Potent Parenting Dr. Steven Craig & Dr. Ronna Smith-Craig
Craig Counseling Services Birmingham, MI
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What are we going to cover today? Ideas about developing a
philosophy or guideline for parenting Various parenting approaches
A specific method for thinking about your parenting approach
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WHAT IS PARENTING? Parenting is the process of promoting and
supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual
development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
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Importance of having a goal or philosophy of parenting Gives
you a guide for the long-term Helps you to not just to REACT to
behavior and situations Helps you be CONSISTENT in your
parenting
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THERE ARE MANY COMMON PARENTING APPROACHES
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Spiritual Parenting Model Respect the child's individuality
Make space for the child to develop a sense of their own beliefs
Focuses on the childs individual personality and their own
potential
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Slow Parenting Model Less planning and organizing for children
Allow children to enjoy their childhood Explore the world at their
own pace
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Strict Parenting Authoritarian approach Places strong value on
discipline Focuses on preparing children to survive and thrive in a
harsh world
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Attachment Parenting Model Seeks to create strong emotional
bonds Avoids physical punishment and accomplishes discipline
through interactions Recognizes a child's emotional needs Focuses
on holistic understanding of the child
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No One Method Fits All Your parenting approach will depend on:
Your childs temperament, interests, skills, motivations Your (and
your co-parents) temperament, motivations and your own comfort
levels Your family situation
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A Tale of Two Boys Part One
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A Tale of Two Boys Part Two
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Provide for a childs physical needs Protect them from harm
Teach skills and cultural values Traditional, basic goal of
parenting:
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Provide for a childs physical needs Protect them from harm
Teach skills and cultural values Traditional, basic goal of
parenting: Stand up for themselves Manage their emotions Live
according to values Become independent, compassionate adults So
that they can:
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Provide for a childs physical needs Protect them from harm
Teach skills and cultural values Traditional, basic goal: Stand up
for themselves Manage their emotions Live according to values
Become independent, compassionate adults So that they can: Thrive
in the real world And eventually:
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Beneficial Parental Behaviors We know children benefit when
their parents: Communicate honestly and give clear explanations
Stay CONSISTENT Provide structure, routines, and clear expectations
Use community resources Take an active interest in child's
educational and early developmental needs Have a strong awareness
of what child is doing/learning and how it affects them
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Approaches to Discipline Rules of traffic Instructional
approach Parents explain how to behave with little explanation of
deeper moral and social implications Fine gardening Belief that
children have positive and negative qualities Parents "weed out" or
"prune away negative qualities.
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Approaches to Discipline (continued) Reward and punishment
Desired behavior reward or praise Unwanted behavior punishment or
reprimand Concerted cultivation Foster children's talents through
organized leisure activities Parents challenge their children to
think critically and to speak properly and frequently, especially
with other adults.
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SOME PARENTING SPECTRUMS Rules/Expectations Spectrum
Involvement Spectrum
Authoritarian Style Authoritarian Parenting Style Attributes
Demands obedience Results in punishment Roles and expectations are
rigid Children have little input Patriarchal style Children raised
according to this style often: Are moody, unfriendly, unhappy
Exhibit undesirable behaviors Have problems in social situations
and in school
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Permissive Style Permissive Parenting Style Attributes Little
structure, few rules Parents lenient toward misbehavior Children
set the roles, rules and expectations Parents avoid conflict with
children Punishment rarely used to enforce rules and expectations
Children raised according to this style are often: Impulsive
Aggressive Rebellious Underachieving
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Authoritative Style Authoritative Parenting Style Attributes
Clear roles and expectations Children are allowed input Reason and
authority used, but childs perspective is considered Parents
monitor instead of rule Children raised according to this style
often: Are energetic Exhibit self-reliance Strive to achieve
Rejecting Parenting Characteristics of Rejecting Parents Parent
REJECTS the role of parenting Fails to pay attention to the childs
needs Too involved meeting own needs and wants Children raised
according to this style often: Feel unwanted Develop serious
psychological problems Are underachieving
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Over-Involved Parenting Characteristics of Over-involved
Parents Hovering (Helicopter Parent) Fail to allow child to make
decisions or meet their own needs Interrupt childs ability to
function independently Children raised according to this style are
often: Dependent Anxious Underachieving
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Involved Parenting Characteristics of Involved Parents Balanced
style Parents meet childs needs Allow child responsibility for
age-appropriate self- care and personal growth Attentive to child
Do not do for child what he/she is capable of doing for self
Children raised according to this style often: Tend to be
respectful of self and others Tend to have resourceful
behavior
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QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS Approaches to Parenting
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ONE MODEL OF PARENTING A spectrum of roles
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Spectrum of Involvement ObserverConsultantManagerDirector Least
Most Roles of a Parent
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Appropriateness of Parents Role Changes With the age of your
child With safety/seriousness of given situation ObserverConsultant
Manager Director Minor hassle...Major disaster
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ObserverConsultant Manager Director Least involved form of
parenting Trust childs ability to handle given situation Most
appropriate for competent kids with non-urgent problems Child
learns within "safe" circumstances Sympathetic listening No
unwanted advice, as long as circumstances remain "safe"
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ObserverConsultantManagerDirector Parent's advice may be
accepted or rejected by child Use when child has some competence,
but mistakes could be more seriously or permanently harmful to self
or others Not appropriate when child doesn't have the option to
reject advice Parent shouldn't repeat "advice" over and over
Helpful to get child to "buy into" receiving advice beforehand
Helpful to set the stage before offering advice
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ObserverConsultant Manager Director More intrusive parenting
role Use when child needs step-by-step help with a problem or
situation Allow child input in the problem-solving process and/or
choices made Active listening is still important ObserverDirector
This role may also involve the roles of Observer or Director at
times
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Most intrusive form of parenting -- The Buck Stops Here Choose
when: A problem is serious enough Safety is a major concern The
problem directly and seriously violates someone else's rights
Observer Consultant Manager Director
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Requires: Clear thinking Emotional self-control on your part
Hard work Clear limits and clear consequences Use less frequently
with older children ObserverConsultant Manager Director