Secret Knowledge

Story Revision: Day 1

Today, you will need:

1.Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;

2.A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;

3.Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret Knowledge paper;

4.Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing Alphabet.

Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review

Share something fun about this weekend.

First, you are going to read your Secret Knowledge paper out loud to yourself.

•Do this in a very, very quiet whisper.

•Plug your ears so that you are not distracted by other people.

When you finish, use the editing Alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook to make changes.

If you have time, read your paper out loud to yourself a SECOND TIME.

Now, let’s take a look at the BACKSIDE of your “Top Secret” organizer.

•You will have to have this filled out completely.

•Pay attention to all parts of this organizer and do not skip anything.

You will turn this in with your final draft.

REMEMBER the parent signature!

#1 WANTED!A few brave souls to read the following slides dramatically …

Big bunches of broccoli!

Savage packs of peas!

Vanquished vegetables!

Attacking without

warning!

One of these colossal cows!

Bomb-proof briefcase!

Suckfaced survivors!

Children & chicken parts!

Wild mountain

mattresses!

Fingers behaving

badly!

The pointing punks!

The dirty digits!

#2 Circle the first word of every sentence.

Watch out for first words that you repeat too often. Consider how you might change these.

One way to change up your sentence beginnings is to start certain sentences with subordinating conjunctions and dependent clauses.

We’ll come back to this on Monday.

#3 Specific Nouns

Word choice is the heart of writing; a single word can create an image or conjure up emotions for readers. Strong, specific nouns can do just that.

A noun is a person, place, thing, or idea, and there are two kinds:  common and proper nouns.

However, when it comes to writing, think of nouns in three different groups :  •Ordinary common nouns•Strong common nouns and •Specific proper nouns.

Ordinary Common Nouns Strong Common Nouns  Specific Proper Nouns

house shack, mansion, hut, cabin White House, Hogwarts

toy board game, model plane, dinosaur, dolls

Twister, Legos, T-Rex, Barbie

shoes sneakers, high heels, platforms, boots

Nikes, Keens, Uggs

vehicle car, motorcycle, pick-up Toyota Camry, Tesla, Honda CRV

candychocolates, caramel, candy corns, jelly beans, gum

Snickers, M & M’s, Skittles, Bazooka Bubble Gum

#4 Vivid VerbsThink about the common verb "walk.”

A character in a story might walk OR she or he might

•stroll, walking in a slow, unhurried pace.

•stride, walking with long steps.

•swagger, walking with confidence and an attitude. 

Some other examples of vivid verbs:

touch = graze, bump, grab. 

cry = whimper, blubber, bawl. 

see = glare, gaze, glimpse. 

like = adore, admire, cherish. 

dislike = loathe, despise, scorn.

eat = gorge, nibble, gobble.

#5 Your friend, the semicolon

The most common way to use a semicolon is to connect two independent clauses. For example:

I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.

I stepped on a Cornflake; now I am a cereal killer.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

People say nothing is impossible; I do nothing every day.

Don't play stupid with me because I'm better at it.

Don't play stupid with me; I'm better at it.

I can only please one person per day and today isn't your day.

I can only please one person per day; today isn't your day.

People that don't know me think I'm shy, and people that do know me wish I were.

People that don't know me think I'm shy; people that do know me wish I were.

#6 Your Nemesis

Final Reminder:Don’t act like a caveman!

Secret Knowledge

Story Revision: Day 2

Today, you will need:

1.Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;

2.A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;

3.Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret Knowledge paper;

4.Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing Alphabet.

Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review

Share something fun you did this weekend.

Take a look at the handout called “Secret Knowledge Paper Final Checklist.”

Let’s go through this together.

Change 1.5 line spacing to 2.0 (double) line spacing.

In yellow, highlight the chunked sentences at the bottom of the page:

She decided / not to eat her vegetables, / not to listen to her parents.

Draw an arrow at the bottom of the page and write “OVER.”

Your task:1.Use your “Top Secret” organizer and finish making changes by hand.

• Use a correcting pencil / pen and your editing alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook.

2.Refer to the yellow piece of paper stapled to your “Top Secret” organizer and rewrite one of your sentences (or add a sentence) so that it is chunked like one of the models.

3.Begin one of your sentences with a subordinate conjunction and a dependent clause. You will have to rewrite a sentence or add a new sentence.

When you are finished all three steps, ask for a computer.

Secret Knowledge

Story Revision: Day 3

PLEASE TAKE OUT:

1.Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;

2.A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;

3.Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret Knowledge paper;

4.Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing Alphabet.

Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review

You should be finished the three steps below; if you are, ask for a computer to start word processing your revisions.

1.Use your “Top Secret” organizer and finish making changes by hand.

• Use a correcting pencil / pen and your editing alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook.

2.Refer to the yellow piece of paper stapled to your “Top Secret” organizer and rewrite one of your sentences (or add a sentence) so that it is chunked like one of the models.

3.Begin one of your sentences with a subordinate conjunction and a dependent clause. You will have to rewrite a sentence or add a new sentence.

Finished?

Proof thoroughly. Look for…

•Fragments and run-on sentences

•Overuse of “you”

•Verb tense shifts

Proof carefully.

Why? Because…

When writing, avoid “you.”

WHY: Slipping into “you” is confusing because you are switching perspectives. Instead of just writing about the story, you are suddenly addressing the reader directly, and the reader is not involved in your story.

Question: Why is “you” used in the previous paragraph?

Answer: Because I, Mr. Erwin, am addressing you, the students, directly.

SUGGESTION: Replace “you” with “one.” Do this when talking about people in general. Blah: Clearly, you must not judge people before knowing them. BETTER: Clearly, one must not judge people before knowing them. Blah: Without education, you have little chance to succeed. BETTER: Without education, one has little chance to succeed. 

 

SUGGESTION: Try to cut out the “you” phrase / clause.  Blah: As you read this essay, you will see how baseball is like fishing. BETTER: Baseball is like fishing. Blah: As you can see, the author uses both metaphors and personification to express her point. BETTER: The author uses both metaphors and personification to express her point.

Verb tense shifts:

I climbed out of the car, walked through the door, and prepared to meet my friend. As I entered the house I was shocked when large, honey-colored dog runs and knocks me over.

Correct the verb tense shift this way:

I climbed out of the car, walked through the door, and prepared to meet my friend. As I entered the house I was shocked when large, honey-colored dog ran and knocked me over.

Really finished?

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