PRACTICING MINDFULNESS IN EVERYDAY LIFE€¦ · Re search suggests that mindfulness can improve your mood; reduce negative thinking; and ease stress, anxiety, and depression. It can

PRACTICING MINDFULNESS IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Mindfulness is “the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment — and accepting it without judgment,” a recent report by Harvard Health Publications said. It is a relaxed way

of eliminating distractions and focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and actions as they occur. Some experts say that mindfulness is “the opposite of multitasking” — doing two or more things at once — because it involves doing one thing at a time. Research suggests that mindfulness can improve your mood; reduce negative thinking; and ease stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also help enhance productivity, concentration, and creativity. Here are some ways to practice mindfulness every day:

Practicing Mindfulness in Everyday Life 1 – 2

Building a Good Relationship with Your Teenager 3 – 4

Sharing Caregiving Responsibiities 5 – 6

Quick Tips for Managing Stress 7

IN THIS ISSUE:

Q2 NEWSLETTER | 2016

• Limit multitasking. As much as you can, do one thing at a time and give it your full attention. Avoid switching back and forth between tasks. Keep in mind the words of the psychologist Mary Pipher, who says in her book Seeking Peace: “A very simple definition of mindfulness is doing one thing at a time.”

• Spend some time each day alone in mindful meditation. Sit quietly in a place where people, tasks, and noises won’t distract you. Focus on your breathing, inhaling and exhaling evenly. Thoughts will inevitably arise, but simply observe your thoughts without judging them. You may want to consider choosing a “mantra,” a word that you associate with feeling relaxed, such “calm” or “peace,” and say the word you’ve chosen when you exhale. Breathing evenly while repeating your mantra can help you eliminate distractions and stay aware of the moment.

• Practice mindfulness when you’re with others. Listen closely to people, whether they are new acquaintances, close friends, or relatives, and try not to interrupt. Focus on what others are saying — not on what you want to say next.

• Unplug your devices. Turn off your television, cell phone, tablet, or laptop so they won’t distract you from your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Or keep your gadgets in a room where you can’t see or hear them.

• Use all five of your senses. Let yourself see, hear, touch, taste, and smell your world. Take a few moments to sniff an orange, notice its color, and feel its texture before you peel it. Eat it slowly. Observe your reactions. Does the orange have a different taste or bring more pleasure when you take time to savor it? Or sit outdoors with your eyes closed. Notice the sounds of birds, the scent of the flowers, the

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feel of the breeze on your skin, and the sounds of the birds. Try to stay in the present moment instead of dwelling on what has happened in the past or may happen in the future. Using all of your senses will make you more aware of your surroundings and may make you appreciate them more.

• Try progressive muscle relaxation. This technique may help if physical tension makes it hard for you to practice mindfulness. Sit or lie down in a quiet place. Then tense and relax different muscle groups one at a time. Start by holding out your right arm, making a fist, and tensing your arm and fist for a slow count of 10. Then relax your arm and fist for a slow count of 10. Repeat with your left arm. Then do the same with your legs, stomach, and other muscle groups.

• Be patient with yourself. Avoid judging or criticizing yourself if practicing mindfulness is difficult for you at first. If you’re like most people, it can be a challenge to stay in the moment if you’re used to multitasking. Stick with the process, if only for a few minutes a day. With regular practice it will get easier over time.

• Look into books, DVDs, and other resources on mindfulness. Explore a variety of approaches to mindfulness if you don’t find one that works for you right away. You can find many good books and DVDs on mindfulness at bookstores, libraries, and online. If you have found a technique that has helped you, these same resources can help you build on that technique to further develop your practice of mindfulness.



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BUILDING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR TEENAGER

Adolescence is a voyage of discovery. On this journey your teenager must deal with his changing body, strong (and often scary) feelings about sex, and a desire to rebel against authority — yours included. At

the end of this stage of life, he will have become someone who knows and lives by his own values. He will probably also be someone who respects and enjoys you, who holds many of the ideals you do, and who wants you to be involved in his life. You can help your teenager through this important time of life by listening to his concerns, negotiating fairly, accepting that you can’t control every aspect of his life, and learning to relax and take some things less seriously. You’ll also need to find new ways to support your teenager and show that — even if these years are sometimes difficult for both of you — you will always love and support him.

• Enjoy and appreciate your teenager. Take time to observe her good qualities and tell her how you feel: “I love to hear you sing,” for example, or “I admire you for being so supportive of your friends.”

• Enter his world. Get to know your teenager’s friends. Offer to drive them places and encourage him to invite his friends to your home. Show an interest in the music he listens to, the clothes he buys, the books he reads.

