1. WHAT IS A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE? The Statement of Purpose is the single most important part of your application that will tell the admissions

commitee who you are, what has influenced your career path so far, your professional interests and where you plan to go from here. As the name signifies, the Statement of Purpose is your personal statement about who you are, what has influenced your career path so far, your professional interests and where you plan to go from here. It need not be a bald statement of facts; several successful SoPs address these questions through anecdotes, stories or by describing their hero. But whether your SoP is subtle or to the point, it must be well written to be successful. (What is a successful SoP?)

This is because the SoP is the only part of your application packet over which you have full control. Your

academic and extra-curricular records are in the past. Most people only take one or two shots at the GMAT, GRE or TOEFL, and these scores could be adversely affected by conditions on the test day. It is important to choose recommendation letter writers carefully, but while you hope they give you the best possible recommendation, this is not within your control.

The SoP is your chance to talk directly to the admissions committee. To make yourself stand out from among a

multitude of similarly qualified candidates. To convince the committee that you have the spark, the thirst for knowledge that could add value to your class.

Most of us work hard for the standard tests - the GRE, GMAT, TOEFL and others. We attend classes or peruse

study aids. We give practice tests and do everything within our power to aim for the highest possible score. Because we know that these test scores, while not a perfect tool, are crucial to our chances of gaining admission and even a scholarship or assistantship.

The SoP or essay, on the other hand, is put off till the last possible moment. It scares us when we look at those

oh-so-perfect essay examples in the admissions guidebooks and wonder how we can ever write so well. Or wonder what shining instance we can pick out of our normal, average lives to show that we are unique and remarkable. Or how to pick our way through the minefield of endless Do's and Don'ts. Or, after overcoming all these obstacles, we falter at the seemingly endless revisions, wondering if this latest draft is good enough (If I read that essay once more, I'll scream!). Finally we write something, because time's a-pressing and we have to meet the application deadline. We do our best, juggling the writing process with the last-minute paraphernalia of applying-checking forms for errors and completeness, collating the application packets, making sure transcripts, recommendations, work samples and resumes go in their right envelopes, worrying about transit times. We feel thankful when the essay is over, do a quick scan for obvious mistakes, and send it on its way.

If you do it this way, you are practically throwing away your chances of admission (see the next section, What

do Schools look for in a Statement of Purpose?). A good SoP will certainly improve your chances of getting admission to the school of your choice, and even compensate for weaker portions of your application such as less-than-perfect grades. A bad SoP, on the other hand, has the potential to drag down an otherwise strong application.

If you plan correctly, you can give yourself enough time to submit a well-written, thoughtful, polished essay

that will boost your chances for admission. Equally important, this is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be rewarded by a better understanding of who you are.

Writing a reasonably good Statement of Purpose is not an impossible task. It requires care, attention and

patience. And enough time for you to be able to write several drafts, show them to people and polish the essay till you get a version you are happy with.

Done right, this will even turn out to be an enjoyable process. And you will be the richer for it. Read on.

2. WHAT DO COLLEGES LOOK FOR IN A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE?

The primary question admissions committee members ask themselves when they read a Statement of Purpose

is: What does this essay tell me about the person who wrote it? Put yourself in an admission officer's shoes. From among thousands of applications, you have to choose the

fraction of students that will comprise next year's incoming class. A mix of interesting, confident and enthusiastic people who will make the class a stimulating place. Academic achievements and good test scores are important. But in an era where the majority of applicants have good academic records, it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish between individuals and decide who gets the offer of admission.

When you apply, each of the items in the application packet -recommendations, extra-curricular achievements,

work samples - adds an extra dimension to your personality. But it is the SoP that brings you to life. Which is why each essay is read carefully by at least two and often four or five people before a decision is taken on the application.

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Does this mean that the SoP is the main deciding factor? No. Your academic record, grades and the courses you took are the first section admission committee members turn to. Standardized test scores are useful to know where you stand in the applicant pool. For graduate schools, relevant work or academic experience is important. Being from a reputed school or college confers a distinct advantage. What your teachers or boss think of you goes a long way towards the school's opinion. A good work sample can show your creativity, skill and professionalism.

However, only the SoP or application essays can bring out your uniqueness. And therefore make or break your

application. An applicant who does not take the essay seriously is throwing away the best opportunity available. So are the admission officers looking for specific personality sorts? Well, yes and no. Creativity, curiosity, pride

in your work, an enthusiasm for learning, a capacity for teamwork, the ability to think independently and so on are all good attributes, and most of us share these in varying proportions. But what schools look for is a mix of individuals that together, form a well-balanced class. This would include several personality types.

It is good to go through the school's brochure or web site, speak to people about it, visit if that is possible; get

a feel of the student mix that they look for and decide if this is the school for you. However, trying to tailor your SoP to reflect what you think the school is looking for is dangerous business. The people who read your application have been doing so for years and are skilled at spotting fakes. They are likely to know soon if a particular author is saying something for effect or if an essay does not ring true. And that means almost certain rejection.

What is this, you might ask. Of course we want to have an effect on the admissions officers. The important

thing is to do so without appearing dishonest. If, for instance, you talk about your deep desire to make society a better place, your application should reflect it. Have you done anything about this desire? Can you talk about your actions and experiences? A small example of something you did, not necessarily spectacular, can do more towards boosting your chances than the noblest platitude can.

Don’t try to be something you are not. Don’t try to tell the admissions committee what you think they want to

hear. Be honest, look inside yourself and do your best. Which brings us to the next point - self-knowledge. The people who read your essay want to be convinced that

you have thought long and hard about who you are, what the things you appreciate are, what inspires you. What you want out of life, and where you are going from here. It is not necessary to have all the answers. After all, several admirable people have no idea where they are going even at age 40 or 50. It is necessary to show that you have thought about this. And that these life experiences have taught you something.

Finally, you have to show a desire to learn, from your books and teachers, from your classmates, from music or

art, from life itself. Too vague for you? Turn to the section on starting your SoP and find out how these attributes translate into

concrete steps. Read the section on.

