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SELF-COMMUNICATION SOLVES PERSONAL PROBLEMS
Psychiatrists have caught up with Socrates and cashed on this
technique. They employ thistechnique as a powerful
self-communication instrument to bring about personality change
and
improvement.
The troubled person just talks (to himself) while the
psychiatrist records his epression!verbal as
well as facial. "e also carefully watches his body language.
The aim is not to advise him but to give him an opportunity to
unburden his mind# to see his own
thinking in a new perspective# and thus find solutions to his
problems.
"ere is one eample from my own life. $ was at cross-roads of my
career# after a spell of
unemployment. $t so happened that $ got three offers almost
simultaneously. These were %& job in
"aryana government# a similar job in a "aryana 'niversity# and a
lecturers job in %anjab 'niversity. $
debated the dilemma of job-thinking in my mind for a couple of
days# and opted for the %' job.
$t was self-communication that helped resolve the dilemma. The
role of the self can be adequatelyplayed by a good listener.
ne person who is truly understanding# who listens to you as you
struggle with your problems# can
change your outlook on the world.
*ew people go to professional psychiatrists with their problems#
but many take their troubles to friends
and some to relatives.
+hen a person in trouble knows that he has a good listener he
shares his thoughts fully# which makes
it easier to solve his problems. ,s he talks he finds a solution
to his problem himself.
The emphatic listening is described as non-directive. The word
refers to the reaction that a listenershould present to a talker
who is trying to discuss his own problems.
,nother way of putting it is to say that the listener makes an
effort to understand what is said# but
does not give direction.
The listener realises that he is a sounding board. The talker
does not want advice. "e wants to talk
freely so that he can listen to his own thoughts as they are put
into words.
+ith this opportunity to hear himself speak# he is able to
furnish his own advice.
$n brief# the good listener accepts that is said# tries to
understand it# and above all# makes no
judgements.
mpathic understanding with a person# not about him# is an
effective approach. $t can bring about a
major personality change.
$f you want to find out how it is to listen without making
evaluation judgments# test this eperiment.
The net time you find yourself in a heated discussion with your
friend or spouse# let this rule be
followed
ach person can speak up for himself only after he has first
restated the ideas and feelings of the
previous speaker accurately and to the speakers
satisfaction.
This means that before presenting your own point of view# it
would be necessary for you to achieve
the other speakers thoughts and feelings so well that you could
summarise them for him.
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Sounds simple# but you will discover that it is one of the most
difficult things you have ever tried to do.
"owever# once you have been able to see the others point of
view# your own comment will have to be
revised. /ou will also find the emotion going out of the
discussion# the differences being reduced# and
those differences which remain being of a rational and
understandable sort.
+hy is non-directive listening so difficult to accomplish0 The
answer lies in the fact that such listeningrequires a kind of
courage that few of us have ever required.
+hen we listen to another persons ideas# we open ourselves up to
the possibility that some of our
own ideas are wrong.
1ost of us fight change# especially when it has to do with
altering our own thoughts. Therefore# when
we listen# something from inside makes us want to fight the
change in our thinking that might be
brought about by what we hear.
"old on there# we are urged to say. /ou must be wrong. That isnt
the way $ think. ,nd you are not
going to change my mind. $ wont allow it.
There is no sure formula for the kind of listening that can help
people when they feel the very human
desire to be heard. $t depends too much on an attitude that must
come from inside the listener.
2o one can spell out a method by which you can become
sympathetic and understanding to another
person.
The following point will help in forming non-directive
listening.
Listen: +henever you sense that someone is troubled or needs to
talk# give him your time. Though it
may seem like a waste of time to you# it seldom is.
$f by listening you can help him clear his mind# it will also
help communication between you and the
person talking.
,lso# there may come a time when you need a listener# and it is
a fact that a good listener has little
difficulty finding listeners.
Be attentive: $f a verbal avalanche is launched# let it flow
uninterrupted until it is ehausted.
1ake every mental effort to understand what is said. %ut
yourself in the talkers place to understand
what he says.
Verbal reactions:,s the talker proceeds# use a series of
eloquent and encouraging grunts "umm#
'h-huh# h# or $ see.
$f the talker pauses# you should remain silent. r nod your head#
until talker starts again.
$f he becomes unreasonable# you should restate what has just
been said# putting it in the form of a
question. amples of such restatements might be /ou really think
life that0 r# you believe your
mother-in-law is trying to ruin your marriage0
Probe not:There is a difference between willingness to listen
and curiosity designed to dig for hidden
information. The latter must be avoided. your purpose is not to
obtain unwanted information.
valuate not /ou should refrain from passing moral judgment upon
what is said. $n no case should
you give the talker advice!even if he requests for it.
"ave faith in the ability of the troubled talker to solve his
own problems.
/ou are witnessing an ama3ing human phenomenon. the person is
talking things over with himself. $fyou do not inject yourself into
his conversation# the chances are that the talker will work things
out for
himself.
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The importance of what lies behind the need for listeners is
important. ,n understanding of what
happens when a person talks and another listens is found at the
foundations of todays wellness
psychotherapy. $t is the therapatic value of communication. $t
works wonders in human relationships.
4ust know and follow the fundamentals.
The psychiatrists most important tool is listening. ,
non-directive counselling# now practised moreand more widely
throughout business and industry# depends upon persons trained to
listen quietly
and objectively. $n most job interviews one basic approach is to
let the candidate speak about himself.
This provides a peep into his inner self# the real purpose of
interview# a view from inside.
ven in day-to-day living there is a way that you can communicate
with yourself but it requires the
help of another individual# a listener# and a very good one.
$f you find such a listener# he# in a sense# becomes a mirror
that throws back a reflection of yourself.
The listener hears your words but# what is more important# you
hear yourself talking. $f the listener
remains active# but silent# giving you a chance to talk freely#
thoughts from both the conscious and
subconscious levels of your brain are put into words.
,s a result you have the opportunity to hear both parts of our
brain speaking. 1any times this result in
self-communication you have been seeking all along. $n effect#
then you solve your own problems.
/ou dont have to spend enormous money or energy to be yourself.
4ust talk to yourself.
