Scoring Set.Teacher for the Day - Pasco School District · 2010-01-22 · what the change or changes would be and why you would make the change or changes. If I was the teacher for

Pasco School District Mid Year Common Writing Assessment Grade 5 Scoring Papers, Page 1 of 22

Teacher for the Day

You are the teacher for the day. What change or changes would you make? Write a multiple paragraph essay for your principal explaining what the change or changes would be and why you would make the change or changes.

The Changes I would make are ne homework perioed I would take the kids on a field trip to ocean shors For the reast of the year that is the Changes I would make.

This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to explain effectively. The response has little evidence of an organizational pattern, though the last sentence idea may serve as brief conclusion (…that is the changes I would make). The response lacks a sense of wholeness or completeness and consists of a bare list of things that would be changed (…ne homework…take the kids on a field trip…). There is only a minimal amount of extension to the suggested change of the field trip (…to ocean shors for the reast of the year…), which fails to offer any real explanation for this choice for a change. The response demonstrates little sense of voice, particularly due to the limited amount of writing and information offered. The best-fit COS score for this response is a 1.

COS 1

# 1


Teacher for the Day


If I was the teacher for the day I would have no Homework. If they did not finish there shcool work they have to take it home as Home work. Kids in the shcool be able to eat Gum.

This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to explain effectively. There is no introduction as the response immediately proceeds to the first change to be made as teacher for the day (If I was the teacher for the day I would have no Homework), nor is there any conclusion. No reason for this change regarding homework is given. The next point raised (If they did not finish there shcool work they have to take it home as Home work) is confusing since no clear connection is made with the previous point about not having homework, and, indeed, appears contradictory to the idea of not having homework. The final sentence of the response (Kids in the shcool be able to eat Gum) remains a bare, unexplained statement. The response lacks any sense of completeness or wholeness. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 1.

COS 1

# 2


Teacher for the Day


If I was a teacher for one day I would make sum changes for that one day. I would throw a party, there woud be no teaching, and we woud play all day.

the way I would thow the praty, I would have a big open speac and pizza and drinks and bulons and a bunch of kids at this praty.

the secund thing I would do is no teaching. We would have a day where we woud gof araond and not pay atencheon.

The thired Thing I would do is play and hung out with Frends.

theis would be the changes I would make if I were a teacher for a day.

This response demonstrates an insufficient ability to explain effectively. There is a simple, listed introduction (…I would make sum changes for that one day. I would throw a party, there woud be no teaching, and we woud play all day) and a brief conclusion (theis would be the changes I would make…) that frame the writing. The response, however, remains brief and employs a simplistic organizational pattern (the secund thing…The thired Thing…). While support for changes includes some attempted explanation (the secund thing I would do I no teaching. We would have a day where we woud gof araond and not pay atencheon), most of the response offers only bare lists (…I would have a big open speac and pizza and drinks and bulons and a bunch of kids…The third Thing I would do is play and hung out with Frends…). The response offers limited vocabulary and limited sentence variety. Overall, there is little sense of completeness or wholeness. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 1.

COS 1 (high 1)

# 3


Teacher for the Day You are the teacher for the day. What change or changes would you make? Write a multiple paragraph essay for your principal explaining what the change or changes would be and why you would make the change or changes.

there are three things I would change about this school. the snacks, the Lunch Break and the time in Between class. change these three and it will make School better. first the snacks. Yes they need healty snacks but they also need tasty snacks. The need snack that taste great and still give them the energy they need. that is why the School should change the snacks. Next the Lunch break. I think the Lunch break should be extend so that student Burn enery. Teachers don’t want students getting out of control. especailly during an Important Lesson. Finally the tim in between classes. I say we extend the time in between classes. that way students have more time to get ready For the next class. this will also give the teachers more time as well. In conclusion These three thing I would change. I say these things would help students and teachers. so change these things to make the school better. This response demonstrates a weak ability to explain effectively. The response includes an introduction that offers a general reason for suggested changes (change these three and it will make school better) and a conclusion that repeats this reason. The first suggested change (first the snacks) includes some extension for the reason given for the change (…Yes they need healty snacks but they also need tasty snacks. The need snack that taste great and still give them the energy they need), but other than the added information…energy they need…this explanation is repetitive. The reason for the second suggested change (…the Lunch break should be extend so that student Burn enery) is supported by one idea (Teachers don’t want students getting out of control) with a simple extension (especailly during an Important Lesson). The final suggested change (…tim in between classes) includes a list of two reasons for this change without elaboration (…students have more time to get ready For the next class. this will also give teachers more time as well). While some of the word choices are appropriate and effective (…tasty snacks…Burn enery…), transitions across paragraphs and suggested changes are simple and repetitive (First the snacks…Next the Lunch break…Finally the tim in between classes…). The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 2.