3. Starting the essay Writing your admissions essays or Statement of Purpose (SoP) is a long and intensive process - ten to twelve

drafts over a two-month period are fairly common. It is necessary to put in this hard work to come up with an essay that is uniquely yourself, and a compelling read which convinces the admissions committee that you are right for their school. This is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be rewarded by a better understanding of who you are and what you want.

3.1. Preliminary Research Write out your resume. It is best to get this out of the way so that your SoP is not a repetition of the

information in the resume. It should instead, use the resume as a reference and highlight the learning you have received during some key points in your career. There are a number of sites that help you to write a suitable resume for your college applications. You could also browse your local bookstore for resume-writing aids.

Research the universities you are considering applying to. Find out the strengths and weaknesses of each. Good

sources for this exercise are - university and department web sites and brochures, home pages of students, your seniors or friends who are studying at that university or in the same field elsewhere, your college professors, friends in the same field. If it is possible for you to access the university's web site, find out which professors work in areas that interest you and write to them about your plans. Some professors respond, some don't - but you have nothing to lose at this stage. In fact, you could gain a better idea about the areas of research emphasized upon by that particular department. After finding out some details about your potential universities, decide whether you still wish to apply there. While you should start work on this as early as possible, recognize that it is a long process and will continue through the various stages of writing your SoP. At the same time, you will have to draw the line at background research sometime as you are working on a timetable.

Visit some web sites that talk about how to write your essay. A search for 'college admission essays' on Yahoo

will yield some sites. Check out the sample essays. If you do not have easy access to the Internet, go to your local bookstore and browse through a few books. In India, 'The Princeton Review: The Student Access Guide to College

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Admissions' is good and easily available. Read their section on application essays. Remember that the essays you read are usually the best the authors could find. You are not expected to write as well; most people who get admission to top schools do not.

3.2. Background issues Ask yourself why you want to study further. Take a piece of paper and start writing down all the reasons. Spend

about half an hour on this, so that you can go beyond clichéd ideas like wanting to improve your prospects or contribute to society. Write a few sentences on any reason that particularly strikes a chord with you.

Make lists of instances you can use in your SoP. For example, if you've been asked to talk about an important

event in your life, list down events that have made a significant impression on you. Don't worries if these are events that are not 'conventionally' important or seem insignificant; what matters is that they have had some influence over you. Similarly, make a list of people you admire or who have influenced you - this could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, etc. and need not necessarily be a famous person.

Go through your resume and reflect on what you have learned from your various experiences. How have they

molded your interests and led you to this point? Pick one or two cases that you can talk about in-depth. For graduate school, it is best to take at least one professional situation and show what you did and learned.

Make a list of schools you plan to apply to. As you continue through the background check, you will add a few

universities and delete several. A final shortlist of ten to fifteen schools is common. Ask yourself why you wish to study at each of the schools you have listed. For graduate study, it is important to ensure that your interests are compatible with the research interests of the department you are applying to. As you progress through the background check and understand more about your interests through subsequent revisions of the SoP, add to and improve the list.

4. Writing the Essay Read the essay question carefully to find out what the university expects you to write about. While you don't

have to stick to the questions asked, you must be sure to answer them all in your SoP. Refer to your lists of background research and write about two handwritten pages in response to the essay question. Go through them the next day.

Remember that your essay has the following objectives: Show your interest in the subject. Rather than saying that you find electronics interesting, it is more convincing

to demonstrate your interest by talking about any projects you may have done and what you learnt from them. If you have taken the initiative to do things on your own, now is the time to talk about them

Show that you have thought carefully about further studies, know what you are getting into, and have the

confidence to go through with it. Have the admissions committee like you! Avoid sounding opinionated, conceited, pedantic or patronizing. Read your essay carefully, and have others read it to find and correct this.

Demonstrate a rounded personality. Include a short paragraph near the end on what you like to do outside of

your professional life. Keep the essay focussed. Each sentence you use should strengthen the admissions committee's resolve to admit you. So while you may have done several interesting things in life, avoid falling into the trap of mentioning each of them. Your essay should have depth, not breadth. The resume is where you should list achievements. Remember that you have very little space to convey who you are, so make every sentence count.

Pitfalls your essay must avoid : It is a repetition of the resume or other information available from the

application form, It could have been written by just about anybody; your individuality does not come through, It is not a honest account in response to the essay question (why you want to study what you do, what you have learned from an event/person in your life and so on) It has embarrassing, highly personal and emotional content that should be avoided unless it makes a unique, creative point. The admissions committee would not appreciate reading about the pain you went through after breaking up with your boyfriend. An account of how you overcame difficult family circumstances, illness, or a handicap, would be a valid point to include in your essay. However, avoid emotional language.

5. Editing and Rewriting Language Guidelines Take another 7-8 days to write 3-4 more drafts. Go through the objectives and pitfalls often. Refer to, and edit

your lists as you go along.

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Flow While each paragraph should make a complete statement on its own, the essay should logically progress from

paragraph to paragraph. Read your essay for flow, or have someone else read it, and ask yourself if there seems to be an abrupt shift between ideas in two consecutive paragraphs.

Structure This follows naturally from flow. Do all the paragraphs mesh together to form a cogent whole? Does the essay,

through a logical progression of ideas, demonstrate your interest, enthusiasm, and fit in the department you have applied to?

Language Avoid slang and abbreviations. For acronyms, use the full form the first time and show the acronym in

parentheses. Use grammatically correct English and ALWAYS read your essay carefully for spelling mistakes before you send it off - your computer's spellchecker may not flush out all the errors. Try to make your essay crisp, cutting out unnecessary adverbs, articles and pronouns (for instance, a careful reading may yield several "these" that are superfluous).

Tone Use a consistent tone throughout the essay - it will only confuse the admissions officers if you alternately sound

like Ernest Hemingway and Shakespeare, and is hardly likely to endear you to them! While you should avoid flowery language and clichés, there is no harm in looking for the most apt phrase or sentence. Be careful while using humor - it can misfire and harm your chances.

