Soft Skills Lab Manual for MBA Iyear

7/30/2019 Soft Skills Lab Manual for MBA Iyear

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THE ART OF COMMUNICATION:

Communication plays an important role in our life. From childhood onwards, as we

come into contact with other people, our aim is to let them know what our thoughts,

feelings and perceptions are. At the same time, we listen to them to find out theirs. As

we grow older, and take up a job, this process becomes even more important. Plans

must be carried out; job assignments must be completed, group goals must beachieved. For all this interpersonal behaviour, it is necessary for us to interact with

people, and to share with them our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This art of

sharing with other people is called communication.

So, if we are to be effective interpersonally, we should have effective communication,

be effective in face-to-face communication. Avoid, or remove, the misunderstandings

that arise in any communication situation.

Our main objectives in this program are to learn the answers for these questions.

1. What do we mean by communication?

2. What is the role of body language in communication?

3. How should we listen to people importance of active listening.

4. How to convey our perceptions about actions/behaviour - feedback.

What is communication?The sharing or exchange of information (i.e. thoughts, ideas, and opinions) between

two or more persons with common understanding is called Communication.

In the above definition, the most important features are:

Sharing This is an integral part of communication. In fact, it is the foundation of

communication. Some even go so far as to say that sharing itself is communication.

Common Understanding Why is it important? Because words mean different things to

different cultures. Suppose when we observe the following instances we can

understand the deviations which would occur in our communication.

The boss says to the secretary: This will be a very important meeting. Keep an accurate

account of the minutes. After the meeting he asks her: Have you kept accurate

minutes?Her reply: Yes sir. 53 minutes and 23 seconds.

The boss tells the secretary: Take this paper and burn it. She shreds the paper, and

burns the pieces. When she reports back to her boss, he says: Now give me the original

back. So what is she going to give him? Who is at fault the boss or the secretary?

How does communication start? When someone wants to say something. Let us call

him the sender. This sender should have someone to listen to him. Let us call this

second person the receiver. When the sender talks, and the receiver listens,

communication has taken place. If we restrict ourselves to only this, then we have One-

way

communication. How effective is one-way communication? Lets try an experiment.

One Way CommunicationMaterials Required: A geometrical figure on a sheet of paper, which should not be

shown or be visible to the participants.

Time required: About 10 minutes.

Procedure: Give the following instructions to the participants.

I shall be dictating a geometrical figure to you.

I shall repeat each sentence twice.

You cannot ask me any questions or clarifications; just draw the diagram as I dictate

it. (Start and end dictation)


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Now how many persons got that right? (Show them the original diagram)

Debrief: Why has your drawing deviated from mine? But what do you think was the

main problem? Is dictating the best way to reproduce a geometrical figure? What

should I have done? Either hang it up, or project it on a screen. Now do you see the

truth of the ancient Chinese proverb: One picture is worth a

thousand words? We thus see that one-way communication does not elicit the best

results. So what else is required? If the communication is to be meaningful, then the

receiver must give a response. He must acknowledge that he has heard the message,

and understood it. Lack of response can be a really frustrating thing. Suppose you are

telling your friend about the latest book that you read, and he just keeps staring at you

without any reactions whatsoever, then what are you to conclude? You are confused,

and after a time become angry at being ignored. It is only when a response is given

that the dialogue can continue.

How many of you have heard the term feedback? What does it mean? Is it also a

response, or does it mean anything more? Well, feedback is first of all an

acknowledgement that the message has been received, and then it goes on to tell the

sender how successfully he has transmitted his message, and what is the effect of his

message either on the receiver or on anybody else. It is one step above a response.There can be good communication, and there can be effective communication. What

is

the difference? In good communication, the receiver understands the sender. In

effective

communication, the sender achieves the intended results from the receiver. Effective

communication implies good communication, whereas vice versa need not be true.

What is the ingredient that makes all the difference? It is nothing but Clarity. Not only

the sender but also the listener should be clear. Let me give you an example.

you may communicate well, but if you do not have clarity there will be a lot

of problems, and your communication will not be effective. That is why you should be

even more careful when talking over a phone.Barriers and Filters of Effective Communication:

There are external and internal obstacles which hinder effective communication.

The external obstacles are distractions which exist outside both the sender and receiver,

and prevent effective communication. These are called as Barriers. For example, Noise,

language, cross-talk, distance, mechanical failure, jargon, visual distraction etc.

The internal obstacles are those which exist within the sender and the receiver. These

prevent the undistorted flow of communication. In other words, they tend to distort

communication, and hence they are called as Filters. These are the feelings that exist

inside both parties, like shyness, superiority complex, disinterest, pre-conceived notions

or opinions, rigid attitudes, anger, disappointment, sorrow etc.

The normal speed at which a normal English speaker speaks English is 125 to 175 wordsper minute.

The speed at which the mind processes is 400 to 500 words per minute!!

This difference between the speed of speaking and the speed of understanding is

called

the word lag. To the listener, it appears as if there are spaces between each word

even

the normal speaker speaks. We tend to fill up this bandwidth by doing things other than


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listening. If our distraction is momentary, we come back quickly, and dont lose

anything.

Murphys Laws of Communication say:

1. Communication usually fails except by chance.

2. If any message can be understood in many ways, it will usually be understood in the

way that can cause the most harm.

In fact, studies have shown that if seven messages are sent, only one gets through

effectively!

BODY LANGUAGE:

As the ancient Chinese proverb says: The body never lies, and the body never keeps

quiet.

It is surprising fact that up to 93 % of communication is non-verbal. This includes tone of

voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. The

pressure of body language can especially be felt in emotional situations. Body

language

usually prevails over words.

Head position is a great one to play around with, with yourself and others.

When you want to feel confident and self-assured, keep your head level bothhorizontally and vertically.

You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and

what youre saying to be taken seriously.

Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt

your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at

different points in the conversation.

The eyes communicate more that any other part of the human anatomy. The ancient

Chinese proverb says: The eyes are the windows, the mirrors of the soul.

Staring or gazing at others can create pressure and tension in the room.

Maintained eye contact can show if a person is trustworthy, sincere or caring.

Shifty eyes, too much blinking can suggest deception.People with eye movements that are relaxed and comfortable, yet attentive to the

person they are conversing with, are seen as more sincere and honest.

Eyebrow muscles draw the eyebrows down and toward the center of the face if

someone is annoyed. If someone is empathetic and caring during dialogue the

eyebrows will not show the annoyed facial grimace.

The nose doesnt move much, but when you wrinkle your nose, it means that you dont

like something; it expresses disgust or distaste more than words can do.

The smile. There are 50 or so different types of human smiles. By analyzing the

movements of over 80 facial muscles involved in smiling, researchers can tell when a

smile is true. Authentic smiles are smiles that crest or change rapidly from a small

facial movement to a broad open expression. The smile is often reflected in the eyes if itis a heartfelt one.

Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes

twist them to the side when were thinking. Another occasion we might use this

movement is to hold back an angry comment we dont wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it

will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not know the

comment,

they will get a feeling you were not too pleased.


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Vocal cues can predict deception. More and lengthier pauses during conversation; a

lot

of such sounds as uh, um, word repetitions; intruding sounds not part of the actual

speech, less lengthy answers or explanations where they would be expected to be.

Ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though in general terms most

people cant move them much, if at all. However, youve got two ears and only one

mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come

across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced conversation

without being me, me, me or the wallflower.

Posture is the next thing to master; get your posture right and youll automatically start

feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. An erect posture shows that

you are confident and alert and ready for anything. A drooping posture shows that you

have admitted defeat.

Angle of the body in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings

towards them. We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and

angle ourselves away from those we dont, its that simple!

Bodily cues are the most reliable of all nonverbal signals of deception. This is because a

person generally has less conscious control over these than other signals. Hand-tofacegestures and shrugs are strong markers of deception. Playing with or touching

things nearby during conversations has been found to be associated with deception.

Deceivers also are likely to have increased, quick and animated use of hands/arms

during speech.

Gestures communicate. Hand signals can communicate without the use of any

speech.

