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TRUTH & REASON

Amina Abubakar

Bello

FIRST LADY OF

NIGER STATEAmina A

bubakar Bello

Amina Abubakar

Bello

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With October being the Breast cancer month, we usually try to feature at least one survivor for this month. But sometimes, we instead, feature a person, who is playing an active role in ways

to prevent or arrest this disease as early as possible. The First Lady of Niger state, HE Amina Abubakar Bello is one of such persons with her NGO. Many NGOs have been created to

achieve this goal. But no matter how many NGOs are created to fight this dreaded disease, no matter how much we learn about it and ways to prevent and fight it, it is still the most feared and dreaded disease ever. So much so that when the word is mentioned, it is often times, unfortunately, viewed as a death sentence to the receiver of such news! But thankfully, especially with such NGOs available, it is NOT always the case. That said though, nothing prepares you for the mental and emotional anguish even before the journey of the battle to fight it begins. I remember a late friend of mine once told me

that some victims lose the will to fight as soon as they get the news of their plight and this actually affects their survival rate. It actually shortens it because of their state of mind.

She said the mind plays a huge role with the outcome and I believe her to a certain extent because at some point, we cannot but accept Gods will. She herself was a one time survivor

until the cold hands of death snatched her away at the return of the disease. I have also been told that people go through various stages when faced with this debilitating illness. The Swiss psychiatrist

Elisabeth-Ross, was inspired by her work with terminally ill patients. She said denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance are the various stages patients go through. In between these phases, their bodies are ravaged physically and the only thing that keeps some of them going is their will to live to fight the disease even up till their very last breath.

What I believe strongly in, is the state of mind of the patients. What they do with the time they have left and how they handle it. Aside from their unbearable pain, there is a silent resilience in them. Some dig deep into their spirituality and are better prepared to deal with their illness. They share special moments with their loved ones and are able to find inner peace which defies their circumstance. Nothing prepares their loved ones for this harrowing journey but somehow, they learn to cherish what time God has given them with their loved ones till they leave to rest in His bosom. But, not all stories end on a sad note. Some people have survived and beaten the disease. They have stared death in the face and overcome it, to Gods glory. The good thing, if one can use such a word loosely in this situation, is that if detected early, Cancer can be cured. And it is for this reason we have to give accolades to those who have made it their calling to make such detections available to those who otherwise cannot afford such expenses. They have made it their lifes mission to continue to raise awareness and funds to ensure women in their environment do not miss this opportunity. This gives a small ray of hope to every woman out there that all is not lost as long as you are vigilant with your body. That, at least, is a step in the right direction. The rest, we leave in the hands of God Almighty.

Content

Dr Amina L. Abubakar Bello is the first Lady of Niger State. She is an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist from the Ahmadu Bello University. Born into the family of Gen. A. Abdulsalami Abubakar (rtd) and Honorable Justice Fati L. Abubakar, she is the founder of Raise Foundation, a Non-governmental Organisation. FUNKE BABS-KUFEJI had a chat with this extraordinary woman on her goals for the women of Niger state.

Plus size Fashion TiPsPg 10

ToP TiPs:TRaVel FoR The JeTseT ManPg 18

heR PoinT oF ViewThe single MuM sTigMa!Pg 19

DeMysTiFying VVF (obsTeTRic FisTula)Pg 20

how To Pull oFF ReD liPs!Pg 22

Fashion Director/executive eDitorRUTH OSIME

eDitor Print: OLUFUNKE BABS-KUFEJI

eDitor Digital: KONyE NWABOGOR

style corresPonDent MOJISOLA ALLEN

style corresPonDent AyODEJI ROTINWA

style corresPonDent SAFINA MOHAMMED

graPhics/ProDuction heaD ALExANDER OvIAzEE

graPhics/ProD. ADEGBOyE OLUWASEyI

contributorsEDIRIN OKUMAGBA

RUKy SALAKOyEMISI DADA SERIKI

JULIET ALU

PhotograPhersTy BELLO

REzE BONNAyETUNDE AyENI-BABAEKO

Director, Print ProDuction. CHUKS ONWUDINJO

thisday style08111847085

08111847086

08111847087

08116759745

08116706878

08052552552

08111813064

Fashion Director/executive eDitor

FashionSocietysTylish, cuRVy, soPhisTicaTeD- The new PhanToM 6 Duo

Tee a aT 20

yaRDsale DesigneR eDiTPg 4 & 5

The gRanDeuR collecTion

Vlisco nigeRia celebRaTes 170 yeaRs

TiMeouT beRThsPg 6 & 7

WEST AFRICAS 1ST

INTERNATIONAL ART FAIR5th 6th November, 2016The Civic Centre, Victoria Island

REGISTER TO ATTEND AT WWW.ARTXLAGOS.COM

Follow us on Social Media @artxlagos

WITH LIVE ART AND MUSIC!Featuring Africas fastest-rising artists.