6. Polishing the essay So now you have a coherent essay put together. You think the structure is more or less right, the ideas flow,

and the language isn’t bad. What next? 6.1. The ‘In their shoes’ check Put your essay away for a day or two. When you take it out, lay it face down for two minutes while you put

yourself in the admissions committee’s place. Imagine yourself to be a professor or graduate student who is going through a few hundred applications and classifying them into ‘yes’, ‘maybe’ and ‘no’ piles. Think of how you would look at SoPs and try to read yours through a stranger’s eyes. What do you see?

• Remember that for graduate school, your essay need not be great writing. What the school is looking for

is a competently written statement of goals and interests that demonstrates how you think, whether you have thought through this decision to apply, and whether your interests and strengths fit in with the program you are applying to. To this end, they expect to see the following in an essay

• What areas are you interested in and why, • How well defined your interests are, • Are these interests based on experience (academic or on the job) that the school may find useful, • Where do you see these interests taking you, • How do you think graduate school will help you, • What experience have you had that will help? Does your essay cover these points? Does it do so in an

honest and interesting manner? Many of the students applying will have backgrounds similar to yours, so avoid clichéd ideas.

• Are you repeating information that is available from the resume? Do so very sparingly, and only if you are making a point about your learning or achievements during that experience. Weed out all other information that sounds like repetition (it will only irritate the reader), or can be included in your resume, or does not actively contribute towards making a point in your essay.

• Does your essay have an interesting beginning? This need not be witty, but should persuade the reader to stay with you.

• Have you talked about specific incidents that illustrate your interest or familiarity with the subject, or show something about you? These incidents might include, for example:

o A college or work project that was instrumental in confirming your interest in the field (be sure to include a recommendation from your guide!),

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o Extra-curricular activities that brought out useful aspects in you (leadership skills or team activities are particularly helpful for business school applications!),

o A book or person who had a strong influence on you. • Does the essay bring out your personality? Or could it have been written by just about anybody? • Have you mentioned why you are applying to that particular school? Does this section of the essay

demonstrate that you have researched the school and the program? DON’T stop at the standard formula phrase, ‘I am applying to XYZ because of its great reputation in _______.’

• Does your essay flow smoothly? If it is choppy and abruptly jumps from paragraph to paragraph, your readers will have a tough time keeping up. Make it easy on them – smoothen the transition between paragraphs.

• Is the tone too formal or not formal enough? Be professional yet informal – the tone you would take with your Principal or Head of Department, for instance.

• Does the essay end well? Does it leave the reader with a sense of completion? Avoid usage of clichés like, ‘I hope the admissions committee finds my application up to their expectations’.

These self-check will yield a few ideas for improvement. Use it at least 3-4 times during this last stage of polishing up your SoP.

6.2. Showing your stuff around It is essential to show your SoP to a few people whose opinion you respect – an English teacher from school, a

professor, an older friend, a parent or a relative. Include among these, 2-3 people who know you well. Ask your readers to pay particular attention to the following points:

• The beginning and the end – do they hold interest? • The logical and smooth flow of ideas – does each paragraph smoothly give way to the next? • The structure – does each paragraph bring home a central idea and contribute to the overall ‘feel’ of

the essay? Are the paragraphs in proper positions? • The style and language – are they appropriate and consistent? Does the essay have too many cliches?

Does it repeat particular words or phrases too often? Does it have too many superlatives? • The tone – is it unnecessarily boastful or overly modest? • The quality of the essay – is it boring? Does it bring out the writer’s personality? Does it include

superfluous information? Or conversely, are there incidents or aspects the essay should mention? Ask your readers to write their comments on the essay. Also, spend some time discussing it with them. Listen

to their suggestions carefully but remember that this is your essay. You don’t have to implement every suggestion, only those that make sense to you.

6.3. The final printout Once you have the final draft ready (you have to stop sometime!), do the following before you take a final

printout:

• Run a spelling and grammar check. • Read the essay carefully two-three times for spelling or grammar errors the program did not detect. • Look for and correct any anomalies in spacing, font and margins. • Choose a readable font and size, nothing fancy. Avoid special effects like underlining, boldface and

italics (except in the title, if you have one). Don’t use colors. Don’t use special stationery or your letterhead.

• Make sure that the school and program mentioned in the essay are correct. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

• Include a header in the top right-hand corner with your name and the name of the program you are applying to. Use a smaller font size for this.

• Take a rough print and show it to someone else who can read it over carefully for errors and anomalies.

• As far as possible, print out your SoP on a separate sheet of paper. Make sure that the printer cartridge is good enough to print clear, crisp copies. Put in a good-quality sheet of white paper. Keep the printed copy carefully in a folder till you are ready to transfer it to the application envelope.

If you must print or write your essay on the application form it, take a photocopy of the form. Print or write the

essay on the copy first, to ensure that it fits easily in the space provided. If it doesn’t, and you don’t have the option of attaching more pages, cut portions of the essay to reduce its length. This is painful, but a much better idea than reducing font size to unreadable levels or using tiny, cramped handwriting – the essay should never cause strain while reading. While writing by hand, use a good pen, write slowly and carefully and if necessary, draw light pencil lines on the form to ensure that your letters are uniform and in a straight line.

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(accepted.com) 1. Writing Your Statement of Purpose for Grad School (accepted.com)

The graduate school statement of purpose is your chance to demonstrate your unique qualifications for and commitment to your chosen field by discussing those experiences, people, and events that compelled you to pursue it.

That's a lot to accomplish--especially in the typical two-to-three pages allowed for your statement. You can find

the key to success by focusing on a few illustrative incidents as opposed to giving a superficial overview. Remember: Detail, specificity, and concrete examples will make your essay distinctive and interesting. Generalities and platitudes that could apply to every other grad school applicant will bore. If you use them, you'll just blur into one of the crowd.

Following "Ten Do's and Don'ts for Your Statement of Purpose" will help you write a compelling, focused essay,

one that will transform you from a collection of numbers and classes into an interesting human being. 2. Ten Do's and Don'ts for Your Statement of Purpose The Do's:

1. Unite your essay and give it direction with a theme or thesis. The thesis is the main point you want to

communicate. 2. Before you begin writing, choose what you want to discuss and the order in which you want to discuss

it. 3. Use concrete examples from your life experience to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from

other applicants. 4. Write about what interests you, excites you. That's what the admissions staff wants to read. 5. Start your essay with an attention-grabbing lead -- an anecdote, quote, question, or engaging

description of a scene. 6. End your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the lead and restates your thesis. 7. Revise your essay at least three times. 8. In addition to your editing, ask someone else to critique your statement of purpose for you. 9. Proofread your personal statement by reading it out loud or reading it into a tape recorder and playing

back the tape. 10. Write clearly, succinctly.

