Revision of Writing

By He Shunzhi

May 8, 2008

I. Writing An Event

An Unforgettable Day

I saw an unforgettable thing the other day. It was 10 a.m. An old lady walked out of the bank with a handbag in her hand. So she was standing in front of the bank. Suddenly a man robbed the old lady of her handbag. He ran away quickly. The old lady shouted, “Stop thief! Stop thief!”. Someone immediately dialed 110. Two young men began to run after the thief. In no time, the thief was caught and the policemen arrived. The old lady thanked the young men again and again. I think the two young men were brave and I should learn from them.

Questions:

When?

Where ?

Who?

What ?

How?

Discussion: My Birthday Party

Questions:

When did you have the party?

Where did you have it?

Whom did you invite?

What did you do at the party?

How did you feel?

My Birthday Party

Last Sunday was my 16th birthday. I had a party at home. I invited many friends to my home.

They gave me a lot of lovely presents. Tom gave me a book. Alice gave me a card. We watched some cartoons together and played some interesting games. Then my mother made us a nice cake. My friends sang “Happy Birthday” and we ate the cake happily. We had a good time at the party. I felt very happy. (80 words)

Group A: Planting Trees

Group B: Our Sports Meeting

Group C: A Trip to Shanghai Zoo

Planting Trees

March 12 is Tree-planting Day. On March 12 this year, we went to a new park to plant trees.

Look! The sun was shining.How hard we were working! Some were digging, some were putting the trees in the holes, others were carrying water and watering the trees. Though we were very tired, we felt happy, because we know that trees are our friends and the best pollution fighters. Next spring we will again go there to plant trees. (80 words )

Our Sports Meeting

Last Friday our school held a sports meeting. Many students in our class entered for it. Li Pin runs fast, so he took part in the 800-meter race. He won the second place. Wei Fang took part in the discus-throwing and she won the third place. I joined in the high jump. Unfortunately I did not win any prize. I felt unhappy. But my classmates told me not to worry about that. They said that it is more important to take part in it than to win it. (87 words)

A Trip to Shanghai Zoo

Yesterday we made a trip to Shanghai Zoo. We gathered at the school gate first and then we went there by bus. There were many kinds of animals of animals at the zoo. We took some photos with the elephants. But we liked the monkeys best, because monkeys were very clever and naughty. They made us laugh a lot. We had a picnic on the grass and played some games. We had a good time. I really liked the trip to Shanghai Zoo.

(80 words)

II. Writing An Opinion

We should not watch too much TV

I think we should not watch too much TV. Firstly, it is not good for our eyes. If we sit in front of the TV set for a long time, we will become short sighted very easily and quickly. Secondly, some TV programs are not suitable for us. They may cause us to do bad things. Thirdly, Watching TV for too much time means wasting a lot of time. We will have no time to finish our homework. So in my opinion, we should not watch TV for a long time.

(91 words)

What is the Topic Sentence?

What are the Supporting Sentences?

What is the Concluding Sentence?

Discussion:

It is unnecessary for a student to use a mobile

Topic Sentence:

Supporting Sentences:

Concluding Sentence:

It is unnecessary for a student to use a mobile.

Nowadays more and more students have got mobile phones. But I think it is unnecessary for a student to use a mobile. First, most students use mobiles to send short messages each other or even play games. It is a waste of time. Secondly, buying a mobile will cost much money. We are only consumers. Thirdly, if we need to communicate with our parents, we can ask our teacher for help. So in short, it is not necessary for us to use mobiles. (82 words)

Group A : The Importance of Keeping Healthy

Group B : The Earth is Our Friend

Group C: The weather in Shanghai

The Importance of Keeping Healthy

Everyone wants to be healthy, because it is very important. If we are healthy, we can do useful things for our country. But how to keep healthy? First, we should have a good diet. We should eat not only fish and meat, but also fruit and vegetables. We had better have less junk food. Secondly, we should have sports every day, it is good for our health. Finally, we must have good habits, for example, we should not smoke. How important it is to be healthy!

(84 words )

The earth is our friend

It is common knowledge that the earth is our friend. First, we have only one earth that we live on. Secondly, it provides us with everything we need such as food and clothes. So everyone should do helpful things for her. For example, we must stop polluting the rivers and lakes. We should plant more trees and grass to make our environment nice and clear. Please remember we have only one earth. We should protect her. She is our friend.

(80 words)

The weather in Shanghai

We like the weather in Shanghai. It is neither too hot nor too cold. In spring, it is warm. Trees turn green and flowers come out. In summer, it is hot. We can go swimming. Sometimes it rains hard. In autumn, the weather is cool. Leaves begin to fall. And we have a lot of fruit. In winter, it is cold. When it snows, we can go out to play with it. The weather in Shanghai is very nice. We love it very much.

(82 words)

III. Writing a letter

上海松江洞泾学校九年级（ 1 ）班

李 平 收

松江七中初三（ 2 ）班 魏芳寄

Wei FangClass Two, Grade NineNo.7 Middle SchoolSongjiang, Shanghai

Li Ping Class One, Grade Nine Dongjing School Songjiang , Shanghai

Dear Li Ping,

Thank you for inviting me to see the wonderful film. But I am afraid that I can’t go because I am busy going over my lessons. Thank you anyway.

With my best wishes.

Your pen-pal,

Wei Fang

May 8th, 2008

Homework:

Try to re-write the above 8 passages with the help of the models.