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Rafe Nauen - Health (Systemic Family Constellations)
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Seeing how mapping the health of ourhistory can help us be realty healthy
&Ue %xtu*©2015
Health?Whatisyours,andwhatbelongstoyourfamilysystem
SeeinghowmappingthehealthofourhistorycanhelpusbereallyhealthyRafeNauen©2015
ContentsForeword
Introduction
Chapter1-Whatisaconstellation?
Chapter3–Thestudyofhealthusingconstellations
Chapter4-MSP–MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology
Chapter5–Themechanicsofaworkshop
Chapter6–Whathealthconditionscanweconstellate?
Chapter7–EatingDisorders
Chapter8–Howtosetupaconstellationabouthealth
Chapter9–RitualsandCeremoniestoclearancestraltimelineissues
Foreword
Ifyoudowhatyou’vealwaysdone,thenyou’llgetwhatyou’vealwaysgot!Changeexistswithstretchandthisbookisaboutmappingthechangepotentialwithinyourlifeandthatofyourfamilyandhencebreakingcyclesorrepeatedpatterns
Thisbookistoallayanyfearsthatmightsurroundlookingatafamilysysteminagroupsetting.
Withmanycoachingmodelstheboundaryoneoftenreaches(andsometimesratherquickly)isthatsolutionstotheissuesarenotsittingintheroom,betheystructures,history,perhapsfamily,ancestryorevenethics.
Withthemodeldescribedhereinthatboundaryevaporates,becausethesystemislookedatasawholewiththeindividualplayersinthatsystemfindingthebestplaceforthemselves.Surprisingly,orperhapsunsurprisingly,whenonepersonfindsexactlytherightplace,othersandsometimesalltheothersfindabetter,oreventherightplacewithinthesystem.No-onequitehastheanswertohow,orwhy–itjustseemstoworklikethat.
IntroductionIgotintoconstellationworkasaresultofneedingpersonalcounsellinginconnectionwiththeimminentdeathofmythenwifeMaia.ThepsychotherapistIsaacPizerintroducedmetoconstellationstherapyalmoststraightawayandIwasblownaway.ItshowedthatIcouldseewhatIwascarryinginmylife,whatbelongedtomeandwhatdidn’t.ThatstoryisdescribedmorefullyinmyfirstbookFamilyConstellations–Unravellingthemysteryofyourancestraltimeline.
IhavehadanumberofcareerchannelsinmylifethusfarandconstellationsworkseemedtofitexactlywithwhatIwantedtodonext.Studyingconstellationstheoryandpracticeovertwoyearsbroughtupthefactthatconstellations(socalledbecausetheapparentconnectionbetweenconstellationsintheskyisnotbyanyphysicalmeans–theyjustappeartobegroupedthus,inotherwords,becausetheyare!)Andsoitiswithbusinessesorfamilies,orindeedwithanygroupingthatcouldbecalledasystem.
Ifindthatmanysystemswouldwelcomeavirtualmapoftheinfluencesandpeopleinsideandoutsidethosesystemsespeciallyifitweresimpleandnotrequireanyprioradaptionsorchanges.Hereistheanswertothatparticularprayer.Thetermconstellationsalwaysneedsadescription,butintheGermaniccountrieswherethisworkmostlyhailsfrom,itiswidelyknown.
Someofthisbookrequiresacceptancethatfeelingsa)existandb)areimportantinallmatters.Ifyoudoubtthat,asksomeonetomake20coldcallsonaFridayafternoon.Iassureyouthatiftheydon’tfeellikeit–theywillfindawayforitnottohappen–somethingmoreimportantmightwellcomeupinthatscenario.
Whenfacedwithgroupwork–andalthoughthismethodworksextremelywellonaonetoonesituation,aworkshopiswherethisstuffflies–manypeoplefeelorexpecttofeelintimidatedandanxious–willtheybeabletoexpressthemselvescorrectly–whatlevelofparticipationcantheymanageetc.etc.Thisbookistoallayatleastsomeofthosefears.YoumaywishtoreadmyfirstbookFamilyConstellations–Unravellingthemysteryofyourancestraltimeline.
Oneadditionalaspecthasrevealeditselfduringmyworkinthisfield.HealingandCuringarenotoneandthesamething.Itisdefinitelypossibletoachieveeitheronewithouttheother.Attheendofthedaywewillalldieandwewillnodoubtdieofsomething.SuperHospitalsaredefinitelyacuringplace.Iftheygettoknowwhatiswrong,theyareexceptionallygoodatrectifyingtheproblem.Butweliveinanageoffear,whereanursefearscuddlinganupsetpatientincaseitshouldbemisinterpretedinsomesexualorabusiveway.Thusthehospitalhasmovedawayfromgivingahealingexperienceandhasconcentratedonthecuringprinciples.Manypeoplebelievethatfoodcookedwithcareandlovehassomehealingqualities–oldJewishtraditionsusingchickensoupareacaseinpoint.Thusahospitalthatdoesn’tevencookfood(microwavedcook-chillfoodscomingfromafactory),letalonecookingitwithcareandlovemaybemissingatrickinitsart-form.Ithasbeenshownthat
peoplegetbetterquicker(curefaster)inahealingenvironment.
Inviewofthefactthat100%ofallpeoplewhoeithergotohospitalorwhodon’t,will,induecourse,die,thenthemedicalprofession’squesttoalwaysfindacureandtoregarditasafailureintheeventofnotdoingso(successratesinhospital?)willalwaysfailinthelongrun.Soitistheshortrunthatisconcentratedonwiththeemphasisongettingpeoplefixeduptoreturntothefrayofthelifetheyledbefore.Theconceptofprovidinghealthcare–topreservelifeatanycost,becomesa)futileandb)destinedtorunoverbudget!
