Skunk Hollow Scentinal Jeep to Furnish Social Transport

By R A E M A R Y C H A S E

F L A S H ! On Friday nights the Jeep w i l l take those that make reservations on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday to the "Gardens." The same applies to Saturday night except i t takes groups to the movies in Port, Great Neck or Manhasset.

Sunday, i t is being considered that a gang shall be transported to the Strathmore Bowling Alleys for the afternoon. These ideas were submitted by the esteemed faculty and approved by the stu-dents.

Buy a war stamp every week so that this plan can go into function as soon as possible. Buy the stamps through your homeroom president.

Those who like to go down to "Pete 's " during the school week w i l l find the Jeep in the court yard where yours t r u l y w i l l have you arrive in front of the estab-lishment in record time. I t is recommended that you fasten your safety belts.

I n the mornings a goodmany people in the community have hired the jeep out for plowing up their yards for a Victory Garden. I t has been reported that a jeep in Floral Park did a very satis-factory job, plus a planting and harvesting project.

This summer many students have signed up to go to the beaches. Jones Beach is included.

The biggest surprise of a l l is that once a month a group are going into the Cafe Rouge, Cen-t u r y Room or the Astor Roof. So make your plans as soon as pos-sible in order to get good seats in the jeep.

Due to the connections w i t h Washington the Port Washington High School Cafeteria w i l l serve free lunches from now on. A l l the steak you can eat, w i t h mashed potatoes, carrots, s tr ing beans, lettuce, and tomatoes, and bread w i t h al l the butter you need. A l l this w i l l be topped off by a heap-, ing dish of ice cream (any flavor you w a n t ) .

Miss Rolls-and-Butter ancounced that this w i l l last for the dura-tion.

U. U. Honor Roll Announced

These people have attained the distinction of receiving U. U . in al l their subjects for the past six weeks. They should be compli-mented on the high standard they have reached. Home Room

101— Jonanthon Benedict. 102— Mary Hacker, Margaret Ross,

Patsy St. Clair, Salvatore So-rice, Robert Wick, Wi lma Sierputowski.

103— David Crowell . 105— Richard Sherman, Betty Lou

Thomas. 106— Robert Bade, Louis Baker. 107— Rose Belifore, John Bobkow-

sky, Ned Bullis, Mary Ches-sa.

108— Jacqueline Conklin, George Driscoll , Dorethes Farelly.

109— ̂ Virginia Kehoe, James Kors. 110— Susan Smith, Doris Tyson. 202— Robert Mesch, Carot l Neu-

man, oJhn Vandervoort. 203— Dorothy Fisher. 206—Robert Lucent. 207— M a r i l yn Baum, Betty Davis. 208— Hugh Montgomery, Phil ip

Nelson. 209— Anna Bor io t t i . 210— Geraldine Sadlo, Mary Jane

Smith, W i l l i a m Woodson. 211— Barbara Lowe. G-9—Beryn Hegarty.

Get Your New A R S E N I C C O K E

By That Joik C H I C K E N W A L L I E C E

I 1

fo Come Tuesday, April 6—1:00 a. m.—

Girls—How to Get Your Man in a world of war.

Friday, AprU 9—5:30 p.m.—Pre-view of Joint Session.

Friday, April 9—10:00 p.m.—Mo-tion Picture on How Not to Live College Programs.

Friday, evening—11:00 p.m.—Hop Rally.

I J

German Bombing Clianges Drills

The regulations for Are drills have been changed since the last German bombing burned the school down and i t is hoped that the students w i l l adhere to the changes. When you hear the buz-zer r in g run do not walk to the nearest exit. I f this is not pos-sible us the nearest window. I f you must go by stairway please slide down the banisters, i f pos-sible.

These new regulations w i l l be most effective i f every one starts ta lk ing and laughing at once.

Loiter ing in the door ways w i l l be very helpful especially i f you are keeping your neighborhood from gett ing out quickly.

