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D R . H E N R Y C L O U D
S M A L L G R OU P L E A D E R G U I D E
Contents
Welcome to Churches That Heal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
The Role of the Group Leader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
How to Use This Study . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Session Overview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
Session 1 : Grace + Truth + Time (part 1) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13
Session 2: Grace + Truth + Time (part 2) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
Session 3 : Relational Connection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19
Session 4 : Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22
Session 5 : Processing Pain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
Session 6 : Becoming an Adult . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
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Welcome to Churches That Heal
You are a leader. I’m so thankful for people like you who are creating safe spaces for those who are struggling. In this study, you and your group members will learn about the processes for healing God outlines in Scripture and begin to walk the path He has laid out.
Most of us have heard the phrase “the truth shall set you free.” And that is absolutely true! But, we often do not read the entire source of where that phrase comes from, and what it says in its totality. Jesus is the one who said it, and this is what He said:
“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”. (John 8:31, 32)
We all want the freedom that Jesus brings. But what we often do not realize is that He said to realize that freedom is going to take some work. It is going to be a process of living out His teachings, His ways, and the processes that He told us to “walk in.” The word “know” there is an experiential word, not just intellectual. We must engage in what He taught.
This program is a growth path through many of the processes that Jesus taught which bring healing to many of our deepest hurts, wounds, and inadequacies. He really did bring healing to the brokenhearted, the lost, the weak, and all of us who have gone our own way, or who have been hurt by others. But as the passage says, we will know that freedom as we engage in “holding” to those teachings... living them out. As He said in another place, if we only hear His teachings and do not put them into “practice,” it leads only to destruction. This study will help you see how so many of His teachings bring about healing in the emotional and relational areas of our lives.
The basis of this study is the truth that all our problems stem from living in a fallen world where two things happen: we are sinned against and wounded, and also, we have our own failures to contend with. Ultimately, that can be described as a failure to reflect the full “image of God.” But the great message of the New Testament is that as we grow up “into Him” and begin to reflect the image of who He is, we get healthier and healthier, and are healed more and more. This study will help guide you and your group members through that process and also call you to some rigorous self-examination through questions that at times will pierce your heart. My hope is that it will motivate you to make changes in your life and enable you to experience the healing God wants to give you.
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
We cannot control what has happened to us in the past, nor can we control the people in our lives now. But we can develop more and more control of ourselves today. We can work with God to make changes in our character and changes in how we relate to the important people in our life. The changes that we make will ultimately be changes that heal, because, through them, we will be redeemed from the damage done in the past and freed to grow our undeveloped parts into His image.
As you work through these tasks, remember that it is God who will work the changes in you and your group members and bring healing. And, since He chooses to administer that healing grace through His people (1 Peter 4:10; Eph. 4:16), it is critical that you do not travel this journey alone. Having a consistent, prayerful support group with whom you can honestly share yourself, with whom you can be vulnerable and real, who are also journeying in the healing process, and who are able to share what they are learning will greatly facilitate this healing process. In fact, the presence of such a community is implicit throughout the material.
In this guide, you will learn about your role as a group leader and how to facilitate the six sessions of the Churches That Heal small group study. Know that I’m praying for you and that through the sacrificial leadership of leaders such as yourself, the local church will become a beacon for healing in communities all around the world.
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
The Role of the Group Leader
The videos and the Participant Workbook will provide enough material for discussion. The role of the group leader is to facilitate discussion and connection amongst the group. During the discussion about each week’s session, you can ask open-ended questions such as these, or make up your own:
• What are your thoughts about the video?
• What stood out to you?
• What touched you?
• What did you like and dislike?
• How do you think you might use what you learned?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• How did it speak to different areas of life, such as work, family, marriage, friendship, goals, and
performance?
• How were you challenged?
• What did you learn about God? Yourself? Others?
• A group leader is there to help people to feel safe and to share their thoughts. Don’t worry
about having all the answers — your role is to create an atmosphere of safety and inclusion.
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
How to Use This Study
Before each group meeting:
• Watch the video corresponding to the upcoming session
• Complete the portion of the Participant Workbook for the upcoming session
• Reflect on the Conversation Starters — choose one or two that you feel would be a good fit
for your group or write your own
• Send a reminder to your group about details for your upcoming meeting (time, location, what
to do in advance, etc.)
