Final Reflective Paper

Randall L. Noggle

Psychology 202

Jeni Winne

12/03/2012

I. What was your family life like?

A. Parents were absent

B. I was the oldest child

C. My parents’ had a dysfunctional marriage

D. Spent a great deal of time alone

II. What were you like as a teenager?

A. Searching for attention

B. Rampant drug abuse

C. Concern for my younger sister

III. What did you do after you left school?

A. Moved away from home

B. Received psychiatric care

C. Entered a rehabilitation program

D. Embraced sobriety

IV. Hobbies

A. Reading

B. Drawing

C. Fitness

D. Softball

V. What are your personal, professional, and academic goals?

A. Bachelors, Masters, and possibly Doctoral degree

B. Alpha Sigma Lambda

C. Aid adolescents in not making the same mistakes I did

VI. What would make you happy in the future?

A. Career I find fulfilling

B. Affecting people in a positive way

C. Providing for my family

This is the third time I have gone back to school in order to pursue a higher education. I

hope that this effort will produce more favorable results. In this paper I will discuss my

upbringing and influences that helped to lay the foundation for the man that I am today. I will

use the developmental theories mentioned in this course, as well as outside sources, to aid in

explaining my reactions to those influences. I shall also briefly discuss a couple of the goals I

have set for myself.

I was raised in a lower middle-class environment. My mother worked in a factory, and in

fact is still working in that same factory. She has worked in nearly every department and on

every shift available throughout her twenty-six year tenure for that company. The majority of my

life, or at least as far back as I can remember, she has worked third shift, which runs from eleven

p.m. until seven a.m. She slept during the day and afforded little time with me in my childhood.

My father has been a truck driver for that same length of time. Throughout my early years he

was an over the road driver, which means he would pretty much drive from coast to coast. His

career choice provided financial stability for our family, but also provided him very little time at

home. It did, however, provide my parents adequate time to produce another child, my little

sister.

I was just turning five years old when my sister was born. My parents have told me that

when they showed her to me, I stated, “Eww…I wanted a brother, but that’s okay.” They also

told me that I quickly warmed up to and became very protective of her. I remember doing

everything with my sister when we were very young. I tried to teach her everything I knew, good

and bad (much to my parents’ frustration). A majority of the time my sister and I were alone

because of my parents work schedules. When they were both home, my sister and I chose to play

together because of the conflicts within our parents’ marriage.

My parents had a very dysfunctional marriage. It seemed as though they were only

together for my sister and I. I can recall numerous shouting matches or one parent leaving while

arguing and disappearing for hours at a time. We very rarely had time with our parents together

that was peaceful or did not have tension in the air. As I grew older, I became a source for either

my mother or father to complain about the other to. This made me feel more like a mediary than

a child to both of my parents. I never truly felt a sense of belonging, or emotional attachment, to

either of them because of this.

The feelings of emotional detachment and the lack of quality time with my parents led

me to search for attention from anyone that would give it to me. As I made the transition from

being a pre-teen to a teenager, I looked towards my peers for guidance and acceptance. At that

time, I did not care whether the people I associated with had morals or integrity; I just wanted to

feel like I belonged somewhere. I attached myself to and bonded with people that pretty much

ran wild.

Within this circle of people that I felt so closely bonded, drugs were very common. Most

of my friends had older siblings that used and had no moral issues with providing children with

illegal substances. We tried every single substance we could get our hands on within our

financial means. It did not matter if it was a school night, weekend, or holiday. Our main goal

was to do as much as possible before we all had to go home. I had to leave early than the others

because my sister would go to her friends’ houses during the same time frame.

Coming home every day, high as a kite filled me with feelings of guilt. My sister was my

pride and joy, and very smart for her age. She would always ask what was wrong with me when

we got home and my mother went back to sleep. I would make some excuse and tell her I am

proud of her for being such a good little sister, while in the back of my mind I worried everyday

what type of example I was setting for her. I was concerned for her well-being because I was her

only example, and I was slowly turning into someone I didn’t want her to be around. I did my

best to hide my drug usage and other illegal activities in her presence for the rest of my high

school career, unfortunately I failed miserably and everything came to the surface.

The admittance of my drug usage and overall poor decisions led my aunt and uncle to

offer me a chance to move with them out of state and start over fresh. Over the course of the next

four years I moved from Iowa to Idaho, Nevada, and Florida. I tried moving back to Iowa twice

within that time frame but falling immediately back into my drug abuse each time.

The most influential of my moves was when I lived in Florida. I was working on

repairing a yacht for my aunt and uncle when everything suddenly became too much for me. I

took a razor blade and cut into various parts of my body twenty-six times. This forced me to be

placed under suicide watch and receive psychiatric care for two weeks for a diagnosis of

Borderline Personality Disorder. ). According to John Gunderson, in regards to my cutting, “is so

prototypical of persons with BPD that the diagnosis rightly comes to mind whenever recurrent

self-destructive behaviors are encountered.” (2001,11). However, I was not suicidal. It was a

form of relief and a way for me to vent my frustration, an escape if you will (much like my drug

use).

I learned a great deal about myself while receiving counseling from my psychiatrist and

group therapy sessions. The most notable of what I learned is the Freud’s defense mechanism of

compensation, which as stated in Adult Development and Life Assessment, “Here we try to

overcome feelings of inferiority in one area by excelling in another area. For example, someone

who feels inferior in social situations may focus on schoolwork to feel intellectually superior.”

This would account for me excelling in my schoolwork while in high school and my first attempt

at college.