I f i t is near lunch periods i t has been suggested that you sit on the steps and eat your lunch being sure to ro l l up your paper and bags before throwing them down-stairs those being fortunate enough to have bananas might throw the skins on the stairs in order to as-sist some students in gett ing down the stairs faster.

I n other words to make the reg-

I n a joyous and festive spirit , the entire student body of Skunk Hollow, paid tr ibute today to M r . Ai tken . The happy crowds and holiday spirit brought out the Hot Dog vender, the Pretzel man and Hamburger Joe.

I t was a bright sunny day. I n fact, the only thing missing was the high school band.

Flags were waving al l up and down Main Street. The crowd had long over flowed the curb and now stretched from building wal l to building wal l .

The laughter, jesting and horse-play interchanged between those in the crowd and the people hang-ing out of the window on the roofs made a happy cacaphony that far surpassed that of any other occa-sion in the history of Skunk H o l -low.

Rupert U t k i n jestled people r ight and left dashing madly about the crowd w i t h a gr in plastered over his face from ear to ear. Duvy Goolet was throwing his hat in the air showting "Yipee" i n a voice hoarse from shouting.

Groom Zimmerman was patt ing everybody w i t h i n reach on the back. The revelry lasted well i n -to the night. Justice of Peace Smith was heard to say that i t was the most jubi lant funeral he had ever conducted.

Teacliers Receive Wage Boost

Regardless of President Roose-velt's recent announcement that no salary should exceed $25,000 annually, an exception has been made for the teachers of Skunk Hollow High School.

Here after, they w i l l receive $31,000 plus a year's supply of their favorite brand of cigarettes. Time and a half w i l l be paid for any time spent in school after 2:15. This a great advantage over last year's system because the teachers w i l l receive pay while having the privilege of detaining pupils. A l l the teachers approve whole heartedly of the contract.

A special b i l l was passed to i n -clude ten whips for M r . Zebra, director of the torture chamber.

Mrs. Cockroach, substitute, an-nounced that she foresaw perfect class sessions and higher marks for al l students.

ulations most effective endeavor to cause as much confusion as pos-sible.

Page Duo S K U N K H O L L O W April Fool

SKUNK H O LL O W SCE N TIN A L T h r o w n t o g e t h e r y u r l e e t o u r i n g dee (Schu le J a h r e ) by t h e

" B e a s t s " of t h e P l o t B l a s h i n g t o n D o r m i t o r i e e , P l o t B l a s h i n g t o n , S h a n g r i L e a . I t ' s k o s t i n g y o u 1 /81 m i l s . B y c a r r i e r p igeon 2,000 c inco centav i s . F o r vone ishue 3/224.38 l i b r e s . S lapped t o g e t h e r a n d l i n e o -t y o e d b y H e r r W i l h u l m K l y e s u r — L u n k I s l u n g .

D E R F U H R E R S

M E D M A R M E Y L A D E u n t C L A H A M E S H I R M M U R

D U K E S and D U C H E S S E S

W I L H E L M A P L O P P E R , O Y O R L U R S E N , M A R Y L A N D B L O O M

Nosey C o m m a n d a n t P L O T F I S H U R E S l a p s t i c k la Cabezo N A T S H O H E N " W e C h e c k - e m " le G i u d e C H O C H O M U S S O "Go Get I t " la T e t a P E T S Y G A G N U T " M I N D Y O U R O W N " e l C o n d u c t o r F A R I E T R O B A N H e p c a t e l Je fe M U C K Y D O N T E N C o p y k a t le G e n e r a l D O H I S S B L O O M Nosey S t u f f N O T W O R T H M E N T I O N I N G B I G C H I E F U N E R A B L E K A R L A U S E K O O Z O R

Vol . 0103 1 /16—No. 331-96.5 Aprool 1, 2 B . C .

