Romantic Relationships

DatingWatch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umc7BFEhWz0

Love

What the world generally refers to as love is an intense

emotionality combining physical attraction, possessiveness,

control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty.

David R. Hawkins

Power Vs Force, pg71.

Love

Love is that condition in which the happiness of

another person is essential to your own.

Robert Heinlein

Love

RelationshipsThe Elements of Attraction

ProximityThose similar to usProjection

Believing our desired one carries the traits we want

Bargaining (someone in your league)

RelationshipsThe role of sex in attraction,

although discussed in early psychological theories, is underestimated.Sex Affects Your Thinking, and You Don

’t Seem to Care

People prefer to believe in mystical reasons for their attraction than their more base drives.

AttractionEarly childhood relationships

Attachment Style

Secure Anxious Avoidant

Influences how we behave in relationships.

Although often consistent over relationships, it can change in regard to the power differential in the relationship.

Seinfeld, Upper Hand, And Relationship Attachment Style

Love

AttractionMemory, Familiarity, and its impact on

picking a partner (A General Theory of Love)Alcohol issues, abusive partnersHow this attraction can be counterproductive

“Crazy” in love How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction

to People Who Are Good for You

RelationshipsDrama:

Many say they want a drama free relationship, yet their behavior demonstrates otherwise. They become bored in healthy, stable

relationships. They may cheat:

To bring excitement Because they want the passion that comes

with a new relationship. They may report not being “in love” with their

partner anymore.

RelationshipsThe Real Reason Many Get Married:

PossessionTo be a Princess or Prince for a DayCultural Influences

We are programmed from an early age to believe marriage is the norm, a way to happiness, an expectation.

It has almost become a competition Bigger diamonds, weddings, etc.

Why You Really Want To Get Married

RelationshipsCompanionship

Life partnerSomeone to make life easier, to travel

with usThis is at least beneficial to men:

Statistics indicate men live longer when married. Women have slight health benefits, when in a

happy marriage.

How to Pick Your Life Partner

RelationshipsCompensation

Many believe opposites attractAlthough we tend to marry those similar to

us…Often personality traits are opposedThis can help bring one into a more

balanced personality.

Soul Mates

Our survey from 2011 indicated approximately 75% of those surveyed (the largest population

was female college students) believe in the idea of a Soul Mate.

This can lead to unrealistic expectations, including the expectation of a “super

relationship”.

Making Relationships WorkUnderstand some of the differences

between men and women.Empathy versus Solution focus

Empathy Vs. Solution FocusWatch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

Making Relationships WorkHave realistic expectations for the

relationship and your partner.

Remain Present in the relationship.Be With Me Or Let Me Be

Avoid falling into parental roles.When Men Are Boys and Wives Are Mothers

Making Relationships WorkBe honest in your relationship

Full disclosure may not be necessary, but honesty is imperative to a healthy ongoing relationship.

Secrets kill relationships

Do not become too secureSecurity can lead to taking another for

granted. If you remain mildly anxious about the state

of your relationship, you will work harder at it.

Making Relationships WorkCommit to working on things.

Our culture has led to an emphasis on immediate gratification.

Relationships have ups and downs, but some exit when the relationship is in a down.

Relationships take work, and patience. If you want a relationship to last you must commit to working on it.

The Blurry Line of LoveWhere does acting out of Love end,

and being a sucker begin?

Do many in this culture even know what Love, in the romantic sense, means?

How do we balance the complete idea of Love, with the independence and ego ideal we also desire?

A Few More Words on LoveMay discussed there being four types

of love, and happy relationship being based on all four:Sex, Eros, Philia, and AgapeBut few are able to attain and maintain this.

LOVE

ROMANTIC LOVEdesires to Possess & Defend

AGAPE /

METTANo Ego

A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…Ego versus Agape / Metta Love

Our ego allows us to function in realityOur experiences, culture, exposure to the

“stories” of love, are part of our ego, and color our idea of what we deserve.

These forces struggle against our natural desire to love purely

Love’s Tug Of War

A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…Our selfish desires…

To be cared for as much as we believe we should be

To get what we want To be the most important thing in our others life

Our insecurities Our fear of being made a fool of

All get in the way of what love can really be.

We have to learn to balance these conflicting desires for ego fulfillment and for agape love

To Sum UpRelationships take work.

And although you may want to cling to your old beliefs and discard some of what was presented, it may serve you better to alter your expectations, suspend your “story” and try to look at things objectively.

LoveSome of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take."

~ Anthony Robbins

Love

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

Anais Nin