The Don'ts:

1. Don't include information that doesn't support your thesis. 2. Don't start your essay with "I was born in...," or "My parents came from..." 3. Don't write an autobiography, itinerary, or résumé in prose. 4. Don't try to be a clown (but gentle humor is OK). 5. Don't be afraid to start over if the essay just isn't working or doesn't answer the essay question. 6. Don't try to impress your reader with your vocabulary. 7. Don't rely exclusively on your computer to check your spelling. 8. Don't provide a collection of generic statements and platitudes. 9. Don't give mealy-mouthed, weak excuses for your GPA or test scores. 10. Don't make things up.

So far we've emphasized content, but of course, persuasive writing requires good style, grammar, vocabulary,

usage, etc. You know those nit-picky details that most people prefer not to think about. Well if you prefer to continue not thinking about them or if you don't think you know enough about them to ensure good writing, check out Accepted.com's review and editing service. If you just want a quick brush-up on writing fundamentals, visit Ten Tips for Better Writing.

But wait. Before putting the pieces together, what if you are still not sure how to develop a unifying theme? Or

perhaps you don't know which experiences to focus on, or simply lack confidence in your writing skills, or have suddenly developed an acute case of blank-screen-it is!?!

3. Ten Tips for Better Writing

1. Express yourself in positive language. Say what is, not what is not. 2. Use transitions between paragraphs. Transitions tie one paragraph to the next. A transition can be a word,

like later, furthermore, additionally, or moreover; a phrase like: After this incident...; or an entire

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sentence. If you are writing about Topic A and now want to discuss Topic B, you can begin the new paragraph with a transition such as "Like (or unlike) Topic A, Topic B..."

3. Vary your sentence structure. It’s boring to see subject, verb, and object all the time. Mix simple, complex,

and compound sentences. 4. Understand the words you write. You write to communicate, not to impress the admissions staff with your

vocabulary. When you choose a word that means something other than what you intend, you neither communicate nor impress. You do convey the wrong message or convince the admissions officer that you are inarticulate.

5. Look up synonyms in a thesaurus when you use the same word repeatedly. After the DELETE key, the

thesaurus is your best friend. As long as you follow Tip 4, using one will make your writing more interesting.

6. Be succinct. Compare:

During my sophomore and junior years, there was significant development of my maturity and markedly improved self-discipline towards school work. During my sophomore and junior years, I matured and my self-discipline improved tremendously.

The first example takes many more words to give the same information. The admissions officers are swamped; they do not want to spend more time than necessary reading your essay. Say what you have to say in as few words as possible. Tips 7, 8, and 9 will help you to implement this suggestion.

7. Make every word count. Do not repeat yourself. Each sentence and every word should state something new. 8. Avoid qualifiers such as rather, quite, somewhat, probably, possibly, etc.

You might improve your writing somewhat if you sometimes try to follow this suggestion. The example contains nonsense. Deleting unnecessary qualifiers will strengthen your writing 1000%.

Equivocating reveals a lack of confidence. If you do not believe what you write, why should the admissions officer?

9. Use the active voice. Compare:

The application was sent by the student. (Passive voice) The student sent the application. (Active voice)

They both communicate the same information. The active voice, however, is more concise; it specifies who is performing the action and what the object is. The passive voice is wordier and frequently less clear.

10. Read and reread Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. Containing basic rules of grammar, punctuation, composition, and style, this indispensable classic is available in paperback and is only eighty-five pages long.

Sample Essay 1 (accepted.com) The Environmental Studies Student

Two scenes stand out in my mind from my visit to Brazil’s Wetland: Forests burning before seed planting and trees as hedgerows. Before the planting season, I could see the leafless remnants of burnt trees still standing. The burning of pristine forests destroys both the habitats and countless species which depend on and thrive in these habitats. The few remaining bare, scarred trees silently convey the cost to our natural resources of pursuing our economic interests. Some forests are preserved by government edict issued in response to international pressure. But most of this preservation occurs alongside major roads — not to protect the ecosystem, but to prevent disturbance to ranches and farms along the highways. The clash between economic and environmental concerns that I witnessed in Brazil fascinates me and attracts me to the Environmental Studies Program.

Two courses in my geography department increased my interest in the connection between the environment and economics: Conservation of Underdeveloped Countries and Environmental Impact Analysis. In the former, we studied the problems of natural resource management in developing countries. The balance is always tilted toward economics growth at the expense of environmental preservation. For example, because the Pantanal Wetland could become a highly productive agricultural system once it’s drained, it is drained regardless of the destruction that drainage causes to the ecosystem. Only portions of the wetland are preserved for tourist purposes.

The other course that piqued my interest is an interdisciplinary course called Environmental Impact Analysis in which we, as a group, created matrix and flow diagrams discussing the economic and environmental impact of logging and preservation of old growth forests. I was able to use tools that I acquired in my economics and environmental studies classes. In general, logging creates economic benefits at the local level. It increases employment in the timber industry and subsequently in related non-timber industries; it also benefits local government. Yet, it has great deleterious environmental effects: soil erosion, watershed destruction, and a decrease in specie diversity due to loss of habitat. The logging industry represents the classic clash between economic and environmental interests.

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I also took two sequential classes in the economics department that are related to Resource Management — Theories of Growth & Development and Policies for Economic Development. Because the courses were taught by a professor who is concerned chiefly with economic growth, I learned the standard economic rationalizations for development unrestrained by environmental concerns.

In addition to my interest in resource management policies, I have a specific interest in Geographical Information System (GIS), a powerful tool for natural resource management. After taking several related classes in GIS, I began interning for the National Park Service (NPS). After I learn how to use ARC/INFO, a leading GIS package, I will assist the NPS in constructing projects. Some of my duties include spatial and non-spatial data analysis, digitizing themes such as fire locations, vegetation, wildlife habitats, etc., and tabular and graphical presentation of results. I hope to use the tools I acquire during this internship in my continuing study of our environment.