OVER 60 ARTISTS INSTALLATIONSCOUNTRIES

WEST AFRICAS 1ST

INTERNATIONAL ART FAIR5th 6th November, 2016The Civic Centre, Victoria Island

REGISTER TO ATTEND AT WWW.ARTXLAGOS.COM

Follow us on Social Media @artxlagos

WITH LIVE ART AND MUSIC!Featuring Africas fastest-rising artists.

OVER 60 ARTISTS INSTALLATIONSCOUNTRIES

Tecno, Africas number one mobile brand which presently controls 25.3% of the entire mobile market share across six leading African markets Kenya, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Egypt, Ghana and Cameroon and is present in over thirty five countries in the continent recently unveiled its grand flagship for 2016 at the ballroom of Armani Hotels, Burj Khalifa tower, Dubai, United Arab Emirates. The top-tier event attracted over eighty media companies internationally, including Nigerian celebrities and top-level executives of Tecno partner companies.

The biggest shopping experience in Lagos, The YardSale recently took place at fashion

retail store Zazaii, and it was well attended by individuals happy to get their hands on the deals

of the century. The edition, tagged the Designer Edit was aimed at getting Lagosians ready for the Lagos Fashion & Design Week with pieces from over 26 renowned Nigerian designers at amazingly affordable prices (N2,000 15,000). Some of the designer pieces included Tan by Tiffany Amber, Moofa, Gozel Green, Chidinma Obiairi, Isi Atagamen, Iro Lagos, Ejiro Amos Tafiri, Wanni Fuga, Kareema Mak, Fia, Ada by Alter Ego, Xtamaily and so much more. It was an amazing event as happy shoppers filled the room embracing made-in-Nigeria pieces while sipping on amazing cocktails from Cointreau.

StyliSh, Curvy, SophiStiCated- the New phaNtom 6 duo

yardSale deSiGNer edit

6 7

By E d i r i n O k u m ag B a

Nigerias finest comedians gathered at the Intercontinental Lagos to celebrate, one of their own, Tee As 20th year in comedy. Babatunde Adewale or Tee-A as he is popularly called started comedy in 1996 and has since grown to become a household name. The event which was well attended saw guests treated to the very best of food, comedy and music from the likes of Teju Babyface, MC Abbey, Omini Headmaster, Wande Coal and Dbanj to name a few. Guests witnessed a thrilling end to the great show as Dbanj and Wande Coal reunited, taking the stage to perform some of their hit songs from their Mohits days. It was indeed a night of comedy and great entertainment.

tee a at 20B y F u n k E B a B S - k u F E J i

Funke BaBs-kuFeji

OLaMiDe saMsOn

TaiWO OniRu akinTOkun

Tee a & WiFe, kennY

aniTa aDeTOYeTOke MakinWa

Teju BaBYFace

kunLe BakaRe & azuh aRinze

Mc aBBeYhakeeM OgunniRanYaW MaRY akpOBOMe

TRicia

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ngOzi OkOLiTOsinWanDOO hassan

chiOMa aFe

Liz OshOeDiRi OkuMagBa

BOLa BaLOgungBeMi kuFeji

MOji aLLen

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kOnYe nWaBOgOR

TOp ManageMenT execuTives OF TecnO MOBiLe anD TheiR gLOBaL paRTneRs unveiL The phanTOM 6 & pLus aT The FLagships Launch aT The BuRj khaLiFa in DuBai RecenTLY

chiDi OkOnkWO, MeRcY aigBe & aDaMs aDeBOLa

DBanj & WanDe cOaL peRFORMing On sTage

sTephen ha

aRiF chOWDhuRY

aTTai Oguche

By m O J i a L L E n

On Nigerias Independence Day- October 1st at the prestigious Oriental Hole Victoria Island, Lagos, fast rising Nigerian fashion designer Vick Njoku whose brand goes by the name Vicky Heldan showcased her latest collection titled The Grandeur Collection at the Green October Event organized by La Mode Magazine. The collection also combines a few stand out colours that totally interprets the life of a woman. Grey expresses how a womans mind works when it has to deal with emotions. Gold expresses the woman as one with value and elegance. Red expresses a womans zeal to love, and White expresses the strength of a woman in all situations and how she finds a sense of peace and comfort.