Spring Vaca t ion Apr i l 2 - May 28 A t a r e cent m e e t i n g o f t h e

B o a r d of E d u c a t i o n a n e w r u l e w a s m a d e w h i c h l e n g t h e ns t h e E a s t e r v a c a t i o n i n o r d e r t o save t h e gas a n d t i r e s used i n b r i n g i n g s t u d e n t s t o school . T h e v a c a t i o n w i l l s t a r t A p r i l 2, a n d end on M a y 3. I n c i d e n t l y t h i s w i l l he lp t o con -serve p o t a t o e chips a n d bread .

I t has been suggested t h a t t h e

s u m m e r v a c a t i o n c o m m e n c e on M a y 28, a n d e x t e n d u n t i l O c t . 4. T h i s o b v i o u s l y is t o save f u e l a n d basebal l e q u i p m e n t .

I t has been r u m o r e d t h a t s t u -dents w i l l have e v e r y W e d n e s d a y a n d F r i d a y o f f t o assist t h e i r f a m -i l ies i n b u d g e t i n g t h e r e d coupons a n d e v e r y T u e s d a y t h e b l u e c o u -pons i n r a t i o n book N o . 2.

BIRTH D AY CONGRATULATIONS

Band C o n c e r t to Be Sp e c t a cu l ar Flap T h i s y e a rs B a n d C o n c e r t has

been p r e d i c t e d t o be a m u s i c a l a n d financial f lop. Because M r . C h r i s -t o p h e r C o l u m b u s has been so busy d i s c o v e r i n g A m e r i c a , he h a s n ' t f o u n d a n y t i m e to rehearse t h e b a n d . I t w i l l be imposs ib le f o r h i m t o even a t t e n d t h e concer t , so he has a p p o i n t e d M r . J a m es " M u s c l e s " B r a w l t o c o n d u c t t h e p u t r i s o r c h e s t r a t i o n .

D u e t o t h e f a c t t h a t m a n y of

t h e m e m b e r s o f t h e b a n d feel t h a t

t h e i r p l a y i n g is to s u p e r i o r f o r

t h i s n u t house, C o l u m b u s has f i n -

a l l y p e r m i t t e d A n g e l W o m e n z o a n d

A p r i l Puddles t o e n t e r t a i n ( i f

t h a t ' s w h a t y o u c a l l i t t h e i n m a t e s

w i t h t h e i r a m a t e u r p l a y i n g .

A n y b o d y t h a t c a n f o r ce t h e m -selves t o a t t e n d t h i s c o n c e r t w i l l be p a i d $5.00 p r o v i d e d t h a t t h e y s t a y f o r t h e e n t i r e c o n c e r t .

Library Announces New Books M r s . B e r g - O n - I c e has j u s t a n -

n o u n c e d t h a t t h e l i b r a r y has j u s t r e c e i v e d a g r o u p o f n e w books such as: " S n o w W h i t e , " " H u m p t y D u m p t y , " " O l e K i n k C o l e , " a n d also a book of co l l e c ted n u r s e r y r h y m e s t h a t consists o f " M a r y

H a d A L i t t l e L a m b , " " L i t t l e B o y B l u e , " " T h e O l d L a d y W h o L i v e d i n A Shoe , " " J a c k A a n d J i l l " etc.

I t is hoped b y t h e l i b r a r y s t a f f t h a t t h e r e a d i n g l e v e l of t h e p u -p i l s w i l l become h i g h e r b y such a g rade of books.

innperialists Panic Paramount

" B a b e " I m p e r i a l a n d his orches -t r a have come back t o t h e P a r a -m o u n t f o r a r e t u r n engagement . H e has been t o u r i n g t h e c o u n t r y p l a y i n g a t t h e " C o c o n u t G r o v e , " t h e " H o l l y w o o d C a n t e e n " a n d m a n y o t h e r places. H a r r y James has c o m p l i m e n t e d I m p e r i a l a n d showed good s p o r t s m a n s h i p i n los -i n g h i s t i t l e t o h i m .