Touching communicates. Touching can be friendly or it can be aggressive. The way a

person stands reflects their level of confidence and comfort level. When you want to

come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no, no in front of others.

Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your

disapproval by crossing them !Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are

generally seen as dominant, emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when

there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up,

palm

down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where appropriate we

suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey

equality.

Legs are the farthest away from the brain, consequently theyre the hardest bits of our

bodies to consciously control. They tend to move around a lot more than normal when

we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible

in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings. Be careful, too, in the wayyou cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on

the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be

aware that the last position mentioned is known as the Figure Four and is generally

perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells you

something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. (As always, look

for a sequence)

Space is important. Personal space is needed and if it is invaded intentionally and at

times by oversight can cause an individual to feel uncomfortable or threatened. Studies


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have shown that individuals that do not respect others space are less popular and

often

rejected by others.

When you interact socially develop your listening and observations skills. The above are

a guide for looking for the clues to deception, but they are not fool proof.

In your Participant Manual is a ready-reckoner for body language. However, be careful

not to consider each body language signal in isolation; they must be seen in clusters,

and also in context. For example, if a person is scratching his head, it does not

necessarily mean that he has not understood you; he may simply be having dandruff!

NON-VERBAL BEHAVIOR INTERPRETATION

Brisk, erect walk : Confidence

Standing with hands on hips : Readiness, aggression

Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly : Boredom

Sitting, legs apart : Open, relaxed

Arms crossed on chest : Defensiveness

Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched : Dejection

Hand to cheek : Evaluation Thinking

Touching, slightly rubbing nose : Rejection, doubt, lyingRubbing the eye : Doubt, disbelief

Hands clasped behind back : Anger, frustration, apprehension

Locked ankles : Apprehension

Head resting in hand, eyes downcast : Boredom

Rubbing hands : Anticipation

Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed : Confidence, superiority

Open palm : Sincerity, openness, innocence

Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed : Negative evaluation

Tapping or drumming fingers : Impatience

Steepling fingers : Authoritative

Patting/fondling hair : Lack of self-confidence;insecurity

Tilted head Interest

Stroking chin : Trying to make a decision

Looking down, face turned away : Disbelief

Biting nails : Insecurity, nervousness

Pulling or tugging at ear : Indecision

LISTENING:A Zen riddle asks the question: Is there a sound in the forest if a tree crashes to the

ground and there is no one to hear it? What is your answer to this riddle?The answer is that no, there is no sound. That is because there can be no sound till the

act of hearing it is completed.

In the same way, there is a common misconception that communication is about

talking

to people. So, by logic, more communication means more talking. The problem is that

this doesnt work that way. Communication is not merely about talking to people. The

people also have to listen.


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So communication is not complete until the listener registers the message. For this,

barriers have to be overcome, and filters should not block out the message. All this can

be achieved only by a skill known as Active Listening.

First of all, let us understand what is the difference between hearing and listening. (Ask

for audience response. Give the example of the husband having his breakfast, and

reading the paper at the same time while in a hurry to go to work, and the wife wants

to

tell him all the gossip. Is he hearing or listening, and how to find out?)

What is the difference between listening and active listening?

Listening refers to the process of hearing a person, with attention being paid to his

words, tone, and body language. However, in this process, there will not be any

interaction, especially if we are listening to the radio, TV etc.

Active listening is listening carefully, with the added effort of trying to understand the

speakers thoughts and feelings. And then, showing to him that you understand him.

So, active listening means showing or telling the other person that you have understood

his message or his feelings. While doing so, you do not give any advice, you do not

analyze the speech, nor do you question the speaker.

In short, you set aside your own thoughts, feelings, wishes and needs to start talking. Donot try to solve any problems. Just try to understand

what the speaker wants to say, and show him that you understand him. By this process,

you are telling the speaker that you value his words.

Active listening is quite difficult. You must listen carefully to what the speaker says, and

at the same time understand him correctly. This requires concentration and discipline.

There are some skills which help you to be proficient in active listening. They are:-

1. Suspending Judgement: This skill consists of

a) Keeping an open mind. You do not have any pre-conceived notions about the

speaker or the subject, and filter out any likes or dislikes about the style, delivery

etc.

b) Concentrate on understanding the speaker.c) Hear his complete message without interrupting him.

d) Make him aware that you have understood him.

So, while suspending judgement,

i. You do not agree or disagree with the speaker.

ii. You do not ask him questions.

iii. You do not give advice.

iv. You do not start solving problems.

v. You do not speak, but let the other person speak.

While not doing so many things, should you just be staring at the speaker? No, you use

the next skill of active listening.

2. Attending Skills: This consists of giving a response to the speaker, while he isspeaking, by doing the following

(a) By maintaining eye-contact.

(b) By head nods.

(c) By making suitable sounds.

(d) By making verbal responses.

3. Clarification: This means doing two things

I) Checking the meaning of words you do not understand.

II) Checking with the speaker whether you have followed the subject correctly.


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During technical discussions, this skill should be used extensively for both the words

and the subject matter.

4. Summarization: After the speaker finishes speaking, you repeat back to him, in a

very short manner, the main points of what he has said to you.

Apart from the skills mentioned above, there is one more skill which is undoubtedly

the most important skill of active listening. It is called

5. Paraphrasing: A person is speaking to you. While doing so, he pauses to find out

your reaction. At that time, if you repeat back to him shortly, in your own words, what

you have understood him to say, then you have paraphrased him.

So, in paraphrasing, you capture, in a short statement, the essence of what he has

said.

In active listening, you paraphrase for two reasons

1. To check whether you have understood what the person has said.

2. To show him that you are trying to understand him. At the same time, he comes

to know that you are paying attention to him.

Paraphrasing has two positive uses:

a) Even if you have paraphrased the other person wrongly, he will have the

opportunity to correct you, and the misunderstanding will be removed.b) If someone asks you a difficult or unclear question, and you cannot answer at

once, paraphrasing will give you time to think and answer.

So how to paraphrase? Let us take an example.

You are working in a factory for two years. Another person has joined the factory two

months ago, and has become your friend. One day, as the two of you are having tea

together, the other person says to you:

My boss, Mr. Raghavan, is a real tyrant. I have to work daily from 6 am to 9 pm. I am

not able to pay any attention to my children. I am sick and tired of working in this

factory.

Let us analyze each sentence.

1. My boss, Mr. Raghavan, is a real tyrant contains a Name, Criticism, and HardWords.

2. I have to work from 6 am to 9 pm contains Facts.

3. I am not able to pay attention to my children contains Facts.

4. I am sick and tired of working in this factory contains Criticism, Hard Words,

and Controversy.

While paraphrasing, you avoid Names, Criticisms, Hard/harsh words, and Controversy.

You only stick firmly to the facts. You avoid the emotional content of the statement. You

start the paraphrase by using the words In other words, I understand that, It

appears

that etc, and repeat the facts shortly to the speaker.

It appears that your working hours do not allow you to pay attention to your children, isthat right?

You will also observe that the above question is a close-ended question, i.e. the other

person can only reply yes or no.

FEEDBACK:

A person, a group, or an organization may do something or behave in a particular

manner. This action or behaviour may either have good effects or bad effects.

Information to the concerned persons regarding the good or bad effects is called

Feedback.


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If the effects are good, the behaviour or action will be continued. If the effects are bad,

then the behaviour or action will either be changed or even stopped.

Feedback has three characteristics:

1. Feedback to any person is always given by any other person. That is to say,

feedback is always given by an outside source. Self assessment is not feedback,

since it is bound to be biased. If I conducted a test, and gave you your papers for

correction, you are bound to get better marks.

2. Persons or organizations may act or behave in a particular way with the best of

intentions, but the effects may be really bad. Feedback points out the gap existing

between the intentions and the effects. Once this information is given, the concerned

will make efforts to improve, grow, and develop.

3. No two persons see anything from the same angle. So feedback from a variety of

persons produces a variety of perspectives, each giving a fresh idea. All these

different streams of thought can be collated and discussed, and finally a correct and

holistic decision taken.