During each group meeting:
• Open with prayer
• Lead off with the Conversation Starters found in the Session Overview pages to break the ice
and facilitate connection among the group
• Guide your group through a discussion of the pages in the Participant Workbook
corresponding with that week’s session
• Take prayer requests if desired and close in prayer
• Remind group members about which session to watch and complete in their Workbook prior
to the next group meeting
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
Session Overview
Week 1Introduction
An introduction to this healing journey with Dr. Cloud. (8:15)
Conversation Starters:
• What drew you to join this group?
• When is a time in your life previously that God brought about healing in your life?
• Is there a particular change you’d like to see happen in your life as a result of this study?
Week 2Session 1: Grace + Truth + Time (part 1)
Dr. Cloud unpacks the 3 key ingredients for growth: Grace + Truth + Time. You will discover how
applying these principles helps you grow in the image of God. (9:45)
Conversation Starters:
• When is a time you felt “stuck” in the past — either in a thought or behavior? How did you get
unstuck, or are you still stuck?
• How do you differentiate between “good endurance” and “bad endurance”?
Week 3Session 2: Grace + Truth + Time (part 2)
Dr. Cloud teaches how to break the cycle of “stuckness” so that we can begin to heal and grow
both spiritually and emotionally. (19:37)
Conversation Starters:
• Do you ever struggle to be patient when it comes to your personal growth? What does that
look like for you?
• Since starting the study, have you had any “ah-ha” moments about why you’ve struggled to
change in a particular area?
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
Week 4Session 3: Relational Connection
You will discover that God created us with a deep hunger for relationship – with Him and others
– and learn how to have healthy bonded relationships in your life. (27:58)
Conversation Starters:
• How have you seen relational connection contribute to growth, or the lack thereof inhibit
growth in your past?
• Where are you finding most of your relational connection these days? Where might God be
putting an opportunity for increased relational connection in your path?
Week 5Session 4: Boundaries
Dr. Cloud teaches about why setting boundaries is necessary for healthy relationships and
ultimately, finding health and healing. (38:04)
Conversation Starters:
• Are boundaries something you’ve learned about in the past? What has been your experience
with them?
• Why do you think boundaries are so essential for growth?
Week 6Session 5: Processing Pain
You will learn that in order to be emotionally and spiritually successful you must be able to deal
with issues of good and bad. (40:49)
Conversation Starters:
• Do you struggle with the idea that people are both good and bad? If so, why?
• Do you find it hard to love and accept yourself and/or others in spite of failures? What might
be a next step for you in the area of confession, repentance, and forgiveness?
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P L E A D E R G U I D E
Week 7Session 6: Becoming an Adult
As you work through this principle, you will learn how to exercise the gifts and responsibilities
God has given you. (41:10)
Conversation Starters:
• Which session in this study most resonated with you personally and why?
• What surprised you about this topic of Becoming an Adult?
Note: While there is not a Session 7, you may consider meeting one last time to celebrate the
progress of group members and to discuss the Conclusion section of the Workbook.
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Introduction
Before watching the opening session of Churches that Heal, take a few minutes of personal self-assessment and think about a few passages of Scripture .
1 . Do you have any issues, problems, or struggles that you would like to see God heal and change?
F Yes F No
List those areas in which you would like to see healing and change:
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2 . What do the following verses teach us about ourselves?
Romans 3:10–11, Romans 3:23, Romans 7:17–24
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3 . How are you feeling about your life right now?
F Excited F Hopeful F Frustrated F Discouraged F Struggling F Other ______________________
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4 . How would you describe the severity of the experiences and events in your life?
F A few near crashes F Some fender benders F Head-on collisionsF Other
Introduction VideoIf we open ourselves up to God, He will bring healing in our lives . Over the next few weeks, we are going to discover how to reflect the image of God in a way that brings healing and wholeness .
Notes from the video:
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1 . After watching the introductory video, how are you are feeling about your life?
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C H U R C H E S T H A T H E A L | S M A L L G R O U P S T U D Y
2 . What is your takeaway from the introductory video?
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Deeper Study: According to the following verses, how does God feel about you and your life experiences? John 3:17, Romans 8:1, Luke 19:10
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S E S S I O N 1
Grace + Truth + Time
Notes from the video – Grace + Truth + Time (Part 1):
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When grace, truth, and time come together, that’s where we find growth . Grace, truth, and time working together can develop the kind of endurance James talks about, “My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy: because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing .” James 1:2–4 (NIV)
Just as there is good and bad time, there is good and bad endurance . When we face struggles, are we growing or just enduring the pain? If we can be honest and extend grace to ourselves, time spent suffering will lead to growth and healing .