I would like to study the social and economic factors that influence environmental policy formation. For example, because people worry more about pollution than endangered species, laws and regulations concerning environmental pollution are more numerous and stricter than for bio-diversity. Within the School of Environmental Studies, I have a particular interest in the emphasis: Economics, Policy, and Management. This emphasis deals with how economic factors can create negative externalities, such as pollution, and need to be regulated. This emphasis also tries to consider non-economic values, such as aesthetic pleasure and specie diversity. It also discusses tools like GIS and system analysis that apply to environmental management. Because of my interest in GIS, economics, and environmental studies, this emphasis suits me perfectly. Furthermore, the interdisciplinary approach of the School of Environmental Studies attracts me since it combines social science’s strengths with a knowledge of the natural sciences necessary to protect and preserve the environment.

After completing my masters program, I would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in natural resource management. This degree would enable me to combine a teaching career with advising business and government on natural resource management issues. Teaching college students is more than a one-way channel; I would also learn from their questions like my professors have from mine. In advising business and government, I can help them strike a balance between economic and environmental concerns. GIS will be a useful tool in helping me give them crucial information.

I have enjoyed an interdisciplinary approach in my environmental studies major and become fascinated by the clash between social interests, especially economics, and environmental needs. I pursued an additional major in economics to better understand this conflict. Furthermore, my work for the NPS will train me in the latest techniques in natural resource management. I would like to continue exploring this clash and resource management in the School of Environmental Studies. Ultimately, I would like to teach and work in natural resource management. Ideally, I would like to find ways for allowing development while preventing the burning of beautiful and valuable eco-systems like the Pantanal Wetland.

Sample Essay 2 The Engineering Student

A simple bridge truss was the first structure I ever analyzed. The simple combination of beams that could hold cars, trains, and trucks over long spans of water fascinated me. Having the tools to analyze the loads on the truss further increased my interest in structures. I encountered the bridge in a textbook for my first engineering class.

Knowing that the professor, Mr. John Doe, was a tough teacher, I asked him for the textbook so I could study and get ready for the class over the summer. Just arrived from Belize, I was determined to succeed. In class we learned about forces on simple members and then we put the members together to form a simple truss. At this point I had almost decided that structural engineering was the career for me. From there the class just took off: We went on to frames, distributed loads, considered friction; basically we were incorporating real world considerations into structural members. I loved the practical, problem solving aspects of the field.

At UC my classes were even more advanced. In my analysis and design classes, I especially enjoyed studying steel design because we not only learned the use of the load resistance factor design but also applied that knowledge — I designed a four-story building. The professor was a practicing engineer, and he always related the subject to real life steel structures he had engineered, for example, the SB Medical Center, an all steel building with a base isolated campus. This is the kind of project on which I would like to work, designing the structure and considering how the building will respond to ground motion. After two quarters of structural analysis, I had come as close as possible to analyzing real world structures. Looking back I realize, I had learned great tools for structural analysis, but my "tool box" was still inadequate. I lacked a very important tool: finite element analysis. According to my professor, finite element analysis has revolutionized structural analysis.

Although I liked my classes, my internship experiences really confirmed my interest in structural engineering. While working at Caltrans as a student volunteer, I reviewed computer grading output for streets under construction. The computer suggested numbers for the road grading, and I had to plot the numbers and make sure there were no abrupt grade changes so the water can drain off easily to the sides of the road. It was exciting to know that I was the last checkpoint before the whole project went for approval. It was enjoyable working on something real — Main Street — but I was somewhat disappointed I did not have the chance to work on any structures.

At UC I volunteered through the Student Research Program to work in the geotechnical library. I worked directly with a doctoral student and helped him to develop a geotechnical data base for the local area. I interpreted the data Caltrans had collected and recorded it in a form accessible to the computer and easy to read. It took hours to finish the job, but I enjoyed the precision involved so I did not mind putting in the time. My supervisor liked my work

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so much, he hired me to continue the project during the summer. Working on this project also showed me the importance of soils in determining buildings’ responses to earthquakes and awakened my interest in the response of skyscrapers to seismic stress and movement.

At First Choice U, I plan to enroll in the structural engineering and geomechanics program. In this program I hope to draw on my structural analysis and geotechnical research background as a foundation for studying more advanced concepts. I am particularly interested in researching the ties between the structural engineering, geomechanics, and applied mechanics. I believe research is necessary to acquire data and formulate theories, but it is just as important to know how to apply those theories and use that data in the real world. I hope to be involved in some structurally related research at First Choice U. I am particularly interested in two research facilities: The Structures and Composites Laboratory and the Earthquake Engineering Center.

After completing my degree in engineering and working on engineering projects, I know I want to design structures. That is what has fascinated me since I took Mr. Doe’s class. I also know, however, that designing structures of a complexity that appeals to me requires "more tools in my toolbox." Those I can acquire only by continuing my education. To be competent and competitive I will need a masters degree. After completing my degree, I would like to work for an American engineering consulting firm and engineer complex structures and tall buildings, perhaps focusing on the problems surrounding designing for earthquakes. My long-term goals are to return to Belize and found my own engineering consulting firm there.

Structural engineering will allow me to pursue a career where I can be creatively involved in problem-solving and design functional structures, like the simple truss bridge that initially captivated me in Mr. Doe’s class. My classes, work at Caltrans, and internship in geotechnical engineering have increased my knowledge of and interest in structural engineering since I first looked at the textbook shortly after my arrival in the U.S. A masters degree will give me the up-to-date tools and knowledge to be competitive and competent.

Sample Essay 3 MPH Essay

What if people lived healthier lives, practiced preventive medicine, and took precautions against illness and disease? My days in the physical therapy department often made me think about the prevention of injuries as well as the injuries themselves. I was already doubting my future career choice as a physical therapist. Although I loved the science of it and helping people, the lack of variety within the field and its limited options for growth bothered me. I needed a career that helped a large number of people, emphasized prevention and primary care rather than tertiary care, and would continually challenge and motivate me to improve. Knowing that I really did not want to pursue physical therapy as I had originally planned, my thoughts wandered to the area of public health, particularly health management.

