Seeing Light Through God's Light

7/30/2019 Seeing Light Through God's Light

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A lay sermon by Bezalie Bautista Uc-Kung

Seeing Light

through Gods LightNational City United Church

United Church of Christ in the Phi l ippines

December 16, 2012

Psalm 36:5-9

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light. (NIV)

If youre born with a handicap

which continues to give you trouble now and then

even as an adult, and on top of that you discovered

that you have cancer, how would you feel?

Definitely, it was not a time for dancing, celebrating

life, or rejoicing. That wasnt a l ighted or illumined

period for me.

Instead, it was total darkness. I was devastated. My

world turned upside down and I found myself in abottomless pit with no way of escape. All of a sudden, my

dreams, longings, plans, appetite for life just faded

before me. I lost perspective. I lost my balance. I found

myself floating, without direction. I was fighting God,

reasoning out with Him, battling with Him. Why me,

Lord? Why does it always have to be me? Havent I

suffered enough? What else do you want from me?


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Nunc cursus magna quis

There was just too much emotional pain, the weight too

heavy to carry. But as I was wrestling with God, God gave

me enough strength not to stop reading His word. I needed

answers from Him for my questions, right? So where else

would I go but to His word?

No explanations came, however. No dramatic

revelations. No shining light coming down from Heaven so I

would clearly understand what was happening in my life.Instead, I received promises, words of comfort and

reassurances from the Bible:

Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am

your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold

you with my victorious right hand (Isaiah 41:10).

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is the

Lord (Jeremiah 17:7).

Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age

(Matthew 28:20).

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in

trouble (Psalm 46:1).

When you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will

hear you (Jeremiah 29:12).

Do not fear, only believe (Mark 5:36).

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no

evil; for you are with me (Psalm 23:4).

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the

world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be

troubled nor let it be fearful (John 14:27).

These are only a few of the reassuring

words that I received from Godevery single

day. Day after day, during and after two

operations, and while having my

chemotherapy treatment, I felt Gods warm

embrace around mecalming my fears,

drying my tears, loving me, walking with me

in my pain, in my doubt, in my sorrow, in my

suffering every day, without fail.

My husband and I greatly felt Gods hand

guiding us throughout my journey from the

people to consult for crucial decisions at the

very start, to the choice of doctors to the

choice of hospital and so on. What James 1:5

says is true, If any of you is lacking in

wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously

and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you.

Even the financial provisions needed for thetreatment that could drain ones lifetime

savings, God supplied religiously, faithfully,

unfailingly. It was very clear that I was not

going to suffer alone. God unquestionably

was going to be with me every step of the

way. He will take care of me and my needs.


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Since it was going to be a long and difficult battle, I

needed to put my faith in the proper perspective

because I knew it was going to be tested over and over

and a faith foundation that is weak will be more

disastrous for me than the cancer itself. I needed to

see my trial from a biblical perspective for my own

peace of mind and so I could also help enlighten people

close to me who had started to doubt Gods wisdombecause of what was happening to me.

Recalling all that I have learned from the Bible and

reflecting on them, God helped me understand that we

live in a fallen world as a result of sin. Because the

Devil is still in the world, even Gods children are not

spared from the disaster that the Enemy creates. Yes,

especially Gods people.

Since the Evil One can no longer snatch us away

from God because we belong to God, the Devil delights

in shaking our faith and causing us to doubt God. Does

God cause His people to suffer? Yes. When His chosen

people the Israelites doubted and questioned God, and

worshipped idols, He brought plagues upon His people

so He could demonstrate His power and make them

return to Him. Not all sufferings though are from God

and not all sufferings are because of sin. Does God

allow the Devil to test us? Yes as the life of Job shows

us. That the Devil has to ask for Gods permission

shows God is in control. He is sovereign. Nothing

happens in this world that is outside of Gods divine

will for each of us. We will never understand

completely for His ways are higher than our ways and

His thoughts than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). But oneconsolation is that (Psalm 103:14): He knows what we

are made of; he remembers that we are dust. He will

not test us beyond our limits. And that nothing can

ever separate us from the love of God: neither death

nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor

things present nor things to come, nor height nor

depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to

separate us from the love of God which is in Christ

Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39). Yes, not even

cancer.

Truly Gods word is a lamp to our feet and a

light to our path (Psalm 119:105). Slowly but

surely, Gods light started to penetrate my

sorrowful, grieving heart. As the psalmist

expressed in the biblical reference we read earlier:

In your light we see light. In His light, I saw light.

In Gods light, I found guidance, enlightenment. It

was not a one-shot deal when you will understand

everything all at once; rather, tiny glimpses of His

presence to make it through each day. It was not a

one-time supply of feeling okay for the whole

ordeal. Rather, its a conscious moment by

moment decision to surrender to His holy will:

choosing hope rather than despair, allowing Gods

peace to prevail over my confusion, walking in

Gods light rather than being swallowed up by

darkness, moment by moment, over and over

every day, oftentimes while enduring the

discomforts, while my spirit was down and sad,

while I was physically weak and lacking in energy.

Breath prayers said by the heart rather than by thelips.