A f t e r p l a y i n g a t t h e ParEunount " B a b e " I m p e r i a l w i l l t a k e his o r -c h e s t r a t o H o l l y w o o d t o s t a r i n t h e b igges t m u s i c a l p i c t u r e ever f i l m e d . T h e t i t l e : " F a l l i n t h e C a t s k i l l s " b y J o h n F i n d l e t o n .

Glee Club Explosion A t the l a s t g e t - t o g e t h e r o f t h e

Glee C o u r t , t h e i n a c t i v e m e m b e r s

c o n d u c t e d a series o f exp los ive ex-

p e r i m e n t s . T h e f i r s t exp los ion w a s

M o n s i e u r E d u a r d " C r a c k e r j a c k "

C r i k e t . W h e n C a n d l e W i c k m i x e d

some H 2 0 w i t h t h a t m o s t p r e c i -

ous m i n e r a l N a C l .

Mane Street Meat Market ! ! - S A L E • ! I

B E E F S T E A K H O R S E S ' F E E T B R A I N S

P I G ' S K N U C K L E S AL L THAT MEAT AND

NO POTATOES

M a r c h

19— ̂ N . P a r k y , R i c h a r d C l o c k .

2 2 — M i t c h e l T u m b l e w i c z . 2 3 — J . E x s l a v e .

25— J E . F r a n c i s c o , E . C r e e k , G. H u m p t e e t , M . W h o is She, J no H e l l o .

2 6 — M . T o Seo. 2 9 — W a l l a c e A i d , j o i n W i l k i e ,

George W i l i k e . 3 1 — B a r b a r a A n n e Ca l f . A p r i l

1 — W i l l i a m S i m p l e S i m o n , E . L a -m o r t .

2 — E. Come a n d ge t i t . 3 — T . E y e f u l , P . O. service . 4 — ̂ Richard C o m m a s , L e i f B a t h ,

G r a e m e T h e r a d i o genius . 5— ̂ Stephen B o m b e r .

6— S a l l y L i m b , M . P e n n y f o r y o u . 7— A . Face i n t h e H o l e . 8 — J . T h e E n e m y . 9— ̂ M. M a r y M a r y q u i t e c o n t r a r y .

1 0 — F . K i n d t o m e n , L . M u f f - i t , N o - g o , A d e l e B o r - C o w - S k i .

1 1 — C. O C r y i n g . 1 2 — E. F i t a p i c k , R i c h a r d C r a w l ,

M a r y H e l e n B r o t h , J a n e Grease. 15—^E. P i c k ' em h a r d , E . L o c k

t h e she l l . 1 7 — A . D e F i r e . 1 8 — B . L i o n , G l o r i a T o n o f b o l t s . 2 0 — F r a n c e s B o w l o f m e n , W . Ra -

ven , P. H o l d t h e m back . 2 1 — A . L a n d of t h e s t r i c t , I . L o u -

p y B . M a r k . 2 2 — J . M a r y o r n o t . 2 5 — ̂ E. H i d e , R . H a r m o n i c a , C.

F l o w e r h o u s e . M a y

1—^Wini fred G o t t e n v o n . 3 ^ o h n B o b - O - L i n k . 6— ̂ Kenny's C o m p a n i o n . 7— V i r g i n i a B r o c c o l i . 8 — R. D a r e - t o - b e . 9 ^ . B u r n t h e W a s h .

1 0 — J . F i e l d i n B l o o m , J . F l a n d e r -foo t .

1 1 — J . F i n d - h e r - f i n d l y . 1 2 — M . M a h a n n a . 1 3 ^ L . T h e fish. 15— ' N . F u l l o f love , F . T h e ac-

c o r d i o n . 1 6 — P. Son o f t h e D i c k . 1 7 — M . B i t o f Sole. 18— - B . T h e L a d d e r , C. 5 P t s . 19—R. V - 8 R. T h e P ie ck . 2 0 — J u l i a M a c a r o n i . 2 1 — ̂ A. D i v e , P. I n d e n t - o r - n o t . 2 2 — J o a n H a m , D o r e t t e C i n d e r s ,

E . M a n of H o n d i n i M . 855 F r a n k l i n A v e .

