Self-Esteem & Shame

8/6/2019 Self-Esteem & Shame

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Self Self--EsteemEsteem

Self Self--esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope withesteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with

the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in thethe basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in theefficacy of our mind, in our ability to think.efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think.

By extension, it is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices andBy extension, it is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices anddecisions, and respond effectively to change. It is also the experience that success,decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is also the experience that success,achievement, fulfillmentachievement, fulfillment³³happinesshappiness³³are right and natural for us.are right and natural for us.

Self Self--esteem is not the euphoria or buoyancy that may be temporarily induced by aesteem is not the euphoria or buoyancy that may be temporarily induced by adrug, a compliment, or a love affair. It is not an illusion or hallucination. If it is notdrug, a compliment, or a love affair. It is not an illusion or hallucination. If it is notgrounded in reality, if it is not built over time through the appropriate operation of grounded in reality, if it is not built over time through the appropriate operation of mind, it is not self mind, it is not self--esteem.esteem.



Building Self Building Self--EsteemEsteem

InIn ´The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,µ ´The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,µ I examine the six practices that I haveI examine the six practices that I havefound to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self found to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self- -esteem: the practice of living consciously, of self esteem: the practice of living consciously, of self- -acceptance, of self acceptance, of self--responsibility, of self responsibility, of self--assertiveness, of purposefulness, and of integrity. Iassertiveness, of purposefulness, and of integrity. I

will briefly define what each of these practices means:will briefly define what each of these practices means:The practice of living consciously:The practice of living consciously: respect for facts; beingrespect for facts; beingpresent to what we are doing while are doing it; seeking andpresent to what we are doing while are doing it; seeking andbeing eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedbackbeing eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedbackthat bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seekingthat bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seekingto understand not only the world external to self but also our to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not out of self inner world, so that we do not out of self- -blindness.blindness.




The practice of self The practice of self--acceptance:acceptance: the willingness to own, experience, and takethe willingness to own, experience, and takeresponsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowningdisowning³³and also without self and also without self--repudiation; giving oneself permission to thinkrepudiation; giving oneself permission to think

one·s thoughts, experience one·s emotions, and look at one·s actions withoutone·s thoughts, experience one·s emotions, and look at one·s actions withoutnecessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; the virtue of realism applied to thenecessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; the virtue of realism applied to theself.self.

The practice of self The practice of self--responsibility:responsibility: realizing that we are the author of our realizing that we are the author of our

choices and actions; that each one us is responsible for life and wellchoices and actions; that each one us is responsible for life and well- -being and for being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achievethe attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieveour goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that question is notour goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that question is not ´Who·s to´Who·s to

blame?µ blame?µ but alwaysbut always ´What needs to be done?µ ´What needs to be done?µ ( (´What do I need to do?µ ´What do I need to do?µ))




The practice of self The practice of self--assertiveness:assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others;being authentic in our dealings with others;treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing totreating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing tofake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; thefake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; thewillingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriatewillingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriatecontexts.contexts.The practice of living purposefully:The practice of living purposefully: identifying our shortidentifying our short--term and longterm and long--term goals or term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an actionpurposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action- -plan);plan);organizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure weorganizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure westay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when westay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when weneed to go back to the drawingneed to go back to the drawing- -board.board.

The practice of personal integrity:The practice of personal integrity: living with congruence between what we know,living with congruence between what we know,what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments,what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments,exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.







Implicit Self Implicit Self--EsteemEsteem

VariationsVariationsLevel and quality of self Level and quality of self--esteem, though correlated, remain distinct:esteem, though correlated, remain distinct:

in terms of its constancy over time (stability)in terms of its constancy over time (stability)in terms of its independence of meeting particular conditions (nonin terms of its independence of meeting particular conditions (non- -contingency)contingency)in terms of its ingrained nature at a basic psychological level (implicitness or in terms of its ingrained nature at a basic psychological level (implicitness or automatized)automatized)



Congnitive ProcessingCongnitive Processing

CognitionCognition is the scientific term for "the process of thought". Usage of the term variesis the scientific term for "the process of thought". Usage of the term variesin different disciplines; for example in psycholoy and congnitive science, it usuallyin different disciplines; for example in psycholoy and congnitive science, it usuallyrefers to an information processing view of an individual's psychological functions.refers to an information processing view of an individual's psychological functions.Other interpretations of the meaning of Other interpretations of the meaning of cognitioncognition link it to the development of link it to the development of

conceptsconcepts; individual minds, groups, and organizations.; individual minds, groups, and organizations.



