Social Media & Divorce Mediation

Presented by:

Honey Bonjour

Laura Hansen

Ka’Juan Moore

Mediation?

• Mediation in general:

• intervention in a dispute in order to resolve it; arbitration.

• intervention in a process or relationship; intercession.

Mediation in Divorce

• Divorce Mediation is a method in which offers a divorcing couple ways to

• Maintain their dignity and mutual respect

• Cut their cost dramatically

• Protect their children from the pain of parental conflicts

• Allow both parents active roles in their in their children’s lives

• Divide property and provide for support in a manner that reflects their own, not judge’s, sense of fairness

• Maintain their privacy

How Mediation Started

• Mediation Started in the 1950s and focused on counseling

• In the 1970s and 80s the term “mediator” came about

Social Media

• Social Media: websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking.

Mediator Roles

• “Three general mediator roles: social network mediators, authoritative mediators, and independent mediators.

Social Network

• Social network mediators are usually respected members of the community who have existing relationships with the parties. While not neutral, they are perceived as being fair. Social network mediators are generally concerned with maintaining stable long-term social relations. Generally they remain involved with the parties after the negotiations, and will participate in implementing agreements. They are able to draw on social or peer pressure to enforce agreements.

Authoritative

• Authoritative mediators are individuals who are in some position of authority over the parties, such as a manager or director. There are a number of differences among authoritative mediators. They may be neutral as to the outcome, or may have vested interests in achieving a particular settlement. Such mediators are generally able to use their authority to enforce agreements. Independent mediators are best defined by their neutrality and impartiality. Generally they have no prior relationship to the parties, and are hired by the joint decision of the parties.

Independent

• Independent mediators seek to help the parties develop voluntary, mutually acceptable solutions. The independent mediator model is most commonly used in western countries, however it is increasingly being used by other cultures as well.”

Ethics Codes: Mediation

Parties/CoupleProcess: Remain neutralProfession: You’re a MEDIATOR, not a counselor or therapistOther profession: Keep within all professions but go by strictest set of codesPublic & Unrepresented parties: Children

Ethics Codes: Social Media

• Accuracy

• Honesty

• Independence

• Impartiality

• Accountability

• Respect

• Excellence

Key Principles

• Do No Harm in the Process

• Try to Do Good

• Be Fair & Promote Justice

• Client Self-Determination

• Fidelity to Promises

Responsibilities Reflect Common Values

• Non injury to parties

• Empowerment

• Confidentiality

• Disclosure- Dual Relationships

• Voluntariness, Non-Coercion

• Clarity of Expectations

• Neutrality or Impartiality

• Commitment to Fairness

• Good Faith Use of Process

Positive Effects For Parties

•   Outreach for support or advice

• Facilitate communication and support

• Share interests and start conversations… both humorous & serious

• Seeing others’ negative feedback or dramatic separations can offer encouragement to seek a more private, positive route to resolution… MEDIATION

Positive Effects for Mediators…

• Offers use of support forums, community boards, & options for communication when face-to-face is not possible

• Increases resources & connections for research or further information

• Conflict resolve or mediation sessions being handled online

Bias or Not That is the Question?

• Biases stem from values developed by connections to culture, identity, race, ethnicity, territory and religious beliefs.

What to do?

• Step #1: Identify your biases and body cues: A bias will often be activated when the extreme of its opposite value appears, resulting in a physical reaction.

Physical cues to identify when a bias comes out to play include:

• Restriction in breathing

• Muscle tensing or twitching

• Nerve tingling or a creepy crawly feeling within the skin

• Irritability

• A hot, cold or clammy sensation

• Nausea

• Increased heart rate.

And then….

• Step #2: Ways to respond to a bias, when identified: Take a break, deep breathe, and possibly share your experience with a co-mediator, if you have one.

• Consider asking the party to let you know if they have any sense of you not being impartial, due to your bias. This more radical approach may empower the parties and equalize the playing field, leaving no elephants in the room or secrets under the table, from a mediator.

Breaks

• Step #3. Ways to give yourself a break after a missed opportunity:

• Self reflect in writing, art or movement to see, feel and move the experience through your being. Create a strategy for self that shift/shapes a new perspective, when a bias emerges in future.

Last but not Least

• Step #4. Ways to acknowledge your accomplishments:

• Use any or all of the following, including your rendition of personal appreciation.

