REARING GREAT LEADERSTips for Parents

Table of Contents

About the Study

Session 1—Starting the Conversation: Basics for Building LeadersKey Verse—Proverbs 20:11

•Session1:SmallGroupQuestions•Session1:CaseStudyDiscussions•Take-HomeHandout:FamilyConversationJar

Session2—HowParentsCanHelpTheirKidsBecomeGoodLeadersKey Verse—Proverbs 22:6

•Session2:FourRolesoftheProverbs22:6Parent

Session3—FollowtheLeaderKey Verse—Mark 8:34

•Session3:SmallGroupQuestions•Take-HomeHandout:FollowtheLeaderConversationQuestions

Session4—SeizetheDay!Key Verse—Deuteronomy 6:6-7

•HowtobeaDeuteronomy6:6-7Parent

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About the Study

Thisparentingclassisdifferent.Youwon’tfindanyinformationhereaboutpotty-training,tantrumsorstickercharts.Wewon’tbetalkingabouthomeworkhassles,curfewsorwhetheryoushouldgiveyourchildanallowance.Parentingmagazinesandwebsitesaddressthosehottopicsregularly.Thefocushereisleadership,specificallyhowyouasaparentcaneffectivelynurturetheleadershippotentialinyourchildsothatheorshecanmakeapositivedifferenceintheworld.Thisclassisaboutraisingchildrenthatshinealightandinfluenceothersforgoodinsteadoffollowingthecrowd.It’saboutraisingindividualswhodotherightthingandinfluenceotherstodotherightthing,too.Weneedmorepeoplelikethatinourworld.

Fewchildrengrowuptobepresidentorheadtheirowncompany,butallchildrenhavethepotentialtoinfluenceothers.Greatleadershipisnotnecessarilyafunctionofposition.Rather,greatleadershipisafunctionofcharacter,motivationandpurpose.Positivelyinfluencingothersistheessenceofgreatleadership.Yourjobistoteachtheskillsandfacilitatetheopportunitiesrequiredtodeveloptheleadershippotentialinyouruniquelygiftedchild.Theselessonswillhelpyouidentifywhatneedstobedoneanddevelopaplantodoit.

MuchoftheinformationfromthesehasbeenadaptedfromTimElmore’sbook,Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know.Classfacilitatorswillbenefitfromreadingitbeforeleadingthesessions.Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Knowwouldbeahelpfulresourceforparentstakingtheclass,butthelessonsaredesignedsothatparentscanbenefitandparticipatewhetherornottheyreadthebook.

Thesefourlessonsaredesignedforparentsofschool-agedchildren.Eachlessoncanbeeasilyadaptedtofitina60-to90-minutetimeslot.Alongertimeallowsfordeeperdiscussionandopportunitiesforparentstoexchangeideasabouthowtoapplytheconceptsintheirfamilies.

Thelessonsaredesignedtoworkwellforsmallgroupsorlargerclasses.Asmallgroupsittingaroundaclassroomtableorinalivingroomfacilitateseasysharing.Facilitatorsofsmallgroupscanignorethesmallgroupandwholegroupdesignations.Simplyworkthroughthesessionstogether.Forlargergroups,havingtablesthatseatfourtosixpeoplenaturallyestablishessmallgroupssothatyoumayeasilytransitionfromsmallgroupdiscussiontowholegroupinstruction.

Ifparticipantsdonotalreadyknoweachotherwell,providenametags.Encouragesessionmemberstointroducethemselvesandsharealittleabouttheirchildrenbeforedivingintothecontent.

Eachsessionincludesahandouttobeusedtoguidesmallgroupdiscussionsandactivities.Sessions1and3includeatake-homeapplicationhandout.Parentswillcreateafun,personalizedtake-homeapplicationprojectinSession4.

Openandcloseeachsessioninprayer.PraythatGodwillusethistimeforHisglory.

Purposefulparentingisnotaboutwaitingforteachablemoments.Itisaboutcreatingteachablemoments.Theselessonswillhelpyoudothat.

GodblessyouasyouteachandparentwellforHim!

AmberPeacock,M.S.,M.Ed.DirectorofFieldworkandAdjunctProfessorEducationDepartmentRandolph-MaconCollege,Ashland,VA

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Session 1: Starting the Conversation: Basics for Building Leaders

Key Verse: Evenachildisknownbyhisactions,bywhetherhisconductispureandright(Proverbs20:11,NIV1984).

Key Concept: Nurturingtheleaderinyourchildisimportant,urgentandpossible.

Objectives: 1. Parents will list reasons for purposefully nurturing leadership qualities in their children. 2. Parents will learn the six areas of development required for optimal leadership development and identify

which of those areas may need more attention in our culture and in their homes.3. Using a given case study, participants will identify parenting behaviors that hinder leadership

development and brainstorm alternative parenting behaviors that would nurture leadership in the given scenarios.