• Listen to your teenager’s concerns. When you’re tempted to give advice, ask your teenager if you may make a suggestion. If she resists, back off. If she comes to you with troubling news, such as a bad report card, try not to lecture or say, “I told you so.” Instead you might say, “I’m glad you told me. It’s important to me that you can confide in me.”

• Be playful with your teen. Relax and be yourself. Express your sense of humor. It’s an act of trust to let down your guard in his presence. By your example, you’re extending the same freedom to him.

• Give praise and encouragement. Tell your teenager you are proud of her achievements, great and small. You’ll build her confidence by letting her know that she made a great salad for dinner or that you admire her computer skills.

• Try giving your teenager more authority and independence in exchange for taking on more responsibility. Your child needs to learn that power and authority bring responsibility. Look for ways to share power and decision-making with an older teenager. Try sharing the responsibility for making some decisions (such as where

Staying positiveThe teenage years will bring many challenges for you and your child. Having a positive attitude will help you deal smoothly with them. Seek out occasions for laughter, praise, and just pleasant conversation. It’s important to do the following:



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to go on a family vacation) with the understanding that the whole family will live with the consequences.

• Make time to have family fun. Visit a theme park, watch a horror movie, have dinner together at your favorite restaurant, or go bowling. Enjoy activities that are pure fun. These will help to ease the normal stresses of the teenage years and help you to stay close.

• Reassure your teenager that it’s OK to learn by making mistakes. Send the message that nobody is perfect, including you. This will help your teenager feel free to come to you when he’s made a mistake or has a concern.

Find ways to stay connected.If you’ve been trying to control your teenager and found that it’s impossible, you’re right. Your “child” is no longer a child.

To stay connected to your teenager, you’ll need to explore new ways of relating that involve giving up some of the control over her activities that you had when she was younger. Some of the best ways to do this are to be truthful, have a sense of humor, give unconditional love, try to pause before you show anger, and accept that at times you may be considered “the enemy.”

• Develop a new kind of relationship. Try to avoid thinking of your teenager as someone who will go wild if you don’t keep him under constant surveillance. Instead, try to see him as another smart, responsible person. Start to think of yourself less as an authority figure and more as a coach and nurturer.

• Listen to your teenager. She’ll probably be more willing to open up if she senses that you’re really attuned to what she’s saying. Make a habit of listening to her without interrupting. Your genuine interest will help build trust between you.

• Express your true feelings. Think about what you really mean before you speak. If you’re tempted to say something like, “If I catch you drinking beer, I will ground you for the rest of the year,” you may mean, “I’m afraid that you’ll drink and drive and be hurt or killed.” The first statement will put your teenager on the defensive. The second is more likely to help him understand your concerns.

• Respect your teenager’s boundaries. Recognize that you can’t solve all of your teenager’s problems for her. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore warning signs that she may be involved in risky behavior. But it does mean that you need to respect her privacy and accept that she probably won’t want to share everything with you as she did when she was very young.


Staying connected with your teen during the ups and downs of adolescence can be challenging, but the program has expert tips that can help — check our web site for more ideas.



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SHARING CAREGIVING RESPONSIBILITIES

Caring for an older relative can help you feel close to the people you love, but it can also be exhausting. If your family is like most, you probably have relatives who live both nearby and far away. The job of

caring for an aging parent, relative, or friend may not be evenly divided. Yet sharing the care will help family members feel closer to the person who needs help. And your relative will be better off because the primary caregiver will have more energy and will be more emotionally available. Here are some ways to share caregiving responsibilities in your family, whether you live near one another or far apart:

• Make a list of tasks that need to be done, and talk about ways to divide these up. Someone who’s good with household chores could do routine maintenance of your relative’s home, yard, or car. Someone else could do the shopping and cooking or could prepare and freeze extra meals. The person who’s good with medical issues could talk with your relative’s doctor and keep track of health concerns. Just remember that medical privacy laws may require you to get your relative’s permission before you talk with his physician or other health care providers.

• Have people who live out of town handle jobs that can be done from afar. For example, they can take care of paperwork and arrange for services. Insurance claims, tax forms, and regular bills can be handled easily from another city or state. You might consider having bills or paperwork mailed directly to the person handling these. Family members who live out of town can also schedule appointments and arrange for programs to provide services to your older relative, including meal delivery, home health care, or household tasks.

• Encourage people who live out of town to visit often to give the primary caregiver time off. A family member who lives out of town can provide a primary caregiver with a much-needed rest by inviting the older relative for a visit or by coming to stay with the older relative for a time. This benefits the older relative, too, who can look forward to the visit and the change of pace and conversation it will bring.

