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My mind was at peace, a minormiracle in itself, as I looked downon mountains and rocky terrain,deserts and deep dark canyonswhere a careless foot could beswallowed.

Slowly, a cloud of mauve lightformed on the left, covering thedesert landscape and then, quitesuddenly, an intense violeteruption appeared on the right,alive and electric, white in places…

I walked on, watching my barefeet, watching the wild contoursand the colours which settleddown, eventually, to the calmerclouds of mauve staying just aheadof each foot as I mindfully steppedthrough the silent world of the oldmonastery hall on my walkingmeditation.

As I became aware again of the realdetails of my surroundings, I knewthere was one other person there, ayoung man sitting cross-legged,

straight-backed, deep in theshadows of a recess and hisanapanasati meditation.

Earlier – and later – there was nothree-dimensional landscape there,no lights beyond the rainy seasondusk seeping through the concretewindows… the floor was shinysmooth, only some underlyingpatterns from the way it was made;and the hall was light enough tosee but no more. It was silent, apartfrom the subdued roar of themonsoon storm.

Some experiences amaze, somestun, some fascinate… and, everyonce in a very long time, leave youknowing and unknowing, seeingand unseeing as you struggle tocome to terms with changes theybring about in yourself.

This experience, for me, was the10-day silent meditation retreat atthe International DhammaHermitage at Suan Mokkh, one of

the most famous meditationtemples in Thailand, in the southwhere the border of Burma isclosest to the Gulf of Thailand.

It is easy to focus on the toughliving conditions of the retreat –and I will, to some extent – but thedeep and, hopefully, lasting effectis on the mind as the monks, nunsand lay people explain aboutmeditation and life. Everyparticipant seemed to have heard adifferent voice, had a differentexperience, personal to each as weslogged our way through 17-hourdays as a silent communitysometimes practising alone,sometimes moving together likewe were possessed by aliens in anold sci-fi movie.

Suan Mokkh is an enormousmonastery, with a ‘public’ part – areception, areas of remembrancefor Buddhadasa Bhikkhu and hiswork there, a Spiritual Theatre,and other buildings associated

Silent world

John Keeble retreatsinto peace in Thailand

Pictured: a quiet moment soon after dawnat one of the Suan Mokkh ponds

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with a wat (temple complex), anarea for nuns and a freeaccommodation building fortravellers who need it or who willor have attended the retreat.

At one time, Suan Mokkh wasunbroken over hundreds of acresincluding a small sacred mountainand beyond that into the quietcoconut groves … it still has thatarea but today a major road bisectsit.

The 90 or so men and womentaking part in the retreat were agedfrom 16 to over 60 and arrivedfrom countries as diverse asAustralia and Germany, Israel andCanada, China and Switzerland.

On the last day of the month, wewere ferried the kilometre or twofrom the public area to the veryprivate, and usually very quiet,international hermitage. Secludednext to that area, there is a three-month retreat centre for Thai

women who will return to theircommunities to teach the Dhamma(the teachings of Buddha) andmeditation.

The gate, never locked, closedsymbolically as we wereinterviewed; we signed vows not tokill anything, not to speak, to eatonly after dawn and beforeafternoon, not to even think aboutsex, not to read or write except forretreat material, and not to rest onluxurious beds or chairs. We gaveour valuables into safe keeping andhanded over our mobile phones.Each of us signed up for dailychores… I opted for sweeping thesand, with five others, inMeditation Hall 5, an open-sidedsala big enough to hold maybe 200and our meeting place. No onewanted to clean the lavatories.

We were allocated concrete ‘cells’with concrete beds in separate maleand female quadrangles, knownthere as dorms, and shown to

them. Mandis were outside in thequadrangles for ‘showering’; andelectricity was available only longenough to get up at 4am and go tobed at 9.15pm for those whostruggled on that late…

Day 1: There was a bell ringing,clear and beautiful in the blacknessof my mosquito-net entombedworld … don’t ask for whom thebell tolls, it tolls for us and it is4am… I grappled with themoment, not knowing whichwould win – tiredness or thedesire to escape the monk’s life ofsleeping on a thin coconut mat ona sheet of hardboard on a slab ofconcrete with a block of barelyshaped wood for a pillow. I feltlike a blancmange that had gonesplat on a hard surface with hardbits sticking painfully andinconveniently out at odd angles.

I wimped off the bed, adjusted tothe night, switched on the light…must be in Med Hall 5 by 4.30…

“I opted for sweeping the sand in Meditation Hall 5” (shown above)

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“best if you don’t wear shoes, helpswith your Mindfulness … don’tworry about wildlife, the snakesare gentle (we hardly ever see acobra), scorpions and millipedescan cause pain that will make afisherman cry but they are neverfatal, the spiders are big butharmless …” OK, if you say so.

