Sample OMAM Essay Revision

Body Paragraph

Lennie and George are best friends that travel together to find work during the Great Depression.

It’s hard because Lennie is mentally handicapped, so he slows George down a lot from getting their

dream of a little ranch. One time, George told Lennie, “God a’mighty, if I was alone I could go get a

job an work, an no trouble. No mess at all, and when the end of the month come I could take my

fifty bucks and go into town and whatever I want.” (Steinbeck, 11) This shows that George can’t get

his dream because he wants to go into town and have no trouble. The author is saying that George is

sacrificing because he cares about Lennie and wants what is best for him, thus giving up his own

happiness. Whenever Lennie gets in trouble at a job, George and Lennie “got to sneak out in the

dark and get outa the country”.(Steinbeck, 28) George is very frustrated because he feels like

Lennie’s disability is constantly keeping them from reaching their dream by financially hindering

them. This is important because if Lennie keeps getting in trouble, the friends will not get their

dream. I really think George loves Lennie a lot and wants him to have the rabbits so he’s happy and

doesn’t have such a hard time.

Lennie and George are best friends that travel together to find work during the Great Depression. It’s hard

because Lennie is mentally handicapped, so he slows George down a lot from getting their dream of a little

ranch. One time, George told Lennie, “God a’mighty, if I was alone I could go get a job an work, an no

trouble. No mess at all, and when the end of the month come I could take my fifty bucks and go into town

and whatever I want.” (Steinbeck, 11) This shows that George can’t get his dream because he wants to go

into town and have no trouble. The author is saying that George is sacrificing because he cares about

Lennie and wants what is best for him, thus giving up his own happiness. Whenever Lennie gets in trouble

at a job, George and Lennie “got to sneak out in the dark and get outa the country”.(Steinbeck, 28) George

is very frustrated because he feels like Lennie’s disability is constantly keeping them from reaching their

dream by financially hindering them. This is important because if Lennie keeps getting in trouble, the

friends will not get their dream. I really think George loves Lennie a lot and wants him to have the rabbits

so he’s happy and doesn’t have such a hard time.

TASK # 1: CIRCLE ALL CONTRACTIONS AND PERSONAL PRONOUNS

Lennie and George are best friends that travel together to find work during the Great Depression. It’s hard

because Lennie is mentally handicapped, so he slows George down a lot from getting their dream of a little

ranch. One time, George told Lennie, “God a’mighty, if I was alone I could go get a job an work, an no

trouble. No mess at all, and when the end of the month come I could take my fifty bucks and go into town

and whatever I want.” (Steinbeck, 11) This shows that George can’t get his dream because he wants to go

into town and have no trouble. The author is saying that George is sacrificing because he cares about

Lennie and wants what is best for him, thus giving up his own happiness. Whenever Lennie gets in trouble

at a job, George and Lennie “got to sneak out in the dark and get outa the country”.(Steinbeck, 28) George

is very frustrated because he feels like Lennie’s disability is constantly keeping them from reaching their

dream by financially hindering them. This is important because if Lennie keeps getting in trouble, the

friends will not get their dream. I really think George loves Lennie a lot and wants him to have the rabbits

so he’s happy and doesn’t have such a hard time.

TASK #2: HIGHLIGHT “NO-NO” PHRASES

Lennie and George are best friends that travel together to find work during the Great Depression. It’s hard

because Lennie is mentally handicapped, so he slows George down a lot from getting their dream of a little

ranch. One time, George told Lennie, “God a’mighty, if I was alone I could go get a job an work, an no

trouble. No mess at all, and when the end of the month come I could take my fifty bucks and go into town

and whatever I want.” (Steinbeck, 11) This shows that George can’t get his dream because he wants to go

into town and have no trouble. The author is saying that George is sacrificing because he cares about

Lennie and wants what is best for him, thus giving up his own happiness. Whenever Lennie gets in trouble

at a job, George and Lennie “got to sneak out in the dark and get outa the country”.(Steinbeck, 28) George

is very frustrated because he feels like Lennie’s disability is constantly keeping them from reaching their

dream by financially hindering them. This is important because if Lennie keeps getting in trouble, the

friends will not get their dream. I really think George loves Lennie a lot and wants him to have the rabbits

so he’s happy and doesn’t have such a hard time.

TASK #4 AND #5: UNDERLINE ALL CDs IN A RED PEN AND ALL CMs IN GREEN

TASK #6: FIND YOUR CM:CD RATIO

YOU ESSENTIALLY HAVE FOUR CM SENTENCES IN THE SAMPLE PARAGRAPH. YOU

HAVE 4-5 CD SENTENCES. SO, YOU HAVE A SIMPLIFIED RATIO OF 1:1. THIS SHOULD

SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE TOO MANY CD SENTENCES IN YOUR PARAGRAPH.

LOOKING AT THE PARAGRAPH, YOU SHOULD SEE THAT YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE,

YOUR CONCLUDING SENTENCE AND ONE OF YOUR CM SENTENCES WERE ALL

ACTUALLY CDS. CHANGING THESE TO QUALITY ANALYSIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN

YOU MUCH CLOSER TO THE 2 CMS:1CD RATIO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR WHEN

WRITING A RESPONSE TO LITERATURE ESSAY.