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1 . Read the parable of the stuck tree: Luke 13:6–9 . What is the problem? What are the
solutions?
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2 . As you think through Jesus’s parable in Luke 13:6–9, think of your own life as a vineyard .
What truth do you need to face and accept? What love and relationship do you need to receive in order to grow?
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3 . How do you respond to your own failure to live up to expectations (judgment, anger, shame,
guilt, fear, trying harder, depression, escapism)?
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4 . What does Scripture say about our failures? Read Romans 5:20 and Luke 13:6–7 .
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5 . Read 2 Corinthians 7:9–10 . What are the different types of responses that we can have to
Holy Spirit produced conviction?
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S E S S I O N 2
Grace + Truth + Time
Notes from the video – Grace + Truth + Time (Part 2):
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Our personal growth takes time and effort . It requires a balance of grace with ourselves, honesty with others, and patience with our growth . The fertilizer of grace, truth and time enriches the soil so that growth can begin again .
A reason why you may not be experiencing the changes you want in your life is because change requires all three ingredients: grace, truth, and time . We often apply only two of these three ingredients which either slows or completely stops the process of healing and change .
1 . According to the following verses, how do we break the cycle of “stuckness”?
Romans 7:24–25, Romans 5:20–21, Titus 2:11–12, and 1 John 4:18 .
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2 . How does the physical body heal itself? According to Ephesians 4:16 and James 5:16, how
does the body of Christ, the Christian family of God, heal itself?
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3 . Read Luke 13:8 . What are the three ingredients for growth? What is the formula for
change?
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4 . Read Luke 11:39–40 . Where must the change process begin?
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5 . How are you extending grace to yourself and to others?
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6 . How are you extending truth to yourself and others?
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7 . How are you using the process of time – good time (community) or bad time (isolation)?
Explain .
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8 . What does 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 tell us about how we all can engage in healing with those
around us?
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Spend additional time meditating on the truths you learned this week .
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S E S S I O N 3
Relational Connection
Notes from the video – Relational Connection:
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Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person . It’s the ability to relate to another on the deepest level . Bonding is a basic human need . God created us with a hunger for relationship – for relationship with Him and with others . We must learn to connect, bond, trust, and be vulnerable .
1 . What are some speed bumps that you have hit in life that have slowed you down?
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2 . What is your defense mechanism when you hit speed bumps and trials in life?
F Self-medicate F Act out F Strike back in anger F Denial and detach F Other ______________________
3 . What challenges do you experience in bonding with others?
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4 . Read 2 Corinthians 6:11–13 . What does it mean to “open wide” your heart?
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5 . How is your trust muscle when it comes to opening your heart wide?
F Atrophied F WeakF Torn F BuffF Other ______________________
6 . According to Psalm 22:9, where is the ability to trust and to connect formed?
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7 . Dr . Cloud talks about transformational moments . Describe a transformational moment of encouragement which has happened in your life through your relationship with another person .
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S E S S I O N 4
Boundaries
Notes from the video – Boundaries:
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If bonding is about connection and attachment, then boundaries are about separateness, autonomy, and freedom . Boundaries define us; they are like an invisible fence defining our physical and psychological space . Healthy boundaries will help us establish freedom, ownership, self-control, and responsibility .
1 . How are you at saying, “No”?
F Professional F Pretty bad F Getting better F Can’t say it F Other ______________________
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2 . What are some reasons that people give for not being able to say no?
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3 . Who do you identify most with in Luke 10:38–42? Why?
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4 . Do you struggle more with independence or dependence?
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5 . Read Mark 10:45. What is the difference between being a servant and being a
doormat?
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6 . In Exodus 18:13–18, what did Jethro teach Moses about setting boundaries?
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7 . Read Mark 1:35–38. What do we learn from Jesus about boundaries?
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8 . Read Matthew 18:15–17. What do we learn about boundaries when people behave badly?
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9 . Read Galatians 6:7–8 . What do we learn about responsibility and accountability from this
passage?
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10 . How does Proverbs 27:6 help us in being able to say “No” and set boundaries?
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11 . How can you set limits if you are being mistreated at work, in your marriage, in a friendship,
etc .?
