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Rules of Revising
O 85%-100%: You will not revise.O 75%-84%: You may make the decision to
revise or not.O 74% or less: You must revise.
If you received a 74% or less, you must revise. Failure to turn in a revised essay will result in a loss of 8% (2 points) from your grade on the essay because you are being given in class time to do this. You must make sufficient and effortful revisions.
Revisions cont’d
O You must have your essay at school on a computer on Friday. If your final typed version is at home on the computer, you need to email it to school or bring it in on a flash drive.
O On Friday, if you do not have it or if you do not have your graded draft with my feedback on it to help you revise, you will lost points on your essay grade AND participation points for the day.
Revisions cont’d: Turning it in
O You must turn in your new final draft with the changes you made highlighted on it, and you must turn in your original final draft (with my feedback on it) and your rubric.
O I will not accept your revised version if you do not highlight your changes and/or if you do not have your original graded final copy. I have to be able to compare and see what you changed.
O This is all due on Tuesday at the beginning of the hour.
-YOU MAY NOT USE ANY FORM OF YOU, WE, OR I UNLESS IT IS IN A QUOTE.
-YOU MAY NOT USE CONTRACTIONS
-Using a slash like when saying She is greedy/unhappy means you can’t make up your mind. Pick one. You’re the writer of the essay, so you should be an expert on what you’re saying and should be able
to make up your mind.
Formal Voice Reminders:
Correcting Short Hand
• FRAG or FRAGMENT= Fragment (incomplete sentence)
• awk=awkward (doesn’t sound like we would say it)
• w.c.= word choice• / = lowercase the letter the slash is through (or
if it’s the middle of a word, get rid of the letter—sp. error)
• d =uppercase the letter (in this example, the d)• sp= spelling error• expl.= explanation• trans.= transition
Prepositional IdiomsO ungrateful for
O accepting of
O miserable about O feels miserable about sounds better
than is miserable about
O unhappy about (probably sounds the best in most cases)
Spelling MistakesOMathilde OLoisel OMathilde’s life changes and that causes
changes in her personalityO loses Ofeeling Oclothes Oaccepting (NOT excepting—this excepting means to
exclude/leave out)
O Miss Hayes looked it up: acceptive is technically a word, but it is not used often at all. Consider using accepting instead.
Possessive apostrophe vs Contraction apostropheO Possessive:O Mathilde’s change is shown…
O The change belonging to Mathilde= possessive
O Mathilde’s unhappiness is shown when..O The unhappiness belonging to Mathilde=
possessive
O Contraction: O Mathilde’s unhappy because she does not have
nice things.O Mathilde is unhappy because she does not
have nice things. You need a noun after Mathilde’s for it to be possessive:•Ex: misery, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, acceptance
Fragments (FRAG)O A fragment is an incomplete sentence.
O You are missing a subject and/or verb, or the way it’s written doesn’t express a complete thought.
O Example: After Mathilde loses the necklace.O After Mathilde loses the necklace…WHAT?
O This is an incomplete thought because you’re left wondering information.
O After Mathilde loses the necklace, her personality changes. (This is a complete thought now.)
Run-ons• A run-on is when you have too many improperly joined
complete thoughts in one sentence.– Example: Mathilde becomes accepting of her life after
she loses the necklace, she learns to do the housework.• Sentence 1: Mathilde becomes accepting of her
life.• Sentence 2: After losing the necklace, she
learns to do the housework.
– Fix a run-on by placing a period between the two sentences and then making the first word of the second sentence uppercase.» Mathilde becomes accepting of her life.
After she loses the necklace, she learns to do the housework.
No Should-ingO You want to leave your opinion out of an
analytical essay as much as possible.O Avoid saying things like: She should have been more
grateful for the life she had.O You’re job is NOT to say what Mathilde SHOULD HAVE
done. Your job is to say what she DID do and what it SHOWS about her personality.
O We’re not writing about the moral or theme of the story for this essay.
O Our topic is also NOT whether her life was better before or after losing the necklace.
Things, Stuff= Vague word choice
• One quote that shows that Mathilde is miserable is when the narrator says, “She had no evening clothes, no jewels, nothing” (28). This shows that Mathilde is unhappy because she does not have nice things.
• Instead of saying things, say …because she does not have nice-looking evening clothes or jewels.– Bring in the language of the quote
Quotes
• One quote that shows that Mathilde feels miserable about her life is when the narrator says, “She had no evening clothes, no jewels, nothing” (28).
Notice the comma here before the quote begins
Notice that you have to introduce your quote with a transition like ‘One Quote that shows…’ AND you have to say who says the quote
YOU MUST COPY THE QUOTE DIRECTLY FROM
THE BOOK. WATCH YOUR
PUNCTUAITON, & SPELLING.
Explaining Quotes• Your explanation needs to bring in the
language of the quote and relate the quote directly back to the trait you are talking about.
– Example: One quote that shows that Mathilde is miserable is when the narrator says, “She had no evening clothes, no jewels, nothing” (28). This quote shows that Mathilde does not have many belongings such as jewels or nice evening clothes. The fact that she wants these items but does not have them and cannot afford them makes her unhappy with her life.
Concluding Paragraphs• THE CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH NEVER, EVER,
EVER ADDS NEW INFORMATION TO THE PARAGRAPH.
• If you talked about unhappy and accepting in your thesis and body paragraphs, those are the ONLY traits you discuss in your concluding paragraph.– You may use synonyms for unhappy and accepting if
you’ve ALREADY used them in the body paragraphs. Make sure they are ACTUALLY synonyms.• Greedy, ungrateful, and selfish ARE NOT necessarily
synonyms for unhappy