P ositive IndicatorsP ositive Indicators

P eople with a healthy level of self P eople with a healthy level of self- -esteemesteemfirmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when findingfirmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when findingopposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgement,are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgement,and not feeling guilty when others don't like their choice.and not feeling guilty when others don't like their choice.do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what coulddo not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what couldhappen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present

intensely.intensely.fully trusts in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. Theyfully trusts in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. Theyask others for help when they need it.ask others for help when they need it.consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while acceptingconsider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while acceptingdifferences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.take for granted that he is an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those withtake for granted that he is an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those withwhom he has a friendship.whom he has a friendship.resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.admits and accepts different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealingadmits and accepts different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealingthose drives to others only when they choose.those drives to others only when they choose.are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claimare sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claimno right or desire to prosper at others' expense.no right or desire to prosper at others' expense.



Negative IndicatorsNegative Indicators

A person with low self A person with low self- -esteem may show some of the following symptoms:esteem may show some of the following symptoms:Heavy self Heavy self--criticismcriticism , tending to create a habitual state of dissatisfaction with oneself., tending to create a habitual state of dissatisfaction with oneself.Hypersensitivity to criticismHypersensitivity to criticism, which makes oneself feel easily attacked and experience, which makes oneself feel easily attacked and experienceobstinate resentment against critics.obstinate resentment against critics.Chronic indecisionChronic indecision , not so much because of lack of information, but from an, not so much because of lack of information, but from anexaggerated fear of making a mistake.exaggerated fear of making a mistake.

Excessive will to pleaseExcessive will to please : being unwilling to say "no", out of fear of displeasing the: being unwilling to say "no", out of fear of displeasing thepetitioner.petitioner.PerfectionismPerfectionism , or self , or self--demand to do everything attempted "perfectly" without a singledemand to do everything attempted "perfectly" without a singlemistake, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.mistake, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.Neurotic guilt Neurotic guilt : one is condemned for behaviors which not always are objectively bad,: one is condemned for behaviors which not always are objectively bad,exaggerates the magnitude of mistakes or offenses and complains about themexaggerates the magnitude of mistakes or offenses and complains about themindefinitely, never reaching full forgiveness.indefinitely, never reaching full forgiveness.Floating hostilityFloating hostility , irritability out in the open, always on the verge of exploding even, irritability out in the open, always on the verge of exploding evenfor unimportant things; an attitude characteristic of somebody who feels bad about for unimportant things; an attitude characteristic of somebody who feels bad about everything, who is disappointed or unsatisfied with everything.everything, who is disappointed or unsatisfied with everything.Defensive tendenciesDefensive tendencies , a general negative (one is pessimistic about everything: life,, a general negative (one is pessimistic about everything: life,future, and, above all, oneself) and a general lack of will to enjoy life.future, and, above all, oneself) and a general lack of will to enjoy life.



TheoriesTheories

Many early theories suggested that self Many early theories suggested that self- -esteem is a basic human need or motivation.esteem is a basic human need or motivation.American psychologistAmerican psychologist Abraham MaslowAbraham Maslow, for example, included self , for example, included self--esteem in hisesteem in hishierarchy of needs. He described two different forms of esteem: the need for respecthierarchy of needs. He described two different forms of esteem: the need for respectfrom others and the need for self from others and the need for self- -respect, or inner self respect, or inner self- -esteem. Respect from othersesteem. Respect from othersentails recognition, acceptance, status, and appreciation, and was believed to beentails recognition, acceptance, status, and appreciation, and was believed to bemore fragile and easily lost than inner self more fragile and easily lost than inner self- -esteem. According to Maslow, without theesteem. According to Maslow, without thefulfillment of the self fulfillment of the self--esteem need, individuals will be driven to seek it and unable toesteem need, individuals will be driven to seek it and unable togrow and obtaingrow and obtain self self--actualizationactualization ..