2 3— ̂ D. O p e n C h a s m , B e t t y L o u T o n i c , E l e a n o r T h e g r e a t usher -e t t e .

2 4 — T . T h e G r e e k , P . O r e , E . T h e Boss.

2 6 — J . A & P L o a f e r , M i l l i c e n t Soup C o n n i e Soup.

28—^Frances Saver . J u n e

1 — C. T h e N o t , I r a i d a S o re o f

C a r . 2— jRose B e l l o f F l o w e r , S. D e

Seo J . W h o w e n t a 3 — T r e z Son o f T h o m p , P. F r a i s e r . 4 _ _ N . N o t - t o - b e , W . N o t S a l t ,

D a v i d C r a w l . 5—iS. U p - t h e - R o a d , A . Son o f

P e t e r , A . C a n t e e n .

6— P. Coa l a n d O i l .

7— N . Cap of r e l l a .

8— J . B o r e , M a r y Jane M y t h .

1 0 — R. W r e n c h t h e L a w . 1 1 — J . Shadow, J . Ice , R. D r y

Goods. 1 2 — J . Sent of C o a l , R. F r i e d , J .

E a t Je l l o , J . O ' N i g h t .

1 3 — D . G u a r d t h e d a m , P. T h e g r a t poet .

1 4 — ̂ R.I's w o r t h 2 cents . 1 5 — B . D e w , G. Seek. 1 6 — R. D r e n c h , B . B a k i n g P o w d e r ,

C. L a k e , B . C u t t i e . 1 8 — P . S o n o f N e l , T e r r y C o w ,

A l e x a n d e r B r o t h .

2 0 — J . H o w she r a n , J . A p r i l , A . N o H e l l o , F . P o t o f t a r .

2 1 — E . I c e b e r g , E . I c e b e r g , A r l i n e B u n d l e , A . S i c k - o f - N o l f i .

2 8 — J a m H u t S u t S u i t e . 2 9 — L o u i s e S n e a k y . 3 0 — Josephine T h e g i r l o f j e w e l s .

IT'S FR IED

O B I T U A R I E S J e r k y T e n - t o n has c o m m i t e d

suic ide due to t h e f a c t t h a t D a v e t h e d i r t y - h o g a n d J a m G i n l a y h a ve been a r r e s t e d as N a z i spies . . . also t h e d e a t h o f a n o t h e r one o f o u r g r e a t l overs . B e d P a m e l l i a , has a f f e c ted us g r e a t l y . . .

N e d C o w i s w e n t cross-eyed a t a show i n M i n s k y ' s T u e s d a y n i g h t . . . . E v e r y g i r l i n school is g o i n g t o be presented a b r a n d n e w u B i c k c o n v e r t i b l e on A p r i l 1st . . . C o o k y S w i m m e r loves w e d d i n g so m u c h t h a t he is g o i n g t o become a j u s -t i ce o f t h e peace . . . Messy P u d -dles has been e s c o r t i n g a c u t e b londe f r o m k i n d e r g a r t e n t h r o u g h t h e h a l l s . . . M a r r y i n g k i l l s m e n a n d S i c k " C o w b o y " B l o n d h a ve s w o r n n o t t o use t h e l a t t e r ' s gas f o r p l easure d r i v i n g . . . U - M a k e r w a s seen o u t w i t h H e d y L a M a r r S a t u r d a y n i g h t ( i t w a s a n i ce j o b , w a s n ' t i t ? ) . . . A p i c t u r e o f B a b e r G l o w w a s f e a t u r e d i n " E s q u i r e " t h i s m o n t h . . . P i l l L e p e r a n d G y p s y Rose L e e are r e p o r t e d t o be " t h a t - w a y " ( w h i c h w a y ? ) a b o u t each o t h e r . . . T h r i l l H e l s o n is g o i n g s teady w i t h W a n d e r L o u -sy . . . A i n H o l l e r a n d M e r r y H o p i n ' are r e a l l y hep t o each o t h e r . . . C i n d e r S o r r y , M e r r y -l a n d i n c e n d i a r y , a n d P h e m D u m m y w i l l spend t h e e n t i r e v a c a t i o n a t K i n g s P a r k .