Yesterday’s people and today’ssilent apparitions floated throughthe darkness for maybe half akilometre to Med Hall 5 and sat, ina deep embracing silence, for ourfirst morning reading andmeditation before going to thedaily yoga. Ah, yoga. It looked likejust over an hour on the schedulebut it felt like two days (it was along time ago, but as I struggled tokeep up I couldn’t help thinking ithad been a mistake to have myspine redesigned by a tonne offalling wood and concrete).

Then, mindfully (a key word in ourtraining), we returned to Med Hall

5 for a Dhamma talk and moresitting meditation before, finally, at8am, it was time for breakfast ofrice soup with vegetables and rawleaves of various delicious kindsplus tea.

The day, like most of the others,took its course: After breakfast, ourchores. By then it was pleasantlywarm (that’s a euphemism forfeeling hot, sweaty, unshaven andwearing yesterday’s clothes), but acold mandi shower and shaveawaited us. Then: 10.00 Dhammatalk; 11.00 Walking meditation;11.45 Sitting meditation; 12.30Lunch (last meal of the day:vegetarian curry, rice, maybenoodles or vegetables, and adessert or fresh fruit) and hotspring; 14.30 Meditationinstruction and sitting meditation;15.30 Walking meditation; 16.15Sitting meditation; 17.00 Chanting& Loving Kindness meditation;18.00 Tea (mug of…) and hotspring for some, but the second

cold mandi shower for me; 19.30Sitting meditation; 20.00 Groupwalking meditation round theponds under a night sky ofcrescent moon and stars brightwith no ground light pollution;20.30 Sitting meditation; and 21.15Bedtime. In there, during thebreaks, was some rest time: mostslept but for me it was a tranquiltime sitting in the shade by theponds.

Within a few days, I realised thatanapanasati (the breathingtechnique taught by the Buddha)was not for me and I switched allmy efforts to walking meditation.At first, I thought walkingmeditation would be easy: it justneeds concentration, right? Yes,right… first, the mind is veryrebellious. Then, when you cosh itinto some kind of co-operation, itgets very sly… it knows all yourweaknesses, all your little mentalrat runs, and it does anything totempt you from concentration on

“I switched all my efforts to walking meditation”

John practising walking meditation in the oldest of the hallsPhotograph by Colette Nolan

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just walking. At one stage, itescaped and within 10 steps, it hadplanned a business … on another,it conjured up a metre-high bottleof Singha beer right in front of meand, the depth of slyness, used thatto tempt me into laughing at thejoke countless times afterwards.

But, by Day 7, I was getting there.Then the monsoon returned with avengeance. And the biting antswere intent on revenge for just onelittle moment’s loss ofmindfulness… so I moved to theoldest meditation hall, wherealmost immediately I experienceddeeper concentration and sawthree-dimensional images andcolours as I meditated.

The storms got worse, the rain sofierce it was forcing itself throughmy umbrella. Previously dry areaswere deep with water and the mudsquelched pleasantly between thetoes.

The retreat’s meanings got deepertoo, and what seemed shallow atfirst now opened like a lotus flowerand we began to see some of thelinks with life that, in respect ofdukkha, have hardly changed intwo and a half thousand years.

On Day 11, after the usual 4am rise,the retreat finished with a finaladdress by the abbot, Tan AjarnPoh. There were fewer people thanwhen it started. Some had left, forwhatever reasons, but most of uswere there to hear Abbot Poh.

Back at the dorm, as we packed,cleaned up and got ready to sayhello to a luxurious bedsomewhere, someone was softlywhistling I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane.

But I was wondering what it hadall been about. Not because therewas so little but quite the opposite.There was so much that I wantedto keep and use when I got back to

what I was no longer sure was thereal world.■

Web: www.suanmokkh-idh.org

Location: a taxi ride from Surat Thaniairport north of the city

Cost: 2000 baht when registering. Cash

Dates: Last day of each month through to theend of the 10th of the next. No email etcbooking: you have to go there but can stayovernight free and you leave on the 11th

Food: All vegetarian, almost all vegan,popular with everyone

Take: Loose clothes (fisherman pants, T-shirts), toiletries, towel, flashlight, mosquitorepellent

“Within ten steps, it had escaped”

A moment’s rest in theSpirituality Theatre

Alternative or additional Seven day retreat on Ko Samui on the 21st of the month. Registration is the day before. Same people organise it. But there is far less guidance so you need to know why you are going and what to do.Web: www.dipabhavan.org