Dealing with Difficult, Demanding and Demeaning People

Dorinda HarmonCollege of Charleston

SACRAO 2011

Angering… Annoying… PIA…Disruptive…

Embarrassing …Trying… Pushing Buttons …Miserable…Rude…

Cruel… Hateful…Hostile…Mean… Unfair… Energy Zapper… Hurtful … Unbearable… Destructive …

Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you’ll be criticized anyway.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Who Are These People and Where Do They Come From?• Why Are They So Angry ?• What Has Set Them Off ?• Why Are They Taking It Out On

Me ?• How Can I Get Rid of Them ?• Is this a Pattern or a One Time

Happening ?

Who Are They?•Parents•Students•Community

Why Do They Act Like This?• Personality Traits

•Controllers•Negatives•Self Boosters•Glory Seekers•Revenge

• Their difficult life/work conflicts or situation

What Brings These Behaviors On?• Parents

•Control, misplaced caring/fear• Student

•Confusion, fear, pressure• Community

•Misinformation, control, lack of resources for resolution of issues

Why Take It Out On Me?• You are available• Seen as someone who should

be able to resolve it• You get paid to resolve it• Need to vent / control / boost• Are you a victim, instigator ?

Calming an Angry Person

• Calm Down• That’s Not My Fault• You’re way out of line• It you just hold on, I’ll transfer

you to…

• yellow reference link # 1

Managing You

• Choose a Win-Win attitude• Give “customers” your

undivided attention• Learn to handle criticism with

class

yellow reference link # 1

Getting Promoted: Real Strategies for Advancing Your Career

Harry Chambers

• Depersonalize the criticism• Assertively restate comments

for clarification• Seek guidance• Process the input• Review progress-seek follow-up

What Can I Do? Parents • Listen• Is there a reasonable issue ?• Look for calm resolution• Do not pass along without

attempting to alleviate • Use knowledge to avoid /

improve future• Call on the next level

What Can I Do? Students

• Listen• Provide options and

information• Do not just hand off the

problem• Try to resolve the issues

What Can I Do? Community• Listen• Clarify the issue (s)• Consider options and resources• Put the issue, not yourself, as

the focus• Call in reinforcements

Resources:<a ref="http://careers.stateuniversity.com/pages/100000264/People-Management-Dealing-With-Difficult-People.html">People Management - Dealing With Difficult People</a>Rise Above the Fray: Dealing With Difficult People at WorkSome People Are Difficult PeopleBy Susan M. Heathfield, About.com GuideWhen Options for Dealing with Difficult People Don't WorkBe Prepared to Change JobsBy Alison Doyle, About.com GuideWorking with Difficult People: Seven Types of Difficult PeopleWorking with Difficult People. bullet Seven Types of Difficult People. bullet ABC's of Conflict Resolution. bullet Scenarios. bullet Resources ...literacy.kent.edu/salt_fork/work_people/7types.htmlWorking With Difficult People Feels Like Getting Pinched by aLobster Claw! Oregon School Boards AssociationGreg McKenzie - gmckenzie@osba.orgTips for Negotiating with Difficult PeopleGina Covell Maddox, Yahoo! Contributor NetworkApr 8, 2010