D o n ' t f o r g e t , k i d s , t h i s is o n l y

A p r i l F o o l .

GREANFIELD 'S BLOND MARKET

G e t A l l Y o u r

P E R O X I D E , E T C .

Before the R a t i o n i n g Begin s

F o r t h e convenience o f o u r p a t r o n s w e a r e m o v i n g the i n d i -g e s t i o n remedies n e x t t o o u r l u n c h e o n e t t e .

S k u n k Hol low D r u g E m p o r i u m

April Fool S K U N K H O L U O W Page Tres

Fralry to Evade

Sadie Hawkins

The F r a t r y has been reading the funny sheets. They've just thought of an idea to have a Sa-die Hawkins day for the Whole school. (Won't the kids enjoy that?)

For the benefit of those who have never heard of Sadie Hawk -ins Day ( i f any) i t is a gala event i n which the boys line up, a gun is fired and off they go. The idea is for the girls to t ry and catch the boys before sundown. I f they are successful (Oh Happy Day) the boys- (Oh Unhappy Day) have to go out w i t h the conqueror.

Hints to the boys: Get a hollow reed and go under water and stay there ( i t w i l l be a l i t t l e wet) chase a squirrel out of a hollow tree and go there yourselves.

I f this idea goes through the girls are going to be fast runners a l l of a suddent.

Hitty Dif+ ies

Just to get into the spir it of things on A p r i l Fool's day, here are a few ditties for you to smile at (? )

1. Mister 5 by 5, B i l l y Peper. 2. A in ' t got a dime to my name,

Graeme Zimmer. 3. Be honest w i t h me, M r . Chris-

topher. 4. Big broad smile, Charles May-

nard. 5. Cool water, Jasper Bloomfleld

(hot water ) . €. Der Fuhrer's Face, Bob Eis-

wor th . 7. I l ike to be loved by you, Lo-

rene Seeber to Bob Mitchel . 8. Just lazy, W i l l i a m Woodson. 9. Just plain lonesome, Carol

Bull is . 10. Long may we love, Phi l Nelson

and Lois Meuller. 11. Sharp as a tack, Bobby Fried. 12. Fools rush in, Lunch period. 13. Gimme Jimmie, Ann Terry .

Studen+s in English To Receive H H

M r . Dimout, head of the Eng-lish Department of Skunk Hol low High School, on behalf of the re-quest of the pupils argued for three hours w i t h a l l the other English teachers to give al l pu-pils an H H on the next report. The reason was said that i t was because M r . Dimout told the other English teachers that the pupils have at least tr ied hard and they deserve H H .

ROGUES' GALLERY SKUNK HOLLOW JUG EDUARDO PICKRALL GERTRUDE BUCKLEY

No. 1023 No. .0I' / 30I

Blue (heclcer Club

Prepares Play

Combs 10c each. W i t h teeth 15c. Skunk Hollow Drug Emporium

The Blue Checker Dramatic As-sociation, formerly known as Red Domino, held a meeting last Mon-day evening. Francis Shaves called the meeting to order and Mary Hack read the minutes in one minute flat.

A t the beginning of the meet-ing a l i t t l e idy l gossip floated around. Sug AUington announced that the O. P. A. had put h im on the l ist of rationed products and Toni Eyrich made her last appeal to the D r a f t Board saying that she was a g i r l . I t looks l ike she w i l l leave for Camp Dix soon after graduation. B i l l Paper is very t ired of being asked how his " sa l t " is, and being referred to as red hot.

A t that time "Doc" A i r y made an announcement of great impor-tance. He said that w i t h regret, he had to in form the Blue Chack-er members the spring play, "The Man Who Came to Diner," would have to be called off because of food rationing.