Modern theories of self Modern theories of self--esteem explore the reasons humans are motivated to maintainesteem explore the reasons humans are motivated to maintaina high regard for themselves.a high regard for themselves. Sociometer Sociometer theory maintains that self theory maintains that self- -esteem evolvedesteem evolvedto check one's level of status and acceptance in ones'to check one's level of status and acceptance in ones' social groupsocial group . According to. According toterror management theoryterror management theory , self , self--esteem serves a protective function and reducesesteem serves a protective function and reducesanxiety about life and death.anxiety about life and death.



P arental InfluenceP arental Influence

P arental habits, whether positive or negative, can influence theP arental habits, whether positive or negative, can influence thedevelopment of those same habits of self development of those same habits of self- -perception in theirperception in theirchildren.children.



Awareness of What Affects Our Self Awareness of What Affects Our Self--EsteemEsteem

Self Self--esteem reflects our deepest vision of our competence andesteem reflects our deepest vision of our competence andworth. Sometimes this vision is our most closely guardedworth. Sometimes this vision is our most closely guardedsecret, even from ourselves, as when we try to compensate for secret, even from ourselves, as when we try to compensate for our deficiencies with what I call pseudoour deficiencies with what I call pseudo- -self self--esteemesteem³³a pretensea pretenseat a self at a self--confidence and self confidence and self--respect we do not actually feel.respect we do not actually feel.Nothing is more common than the effort to protect self Nothing is more common than the effort to protect self- -esteemesteemnot with consciousness but with unconsciousnessnot with consciousness but with unconsciousness³ ³with denialwith denialand evasionand evasion³³which only results in a further deterioration of which only results in a further deterioration of

self self--esteem. Indeed a good deal of the behavior we callesteem. Indeed a good deal of the behavior we callńeuroticµ can be best understood as a misguided effort tońeuroticµ can be best understood as a misguided effort toprotect self protect self--esteem by means which in fact are undermining.esteem by means which in fact are undermining.




Whether or not we admit it, there is a level at which all of us know that theWhether or not we admit it, there is a level at which all of us know that theissue of our self issue of our self--esteem is of the most burning importance. Evidence for thisesteem is of the most burning importance. Evidence for this

observation is the defensiveness with which insecure people may respondobservation is the defensiveness with which insecure people may respondwhen their errors are pointed out. Or the extraordinary feats of avoidance andwhen their errors are pointed out. Or the extraordinary feats of avoidance andself self--deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of unconsciousness and irresponsibility. Or the foolish and pathetic waysunconsciousness and irresponsibility. Or the foolish and pathetic wayspeople sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club. In more recent times, as the subject of by the exclusiveness of their golf club. In more recent times, as the subject of self self--esteem has gained increasing attention, one way of masking one·sesteem has gained increasing attention, one way of masking one·sproblems in this area is with the angry denial that self problems in this area is with the angry denial that self- -esteem is significantesteem is significant(or desirable).(or desirable).




Not all the values with which people may attempt to support a pseudoNot all the values with which people may attempt to support a pseudo- -self self--esteem are foolish or irrational. P roductive work, for instance, is certainly aesteem are foolish or irrational. P roductive work, for instance, is certainly a

value to be admired, but if one tries to compensate for a deficient self value to be admired, but if one tries to compensate for a deficient self- -esteemesteemby becoming a workaholic one is in a battle one can never winby becoming a workaholic one is in a battle one can never win³ ³nothing willnothing willever feel like énough.µ Kindness and compassion are undeniably virtues,ever feel like énough.µ Kindness and compassion are undeniably virtues,and they are part of what it means to lead a moral life, but they are noand they are part of what it means to lead a moral life, but they are nosubstitutes for consciousness, independence, self substitutes for consciousness, independence, self- -responsibility, andresponsibility, andintegrityintegrity³³and when this is not understood they are often used as disguisedand when this is not understood they are often used as disguisedmeans to buy ´loveµ and perhaps even a sense of moral superiority: Í·mmeans to buy ´loveµ and perhaps even a sense of moral superiority: Í·mmore kind and compassionate than you·ll ever be and if I weren·t so humblemore kind and compassionate than you·ll ever be and if I weren·t so humbleI·d tell you so.µ I·d tell you so.µ