If you have the ability to give and receive feedback freely, then you will have the best

personal and professional relationships. Why do we give feedback? Do we want to

criticize the other person, or pull his leg, or be happy over his failure? No, we want to bevery impartial and fair in correcting something which we perceive to be not quite right.

So, objectivity is the key parameter for successful feedback.

Unfortunately, though it is a very important skill, feedback is the least used or practiced

skill, for obvious reasons.

While giving feedback, the following three things should be kept in mind:

1. Make your intentions for giving feedback very clear. You are giving feedback only to

remove any misunderstandings or grey areas in the communication, so as to make

communication more effective.

2. Always use words that have common meaning to both of you, so that there is no gap

in the understanding.

3. Check to see that what is received by the other person is exactly what you wantedhim to receive.

Negative feedback is normally given in the sandwich method. In the sandwich, you

have

a slice of bread on top, then the stuff in between, and then another slice of bread at

the

bottom. In the same way, when giving negative feedback, you first give good

feedback,

then the negative feedback, and then finally good feedback again. For example: You

are

all very intelligent people. But you have the bad habit of coming late from the breaks.

However, I am sure that you will get over this habit soon.The tool we use for giving feedback is called the Feedback Response. It is a four-step

model, and can be used for all situations, whether negative or positive feedback is to

be

given.

The four steps are as follows:

1. Behaviour description In this step we tell the other person exactly what he said

or did.

2. Feelings In this step we tell the other person what we felt because of his action or


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behaviour.

3. Impact In this step we tell the other person what was, or would be, the effect of his

action or behaviour.

4. Request In this step we request the other person for a change in his action or

behaviour which would correct the situation.

Let us take a practical example to illustrate this. Let us say that you belong to a team of

five persons, and one of you is being sent abroad by your company. Each member of

the team is hoping to be that person. Your boss quietly lets you know that you will go

abroad, and tells you to keep it confidential till it is announced. Another friend of yours,

Ashok, who is also close to the boss, comes to know this. He rushes to your cubicle to

congratulate you. He stands at the cubicle door and says loudly: Congrats! I heard

that

you are going abroad! You silently motion to him to keep quiet, and take him out of

the

office to the coffee machine. There, you give him feedback as per the four-step model.

Behaviour description: Ashok, when you said congrats loudly in the Office,

Feelings : I really felt embarrassed, since my team-mates dont know

about it yet.Impact : My friends will think that Im cheating them in some manner.

Request : Could you please keep the matter a secret till it is announced

by the boss?

--------------The End of Art of Communication--------------------

THE HIDDEN DATA OF COMMUNICATION:The Hidden Data of Communication is an important part of communication.In fact, it constitutes nearly 50% of communication. Obtaining this hidden data, andinterpreting it correctly, will go a long way in making us effective interpersonally. This datahidden in communication is nothing other than FEELINGS.So, in this program, we shall be considering the following objectives:1. The importance of feelings in communication.2. How to deal with feelings.3. The importance of developing assertive skills.4. The development of self-confidence

Researchers have found that more than any of intellectual abilities, we should haveEmotional Intelligence, measured as EQ. It is not your IQ, it is not even a number. Butemotional intelligence is the best predictor of success in life, redefining what it means to besmart.

In the corporate world, IQ gets you hired, but it is EQ that gets you promoted. It is whysome people remain buoyant in the face of troubles that would sink others. Deficientemotional skills may be the reason why more than half of all marriages end in divorce.EQ is not the opposite of IQ. Some people are blessed with a lot of both, some with littleof either. What is important is how they complement each other. For success,researchers generally agree, IQ counts for about 20%. The rest depends on luck, socialclass, and EQ.To have feelings is natural for us, and to display them is also equally


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natural. Sometimes, however, a show of raw emotions can cause problems in theworkplace.So what do we do about feelings? In America they have a slang proverb: If you cant lickthem, join them. If you cannot defeat someone, better join him to form a still stronger team.So also with feelings. We have to become aware of them, and deal with them.

DEALING WITH FEELINGSThere are some steps in dealing with feelings. They are:1. Awareness and labeling: Let us say that you are having an important meeting witha colleague. Normally, he should have switched off his cell-phone, but he is alsoexpecting an important overseas call. So he answers every call, and the tempo ofthe meeting is lost every time he gets a call. After some time, you are aware that youare irritated. How irritated are you?If this has been occurring for an hour, you are annoyed; if for more than 3 hours, youare angry; if for the whole day, you are furious.So you have become aware of a feeling, and you have labeled it depending on itsintensity. Now you can go to the next step.2. Taking action: This you can do in a number of ways. You might tell him politely that

his cell-phone is a source of disturbance. You may suggest taking a break till he getshis call. You may ask him to send an e-mail or SMS to the caller asking what time heshould expect the call. Or you may ignore the interruptions, and find a way to keep upthe continuity of the meeting.3. Reporting your feelings: Here you tell the other person what your feelings arebecause of these interruptions. You use I statements, and also use very soft orneutral words like upset, annoyed etc, instead of angry, mad, sorry etc. You also tryto make it in the form of a close-ended statement or question. So the reporting in theabove case would be: I am upset by these interruptions. Can we first decide what todo about them, and then get on with the meeting?In such circumstances, it would not help to speak unfeelingly to your colleague, using

harsh and explosive words. That would create one of two situations; either he wouldbecome defensive, and withdraw effectively from the meeting, or he could becomeaggressive, in which case the atmosphere would become vitiated.4. Feel it now, deal with it later: In some sensitive situations, it may not be possibleto either take action or report your feelings. In such situations, become aware of thefeelings now, and deal with them later, when the atmosphere and the circumstancesare more conducive to a balanced transaction. Sometimes, doing nothing is the bestway to do something.But, you may say, why should we go through all this trouble of reporting, taking actionetc? Why should we not just ignore feelings so that they go away? The problem is that ifwe do not consciously deal with our feelings, they will no doubt go away temporarily, butthey will come back to haunt us in 3 different ways:

1. The feelings build up inside us, causing stress, which would lead further topsychosomatic diseases.2. Worse still, these stresses could turn into resentment, and build up to such levelsthat they come bursting out when we least expect it and dont want it to.3. We may unknowingly express the ignored feelings in the form of sarcasticstatements, negative body language, or even indirect statements.So you see why dealing with our feelings is so essential.

SKILLS FOR DEALING WITH COMPLEX FEELINGS


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Description of FeelingsThis is nothing other than the reporting of feelings. You are disclosing a feeling that isinside you to another person. You should do this only when it is required, and when it willcontribute some value to the communication. Normally, you use this skill only withsomeone you know well, and in situations where you can predict the reaction of theother person.In case someone commits a mistake, a typical unfeeling person will blame him usingthe word You and will also use hard words. But with description of feelings, you shift toI and We, and to words that are soft or neutral, thereby indirectly appearing to shiftsome of the blame on to yourself. Thus, this skill is a powerful trust-builder inrelationships.Reflection of feelings

Sometimes we are not sure of what the other person is trying to say. Sometimes we getmixed messages from him because his message is not congruent. Sometimes,feelings run so high that we first have to tackle that problem before addressing theproblem we should. All this occurs because persons are very indirect in expressing theirfeelings.

In such circumstances, we have to guess what the other person is feeling. But ourguess is merely a guess; it may be either right or wrong. We must check out our guess,our understanding, and this is called the reflection of feelings. We are trying tounderstand what the other person is feeling.Suppose the other person is angry or sad. The typical reflection of feelings would be:I can understand that you might be feeling annoyed/upset about this.What do we see about the above statement.First, it is a guess (might).Second, it is a close-ended statement; the other person can only give a yes-noanswer, and not question back.Third, the statement is empathic; you are telling him that in his shoes you would havealso felt such an emotion.

Lastly, you are validating his emotion; you are saying that in such a situation it is okfor him to have such a feeling. You are also using soft/neutral words.Suppose you say: You dont have to be so angry/sad. This is not reflection becauseyou are violating all the rules stated above.