Recommended Reading for Class Facilitators:•Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Tim Elmore, Chapters

1-3.•Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore, Chapter 2

Preparing for the Lesson:Makeaconversationjarforeachsmallgroupinyourclass.Jellyjarsorsimpleplasticcontainerswithlidsworkwell.Printasetofthequestionsbelowforeachconversationjar.Cutthequestionsapartandplaceeachsetinajar.Conversationjarsareasimpleclassroomtoolthatcanbeusedtoincreaseparticipationinclassdiscussionandallowleaderstoeasilyfacilitatesmall-groupsharingeveninlargeclasses.Modelingtheuseofconversationjarsduringthefirstsessionwillhelpparentslearnhowtouseconversationjarsathomelatertoinspirediscussionaboutimportanttopicswiththeirchildren.

Conversation Jar Questions:•Whatdoesbeingaleadermeantoyou?•Doyouwantyourchildtobealeader?Whyorwhynot?•Whatmakessomeoneagreatleader?

Session: • SmallGroup

- Dividetheclassintosmallgroupsofthreetofivepeople.- Have small group members introduce themselves to each other and share the names and ages of their

children. - Use the conversation jars you have prepared. Have group members draw a question from the jar and

read it aloud. Allow everyone in the group to respond to each question.

•WholeGroup- After small groups have had an opportunity to answer the questions in their conversation jars, lead

the whole group discussion emphasizing the following points.- ReadProverbs20:11,“Evenachildisknownbyhisactions,bywhetherhisconductispureandright.”Ourchildrenarebecomingtoday.Becomingwhat,wedonotyetknow,buttheprocessof

becoming has already been set in motion. Our children are already developing character and are alreadyknownbywhethertheirbehaviorisgoodorbad.

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Our children are learning lessons about character (good and bad) at school and soccer, dance classanddinner,whilewaitinginlineandsurfingonline.Ourchildrenareinfluencedbypeers,parents, teachers and strangers. The media gladly offers them advice on what to wear, what to buy andwhattolike.Everyonewantstoinfluenceourchildren.Everyonehasanagenda.Parentshaveapowerfulwindowofopportunitytonurturethetraitsandteachtheskillsrequiredforourchildrentomakerightchoicesandinfluenceotherstodothesame.Forthisclass,leadershipreferstotheabilitytoinfluenceothers. Nurturing the leadership potential in our children not only helps them to become a positive influenceintheworld,butalsohelpsthemtobemorediscerningabouthowtheworldinfluencesthem. Few children grow up to be president or head their own company, but all children have the potentialtoinfluenceothers.Goodleadershipisnotnecessarilyafunctionofposition.Rather,goodleadershipisafunctionofcharacter,motivationandpurpose.Positivelyinfluencingothersistheessenceofgreatleadership.Yourjobistoteachtheskillsandfacilitatetheopportunitiesrequiredtodeveloptheleadershippotential in your uniquely gifted child. These lessons will help you identify what needs to be done and develop a plan to do it.Goodleadershipisnotnecessarilythefunctionofaspecificpersonalitytype.Leadersmay

possess a variety of personality traits.

Therearemanykindsofleadersandmanystylesofleadership.Eachofourchildrenisuniquewithdifferentinterests,talents,strengths,weaknessesandquirks.“Beencouraged—yourjobisnottoforceyourchildintoaroletheyarenotcutoutfor,buttohelpthemreachtheirpotential.”1

Nurturingtheleaderinyourchildmeanshelpingyourchilddothefollowing(adaptedfrom Nurturing the Leader in Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to KnowbyTimElmore):

•Knowthemselves•Developtheirgifts• Findtheirpassion•Valuepeople• Learnperseverance• Pursueexcellence2

Leadthegroupthrougheachofthesixthingsparentsmusthelptheirchildrendotobecomegreatleaders.Askthegrouptoexplainwhateachmeans,usingthehelpfulexplanationsinparenthesesasneeded.

•Knowthemselves(developingahealthyself-awareness;understandingone’sownpersonality;identifyingone’sstrengthsandweaknesses)

•Developtheirgifts(investinginskill-training,lessons,practice)• Findtheirpassion(exploringnewfieldsofinterests,tryingoutnewhobbies,clubsorsports;exploringa

variety of meaningful causes for which one can serve)•Valuepeople(learningthejoyofunselfishness,caringaboutothersandsharingwithothers;learningto

appreciate and love people that are different or difficult) • Learnperseverance(developingpersistence,diligenceandasolidworkethic)• Pursueexcellence(learningtodoone’sbest;beingdiscerningabouthowtospendone’stimeandenergy;

avoiding laziness)

Small GroupOncethegrouphasdescribedwhatismeantbyeachofthesesixgoals,invitethesmallgroupstodiscussthe

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followingquestions.(Thesequestionsareonthehandouttobecopiedforeachsmallgroup.)• SmallGroupQuestions:

1. Ofthese6goalswearetohelpourchildrenachieve,whichistheeasiest?2. Whichisthemostdifficult?3. Whichareadoyouthinkgetsthemostattentionintoday’sparentingculture?4. Onwhichareadoyouthinkparentsinvestthemosttimeandmoney?5. Whichareadoyouthinkismostoverlookedintoday’sparentingculture?Why?