One of the great challenges to our practice of living consciously is to payOne of the great challenges to our practice of living consciously is to payattention to what in fact nurtures our self attention to what in fact nurtures our self- -esteem or deteriorates it. The realityesteem or deteriorates it. The realitymay be very different from our beliefs. We may, for example, get a verymay be very different from our beliefs. We may, for example, get a verypleasant ´hitµ from someone·s compliment, and we may tell ourselves thatpleasant ´hitµ from someone·s compliment, and we may tell ourselves that

when we win people·s approval we have self when we win people·s approval we have self- -esteem, but then, if we areesteem, but then, if we areadequately conscious, we may notice that the pleasant feeling fades rather adequately conscious, we may notice that the pleasant feeling fades rather quickly and that we seem to be insatiable and never fully satisfiedquickly and that we seem to be insatiable and never fully satisfied³ ³and thisand thismay direct us to wonder if we have thought deeply enough about the sourcesmay direct us to wonder if we have thought deeply enough about the sourcesof genuine self of genuine self--approval. Or we may notice that when we give our approval. Or we may notice that when we give our conscientious best to a task, or face a difficult truth with courage, or takeconscientious best to a task, or face a difficult truth with courage, or takeresponsibility for our actions, or speak up when we know that that is what theresponsibility for our actions, or speak up when we know that that is what the

situation warrants, or refuse to betray our convictions, or persevere evensituation warrants, or refuse to betray our convictions, or persevere evenwhen persevering is not easywhen persevering is not easy³ ³our self our self--esteem rises. We may also notice thatesteem rises. We may also notice thatif and when we do the opposite, self if and when we do the opposite, self- -esteem falls. But of course all suchesteem falls. But of course all suchobservations imply that we have chosen to be conscious.observations imply that we have chosen to be conscious.



In the world of the future, children will be taught the basic dynamics of self In the world of the future, children will be taught the basic dynamics of self- -esteem and the power of living consciously and self esteem and the power of living consciously and self- -responsibly. They will beresponsibly. They will be

taught what self taught what self--esteem is, why it is important, and what it depends on. Theyesteem is, why it is important, and what it depends on. Theywill learn to distinguish between authentic self will learn to distinguish between authentic self- -esteem and pseudoesteem and pseudo- -self self--esteem. They will be guided to acquire this knowledge because it will haveesteem. They will be guided to acquire this knowledge because it will havebecome apparent to virtually everyone that the ability to think (and to learnbecome apparent to virtually everyone that the ability to think (and to learnand to respond confidently to change) is our basic means of survivaland to respond confidently to change) is our basic means of survival³ ³andandthat it cannot be faked. The purpose of school is to prepare young people for that it cannot be faked. The purpose of school is to prepare young people for the challenges of adult life. They will need this understanding to be adaptivethe challenges of adult life. They will need this understanding to be adaptiveto an information age in which self to an information age in which self--esteem has acquired such urgency. In aesteem has acquired such urgency. In afiercely competitive global economyfiercely competitive global economy³³with every kind of change happeningwith every kind of change happeningfaster and faster faster and faster³ ³there is little market for unconsciousness, passivity, or there is little market for unconsciousness, passivity, or self self--doubt. In the language of business, low self doubt. In the language of business, low self- -esteem and underdevelopedesteem and underdevelopedmindfulness puts one at a competitive disadvantage. However, neither mindfulness puts one at a competitive disadvantage. However, neither teachers in general nor teachers of self teachers in general nor teachers of self- -esteem in particular can do their jobsesteem in particular can do their jobsproperlyproperly³³or communicate the importance of their workor communicate the importance of their work³ ³until theyuntil theythemselves understand the intimate linkage that exists between the sixthemselves understand the intimate linkage that exists between the sixpractices described above, self practices described above, self- -esteem, and appropriate adaptation to reality.esteem, and appropriate adaptation to reality.´ The world of the futureµ begins with this understanding.´ The world of the futureµ begins with this understanding.



ShameShame

Shame is, variously, anShame is, variously, an affect affect ,, emotionemotion ,, cognitioncognition ,, state,state,or conditionor condition . The roots of the word shame are thought . The roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaningto derive from an older word meaning to coverto cover; as such,; as such,covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a naturalcovering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a naturalexpression of shame.expression of shame.



