Relating About Dating final · WHAT IS DATING ABUSE?!Abuse is a PATTERN of behaviors that are used to try to gain POWER and CONTROL over another person in a dating relationship.!It

Talking To Teens About Healthy Relationships

RELATING ABOUT DATING

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“WHY DON’T ADULTS TAKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS SERIOUSLY?”

-Real Somerset County Teen



LET’S CHAT!1 in 3 teens will experience some form of dating abuse before

high school graduation

!Survivors of dating abuse are more likely to experience lower grades, higher drug and alcohol abuse rates, increase suicide ideation, and more violent adult relationships

!72% of 13- and 14-year olds are dating; Kids who bully others in middle school are 7 times more likely to admit hitting their dating partner in high school

Come & Get It by Selena Gomez

I'm gon' love you for life, I ain't leaving your sideEven if you knock it, ain't no way to stop itForever you're mine, baby I'm addicted, no lie, no lie

Movies and Books

Music

Social Media & Memes

Celebrities

YOUPEERS


SPEAK EarlySPEAK OpenlySPEAK Frequently

DATING

TalkingFriends w/ benefits

Hanging out

Meeting IRL

Deepliking

Chilling

ExclusiveFreckling

CuffingNon-date date

Grafting

Breadcrumbing

AKA

TMRELATING ABOUT DATING

RIGHTS

RESPONSIBILITIES&

!I have the right to not be abused physically, emotionally, or sexually

!I have the right to “fall out of love” with someone

!I have the right to safely express my own opinions

!I have the right to grow as an individual and not be criticized for it

!I have the right to have my own friends, and to spend time with them

!I have the right to be respected and loved, and to live a peaceful life

!I have the right to say “no”

!I have the right to change my mind


RIGHTS

!I have the responsibility to not abuse my partner

!I cannot blame anyone else but myself if I’m abusive

!Alcohol cannot be used as an excuse for abuse

!It is my responsibility to understand

that the relationship is only one part of my life

!It is my responsibility to find support from a reliable source if I am being abusive or being abused

!I am responsible for my own life


RESPONSIBILITIES

RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES CONTRIBUTE TO A HEALTHY AND EQUAL RELATIONSHIP

Teen Their Partner

LET’S GET REALLearning about teen relationships using real examples, real

questions, and real statements made by Somerset County teens

Riley and Jesse: A gender neutral couple who have been exclusively dating for a while

Your job: For each situation, decide if the behaviors described are ok, unhealthy, or abusive. If unsure, you can select “it depends”.

Add comments, reactions, and thoughts in the chat box!

WHO’S THAT?

Riley was looking through Jesse’s Instagram page, and saw that there was one user that kept responding to a lot of Jesse’s posts, and was using a lot of heart emoji. Riley kept asking Jesse who this was,

and told Jesse to block this person because it was obvious they were flirting with Jesse.


How an adult can respond or talk about this relationship issue

What teens frequently say to us in classrooms and groups

NOTHING TO HIDE

Jesse asked Riley to hold their phone for a minute. The phone was unlocked, so Riley looked through it to see who Jesse had been

texting.




TEXTUAL HARASSMENT

Jesse’s phone died, and their mom wouldn’t let them go charge it until after dinner. When Jesse turned it back on, there were 5 voicemails and 15 text messages from Riley asking where Jesse was and who

they were with.




BUT EVERYONE DOES IT…Riley kept on asking Jesse to send some naked pictures to look at

while they were apart. Jesse kept on saying “no” – they had an officer come in to school and say that people could get in a lot of trouble.

Riley said, “Well if that’s the case, then everyone I know is in trouble. Seriously, it’s no big deal, everyone does it.” Although they still didn’t

feel comfortable, Jesse agreed to send Riley some pics.