Whole GroupAllsixareasareimportant.Forbestresults,everyareaneedsattention.Workthroughthelistofsixgoalsonemoretimeaskingthefollowingquestions.

•Whatdoyouthinkmighthappenwhenateenoryoungadultdoesnotdevelopahealthysenseofwhotheyare?

•Whatdoyouthinkmighthappenwhenateenoryoungadulthasnothadtheopportunitytodeveloptheirgiftsorfindtheirpassion?

•Whathappenswhenateenoryoungadultfailstodevelopadeepappreciationforotherpeople?•Whathappenswhenateenoryoungadultfailstodeveloptheabilitytoperseverewhensomethingisdifficult?

•Whathappenswhenateenoryoungadultneverlearnstoappreciateorstriveforexcellence?

Small GroupInvitesmallgroupstoreadthecasestudiesonthehandoutandanswerthequestionsastimeallows.(Tip:Inaclassroomwithsmallgroupsincloseproximity,assignsmallgroupstostartwithdifferentcasestudies.Thishelpsindividualsfocusontheirgroup’sdiscussion.)

Whole GroupReviewandPreview:Concludethesessionwiththefollowingassessmentquestions.Closewithapreviewofobjectivesforthenextclasssession.

•Doyouthinkleadersarebornormade?(Whileleadershipskillscomemorenaturallytosomeindividualsthanothers,everyonehasthepotentialtoinfluenceothers.)

•Doesyourchildhaveleadershippotential?Howdoyouknow?(Yes.Everysingleoneofourchildrenhasthepotentialtoinfluenceothers.)

•Whenisthebesttimetostartnurturingtheleadershippotentialinyourchild?(Now.Whetheryourchildis 2 or 12, now is the time to get started.)

Theobjectiveforthenextsessionistoidentifythefourimportantrolesparentsmustplaytoeffectivelyhelpchildrenachievethesixgoalswetalkedaboutduringthissession.Therewillbeanopportunityforparentstotailorsomeofthepracticalideastotheirownchildrenandsituations.

Homework Assignment:UsetheSession1ConversationJarhandoutathomewithyourchildrentohelpstartconversationsaboutleadershipconceptswithyourchildren.

Footnotes1TimElmore,Nurturing the Leader in Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know (Nashville:ThomasNelson,2004),10.2Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,10.

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Session 1 Small Group Questions

Nurturingtheleaderinyourchildmeanshelpingyourchilddothefollowing(adaptedfromNurturing the Leader in Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to KnowbyTimElmore):

•Knowthemselves•Developtheirgifts• Findtheirpassion•Valuepeople• Learnperseverance• Pursueexcellence

1.Ofthese6goalswearetohelpourchildrenachieve,whichistheeasiest?

2.Whichisthemostdifficult?

3.Whichareadoyouthinkgetsthemostattentionintoday’sparentingculture?

4.Onwhichareadoyouthinkparentsinvestthemosttimeandmoney?

5.Whichareadoyouthinkismostoverlookedintoday’sparentingculture?Why?

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Session 1 Case Study Discussions

Case Study #1Laurenhasafriendwithjuvenilearthritis.Laurenispassionateaboutfindingacureforherfriend’sdisease.HerparentsencourageLaurentostudyhardsothatonedayshecanbeadoctorandhelpotherchildrenwhohavespecialhealthcareneeds.

•WhatelsecouldLauren’sparentsdotosupportLauren’spassiontohelp?•HowcouldLauren’sparentsnurtureherleadershippotentialgivenherpassiontohelpherfriend?

Case Study #2Noah’sclassisparticipatinginamissionproject.Theteacherhasaskedeachchildtobringinitemstopackgoodieboxestotaketochildrenatahomelessshelter.Noah’sdadgiveshim$5andtellshimtogivethemoneytohisteacherfortheproject.

•WhatimportantlessonscouldNoahlearnfromparticipatinginthisproject?(Considerthesixtasksparents need to help their children achieve to become good leaders.)

•Whatcouldhisdadhavedonedifferentlytomakethisaneffectiveleadershiplearningopportunity?

Case Study #3Kaylawantstojoinasoccerleaguewithherfriends.Herparentsthinkitwouldbeagoodideaforhertobeonateam,buttheleague’sgamescheduleconflictswiththefamily’sSundaySchoolandworshipschedule.Kayla’sparentssuggestedsigningupforadifferentleague,butKaylawantstoplayonthesameleaguewithherfriends.

•Whataretheoptionsinthissituation?Whichdoyouthinkisthebestoptionandwhy?•HowcouldKayla’sparentsusethissituationasaleadershiplearningopportunityforKayla?

Case Study #4Jackistenyearsoldandwantstogotosciencecamp.Jackhasneverspentthenightawayfromhome,butassureshisparentsthatheisreadyandresponsibleenoughtoattendaweekatcamp.

•HowcouldJack’sparentsdetermineifJackisindeedreadyandresponsibleenoughtoattendcampawayfromhome?