My first true introduction to the public health arena came in a class offered through the Big U School of Public Health. As I listened to experts speak about contemporary health issues, I was intrigued. The world of "capitation," "rationing of care," and Medicaid fascinated me as I saw the range of problems that public health professionals were trying to solve in innovative ways. This one semester class provided me with a basic but thorough understanding of the issues faced in health care today. In the last two years I have continued to learn about public health both through coursework and work in the field.

Because field experience is such a valuable learning tool, I searched for a research assistant position that would allow me to view public health at a different level. I worked on a project at a county health clinic in Englewood, a low-income, minority community. The program attempted to increase treatment compliance rates for adolescents diagnosed with tuberculosis who must complete a six-month medical program. Working for the county exposed me to a different side of health care that I had previously seen. Service and organization were not assets of the county and yet its role in the public health "ecosystem" was and is critical. Its job of immunizing thousands and interacting with all members of the community is often forgotten, but is important for keeping an entire community healthy.

My work at the county health clinic as well as my knowledge of some areas of public health led me to accept an internship in Washington D.C. this past summer. The internship provided me with a greater understanding of a federal public health agency’s operations and allowed me to contribute in a variety of ways to the XYZ Department in which I worked. Most importantly I worked on "policy issues" which involved identifying and summarizing problems that were out of the ordinary as well as documenting resolved issues in order to establish protocols to increase the department’s efficiency. In addition I served on a scientific review panel which was responsible for editing a seventy-page proposed regulation before its submission.

Along with my duties at XYZ, I attended seminars and met with public health leaders at different functions and events. All these activities confirmed my growing interest in preventive medicine, outcomes and effectiveness, and quality of care, particularly within the private/managed care sector. These are my strongest interests because I believe they are fundamental to our nation’s health. We must achieve efficiency and access without sacrificing quality.

The University of ____ would help me achieve my goals of furthering my public health education through the specialize coursework offered as part of its health administration program. [The client provides specifics here about the program’s specific appeal and strengths]

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Since rejecting physical therapy as a career possibility my interest in public health has only grown. I welcome the challenge of serving a large community and participating in such a dynamic and challenging field. What if an aspirin a day could prevent heart attacks? What if abandoning unnecessary procedures saved thousands of dollars, which then allowed a hospital to treat other patients needing care? What if every person was guaranteed care and that care was good? I would like to find answers for these questions during my career as a public health graduate student and professional.

ESSAY 1

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING

My decision to pursue graduate study in the United States is underscored by my desire to be a part of the graduate program at your institution. Purdue University offers the flexibility needed for such a vast and rapidly changing field. The research facilities and the faculty at the university are par excellent.

Review para1

Communications is an industry that has changed our lives. In a very short period it has changed the way we have looked at things since centuries. It is one industry that is going to shape our future for centuries to come. Hence my desire to do master in electrical engineering with communications as my major.

Review para2

My interest in electronics blossomed during my high school years. It was the time when technology had begun to make an impact on the lives of people in India. Hence engineering with electronics as my major was the first choice for my undergraduate studies. Right since the beginning of my undergraduate study electronics is a subject that has fascinated me with its power of applications. The subjects that I have studied include Linear Electronics, Digital Electronics. These laid the foundation for my courses in Electronic Communication & Communication Systems at a later stage. My undergraduate studies already focus on the communications aspect of electronics. A master’s degree in electrical engineering with communications as major field is the next logical step.

Review para3

For the past four months I have been working as a project trainee at the Indian Institute for Advanced Electronics. I am working on the design and development of a "PC Controlled Digital Serial Data Generator". This short stint has given me invaluable practical experience. It has given me the confidence to pursue a master’s degree and also kindled a desire to do research.

Review para4

During the course of my work at IIAE, I have come across several scientists. Most of them work in different areas of communications. Interactions with them have made me realize the vastness and the scope of communications. My discussions with them convinced me that specializing in communications will suit me very well.

Review para5

The subject of research which interests me very much is spread spectrum communication systems. Coding theory and combinations is another research subject which arouses my curiosity. The subject Communication Theory which I am studying at present introduces these topics in theory. I am eager to find out more about the applications of coding theory to spread spectrum communication systems.

Review para6

In addition I have been a student member of the IEEE (Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, Inc.) for the past three years. Through its workshops/seminars and publications like the 'The Spectrum' it has exposed me to a lot of emerging technologies in the field of communications.

Review para7

It is a strong belief in my family that the American education system has the best to offer in the whole world. This belief arises out of the experience that my parents had when they did their Masters of Science in the University of Pennsylvania during the years 1967-69. If I can get an opportunity to be a part of that intellectually stimulating environment, I am sure my talents will be put to optimal use.

Review para8

India is a developing country with an enormous potential in the information technology business. To serve the needs of this developing industry and more important its vast population, communications is going to become of utmost importance. Thus conditions here are very conducive to supplement my aspirations when I return after completing my graduate studies.

Review para9

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REVIEW

1st Paragraph:

While it's accepted wisdom that you have to suck up to the university, doing that in the very first paragraph isn't always seemly. This is something that all applicants should be careful about. Something else that's essential in these personal essays is to sound natural. In this paragraph, 'underscores' and 'par excellent' don't come across too well. This kind of awkward phrasing is best avoided.

2nd Paragraph:

The stunted delivery is perpetuated in this paragraph. Also, the idea behind the first three sentences could have been expressed in just one. Certainly could do with tightening.

3rd Paragraph:

'Have been doing communications, hence want to continue doing communications' seems like a facile point to make. And notice how the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs end on pretty much the same note.

4th & 5th Paragraph:

The essay is considerably strengthened by his being able to convincingly convey his strong grounding in electronics. The 4th and 5th paragraphs mesh in ideas and content, but the essay loses continuity because the project has been spread over two paragraphs. A project is generally a golden opportunity to convey personal growth, an issue whose importance cannot be understated. An applicant could do well to focus on how she grew as a result of her experiences. A project is perfect in this sense because it can be used to convey both personal and technical growth.