D escriptionD escriptionNineteenth century scientist Nineteenth century scientist Charles D arwinCharles D arwin , in his book, in his book The Expression of theThe Expression of theEmotions in Man and AnimalsEmotions in Man and Animals , described shame affect as consisting of , described shame affect as consisting of blushingblushing ,,confusion of mind, downward cast eyes, slack posture, and lowered head, and heconfusion of mind, downward cast eyes, slack posture, and lowered head, and henoted observations of shame affect in human populations worldwide. He also notednoted observations of shame affect in human populations worldwide. He also notedthe sense of warmth or heat (associated with the vasodilation of the face and skin)the sense of warmth or heat (associated with the vasodilation of the face and skin)occurring in intense shame.occurring in intense shame.

A "sense of shame" is the consciousness or awareness of shame as a state or A "sense of shame" is the consciousness or awareness of shame as a state orcondition. Such shamecondition. Such shame cognitioncognition may occur as a result of the experience of shamemay occur as a result of the experience of shameaffect or, more generally, in any situation of affect or, more generally, in any situation of embarrassment embarrassment ,, dishonordishonor , disgrace,, disgrace,inadequacy,inadequacy, humiliationhumiliation , or, or chagrinchagrin ..

A condition or state of shame may also be assigned externally, by others, regardless A condition or state of shame may also be assigned externally, by others, regardlessof the one's own experience or awareness. "To shame" generally means to activelyof the one's own experience or awareness. "To shame" generally means to activelyassign or communicate a state of shameassign or communicate a state of shame to another. Behaviors designed to "uncover"to another. Behaviors designed to "uncover"or "expose" others are sometimes used for this purpose, as are utterances likeor "expose" others are sometimes used for this purpose, as are utterances like"Shame!" or "Shame on you!""Shame!" or "Shame on you!"

Finally, to "have shame" means to maintain a sense of restraint against offendingFinally, to "have shame" means to maintain a sense of restraint against offendingothers (as withothers (as with modestymodesty ,, humilityhumility , and, and deferencedeference ) while to "have no shame" is to) while to "have no shame" is tobehave without such restraint (as withbehave without such restraint (as with excessive prideexcessive pride oror hubrishubris ).).



Shame vs. guilt and embarrassmentShame vs. guilt and embarrassment

The location of the dividing line between the concepts of shame,The location of the dividing line between the concepts of shame,guiltguilt, and, and embarrassmentembarrassment is not fully standardized.is not fully standardized.According to cultural anthropologistAccording to cultural anthropologist Ruth BenedictRuth Benedict , shame is a violation of , shame is a violation of cultural or social values while guilt feelings arise from violations of one'scultural or social values while guilt feelings arise from violations of one's

internal values. Thus, it is possible to feel ashamed of thought or behavior internal values. Thus, it is possible to feel ashamed of thought or behavior that no one knows about and to feel guilty about actions that gain thethat no one knows about and to feel guilty about actions that gain theapproval of others.approval of others.P sychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis argued that " The experience of shame isP sychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis argued that " The experience of shame isdirectly about the self, which is the focus of evaluation. In guilt, the self is notdirectly about the self, which is the focus of evaluation. In guilt, the self is notthe central object of negative evaluation, but rather the thing done is thethe central object of negative evaluation, but rather the thing done is the

focus." Similarly, Fossum and Mason say in their bookfocus." Similarly, Fossum and Mason say in their book Facing ShameFacing Shame thatthat"While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions,"While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions,shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Following this line of shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." Following this line of reasoning, P sychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman concludes that "Shame is anreasoning, P sychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman concludes that "Shame is anacutely self acutely self--conscious state in which the self is 'split,' imagining the self inconscious state in which the self is 'split,' imagining the self inthe eyes of the other; by contrast, in guilt the self is unified."the eyes of the other; by contrast, in guilt the self is unified."