The chemotherapy treatment can bring out all

the demons inside you. With the poison/toxin

slowly invading every nook and corner of your

being, its like losing your sanity. I dont really mind

losing hair, my nails turning black, losing weight,

nausea, vomiting, weird taste buds; its the way

the poison affects my mental and emotional

health. There was one time when I was going in

circles inside my room, much like an anxiety or

panic attack. Paikot ikot, pupunta CR, babalik sakama tatayo uli after a few seconds, at pupunta uli

sa CR, then back to bed. Paulit ulit, pabalik balik

habang hilong hilo, di malaman ang gagawin.


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I must admit that in those times of extreme anguish, I asked God to simply take my life.

Ayoko na, Lord. Di ko na kaya. Kunin Mo nalang ako.

Just recently, I again encountered in my devotional reading Jesus Christs Agony in the

Garden of Gethsemane. In the Matthew passage (Matthew 26:36-46), Jesus was described

as SORROWFUL AND TROUBLED. In other versions, it says Jesus was AGITATED AND

DISTRESSED. In fact, he verbalized it and said to His disciples, My soul is very sorrowful,

even to death (v. 38). O wow, pareho kami ni Jesus? Three times He prayed to the Father,

bargaining with Him: First time, He prayed, My Father, kung puede, alisin mo nalang ang

suffering ko pero Ama, hindi ang gusto ko kung hindi ang gusto Mo ang masusunod.

Second time, Jesus prayed again the same prayer, Kung hindi talaga puede Ama, susunod

ako sa kagustuhan Mo. Third time, He

prayed again the same thing. Each time

after praying, He went back to His

disciples to check on them. He was

going back and forth, paikot-ikot din si

Jesus, the weight of the coming ordeal

heavy on Him; He was physically,

emotionally and mentally anguishedjust as I had been.

What a comfort to know that the

God who journeys with me in my pain

totally understands because He too has

been there. And just like Jesus I needed

to come to a point of surrender to the

Fathers holy will. It took me sometime

to finally say to God, Okay God, I

surrender to your plan for me. I dont

understand why I have to go through

this. But I know you are in control. I donot completely understand your purpose for it, but give me the grace to endure. Please

dont ever let go of me.

I needed to understand about Gods healing. I have not at that point understood it. If I

pray so hard without doubting, will God heal me? What if He doesnt, does that mean I have

no faith or my faith is weak? How do I respond to well-meaning people who tell me that

God has healed me? Again it was not by accident that I happened to turn on DZAS at the

time a book about healing was being announced. That book by Dr. Harold Sala helped me

understand that God is still in the healing business today but that Gods concept of healing

is not how we humans understand it and that it is His choice either to heal the sick

supernaturally, or with the use of doctors and medicines in what is called integrative

healing, or to heal redemptivelyhealing in the life beyond.

Has God healed me completely? My husband and I claim it every day. Does that mean

my cancer will not come back? We pray it wont. If it comes back, does God love me less?

No, its part of Gods divine plan for me. Knowing that and believing in Gods sovereignty,

will it be easier for me this time in handling another cancer trial? Not necessarily. Im sure it

will be as or even more emotionally painful. I know I will again question God, wrestle with

God, reason out with Him. I know I will again go through a myriad of emotions which include

hopelessness, depression, helplessness . . . But I have complete confidence that God

understands how I feel. My doubts do not change His love for me. My questions do not

drown Him. I am precious in His sight. Just feel the substance of this passage in Psalm 139:


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O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything

about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know

my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of

me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you

know where I am. You know what I am going to say even

before I say it, LORD. You both precede and follow me. You

place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too

wonderful for me, too great for me to know! I can never escapefrom your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I

go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of

the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I

dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide

me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the

darkness to hide me and the light around me to become

nightbut even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the

night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike

to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and

knit me together in my mother's womb. . . . You saw me before

I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are

innumerable! I can't even count them; they outnumber the

grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, you are still

with me!

Once youre hit with cancer, you will never be the same

again. It could make you a bitter or a better person. I choose

the latter. You also acquire a greater sensitivity of

Gods presence every day. You become more

appreciative of each brand-new day, and His fresh

supply of steadfast love and mercies every morning.

Your priorities change. Daily, cancer reminds me that I

am not a citizen of this world; I am just passing

through, a pilgrim here on earth. So I celebrate life

while I can without losing my focus on the life beyond.Daily, I am learning to put my energies on things that

have eternal value. Every day, moment by moment, as

God provides the grace, I am learning to surrender to

His divine purpose, trying to live my life in a way that is

pleasing to Him.

My God watches over me

24/7. I am never lost in His

sight. How can I be alone

in my suffering?


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DolorIssue [#]: Issue Date

On this blessed truth,

I put my heart at rest.

I claim 1 Peter 5: 10 which says "And after you have suffered a

little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal

glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and

establish you." Yes, In His time, God will make all things beautiful.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I

know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully

known (I Cor. 13:12).

I dont know what is in Gods mind as far as my future is

concerned. And I dont think He will ever show me the complete

picture. All I know is that I have chosen to trust Him no matter

what, knowing full well that the God who walks with me every day

loves me so much and that He will cause all things to work

together for good to those who love God and are called according

to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Having received Gods light, my prayer is that even

my suffering will serve Him, and my experience will show

others the way to the true Light of the world, Jesus Christ. I

know that it is only possible with full surrender, moment bymoment, as a choice of the will rather than by mere

feelings or emotions.

As the old hymn goes, Many things abouttomorrow I don't seem to understand. But I know who

holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand.

Graphic design by:

Loree Cruz-Mante

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Seeing Light Through God's Light