September 8, 2009CW: Chapter 3: ObservingBH: Shifts, pg.

Describe the object I’ve provided!I’ll come around with some objects. Take an object (I promise that most of them do

not bite). BUT I DO NEED THEM BACK!!!Describe your object in detail. I’ll give you

about 5 minutes. BE AWARE, THOUGH: When we are done, you

will read your description to the class (your audience) and we will guess at what you are describing. So the challenge here is to describe your object well enough that we can guess correctly on the first try.

“Observing Wolves”by Farley Mowat, pg. 66Which paragraphs form the narrative

framework (tell the story)?

Which paragraphs constitute the actual observation?

Paragraphs 8 – 18Why does this scene or passage work so well?

What are these paragraphs about?Mowat does a great job of making the wolves

human-like. Personification:

Defined – giving human qualities to inanimate objects

How Mowat uses it Marking of territoryA peaceful existence with neighbors, something that

doesn’t always happen in our world

Paragraphs 29 – 41 Great observation and descriptionBringing the micro to the macro

Mowat’s observation of Angeline’s diet is applied to all the Barren Land wolves.

Questions for Writing and Discussion#4. Four keys to effective description are

repeated observation, attention to sensory details, noticing changes in the subject or the subject’s behavior, and noticing what is not present. Find examples of each of these four strategies in the essay.

1. How do we know Mowat observes these wolves more than once?

2. What sensory details does Mowat rely upon?3. What changes in behavior does Mowat

notice?4. What does Mowat notice is not present?

From talking about writing to doing some writing…..

Pre-Writing / WritingObserving essays require some narrative

framework (usually a beginning and an ending), a story or anecdote that draws the readers into the essay The introduction should do several “things”:

It captures the readers’ interest. It tells (either implicitly or explicitly) what the

observation essay is about. It relates the main idea/topic/thesis of the essay.

Some methods/techniques to incorporate into the introductory narrative anecdote.1. Dialogue – use dialogue (a conversation between two or more

people) to open or set-up the scene.2. Use a smaller story that might illustrate the larger one. (micro to

macro)Example: I grew up poor in a small town. Although everyone I

knew was poor as well, we had shelter and our basic needs were taken care of….I didn’t realize how blessed I was. During my senior year at Wolfe City High School, I participated in a community service project where we worked in a soup kitchen in Dallas twice a month……(this anecdote leads into an observation essay about the homeless).

3. Use a larger story that might illustrate the smaller one. (macro to micro)

Example: Poverty is a pressing issue in America….Growing up in a rural area with a large family lead to many complications in my life.

4. Describe in minute detail the scene in which your observation essay takes place.

Pre-Writing or Writing: Which stage are you on right now?Ok, you have two options here:

If you don’t have a topic, let’s brainstorm a topic.

Think about a topic. By the time you leave class tonight, you need to have a topic decided upon. I want an answer by the end of the night.

If you have a topic, let’s work on defining the rhetorical situation, then the introductory anecdote.

Pre-Writing:Examining the Rhetorical SituationOnce you have a topic, begin by answering the following

questions:Subject: 1. What is your general subject?Specific Topic:2. What aspect of your subject interests you? Try to narrow your field or

limit your focus.Purpose:3. Why is this topic interesting or important to you and to others? 4. What is the dominant idea you are trying to convey?5. From what point of view will you be writing?

1. 1st person “I” “we” “our” etc.2. 2nd person “You” (largely ineffectual but sometimes necessary)3. 3rd person “he” “she” “They” “them” etc.

Audience:6. Who are your readers? 7. Why might they find this topic interesting?

WritingOnce you’ve examined the Rhetorical

Situation of your piece, I want you to begin writing.

Write the introduction of your essay. By “introduction,” I mean an opening anecdote that

draws your reader in. Begin with a story about your subject that maybe illustrates the “personality” of your larger subject.

Pre-Writing:Examining the Rhetorical SituationOnce you have a topic, begin by answering the following

questions:Subject: 1. What is your general subject?Specific Topic:2. What aspect of your subject interests you? Try to narrow your field or

limit your focus.Purpose:3. Why is this topic interesting or important to you and to others? 4. What is the dominant idea you are trying to convey?5. From what point of view will you be writing?

1. 1st person “I” “we” “our” etc.2. 2nd person “You” (largely ineffectual but sometimes necessary)3. 3rd person “he” “she” “They” “them” etc.

Audience:6. Who are your readers? 7. Why might they find this topic interesting?

BH: Eliminate distracting “shifts,” pg. 178 – 184 Make the point of view consistent in person (1st

Person [I, we, our], 2nd Person [you], or 3rd person [him, her, his, she, they). Example:

One week our (1st person) class met in a junkyard to practice rescuing a victim trapped in a wrecked car. We (1st person) learned to dismantle the car with essential tools. You (2nd person) were graded on your speed and your (2nd person) skill in extricating the victim.

Here, the writer begins with 3rd person “we” but does not maintain that point of view. Quickly revise this sentence.

BH: Eliminate distracting “shifts,” pg. 178 – 184 Make the point of view consistent in number.

Example:A police officer is (singular) often criticized for always being there when they (plural) aren’t needed and never being there when they (plural) are.

Revised: Police officers are (plural) often criticized for always being there when they (plural) aren’t needed and never being there when they (plural) are.

BH: Eliminate distracting “shifts,” pg. 178 – 184 Maintain consistent verb tenses.

Example:There was (past tense) no way I could (past tense) fight the current and win. Just as I was (past) losing hope, a stranger jumps (present) off a passing boat and swims (present) toward me.

Revised: There was (past tense) no way I could (past tense) fight the current and win. Just as I was (past) losing hope, a stranger jumped (past) off a passing boat and swam (past) toward me.

Quickly, go around the room and ask for topics.

For Thursday, Sept. 10CW: Chp. 3 – Continue Reading BH: Variety, pg. 200Be observant. Look for possible topics for this

first writing assignment. Be prepared to share your introductory

anecdote in class on Thursday. Be Prepared to WRITE IN-CLASS!!! If you

work best on a laptop, bring it. We might do some lengthy writing.