EVERYTHING’S UNDER CONTROL…Riley and Jesse are in another argument. Riley gets very angry and starts throwing and breaking things, and punches a hole the wall. Jesse is scared, but Riley said that if Jesse had just been a better

partner and considered Riley’s needs more, there wouldn't be a need to be so angry. Riley hit the wall, not Jesse, so everything's OK.




YOU’RE MY EVERYTHINGJesse has finally had enough and works up the courage to break up with Riley. When Jesse tries to break up, Riley breaks down. Riley is

sorry, but just loves Jesse so much and couldn’t live if they were apart. Riley threatens to commit suicide if Jesse goes through with

the breakup.




PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER


WHAT IS DATING ABUSE?!Abuse is a PATTERN of behaviors that are used to try to gain POWER

and CONTROL over another person in a dating relationship.

!It can take on many forms – physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, digital, or stalking.

!It can happen in-person AND online, with casual OR serious relationships.


“HOW CAN I TELL IF MY CHILD IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?”


DATING ABUSE WARNING SIGNS!Changing the way they act or dress

!Worried about texting their partner back right away

!Making excuses for their partner

!Avoid hanging out with their friends, saying that their partner says their friends (or family/parents) are against the relationship

!Unexplained bruises or marks


WHAT IF I’M CONCERNED?!Listen! Validate their feelings even if you don’t agree with them

!Establish safety: offer to call Safe+Sound Somerset together

!Focus on their partner’s behaviors, avoid putting down their partner

!Use the conversation to explore their options; avoid telling them what to do

!Keep on talking; you never know when some info will “click”


“WHAT IF I WORRY ABOUT HOW MY CHILD IS TREATING THEIR PARTNER?”


IF YOU SEE YOUR CHILD ACTING ABUSIVELY!Call it out - don’t ignore the behavior

!Don’t let them blame the target or others

!Recommend that they reach out to trained professionals

!Remind them that they can get in trouble and that respect benefits them

!Set an example! Exhibit healthy behaviors, communication, and respect in your own relationships!


SETTING THE STAGE TO TALK" Have conversations frequently, it’s an

ongoing process

" Do your own research, you’ll feel more confident!

" Assess your values. Identify ahead of time what you’re willing to share, and what experiences you want to keep to yourself

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS

!Love should feel good!

!Impact > Intent

!Everyone deserves to be treated equally in their relationships

!Just because everyone does it, doesn’t mean everyone should be doing it.


LET’S GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED!!What’s a healthy way to fight? Can you think of a time you

would have fought differently?

!Who’s someone you know that has an unhealthy relationship? Why?

!Whose relationship would you like your relationships to be like? Why?

!What can you do if someone threatens you, or pressures you to do something you’re uncomfortable with?

!What are some relationship “rules” or expectations you’ve heard about? How might they contribute to an unhealthy or healthy relationship?



SAFE+SOUND SOMERSET SERVICES

!24-Hour Call or Text Hotline: 866.685.1122

!Safe Shelter

!Counseling

!DVRT

!Legal Advocacy

!Financial Empowerment Center

!Family Advocacy

!Domestic Violence Liaison

!SPEAK Outreach and Prevention


RESOURCES!Safe+Sound Somerset’s 24-Hour Call or Text Hotline: 866.685.1122

!Teen FAQs, Power/Control, and Teen Equality Wheels: http://www.safe-sound.org/blog/speak-teen-leadership-conference/

!National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1.800.273.8255

!Loveisrespect.org – a website dedicated to empowering teens to end abusive relationship

!Breakthecycle.org – a coalition of adults committed to learning about, talking about, and ending dating abuse


REFERENCES!Hattersley Gray, Robin. "Dating Abuse Statistics." School Safety.

http://www.campussafetymagazine.com/article/Dating-Abuse-Statistics

!www.breakthecycle.org

24 Hour Call or Text Hotline 866.685.1122

NEED HELP?

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Relating About Dating final · WHAT IS DATING ABUSE?!Abuse is a PATTERN of behaviors that are used to try to gain POWER and CONTROL over another person in a dating relationship.!It