Timeout: an event geared to inspire women within the ages of 25- 65 to pray, build their confidence, chase dreams , invest in themselves and lot more recently had its first inspiration session at the Sothern Sun Hotel in Ikoyi. Organized by Mrs Tokunbo GiwaAmu the CEO, Soaring Eagles Lifting Hands, the event had women speakers from different works of life like Betty Irabor, Ajibola Ponnle and more speak to all those who attended about the importance of chasing their dreams, believing in it, doing their own thing and being a positive addition to the society, while gaining self fulfillment as women. The event was well attended by women of diverse cultures and ages who were truly inspired by the message of the event.

The Grandeur ColleCTion TiMeouT BerThS

6 7

By Ko n y e C h e l s e a n wa B o g o r

B y F U n K e B a B s - K U F e J I

Premium African fabric maker, Vlisco, is celebrating its 170 Years of churning out beautiful print textile with a series of high octane events thats guaranteed to be filled with pomp and pageantry. To set the ball rolling, the fashion brand celebrated with customers in the Federal Capital Territory, by showcasing its new collection with a fashion show held recently at the Sheraton Hotel. On hand to display, were three of Abujas biggest fashion designers, namely, Vanquish De Panache Couture, Vintage Colette and Hiijia Clothiers.There were totable guest and dignitaries in attendance

among many other influential personalities. Here is bringing the event to you in pictures.

VliSCo niGeria CeleBraTeS 170 YearS

B y F U n K e B a B s - K U F e J I

vicky njoku

laurie idahosa

jennifer

ify chukwuraheric arubayi

daniel njoku

belinda effah tomi fadina nonso arubayi

mo

del

fo

r v

icky

hel

da

n

sandra odigie

betty irabor

adebisi adekunle, toyin saraki & adaeze alionu

julian opaluwachika nya - etokmaureen okogwuay and guests

salma halilu & saadathu isa

dino melaye

pan

ach

e co

utu

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hij

ja

adeola idowurose omonubihenryetha ibehabisola muri-okunolayetunde bankole benard

gloria omorode & tayo adeoye

bolatito

jibola ponnleomome oloyede

ope tejuoso

precious obioyen sophy

jennifer alegieuno layole oyatogun

8

Plus Size Fashion TipsLife is hard enough, but finding the right clothes dosent have to be. We all struggle with finding the

right style and clothes for our bodies but looking good doesnt matter what size you are as long as you have mastered what you look and feel good in then youre halfway through the journey. Fashion tends to have many rules especially for curvy girls but we are here to say, forget the rules and just go with

what works for your body and to help you. Weve rounded up a few styling tips.

One of the most important style tips for plus size women is to

know your body shape. If youre a rectangular shape, you may want to create shape with your clothes.

If you have an hourglass figure, then you want to show this off.

Pear shapes might want to stick to separates and choose clothes that

balance out their silhouette.

Have you got a favourite part of your body that you want to

show off? It may be your toned legs, killer curves, or dcolletage.

Pinpoint exactly what it is that youre proud of and want to

emphasise.

Just because somethings on-trend doesnt mean

that it will always be flattering. Some people

may be able to pull off the latest trends while others may be better off sticking

to more classic styles.

Colour not only cheers you up, but it has the ability to draw attention to certain

areas. This style tip for plus size women is about making

the most of colour by wearing it on the areas that

you want to emphasise.

If you feel like youre in a rut with your style choices, try a new

hairstyle or a make over. Itll renew your confidence and have you

feeling like a whole new person.