COS 2 (low 2)

# 4 Intro T,D E T,D E T D D Concl


Teacher for the Day


At last! I am teacher for aday! First I’ll start by changing the lunch menu. No more of that revolting white rice, gravy, potatos, and turkey. It’ll be pizza, salad bar, ice cream, soy cream, and variety of drinks and fruits. I’ll also lower the price to two dollars instead. Next on my list is class. More art, music, P.E., and another twenty minute recess. We may need to learn, but kids need to relax! Lastly, the school grounds. Indoor recess isn’t all that fun. I shall let access to the computer lab, just with only three students per class. A saccer and baseball field should be added. As well as a tire swing, play dome, four square areas, and maybe some of those gymnastic bars. And more reliable books in the library, plus a better system. They can get very annoying. I’ll also add a few computer games for the library for recess as well. The rules, however, shall stay the same. Hey you! No gum in school! This response demonstrates a week ability to explain effectively. The response includes an introduction (At last! I am teacher for aday!) and a conclusion (The rules, however, shall stay the same. Hey you! No gum in school!) that, though short, give the reader a sense of the person behind the words. The first suggested change in the response (…changing the lunch menu) is explained in terms of the current problem (…revolting white rice, gravy, potatos, and turkey) and suggested alternative (It’ll be pizza, salad bar, ice cream, soy cream, and a variety of drinks and fruits). While remaining two simple lists, there is much specificity in the contrasting items. Another point is raised regarding the lunch menu (I’ll also lower the price to two dollars instead) that remains unexplained. The next recommended change (Next on my list is class) is developed with a list (More art, P.E., and another twenty minute recess) with an attempted elaboration on the nature of these changes (We may need to learn, but kids need to relax!), but the connection between these ideas remain loose and not fully explained. The last suggested change (…the school grounds) is developed with list-like points that are only loosely connected one to the other (…Indoor recess isn’t all that fun. I shall let access to the computer lab, just with only three students per class. A saccer and baseball field should be added. As well as a tire swing, play dome, four square areas, and maybe some of those gymnastic bars. And more reliable books in the library, plus a better system). Some appropriate and effective word choices (…revolting white rice…) and specificity are present, but little effective word choices is shown. Transitions across and within paragraphs remain simple and not always effective. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 2.

COS 2

# 5

Intro, T D, D D T, D E T, D D D, D D E D D, E, E


Teacher for the Day


If I was the teacher for the day I would make school the most exciting place on earth. Below are my reasons why. As a teacher I would not give out homework. lots of kids hate homework and since I am a kid as well I would hate my teacher for giving me homework. besides I wouldn’t want to give them a big burden to bring home. Also, If I was a teacher I would have skittle day everyday! Skittle day would be a time when we could bring skittles into the classroom and any-other food/beverage and eat/drink our food/drink in class while we worked. If I was a teacher I would decorate my room with objects to give my pupils/students ideas. I would have (posters, billboards, bulletins, pictures, Skittles, books, allover the walls and ceilings of my classroom. Annother thing I would do if I was a teacher was have no Uniforms. I would beg and demand to the principle to not have Uniforms. Uniforms are boring and all kids hate Uniforms. Uniforms are like a pet peeve for students. Besides some students can’t afford Uniforms. The sixth thing I would do if I was teacher would be to take my Students outside to play Sports so the Students who dont have P.E could get excercise in school. We would play Sports like (football, hockey, lacrosse, baseball, basket ball and plenty of other sports. So in conclusion for the reasons above I think I would be an excellent teacher.

This response demonstrates a weak ability to explain effectively. The response includes an introduction that offers a general reason for suggested changes (…I would make school the most exciting place on earth) and a conclusion that helps frame the response but which adds little to the overall exposition (…for the reasons above I think I would be an excellent teacher). The first suggested change (…I would not give out homework. lots of kids hate homework) is supported with the writer’s personal relationship to the topic (…and since I am a kid as well I would hate my teacher for giving me homework). An additional, apparently separate, reason for not giving homework is also given (besides I wouldn’t want to give them a big burden to bring home). This remains the extent of the elaboration/explanation for this change. The second proposed change (I would have Skittle day everyday!) offers only a simple description of what this change would be (Skittle day would be a time when we could bring skittle into the classroom and anyother food/beverage and eat/drink our food/drink in the class while we worked). Only bare extensions (…into the classroom…while we worked…) are offered as explaining how this change would function. The next change cited (…I would

#6 Intro T, D/E D T, D T D T, D D E D T/D E Concl


decorate my room with objects to give my pupils/students ideas) is only supported with a mere list (…posters, billboards, bulletins, pictures, skittles, books…). There is no elaboration explaining how this change would work or why the selected items would be appropriate. The next suggested change (…have no Uniforms…) is made with repetitive statements (Uniforms are boring and all kids hate Uniforms. Uniforms are like a pet peeve for students) that are not explained or elaborated upon. Another separate reason (Besides some students can’t afford uniforms) is given, but it too is not explored. The last change suggested (…take my students outside to play Sports so the students who dont have P.E could get excercise) is supported with only a list of suggested sports. While there is an attempt at an organizational pattern, the response exhibits little sense of wholeness and completeness, particularly in the list-like nature of the response as a whole. Some transitions are present (…and since…besides…), but they generally work to move the reader through listed ideas and not to build effectively from idea to idea. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 2.