Suppose you say: I understand just how you feel. Again, this is not reflection, since youare showing sympathy, not empathy. Sympathy assumes that you are at a higher planeand the other person is at a lower level. You are also leaving room for a return question,which may not be polite.You should never say: You should be really angry about this. If the other person wasntangry before, he will now reconsider what his feelings should be!Perception Checking

Suppose some person says something or does something that appears strange to you.You do not know what were his intentions, or his motives, or why he reacted in thismanner. When you try to find out what his intentions, motives or reactions were, thenyou are doing a perception check. It is a step higher than reflection, which deals onlywith feelings.But your perception check should be gentle and very polite. You should not causeoffence, and the other person should not feel that you are cornering him or trapping him.Let us take an example.


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Six of you are doing a presentation. It does not matter who speaks when. To avoidconfusion, the Project Leader has fixed an order of speaking. You are to speak third.Suddenly, after the second person finishes speaking, the sixth person starts speaking.He finishes his talk, and goes away from the room.You are surprised at his reaction. Why did he behave this way? What were his motives,his intentions? At that moment you are angry, and you feel that he wanted to drawattention to himself, and appear important. Later, when you meet him, you want to checkyour perception. So you ask him: All of us were surprised when you spoke third. Whathappened?He says: I had some very urgent work in the lab to attend to. So I spoke earlier and leftthe meeting. Did it cause a problem?Now, because he has explained the matter, your working relationship with him willcontinue to be good. But see the paradox. Your perception check was wrong, but ityielded positive results:1. Even though your perception was not correct, the other person had the chance tocorrect it, and remove any misunderstanding.2. The other person was not aware till now that he had done anything wrong. Your

openness in checking has made him aware of his mistake. So, in future, he will bevery careful.3. The perception check clears up misunderstandings and wrong assumptions.Behaviour DescriptionIt is a very powerful tool. It describes exactly what was said or what was done by theother person during any interaction. Since it is the total truth, the other person cannotdeny it, and has to agree with and explain his behaviour. For example,You are giving a presentation. You see one of the participants close his eyes, and leanback in his chair for a few minutes. You think that perhaps he is tired. How do you dobehaviour description, and a perception check?Behaviour Description : During my presentation, I noticed that you closed your eyes andleaned back in your chair for several minutes.

Perception Check: I thought you might have been tired. Were you?

ASSERTIVENESS AND EXERCISEMany college students find it difficult to express their feelings honestly and openlybecause they lack assertiveness. This can become a problem when building arelationship, going out in the career world or communicating with friends, familymembers, and co-workers.What is assertiveness? What is the difference between being assertive and beingaggressive? Will people think that Im being pushy? These are common questions andconcerns. Here are some pointers to help clarify what assertiveness is really all about.

Assertiveness is the ability to express our thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, andneeds directly, openly, honestly, and appropriately, while not violating the personal rights

of others. It means that we have respect both for ourselves and for others. We areconsciously working toward a win-win solution to problems. A win-win solution meansthat we are trying to make sure that both parties end up with their needs met to thedegree possible. An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates sothat others choose to cooperate willingly.Many students seem to confuse assertive behavior with aggression. Assertiveness isvery different from aggressiveness. Aggression is self-enhancing behavior at theexpense of others. Aggressiveness involves expressing our thoughts, feelings, and


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beliefs in a way that is inappropriate and violates the rights of others.Aggressiveness can be either active or passive, but no matter which, it communicatesan impression of disrespect. By being aggressive, we put our wants, needs, and rightsabove those of others. Your classmates, friends and associates feelings are ignored,violated and not taken into consideration when interacting with them. Furthermore, as aresult of aggressive behavior, they feel hurt, humiliated, angry, and revengeful. Weattempt to get our way by not allowing others a choice. Where assertiveness tried to finda win-win solution, aggressiveness strives for a win-lose solution: Ill be the winner; youllbe the loser.

DEVELOPING ASSERTIVENESSHow to Develop Assertive Skills1. Be responsible for your own behaviourBe direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs.State reasonable requests directly and firmly. State your goals or intentions in adirect and honest manner.State your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic. Being responsible foryour own behavior will let you feel good about yourself.

2. Avoid being influencedDo not let your friends, classmates etc impose or reinforce their behaviors, valuesand ideas on you. Instead, let them know what you think, feel and want.3. Be honest regarding complimentsBe honest when giving and receiving compliments. Never put down a complimentand dont feel you must return one.4. Learn to say NO.Learn to say no to unreasonable requests. Use the word no and offer anexplanation if you choose to. Do not apologize and do not make up excuses.Paraphrase the other persons point of view. This will let him/her know that youhear and understand the request.

Avoid why questions. Why questions allows the listener to be defensive.5. Use I and We statementsRecognize and respect the rights of your friends, classmates, roommates etc. Forexample if you are upset with them use I and we statements to express yourfeelings, instead of blaming and finger pointing you statements. The words I andwe should be used in statements to convey your feelings.

An I message is a good way to let people know what you are thinking. It is made upof three parts.what is it, exactly, that the other person has done or is doingwhat is happening because of their behaviorwhat effect does their behavior have on your feelings?By using this kind of message, you are giving another person complete information,

leaving no room for second guessing or doubt.This is much more productive and assertive than simply ignoring the problem or justexpressing your anger or frustration. Be assertive, not aggressive.By using I statements express thoughts, feelings, and opinions reflectingownership.6. Use appropriate body languageIn order to convey a positive attitude:Use suitable facial expressions, always maintaining good eye contact.


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Keep your voice firm but pleasant.Pay careful attention to your posture and gestures.Listen...and let people know you have heard what they said.

Ask questions for clarification.Look for a win-win approach to problem solving.7. Choose assertive words carefullyUse factual descriptions instead of judgments. A person may have committed amistake in some part of his work. That is no reason for you to criticize his entire workas full of mistakes. Be objective in your assertiveness.8. Avoid exaggerations

A person may be doing something wrong over a period of time. When beingassertive regarding that portion of his behaviour, avoid exaggerating your remarks sothat it appears as if the person has being doing this for his whole life-time. Deeperenquiry may show genuine problems.9. Ask for feedbackWhile being assertive, we are trying for a win-win situation. So it is important for youto know how you are coming across. Does the other person see you as caring or

uncaring? It is always better to get feedback from good friends regarding your style,and modify it accordingly.For example: Sharan is a very good team-person, and does all the work well. But hehas one fault which drives all the other members of the team crazy; he is never on timefor any meeting. When he comes late, not only does the speaker lose the thread of histalk, but he also has to go through all the steps again for Sharans benefit. Nobody hasthe heart to tell Sharan about his bad habit. But you decide that it is time to be assertive.The very next day, he comes late to one of your meetings, and says: Sorry, was held upby other work. What do you tell him?

Angry Response : Why do you always come late for meetings? Cant you be punctualeven once?

Assertive Response : When you come late to a meeting, I am annoyed because I have

to repeat the information the rest of us have heard.Some techniques to be Assertive:Be aware of techniques other people may use to disregard or avoid your requests.Either intentionally or not, people may deny your rights by:Changing the subject.Responding with a strong display of emotion (including anger).Joking or making fun of your request.Trying to make you feel guilty about your request.Criticizing or questioning the legitimacy of your request.

Asking you why you want what you asked for.Practice using the Broken Record Technique when meeting with resistance or

indifference. The broken record technique consists of stating repeatedly what you wantin a calm, direct manner with the persistence of a broken record.Fogging is another technique to use with someone who is being critical of you. Itinvolves agreeing in part with the criticism. You honestly agree with some part of thecriticism even when you dont believe all of it.

A technique to use when the other person becomes angry or hostile is defusing. Its a bitlike defusing a bomb. Defusing is a delaying tactic best used when someone respondsto your assertive request with intense anger or any other extreme display of emotion.


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SELF-CONFIDENCE:Along with awareness, self-confidence is also a factor which plays a very great part inthe emotional make-up of a person, and which allows him to move in the corporateworld with a sense of realism and positive control. It is difficult to categorize selfconfidenceinto a single sentence definition; it is made up of many discrete components.