Intherealmofmentalhealthcare,thereisamultitudeofevidencethatpeoplearetreatedfortheshorttermandoftenmerelytoremovethemfromthehereandnowfortheotherpeople–thedoctororthefamily.Tosubdue.Manyanti-psychoticdrugshaveamultiplicityofsideeffectsymptoms,whichoftenincludetheissueforwhichtheywereprescribedinthefirstplace.Gettingsomeonefixedupandoutofhereistheprimaryobjective.Toopenthecanofwormstheliesbeneathhashugepenaltiesforthepractitionerforfearthatthelidwillbeimpossibletoreplace.However,seenintermsofmultigenerationaltrauma(seechapter4foranexplanation),perhapsthereismuchmorelongtermhealingworkneedingtobedone,especiallyinunderstandingtheconsequencesofonegenerationsattitudesandactionsonanotherandsubsequentgenerations.Itwouldbeunusualinthemedicalworldwefindourselvesin2015tostartlookingatwhathappenedtoapatient’sgrandfatherduringthelastwar,asanaidetorecoveryforthepatienttoday.However,mylimitedresearchwouldtendtosupportsuchamove.
Chapter1-Whatisaconstellation?
So,whatisaconstellation(apartfromagroupofstars)–wellfundamentally,it’salivingmapthatrevealsthehiddendynamicsofanysystem.Asystemisanygroupdefinedbytherelationshiptheyhavetoeachother–family,workgroup,boardofdirectorsandsoon.Inthisbook,Iamconcentratingonhealth,buttherulesapplytoanygroupingofpeopleorthingsthatmightberegardedasasystem–evendowntoachronicillness–thatwillbediscussedlater,butbywayofexamplesomeonehasapainfulbrokenleg.Clearlytheproblemisintheleg,orperhapstheyareevenmorepreciseandsaytheirkneeistheissue,buttheirlackofmobilitywillhaveaprofoundeffectonwhattheyareabletodo.Theymighthavesufferedsomeseveretraumagettingthedamagedknee,socouldhavenightmares,quiteapartfromthenormalsleepdeprivationfrompain.Thatmaymeanthattheygetannoyedorupsetmorethanwouldbenormalforthem.Thefamilythenwillhavetorallyround–transport,maybethebedroomisinaccessiblesothingswillchangeinthehouseandmaybethereisasuddendropinincomethatcoincideswithasuddenincreaseincosts,soworryinthefamilywillincrease.Theymaybeconcernedthataparentorgrandparenthadatumourintheirkneeandthisisarecurrence.Theymaystartbeingsecretiveinthehopeof“protecting”theirfamilyfromtheawfulpossibilitythattheyhaveasimilarfateloomingtoGrandpaAlbert.Theymayhaveemotionalsideeffectsfromthepainkillersandprescriptiondrugstheyhavebeenadvisedtotake.Andsoon.Soyoucanseethatlookingatbasicelementsontheirownisafarfromperfectwaytoarriveatsuccessfuloutcomesandsometimesitcanbefarmoreusefultolookatthesystem.
Thestartingpointisalwayssomeonewhowantstolookatanissue,perhapsthere’sarecurrentproblematwork,orsomesituationthattheycan’tquitecometogripswith.Itmaybeaforcedchangewithinthesystem–adeath,abirth,amarriageoradivorce,or“problems”withachild’sbehaviourmaybecomingnoticeablydifficulttodealwith,orinthisbook,youhavenoticedthatyourhealthrevealsapattern,orametaphorthatsuggeststhecausemaynotbeimmediatelywithinyourgraspandthusneitherwillbethesolution.Constellationsareapowerfulwayofworkingwithsuchissues.Ratherthanlookattheindividualortheplacewheretheproblemis,welookatthewholesystem,howeverwidelythatforcesustolook.That’sbecauseanindividualisalwayspartofamuchwiderinterconnectedsystemandtheproblemmayjustbeasymptomofsomethingthat’sactuallyhappeningelsewhere.ThatwasexactlytrueinmycaseandIshallbeusingmyownexperienceaswellasotherpeople’swhoseconstellationsIhavefacilitatedfurtheroninthisbook.
Whatwedoissetupavisualspatialrepresentationofthatsystem.Ideallyweusepeopletorepresentthedifferentpartsofthesystemsoitbecomesalivingmaporconstellation,but
piecesoffeltonafloor,postitnotesorevenPlayPeople™[1]canbeused.Wethenaskthoserepresentativestolistentotheirfeelings,theirsensationsandtheirintuitionsandwhathappensisthattheunderlyingdynamicsofthesystemcometothesurface.Itseemsthatsimplytheclientgivingpermissionforanelementoftheirexistencetoberepresentedisenoughforthedisplayofthedynamicstobegin.Manyhundredsofthousandsofworkshopshavebeennotedandwrittenupandtheyallshowthatsomehiddendynamicshavebeenrevealedthathavehithertolainhidden.
Constellationsrelyonsomeunderlyingprinciples-abitlikeahousereliesongravity.
1. Everyonehasanequalrighttobelong-everyonewhoentersasystem(anewbaby
forexample)hasarighttoasmuchloveasanyoneelseanditcanbeshownthathaving“favourites”causesissuesdowntheline
2. Thingsthatcomebeforehavetogivewaytothingsthatcomelater-anolder
siblinghastoallowhisorherworldtochangealittleforthesurvivalofthesystemandhisorherplacewithinit,irrespectiveofthetraumaitmaycausetotheoldersibling.
3. Systemsthatcomelatertakeprecedenceoveroldersystems.Ifsomeonehasachild
inthecontextofanaffair,itcanbeprettyharshfortheoriginalfamilysystem.Thepersonwhohaspartiallymovedawayandintoanewsystem,willhavemuchmoreenergyforthenewsystem,whatevertheysaytothemselves,orwhateverpromisestheymaymake.Ironicallythismaybeeventruerifthenewsystemisdenied.
4. Thebalanceofgivingandreceivingneedstobemaintained-commonsense(andagreatdealofresearch)hasshownthatbalancemustbemaintainedinallthings,especiallyfamilysystems.