• Develop a nightly telephone schedule. Arrange for a family member to call each evening so that every night of the week is covered. Involve your older relative in setting the time of the call, which should be the same every evening. This task should be shared by everyone in family, regardless of where they live, and can easily include younger family members as well, such as grandchildren, nieces, and nephews. This will truly make caring a family affair and will remind your older relative of all the people in the family and how much they care.



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Talking as a familyCaring for an older relative can bring a family together and strengthen its ties. It can also lead to tensions and disagreements over care decisions. For example, a family member who feels strongly that an older relative should move to an assisted-living facility or a nursing home may become angry and less inclined to help with caregiving when others disagree. You can reduce the tension by talking with your relative ahead of time, together as a family, and learning what he or she would want in certain situations. If you find yourself in a situation where you have not had a chance to have this conversation or you haven’t yet reached an agreement about what is best for your older relative, try to have an initial family meeting to discuss everyone’s thoughts.

• Seek help from a professional or a neutral party if you have disagreements over caregiving tasks that you can’t resolve among yourselves.

• Plan a time to gather as a family to talk. A convenient time might be before or after a family holiday celebration.

• Agree ahead of time about what issues you will discuss. You might discuss safety issues, daily care issues, your older relative’s finances, or medical concerns. Write down what issues you will discuss. You might ask each family member to bring a written list of issues to the meeting.

• Talk about people’s roles and about sharing caregiving responsibilities. Who’s doing what? Who feels overburdened? How can you share the load?

• Be honest about the challenges you are facing. “Who can take Dad to the doctor?” “How can we make sure the work of caring for Dad is divided up fairly after Bill moves out of state?”

• Write down what you’ve decided. Before everyone leaves the meeting, ask one family member to write down the plan you have created together and to send copies or an email to everyone. Documenting what you’ve agreed on can help prevent misunderstandings later.

• Keep talking Stay in touch by phone, mail, email, and text messages. If possible, videochat on a smartphone or use a software application such as Skype to videochat via computer. If you’re working with a professional, try to include that person in your meetings.


Everyone needs to be flexible and open. The more you stay in touch, the more ready you will be to handle problems that come up. The more you stay in touch with one another, the more you’ll feel that you’re in it together.

Being kind to one anotherIt’s important for everyone involved in caregiving to feel appreciated. Send a note when your brother does something nice for Dad. Call your sister and thank her for all that she does. Remember each other in big and small ways. That will go a long way toward helping your family get through a difficult time.



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QUICK TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS

Stress affects almost everyone. Sometimes, it can be a good thing because it can energize us to meet new challenges. But if it’s not managed, stress can affect your physical and emotional health, your

relationships, and your life. Below you’ll find tips for managing stress. Learn to recognize the signs of stress

The first step in managing stress is learning how to become aware of it in yourself. Some common physical, emotional, or behavioral symptoms of stress include:

• difficulty sleeping

• headaches

• neck or back pain or muscle tension

• stomach pain

• irritability

• anger

• depression

• mood swings

• drug or alcohol abuse

• increased use of prescription drugs

Five tips on managing stress1. Try to identify the source of your stress. For example, if you’re worried about what your manager thinks about your

performance, you could ask and find out. If you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list, you could review it and then block out time to tackle it.

2. For problems and challenges that cannot be handled so directly, learn techniques and practices for managing stress. Some sources of stress can’t be eliminated, such as caring for an older relative who is sick or trying to find help for a child who is having difficulty in school. To manage these kinds of stressors, you may need to take different steps that you practice and master over time.

3. Learn and practice relaxation techniques. You might try deep breathing, meditation, visualizing yourself in a peaceful place, or just sitting quietly for a few minutes each day to gather your thoughts. Many apps and audio recordings (available at bookstores, libraries, and music stores) can help with visualization.

4. Take care of yourself. Eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise will help you find the energy you need to cope well with stress. Getting enough sleep is also important. You’ll find helpful tips in the article Getting a Good Night’s Sleep.

5. Make time for family and friends. Research shows that having strong ties to others has a positive effect on your health and ability to cope with pressure. Set aside time for friends and family on a regular basis.

If symptoms of stress persist or you’re having trouble coping with the stress in your life, contact your employee assistance program (EAP) or talk with your doctor. A professional can offer resources and support.



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PRACTICING MINDFULNESS IN EVERYDAY LIFE€¦ · Re search suggests that mindfulness can improve your mood; reduce negative thinking; and ease stress, anxiety, and depression. It can