COS 2



If I was teacher for a day I would make a few changes. Our teachers do a good job, but there are still a few things I would change. First teachers give students way too much homework. There isn’t enough time in a day to do all our homework and other after school activities, that we love to do. Don’t teachers know we do have a life outside of school. Therefore, if I was a teacher for a day I would not give out homework. The students would only do their work in class. If the assignment is not finished the kids will have time to finish in class the next day, but they would never have to take it home. The next change I would make if I was teacher for a day is to have a break time. During a long class period if kids are working very hard I would give them a few minutes of break time to talk, relax, and do whatever they choose. That’s what hard working students deserve. In conclusion, these are the changes I would make if I were teacher for a day. This response demonstrates a weak ability to explain effectively. The response includes a brief introduction that provides some awareness of audience (Our teachers do a good job, but…) and an ineffective conclusion consisting of a simple closing statement (In conclusion, these are the changes I would make if I were teacher for a day). The first suggested change (…teachers give students way too much homework…I would not give out homework) is supported with several general statements (…isn’t enough time in a day…other after school activities….). This, however, is followed by an explanation of how this change would work (…students would only do their work in class. If the assignment is not finished the kids will have time to finish in class the next day…). While more explanation may be wanting, there is a clear connectedness of the ideas presented. The next suggested change in the response (…have a break time) is developed with a causal relationship (…if kids are working very hard I would give them a few minutes of break time…), but is then only supported with a general list (…to talk, relax, and do whatever they choose). However, the closing statement (That’s what hard working students deserve) effectively reiterates the idea of students working hard. Though most of the vocabulary remains general, some effective sentence structures are present (If the assignment is not finished the kids will have time to finish in class the next day, but they would never have to take it home). The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 2.

COS 2

# 7 Intro T, D E D E, E T D E Concl



Dear Mrs. A_____, I am Victoria Cathy. I go to your school, and I have a few ideas on how we can make this school a better place. So that everyone can enjoy coming to school everyday. One idea is that we get taller lockers. So all of our stuff will fit in it. Also better new locker for the locker so our stuff doesn’t get stolen. Another idea is letting kids work with their ipods. I say this because I know from my point of view I work better with my music. Also kids will be to busy listening to their ipods they will not bother other kids. I know what your thinking. “Why should I listen to a 7th grader.” Your right why should you. But remember that I go to your school everyday. So I know what goes on in the halls and classrooms So listen to what I have to say and maybe people will make more comments about our school. My third idea is bigger hallways. Sometimes I go home with scars. And my parents can’t belive how many their are just from walking in the hallways. The fourth and final idea is heathier lunches. When I get pizza, it is drowned in grease. So I have to get a nakin and press it on the pizza to get the grease off. Those are some ideas, I belive, that will make our school a better place.

# 8 Intro T, D D D, E D T, D E, E E T, D, E T, D E Concl

This response demonstrates a weak ability to explain effectively. The response includes an introduction that offers a general reason for suggested changes (…I have a few ideas on how we can make this school a better place. So that everyone can enjoy coming to school everyday) with a simple closing statement for a conclusion (Those are some ideas, I belive, that will make our school a better place). The first suggested change related to school lockers remains list-like and only loosely related (…that we get taller lockers. So all of our stuff will fit in it. Also better new locker for the locker so our stuff doesn’t get stolen). The next change (…letting kids work with their ipods) is supported with a list of two casuals (…because I know from my point of view I work better with music…Also kids will be to busy listening to their ipods they will not bother other kids). Within the middle of the response, there is a persuasive-type digression about the writer’s expertise on the changes being proposed (I know what your thinking. “Why should I listen to a 7th grader.” Your right why should you. But remember that I go to your school everyday. So I know what goes on in the halls and classrooms So listen to what I have to say). Although showing an awareness of audience, this elaboration on the writer’s credentials is made less effective due to its location. The overall organization of the paper is weakened by what might have been an overall strength to the paper. The next idea for a change (…bigger hallways) is only supported with an example that is not clearly explained (Sometimes I go home with scars. And my parents can’t belive how many there are just from walking in the hallways). The last idea for a change (When I get pizza, it is drowned in grease. So I have to get a nakin and press it on the pizza to get the grease off). While there is effective word choice here (drowned in grease) in explaining a specific problem with lunches, the response fails to elaborate on what is meant by a healthier lunch. In this response, then, much of the support remains list-like with limited elaboration present to support the changes proposed. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 2.