Mystyleasaconstellationfacilitatoristositinacircleofpotentialclientsorissueholdersandtoaskandseewhoiswillingorbestplacedtostartworkingonanissue.Thereisaclearmomentwhensomeonehasmadethedecisionthatthepainofmaintainingtheirtraumaorbondingdilemmaisoutweighedbythetantalisinghopeofagoodoutcomeandaresolutionsothatthenextphaseoflifebeginswithouttheiroldmisplacedassociations.Ifthefacilitatorisskilled,noticingthatmomentisofhugebenefit,astheenergytheclientthenbringstotheworkissignificantlyenhanced.Italsodrivesresponsibilitytoitsrightfulplace,astheclientisentirelyincontroloftheprocessandsimplyneedssomeaffirmationsorconfirmationsastothewaythemethodthenenablestheunfoldingoftheirownstoryanduncoveringofmisplaceddramasortraumas.Theclientmaydecidethatthepriceistoohighandthatinactualfacttheywouldprefertolivewithwhattheyknowratherthanperhapsexposesecretsto
theglareofthetruth.Itisa)theirchoice,butb)alsoofitselfveryempoweringastheystillremainincontroloftheprocess.Forthefacilitatorthatinterferes–forexampleheorshemayhavealreadydecidedwhowillworkandinwhatorder,canhimorherselfbecomearepresentativeofanoverbearingorinstructiveelementwithintheclient’sfamilysystem,unknowinglyandtherebycreateanentanglementthataddstotheclient’swoes,ratherthandiminishthem.Itmayalsocompletelyhidetherealissuefromthework.
Ioftenwillenquirehowtheclientthemselvesaredoingtocheckthata)nothingisunravellinginadifferentwaytothatshowingupandb)thattheclientisnotgettingtoomuchandwouldratherleaveitfornowandreturntothesubjectatalaterdate.Iwillprobablyencouragestickingwithitandoftenadistressedclientwillbeasked“yes,butcanyoumanage?”.Sometimeswithinaconstellationworkshop,arepresentativewillmentionasmellorfeelingthatrelatesdirectlytotheclientsownfeelingsorsmellassociations.Thatofitselfmayunlockadoorwayorportaltoanotherdimensionoftheworkandyieldawholelayerofdatathatuntilthatmomentremainedhidden.Forme,asafacilitator,thosemomentshavetotreatedwithgreatrespectandcare,asanexamplewillillustrate.Oneclienthadsetupaconstellationwithhermother,herfatherandherself.Griefhadappearedanditturnedoutthatthisrelatedtothedeathofasibling.Iaskedsomeonetoentertheconstellationasarepresentativeofthedeadchild.Themotherbrokedownintearsanditshowedsomedisquietinthefather,althoughitdidn’tlooklikegrief.However,thisseemedtobeenoughstoryandIjustneededtolettheconstellationrunitscourse,perhapssuggestsomeritualsfortheexcessivelylatebereavement(over40years)ofthesiblingonbehalfofthemother.Butthentherepresentativerevealedthatshecouldsmellrottingmeat.Observationoftheclient(atthattimesittingoutandwatching)showedadistinctchangeofpallor,countenanceandagitation.Ienquiredinmyusualstyle–“What’sgoingon?”shethenrevealedalonghistoryofsexualabuseandaneatingdisorderthatmeantthatmeatwasdistinctlyrepulsivetoher.Herfather–theabuser–hadinsistedonhereatingthemeat,soshehadtakenittoherroomandhiddenit.Theresultingsmellunlockedthewholesorrysaga.Thefather ’srepresentativewentthroughawholearrayoffeelingsfromanger,shame,rejectionandincludedwantingtoleave(sometimesthisrevealssuicidaltendencies)anditexplainedsomethingIhadnoticed,buthaddonenothingabout–whythefatherhadbeenunabletolookatthemotherandseemedbondedtothedaughter(theclientissueholder).Allowingthesmelltobeafacetoftheworkinthatcaseunlockedtherealreasonfortheclientattendingsuchaworkshop.Hershamehadheldherwithsecrets,butthesmellnoticedbytherepresentativeunlockedthedoorwayfortheclient,gaveherconfidencethattheconstellationwasgenuinelylookingatherstuffandwasn’tmadeup!Themomentofthepricebeingtoohighhadpassed!
Chapter3–Thestudyofhealthusingconstellations
WhenIworkwithclients,eitherinonetoonesessions,orinworkshops,Inoticethatnewthingscomeup,maybemetaphorssuchaspainsinthebackregisteringwithanunsupportedfeelingoraperpetualstomachpainassociatedwithinabilitytostomachissueswithinthefamilyetc.etc.Inoticesomaticsymptoms–wherethereisasymptominthebodythatclearlyderivesfromanemotionalpain.Havinggatherednewdatafromtheexperientialreportingfromtheclient,Ithenmakeconnectionswithresearchorotherwritersonthesubjectandnewinsightsemerge.ThenwhenIamnextworkingwithaclientIfindotherlevelsofawarenessstarttoarise.
ThebeautyoftheconstellationsmodelisthattheclientandIareworkingintandemandasitisnotatalkingtherapythedangerofimplantingthoughtsisverylimitedandgivesimmensefreedomtotheprocess.AtnotimedoIbecomesuperiorinanywaywithintheclient’ssystem.Incounselling,itisquitecommonforaclienttojustifyanactionorremarkbysaying,“Mytherapist….”Thatshouldn’teverhappeninaconstellationbecausewhatisrevealedisrevealedbya)thepermissionoftheclienttolookandb)thenoticingbytherepresentatives.Thefacilitatormayenablesomeexperiments–itmayshowupwhatlookslikethedeathofachildwithinaconstellation,soIwilladdarepresentativeforthatsecret,butifnothingchangesintheotherrepresentatives,thenIabandontheideaasanexperimentwhosevalidityisthesameinsuccessasinfailure.Theadditionofthechildintheexampleaboveaddedawholenewdimension.