Embrace Colour

Flaunt it

Constantly Revamp Your Style

Know Your Body Shape

Dont Follow Trends

latasha ngwube

taje prest

peace hyde

ekwi

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016S T Y L E & d E S i g n

by konye chelsea nwabogor

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

C O V E R

14

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

AbubAkAr AminA

bello

COVE

R Ph

OtO

By

Chin

on

so o

koye

AbubAkAr AminA

bello

C O V E RTHISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

Married to governor of Niger state Alhaji Abubakar Sani Bello, Dr Amina L. Abubakar Bello is the first Lady of Niger State. She is an Obstetrician and Gynaecologist from the Ahmadu Bello University; a profession

she chose because of her constant yearning to assist humanity. A member of Nigerian Medical Association (NMA), Aminas research in medicine has contributed tremendously to the aspects of maternal mortality and reproductive health. She has also done research work on unsafe abortion, family planning and more.

Born into the family of Gen. A. Abdulsalami Abubakar (rtd) and Honorable Justice Fati L. Abubakar, this essential woman is the founder of Raise Foundation, a Non-governmental Organisation which is focused on the reduction of Maternal, Neo-natal and Child death. It employs integrated approaches that are cen-tred on reproductive rights, healthcare, education and empowerment of women and girls and also inte-grates creating awareness from breast and cervical cancer. Funke Babs-Kufeji had a chat with this ex-

traordinary woman who told her all about the fight against breast cancer and more.

What was growing up like with parents who had prominent roles in nigerian government?

Growing up, my siblings and I had a very normal and happy childhood. At that time my parents position really did not have any influence on us. My father was an army officer who rose through the ranks until he became a General and my mum was a Lawyer who also rose to become a high court judge and eventually the Chief Justice of Niger state. For us, they were just our parents who raised us with firm hands. Who they were or their professions had no bearing on how we grew up. When my father became Head of State, I was already married. What happened with that however was that we lost our privacy. But we all found ways to adjust to it.

Who played a prominent role in making you the woman you are today?

Both my parents played significant roles in my life in different ways. I see my mother in myself in the way I raise my own children and conduct myself in my professional life. I see my fathers influence in the way I interact with people. A combination of these has made me the person I am today.

A Gynecologist and obstetrician by profession, how did you get involved in the fight against breast cancer?

As a gynecologist, my field deals in reproductive health. The prevention of cancers is one of the components of reproductive health and falls within my forte. Additionally, I have seen the lack of awareness of the disease as well as the misconceptions surrounding cancer in our environment. This has led to so many of our women presenting at late stages where hardly anything can be done for them. It therefore became necessary for me to take it up as one of our areas of focus for the foundation.

Do you just create awareness for it or are you actively involved in treating women who have the deadly disease?

My foundation is involved in creating awareness about cancer and the importance of early detection especially with regard to breast and cervical cancer. We also offer screening services aimed at early detection of the two cancers. Although we are not actively involved in the treatment, we raise funds for people with cancer and help in referring women to the hospitals that can offer them appropriate treatment.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women worldwide with millions of cases diagnosed every year. Africa has one of the lowest survivor incidences in the world, what is being done about it in nigeria and in your state, niger state?

The low incidence of survival in Nigeria, is as a result of the late presentation of most patients. Treatment at early stages of the disease is associated with a high cure rate. The focus is therefore is on prevention and early detection of the disease. I know that the Federal Ministry of Health currently has a plan on reviving the cancer treatment centres that we have in the country, which I am hoping will start working soon. In Niger state, RAiSE foundation is collaborating with the State Ministry of

15

Health on cancer awareness and early detection in the state. We are also hoping that the State will come up with a comprehensive cancer control programme that will be implemented state wide which will not only ensure that cases are detected early and given the appropriate treatment, but will also focus on prevention of the cancers as a whole.

What will you say is the most accurate diagnostic protocol for early detection of breast cancer?

For any cancer, the most accurate diagnosis is obtained when a sample of the tissue or organ affected is taken and a histology is provided. This is a special test done to look at cells under a microscope which can show whether a tissue sample is cancerous or not. However, for breast cancer, a test called a mammogram, which is a kind of x-ray picture of the breast tissue, is the one diagnostic tool that has been found to be effective in detecting cancer of breast at an early stage. It is recommended that women over the age of 40 years should have this test done regularly in order to detect early disease. In terms of protocol, screening with regular mammograms, is an effective way for early detection of breast cancer.

so far in you race to fight breast cancer, what have you been able to achieve in niger state?

