Positive parentingPresented by: Marie Hirst

Acknowledgement of Country

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

Outline of the session:

• What children need to know and learn

• Teaching skills to help them get along and behave

• What about when they lose control?

• Know thyself

• Getting help

Before we start…..

• Participation

• Self care

• Confidentiality

People with no kids don’t know……

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPZyLTvF_Zs

Think about your child or if you have several select a child to focus on:

What are you enjoying about your child right now?

What are you finding challenging about your child right now?

Developmental stagesChildren 2-5 years

• Communicating likes and dislikes

• Expressing ideas, wants and needs

• Finding self control and waiting difficult

• Tantrums

Children 5- 12years

• Growing independence

• Pushing boundaries

• Pester power

• Wanting to fit in

But why don’t they listen and do as I ask?

The reality

Children are not always able to:

• Understand your reasons

• Sit still, wait, share, or control their feelings

• Stop themselves from doing what their impulses tell them

• Cope with change and new expectations

How do children develop positive behaviour?

Social and emotional skills are important.

When children have good social and emotional skills they can:

• Recognise and respond appropriately to feelings in self and others

• Manage friendships

• Solve problems and resolve conflict

• Feel positive about themselves

What are social and emotional skills?

1. Self Awareness

2. Social Awareness

3. Self-management

4. Responsible decision making

5. Relationship skills

Why are social and emotional skills important?

Children who have good social and emotional skills are more likely to:

• Have better academic outcomes

• Be able to regulate their behaviour

• Cope with life’s ups and downs

• Have better, more satisfying relationships

• Have good mental health and wellbeing

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

How do we learn social and emotional skills?

• Skills are taught and learned

• Positive relationships with key adults

• Observation and copying

• Everyday interactions

• Trial and error

What can parents and carers do?

Create strong foundations:

• Love and acceptance

• Spend time connecting, having fun!

• Create a sense of belonging in your family

• Routine and predictability

• Encouragement to explore and try new things

• Set limits for behaviour

Helping your child learn to manage emotions

• Tune in

• Notice and name feelings

• Help them organise their feelings

• All feelings are ok

• Try to understand what might be behind behaviours

• Provide coaching and reassurance

• Label your own feelings

• Demonstrate strategies – talk out loud

What about when they lose control?

• Wait – brain flip

• Connect – time in

• Name it to tame it (Dan Siegal)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcDLzppD4Jc

• Listen, acknowledge, reflect

• Don’t problem solve too soon!

You cant teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better they behave better.

What is your parenting super power?

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC

When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, its our job to share our calm…..not to join their chaos.

L.R. Knost

Try to stay calm

• Pay attention to your own responses

• Slow your breathing

• Relax your muscles

• Take a short break if possible

• Let it go once its dealt with

• Self care

Monitor your own thoughts

He’s doing this deliberately

She is so manipulative

What a selfish brat!

I’m going to…..

Avoid….

• Losing control, yelling, screaming

• Scare or threaten them

• Intimidate

• Deliberately distress them with what you say

• Frighten them by leaving them alone or in time out too long

Parentline 13 22 89

Give positive feedback

• Be specific

• Explain why their behaviour was helpful

• Praise effort, determination, bravery etc. - not just outcomes

Using rewards and consequences

Rewards

• Ok to use occasionally for specific behaviours

• Consider using ‘special activities’ rather than material or monetary rewards

Consequences

• Appropriate to the issue

• Not long after the event (same day is useful)

• Enforceable

Key principles• Children are people too

• High emotions and tantrums are NOT a sign of bad parenting or bad kids

• Outbursts are an opportunity for learning (kids and parents)

• Learning takes time and effort

• Be ‘good enough’

• You’ve got this…..and so do they!

Where can I get help?

• GP/Paediatrician/ Maternal and Child Health

• Parentline 13 22 89

• Psychology on Parade

104, Douglas Parade, Williamstown

Tel: 9397 0977

email: admin@psychologyonparade.com.au

Useful resources:Books:

• How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

(Faber and Mazlish)

• The whole brain child

(Siegel and Payne)

• Raising an emotionally intelligent child

(Gottman)

Websites:

www.raisingchildren.net.au

www.cyh.com

www.zerotothree.org