Chapter4-MSP–MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology
Iusuallytrytoavoidjargon,especiallyinabooksuchasthis,aimedatclientswhohavenotevencomeacrossthewordconstellationsinthiscontextletalone“MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology”.Well,sometimesavoidingjargonrequiresrepeatedlongsentencesofexplanation.Andhere,MSPdescribesveryeloquentlyaneveryday,butoftenmissedissue.“Traumaexperiencedinamotherwillbeexpressedandexperiencedbythechildren”.Thisasageneralprinciple,holdsupwell.Itislikelythemotherembeddedintheprinciplewilloverprotect,toavoidthereoccurrence,underprotectandpassoninloyaltytotheoldersystem,ordosomeworkonherselftoalleviatethesymptomsofhertrauma.Atnostagehowever,willitsimplyhavegoneaway.Itwillbearound,althoughperhapsinachangedformat.Sometimesweexchangesensationsintheemotionalworldwithfeelingsinthephysicalrealm,orinthemental.Buttheprinciplestandsandappliesnotjusttomothers.MSP(MultigenerationalSystemicPsychotraumatology)isthestudyofthewaywehandletraumawithindifferentgenerationsinfamilysystemsandisthefundamentalbasisforlookingathealthinfamiliesusingtheconstellationmodel.
Itistraumainonegenerationthatcreatesexperiencesthatmakeuswishtofreezeorfleeinappropriatelyandsetupchainsofeventsthatifweareunabletoreconcile,manageoractuallydealwith,wewillautomaticallypassontothenextgeneration.
Sometimesthetraumais(onthememorylevelatleast)unknown.Inthosecircumstances,theconstellationmodelisprettyadeptatrevealingit.
How?
IreferyoubacktoChapter1whichexplainswhathappens.No-oneisquitesurehoworevenwhy,butfromtheextensiveresearchandreportingthereisnodoubtthatwecarryinformationthatwasnotcreatedduringourlifetime.Itwasbornwithus.
Chapter5–Themechanicsofaworkshop
Whathappensinaconstellationworkshop?Iamgoingtousearealexamplefromaworkshopheldsomeyearsago
Whoisinaconstellation?
Thefacilitator;someonewhoguidestheprocess,butwhoremainsasfaraspossible,outsidetheprocess
Aseeker;someonewhofeelstheurgetolookattheirstuff,rightnow–theywillprobablybeabitfiredup,enthusiastic–theirmomenthasarrived.
Representatives;peoplewhowillgetaskedtorepresentotherpeopleduringtheprocess–placeholderscertainly,butsometimesquiteabitmore
Participants;therestofthepeopleintheworkshop–theysitaroundtheedgeoftheworkingareaandholdtheenergy–theyjustobservemostly–theywillgetachancetobeaseeker,oraparticipantlater
Onlythefacilitatorwillnecessarilyhavehadpriorexperienceofconstellationwork,butsome,maybealloftheotherswillhaveattendedworkshopsbefore–evenparticipantsgetabiglearningfromthework.
Everyonesitsaroundinacircleofchairs–preferablyabout18-20feetacrossthecircle.Thefacilitatorwillhavepickedaplacetositandhaveavacantchairnexttohimorher.Heorshewillprobablydoashortmeditation,sothateveryoneiscalm,relaxedandbodyconscious–bythatImeanthatpeoplebecomeawareofwhatisgoingonintheirownbody,sothattheycanexpresschangesthatoccur–thesemaybecomequiteimportantastheworkprogresses.Thecircleinsidethechairsiscalledthefield–likeafieldofenergyandisidentifiedtoestablishboundariestothework.
Firstly,aseekerischosen.Thefacilitatormaychoose,oraskwhoisready,ormaybeanothermethodisused.Theseekercomesandsitsbythefacilitator.Forthisexample,let’ssaytheseekerisfemaleandforty-sixyearsoldandthefacilitatorisme!Thismovementsymbolisesmovingintoaplacewhereotherthingsbecomeenabled.Theseekerthentellsthefacilitatorthefacts.Thefacilitatorisnotinterestedinblame,oropinion,justfacts–suchasmymotherandfatherarestillalive;theyseparatedwhenIwastwoandIhaven’tseenmyfathersincethatday;mymotherhadtwomiscarriagesbeforeIwasborn,butIhaveanolderbrotherthatsurvived.MymotherremarriedwhenIwastwoandahalf.
Whatthefacilitatorisdoinghereistoidentifytheimportantelementsinwhatwasaroundduringtheseekersearlylife–moreimportanceisplacedonthingsthathappenedinthefamilybeforetheseekerwasborn,becausethosethingswillhavemouldedtheseeker.Thefacilitatorwillnodoubtmakeajudgementcallonwhethertosetupthemother ’snewhusbandattheoutset,ortoseeifhefigureslater.Again,ajudgementcallwillberequiredtoreckonwhetherthemiscarriagesaresignificant–sometimestheyareandsometimestheyaren’t.Inthiswork,wefindthatabortionsalwayshaveaplace,stillbirthsalwayshaveaplaceandmiscarriagesdoonlysometimes.