COS 2 (high 2)



Dear principal,

some changes I think shoulD Be maDe are Teachers shulD Be aBle to take Late home work. Because if you work on your home work all night anD ferget it at home the next morning you shouD not get a 0 on it. Something elis I Think shoulD Be changeD is not having the stuDents take tests evry friDy Because the stuDents shoulD not have to Learn evry thing in one week I Think we shalD have a test evry Two weeks is SteD.

I also Think the school shoulD orDer new text Books Because the ones we have are 13 years olD falling apart anD harD to reaD also some of the information in encorect.

we need to get the six computers in the computer Lab fixeD of replace them Because some of my stuDents Don’t get there work Done Because there is not enouf computers.

This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to explain effectively. While the response has no introduction or conclusion, an overall organizational structure is established with the use of simple but relatively effective transitions (Something elis I Think…I also Think…). The first suggested change (Teachers shulD Be aBle to take Late home work) is explained with causal elaboration (Because if you work on your home work all night anD ferget it at home the next morning you shouD not get a 0 on it). There is a connectedness to the ideas as they are developed to show why late homework should be accepted. The next change (…not having the stuDents take tests evry friDy) is also elaborated with a causal relationship followed by a specific solution (Because the stuDents shoulD not have to Learn evry thing in one week I Think we shalD have a test evry Two weeks is SteD). While brief, this supports the proposed change in a step-by-step fashion of connected ideas. The next proposed change (…the school shoulD orDer new text books) again attempts to develop causal support (…Because the ones we have are 13 years olD falling apart anD harD to reaD also some of the information in encorect). While the support for this change is more list-like, it does include some effective specifics. The final change proposed in this response (we need to get the six computers in the computer Lab fixeD of replace them…) is also explained in terms of a causal relationship (…Because some of my stuDents Don’t get there work Done Because there is not enouf computers). While the response is not lengthy, the elaboration of support for the writer’s proposed changes along with the specificity of support makes this response sufficient in its ability to explain effectively. The best-fit COS score for this piece of writing is a 3.

COS 3 (low 3)

# 9

T D/E D/E E T/D E

T D/E


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a teacher for a day? Well, I have, and some changes I would make are making classes funner, giving more time for homework, and letting everyone get a chance to talk. First of all, I would make classes funner by making them interactive so everyone, including teachers, could get involved. Then, both teachers and students could have fun during class while still getting work done. And, since since the students like the assignment they would do better and get a good grade on it. In addition, I would give more time to finish homework. I students had more time to turn in their work they wouldn’t be in such a rush to finish and if you scramble through an assignment you might not do your best job on it. Lastly I would let everyone speak. Copious times i’ve raised my hand and the teacher never called on me, so I would call on anyone who volunteered to say something about the assignment. I would also let every single person who wanted to share their work share it. That way everybody would get a chance. So, in conclusion you can see that if I was teacher for a day I would make classes funner, give more time for homework, and give everyone a chance to speak.


# 10 Intro T/D E D/E T/D E T, D E D E Concl

This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to explain effectively. The response includes a simple listed introduction, though it does open with a fairly effective rhetorical question (…Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a teacher for a day? Well, I have, and some changes I would make are…). The conclusion is a list, unnecessarily repeating the list from the introduction. The first suggested change (..I would make classes funner by making them interactive…) is supported with connected ideas that build one off the other with the use of effective transitions (…so everyone, including teachers, could get involved. Then both teachers and students could have fun during class while still getting work done. And, since since the students like the assignment they would do better and get a good grade…). Though the support remains general, it is layered as it builds to explain the reason this change was chosen by the writer. The next change offered (…more time to finish homework) is also supported with general but layered elaboration (I students had more time to turn in their work they wouldn’t be in such a rush to finish and if you scramble through an assignment you might not do your best job on it). Ideas are connected and build from one to the next. The final proposed change (…I would let everyone speak) also consists of layered support, but it includes a personal anecdote as well (Copious times i’ve raised my hand and the teacher never called on me, so I would call on anyone who volunteered…). The response overall is strengthened by the use of effective transitions (Then…And, since…In addition…Lastly…also…) and by the effective use of a variety of sentence structures (I would also let every single person who wanted to share their work share it. That way everybody would get a chance). The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 3.

COS 3


Have you ever dreamed of being a teacher for 1 day? What if that dream really came true, and you were a teacher for 1 day. What would you change or what changes would you do? Well if I were a teacher for 1 day, I would change 2 things. In my class, I would let students chew gum and eat. And I would also not teach my students things they don’t need to learn right now. Letting students eat in class is a big way of them to get food in their systems so that they can learn more. I believe that students should eat in class because they probably don’t eat breakfast are hungry. Another reason why I think they should eat is cause when they eat, they are wide awake to learning. The reason I want to change this is so that the children don’t feel like from 8:00 o’clock to 12:00 o’clock they don’t feel Like they are going to die of hunger. So I’m asking you principle, can I change this? By changing this, you will only make things better at this school! Now students can learn alot, but the problem is some of the things they learn, they don’t need to know. Like for example when students go to college, they don’t need to know about Christopher Columbus. I think this should get changed because we are puting to much knoledge into their heads but ¼ of it doesn’t need to be taught. As of my conclusion, I believe this step we are taking to have it with confidency. And I hope you consider what I said. Thank you!