6th Paragraph:

It would have been so much better if the applicant had put across what it was about 'spread spectrum communication' etc interests him. Remember that it's always prudent to bring out something about your intended major that strikes you personally.

7th Paragraph:

The essay now switches track to biography mode. If this had been placed before the 6th paragraph, the applicant could have possibly quoted something from the magazine that inspired him to take up communications as his major.

8th Paragraph:

The parent’s part comes a bit too late in the essay to carry any relevance. By now, you should be building up to a conclusion and this particular essay is let down by bringing in family history this late.

9th Paragraph:

Once again, in this paragraph you want to round off all the points you've been trying to make so far. Essentially you want to make them want you. By using a phrase like 'conducive to supplement my aspirations' in the essay, the applicant goes to show that we're still in the awkward zone.

Summary:

This essay's brevity is its saving grace. Thankfully, it also gets apparent that the applicant has a strong case to make But the essay fails the 'page preview' test. We generally advise applicants to look at their essay by reducing the size of the text to 50% of normal. Even after you've done this you try and decide what each paragraph stands for and then see if the paragraphs link. As a follow-up to what we've said above, this essay barely has a coherent flow. You'd be able to recognize the interests-biography-project-project-interests-biography-conclusion pattern the essay follows. So while it has a lot of interesting elements, they don't add up in a holistic manner. So we'd say that this essay would be an excellent early draft. With a little more thought and effort, it could have morphed into an extremely effective piece of writing. The moral is that initial drafts need strong follow-up action on your part.

ESSAY 2

MARKETING RESEARCH

Marketing research in India is clearly at a point where it is set to become indispensable if the liberalization of the economy and expansion of consumer choice, which has become palpable in the recent years, is going to continue. With the opening of the Indian economy, the markets have gradually become buyers' markets. In India, market

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research is essentially used as a reactive tool, it is in the static stage; whereas, I feel that MR should serve as a proactive tool, helping corporations optimize their functioning by bringing research into all marketing efforts, by integrating it into the long and short term marketing strategies and by involving the operational staff who actually carry out the work that can use informed research results. Market research often ends up being used as an isolated tool that gives a narrow picture of the past without giving a holistic view and an insight into the future.

Review para1

The need of the hour are MR professionals who are true managers - managers who have to facilitate a radical change in the way market research is looked upon today; very often as an activity done by a separate cell and an end in itself. I see myself, as an MR professional, using research as an actionable tool, incorporating cutting edge methodologies, getting the needed results while saving time and money. I want to turn it into a dynamic instrument, use it to feel the pulse of the market, make probabilistic predictions abut the market through sophisticated tools and ultimately get involved in product innovation and strategic planning.

Review para2

To achieve this, I would like to gain exposure to the latest practices adopted by the trend makers in the field of market research and information systems. To this end, I would probably want to work with a leading international market research firm that would enable me to help corporations leverage their focus. I would like to bring this acquired expertise back to India, and use it to help companies to grow in the stiffly competitive market. I see market research as a sensitive and flexible instrument to be applied with insight, imagination and creativity.

Review para3

Working at Centennial Cotex and then later at NMC Corp as a part-time associate intern led me to realize the importance of market research to a company. At Centennial Cotex, I was part of a cross-functional team that helped the firm shift its focus to the handicraft market where such coarse fabric was a good alternative. It is here that I gained wide exposure to the SPSS software and other tools of research design. At NMC, I have worked as an efficient and effective coordinator throughout research processes and work directly with numerous researchers on a wide variety of projects. I have experience in research design, questionnaire development, analysis, writing and interpreting results and a range of quantitative and qualitative methods. I am proud to say that I am an enthusiastic individual with good people skills and enjoy working as a team player in a multi-task environment across department lines and organizational levels.

Review para4

The ability to work in a fast paced setting with time sensitive jobs made my summer internship at Pepsi a further step to learning. I was a part of a number of marketing promotions of the company on a local scale. My project on customer research on a key stock keeping unit required consumer profiling and a high degree of qualitative analysis through a study of buyer behavior using research tools like focus group interviews and perceptual mapping. Based on this study, I have planned and implemented marketing promotions to capture the home segment, within given budget constraints. At Cadence, one of the leading pharmaceutical firms in India, I had carried out a pre-launch survey based study for an antioxidant brand that helped the company identify its target segments.

Review para5

Apart from these, working on various school projects has given me varied experience on the basis of which I have decided that MR is where I would like to base my future. A career in MR would give me an opportunity to work across boundaries of industry definitions with a number of industries ranging from consumer goods to innovative communication and high tech markets

Review para6

I possess a broad-based management education. But, in order to attain what I am aiming for, I believe that I require a sharply defined and focused course in marketing research. The expertise to analyze the marketing as well as the strategic problems faced by companies and implement corresponding solutions is what I want. An international exposure coupled with the immense opportunity in the Indian marketplace will help in breaking new ground in Indian marketing research.

Review para7

I want to attend University Of Maryland's Master of Marketing Research program for several reasons. The focused structure of the course will help me concentrate and work towards the attainment of my career goals. The internship provided within the MMR course work would help me gain exposure, insight, knowledge and hands-on experience with real time work environment. I am impressed with the quality of education provided by the university in terms of the well-structured curriculum and the recognized faculty. I look forward to shaping my career in the halls of University Of Maryland.

Review para8

REVIEW

Paragraph 1:

Reasonably good introduction sets the stage for why she would consider doing marketing research. Observation about local practices is not apparent whether she's speaking from personal experience or research. If she can't back it up later, could prove dangerous.

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Paragraph 2:

Defines her role in the future of the industry. Note the use of buzzwords. While overkill is harmful, is important to show that one knows what one is talking about. She's possibly going overboard with technicalities here. Non-MR Person may not find this as appealing. She's also asserting her personal long-term goals within this framework

Paragraph 3:

More about personal goals. Also notice that she's talking about what she thinks the college will offer her

Paragraph 4:

Some resume details may be unnecessary. But well tempered with the part about what she can offer the college The fact that she has managerial skills also comes across well.