Debrief:1. Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realisticviews of themselves and their situations.2. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in theirlives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, andexpect.3. People who are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others inorder to feel good about themselves. Were heavily influenced by our society whichvalues flawless performance and places great emphasis on winning and performingperfectly. We often lose sight of the fact that we can value ourselves in spite ofmaking mistakes. Its probably good to get back to the feeling we had as children. Aschildren, we had self confidence without even questioning it. We were valued for just

being people, for just being in this world. As adults we lose sight of the basic fact thatwe are usually all right just as we are, in spite of the fact that we are not perfect.4. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do notexpect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount orignore compliments paid to them.5. By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of othersbecause they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; theydont feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.6. Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything.Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of theirexpectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.7. Self-confidence is not necessarily a general characteristic which pervades allaspects of a persons life. Typically, individuals will have some areas of their liveswhere they feel quite confident, e.g.,academics, athletics, while at the same timethey do not feel at all confident in other areas, e.g., personal appearance, socialrelationships.8. Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability.Instead it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations orstandards of others, especially parents and society.9. Friends influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents andsociety in shaping feelings about ones self. Students in their college years reexaminevalues and develop their own identities and thus are particularly vulnerableto the influence of friends. As time passes, this influence becomes a crutch, and

crutches are used by those who cant trust their own legs.10. This is very important to watch out for. When our success or our good feelings aredependent upon others approval of us, we are placing all of our value in someoneelses hands. This means our self confidence is totally dependent on how otherpeople feel or act toward us. This is a perfectionist, unattainable goal. Being awareof what a vulnerable thing it is to put our whole self worth into someone elses hand,might help to avoid this pitfall. It is more realistic and desirable to develop personalstandards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.


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11. This again is a perfectionist, unattainable goal and suggests that personal worth isdetermined by achievement. Achievement can be satisfying but does not make youmore worthy. Instead, worth is an inherent quality and all people possess it.12. While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influencesduring your childhood, as you grow older you can gain awareness and perspectiveon what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influencesyou will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You dont have to be helplessin the face of past events.13. All Or Nothing Thinking. This is a self-defeating thought pattern, and must be avoidedat all costs.14. Seeing Only Dark Clouds. Disaster lurks around every corner and comes to beexpected. For example, a single negative detail, piece of criticism, or passingcomment darkens all reality. I got a C in one chemistry test, now Ill never get intomedical school.15. Magnification Of Negative/Minimization Of Positive. Good things dont count nearly asmuch as bad ones. I know I won five chess games in a row, but losing this onemakes me feel terrible about myself.

16. Uncritical Acceptance Of Emotions As Truth. I feel ugly so it must be true.17. Overemphasis On Should Statements. Should statements are often perfectionistand reflective of others expectations rather than expressive of your own wants anddesires. Everyone should have a career plan when they come to college. I dont sothere must be something wrong with me.18. Labeling. Labeling is a simplistic process and often conveys a sense of blame. I ama loser and its my fault.19. Difficulty Accepting Compliments. Do you like this dress? I think it makes me lookfat.20. Another interesting thing is that it is easy to forget that there are things that we dowell. Continued frustration or attempting things that we have difficulty with can lead tofeelings of clumsiness and inadequacy. It doesnt take long when we experience

these feelings to find our self confidence seems to have decreased.We have got some new insights into the areas of self-confidence with the help of the abovesurveyed facts.

STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCEEmphasize Strengths

Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, youapplaud yourself for efforts rather than emphasizing end products.One thing we might do is to make a list of the things that we do well and to do one ofthese things on the list everyday. It has been shown that although this method ofincreasing our self confidence sounds simple, it is often very effective.

Another thing that often helps people who are feeling low, is making a list of thethings that they do like about themselves. By making a list like this we cansometimes rediscover those very likable qualities about ourselves that we often takefor granted.Yet another thing we can do when we are feeling low is to take some time to dosomething nice for ourselves, something we find enjoyment in. We can take the timeto treat ourselves with fondness and kindness, as we would a dear and valued friend.Take Risks


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Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win orlose. Doing so opens you up to new possibilities and can increase your sense ofself-acceptance.Not doing so turns every possibility into an opportunity for failure, and inhibitspersonal growth.Finally, another way to rebuild our self confidence is to try doing and risking thingsthat weve never tried before. Its always a little bit of a challenge in doing new thingsand just the act of accepting these challenges, some little and some big, whether weare successful or not, often increases our self confidence.Use Self-Talk : Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Then,tell yourself to stop and substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, whenyou catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that you cant do everythingperfectly, that its only possible to try to do things and to try to do them well. This allowsyou to accept yourself while still striving to improve.Self-Evaluate : Learn to evaluate yourself independently. Doing so allows you to avoidthe constant sense of turmoil that comes from relying exclusively on the opinions ofothers. Focusing internally on how you feel about your own behavior, work, etc. will give

you a stronger sense of self and will prevent you from giving your personal power awayto others.What about people who have already tried these things that were mentioned and whostill have questions or concerns about their self confidence? Temporary fluctuations inour feelings of self confidence are fairly common, they happen to most of us.However, if our self confidence is low for a prolonged period of time or our mood shiftsquite often, it might be very important to seek professional help. One thing that might behappening is that we never really developed a good, solid concept of ourselves as wewere growing up and so as result, we dont have a firm, positive concept of ourselves tobuild on. A mental health professional can be very helpful in our establishing a positiveself image.

-------------------The End of Hidden Data Communication-----------------------------------------------

IN THE WORLD OF TEAMS:What is the first pre-requisite of forming a team? Getting to know each other! Lets seehow well you know each other.We come to know how similar or how different the other person is from us. The whole craftof working in teams is to find out how different the other person is, and how to adjust to him.So working in teams consists of knowing each other, understanding similarities and

differences, and how to respect and adjust to these differences.In this program we shall consider the following:

Understand what a Team is.

Appreciate what the Elements of Teamwork are.

Understand the Stages by which a Group becomes a Team.

Appreciate the Basic Characteristics of an Effective Team.

Understand and appreciate the Building Blocks of Effective Teams.

THE TEAM CONCEPT


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Let us now understand what we mean by a Team.Which is the most famous team in India now? Thats rightthe cricket team. Lets takethat as the model for finding out what a team is.When we think of the Indian cricket team, how many players do we think of? Eleven,maybe 12 or more depending on whether you count the twelfth man, scorekeeper etc,right? So what comes immediately to mind? A GROUP. That is the first component.Then let us consider the opener Sehwag, and the middle order Dravid. By logic, can wesay that Sehwag is a batsman, Dravid is a batsman, so Sehwag is equal to Dravid? Andso also for the bowlers?Why they wont become equal? Some of you angrily protest this statement of course.Why not? Because their styles are different. In other words, each of them is anINDIVIDUAL. That is the second component. (Write on the board)What does this group of individuals do? They play cricket for India. They are lucky thattheir play is also their work, but as a whole, they are WORKING TOGETHER for India.That is the third component. (Write on the board)Lastly, why do they work together? To win trophies for India. That is what the team strivesfor. That is their COMMON GOAL. That is the last component. (Write on the board)

So we define a team as A group of individuals working together to achieve a commongoal. The four components are the cornerstones of the group edifice.Okay, so now we know what is a team. So what? Why is the concept of a teamimportant for us? Why should we work in teams?

It is evident that working in an Excellent Team leadsto Co-operation, Co-ordination, Collaboration, Complementation, and Concentration.This team is very close to you. In fact, it is you.

The speed at which the technology is changing is so rapid that it is difficult forany person to keep up-to-date even in his specialization. How then can he expect to be amaster of everything? So a person specializes in one area, and in a team he

concentrates on that specialization, and allows others to concentrate on their areas.Third, in India, we are hooked on the need for affiliation. We belong to what is called thehigh-context culture, which means that we can relate to groups, we can work in groups,and are very comfortable doing so. This is our biggest strength.So, our concept of teamwork is reflected by the old English proverb: Two, or more,heads are better than one!

Element of Teamwork:The following are basic elements of a Team:SHARING INFORMATION.LISTENING AND RESPONDING.