# 11 Intro T D D E D E, E T/D E E Concl

This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to explain effectively. The response includes an introduction that opens with a fairly effective rhetorical question (…Have you ever dreamed of being a teacher for 1 day? What if that dream really came true, and you were a teacher for 1 day. What would you change or what changes would you do?). The conclusion is brief and confusingly written, though it includes an awareness of the audience with direct address (And I hope you consider what I said). The first suggested change (…Letting students eat in class is a big way of them to get food in their systems so that they can learn more) is supported with connected ideas that relate to these reasons for change (…because they probably don’t eat breakfast and are hungry…when they eat, they are wide awake to learning). The response then includes the specific context of the students’ eating schedule and why it is problematic (…so that the children don’t feel like from 8:00 o’clock to 12:00 o’clock they don’t feel like they are going to die of hunger). This explanation for a need for change is followed by a direct address to the audience (So I’m asking you principle, can I change this? By changing this, you will make things better at this school!). This is quite effective in making the intended audience part of this issue of allowing students to eat in class. The next change offered (…some of the things they learn, they don’t need to know) is supported by a specific example (…when students go to college, they don’t need to know about Christopher Columbus) and a specific amount of learning that is unnecessary (…we are puting to much knoledge into their heads but ¼ of it doesn’t need to be taught). Along with the many specifics given, the response also demonstrates some effective transitions, not only within paragraphs, but across paragraphs as well (Now students can learn alot , but the problem is some of the things they learn they don’t need to know). The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 3.

COS 3


What would you do if your teacher was sick, and the school couldn’t find a substitute teacher. The principal comes up to you and says this. “Your the teacher today, come up with any rules you like but there has to be some education.” If that ever happened to me I would take advantage of the situation. The amount of homework normally assigned would be lowered. I would also play fun games with the students. At the end of the day all of the people that had good behavior would go out to eat with me. Those are three of the major things I would change. The first rule I would change is homework. There would be less and I would give the students time to do what they need to do. Some of the reasons for this certain change are simple. One is that after school kids normally have chores and work to do. Another reason would be that other kids play sports, and more then one. I know people that play multiple sports after school, and when they get home they do homework till 11:00 p.m. If I we’re a teacher I wouldn’t burden my students with more then they can handle. The next circumstance that I would change is that we could play games. But of course they would have to be educational. The games would be a competition for a certain prize. If I we’re to win I would prefer candy, but I would let the winning team decide what they wanted. The game being played would require all students partisipation. So I will try and pick a game everyone likes. Thats how we would play games. At the end of the day I would go out to eat. Not just me, but me and all of the students that we’re well behaved. Before we left they would all chose and vote for a place to go. Doing this would motivate all the kids to do their best and behave in class. If a teacher would tell me to be good and then they would take me out to eat I would listen. Who wouldn’t? Those are some of the different things I would do as a teacher. Give less homework so the kids don’t get over loaded with it. Play games so the students have a fun in class. Then at the end of the day, I would take good kids out to eat. That’s what I would do as a teacher.


# 12 Intro T, D E D D E E T, D E E E E, E T, D E E E Concl


This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to explain effectively. The introduction in this response begins with an effective set-up for being teacher for the day (What would you do if your teacher was sick, and the school couldn’t find a substitute teacher. The principle comes up to you and says this. “Your the teacher today, come up with any rules you like, but there has to be some education”). The remainder of the introduction is followed by a list of the changes to be made. The conclusion is merely an ineffective repeat of this list of changes. The first suggested change in the response (…I would change is homework. There would be less…) is first supported with an undeveloped idea (…kids normally have chores and work to do). The next reason for having less homework (Another reason would be that other kids play sports, and more then one) is developed with a very specific example (I know people that play multiple sports after school, and when they get home they do homework till 11:00 p.m.). The next change (…is that we could play games…they would have to educational) is developed, not by explaining any specific game to be played, but by explaining the process of implementing these games (The games would be a competition for a certain prize. If I were to win I would prefer candy, but I would let the winning team decide what they wanted. The game being played would require all students particisipation). The final suggested change (At the end of the day I would go out to eat. Not just me, but me and all of the students that we’re well behaved) is also explained through the process to be followed (Before we left they would all chose and vote for a place to go). But it is also explained by the end result (Doing this would motivate all the kids to do their best and behave in class. If a teacher would tell me to be good and then they would take me out to eat I would listen. Who wouldn’t?). While overall there is much general support and elaboration in the response, there are also some specific details (…they do homework till 11:00 p.m, If I were to win I would prefer candy, but I would let the winning team decide what they wanted). Furthermore, the writer behind the words is in evidence in this response (I know people that…If I were to win I would prefer candy…If a teacher would tell me to be good and then they would take me out to eat I would listen. Who wouldn’t?). The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 3.