He announced that the play to be presented would be ' Arsenic and Old Lace" unless, of course, X arsenic is also added, to the ra -tion l ist .

The meeting was adjourned, and many of the members left won-dering i t arsenic wouldn't be a good substitute for stake. A t least you wouldn't be going hungry???

V , . . —

C O M I N G "The Man Who Came to

Dinner" or

" H e Brought His Ration Book"

Starr ing T H E L O C A L B U T C H E R

Gremlins Aid Girls Glemlins are usually about a

foot high, they wear pointed suede shoes, t ight g r e e n britches, red jackets w i t h a ruffle at the neck, and stocking caps, often w i t h a jaunty feath-er. They were f irst encoun-tered by R. A. F. pilots. Wheth-er they have wings or just flap their large ears for flying can't be definitely known for nobody has ever seen a gremlin.

More gremlins have been dis-covered at this high school. M r . Dye, mechanical drawing teach-er has reported that two girls are beating the male pupils. They are Barbara CafTrey and M a r i l y n Ski l lman.

According to Mr . Dye they're giving the boys a merry race. We K N O W the women can't do as well as men so i t must be "them gremlins" that are j i n x -ing the boys.

Port Washington 866 S. F. FALCONE R

F L O W E R S Delivered All Over the World

SOXJTH M A R Y L A N D A V E . Port Washington, N. Y .

THADYUS TIMKICK

No. .0045.6

Mr. Schmidz

In Snatch Case

Mr. Schmidz, teacher in the Skunk Hollow High School, was freed today w i t h apologies when he established an air t ight alibi in the purse snatcher case. I t was a case of mistaken indentity. Police explained that the arrest as a re-sult of hte description given them by Miss Oltess, Ennglush Teacher in the Skunk Hollow High School. Shortly after the attack. Miss O l -tess gave the police the following description of her assailant.

A young man w i t h an emaciated look, a roving "wolf ish" gleam in his eyes, a half starved expres-sion and a fugitive air about h im.

W i t h this description as their guide, the police immediately ar-rested Mr . Schmidz. His alibi , however, and the failure of Miss Oltess to definitely identify him as her assailant, freed M r . Schmidz from any suspicion. M r . Schmidz, 'realizing that the error was a na-t u r a l one since the description fitted h im so well , decided to con-sult a plastic surgeon to avoid f u -ture embarrassment.

FRATRY spelling

R-

R-Y -

-Flirt -Rio•^ous - And -Tempting - Robust - Youths

Definition—Fratry is t h e h o t - f o t t o f P. W . S. H . S.

Purpose—Good t i m e . Qualifications—Rum-dums.

Page Fire S K U N K H O L l . O W April Nar

SKUNK HOLLOW ALIENS g(ml\ scwttji Well-rounded secretarial

courses for high school graduates. Spe-cial Course for college women. Distin-guished Faculty, individuali ied Instruction. Effective Placement Service.

N e w Terms Begin Feb., July, Sept.

420 Lexington Ave., N e w York City 22 Prospect St., East Orange, N. J .

H F O R BULLETIN. ADDRESS DIRECTOR!

* THE BACON • P o r t W a s h i n g t o n ' s Bes t

T h e a t r e

Mon. - Sat . - Tues .

"THEY DIED WITH THEIR BOOTS ON"

a n d Se lec ted S h o r t s

Wed - 5 D a y s Only

M A R O N I C A L A K E

i n

•YOUR'E ALL WET"

SIDE BURNS B y S A L U T E - A - S T O R Y

B r a n c h R i c k e y of the Brook lyn Dodgers signed an agreement w i th Coach C a r l Zebra at the Por t Washington H igh School stadium. T h e B rook lyn " B u m s " also agreed to p lay Po r t H igh in a three game series to decide the Championship

of the suburbs of New Y o r k C i ty .