The RAiSE foundation cancer-screening centre was unveiled in Minna, the State capital in September of this year. This is the first of its kind in Niger state offering screening services for both breast and cervical cancer. The centre has a mammogram as well as an ultrasound machine that are being used to screen women for the disease. We have commenced screening and it is our hope that we will create mini screening centres in primary health care clinics in the local government areas across the three senatorial zones of the State so as to increase access for rural women. Prior to the unveiling of the centre, we had conducted screening services for both cervical and breast cancer

in some local government areas in the state.

What are the symptoms you advice women to look for to detect breast cancer?

I would advise women to know how their breasts look and feel first. This will enable them detect quickly if an abnormality occurs. This can be achieved by doing a self-breast examination and this should be performed monthly as much as possible. All women should learn how to do self-examination. Symptoms that indicate an abnormality may include but are not limited to, swellings or lumps on the breast, nipple discharge which can be bloody or look like pus, ulceration of the skin of the breast, retraction of the nipples and breast pain.

how can women prevent the development of the deadly disease?

Prevention is one of the best strategies for cancer control. Having healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables, maintaining a healthy weight and regular exercise can help prevent cancer. Also the elimination of tobacco smoking and reduction in alcohol intake or its elimination entirely can also significantly prevent the development of cancer.

your nGo Raise Foundation also focuses on the reduction of maternal, neo-natal and child death

Prevention is one of the best strategies for cancer

control. Having healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables,

maintaining a healthy weight and regular exercise

can help prevent cancer.

amongst other things, how do you prioritise on which aspect of your nGo needs more of your attention?

The approach the foundation has taken to provide our interventions is such that the various activities we undertake overlap each other. For example, the interventions for the reduction of maternal and child deaths includes awareness campaigns in addition to the provision of life saving kits and drugs for mothers and babies. When we go to communities for these campaigns, we give talks on cancer as well as maternal and child health. In the same way, the primary health care centres that will be the mini screening centres are the same centres where our maternal and child health interventions will be provided. We also provide interventions for women empowerment and girl-child education, each is given its own priority.

some time ago you announced that you would offer free services at the gynecology clinic of the Minna General hospital. so far, how many patients have benefitted from this initiative?

I really cannot say how many patients have benefitted because I wasnt taking count. But I have been able to perform operations on quite a number of patients since I began the service. I have not been able to spend as much time as I would have liked in the hospital because of my other responsibilities, but I try as much as possible to work at least two days of the week.

how did your collaboration with Faith Fookes ngo, Bridgewise come to play?

Mrs Fookes and I connected through a programme that we were both invited to in November 2015. Bridgewise is mainly focused on the prevention and the eradication of obstetric fistula. This is a very distressing and dehumanizing condition that occurs when women sustain an injury to their bladder during the delivery process and occurs when labor is obstructed. These women end up leaking urine through their private parts and this can only be corrected surgically. Most women who have the condition are very poor and unable to afford the treatment they need. At the time we met, I was conducting a surgical camp for fistula patients in Niger state in collaboration with another foundation called Sani Bello Foundation. We got together and realized we had the same vision and decided to work together to create an effective fistula prevention programme through our NGOs

What works you have done together in this collaboration and how do you intend to proceed forward in future?

We have just completed our first camp for our collaboration. We conducted a fistula camp in Bida, Niger state where we pooled over 40 patients with fistula from different parts of the state and had 2 fistula surgeons from Katsina and Kano who came and operated on the women. We intend to conduct these camps at least three times in a year but we are currently working in collaboration with the State Ministry of Health on starting a fistula centre in Niger state where patients can come from anywhere in the country as long as they have fistula, and receive the treatment they need for free. We aim to create a fistula prevention programme that also encompasses rehabilitation and social integration of the patients. In Nigeria, there is currently a backlog of patients numbering up to 12,000 women who are awaiting repair in addition to the new cases that are occurring every day. There is an urgent need to treat these women and prevent more cases.

you must be a super woman with a demanding task such as being the first lady of niger state, running an nGo, being a doctor, a mother and wife, how do you balance all the aspects of your life so none is neglected?

I got married when I was in my third year of medical

Yes there is. In fact, the NGO was founded on a principle of sustainability. The foundation is completely independent of Government and funded solely by some business ventures and donations from philanthropists, donor organizations and the likes. This is aimed at ensuring that the foundations work will continue irrespective of whether my husband is in office or not. Our hope is that we go from strength to strength making a difference to the lives of Nigerians.