COS 3



If I were teacher for one day. First of all I’d like to be teacher for the day on friaday. The changes I would do would be 1) hooks in the classrooms, 2) The time layout of the periods. 3) being able to garenty at least one elective class, to the student. Those are the 3 changes I would make. So the first change or “rule” I would make would be the BackPacks. I know the reason why they have to be Kept in lockers is so that the classrooms aren’t over crowded and that we don’t trip over them. When your late to school and need to go straight to class because your locker is far away. I mean It’s either be late and get introuble or bring your backPack and get in trouble. So I would have hooks in every classroom on some wall thats out of the way. So when your late to school and don’t have time to go to your locker you can bring your backPack and be on time and you don’t get into trouble. The Second change or “rule” I would make would be the scedule of the periods. On fridays I would have it So that ¾ of the class, would be, learning, and the remaining ¼’s time, left in class, would be for getting ready “to go”’break time” or a chance to do our homework, So that we can actsully have a weekend. The third change or “rule” I would make would be the electives. I know it’s really complicated but I think maybe it’s possible to give at least one elective, to the person who wants to have it because I know I’ve heard guys complain about home ec whey they got it and I wanted Home ec but I didn’t end up with it. Well If I was the teacher for one day, those are the three changes or “rules” I’dve implied. They were 1) hooks for backpacks in the class, 2) the scedule in each period and 3) being able to garenty at least one elective class to the student.

This response demonstrates a sufficient ability to explain effectively. The introduction in this response, while mostly listing, attempts to narrow the focus somewhat (If I were teacher for one day. First of all I’d like to be teacher for the day on friaday). This does not, however, prove particularly effective as only one of the writer’s proposed changes relates specifically to Friday. There is a conclusion, but it merely repeats the list of the changes to be made. The first suggested change in the response (…so I would have hooks in every classroom…) is elaborated on with a layering of connected ideas. It is also effectively organized in describing the problems of backpacks first (I know the reason why they have to be Kept in lockers is so that the classrooms aren’t over crowded and that we don’t trip over them…It’s either be late and get introuble or bring your backPack and get in trouble) and moving on to the solution (…hooks in every classroom on some wall thats out of the way). The next change (The second change or “rule” I would make would be the scedule of the periods) is developed

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with some specifics (On fridays I would have it So that ¾ of the class, would be, learning, and the remaining ¼’s time, left in class, would be for getting ready “to go”’break time” or a chance to do our homework…). This explains how this change would work with no explanation of why this change is to be made. The final suggested change (…would be the electives) includes an effective concession to the audience (I know it’s really complicated but I think maybe it’s possible…). Support for this change is elaborated with a personal anecdote (…I know I’ve heard guys complain about home ec when they got it and I wanted Home ec but didn’t end up with it). While brief, this does explain the inequities of the elective process that the writer wishes to change. Overall, the response is organized and has an effective organizational structure. However, the thinning of elaboration at times keeps this response at the upper end of the 3 scorepoint. The best-fit COS score for this writing is a 3.

COS 3 (high 3)



Since I’m going to teacher for the day I planned out my schedule for you, Mr. B________. I made a few changes to help the students learn better. In the beginning of class I’ll let the kids choose where they want to sit. They may sit on the ground if they wish. If they are being distracted or bothered they have the right to move. I made this change because this way the students will be in a comfortable environment, because they’ll be with their friends. If the noise get racous and out of control, I’ll let the class settle down for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes past by and the talking still continues I’ll send them back to their regular seats. Nobody likes to be in a stuffy room. When I have all of the student’s attention, we’ll go outside. As long as it’s not raining. Basketball is a sport many people enjoy, so I’m going to let them play basketball. Everybody will have three teammates. For the first 2 minutes one person will shoot as many baskets they can. The other teammates will do the same. when everybody is done they’ll create a math promblem having to do with their score they got. When we get back from outside we’ll play some games. Students may choose to play “Duck Duck Goose,” draw about what they learned, or educational computer games. If the majority of the class doesn’t like any of the activities, we’ll watch a movie. If the class was well behaved I’ll hand out candy while they’re watching their movie. I will not hand out candy if they’re talkative, instead I’ll just stop the movie and let everybody talk. Toward the end of class, everybody will describe how this class period went for them. They will also share about what they learned, want to learn, and what they want to learn more about with the class. When we have extra time we’ll either talk or play more games. This is about it for my plans. I can’t wait until I actually get to do this! This response demonstrates a strong ability to explain effectively. The introduction in this response begins with an effective set-up for being a teacher for the day (Since I’m going to be teacher for the day, I planned out my schedule for you, Mr. B___. I made a few changes to help students learn better). This introduction helps narrow and control the response as a whole since the response walks the reader through the school day with the specific changes to be made. There is a brief conclusion that quickly sums up the response (This is about it for my plans) but also includes a sentence that effectively gives a sense of the person behind the words and suggests the writer’s engagement with the subject matter (I can’t wait until I actually get to do this!). The first suggested change in the response (…I’ll let the kids choose where they want to sit) is developed with a layered, step-by-step explanation of how and why this change will be made (They may sit on the ground if they wish. If they are being distracted or bothered they have the right to move. I made this change because this way