•HowcouldJack’sparentsusethissituationtonurturetheleadershippotentialintheirson?

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Session 1 Take-Home Handout

Family Conversation Jar

Makeaconversationjarforyourfamily.Ajellyjarorasimpleplasticcontainerwithalidwillworkwell.Cutthequestionsapart.Foldupeachquestionandplacethemallinthecontainer.Conversationjarsareafunandsimpletoolthatcanbeusedtostartimportantconversations.Useyourconversationjaratdinner,inthecar,oratbedtime.Pickthetimethatworksbestforyourfamily.Letfamilymemberstaketurnsdrawingaquestionfromthejarandalloweveryonetoanswereachquestion.Don’tfeelobligatedtogetthroughallthequestionsatonce.Drawoneortwoandsavetherestforlater.Feelfreetoaddyourownquestionstothejar.Includefunnyandlight-heartedquestions,too!

Whatdoesbeingaleadermeantoyou?

Doyouwanttobealeader?Whyorwhynot?

Whatmakessomeoneagreatleader?

Whoinfluencesyou?

Whomdoyouinfluence?

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Session 2: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Become Great Leaders

Key Verse: Trainachildinthewayheshouldgo,andwhenheisoldhewillnotturnfromit(Proverbs22:6,NIV1984).

Key Concept: Parentsneedtodeterminewhatcharactertraitsandattitudesaredesiredforhealthyleadershipdevelopment.Parentsneedtoconnectwith,examine,listentoandactivelyguidetheirchildtofacilitatethedesiredcharacterdevelopment.

Objectives: 1. Parents will identify the character traits and attitudes they believe are necessary for their child to be a

good leader.2. Parents will explore the four roles they must play to effectively nurture the leadership potential in their

child (adapted from Nurturing the Leader within Your Child by Tim Elmore).3. Parentswillplanspecificwaystoconnectwith,observe,listentoandleadtheirchildinwaysthat

facilitate leadership development.

Recommended Reading for Class Facilitators:•Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Tim Elmore, Chapter 4.

Preparing for the Session:WritethesixgoalsthatparentsneedtohelptheirchildrenachievefromSession1onadryeraseboardorposterpaperintwocolumnsasdemonstrated.

Know themselves Value others Develop their gifts Learn perseverance Find their passion Pursue excellence3

Session:WholeGroup:Askparticipantshowleadershipwasdefinedinthefirstsession.Leadershipwasnotdefinedashavingapositionofauthorityoverothers,butashavingtheabilitytoinfluenceothers.Writetheequationonthedryeraseboardabovethelistofsixgoalsthatyouhavealreadyprepared.

Leadership = Ability to influence others

Add“Great”beforeleadershipand“positively”beforeinfluenceasshown.

POSITIVELY GREAT Leadership = Ability to ^ influence others

Inthefirstsessionweidentifiedsiximportantgoalsthatwemusthelpourchildrenachieveandnotedthatsomeoftheareasusuallygetmoreattentionwhileotherareasseemtobegettinglessattentioninthecurrentparentingculture.(Addtheadditionsymboland“=LeadershipQuality”tothelistyouhavepreparedontheboardasshown.)

Know themselves + Value Others = Leadership Quality Develop their gifts + Learn perseverance = Leadership Quality Find their passion + Pursue excellence = Leadership Quality

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Forbestresults,wemusthelpourchildrengrowinallsixoftheseareas.Knowingthemselveswithoutvaluingotherscanleadtoselfishness.Fullydevelopingtheirgiftsrequiresperseverance.Thepursuitofexcellencewillhelpthemchooseapassionoftruevalueinwhichtoinvesttheirtimeandenergy.

Quicklyreviewthefollowingpoints.•Allchildrenhavewithinthemthepotentialtobeinfluential,andthus,thepotentialtobeleaders.• Eachchildisunique.Yourjobisnottoforceyourchildrenintorolestheyarenotcutoutfor,buttohelpthemreachtheirleadershippotential.Whatevertheirpersonality,interests,strengthsandweakness,asparentswewanttonurturethoseleadershipqualitiesinthemthathelpthemmakeapositivedifferenceinthe world.

Whyisnurturingtheleadershippotentialinourchildrenimportant?(Allowtheclasstorespond,fillinginthegapswiththefollowingpointsasneeded.)

•AccordingtoleadershipdevelopmentspecialistDr.AlanNelson,authorofKidlead: Growing Great Leaders, “By fourteen, our moral fabric is pretty much established. Even though we learn to articulate our standardsandphilosophybetterthroughoutteenyearsandearlyadulthood,wearenotlikelytochangesignificantly,outsideoftraumaticexperiencesthatmarkus…Adultcharacterisprettymuchestablishedbyfourteenyearsofage.”4

• Itisourresponsibilityandprivilegetoteachchildrentousetheirinfluenceforgood.• Itisourresponsibilityandprivilegetonurturediscernmentinourchildren.Notonlydoesnurturingpositiveleadershipencouragethemtobeapositiveinfluenceintheworld,italsohelpsthemtochoosewisely who they will follow.