Apart from improving the medical welfare and education of women in niger state, are there any other areas you will like to touch while you are First Lady?

I think I have my hands full as it is. But I am happy to support anything that will bring development to my State. Although we have been talking about women, our programmes will also extend to men and boys and one of the things I would really like to see happen is that our teeming youth become gainfully employed. I hope through our empowerment programmes, we are able to achieve this.

Any last words on breast cancer for our readers?Breast cancer is real. Living a healthy life style can

prevent breast cancer, but the best chance of survival is early detection. Please get involved in raising awareness for the disease and get yourself checked regularly.

C O V E R THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

However, finding the balance is possible when you prioritize the different aspects of your life and manage your time well. For

me my family comes first, so I manage my schedule around my familys needs and so far, so good I have been able to manage well.

school and had my first child when I was in my fourth year. So I have had a lot of practice on juggling and multi -tasking! However, finding the balance is possible when you prioritize the different aspects of your life and manage your time well. For me my family comes first, so I manage my schedule around my familys needs and so far, so good I have been able to manage well.

is there a continuity plan for your nGo for when your husband the Governor leaves office in niger state?

Polo_292x395_ShopOpening_01_16.indd 1 26.01.16 09:22

S T Y L E & d E S i g n

TOP TIPS:

Most fashion advice you will read about travel style tells you how to look when abroad, how to fit in, how to dress in the styles

of the city youre visiting. Not many will tell you how to dress for the actual journey. Travel can sort of be like work, and often

times it is not pleasant. The aisle is most definitely NOT your runway. I mean of course if youre travelling first class, things are bit smoother, but whether class youre in; you are sitting, sleeping or stretching in a chair for five hours or more. Fellas,

heres how to travel not only in style but in comfort.

TRAVEL FOR THEJETSET MAN

WARMTH

IMMIgRATIOn CleARAnCe

ReAdy SHOeS

When youre that close to heaven, so far up in the sky, it is awfully cold. Most plane blankets are only so thick and can only do half of the job. Rock a sweatshirt. Its not too thin, its not too thick either, and can give you the extra layer of warmth you need to make sure your insides dont freeze before you start your descent to your destination. There are many options that would keep you warm and score style points at the same time.

I am not sure why men do this to them-selves: wear shoes that have a thou-

sand and one laces, that are impossible to untie and a pain to put back on. If

youre an older gentleman, I would suggest super comfortable velvet slip

ons or loafers for when you travel. If youre a younger lad, kicks, trainers

would do the trick: and not the kind you have to untie significantly to take off. Both would still work with sweat-

shirts.

This is hardly the time to wear suit trousers. even if youre popping into a meeting straight from the airport, do not do this. Sweatpants or jeans, this is what you need. They are comfortable and they do not necessarily take in the temperature around them like other articles. Sweatpants cho-sen should be made out of jersey-cotton fabric mix or preferably just jersey.

OFF dUTy TROUSeRS THAT dO nOT BReATHe

BY AYODEJI ROTINWA

SUNSPEL

MAISON KITSUNE

THOM BROWNE

OFFICINE CREATIVE

GUCCI

VALENTINO

NIKE WOVEN

GIVENCHY

THOM BROWNE

Alexander McQueen

LORO PIANA

NEIL BARRETT

A few days ago I was on the phone with a friend and he asked after another friend, and I said Oh shes doing great, she even just had a baby and guess what, to my greatest surprise, he flipped, because my friend wasnt married. He went on and on about how irresponsible she was, how reck-less of her, she will end up raising a rascal and the child will be good for nothing because she is not married, therefore a single mum.

This simple action/conversation got me worried, thinking and a bit curious.

Do women decide to be single mums? Is it not better to be a single mum than a dead wife or unhappy woman? Does any woman become a single mum by choice?

Is it fun being a single mum? Do women consciously put themselves in this situation? Is it even a situation?

A lady said God forbid when I asked her if she could be a single mum, does it therefore mean being a single mum is bad?

I decided to ask a few people, married women/men, single ladies and guys and I realized that majority of Nigerians detest the single mum. Why is this so if I may ask?

I cannot categorically say being a single mum is easy or difficult, because I have never been one, but my common sense tells me it is not an easy task, judging from what I see

from a few living friends and family.