SoIasktheseekerwhatisherburningdesire(orsomesuchformofwords)–thisenablesanintentiontobesetandisusefulbutnotessentialtothework.Shesays“Allmyrelationshipsdietoosoon”.Shesaysshehasamother(stillalive)afather(stillalive)andanelderbrother.Shethinkshermotherhadamiscarriagebetweenherbrotherandher.Iaskhertochoosefourpeopletorepresentherself,hermother,herfatherandherbrother.Ichoosenottocomplicatemattersjustyetbyrequestingarepresentativeofthemiscarriedbaby.Itissimplerformetoworkiftherepresentativesarewomenforwomenandmenformen,butintruthitisnotimportant.Ihaverunseveralconstellationswheretherewerealotofonesexandinsufficientoftheotherforthatruletoapply.Abasicfundamentaloftheworkis“Workingwithwhatis”–inotherwordsweallhavetosurviveandsucceedwithwhateverdealofcardsweget–wecanmakethebestofit,justaseasilyastheworstofit.Iknowawomanwhosefatherwasarealbully.Heterrorisedherbutshelearnedtostickoutherjawandsay“Yeah,thatallyougot?”manyyearslatershewasonthefrontlineatGreenhamCommonwhenanAmericansoldierpointedamachinegunather.ShewaspartofthousandsofwomencampaigningtonothaveAmericanmissileslaunchedfromEnglishsoilwithoutourinvolvementinawar.Shestuckoutherjawandsuggested“Goonthen,pullthetriggerifyou’vegottheballs”Ofcoursehebackeddown.Shehadlearnedtoresourceherselffromherterribleexperiencesasachild.
Sowhathappensnext?Iaskhertosettherepresentativesup–bywhichImeansheasksthemiftheyarewillingtoactasarepresentative.Iftheysayyes,theystandupandshestandsbehindthemwithhandslightlyontheirshouldersandshemovesthemtoaplaceinthefield(thespacewithinthecircleofchairs)that“feelsright”.Extraordinarily,whilstitsoundsodd,thereissuchaplaceandsofarno-oneinaworkshophaseverstruggledtofindsuchaplace!
Sonowwehavefourpeoplestandingup,inthecircleandtheseekernowsitsdowntowatch,tolistenandtofeel.Shecannotinterrupt,oreveninterject–butImayaskconfirmationofthingsthatIsee,orformoreinformationwhensomethingoddcropsup.
Theseeker ’srepisstandingaloneinthemiddle,thefatherisstandingneartheedgelookingout,themotherisneartheedgelookingin,towardsthefatherandthebrotherisnearthemiddle,againlookingtowardsthefather.SowhatcanIworkon?Let’smakesomeassumptions.Oneofthebeautiesofthisworkisthatwecantesthypothesesreadilyandeasilywithoutanyecologicaldamage(i.e.wecanexperimentwithoutanyproblemsoccurringfurtherdowntheline).Isuggestthatdadwouldratherbesomewhereelse(inconstellationspeak,hewishestoleave)Dadrelaxesimmediatelyandevenmovestodojustthat,leave.Iaskhimwherehisinterestlies–hesayscomrades.Iasktheseekerifshehasanyideawhatthismeans,becauseitmeansnothingtome,nortotheparticipantsandrepresentativespresentatthisworkshop,noteventherepresentativethatutteredtheword!
Shesays“mydadworkedonaminesweeperinthewarandhewascalledawayforsomeimportantworkonanothershipandwhilsthewasgonehisshipwentdownwithallhandsondeck.Hewasdevastatedandfeltheshouldhavediedwithhiscomrades”
Iaskthreepeopletostandjustoutsidethecirclenearthedad,torepresentthecomradeswhodied.Theyseemhappyandnottroubled,whichsurprisesallofus,especiallydad!Iaskhimtotalktothemandforthemtorespond.Adialogueensueswhereitbecomesclearthatdadsurvivingfeltgoodtotheothers–hegotalife,abeautifuldaughterandforhimtohavediedwouldhavestoppedthatandthatwouldhavebeeninno-one’sinterest.
Sowhat’sgoingonhere?Peoplewhohavenevermet,arehavingaconversationthattheycouldneverhavehadandwouldneverhappeninreality.Itdisplaysageneralattitudetodeathandhasadistinctrelationshipwithunderstandingandrelievingsurvivorguilt.Andthatelementofthesituationwasn’tevenknownattheoutset,sohowdiddad’srepresentativecomeupwith“Comrades”?
Itseemsthatwecarrywithusametaphysicalenergythatcontainstruthsandaspectsthatprotectusandkeepussafeinourjourney.Sometimesthetraumasurroundingsuchthingsbecomesoutmodedandcansafelybedropped.Whenwe“setpeopleup”inaconstellationwearehandingoverpermissionforasmallpartofthatenergytobereplicatedwithinavirtualmapandgivesustheabilitytoobserveandtochangethoseenergies.
Humansareunusualinthatnearlyeverythingtheytakeintolaterlifeisborneoutofaloyaltytoparenting–maybenotactualfatherandmother,buttheprocessofparentingwhichmeansthatchildrenlearntobecomeadultsandeventuallybecomeadultswithwhatevertheyhave
pickedupalongtheway.
Ihavenoticedthatdad’srepresentativeiswantingtoturntowardsthefield–IsuggesthefollowsthatmovementandIcanseethatheislookingwarmer.Isuggestsomewordshemightsay.Thisisafacilitatortechniqueforuncoveringsomehistoricaltruths.Wecansuggestwordsandthenwhentheyhavesaid,askthepersonwhosaidthemtosayiftheyfelttrue.Surprisingly,theywillprobablyhaveastrongfeelingeitherway–veryseldoman“I’mnotsure”InthiscaseIaskhimtosaytohisdaughter“Ididn’tknowyouwerethere”theseekersrepburstsintotears.Heoffersahugandtheyholdanembraceforawhile.Theotherrepshaveturnedtolookandthebrother ’srepiscryingalittletoo.Mumlookradiant.
Inthisshortexercise,ithasbecomeclearthatthemostimportantperceivedrelationshipforthefatherwastohisdeadcomradesandthusitbecomesclearthatthedaughter–ourseekerhere,hasspentherlifesofarlookingforrelationshipsthatbecomedeadoutofloveforherdadandthattohavebeenassociatedwithlifeandvibrancywouldhavebeendisloyal.Clearlythisiserrantnonsense.However,whathashappenedhereisthateverythinghaschangedinashortspaceoftime.Therepresentativesarethankedandtheysitdown.Isuggestthatchatterisminimalandthatdiscussionaboutwhodidwhattowhoandwhyshouldbeletgoof.Theworkhasbegun,buthasnotyetended.Theseekernowhastoallowthechangetopermeateherbodyandmind,suchthateverycellhasaveryslightlydifferentoutlook.Thatcantaketimeandisbestdonewithspaceandnotclamour.Ialsosuggestthatforconfidentialityreasonsthatanydiscussionoftheworksshoulddefinitelyincludethispieceofwork,butwithenoughdetailremovedorchangedtoprotectidentitiescompletely–justasIhaveinthisbook.