Howdidyourchildrenanswerthefollowingquestionsthisweek?•Whatmakessomeoneagoodleader?•Whoinfluencesyou?•Whodoyouinfluence?

Inyouropinion,howaccurateandthoroughweretheiranswers?Whoorwhatdoyouthinkinfluencesyourchildthatyourchilddidnotlist?Doyouthinkyourchildoverestimatesorunderestimateshisorherowninfluence?Why?

Increasingyourchild’sunderstandingofinfluence,includinghowtheyareinfluencedandhowtheycaninfluenceothers,isagoodstartinleadershipdevelopment.Howcanyouteachyourchildwhatitmeanstoinfluenceothers?(Allowparticipantstoanswerandaddthefollowingpointsasneeded.)

•Talkaboutwhoinfluencesyouandwhoyouinfluence.•Talkabouthowcommercialsandthemediaaredesignedtoinfluenceourdecisions.Useexamplesfrom

your everyday life.•Helpyourchildidentifypositivenegativeinfluences.•Talkabouthowyourchildcanbeapositiveinfluenceoranegativeinfluenceonothers.• Foryoungerchildren,usesimplerlanguage.Forexample,ask,“Whodoyouwanttobelike?Whodoyoulistento?Whodoyoulookupto?Whodoyouadmire?”Askthem,“Whowantstobelikeyou?Wholistenstoyou?Whodoyoulookupto?Whoadmiresyou?”

PassoutSession2SmallGroupDiscussionQuestionhandout.

Astheparentandtheleader,identifytheleadershipprinciplesandrelatedcharactertraitsyouwantyourchildtodevelop.Bespecific.(Allowtheclasstoanswerandwritetheiranswersondryeraseboardor

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largeposterboard.Answerswillvary,butmayincludeconceptslikehonesty,integrity,strongworkethic,creativity,goodlistener,etc.)

WhatmadeJesusagoodleader?(Allowclasstoanswerandaddanswerstothelistyouhavealreadystarted.PossibleresponsesmayincludethatJesuswaspersuasive,responsible,self-controlled,moral,honest,kind,unselfish,strategic,inspiring,wise,unmovedbyflatteryorinsults,steady,compassionate,courageous,persistent,committed,agoodcommunicator,etc.)

Developmentofthislonglistofcharactertraitsandattitudesrarelyoccursbyaccident,osmosisorjustbecause.Thiskindofcharacterdevelopmentmostoftenoccurswhenparentsparentwithaplanandtheendgoalfirmlyinmind.

AccordingtoDr.TimElmoreinNurturing the Leader within Your Child,parentsneedtoplaythefollowingrolestohelptheirchildrendevelopthesetraits:

1. Host5—Whatdoesagoodhostdo?(Makeyoufeelwelcomeandcomfortable.Talktoyou.Makeconversation.Showaninterest.Lookforopportunitiestoserve.)Gooutofyourwaytoconnectwithyourchild.Thinkabouthowwouldtreataguestinyourhome.Wouldyoutreataguestbetterthanyoutreatyourchild?Makeyourchildfeelwelcomeandvaluedathome.

2. Doctor6—A good doctor would never write a prescription before ascertaining the needs and condition ofthepatient.Agooddoctorspendstimeobserving,examiningandaskingquestionsbeforemakingadiagnosis.Ourchildrenneedustoobserve,examineandaskquestionsbeforedolingoutinstructions.Notallchildrenarealike,soourprescriptions,ourinstructions,ourparentingshouldbeindividualized.

3. Counselor7—Beanactivelistener.Connectwithyourchild’sthoughtsandfeelings.Findwaystocommunicatethatyoucareandvaluethem.Sometimesourchildrenneedustobeadoctorwithaprescription—for us to listen and provide a solution. Other times, being heard is what our children needthemost.Listenwithyourearsandyoureyes.Watchyourbodylanguage.Allowemotionstobeexpressed appropriately and express your own emotions appropriately.

4. TourGuide8—“Ourjobistogetthemtotheirdestination;aplacetheymaynothavebeenabletoarriveatontheirown.”Providefreedomtoexplorewithinhealthyboundaries.Createopportunitiesforyourchildrentogrowandstretch,facilitatebeneficialexperiencesbasedonwhatyouhavelearnedastheirhost, doctor and counselor. Consider the leadership principle or character trait you want your child to develop and, as their tour guide, create the opportunity to learn it. For example, if your child needs to learntobegenerous,howcouldyoucreateapowerfulopportunitytoserveorgive?

Footnotes3Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,10.4Dr.AlanNelson,Kidlead: Growing Great Leaders(Charleston,SC:BookSurge Publishing,2009),42.5Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,44.6Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,477Elmore,Nurturing the Leader, 51.8Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,54.

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• SmallGroupDiscussion:HavesmallgroupscompletetheSession2handoutonthe4rolesofaparent.

•WholeGroup Review and Preview:

-Whatwasoneitemonourlonglistofcharactertraitsandattitudesthatyouwouldliketotargetthisweekwithyourchild?