For me, I think no woman grows up naturally preparing to be a single mum. When you watch kids carton, you dont see single parents, theres always a step-mum or dad, theres al-ways love at the end, which means no child grows up wanting to be alone. Experience, circumstances and life happens as we grow.

It is absolutely wrong for you to as-sume every single mum is not decent or fit to be a role model. What if she was once married, what if she got dumped, and what if she escaped an abusive relationship or things just did not work out as planned? What if she lost her spouse to the cold hands of death?

How about the many mar-ried single mums out

there whose hus-bands are always absent metally and physically, not to mention emo-tionally in their lives? Oh, maybe thats why a lot of women stay in a marriage no mat-ter how terrible it is, right? it is all making sense to me now. You dont want the single mum stigma, so you stay and take all the crap till you end up in the grave and your kids question you forever. In Nige-ria today and all over the world if I must add, major-ity of women are married but living as single mums, (topic for another time). Should this continue for fear of being stigmatized?

Being a single

The Single MuM STigMa!

WITH RuKY SalaKO

Her Point of View

For comments, questions, issues or if you have anything you would like us to talk about, reach me on ruky.salako@thisdaylive.com or Text +2347055555888

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

mum is not an ideal situation, and when you see someone in that position, find out what happened before you judge, trust me theres always a story. And if you are not interested, go your way, do not make life worse than it is already...wait, who told you single mums are even unhappy?

It is extremely difficult to train a child as parents, let alone training a child as a single mum. Which means you play the role of both parents. Why is it that nobody ever blames the men who put these women in such situ-ations? What makes them free of stigmatiza-tion? Did I hear you say its a mans world or why did the woman allow it? If the men of this generation become more responsible and sufficient, I guess we will have less single mums, which is fast becoming a trend. (My 2-cent)

Come to think of it, there are a lot of people raised by both parents and they still turn out to be total waste of space, so I say, it is not much about how many people raised you, but how you where raised by the people or person who raised you.

We should let these women be already, the world is difficult as it is. Stop the stigma-tizing!

L i f e S T Y L e

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016

Demystifying VVf (Obstetric Fistula)

it was a cold geneva winter morning as i walked briskly to my gynaecologists office. today i would get his diagnosis after several weeks of tests and examinations and agree a treatment regime. my plan and prayer? god please just bless us with a set of twins.

i was 38, married for 2 years, and had been trying for a baby unsuccessfully after a late miscarriage the previous year. the appointment was short. mrs. fookes, my doctor said, i am sorry we are wasting our time and your money. you cannot have children due to unexplained infertility. i remember his expression like it was yesterday. that of the sage who had all the control. He had spoken and was gathering his papers, a cue for me to gather myself in turn together with the shards of my shattered hope and leave.

i stared at him with a smile on my face, holding his gaze and said: Doctor, you may be a great gynaecologist but you are not god. i do not accept your diagnosis. i will seek other opinions. He looked at me, incredulous. i stood up, shook his hand, turned and walked away, my head held high. today, at 50, i am the proud and happy mother of naomi mimi Oghenetejiri, which in Urhobo means god is worthy of praise and isnt He just!

i got pregnant naturally after 2 failed iVf cycles. i made a point of sending the doctor a picture of me at 5 months pregnant-my round tummy in full view. Did i hear you say gbam? i had naomi at 41. she was born premature at 32 weeks as i suffered pre-eclampsia. We are both here today because i had access to the best possible care in geneva.

We came out on the right side of our challenge. naomi is thriving and its such a privilege to be her mummy. the joy that she brings me is what i wish all who are still on this journey. i want you to know that i feel you, that i see you and that i pray for you.

i have shared my story because i believe we have to break the silence of our health challenges as women and come together as a people and as a nation to find ways to solve them. in sharing, we can learn from one another, defeat shame and stigma, stand as one and lend a sisterly hand of comfort.

i also share my story as background because my experience inspired me to convert that challenge into

an opportunity, supporting women with obstetric fistula and babies who are born too soon. i like to say fistula chose me but that is a story for another day as is my work on neonatal health.

i did not suffer a fistula but have studied the condition in depth, spent enough time with patients and observed a fair amount of surgical repairs to speak of it with some authority.