Sofeedbackfromthisparticularpieceofwork–theseekercanhavearelationshipwithsomeonewhowishesverymuchtobealiveandfortherelationshipitselftobealive.Themotherhasseenwhatsheintrinsicallyknewwastherealreadyandthesonhasbeenseenandcannowmodelhimselfonafatherthatwishestobepresent.Andthefathercanbreatheagain!Insteadoffeelingeverydaythatheshouldhavediedwithhiscomrades–themessagetohisdaughtergetstofeellikeitwouldhavebeenmorecorrectifshehadnotbeenborn–hardlyahealthyparadigmtoliveunder!
Thereisanunderlyingtruthwiththeloyaltything.Ifyouareaman,youshouldideallybeabitlikeyourdadandmarrysomeoneabitlikeyourmum.Equally,ifyouareawomanyoushouldbeabitlikeyourmumandmarrysomeoneabitlikeyourdad.InmanycasesthatisobservablefactandIhaveevenobservedagaymanwhosepartnerwasquiteabitlikehismuminattitudesandpersonalityeven.Ifyoulookaround,itiscommonenoughforthistobe
Chapter6–Whathealthconditionscanweconstellate?
Thesimpleanswerisanythingthathasconnectiontoasystemcanbeconstellated.GenerallychronicconditionsarethemostlikelytohavesomeMSPaspectsthatcanbeshiftedoralleviatedusingtheconstellationsmethod.Mentalconditionscanbeveryeffectivelyexamined,butinthesecases,(asinallcasesandindeedinallpsychotherapeuticwork)itisalwaysworthcheckingwhatwouldhappentotheclientiftheconditionwaseradicatedpermanently.Oftentheconditionperformsseveralfunctionswithinasystemandanecologicalcheck-upisalwaysessential.
Tobedefinitiveforamoment:
1. Weightdisorders–obesity/anorexia/bulimia2. Crone’sdisease3. Backpain4. Skinconditions5. IBS6. Cancer7. Addictions
1. Alcohol2. Smoking3. Gambling
8. Sleepapnoea9. Panicattacks10. Depression11. Bipolardisorder(ManicDepression)12. BorderlinePersonalityDisorder(BPD)
Thisisnotadefinitivelist,butaguidelinetothesortofconditionsthatmightbeworthyofalook.Ifmedicationisinvolved,thentheclientmustalwaystakeresponsibilityforengagingwiththedoctortoestablishifreductionorcessationofmedicaltreatmentwouldbeadvantageous.AConstellationfacilitatorshouldneverrecommendacourse,orthecessationofacourseofmedicinesprescribedbyamedicalprofessional.
Inoneconstellationawomanhadhadaskinconditionforyears,buthadrecentlyrealisedthatherfatherhadaskinconditionandhisattitudetoherhadbeenappallingandthatmetaphoricallyhemadeherskincrawl(herwords).Theconstellationshowstherelationshiptobemorethancoincidence.Soshesetsuptheworktoshowwhataskinconditionmightdoforherandwhoitreallybelongedto.Itshowedthatthestorywentbackandbackandthattheresolutioninvolvedritualsendingbackofthingsthatnolongerorneverdidbelong.Constellationsprovideaneasyplatformforcertaintypesofritual.Inthiscasegettingthefathersrepresentativetostatethat“Thishasnothingtodowithyou,youarejustachild”andhisfather ’srepresentativetosaythesameandhisfather ’srepresentativetosaythesamealongalineofpeopleintheworkshop,justseemstobeenough.Inthiscasetheworkhadbecomepossibleafterthewoman’sfather ’sdeath.Priortothat,thepriceofhavingthat
dialoguewouldhavebeentoohigh–wemightsayshewasn’tready,buttoengagewiththefatheronlyasanancestorenabledtoworktoflowandmeantthatdealingwithhisabuseandviolenceduringherchildhoodwasleft–thatworkhadalreadybeendone.
Chapter7–EatingDisorders
Eatingdisordersareveryoftenengagedtohidesomething.Therehasbeenconsiderableresearchintoanorexiaandinvariablythesuffererfeelsthemselvesmuchlargerthanthetapemeasureshowsthemtobe.Thisconfusionoftenarisesfromsexualabusefromwithinafamilysystem–mixedmessagesbytheperpetratorandbytheothersinthesystem–maybecomplicitmaybealsoabusedandmaybeabsentfortheirownreasons.Thebondingofthemothertothefathermaysignificantlychangeonthebirthofthechildandthefathermayfeelrejectedandabandoned–reminiscentofhisownchildhoodperhaps.Thesearchforintimacythendriveshimtofailtohonourproperboundariesandthesystembecomesabused.Thedaughterbecomesanorexicaspartofapatternofconfusionoftrustandoffailingtounderstandherplaceinanysense.
InoneofmyclientsIfoundthatseveralstepdaughtershadbeensexuallyabusedfromaveryearlyage.Theonethatsufferedfromeatingdisordershadactuallynotbeensexuallyabusedatall.Shewascompletelyawareoftheothersister ’sabuseandfeltshewasn’tprettyenoughtoattracttheabuser.Insomewaysherabusewasthemoredifficulttoreconcile.
Talkingtosuchanexampleofhistoricanorexiaintermsofnutritionandhealthyeatingcanbeseenaswellbeyondpointless.Thefactofherappearanceandthenotionofherappearanceareforeverindifferentplacesanduntilthosetwoaspectshavebeenassociatedandreconcilednothingwillchange.