- Ofthefourroles(host,doctor,counselorandtourguide),whichiseasiestforyou?-Whichroleisthemostdifficultforyou?- InthenextsessionwewilllookatscripturalexamplesofJesus’leadershipandapplythoseideasto

our roles as leaders of future leaders.

Homework:Askyourchild,“WhatmadeJesusagreatleader?”Recordyourchild’sresponses.

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Session 2 Small Group Discussion Handouts

Trainachildinthewayheshouldgo,andwhenheisoldhewillnotturnfromit.Proverbs22:6,(NIV1984)

Identifythegoals.Whatcharactertraits,attitudesandleadershipskillsdoyouwanttonurtureinyourchild?Bespecific.

Next,withthesegoalsinmind,identifyhowyoucanbeabetterhost,doctor,counselorandtourguide.

Homework: Thisweek,askyourchild,“WhatmadeJesusagoodleader?”

Host (Connect)What can you do to better connect with your child?

Doctor (Observe/Examine)What can you do better to understand

your child’s unique needs?

Counselor (Listen)What can you do to communicate

how much you care about your child’s concerns? Be specific.

Tour Guide (Lead)Choose one of the specific leadership skills you listed. How can you create

an opportunity for your child to develop that skill?

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Session 3: Follow the Leader

Key Verse: Thenhecalledthecrowdtohimalongwithhisdisciplesandsaid:“Whoeverwantstobemydisciplemustdenythemselvesandtakeuptheircrossandfollowme”(Mark8:34,NIV).

Key Concepts: Jesusbringsoutthebestinus.Greatleadersbringoutthebestinothers.

Objectives: 1. ParentswillexploreleadershipstrategiesofJesusfoundinLuke9.2. ParentswillexplaintheimportanceofprovidinggreatleadershipandfollowingJesusChrist.3. Parents will identify how to bring out the best in their children.

Recommended Reading for Class Facilitators:• Luke9•Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know,Chapters8-9.

Preparing for the Session:ParticipantswillneedBiblestouseinthesmallgroupdiscussionduringthislesson.MakeenoughcopiesoftheSession3SmallGroupDiscussionGuideforeachparticipant.

Session:WholeGroup:LastweekIaskedyoutoaskyourchildren,“WhatmadeJesusagreatleader?”

•Whatanswersdidyourkidsgive?•WhataboutJesusdoyouthinkmadeHimagreatleader?

Allowparticipantstolistanswers.TherearemanyaspectsaboutJesusthatmadehimagreatleader.Duringthisclasswe’llfocusonthefollowingfact:Jesuswasagreatleaderbecausehebroughtoutthebestinhisfollowers.

SmallGroups:Havesmallgroupsworkonthe“Session3SmallGroupDiscussionGuide.”Ifyouhavemultiplegroupsandarelimitedbytime,assigneachgroupadifferentpassage.Iftimeallows,havegroupsreadanddiscussmultiplepassagesfromthediscussionguide.Thisisprimarilyaninteractive,dialogicallesson.Participantswilllearnmostfromwrestlingwiththeconceptsinthepassagesanddiscussinganswersandpossibleapplicationstogether.Allowplentyoftimeforsmallgroupdiscussion.

WholeGroup:Ifpassagesweredividedamonggroups,allowgroupstosharewhattheylearnedwiththelargergroupbeforemovingontothekeyleadershipconceptsbelow.

Introducetheleadershipconceptsbelow.Writetheboldpointsonalargedryeraseboard,posterpaperorinaPowerPointslideshowforemphasis.

• Great leaders need great leaders. Ifwewantourkidstobecomegreatleaders,wemustprovidegreatleadershipforthem.Ourkidsneedtoknowwhoandhowtofollow.

•The best and only perfect leader is Jesus Christ. Howwilltheyknowwhoandhowtofollowifwedon’tteachthem?We teach our children to follow Jesus Christ by following Christ ourselves. We model daily obedience to Christ for our children.

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•Following Jesus brings out the best in us. HowdoesfollowingJesusbringoutthebestinus?JesuscallsustofollowHimbecauseHelovesusandhasourbestinterestatheart.HeknowsthatfollowingHimwillbringoutthebestinus.He’sjustwaitingforustofigurethatout.Themorequicklywefigurethatout,thebetter.Themorequicklyourkidsfigurethatout,thebetter.FollowingJesuswillbringoutthebestinthem, too.

•Great leaders bring out the best in others. Aswebringoutthebestinourkids,ourkidswilllearntobringoutthebestinothers.Ourkidshavethepowertobuildothersuportotearothersdown.Kidscanbecruel.Or,kidscanbekind.

FinishthesessionbyhavingsmallgroupscompletePart2ofthe“Session3SmallGroupDiscussionGuide.”

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Session 3 Small Group Discussion GuidePart 1

Readthepassagesassignedtoyourgroupandanswerthequestions.Bepreparedtoreportbacktotheclass.• Luke9:1-6• Luke9:12-17• Luke9:46-48• Luke9:51-56

HowdidJesusbringoutthebestinhisfollowers?Bespecific.

