Riley’s Whomp

ExpiredAlphabits EXPOSED!

User NateLooney gives an excellent infographic of

Expired “Autism ” Alphabits and his idiocracy.

Read on page 4

Ross V. Debs -- Ross V. Liar

Undercover reporter

ExpiredAlphaTits

exposes everything you

need to know about

America’s fiendiest

fiend.

Read on page 3

Capitol Club Mayhem

Probably-Reptile

AdmiralJones

undercovers secrets

lies and other spooly

dookies on page 5!

Sponsored in part by the Libertarian Party

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Ross V. Hayek?

3

Ross V. Debs: Is he actually Ross V. Hayek?

Recently events have lead to many suspect that the popular social sit and current

Secretary of Veterans, Ross V. Debs is actually a staunch supporter of capitalism.

Questions regarding his actual socialist tendencies first arose when upon seeing

a picture of Hayek, Ross exclaimed "That looks like my grandpa!". After some crafty

research (and the bribing of quite a few geneticists) this reporter was able to make

a direct connection between Ross and the Austrian economist. He was indeed Ross'

grandfather!

Now upon further questioning Ross was reluctant to confirm whether or not Mr.

Hayek was indeed his grandfather, but below you will find a transcript of events:

Expired: *Pounds loudly on door* Mr. Debs it is /u/Ed_San from the ANA could I

speak with you for a few minutes?

Ross: *Door cracks open slightly* What do you want?

Expired: Mr. Debs recently you have admitted to saying "That looks like my

grandpa" in response to seeing a picture of Friedrich Hayek. Is he indeed your

grandfather?

Ross: *Releases a heavy sigh* I've said it multiple times that there is no proof that

is the case.

Expired: Mr. Debs what would you say I told you that I have the genealogical

records proving that he is your grandfather?

Ross: *Looks at records* Expired my boy you paint me however you think will be the

most interesting. *slams door shut*

There we have it ladies and gentleman, a confirmation that Ross is Hayek's

grandson and by extension a strong capitalist. I for one congratulate Ross for

coming out of the socialist closest and stepping out into the fresh, efficiently-

run world. And Ross, your official Bourgeoise Membership Card is in the mail.

Thank you dear readers for taking the time to read this wonderful piece of

investagive journalism and remember: Fuck the Mods

Capitalistically Yours,

ExpiredAlphaTits

4

ALTERCATION IN THE CAPITOL CLUB

5

(The Capitol Club, Washington D.C.)

Reports have been coming in this morning about an altercation taking place last night at the

Capitol Club between two prominent members of the United States government. The patrons of the

Capitol Club were having a nice, calm evening of pleasantries and conversation when the Western

State Clerk and Speaker of the Western State Assembly, /u/Juteshire (Dis-WS), who is in town for a

State Clerk’s conference, confronted a rival state clerk over some disagreements they had been

having earlier that day.

One patron of the restaurant last night, House Majority Leader /u/locosherman1 (S-NE), gave his

recollection of events. “We all know that the West and Northeast have been at each other’s throats

since Ben issued his executive order. The guys up in the Northeast have really been running wild

since Ben left though. Ehbrums is doing his best but even he’s pretty unhappy with the way things

have been going up there,” the Majority Leader recalled.

The “Ehbrums” in question is, of course, Congressman /u/ehbrums1 (S-NE), the Northeast State Clerk

and prominent Socialist. Mr. Ehbrums could not be reached for comment regarding the incident

taking place last night, so we were forced to rely on other eyewitness accounts. One such

eyewitness was Congressman /u/PM_ME_YOUR_PANZER (R-SO), who recounted the argument to us.

“Juteshire just kinda staggered over to where Ehbrums was sitting drinking with a few others and

started mouthing off at him about how degenerate the Northeast is and how Ehbrums ought to be

ashamed of what goes on up in those parts. Ehbrums doesn’t really like to take shit from anyone

though so Juteshire was kind of out of his element on this one.”

Another witness on the scene was famed frequenter of the Capitol Club, Congressman /u/landsharkxx

(D-NE). “Ehbrums was just kind of sitting there rolling his eyes as Juteshire was rambling on,”

recalled the Congressman. “Eventually Ehbrums got fed up with it and looked Juteshire straight in

the face and said ‘why don’t you get out of my face fruitcake’. And that just set Juteshire off.”

According to reports, a physical altercation followed, with /u/Juteshire lunging at /u/ehbrums1

as if to attack him, only to run straight into a vicious uppercut from the Northeast State Clerk.

Congressman and former Northeast Governor /u/ben1204 (D-NE) was on the scene as well. “Juteshire

hit the floor like a sack of potatoes man,” Ben said, getting his words out through bouts of

laughter. “Ehbrums has been a master of drunk-fu for as long as I can remember. Juteshire was

nipping at the wrong heels man.”

Once the fight was settled, the establishment was mostly calm until closing. We reached out to

Senator /u/MoralLesson (Dis-WS), who was busy talking with Congressman Ehbrums at the time of the

encounter. When asked, as a leader of the Distributist Party, if he had any comment about Juteshire’

s actions, he merely said “Look man, he isn’t my problem anymore. I’ve done my fair share over in the

West but I’ve gotta focus on writing more bills for the Senate now. Juteshire’s Mormon anyway. How

weird is that? At least those Northeast atheists are predictable.”

Similarly to Mr. Ehbrums, Mr. Juteshire could not be reached for comment. The Western State Clerk

will be heading back to California today to resume his activities in his home state.

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/r/MCNN

/r/ModelAmnestyThere when justice needs us...

/r/60sModelUSGov

The 60s have just begun...

Jews around the nation!

The Jewish Caucus!