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Resilience:Strengthening Skills that Help You and the People You Work with to Stay Grounded,
Compassionate, Refreshed and Positively Engaged
Facilitated by Beth Weinstock2017
When you think of resilience, what words come to mind?
When you think of people you consider resilient, what adjectives come to mine?
1) What gets in the way of resilience?
2) What builds it?
3) How do we as leaders stay balanced and supportive to others when stress and anxiety challenge resilience?
4) How do we keep our hearts open and available for this hard work and the challenge of sustaining resilience?
My story: the voice of negative
Self-talk and its distortions
Lucy: our ancestor
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Early Childhood ExperiencesAnd Family Dynamics
•
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Development of Negative Self-Talk, Fear and Distortion
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
No point in trying
I’ll never get the job
They won’t pick me
I can’t possibly learn that material
They didn’t mean to say it
If they only knew….
I’m too sensitive
I’m making a mountain of a mole hill
I’m such an idiot
I never do it right
I’m just not smart-enough
I’m way too slow
What if I can’t do it?
What if they think I’m better than I am?
Maybe this is the wrong decision
Maybe they won’t include me
Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said
Internal Voices that Undermine Resilience
Thoughts Create Emotions that lead to behavioral outcomes
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Voice of the Inner Coach
Bring to mind a time of challenge or vulnerability when
someone was your cheerleader, a good
coach, mentor, teacher or boss.
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Voice of the Inner Coach
• Stays non-judgmental• Keeps a neutral tone• Encourages excellence, not perfection• Creates safety to receive feedback• Promotes ownership of strengths• Supports assertive behavior• Sorts out fact from fiction • Guides us to notice and absorb what is positive
Job Description of the Inner Coach is to CounteractNegative Self-talk
Meet & Greet
Inner Critic Message: “I’m so stupid”
Quality You’re Proud Of: “I’m resourceful”
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Awareness of Selective Attention
“The real voyage of discovery is not in finding new landscapes, but new eyes”.
Prousthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Neuroplasticity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELpfYCZa87g
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Neuroplasticity
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Thought Patterns & Stories We Tell Ourselves
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock, PhD, All Rights Reserved
• All-or-Nothing Thinking
• Disqualifying the Positive
• Jumping to Conclusion• Emotional Reasoning
• Should Statements
• Personalizing
See complete list in handouts
What are your main thought distortions?
Working with undermining voices to strengthen your Inner coach
Identify:1. Situation– No response to my idea, just silence
2. Thought - “My idea must sound fool; that’s why no one said anything.”
3. Feeling - shame, embarrassment, anger
4. Story- “I am never clear and never get understood… “this group will not value me”
5. Possible Destructive Action- I will drop out
6. Constructive Inner-Coaching™ Message – “That’s a story! You don’t know why they didn’t respond“……” check out what people are thinking”…”See if you can say your idea more clearly if that is the problem” …..“Even if people don’t like the idea it doesn’t mean it is foolish”
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Worksheet: Thought Patterns
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Situation Thoughts Feelings Story Inner-Coaching™ Voice
Practicing the voice of your Inner coach
In small groups
come up with as many inner-coaching™ messages as possible for each situation
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
3 Step Process for Shifting Negative Self-Talk
Hear - Notice Thoughts & Stories
Interrupt - Pause the Self-Talk
Replace – Constructive coaching message
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
How what we think influences how we feel and may influence behavior and generates our impact.
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Let’s turn to resilience for
our physical body
The Nervous System:
• Sympathetic is our fight/flight/freeze response
• Parasympathetic system is our relaxation response
sympathetic
parasympathetic
_____________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________
_____________________________Depression and/or
shut down
High anxiety
High activation
Managing Stress & Fortifying Resilience
Breathing techniques
Gratitude
Guided imagery
The Power of Body Poses (Any Cuddy)
Self-protection against criticism (Brene Brown)
The Power of compassion for self and other
Calming others
The power of your presence to regulate other’s stress
First responder intervention: “You are safe right now….”
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Visual Imagery for Supporting Mind & Body
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Game Changer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmR2A9TnIso
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
•
How do we stay both courageous, keep an open heart and True to Self
Copyright © 2011 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Brené Brown:
“Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-JXOnFOXQk
2:39-9:39
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2017 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock PhD, All Rights Reserved
Compassion What message would be helpful to hear from
your Inner Coach?
May I be safe, peaceful, kind, accepting
Books to Boost Courage, Resilience & Self-Confidence
• The Pursuit of Perfect - Tal Ben-Shahar
• Bouncing Back - Linda Graham
• There is Nothing Wrong with You - Cheri Huber
• The Self-Esteem Companion: Challenge the Inner Critic - McKay, Fanning, Honeychurch & Sutker
• Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up & Leave Insecurity Behind - Kristin Neff
• The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
• Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love,
Parent, and Lead – Brene Brown
• The Resilience Factor - Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte
Copyright © 2016 Jane Shure, PhD, & Beth Weinstock, PhD, All Rights Reserved