WhatotherexamplesfromtheBiblecanyouthinkofinwhichJesusbroughtoutthebestinhisfollowers?

Whatcanyoulearnfromthesepassagesthatcanbeappliedtoparenting?

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Session 3 Small Group Discussion GuidePart 2

FollowingChristbringsoutthebestinus.OnewayChristleadsusisthroughscripture.TheBiblehasgreatparentingandleadershipadvice.Readthefollowingversesandanswerthequestionswithyoursmallgroup.

ReadEphesians6:4

•Whatisthedifferencetrainingachildandexasperatingthem?•Childrencanbecomeexasperatedwhenaparent’sactionsandattitudesareinconsistentwithwhatthe

parent expects of the child. Are you practicing what you teach, or are there inconsistencies in your leadershipandbehavior?

ReadEphesians4:29

•Whatencouragingwordshaveyouspokentoyourchildtoday?•Doyouspendmoretimeofferinghelpfulinstructionorcriticism?•Goodleadersleadbyexample.Areyourwordsbeneficial?• Isyourtonerespectful?

Read1Thessalonians5:11

•Considerthelessonswe’vebeenlearninginclass.Whatareyoualreadydoingthatnurturestheleadershippotentialinyourchild?

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Session 3 Homework

Talkabouttheseconceptswithyourchildren.Cutthequestionsapartandputtheminyourconversationjar.Pulloutonequestionaday.Useyourconversationjaratdinner,inthecar,orbedtime.Pickthetimethatworksbestforyourfamily.Giveeveryoneinthefamilyachancetoanswereachquestion.

Greatleadersneedgreatleaders.•Whydoweneedleaders?•Whydoleadersneedleaders?

FollowingJesusbringsoutthebestinus.•HowdidJesusbringoutthebestinhisfollowers?

FollowingJesusbringsoutthebestinus.•HowcanJesusbringoutthebestinparents?

FollowingJesusbringsoutthebestinus.•HowcanJesusbringoutthebestinkids?

Greatleadersbringoutthebestinothers.•HowcanIbringoutthebestinmyfamilymembers?Bespecific.

Greatleadersbringoutthebestinothers.•HowcanIbringoutthebestinmyfriends?Bespecific.

1Thessalonians5:11:Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.•HowcanIbuildsomeoneupthisweek?

Rearing Great Leaders 19

Session 4: Seize the Day!

Key Verse: ThesecommandmentsthatIgiveyoutodayaretobeonyourhearts.Impressthemonyourchildren.Talkaboutthemwhenyousitathomeandwhenyouwalkalongtheroad,whenyouliedownandwhenyougetup(Deuteronomy6:6-7,NIV).

Key Concept: Thebesttimetonurturethecharacterinourchildrenistodayandeveryday.Fortunately,therearefoureasywaystofitthisintotheschedule.

Objectives: 1. Parents will identify four times a day that they can incorporate leadership training into their schedule

basedonDeuteronomy6:6-7.2. Parents will create personalized leadership tools to use at home with their children.

Recommended Reading for Class Facilitators:•Nurturing the Leader within Your Child: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Tim Elmore, Chapters

10-11.

Preparing for the Session:Thisisaninteractive,kinestheticlesson.Parentswillmakeapersonalizedleadershiptoolortoolstosharewiththeirchild.Whateachparentmakeswilldependontheage,interestsandpersonalityoftheirchild.ThefacilitatorwillneedacopyoftheSession4Handout,HowtoBeaDeuteronomy6:6-7Parent,foreachparticipantandavarietyofcraftmaterialsfromthelistbelow.Participantswillalsoneedtablesatwhichtowork.

•Box,plasticcontainer,jarorChinesefoodboxforeachparent•Markers,thinandthick• Pencilsandpens• Stickers•Colorfulslipsofpaper•Notecards

Session:WholeGroup:Toooften,ourgoodintentionsaresnuffedoutbybusyschedules.Weleaveclasseslikethesewithgoodideasbutnoclearplantoimplementwhatwe’velearnedinameaningful,effectiveway.Nottoday.Ourobjectiveistocreateaplanandmakesomepersonalizedtoolssothatyoucanstartpurposefullyimplementingtheconceptsweexploredoverthepastthreesessions.

Reviewthekeyversesfromeachclass.Havesomeonereadeachofthefollowingverses.• Proverbs20:11• Proverbs22:6•Mark8:34•Deuteronomy6:6-7

ThefollowingfourstepstobeingaDeuteronomy6:6-7parentareadaptedfromNurturing the Leader within Your ChildbyTimElmore.9

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1. Show up. Your children are enormously blessed to have you for a parent. The fact that you are attending aclasslikethisindicatesthatyouarecommittedtobeingthereforyourchild.

2. Wake up. To most effectively impact your child, you have to get in touch with their world, their needs,theirconcernsandwakeuptotherealitythatourtimetotrainthemislimited.Wehavebrieflyaddressedtheseissues.CheckoutTimElmore’sbooks,Nurturing the Leader within Your Child and Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future, for more information about the challenges that parents need to address.