C linical psychologist Gershen Kaufman's view of shame is derivedC linical psychologist Gershen Kaufman's view of shame is derivedfrom that of from that of A ffect Theory A ffect Theory , namely that shame is one of a set of , namely that shame is one of a set of instinctual, sh ort instinctual, short- -duration physiological reactions to stimulation. Induration physiological reactions to stimulation. Inthis view, guilt is considered to be a learned behavior consistingthis view, guilt is considered to be a learned behavior consistingessentially of self essentially of self- -directeddirected blameblame oror contempt contempt , with shame occurring, with shame occurringconsequent to such behaviors making up a part of the overallconsequent to such behaviors making up a part of the overallexperience of guilt. Here,experience of guilt. Here, self self--blameblame andand self self--contempt contempt mean themean theapplication, towards (a part of) one's self, of exactly the sameapplication, towards (a part of) one's self, of exactly the samedynamic that blaming of, and contempt for, others represents whendynamic that blaming of, and contempt for, others represents whenit is applied interpersonally. Kaufman saw that mechanisms such asit is applied interpersonally. Kaufman saw that mechanisms such asblame or contempt may be used as a defending strategy against theblame or contempt may be used as a defending strategy against theexperience of shame and that someone who has a pattern of experience of shame and that someone who has a pattern of

applying them to himself may well attempt to defend against aapplying them to himself may well attempt to defend against ashame experience by applying self shame experience by applying self- -blame or self blame or self- -contempt. This,contempt. This,however, can lead to an internalized, self however, can lead to an internalized, self- -reinforcing sequence of reinforcing sequence of shame events for which Kaufman coined the term "shame spiral".shame events for which Kaufman coined the term "shame spiral".




O ne view of difference between shame and embarrassment saysO ne view of difference between shame and embarrassment saysthat shame does not necessarily involve public humiliation whilethat shame does not necessarily involve public humiliation whileembarrassment does, that is, one can feel shame for an act knownembarrassment does, that is, one can feel shame for an act knownonly to oneself but in order to be embarrassed one's actions must only to oneself but in order to be embarrassed one's actions must be revealed to others. In the field of ethics (moral psychology, inbe revealed to others. In the field of ethics (moral psychology, inparticular), however, there is debate as to whether or not shame isparticular), however, there is debate as to whether or not shame isa heteronomous emotion, i.e. whether or not shame does involvea heteronomous emotion, i.e. whether or not shame does involverecognition on the part of the ashamed that they have been judgedrecognition on the part of the ashamed that they have been judgednegatively by others.negatively by others. Immanuel Kant Immanuel Kant and his followers held that and his followers held that shame is heteronomous;shame is heteronomous; Bernard WilliamsBernard Williams and others have arguedand others have arguedthat shame can be autonomous. Shame may carry the connotationthat shame can be autonomous. Shame may carry the connotationof a response to something that is morally wrong whereasof a response to something that is morally wrong whereas

embarrassment is the response to something that is morally neutralembarrassment is the response to something that is morally neutralbut socially unacceptable. A nother view of shame andbut socially unacceptable. A nother view of shame andembarrassment says that the two emotions lie on a continuum andembarrassment says that the two emotions lie on a continuum andonly differ in intensity.only differ in intensity.



SubtypesSubtypes

Genuine shameGenuine shame : is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or: is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, orcondemnation.condemnation.F alse shameF alse shame : is associated with false condemnation as in the: is associated with false condemnation as in thedoubledouble--bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to himbind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to himupon himself". A uthor and TV personalityupon himself". A uthor and TV personality John BradshawJohn Bradshaw callscalls

shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".shame the "emotion that lets us know we are finite".Secret shameSecret shame : describes the idea of being ashamed to be: describes the idea of being ashamed to beashamed, so causing ashamed people to keep their shame a secret.ashamed, so causing ashamed people to keep their shame a secret.V icarious shame V icarious shame : In the 1990s, psychologists introduced the: In the 1990s, psychologists introduced thenotion of vicarious shame, which refers to the experience of shamenotion of vicarious shame, which refers to the experience of shameon behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency toon behalf of another person. Individuals vary in their tendency toexperience vicarious shame, which is related toexperience vicarious shame, which is related to neuroticismneuroticism and toand tothe tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shamethe tendency to experience personal shame. Extremely shame- -prone people might even experience vicarious shame even to anprone people might even experience vicarious shame even to anincreased degree, in other words: shame on behalf of anotherincreased degree, in other words: shame on behalf of anotherperson who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (orperson who is already feeling shame on behalf of a third party (orpossibly on behalf of the individual proper).possibly on behalf of the individual proper).

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Self-Esteem & Shame