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students will be in a comfortable environment, because they’ll be with their friends). Specific limitations are described (If the noise get racous and out of control, I’ll let the class settle down for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes past by and the talking still continues I’ll send them back to their regular seats). The next change (…we’ll go outside) is elaborated by walking the reader through the outdoor activity that students will engage in (…so I’m going to let them play basketball. Everybody will have three teammates. For the first 2 minutes one person will shoot as many baskets they can. The other teammates will do the same. When everybody is done they’ll create a math promblem having to do with their score…). The next change to occur in the day (When we get back from outside…) relates to games, movies, or talking. The elaboration in this portion of the response is concerned with explaining the process to choose the appropriate activity (Students may choose to play “Duck Duck Goose,” draw about what they learned, or educational computer games. If the majority of the class doesn’t like any of the activities, we’ll watch a movie. If the class is well behaved I’ll hand out candy while they’re watching their movie. I will not hand out candy if they’re talkative, instead I’ll just stop the movie and let everybody talk). The final suggested change in the day (…everybody will describe how this class period went) works as a conclusion for all the day’s activities (Toward the end of class…) and has students evaluate their experiences and look forward to future classes (…they will also share about what they learned, want to learn, and what they want to learn more about…). The response uses effective transitions, particularly across paragraphs, that strengthens the overall organization and development of ideas (In the beginning of class…Nobody likes to be in a stuffy…When we get back from outside…Toward the end of class….). The response conveys a sense of completeness and wholeness. The best-fit COS score for this piece of writing is a 4.

COS 4 (low 4)



Dear Mr. B_______, I think M. Middle is a great school, but if I were to be a teacher for the day, there would be a few changes… First, I’d try to improve class behavior. Many teachers spend too much time and effort trying to get their students to behave. But my class would strive for “brownie points.” On my whiteboard I would make enough room to list the numbers of all my tables/groups. Each time a student or table does something noteworthy, (such as turning in all their homework or great test scores) that group would earn a letter. By the end of the week each group would get a prize according to the words they spelled. (After spelling a word, the group can try to spell another. Such as a piece of candy, switching seats, or a “no homework” pass. This method would teach students to encourage and help their peers to do their best. I’d also make room for a designated test day. The day before a test, after doing everyday “must-dos,” the class can put away their pencils and have fun studying. The whole group can play trivia games or students can quiz each other on the topic. They’d be having so much fun they wouldn’t even know they’re learning! This could also take away some pressure on test day. But students aren’t always happy and energetic. Sometimes someone will get sick, and when you’re sick you miss school. When you miss school, your homework gets piled up and unfamiliar. Not in my class! When my class learns something new, I’d do the worksheets with them and write down notes about our discussions. Then I’d leave the papers in a box students could access if they’ve been sick. This way they’ll not only get their homework, but notes on the new subjects so the student can have helpful “hints” when working on something new. With these few small changes, our academic and behavior levels could skyrocket. (So if you ever see my name on an application, remember the day you got this helpful little letter! Sincerely, R._____ E_______ This response demonstrates a strong ability to explain effectively. The response has a simple introduction that includes a sense of the audience (I think M. Middle is a great school, but if I were to be a teacher for the day there would be a few changes…). The response’s conclusion effectively sums up the changes to be made with an awareness of the intended audience (With these few small changes, our academic and behavior levels would skyrocket) and gives a sense of the person behind the words (So if you ever see my name on an application, remember the day you got this helpful little letter!). The way the first suggested change (First, I’d try to improve class behavior) would work is explained in detail (On my whiteboard I would make enough room to list the numbers of all my tables/groups. Each time a student or table does something noteworthy [such as turning in all their homework or

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T, D D E E E E E/E E T, D E E E T, D E E, D E E Concl


great test scores] that group would earn a letter). The next change (I’d also make room for a designated test day) is elaborated with the specific way that this would work (The day before a test, after doing everyday “must-dos”, the class can put away their pencils and have fun studying. The whole group can play trivia games or students can quiz each other on the topic. They’d be having so much fun they wouldn’t even know they’re learning!). The final change to be made relates to missed work. This change is developed first with the explaining of a common chain of events (Sometimes someone gets sick, and when you’re sick you miss school. When you miss school your homework gets piled up…) and is then developed with a specific plan to address such an issue (When my class learns something new, I’d do the worksheets with them and write down notes about our discussions. Then I’d leave the papers in a box students could access if they’ve been sick. This way they’ll not only get their homework, but notes on the new subjects). The response exhibits effective word choices (“brownie points”…everyday “must-dos”…students could access…) and includes a variety of phrases and sentence structures that effectively connect ideas. The response conveys a sense of completeness and wholeness. The best-fit COS score for this piece of writing is a 4.