GIVING OTHERS BENEFIT OF DOUBT.PROVIDING SUPPORT.RECOGNIZING AND RESPECTING OTHERS INTERESTS AND ACHIEVEMENTS.1. Sharing information- this is the most important. If you do not share information, therewill always be gaps in the answer.2. Listening and responding Actively listening to other members, trying out theirsuggestions.3. Giving others the benefit of doubt Not discarding any idea, but considering eachone on merits.


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4. Providing support- If anyone was near the answer, you pointed out the shortcomingand helped him complete it.5. Recognizing and respecting the interests and achievements of others youunderstood that each one had a different talent, and took the best that he had to offer.Teamwork, therefore, is a set of interactions that incorporates the above components.But are there only advantages in working in teams? A few disadvantages may occur whenyou work in a team. They are:1. Ego clashes2. Conflicts3. Disagreements4. Stalemates5. Politics6. Non-cooperation7. Lazy members, etc)

And apart from this, some other generally observed disadvantages are:Since every member of the team is different, it is not possible to say what the totalresponse of the team will be.

Since every member of the team responds at his own speed, the total speed ofresponse is normally found to be slow.When any critical task has been given to the team, it tends to become moreinflexible, as every team member becomes more rigid in his thinking pattern.Every member of the team has to change his way of thinking, and approachingothers. Thus, his personality may be stunted, and his creativity not of the best quality.But these disadvantages are very limited compared to the large number of advantageswe have with teams and teamwork.

STAGES OF TEAM FORMATIONGroups are formed and developed through several stages. They do not form overnight.No team starts out as a fully formed team. It does not even start out as a group. It is very

interesting to find out what stages are gone through before a team, and a highperforming team, is formed.Researchers Tuckman and Jensen identified five stages of development that all groupsgo through before performing as a fully mature and effective team. These five stageshave been accepted and adopted by other researchers also.The five stages of team formation are:1. FORMING: In this stage, the group is not even a group, it is simply a collection ofindividuals. There is a great deal of uncertainty about the groups purpose, structureand leadership. Individuals meet each other, and try to know whether they will fit intothe group. Information is exchanged regarding their specializations, thus gettingsome idea regarding individual strengths. Some agreement and consensus isdeveloped. The stage is complete when interpersonal relationships are established

and when members have begun to think of themselves as part of a group.2. STORMING: The consensus developed in the first stage is suddenly very rudelyshattered, and there is a period of intense conflict. The conflict arises because ofinterpersonal behaviour and hostility. Additionally there is resistance to groupinfluence and task requirements. Occasionally, groups split. There is dissatisfactionand competition. Everything is questioned- the purpose, leadership, roles,objectives, rules. The members become aware of their differences. But even in thisstormy atmosphere, 2 positive things emerge. First, there is the formulation of more


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realistic norms and objectives; second, there is a slow formation of trust. This is acritical period for the more timid members, who may want to back out of the team.3. NORMING:A single leader emerges and this results in group cohesion. With this,the structure of the team becomes more rigid. Members show their commitment,which leads to more harmony in the group. The group has established how it willwork, within what limits, and do what. There is now a strong sense of group identityand camaraderie. New group standards and roles are formed for members.Members are now clear about what their roles and responsibilities are, and try towork together.4. PERFORMING: The performing stage is marked by teamwork, role clarity and taskaccomplishment. Group energy has moved from getting to know and understandeach other to the job of performance. The team is now focused on achieving thecommon goal. All the norms, behaviours, orientation etc, are totally understood andaccepted. . Members know how to work with each other. There are disagreementsand misunderstandings, but they are handled and solved effectively.The performing stage is reached only after the previous 3 stages have beensuccessfully completed. The time for completion of the first three stages depends on

how well the members know each other.

When members from the same department or unit come together, or when the task isclearly defined, and the objective is seen as highly important, the first 3 stages are dealtwith in hours, and sometimes even in minutes, during the first meeting of the group. Butwhere a Project Manager draws his team members from different parts of theorganization, and the members are strangers to each other, he needs to plan for andfactor in the time required for group development.5. ADJOURNING: The group has completed its assigned task and prepares for itsdisbandment. Attention is directed to wrap-up activities. Some of the members areupbeat, because they now have chances for other new experiences. Some of themembers are depressed, since they have developed good friends, and have worked

with good harmony. Finally, all the work comes to an end, and the members of the teamdisperse.By knowing these stages, we can understand the team performance at thedifferent stages, and this helps us to cope with and adapt ourselves during the differentstages in order to be more effective. More than that, if we know these stages, then wecan reach out to other members of the group, inform them of the nuances, and helpthem settle into the culture of the team.

WHAT IS AN EFFECTIVE TEAM?Creating teams is not an easy task. Forming a team requires the right combination ofskilled people and individuals who are willing to work together with others as a team.When we look at any effective team, and compare it with other effective teams, we find

that there are some characteristics that are common to all these teams. Thesecharacteristics can be summarized as follows:Size and Specialization: Normally, an effective team has a membership not exceeding8 to 10 persons, so that it does not become unwieldy. The members of the team shouldbe specialized in different areas, and should have at least one of these skills technical,problem-solving, decision-making, and interpersonal skills. This is a must because theymust carry out diverse tasks. Thus, the selection of a team is an extremely importanttask.


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Common Goals and Objectives: Let us have a small game to demonstrate thischaracteristic.But what sort of goals should we set? It is denoted by the acronym SMART.S stands for Specific. It means hard numbers. A car manufacturer sets a specific goalif he says he can produce 300 cars a week.M stands for Manageable. That means that for that specific task, he should have theinfrastructure, the manpower, and the finances.

A stands for Achievable. There is always some amount of leeway in what can beproduced more than the target, but you cannot stretch it to whatever limits you want.R stands for Realistic. The goal must always cater to the bottom line of any industry,i.e. the profit. It cannot be an abstract goal.T stands for Time bound. In a good company, deadlines, together with quality andspecifications, are of paramount importance, and must in all cases be met.

Leader: This is sometimes a controversial area. All the members of the team areextremely intelligent persons, so why make one of them a leader? Is it because he ismore intelligent than any of them? Not so. The leaders role is just another role in the

team. He is the binder. He is the motivator for the introverts in the team. In cases ofconflict, he is the arbiter. He is the bridge between the management and the team,carrying instructions and complaints from one to the other, and providing the direction asrequired. He is the first line of defense in any team. Proper leadership and structureprovide focus and direction to the team.Roles and Responsibilities:After taking care of the proper team mix, we must seethat each member of the team is very clear about what will be his role andresponsibilities. By this, specialization will be protected. Non-identification of clear rolesand responsibilities will lead to duplication and grey areas and confusion. Membersshould not hide inside the team and indulge in social loafing.Communications: This is one of the most important characteristics. If the common goalis compared to a big jigsaw puzzle, then each member of the team has different pieces

of the jigsaw puzzle with him. By communicating properly, all the pieces can be joinedtogether to form a whole. If not, then the common goal cannot be achieved. Ifcommunications break down, then there is mistrust, low morale, and duplication ofefforts. So effective communications is a must, through talking, phones, e-mails, letters,meetings etc.Trust: In an effective team, every member has complete trust in the other member. Theteams success is assured only if each member of the team succeeds, and thissuccess is attained only through trust. Trust also means that respect is being shown.This is also one of the most important factors in an effective team.

After lunch, we shall have an activity to reinforce the basic characteristics of an effectiveteam.

ESSENTIAL BUILDING BLOCKS OF EFFECTIVE TEAMSWe have seen from the previous part of the session than communication and trust areconsidered to be the most important characteristics of an effective team. They are saidto be the most essential building blocks of effective teams.There is no doubt that communication is an essential part of the team. As we saidearlier, without communication there will be duplication, mistrust, and confusion. Anotherimportant factor is trust between the team members otherwise team will collapse.


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The reason for the misunderstanding is that we may be individuals, but that does notprevent us from respecting the abilities, the strengths and the contributions of the otherpersons, however different they may be from us. When we respect the other person, we getrespect from him. This mutual respect gives rise to trust. When we trust the other person,we do not see his differences as a threat, but as a positive and constructive force. We donot view his difference as a challenge, but as a welcome change.The first skill which requires building up trust is that of Active Listening.What are you doing when you are actively listening to another person? You are payinghim your full attention. So you are respecting what he says. This respect on your partmakes him respect you in turn. This builds up trust for each other.The second skill is that of Feedback. If feedback is given effectively in the sandwich and4-stage models, and if the changed action or behaviour is requested for properly, and thesolution is worked out jointly, then there is excellent sharing and growth, and the teamwill be healthy and robust.