Sometimestheeatingdisorderisasurvivalstrategytoalleviatethehiddenknowledgeoftheuntimelydeathofanancestralrelative.Inpastgenerations–saybeforethe1700sitwascommontolosechildreninchildbirthandmourningwasroutineandritualisedcommonly.Manymothersdiedinchildbirthandmanycommunitieshadstandardmethodsforhandlingsuchaffairs.Sometimesasibling’sfamilysemi-automaticallytookonthedeadmother ’schildren.ThenintheGeorgianandVictorianerasshameandguiltbecameatoolformanagingcommunitiesandmuchofthatritualdisappeared.Anunwrittencodeofsilencewasimplantedandwhenastillbirthhappened,no-onespokeofit.Indeed,sometimesthenextsurvivingchildwasevengiventhenameofthedeceasedchild.Ifyouagreethatnamingofchildrenisusuallytomimicourheroesbyassociation(thereareveryfewAdolfschristenedsinceWWII)thennamingachildafterachildthatdiedinbirthisariskythingtodo(NBinmybookonFamilyConstellationIrecountthestoryofmybrother ’sexperiencetothatend).Fastforwardagenerationortwoandthepressuretosurviveagainstalloddsmightreadilyyielditselftothefield.Inthatscenarioapersonmightfeeltheyneedtoeatanythingthatbecomesavailable,toensuregoodhealth,includingsurvivalofthespecies.Inyear10,000BClivingofffruitandsquirrelswhilstlivinginawood,theeatingdisordersuggestedbythatscenariomightnotshowitselfveryclearly,butin2015,withincredibleavailabilityoffoodobesitycomesveryeasily.Wedon’thavetoexerciseandwecaneatanything.WhilstIamnotsuggestingthatallobesitycomesfromagrandmotherthathadastillbornchild,Iamsuggestingthatitisoneoftheprecursors,inthesamewaythatanorexiahasbeenshownto
oftenoccurinfamilieswheresexualabuseofthechildhasoccurred.Inyoungchildren,sexualabuse,especiallybyaparent,usuallythefatherorstepfatherisexceptionallyconfusing.Theyfeelwrongyetlovedorspecial(theymaywellhavebeengroomedintothatsituation)theyfeeladultyetstillachild,nurturedandabusedallatthesametime,soforthemtocomeoutwithaconfusionaboutwhattheyfeel,asopposedtowhattheyseeinthemirrorishardlysurprising.Notethereferenceabovetothegirlwhobecameanorexicbecausesheherselffeltthatshehadn’tbeenprettyenoughtogettheattentionoftheabuser.
Chapter8–Howtosetupaconstellationabouthealth
Experienceandjudgementandgutinstinctgiveusthestartpoint,whichseldommatters,astheconstellationmethodisveryadeptatsowingusthewayforward.Whentherearegaps,theyshowup,whenthereareunusualconnectionsandassociations,theyshowupandwhenwegetitwrongandneedtoworkadifferentwayitshowsup–maybeintheformthatthereisjustnoenergyintheroomtoworkwith,oritfeelsasifthereisnopermission.
Peopleoraspects?Wecansetupconstellationswitheitherorboth.Iftheclienthasapropensitytohypochondriawhenwemightstartbyassumingthattheillnessesperceivedperformsomesupportiveroleinthesystem.Thatassumptionmightbeshowntobecorrectorincorrectintheinitialwork.Weworkwithwhatisandsetuptheparticipantsthathave“shownup”intheconversation,soourinitialsetupmightincludetheclient,theillness,themotherandtheintentforexample.Thefacilitatorwillalwaysneedtochoosewhethertheclientrepresentsthemselves,orwhetherheorsheisrepresentedbyaparticipant.
Sometimesthefreemovementofparticipantswillshowthedirectionofflowtowardsabetteroridealoutcome,sometimes,abitofguidanceisrequired,withsomedialoguebetweenthefacilitatorandtherepresentativesinquestion.Ifyoucanimagineascenariowhereanillnessalmosthasapersonality,theconstellationmethodgivesthatpersonalityavoice.Thenadialoguecanbegin,followedbymovementtoa“better”placeandhencearesolutionthatenablestheconditiontoleave.Thatmightrequireanancestorbeingbroughtintotakeresponsibilityorforsomethingthatwashiddenbeingrevealed,acknowledgedandhonouredorevenacombinationofboth.
Allowmetaphorsin.Theyareveryhelpfultostarttheballrollingespeciallywithagroupofclientsthatare1)experiencingconstellationsforthefirsttimeand2)arereluctanttoexpressthemselvesinconnectionwithothersforfearofdisturbingfamilyloyalties.Itisalwaysworthpointingoutthatwhilstitisexcellenttobeloyaltothestrengthswithinourrolemodels,itissimplystupidtobeloyaltobadstuff,orstuffthatharmsus.Mostpeoplegetthat.
Alwayspayattentiontothematernalsideasmoreimportant.MitochondrialDNAispassedthroughthegenerations.MymitochondrialDNAwasformedinmygrandmother ’swombhalfwaythroughthepregnancythatproducedmymotherin1915–overahundredyearsagonow!
Sowhatarewelookingforinaconstellationonhealth,mentalorphysicaloremotional?Whatdoestheillnessperformasawayofsupportingthesystemalbeiterroneously?Whatdoestheillnesshidefromclearviewaboutthesystem?Dowehavepermissiontolook?
Thatwillgiveustheguidelinesforwhatrepresentativesweneedtostarttheballrolling.Havingestablishedthestartpointitisoftenhelpfultojustwatchwheretherepresentativesmoveto.It’slikewatermovingdownhill–itisinevitablethattheconstellationwillfinditsequilibrium.Personally,whenIfacilitatesuchpiecesofworkIamquiteboldinsuggesting
possiblerepresentatives,becauseassaidbeforeiftheyaresuperfluoustheycansitdownagain,whereastheymightjustshowakeytoanewdoorwaythathadn’tbeenseenbefore,aswiththerottingmeatsmelltriggeringawholeotherstory.
