I D E N T I T Ysimple

A shift from who I was, who I thought I would become, who I did become, who I am, who I am becoming, and who I will be.

I N G R E D I E N T S

A compilation of my personal impressions regarding the many years since my adoption in the United States as a South Korean Adoptee. In this reflection I have prepared a memoir of my thoughts and reactions to my adoption and how it has shaped me into the young adult I am today.

Within this journal, I review my general up-bringing and my relationship with my adopted family. I further my self exploration by analysing my moments of self doubt and questions per-taining to my identity. I think about how I have matured, and how I turned frustration into ac-cepted acknowledgement. I end with a look into my future goals and aspirations.

I hope to inspire and uphold the beauty behind international adoption.

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the basics

anger to acceptance

who the hell am i?

future aspirations

me, myself, and i.

resolutions.

identity crisis.

days ahead.

me, my SELF, and iTHE BASICS

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july 1992

08

A cache of ups and downs, ques-tions and answers, constant doubts and uncertaintities, mixed emo-tions, confidence to none. I can’t pin point much of anything in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

TH EY G U I D E M E,

PROVI D E FOR M E,

AN D MOST OF ALL,

SU PPORT M E.

I BLAMED MY ADOPTION.

THIS WOULD BE THE MOST LIFE CHANGING MOMENT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

I was born outside of Seoul, South Korea during the autumn of November 1990. I was moved around between family members and organisations before I was placed up for adop-tion. At the age of nineteen months, I was finally adopted by a family living in Indianapolis, Indiana. In July I flew to the United States to be greeted by my new mother, father, older sister, and grandparents. They met me with open arms.

I recognized my strengths and weak-nesses at a young age. Art, music, and sports engulfed my youth. I was encouraged to always try new things and work hard at them. I discovered my own comfortable level of perfec-tion that I strived for. I aimed for self fulfillment and happiness.

maya angelo

“You did what you knew

how to do and when you

knew better you did better.”

identity CRISISWHO THE HELL AM I?

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I didn’t know how to control

these u n c e r t a i n t i e s .

I self analyzed and

DU R I NG MOM E NTS OF UNHAPPINESS

I felt a lot of conflict at a young age. I don’t believe I understood or appreciated my upbringing the way I do now. When there were disruptions in my youth, I often blamed my adoption. I was always very restless and anxious and I didn’t know what to do or how to control it or why I even was feel-ing this way. I needed to find ways to feel in control of my en-vironment and the emotions I was feeling. Conquering these problems became this long journey for self acceptance.

I BLAMED MY ADOPTION.reflected until I felt

that my head would

e x p l o d e

When I was younger, there was lack of self understanding so there was a lack of questions and vise versa. When I was in middle school and high school I learned simple and subtle ways to gain control. Rearranging my room, sneak-ing out at night, or going for walks without destinations became my temporary cure-alls. I could do all these little things, but at the end of the day, I lacked something and it was always these endless frustrations that I fell asleep with.

Sylvia Plath

I can never read all the books I want;

I can never be all the people I want and live

all the lives I want. I can never train myself

in all the skills I want and why do i want?

I want to live and feel all the shades,

tones and variations of mental and

physical experience possible in life.

And I am horribly limited.

re SOLUTIONSANGER TO ACCEPTANCE

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MY R E STLE SS N E SS FU E LE D MY EAG E R N ESS TO TRAVE L .

Instead of blame I started to embrace the things I used to dislike. The restlessness and anxiousness I experienced was soon controlled. I knew how to settle the uneaseness. I had the opportunity to study abroad and it provided me an insight on the way I view myself and my identity. I became this undefined girl from the United States with an American first name, a Korean middle name, and a Greek last name. I was defined as exotic. It was a new experience for me to witness that not only was I different but I could be loved and accepted for exactly those differences. I owe a lot to the friends I made in Europe; they gave me a renewed sense of confi-dence and purpose. I felt at home.

I E NCOU NTE R E D MOM E NTS

WH E R E I R EJ ECTE D MY

I DE NTITY AN D U PB R I NG I NG.

MY R E STLE SS N E SS FU E LE D MY EAG E R N ESS TO TRAVE L .

My heritage

has always been

questioned, mocked,

admired, rejected,

and accepted.

These reactions inspired within me a choice to either be bitter or accepting. I went with a route that masked inner aversion and turned unfavourable situations into moments of laughter and informali-ties. my skin became tougher and I learned to find the silver lining in my roots.

Never take yourself too seriously.

days AHEADFUTURE ASPIRATIONS

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AWAR E

LEAR N I NG

PIAN I ST

D E D ICATE D

D E S IG N E R

NOSTALG IC

LOYAL

EXPLOR E R

ATH LETE

CR EATIVE

PH I LOSOPH E R

TRAVE LE R

ARTI ST

CU R IOUS

I hope in the future I may continue the line of adoption that is in my family. International adoption provided me with endless opportuni-ties and I hope I can give the same security to a child in need. Adoption changed my life and I believe every child should have the same chances I have had. I am really proud of who I have be-come. I am self aware and I often times compile word lists associated with myself and where I am currently. I have experiences all sorts of personal upsets and achievements that have pushed me down and built me up. My adoption provid-ed me both disciplines, but I’ve learned to be accepting and optimistic.

Sometimes, I like to think that my original flight from South Korea to the United States enstilled this love for travel and movement. I believe I am a natural traveler. I love flying and the way the engines rumble and roar. I love the vibrations of the engine and the sighs from the pas-sengers. The sense of relief and sadness as I feel the wheels unfold from the plane to conclude another well traveled adventure. Sometimes, I wish I could always be traveling so I could always be learning and networking and breath-ing new air.

I have adopted a lifestyle

that satisfies me mentally,

physically, and emotionally.

I AM AN OPTI M I ST

I N CONCLUSION

If I wasn’t adopted the number of oppor-tunities available for me would be decreased dramatically. I am thankful for the way my life turned out. I am most thankful for my family and friends accepting me for who I am and who I am becoming and who I will be.