An obstetric fistula occurs due to obstructed labour when the tissues that normally separate a womans vagina from her bladder or rectum are destroyed by prolonged pressure from the foetal head trapped in the birth canal. this results in the development of a hole (fistula) due to the lack of blood flow to these areas leaving a woman incontinent, continuously leaking urine or faeces, or both. it is the most serious and devastating of childbirth injuries. A fistula patient almost invariably has a stillborn child, smells, is often rejected by her husband, sometimes by her family and sits in her bodily wastes, day in day out.

i jointly ran 2 simultaneous fistula repair surgery camps for 92 patients in september. One in partnership with

the University College Hospital, ibadan, led by Professor Oladosu Ojengbede and Dr. Doyin Bello; the other in Bida partnering with Dr. Amina Abubakar Bello, Ob.gyn, Chairperson of Raise foundation & wife of the governor of niger state, led by Dr.s Kabiru Abubakar and sadiya nasir. i thank all my friends who contributed to paying for the surgeries and to giving these women hope.

Quick facts: 15% of our patients were teenagers. The youngest

14. some patients had lived with fistula for 10 to 25 years. Nigeria fistula guesstimate-400,000-800,000. Heads

global fistula league table of estimated 2 million women. Correct generic appellation-Obstetric Fistula. VVF

(Vesico Vaginal fistula) is one type- hole leading to bladder with urinal incontinence. RVf (Recto Vaginal fistula), another, -hole leading to rectum causing fecal incontinence.

To prevent a fistula, the sun must not set twice on a woman in labour. Over 75% of women with fistula have endured labour lasting more than 3 days.

Fistula more prevalent in the north but occurs countrywide wherever women give birth without access to medical help. some patients in ibadan gave birth at native doctors.

Globally, 25% of fistula patients are child brides. In North Western Nigeria, 76% (UNICEF).

Fistula is 100% preventable and mostly treatable. for every woman who receives treatment, at least 50 go without.

3 National Fistula Centres in Bauchi, Ebonyi and Katsina states.

Global average cost of Fistula surgery and care - UsD$400.

to eradicate fistula our government must commit to:

A focussed, implementable and coordinated national fistula eradication plan with measurable results.

A fistula census. What we can measure we can manage.

A fistula awareness-raising programme to educate our populace and to encourage women with fistula to seek help.

Training fistula surgeons to tackle the high burden. Run a national fistula prevention programme to

ensure the condition does not occur in the first place. Ensuring all states implement 18 years as minimum

age for marriage and enforce it. Providing access to free emergency obstetric care

and caesareans to women prone to obstructed labour. Providing more support for the 3 National Fistula

Centers and developing capacity in each state. A rehabilitation and social reintegration programme

for these women.i live in constant hope that the plight of these

voiceless women will be made a national priority. i will advocate for this ceaselessly. some have told me i am wasting my time. i disagree.

As my editor said in discussing this column, faith, if in swimming against the tide you can hold two people and bring them to shoreyou must. i agree.

stand up. step up. speak up. Act. More next month. FF.

L i f e S T Y L e

Dr. Doyin Bello training meDical stuDents & Faith During Fistula surgery, uch iBaDan

Faith with a Fistula patient

Faith is a lawyer & business development strategist focused on building high-performing partnerships across sectors. she founded Bridgewise, a ngo following her own experience with pregnancy related problems. she advocates and implements programmes for Fistula eradication, neonatal health and womens rights. www.bridgewise.org.

By Faith Fookes

S T Y L E & d E S i g n

HOW TO PULL OFF RED LIPS!The key to being classic is having the ability to appeal to the masses. Red lipstick has managed to do just that by showing its true colours. To really rock red right, you have to pick the crim-son shade that works best for you. Whether its orange-red, deep crimson or bright cherry, we guarantee theres a perfect red match out there, just waiting to be worn by you.

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ALL YOU NEED IS CONFI-DENCEContrary to what you may have heard, red lipstick shouldnt be designated to formal affairs or red carpet events. Oh, no. Red lippies arent just for ball gowns and glitzy ensembles. They work with any and all outfits and any time of day. All you need to include is a little confidence. Just swipe on that lipstick, hold your head high and get ready to strut. If youre fearless, youre pure gold baby. RITA DOMINIC

ADesuA eTOMI

eku eDewOR

beNITA OyekA

by JuLIeT ALu

THISDAY Style Vol. 21, No. 7858 Sunday, October 30, 2016H E a LT H & B E a u T Y

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