Itisperfectlyinordertomixupconstellationswithpeopleandconceptsoraspects,soyoumighthaverepresentativesfortheclient,thegrandma,cancerandthesecret.Graduallyitbecomesclearthatcancerhidesthesecretandhencethesecretbecomesassociatedwiththecancer,releasingtheclientfromherassociationwiththecancer.Atthatpointgrandmachangeshercountenanceanditbecomesclearthatthesecretbelongstoheranditceasestoberelevantthatthereevenisasecret.Thecancerthenbecomeslessimportantintheconstellationandrecedes–hopefullyfollowedinreallifebythatsameenergy–thecancerlosesitsgripontheclientandrecedes.
Itsoundsfanciful,butithasbeendocumentedmanytimesandalthoughmyownresearchisinevitablyquitelimitedinnumbers,theoutcomesofconstellationworkhasveryoftenledtopeopleidentifyingachangeinamajoraspectoftheirlivesincludingserioushealthconditionsbeingattributedtothedaytheydidaconstellation.Theaspectsnotedhavebeeninthephysical,mental,emotionalandspiritualrealms.
Chapter9–RitualsandCeremoniestoclearancestraltimelineissues
Intheconstellationabouttheskinconditionwhatshowedupisthelikelydirectionforthesourceoftheoriginaltraumathatcausedtheskinconditiontomanifest.Chemicalsandmedicineshadn’ttouchedtheissueasitwasasomaticresponsetoanemotionalissue.Treatingthenextbitoftheconstellationasaritualobservingofthenextgenerationassuperiorandthereforeresponsible,itbecomespossibletohandtheissuebackalongthelineofancestorsandithardlymatterstotheclienthowfarbackitgoes,orwhethertheoriginalfaultisre-placed,itissimplythecasethattheissuehasbeenhandedbacktowardsitsoriginandtheclientisthenfreetocureandtoheal.
Inanotherceremonyanelderlymanfeltthathisstuffhadcomefromoutsidehisownexperienceandwaspuzzled.Onsettinguptheconstellationitbecameclearthatthegrandfatherhadneverbeenmourned.Indeed,thereappearedtoneverhavebeenafuneral.Atthatpointtheclientrevealedthathisgrandfatherhaddiedapauperintheworkhouse.Alargestonewaschosentorepresentthegrandfatherandaburialceremonywascarriedout.Thegriefshownbytheparticipantsattendingamockupeventsomehundredyearsafterthefacthadtobeseentobebelieved.Itwasexactlyasthoughtheyhadattendedagenuinefuneraloftheclient’sgrandfather.
Inanotherpieceofwork,itbecameclearthatasystemofparentingtheparentshadbeenestablishedsothatresponsibilitiesalwayslayinthewrongdirection–ithastobeseenthatwithoutyouparentsyouwouldn’texist–nottheotherwayround.Theritualestablishforsupportingtheworkthathadbeendoneinconstellationwassimplytoprintoutsomephotoswithgrandparentsplacedattheback,withparentsinfrontofthemfacingoutandthenchildrenandthenattheveryfront,grandchildren.Thiswastobeacknowledgedbythestatement“Itakemyplace”saiddailybytheclienttowardsthephotosthusreinforcingthatshehadnoresponsibilityforhermotherandthathermotherhadnoresponsibilityforhermotherandsoon.Itenabledtheclienttoresolvealongtermanxietyandfearthatassoonashermotherwasnotbeingattendedto,somethingdreadfulwouldbefallher.Ihaveusedthephotosequenceonanumberofoccasionstoreinforceworkthathasbeendoneinconstellationswhereadependentlinehasbeenfacingbackwards.Inthosescenarioschildrengetignoredandabused,soitisprettyimportanttoestablishcorrectlinesofresponsibility.
Chapter10–Conclusion
Constellationsenableustoseehowtheenergiesofthefamilysystemgetpasseddownthegenerations.Sometimeswefindthattherearethingsinourlivesthatjustwon’tfit,ordon’tbelong.Constellationsshowushowandwheretheyfit.Theyarenotaquickfixforallissuesofhealthandwellbeingandtheydonotneedtobeexaggeratedintheireffects.TheyareverygoodatstartingtheprocessofunravellingMSPeventsinourhistory.
Healthconstellationsarerunlikeanyotherconstellation.Itstartswithaconversationwiththeclientexactlywhenheorsheisreadytowork.Theconversationyieldsthebuildingblocksoftheconstellation–whoaretheparticipantsandwhat,ifany,otheraspectsarerequiredtoassisttheprocess.Ifthereappearstobeadynamicassoonasthesystemissetup,personally,Iwouldletitrunitself.Ifnot,thenIwouldinquireoftherepresentativeswhattheyareexperiencingstandingintheplaceofwhoeverorwhatevertheyaretheretorepresent.
Astheconstellationunfolds,variousaspectschangeandevolvesothatbytheendofthepieceofworkanumberofenergiesthatprovedtobedifficultfortheclienttomanagewithinhisorherlifehavefoundanewplaceandtheenergiesarenowmucheasiertohandle.Thehealinghasbegun.Ifthehealthissueisphysicalormental,thenanymedicationmustunderallcircumstancesbemaintainedaccordingtothemedicaladviser ’sguidelines.However,overtimeitmaybecomeclearthatthesymptomsofthesomaticexperienceareevolvingordissipating(somaticiswhenemotionalpainisexpressedinthephysicalrealmasrealpainorillness).Atthatpointcuringandhealingwillhavebeguntocoexistwithintheclient.
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[1]Playpeoplearesoldastoys,butalsoinsetsforconstellationpractitioners.Theyareusedasrepresentatives–especiallyofthejuxtapositionbetweenpeopleinfamilies,andareexceptionallygoodatenablingchildrentoarticulatedeeppsychologicalissueswithfamilies,abuseorwithhealth.