3. Set up. Plan. Prepare. Be proactive. Figure out what you want your child to learn and how you are going to teach them. Figure out what they need to practice and how you will create opportunities for them to get that practice. That is our focus today. That verse we read in scripture tells us exactly how and when to do it.

RereadDeuteronomy6:6-7.“Insteadofmerelyreactingtocircumstancesandhopingsometeachablemomentarises,wecanpredictthedailyopportunitieswewillgetevenafewmomentswithourkids—andmakethemostofthem.”10 Mornings,meals,traveltimeandbed-timearedailyopportunitiestoconnect.Wedonothavetoaddanythingtotheschedule.Rather,wejustneedtohaveaplaninplacetousethatvaluabletime!

Fortherestofourtimetogether,yougettocreatesomethingtousewithyourkids.Youcanwritethemleadershipnotes,createaconversationjar.Composesomeclevertextsorinvestsometimewritingadetailedlistofcharactertraitsandleadershipconceptsyouwanttoteach.Getcreative!

HandoutHowtobeaDeuteronomy6:6-7Parent.Haveparentscreatepersonalizedtoolstousewiththeirchildrenfortheremainderoftheclass.

Closing Challenge:4. Speak up.Talktoyourkids.Donotlettheseopportunitiespassyouby.

•Arethereleadershipskillsyouwishyouhadlearnedearlierinlife?Makeaplantoteachthattoyourchild.

•Aretherewaysthatyouknowyourchildhasapositiveinfluenceonothers?Tellyourchild.• Starttheconversationandkeeptalking.•Askyourministerhowyourchildcangetinvolvedatchurch.Servetogether.•TellyourchildthatGodhasaplanforhim/hertoinfluencetheworldforgood.Askhim/herhows/hethinksGodwantshim/hertoinfluenceotherstoday.

Iftimeallows,letparentssharewhattheyhavecreatedandhowtheyplantouseitwiththeirchildren.

Thisisourlastsessiontogether.Thankyouforsharinginthislearningexperience.ThankyouforyourcommitmenttohelpingyourchildtodevelopintoagreatleaderforJesus!

Closethesessionwithprayer,thankingGodforthefamilies.

Footnotes9Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,132.10Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,133-134.

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“How to be a Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Parent” Handout

Takeadvantageofeverydayopportunitiestoconnectwithyourchild.SeeDeuteronomy6:6-7foratrainingschedulethatworks.Trythesecreativeandeffectivetoolsforteaching.

Write notes.Writeleadershipnotestoyourchild.Putthemintheirlunchbox,ontheirmirrororundertheirpillow.Doesyourchildhaveaphone?Textthem!Don’tknowwhattowrite?Startwithscripture.Pickoutinspiringandinstructionalverses.Hereareafewideastogetyoustarted.

•Romans12:1-2(TheMessage): So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping,

eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Inspiringquotesareperfectfornotes,too.Whenyouhearorreadagreatquote,writeitdownforyourchildortextittoyourteen.

Make a list of character traits and leadership concepts you want your child to develop. You’llbeafarmoreeffectiveteacherifyouhaveyourobjectivesclearlyinmind.Doyouwantyourchildtohaveastrongworkethic?Putthatonyourlist.Doyouwantyourchildtovalueothers?Putthatonyourlist,too.DoyouwantyourchildtohaveastrongfaithandcloserelationshipwithGod?Putthatatthetopofyourlist.Useyourlisttoguideyourconversations,prioritizethefamilyscheduleandparentwithpurpose.

Make a new conversation jar. Putquestionsinajar.Includequestionsaboutthecharactertraitsandleadershipconceptsonyourlist.Thisisafunandeasywaytostartmeaningfulconversations.Includefunny,sillyandseriousquestionstokeepitinteresting.Usetheconversationjarinthecaroratthedinnertable.Taketurnspullingoutquestionsandhaveeveryoneanswerthequestions.Letyourchildwritequestionstoaddtothejar,too.

HereareafewgoodquestionsfromTimElmore’sNurturing the Leader within Your Child.11

•Whatisthetoughestthingaboutbeingyourage?•Whatisyourbiggesttemptation?• Ifyoucouldchangesomethingaboutyourself,whatwoulditbe?•Whatdoyoustrugglewithmostaboutyourfaith?•Whatareyourthoughtsaboutthefuture?•Whatdoyoulookformostinafriend?•Whatisthescariestthingaboutgrowingup?•WhatgiftsdoyoubelieveGodhasgivenyou?•HowcanIhelpyougrow?

•Proverbs20:11• Proverbs3:27• Proverbs4:23• Proverbs10:4

• Proverbs21:23• 2Timothy1:7•Matthew7:12• 2Corinthians7:1

• 1Timothy6:6• 2Timothy2:23•Colossians3:12-14• 1Corinthians10:13

Footnotes11Elmore,Nurturing the Leader,149.