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SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Jean-Marie HYACINTHE QUENUM1, SJ

Each one of us has a unique life history and an interior spontaneous affective reaction to it.

We do remember exterior events and situations of our life history whether they were pleasant or painful.

These exterior events and situations were linked to parents, grandparents, relatives, acquaintances, authority figures in schools and friends.

These personal experiences of childhood, adolescence and adulthood allow us to appropriate our unique way of evolving and developing as historical beings.

The greatest challenge of human life is to accept the unique way that our life history has made us.

We become neurotics and maladjusted to our human environment when we reject the way our life history has made us.

How we view ourselves is essential for our physical, psychological, moral and spiritual health and well-being.

The best way of being a happy and healthy person is to learn self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is the grateful recognition of our personality, experiences, abilities, heart attitudes and spiritual gifts that have shaped our human existence.

By celebrating our unique way of being, we give glory to God and we love ourselves as God has made us carefully and wonderfully through the concrete circumstances of our lives (Job 10, 10-12)2.

How do we nurture our self-acceptance? How do we practice the skill of accepting ourselves? What are the advantages of being a self-accepted person?

We will deal with the concept of self-acceptance by exploring the Hebraic- Christian way of being fulfilled based on the recognition of God as creator of the world and of our human existence.

Our insight on Hebraic- Christian self-acceptance is rooted on the faith statement that God creates all things at every moment. He shapes our personhood and the way we live our humanness.

1. How do we nurture our self-acceptance?

Our human growth depends on how we have been raised by our parents.

1 Jean-Marie HYACINTHE QUENUM is Doctor in Theology and Jesuit Novices Master in BAFOUSSAM-Cameroon. 2 “You gave my father strength to beget me; you made me grow in my mother’s womb. You formed my body with bones and sinews and covered the bones with muscles and skin. You have given me life and constant love.”

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Parenting is of utmost importance in our human growth process. Parenting enables us to become the kind of persons we are.

Good and kind parents communicate to their children their self-worth and encourage them to develop their human potentialities in a supportive environment of trust, respect, compassion, love and peace.

Toxic and critical parents instill in their children blame, doubt, self-hatred and shame.

These children grow insecure, abused emotionally and maladjusted to their environment.

They feel judged negatively and rejected of not being smart, articulated and attractive.

In order to nurture self-acceptance, we need to experience deeply the love that God has for us.

God has a tremendous love for each one of his creatures especially human being made into his image. He made them good and beautiful and free to respond to his loving care.

According to the Scripture, God is the one who gives to human beings, breath, light and movement (Acts 17, 28).

At every moment of their human existence, God constantly cares for them (Psalm 139).

He chose for them their birth places, their birth dates, their sex, their ethnic group, their cities and the circumstances of their human growth.

Self-acceptance starts with the recognition that God in his love and wisdom shapes the world of our human existence.

God is our creator (Isaiah 45, 7-13; Ephesians 2, 1-10).

He keeps creating us through the development of our abilities and talents which are his gifts.

Self-acceptance requires reverence to God’s gifts by using them as good stewards of his creation.

2. How do we practice the skills of self-acceptance

The ability to practice self-acceptance is determined by the fact that we focus on our strength instead of our shortcomings.

By celebrating our strength, we recognize our personal worth and we value our achievements in accomplishing our goals and the life difficulties we have overcome.

Self-accepted people learn from their mistakes and accept the issues of life they cannot change.

They are reconciled with their past and learn to move on. By letting go the past, they are more alert and more alive to seize the present moment.

Self-accepted people do not allow in their lives, self-judgment, self-hatred, blame and doubt.

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They are more positive and they avoid negative talk, inner criticism and idealized goals.

Self –accepted persons are individuals who handle effectively their interpersonal relationships by being faithful to the guiding purpose of their lives. They are goal-oriented people. They are aware of their intrinsic worth and dignity. They have the ability to communicate intelligently, honestly and responsibly. They are open to their inherent needs.3 They take care of their survival and well-being. They grow through the love relationships they develop with the partners of life (parents, friends, co-workers, fellow human beings…)

3. The advantages of being a self-accepted person

Self-acceptance is the road to happiness and life free of self-hatred.

By fully accepting oneself, a self-accepted person leads a life free of guilt, of jealousy and of contempt of oneself.

The self-accepted person is kind, generous, empathic, compassionate and full of self-love.

The self-accepted person is aware of his finite being and he seeks completeness in reaching out other human fellows for creative interactions.

By transcending the self, the self-accepted person searches for divine relationship in which the meaning of life is given.

The self-accepted person finds in relationship with God forgiveness for his limitations and the promise of eternal life beyond death.

Concluding remarks

Self-acceptance is the feeling of being an actualized person in the terms of the humanistic psychology of Abraham Maslow.

The self-accepted person is the one whose self-worth is recognized within the corporate group to which He or She belongs.

Safe and fulfilled the self-accepted person finds Joy and peace in relationship with fellow human beings and God.

The self-accepted person feels fulfilled with parents, spouse, friends and all people.

As an actualized person, the self-accepted person is not afraid of otherness and togetherness.

3 Air, drink, food, rest, sleep, movement, exercises, cleanliness, fellowship, communication, love and sex.

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