• Tell a friend who appreciates you

• Treat yourself to ice cream, a massage, a favorite walk with nature in the woods or by the sea, a long and luscious kiss with your sweetheart, a hot bath, a cold shower-even this can feel terrific-a special meal, and/or a great movie you have been planning to see, including whatever your bias may be for self indulgence.

Neutrality

• According to the divorce mediation handbook, neutrality is essential.

• A mediator cannot be a legal advisor for the parties involved.

• If a mediator has had prior dealings with either party, they must disclose it to the other party, therefore, then they can decide if they still want the mediator to go through this process or choose another mediator.

Ethical Dilemmas 1

•   The skills that the case demands go beyond the mediator's training (e.g. identifying the signs of abuse or violence, recognizing a party's inability to comprehend the discussion, etc.).

• The mediator's impartiality is challenged by prior relationships with the parties or his or her emotional reactions to the parties' behavior during mediation (sympathy, antipathy).

• Maintenance of confidentiality in cases of possible illegal actions of the parties or a potential unfair settlement, or where disclosure will convince the party to accept the proposal.

Ethical Dilemmas 2

• The lack of informal consent between the parties due to coercion, mental disturbance or lack of information;

• Tension between impartiality and the temptation to give solutions or direct the process toward more fair solutions;

• Tension between staying neutral and providing necessary professional legal or therapeutic advice;

Ethical Dilemmas 3

• The possibility of harming the parties if an agreement is not reached because of the information disclosed or emotionality that the process caused (or agreement itself does not solve the parties' problems);

• The use of mediation by the parties to gain information, win time, or intimidate the other party;

• Conflict between the mediator's self interests and what is the proper process for the parties (pressure from the court to finish the case fast, maintaining relationships with lawyers and other professional groups).

Facebook

• In a recent study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), it was revealed that 1 out of every 5 divorces cite Facebook as the cause for the break-up (United States).

New Social Face

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUOR2CdaXdw

Break Up Trends

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnUUSr-tT80

• A survey of divorce attorneys found 80% of them say they increasingly look for evidence on social media.

Twitter

• Tweeting your latest adventures or showing Facebook pics of the latest girl you hooked up with is great... unless you’re getting divorced. When you put something on Facebook or Twitter, it could ultimately be used against you in court. Something as innocent as hitting the town with some friends and posting photos during the divorce could hurt your case. You don’t have to deactivate your account, just play it smart and, when in doubt, don’t update your status.

Insta-What?

Video clips

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PWV7CRbGXQ Big Bang Theory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVJ-ZIOS6WE Melinda Eitzen

Comments?

Mediate.com News

• Over 20,000 cases related to family disputes have been settled in Bangalore with the help of a third party mediator over the last 7 years.

 1. Total no: of cases referred to mediation: 357842. Total no: of cases mediated: 279153. Total cases not mediated and returned: 58644. Total cases mediated and settled: 20534

More News…..

• Judge Orders Mediation in U.S Rep Sanford Divorce

• Reality TV- Vicki Zeigler Mediator mediates on a show called Untying the Knot

• Canada- Separating couples who choose mediation may now both be eligible for legal aid family lawyers as Legal Aid Ontario (LAO) expands its pilot province-wide. Starting July 3, when one of the mediation clients is financially eligible for a lawyer, the other mediation client may also be eligible, as long as they earn up to a maximum of $50,000.

Who has chose mediation?

• Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren

• Robin Williams

• Noah and Tracy Wyle (Noah is an actor on ER)

• Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie

References Laura

• http://www.pewinternet.org/2014/02/11/main-report-30/

• http://www.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2:662465/FULLTEXT01.pdf#page=90

References Ka’Juan

• dictionary.com

• “The Divorce Mediation Handbook”

• http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/moor7538.htm

• http://ethics.npr.org/tag/social-media/

References Honey

• http://www.mediate.com/

• http://boston.cbslocal.com/2012/05/10/more-marriages-being-ruined-by-social-media/

• http://www.socialnomics.net/2011/03/03/1-in-5-divorces-fueled-by-facebook/

• http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/bush.htm

• http://time.com/51634/study-claims-people-who-use-twitter-a-lot-may-be-more-likely-to-cheat-and-get-divorced/

• http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/divorce-mistakes-that-will-ruin-your-life

• http://www.mediate.com/articles/schofielda4.cfm

• http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/mediation-and-collaborative-divorce-good-for-celebrities-and-good-for-the-budget

• Divorce Mediation Handbook

The EndQuestions? Comments? Concerns? Opinions?