* * * J o h n n y L u n d e has r e t u r n e d t o

P o r t a n d has been g i v en t h e s t a r t -

i n g ass i gnment i n the B r o o k l y n

clashes. Judge L a n d i s gave some

signs o f h a v i n g the W o r l d Series

he ld i n the P o r t B o w l n e x t Sep-

t e m b e r f o r he sa id t h a t the spor t s

fans i n P o r t are v e r y en thus i a s t i c

a n d r o b i d .

Lost wee\ d u r i n g the luncheon

at Shore's Restaurant the Associ'

ated Press voted Port High the

the Hessinan Trophy for being

the outstanding has\etball outfit

of the country. Port was also in-

vited to represent the East in the

7i. C. A. A. basketball Cham-

pionship to be held in Kansas

City last week. Toledo University

will be our opponents. Doyle and

other Broadway betters are giv-

mg Port 21 to 2 to shellac\ the

Westerners.

* * * Some of Port ' s old athletes have

real ly been doing their part in this war . T h e y are smack ing at the axis on a l l fronts and are showing the enemy what k ind of people are raised in Po r t Washington. I t was rumored that old " S a s s " Poole drove the " P o r t Washington J e e p " through Kassen ine pass and through hal f of Rommel ' s A r m y unt i l he finally captured the Ge r -man Genera l single handed.

* * * Joe F o r g i o n e was r e p o r t e d sav-

i n g the b a t t l e s h i p H o m e t w h e n he

dove i n t o the ocean of f A u s t r a l i a

a n d s topped a d e p t h charge c om-

i n g t o w a r d s the sh ip .

Mr. Bunker Discusses Future President

D u r i n g a n a n n u a l " g a f h e r i n g o f

the n u t s " i n o u r p r i s on , o u r m o s t

esteemed p r i o r i t i e s teacher , M r .

B u r k e r gave a speech. H e spoke

on the f u t u r e "ange ls o f o u r

schoo l . " D u r i n g t h i s g a t h e r i n g he

b r o u g h t i n the b i r t h of the f u t u r e

Pres. o f t h e U n i t e d States , h is

son. U p o n say ing t h i s M r . B u n k e r

t u r n e d a b r i g h t p i n k . T h e i n m a t e s

app lauded w i t h g r e a t en thus i a sm,

b u t a l l M r . B u n k e r c ou l d do was

t o b l u s h b r i g h t e r . C h a n g i n g the

sub j ec t q u i c k l y , M r . B u n k e r con-

c luded t h a t the " a n g e l of the a i r "

was the c o m i n g t h i n g a n d t h a t

e ve ry ange l shou ld l o ok i n t o the

o r g a n i z a t i o n .

S k u n k Hol low D r u g E m p o r i u m T r y o u r p i n k p i l l s f o r pa le people

Skunk Hol low D r u g E m p o r i u m

CLASSIFIED EGGS

WANTED:

A young g i r l w i th the fo l lowing qualih-

cations to take care o f the masculine sex:

Figure like Lana Turner

H a i r like Rita H a y wor th

Skin like Greer ( jarson

Eyes like Hedy Lamar r

Lips like A n n Sheridan

Charm like Gene Tierney

Legs like Betty Grable

Apply af Port Weekly Office.

LOST IN CAFETERIA:

Invaluable lunch box containing a thermos o f

coffee w i th sugar added antl a steak sandwich

(wel l -buttered) . I f found, give to the th in

man in the Banum & Bailey Circus.

FOR SALE:

One who is suffering f rom the meat rat ioning might be

interested in this sale of frogs' legs and tonsils (brains

included) and dissected worms. F i rst come, first served,

at Miss Hal lock 's room.

FOUND:

i M A L E W I T H F O L L O W I N G C H A R A C T E R I S T I C S :

Physique like L o u Costello

H a i r like H a r p o M a r x

Eyes like Eddie Cantor

Charm like Boris K a r l o f

Strut like Charlie Chapin

Voice like M o r t Snerd

Nose like J im Durante

If Interested, Inquire at Port Weekly Office.