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12 . Sometimes we cling to negative attachments because we think they’re better than no attachments at all . What negative attachments of “truth without grace” or “grace without truth” do you need to either change or avoid in order to grow?
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Spend additional time meditating on the truths you learned this week .
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S E S S I O N 5
Processing Pain
Notes from the video - Processing Pain:
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We are both good and bad. The same is true of the people around us. One of our tasks is to accept and love each other in spite of our failures and gently correct each other toward a goal of love . We do this through confession, repentance, and forgiveness .
1 . Which of these do you consider yourself to be more of?
F Idealist F Realist
2 . Which of these are you more likely to do?
F Deny the existence of bad F Deny the existence of good
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3 . What does John 16:33 teach us with regard to reality?
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4 . What are some areas of weakness in your life? Where have you failed? Where are you im-mature and emotionally underdeveloped? How do you feel about answering this question?
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5 . What did you learn about failure and forgiveness in your family of origin?
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6 . How do you respond when people don’t live up to your expectations?
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7 . Read Romans 2:4. How does God respond to you when you don’t live up to His
expectations?
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8 . Who are people in your life who you idealize? What are some of the dangers of idealizing
someone?
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9 . According to Romans 12:9, how are we to process both the good and bad in the world?
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10 . How does Ephesians 3:17–19 help you process the gap between the real and ideal with
yourself and with others?
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S E S S I O N 6
Becoming An Adult
Notes from the video – Becoming an Adult:
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Becoming an adult is assuming an authority position of life . We are all born as children under adult authority, but over time we are to become authorities over our own lives .
1 . What kind of authority system did you grow up under?
F High control F Low control F Out of control F Healthy balance F Other ______________________
2 . How do you relate to authority?
F Rebel F Shut down with fear F Doubt and suspicion F Respect and honor F Other ______________________
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3 . How does Colossians 3:23–24 help you relate to authority without feeling “one-down”?
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4 . Whose approval Are you more concerned with the approval of God or other people? Give evidence from your life to support your answer.
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5 . Of whom have you been afraid to disagree with in your life?
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6 . Not trying to please others is an important aspect of growing into adulthood . Read
1 Thessalonians 2:4 . What stage are you presently at in regard to the approval of others?
F Infant F Toddler F Teenager F Young Adult F Other ______________________
7 . Read Galatians 4:8–9. Who are you presently letting play the role of parent in your life?
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8 . Read Romans 5:3–5 . What role does struggle have in the process of maturing and becoming an adult?
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9 . When was the last time you disagreed with or expressed an opinion different than an au-
thority figure in your life? How did it go?
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10 . What talents have you buried in the ground? What plans will you make to develop your expertise and be a good steward of the gifts God has given you? What is the first step you will take and when will you take it?
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Conclusion
What have you discovered about your own struggle in each of the following areas? Take a moment and list two to three barriers you discovered and steps you have taken to overcome those barriers .
1 . Relational Connection
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Steps you have taken to overcome the barriers:
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2 . Boundaries
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Steps you have taken to overcome the barriers:
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3 . Processing Pain
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Steps you have taken to overcome the barriers:
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4 . Becoming an Adult
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Steps you have taken to overcome the barriers:
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In Churches That Heal we discovered:
1) We all struggle with four areas: relational connection, boundaries, processing pain, and becoming an adult.
2) There is no such thing as either an emotional problem or a spiritual problem . Because of our broken relationships with God, others, and ourselves, we develop symptoms that we feel on an emotional level and live out in our spiritual lives .
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3) Our symptoms are not the problem . Healing is superficial when we focus on thesymptoms rather than the problems .
4) The fruit of the four areas are: meaning, purpose, satisfaction, and fulfillment .
Meaning comes from love, which flows out of bonding . Purpose comes from direction and truth, which form boundaries . Satisfaction comes from having the less than perfect be “good enough” in light of God’s ideal, and fulfillment comes from the adult ability to exercise talents .
The model set forth in this study can help us become functioning human beings but that is not the final goal . We were made to love . A fully functioning person is one who takes their bonded, separate, forgiving, adult self into the world and denies that self for the sake of others . 1 Cor 13:13 tells us, “The greatest of these is love .”
As you finish this study, resolve to keep working on yourself so that you can enjoy the fruits of healthy relationships .
Spend additional time meditating on the truths you learned this week .
Notes:
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