Sharing the Field

finding needs on the playground

The Situation

A Nonviolent Communication (NVC) trainer was teaching NVC to teachers and students at an elementary school.

One day while she was there, a conflict occurred on the playground between two groups of boys. It provided an opportunity to demonstrate how NVC skills can be used to mediate conflicts by helping people hear one another’s feelings and needs.

The Situation

It was toward the end of the lunch break and a small group of teachers were on the playground talking with the NVC trainer.

Two boys between the ages of ten and twelve ran to the NVC trainer. The bigger boy (boy 1) was red in the face and holding tightly on to a ball. The other, smaller, boy (boy 2) was crying. (Excerpt From: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Riane Eisler: “Life-Enriching Education.”)

“What happened?’

• Boy 1: “I wanted to play, and because of him (pointing to the other boy), I couldn’t.”

• Boy 2: “We want to play. Just because they’re bigger than us, they never give us the field.”

What will you do?

Feelings and Needs

• Feelings• Needs

• Interesting App iPhone: iGrok

Hearing Needs – Hearing Critique

It can be a difficult experience when someone starts addressing you directly in a blaming way. But it’s important to observe and hear the underlying feelings.

Don't take it personally.

The other person might not know it, but he is not acting like that because of you, but reacting to what’s happening inside himself. Find the emotion the person is feeling so you can ask about the need that isn’t met.

Find Feelings and Needs

• Boy 1: "I wanted to play, but because of him (pointing at the other boy) I couldn't." (see excerpt)

• Teacher: "Can you stop interrupting my class!”

• Mother: "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you graduating."