Upon receiving treatment and being able to leave the psychiatric ward, my excursion of

self-discovery was not completed. I expressed interest in wanting to go back to Iowa to be with

my immediate family, and my aunt and uncle did not like that idea. They had a conversation with

my parents and when it was all said and done I was neither allowed to go back to Iowa nor was I

allowed to live with my aunt and uncle. My only choice was to participate in a year-long drug

rehabilitation/Christian discipleship program by the name of Teen Challenge. This was a

remarkable place in which I learned more about myself than I had in any combination of

circumstances combined up to that point.

I applied my teachings from both my psychiatric care and Teen Challenge when I finally

returned to Iowa, at least for a short time. A few months after my return, I backslid deeper into

drug usage than I had ever been prior to that. After a long period of utter chaos and rampant drug

abuse, I stopped and looked at my life. In my room there was only a futon, computer, and a trash

can full of dirty needles, bent spoons, and cotton swabs. It was at this point that I decided

sobriety was the only way that I could live a functional life.

In making the decision to change my situation, I quit using cold turkey and used

replacement techniques to help me manage my addiction problems. I informed all of people who

participated in these activities of what my past was, and that I needed their help to stay clean. I

later learned that this was a form of therapeutic community (De Leon, G., 1999).

I spent a lot of time participating in activities that helped me focus more on something

healthy and people that would support me. The two most prominent of these activities were

weightlifting and softball. I started playing slow pitch softball at a friend’s request. I had played

high school baseball with him and he wanted to see me get away from my previous associations.

Through the connections I made playing softball, I made friends with people who were health-

driven and asked me to start going to the gym with them to lift weights. There were a couple of

years where the only place you could find me was either the ball field or the gym. These were

not my only hobbies though.

I have two hobbies that I have participated in since I was a young child: reading and

drawing. At a young age I was a very gifted reader and read everything I could get my hands on.

Upon finishing a book I would draw abstract designs that expressed the flow of the storyline and

my perception of it. My love for both reading and drawing his is still true to this day, however, I

no longer tie them together as I did when I was younger. Throughout the course of my

development I learned how to do each activity separately and for its own enjoyment.

I have been sober now for over six years and have embarked on a path to finally earn a

college degree. I am currently pursuing my Bachelors in Applied Behavioral Science. After I am

finished completing that I want to move directly into getting my Masters, which remains to be

decided. When I am closer to completing my Bachelors and have received more education and

learned what interests me the most, then I shall decide on what it will be in. If everything goes go

well, I am seriously contemplating continuing my education to the peak of the mountain, so to

speak, and earning my Doctorate.

I have very standards for myself in regards to the quality of my work and grades. One of

the goals I wish to achieve is being accepted into Alpha Sigma Lamba, which is an academic

honor society. I have never been able to achieve any form recognition for anything I have done

in scholastics or otherwise. It would be very rewarding to go from being an addict to an honor

student in college. I also feel that such a turnaround in life, coupled with those honors, would

help me be more easily placed with options in the career field which I truly desire to be in. All of

my schooling is geared towards being able to help adolescents avoid or overcome the challenges

I had throughout my development. I do not want to see anyone go through everything that I did. I

had a couple of friends that were not as strong as I am, and they are no longer here.

Being able to help teens through younger adults achieve success instead of throwing their

lives’ away would be the most fulfilling career I could do. To not only help troubled youths deal

with their problems and overcome them, but also to help them find their place in society as fully-

functioning adults and to help them achieve their goals with the guidance that I was never

provided by using my mistakes as a basis if what not to do.

My main personal goal is to be a good father to my daughter, and someday hopefully a

good husband. I am already utilizing some of the lessons I have learned in my interactions with

my daughter. I hope to provide for her in every way fathomable. I want to be everything to her

that she needs to on order to grow up a responsible, well-educated, financially stable adult

capable of understanding and dealing with everything life throw’s at her.

I grew up in a manner where life lessons were learned by trial and error. My parents gave

me some guidance in regards on how to handle myself in social situations and interactions. The

main lessons I was taught were to work hard and be honest. But other than that, they were both

busy working to provide financially for me and my sister. I completely understand and

appreciate the sacrifices they made, especially now that I am a parent. However, it did not allow

a lot a personal time and in-depth guidance from them. This caused me to find outside sources,

with less the desirable results. I do not regret those results though. The path that those choices

took me down provided a lot of experiences that most people will never get. I have been to all of

the continental United States, been in a psych ward, rehab, and lived is some of the most

beautiful places this country can offer. It has also provided me knowledge of myself that I could

not have otherwise obtained. For that, I am very thankful. All of these lessons and experiences

will only aid me in raising my daughter.

I discussed my upbringing and influences that helped to lay the foundation for the man

that I am today. I used the developmental theories mentioned in this course, as well as outside

sources, to aid in explaining my reactions to those influences. I also briefly discussed a couple of

the goals I have set for myself. I have learned a great deal about myself in this course, and hope

that you have learned at least a little more about me in this paper.

References

G. A. Witt, Mossler, R. A., (2010) Adult Development and Life Assessment. Retrieved from

https://content.ashford.edu/books/AUPSY202.10.2/sections/sec2.2

De Leon, G. (1999). Therapeutic communities: Research and applications. In M. D. Glantz, C. R.

Hartel (Eds.) , Drug abuse: Origins & interventions (pp. 395-429). American Psychological

Association. doi:10.1037/10341-016

http://www.ashford.edu/student_services/alpha_sigma_lambda.htm

http://www.ashford.edu/static/media/ASL_Constitution_on_AU_letterhead.pdf

Gunderson, J. 2001. Borderline personality disorder: A clinical guide. Washington, D.C.:

American Psychiatric Publishing. Retrieved from

http://muse.jhu.edu/journals/philosophy_psychiatry_and_psychology/v010/10.1potter01.html