I get frustrated when plans are made I get frustrated when plans are made without checking with me first because I without checking with me first because I feel like you don’t care.feel like you don’t care.
““YouYou” ” StatementsStatements
1.1. Why did you cut me off in the meeting? Why did you cut me off in the meeting?
2.2. It isn’t my fault that you don’t have all of It isn’t my fault that you don’t have all of the necessary documents with you.the necessary documents with you.
3.3. You complain about You complain about everyevery little thing I do little thing I do and never seem satisfied with my work.and never seem satisfied with my work.
4.4. You make me so mad because you You make me so mad because you nevernever
do anything around the house to help me.do anything around the house to help me.
Red FlagRed Flag
Why, butWhy, but Problem,Problem, You have toYou have to You should have done X earlier,You should have done X earlier, Unfortunately, there is reallyUnfortunately, there is really
nothing I can donothing I can do What they told you was incorrectWhat they told you was incorrect
The Top Ten Things to Say to The Top Ten Things to Say to Make an Angry Person AngrierMake an Angry Person Angrier
1.1. Calm down. Calm down. 2.2. That's not my problem.That's not my problem.3.3. You're too sensitive.You're too sensitive.4.4. Just shut up for a minute.Just shut up for a minute.5.5. You’ve got to be kidding!You’ve got to be kidding!6.6. I just have to think of myself right now.I just have to think of myself right now.7.7. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?Don’t you think you’re overreacting?8.8. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.You’re making a big deal out of nothing.9.9. That’s what YOU think!That’s what YOU think!10.10. Like Like YOU’REYOU’RE perfect! perfect!
Stick to the FactsStick to the Facts
Focus on the issueFocus on the issue
Be specific about what you Be specific about what you havehave
observedobserved
Describe behaviors, not Describe behaviors, not personal personal
characteristicscharacteristics
Green FlagGreen Flag
““Is this a good time for you?”Is this a good time for you?” What, how What, how Let’s, weLet’s, we I am sorry you’re upset”/ I apologizeI am sorry you’re upset”/ I apologize Let me find someone who can help youLet me find someone who can help you Thank you for your opinion. I’ll think Thank you for your opinion. I’ll think
about it”about it”
RRespectespect
Respect Yourself and Respect Yourself and the Other Personthe Other Person
RReward!eward!
Yourself . . .Yourself . . .
DEEP BREATHINGDEEP BREATHING
Biodot Color KeyBiodot Color KeyMore Relaxed
Less Relaxed
MCPS EAPMCPS EAP
Assessment, short term Assessment, short term counseling,counseling,
and referraland referral
Confidentiality/recordsConfidentiality/records
Other services: workshops, crisis Other services: workshops, crisis responseresponse
Access point for mediationAccess point for mediation
Alternative DisputeAlternative Dispute Resolution Resolution
Mediation as an optionMediation as an option
CRCMCCRCMC
MCPS Dispute ResolutionMCPS Dispute Resolution ProgramProgram
Thanks for coming!Thanks for coming!
For more information about the EAP, For more information about the EAP, contact us at contact us at 240-314-1040240-314-1040
or visit our website ator visit our website atwww.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eapwww.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eap