TEAM PLAYER STYLESA person cannot be perfect, but a team can be, in the sense that a team mightcomprise personal attributes that no single person could ever contain. Personal

attributes of several people making up a team might either complement each other, orhave a synergetic effect.It seems, then, that the talents of the solitary thinker, who can wield great ideas, teamedup with the talents of the enthusiastic visionary who can turn ideas into reality, is asuccessful combination. These talents and personal characteristics are not commonwithin a single individual, but can, of course, occur in a team of individuals.For our purposes, a team is any number (greater than one) of individuals who share anexpressed interest in working together in order to achieve a goal. A team, then, consistsof individuals, and as individuals they have a number of properties or attributes whichdetermine their efficacy as members of the team.Clearly, working in teams brings out the best in some people, if a suitable partner or set

of partners can be found. Is it possible, though , to know or to predict with some nontrivialdegree of accuracyjust how beneficial a team is?Dr. Meredith Belbin, of the Industrial Training Research Unit at Cambridge has developedan understanding of how teams work, and how to make them work better. Belbinsperception is that all members of a management team have a dual role. The first role,the functional one, is obvious: a manager belongs to the team because he is anaccountant or production engineer or regional service manager or group marketingexecutive, or whatever. The second role, the team role, is much less obvious.Through extensive research at Henley Management College Belbin isolated andidentified eight key roles as the ones available to team members. Over the years of hisresearch, first at Henley and subsequently within the real business world extending fromBritain to Australia, Dr. Belbin and his colleagues learned to recognize individuals who

made a crucial difference to teams and to whose team types he gave descriptivenames.The reason for these names is not always obvious, and the names themselves aresometimes a little misleading. When using them it is the descriptions, not their labels,which are important.Here are the Belbin team types:

1. Creators2. Planner


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3. Resource Investigator4. Leaders5. Co-ordinator6. Shaper7. Implementers8. Team Worker9. Team Implementer10. Completers11. Monitor Evaluator12. Completer Finisher

According to the researcher Rolf the styles come under one orthe other of the five main personality dimensions. Based on his system, eight stylesemerge which are a mixture of the personality dimensions, their personalities are composedof various traits, all of which come under one or other of 5 major personality dimensions.For easy memory, we can call them as the 5 Es, and what they comprise of are mentionedbelow:

1. EXTROVERT:Aggressive, assertive, daring, flamboyant, frank, open, fun-loving.2. EMPATHIC:Accommodating, acquiescent, compassionate, cordial, kind, mild,gentle, sincere.3. EFFICIENT: Careful, exacting, fastidious, fussy, tidy, hardworking, meticulous, neat,orderly.4. ELITE: Un-envious, calm.5. ELDRITCH:Artistic, complex, creative, imaginative, philosophical.Based on the above, there are 8 team styles emerged with the following traitspossessed by each one of the styles:The Builder : adaptable, caring , avoids conflict , observant , co-operative , diplomatic ,over-sensitive , indecisive during crisis, full of team spirit.The Visualizer : broad in outlook, calm & confident, conscious of priorities, consultative,

empire-building, laid-back, encouraging of others, manipulative, less creative, morepractical.The Analyst : analytic, impartial, logical, realistic, shrewd, critical , skeptical, slowmoving,cannot motivate others.The Controller : accurate , conscientious , frightened of failure , good at followingthrough, perfectionist , reluctant to delegate , persistent , fussy.The Organizer : disciplined , effective , loyal , practical , resistant to change , wellorganized , inflexible , un-adventurous.The Guide : challenging , competitive , hard-driving , outspoken , provocative , tough ,aggressive , impatient, paranoid.The Networker : easily bored, enterprising , inquisitive, opportunistic , persuasive ,

outgoing ,erratic , impulsive.The Innovator : Creative, forgetful, imaginative, innovative, knowledgeable, original,unorthodox, up-in-the-clouds, intellectual, disregards practical details or protocol.

---------------------The End of World of Teams---------------------------------------------


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ADAPTING TOCORPORATE LIFEValues and beliefs, those are important to every one of us. These values affect the choices

that you make. These values also affect the type of clothing that you wear. Yourappearance communicates your values to others.In the corporate world it is important to present yourself with the kind of polish thatshows you can be taken seriously, and also about being comfortable around people (andmaking them comfortable around you!)

Again, in the corporate world, you are supposed to know what is right and what is wrong,and then do the right thing. But the right thing is not as straightforward as a lot ofbusiness literature tells you there is a lot of gray area.So, the corporate world is a place where we should know how to dress, how to behave,and how to take decisions so as to do the right thing.With the above in mind, the objectives for this program are:

Understand and appreciate Corporate Grooming and Dressing.

Understand the importance of Business Etiquette.

Understand and appreciate the dilemmas of Business Ethics.We all live in different communities and are born into different cultures, which are oftenreflected in the clothing that we wear. When you go outside your community or culturegroup, others may identify you as being different.

A business or organization is a culture in itself. When you work for that organization,you become a part of that culture. When you are a member of that culture, you areexpected to reflect the values of that organization.

A potential employer seeks individuals who have qualified skills, are dependable andenthusiastic. He also seeks someone who will representthe values of their organization. During an interview session, one thing that the potential

employer is concerned about is whether or not you will fit in with the culture of theircompany. One of the determinants for this is based on your appearance.If your appearance is very different from the other employees, you may not fit theimage that the company is seeking. Therefore, you may need to alter your appearanceto match the values of the company where you are.The way that you look and the way that you act determine what people think about you. Ifyou smile people think that you are pleasant; if you wear wrinkled clothing people thinkthat you do not care. How you feel about yourself on the inside should show on theoutside. Some of us know this; some of us do not. If we want the outside world torespond to us in a positive way, we must look and act positively.Our appearance is composed of two components the way in which we groomourselves, and the way in which we dress. Corporate life expects a particular standard

in both these components, and it is very necessary for us to know these standards soas to show the company that we respect the values of the company.Let us now consider some situations to find out what the standards of grooming anddressing are in the corporate world.

GETTING READY FOR AN INTERVIEWThere is nothing more discouraging than to open your closet door to find that you havenothing to wear. Therefore, a planned outfit is a must when you are looking for a job. It isimportant to have one well fitting and coordinated interview outfit because you never


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know when an opportunity to interview for a job will come your way.Do find out about the company youre interviewing with. Call the Personnel Departmentand find out the dress requirements and dress appropriately. Call the organization whereyou are applying for a job. Ask about the dress code and recommended clothing to wear.You could say, I have an interview with ................. in the .................. department for aposition as an ..................... . Could you please tell me what would be appropriate dressfor this interview?It will be easier and quicker to get the items you need if you plan ahead. The less youhave to spend, the more important it is to plan. If you have a limited budget, borrowsomething from a relative or a friend. You can also shop local resale shops. Lookinggood does not have to cost a fortune.

Grooming Checklist for the Interview DayBathe or shower on the morning of the interview.Brush and floss your teeth. Use mouth wash.Your outfit should be clean and pressed. Your undergarments and other accessoriesshould be ready.Shoes should be polished. Check to make certain the heels are not run-over.

Does jewelry match? Is it conservative and tasteful?Are nails and hands clean and neat?Wear cologne, but wear it very lightly.Hair done and neat. Bring a comb with you just in case.For women: Apply makeup lightly. Bring powder and or lipstick to freshen up beforethe interview.For men: Be freshly shaven.Take a wristwatch with you to keep track of the time, even if it is an inexpensive one.Being on time for the interview is of utmost importance.First ImpressionsYou only have one chance to make a good first impression! A person will size you upin a matter of 15 seconds as you walk into the room! What you wear says a wholelot about who you are, or at least who you are presenting yourself to be.Whether you like it or not, the first impression that you make is visual. This meanspaying attention to every little detail - from head to toe - is important.