COS 4


Teacher for the Day


If I was a teacher I would make a couple of changes and those changes would be better cafetria foods, longer breaks in between class and more after school programs/clubs but with more wider variety. If i was a teacher I would make sure that there is better cafetria foods for lunch, both for students and teachers. The main reason why i would do that is because at school the lunches is always the same and I would prefer a wider variety of food and im sure everyone else would agree. Everyday it’s either chicken teryaki, pizza, subs or a chicken salad. I think that changing the food would be better. For example one day students could choose from hamburger/cheeseburger or pizza. The next could be the chicken teryaki or hotdogs. Afterthat subs or chicken nuggets with fries. All I am pointing out is change would be for the better not worse. While we’re at it, would it be possible to do something about the lunch prices. Especally for the drinks like viatmen water. It costs $1.75 here but in stores its only $1.50 or so. I know higher prices mean more money for the school but this is a school and items should be less expensive not more. This is only one of the changes I would like to see around here. If i was a teacher the second change i hope would be made is longer breaks. Everytime if class is to far or we have to go to the library or locker and we arrive to class a little late we get a tardy, two more than its tardy tank. Is it always our fault that our 1st class, locker and next class are on opposite ends of the school? I admit sometimes people just stand and talk and are late for class, but nobody is perfect. And it’s not ALWAYS our fault. Sometimes kids have to stay afterclass to ask a teacher something, the kids asks the simple question, then the teacher talks for eternity, but afterthat they refuse to give a pass. So right there is one tardy. After that there is the problem with lockers, your locker gets jammed our wont open by the time you relize its jammed you’re on your way to get another tardy,because it to late. One more tardy than its tardy tank. So my point is we should make the 5 minutes breaks int 8 or 9. If i was a teacher the last change i would like to see accomplished would be more after school activities with a wider variety of choice. Most of the clubs are either sports or educational. I beleive that we should have more clubs like “Save The Earth” or “Reading Club”, those kind of things will only make our school a better place. Since different people have different

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interests there should be a variety of clubs to please all the unique types of people that go to our school. So as I have said before, these are the changes I would make if I was to be appointed teacher. Of course they are not the only ones, but they are in my top 3. This response demonstrates a strong ability to explain effectively. The introduction is a mere list (…those changes would be better cafetria foods, longer breaks in between class and more after school programs/clubs…) and the conclusion works as a simple closing statement (…these are the changes I would make if I was to be appointed teacher. Of course they are not the only ones, but they are in my top 3). The first change in the response (…I would make sure that there is better cafetria food) is developed with specific detail describing the current situation (Everyday it’s either chicken teryaki, pizza, subs or a chicken salad) and then elaborating on improvements (for example one day students could choose from hamburger/cheeseburger or pizza. The next could be the chicken teryaki or hotdogs. After that subs or chicken nuggets with fries). The issue of improved cafeteria food is further developed by an analysis of the lunch prices, with a particular example (Especally for drinks like viatmen water. It costs $1.75 here but in stores its only $1.50 or so. I know higher prices mean more money for the school but this is a school and items should be less expensive not more). The next cited change (…the second change i hope would be made is longer breaks) is developed with elaboration on the impact of short break times on tardiness (…if class is to far or we have to go to the library or locker and we arrive to class a little late we get a tardy, two more than its tardy tank). The response outlines the ways that students acquire tardies (…the teacher talks for an eternity…So right there is one tardy…your locker gets jammed our wont open by the time you relize its jammed you’re on your way to get another tardy…One more tardy then its tardy tank) and offers a solution (…we should make the 5 minutes breaks int 8 or 9). The final change (…more after school activities with a wider variety of choice) is explained with specific examples (Most of the clubs are either sports or educational. I beleive that we should have more clubs like “Save The Earth” or “Reading Club”…) and an explanation of their value (Since different people have different interests there should be a variety of clubs to please all the unique types of people that go to our school). The response uses some effective transitions (For example…While we’re at it…After that…) and includes a variety of phrases and sentence structures that effectively connect ideas. The response conveys a sense of completeness and wholeness. The best-fit COS score for this piece of writing is a 4.

COS 4

Concl

Documents

Scoring Set.Teacher for the Day - Pasco School District · 2010-01-22 · what the change or changes would be and why you would make the change or changes. If I was the teacher for