Appearance can make the difference in getting or not getting a job. Correctappearance can be your competitive advantage over someone else.With first impressions, there is no erase button so make certain that the firstimpression is a positive one.Potential employers size you up based on how you look and how you carry yourself.So, pick the package that says what you want the employer to think: This personcares about how they look. This person is serious about finding a job.

A interviewer evaluates you by observing the following criteria:

55% body language and appearance 38% verbal tone

7% verbal content

Clothing StylesFormal Business: A clean, pressed suit is the best way to go. If this is not available, asuit jacket with coordinated slacks to match is the second choice. Tie with white, blue,beige or other light colored shirt that compliments the suit. Dress shoes, black or brownonly. Dark socks.


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Informal Business: A sport coat with coordinating slacks is the first choice. If this is notavailable, slacks with shirt and tie are the next choice.Casual wear: Clean and pressed khakis are recommended. Try to avoid wearing jeanson the job interview. A shirt with a collar is recommended, maybe knit. Complementaryshoes, such as bucks can be worn. It is not recommended to wear sports shoes.

Clothing Dos and DontsThe following are general guidelines for successful interview dressing:Do wear clean, ironed clothes.Do empty pockets beware of bulging keys and tinkling change.Dont wear loud, bright colors such as greens, reds or purples.These colors can be used sparingly as accents or accessories.Dont wear jeans or t-shirtsDont wear ripped jeans.Do wear buttoned shirts, leaving only one or two buttons open at most, not showingchest.Dont wear sports clothes with emblems. Avoid clothing with large designer labels.

Do wear a tie if possible. Make certain that it is knotted firmly, not loosely around theshirt collar.Do wear traditional daytime fabrics. Avoid wearing satins or leather.

Accessories Dos and DontsDo wear clean, conservative, and polished shoes.Dont wear more than two rings.Dont wear any body piercing paraphernalia (earrings, nose rings, or eyebrow rings)Dont wear baseball caps or sunglasses.Dont wear athletic shoes, no matter how clean and new. They are consideredinappropriate for an interview.Dont wear earrings. If you normally wear one, take it out.Dont wear chains or necklaces.Do shine your shoes.Do wear complimentary and stylish ties. This is one piece of garment that can beeye-catching.Dont wear sandals.How to Tie a TieDo you know how to tie a tie? Heres how. Make certain that you practice before the dayof the interview or have someone help you.

CORPORATE GROOMINGDOS AND DONTS FOR MEN:

Do wear your hair clean and styled neatly.

Do use deodorant. Do not use a lot of cologne.

Do not have dirty fingernails no matter what. Trim nails and scrub hands ifnecessary.

Do cover tattoos wherever possible.

Do not smoke, chew gum or spit tobacco.

Do shave your facial hair. If you wear a beard, it should be neatly trimmed.

Mustaches should also be trimmed.


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Maintain good oral hygiene. Brush twice a day, and use a good mouthwash. For theoffice, carry a small bottle of mouthwash to be used after lunch, snacks etc.

After having coffee/tea, wait for a while and then rinse mouth well with water toremove the sugar after-effects on the teeth.

Smoking , tobacco, and guthka spoil breath and teeth. Avoid totally.

Keep at least 4 pairs of socks to use throughout the week. Change your socks everyday, and wash the used one, especially in summer.

Socks and shoes smell, and smell bad. Keep at least two pairs of shoes, and airthem out daily before wearing them. Use powder on the feet to avoid smells.

FOR WOMEN:Hygiene and Skin CareHygiene is an ongoing task.Bathe or shower daily. Rinse or wash your face at least two times a day.Brush and floss daily. Use mouthwash or rinse with diluted baking soda ifmouthwash is not available.Drink plenty of water to keep your insides clean. This will also help to keep your skinfresh on the outside.Remove underarm and leg hair regularly. Also, remove any facial hairs as theyappear. A depilatory or a bleaching cream may be needed if you have heavy facialgrowth.Wear very little or no perfume. Mild deodorants or cologne is ok if you tend toperspire.Cover tattoos during working hours.Hands and FeetYour hands talk for you! They should be clean and smooth. Keep a small bottle oflotion to keep your hands moisturized to avoid dryness and flakiness.Keep your nails clean and trimmed, especially long nails.Nail colour should either match clothes or be neutral. If partly chipped off, remove it

totally.If hands tend to sweat, keep hanky or tissue handy especially if you have to shakehands.Wear comfortable well-fitting shoes. Otherwise the shoes will pinch not only yourfeet but also your face!Have more than one pair of shoes so that airing can be done to remove any smells.In summer, dry feet thoroughly, especially between toes, and use talcum powder toprevent any smells.Give yourself a manicure from time to time.Footwear is best matched with the colour of the handbag; otherwise with salwar,churidar, or trousers. It is good to have one hand bag and footwear of matchingneutral colours.With western formals, wear closed shoes or sandals.With Indian wear, wear good slippers or strapped sandals.Make-UpThe reason for cosmetics is to make you look prettier and highlight your best features.Do learn how to apply makeup properly. It may take practice. Ask a friend to help you orgo to a cosmetic counter in a department store for advice. Here are some guidelines:Match foundation to skin tone for a natural look. Blend into neck area so that there isno visible line. Foundation should be applied lightly.


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Face powder can also be worn with foundation or worn alone. It smoothes the skinand eliminates facial shine.Eye makeup applied to the natural brow line is the most attractive.If you do wear eye make up, match or blend with your natural color. Light kajal and eyelineris okay.

Avoid elaborate make-up and dark rouge.Avoid shiny and elaborate bindis. If using kumkum, ensure that it doesnt spreadwhere not required.Wear lipstick to compliment the color of your outfit. Use neutral shades like lightbrown or light maroon. But do stay away from extremely dark or bright colors orbright reds and fluorescent colors.

AccessoriesEar rings, chains, bangles, rings etc should be well harmonized with the clothes.

Avoid very large ear-rings and bangles that make a lot of noise.Avoid wearing glass bangles and bindis with western formals.HairYour hair should complement your face and complexion. Wear a conservative yet

attractive style for the interview.Wash hair once a week with mild soap or shampoo. Dry it well to avoid smells.Style hair so that it is away and out of your face.Hair color should not be more than one or two shades darker or lighter than yournatural hair color. Unnatural colors (burgundy, green, etc.) must be avoided.If hair is long, tie up in plait or pony-tail while working, so as to avoid knotting andcoming in the way. Loose hair is okay for social functions.No flowers at any time during working hours.Use very little hair oil, if at all. Perfumed oil is a no-no.

CORPORATE DRESSINGYour clothes are talking about you! What you wear expresses how you feel about

yourself. What your clothes say about you is within your control. Looking your bestalways demands careful attention to personal grooming and the clothing that you wear.The first and foremost rule is that you must be the center of attention, not your clothes.Dress CodesDress codes are legal guidelines that an organization uses for their employees. Theyare needed for the following reasons:Safety and hygiene- Protective clothing such as steel-toed boots, helmet, hairnets,clean nails, non-flammable uniforms.Health- Prevent harm from bacteria and germs.Identification- For service and assistance, identifiable.Image- Conservative, honest, efficient.For the first few days on the job err on the side of conservative. Watch how your peers

and your boss dress. You will then have a sense of the right type of clothing to wear.Dressing like the boss is usually the best idea. It shows your desire to be a part of theorganization.If you are still in doubt ask for an employee manual. Most companies have writtenguidelines that include dress codes. Reading the manual will not only give you a senseof what to wear, but will also give you clues on what is expected of you as an employee.How you look represents the company. To customers, you are the company. Also, yourappearance can directly affect your relationship with others on the job and the work


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environment. Therefore you should consider your appearance for work, not for yourself.Career Dressing for Men: (Western Formals and Casuals)Non-white long-sleeved shirt and dark coloured trousers.Tie should be matching the socks.Tie may have geometrical designs; it should not be flashy.Tie should come to the middle of the belt.Socks may be any colour other than white and black (Grey, dark brown etc).

Documents

Soft Skills Lab Manual for MBA Iyear