Paragraph 5:

Note how she has played up MNC experience over that of local companies, but is now focusing on her MR skills.

Paragraph 6:

Has built up a substantial argument to support her going for MR as a career. Also has exhibited savvy by talking about need to carry over MR to high tech markets.

Paragraph 7:

Final conclusion on skill that she already has and the ones she's looking for. This is a good strategy, since you seem to know what you're looking for in your higher education.

Paragraph 8:

Has pointed out unique aspects of the program that appeal to her. has thus shown that she's taken care to read their brochure/ get in touch with seniors.

Summary

has pretty much all the elements of a good application essay. the author would probably admit that they dont' always mesh too well. flow is definitely a problem. what she's done well is that she's consistent in style. the essay does come across as hard-hitting while not be overbearing. the paragraphs could do with some reworking. we prefer that each paragraph say something unique on it's own. her career goals etc get spread out over many paragraphs, losing some coherence along the way. she has also put across that she's been proficient with what she's learnt so far. this candidate was moving from a purely business environment (an mba), to a more specialised field (MR). while it's necessary that she shows how strongly she feels about MR, it's absolutely crucial that her competence in management comes across.

ESSAY 3

Business Mgmt

I am applying for admission to the Ph.D. program in Business Administration because I want a career in the research and teaching of management. In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance of a business concern, and the manner in which changes in technology affect an organization’s structure, long-term business strategy, product development, manufacturing, supply chains, distribution network, information needs and standard systems. In order to gain an appreciation of these and related issues, it is essential for me to have a strong grounding in Economics, Supply Chain Management, and issues connected with Information Technology, as well as gain a General Management perspective.

Review para1

I believe that the Ph.D. program in Business Administration (with concentration in Management) would be invaluable in helping me achieve these objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills in analyzing business issues and would open up new avenues in research. Subsequent to earning a Ph.D., I would like to apply for a faculty position at a leading university; and investigate issues concerned with technology as it affects organization strategy, structure and systems.

Review para2

I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found research fascinating since my engineering days, where I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-year undergraduate dissertation; and was judged to have presented the best paper at a Departmental seminar. My four years of engineering education have provided me with a strong grounding in mathematics (I stood first in my Department for each of the four Math papers) and the theoretical aspects of technology.

Review para3

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I joined ABC Business School in order to broaden my perspective and to improve my career prospects. Economics and psychology - subjects new to me - were interesting, and I enjoyed applying quantitative and conceptual skills to analyze business problems. I did very well in projects, desk research, workshops and class discussion; although academically I did not perform to my satisfaction (I finished with a GPA of 2.91, partly due to health reasons). I was voted as one of the ten most promising students in my batch, and received a national-level award for the best business school project, awarded by the Institute of Management Consultants of India. This was for a summer project, entitled "Formulation and Implementation of a Marketing Strategy for Handicrafts, a unit of the Special Person’s Association".

Review para4

Upon graduating from business school I was offered a job with AZ & Co., a management consulting firm which ranks as among India’s largest. This is where I learned how to apply the principles and lessons of management to real life. It was fascinating; and transformed my interest in management research into a passion. I read extensively, trying to keep myself informed about management thinking in my areas of work - structure and systems in an industry and organization, industrial marketing and strategy.

Review para5

I have learnt a lot on my present job. With the rest of my team, I have analyzed markets and examined supply and distribution networks for such diverse products and industries as bulk chemicals, fresh fruit exports, toys, packaging machinery, retailing, adhesives, diamonds and pharmaceuticals. I have helped formulate entry strategies, plans for expansion and diversification; and also company business plans. As part of a team, I have carried out preliminary feasibility studies; compared technology options; suggested to the Forex Bank of India, a plan for improving the export competitiveness of India's Chemicals Sector; and studied government schemes for their efficacy. I have studied in detail the organization structure and systems for one of India's largest manufacturers of automobiles and helped in the restructuring of the company as well as the redesigning of their new systems.

Review para6

These assignments have involved interaction with people at all levels of the value chain, and at organizational levels from the Chairman of a $ 200 million firm to a packing clerk earning $1 daily. They have given me the opportunity to interview a number of policy makers, industry analysts and economists in an effort to understand the functioning of, and important issues connected with, each of these industries.

Review para7

All this has given me valuable insights into the environment in which companies operate - how they affect this environment and are affected by it. It has enabled me to observe some of the better and worse ways of running a business. Certain assignments have been thought provoking; my most recent assignment, on the redesigning of a company's structure and systems, helped me understand the necessity of good organization structures, and appreciate the significance of systems that work well. A study on the export competitiveness of India's chemicals sector brought home to me the importance of technology in determining a company's or industry's competitiveness. An assignment involving the evaluation of an air freight subsidy scheme for exporters of fresh fruits raised fundamental questions in my mind about the efficacy of subsidies in improving the competitiveness of an industrial sector, and encouraged me to look at more lasting measures instead.

Review para8

The time limitation on each assignment has taught me to plan well, work systematically and keep my reports up-to-date. At the same time, having to defend my analyses and recommendations, during both internal discussions and presentations to clients, has taught me to think rigorously and creatively. Our extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing and presentation packages.

Review para9

While the highly diverse nature of assignments has helped me gain a broad exposure to Indian industry, it has not been possible for me to study specific business and technology - related issues in depth. I realize that in order to be able to do so, I need a better understanding of the various facets of management; the interlink ages between different functional areas and between different business entities. Equally important, I need further training in research methodology.

Review para10

I want to do a Ph.D. at the College of Business, XYZ University for many reasons. I have heard about XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration from my business school professors and am impressed with the emphasis placed on technical and analytical skills, general management orientation and rigorous research methodology. The School's strengths in supply chain management and information management are commensurate with my research interests. The faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions.

Review para11

While the study of and research in management is my prime objective today, my interests in literature, music, travel and nature help me maintain a sense of perspective in life. I like to write and have had some articles published in Indian newspapers. I have organized and participated in a number of extra-curricular activities during my college days and have won university and national level prizes in debating, writing and quizzes. I also believe that each of us must give something back to society - to this end, I have worked on a voluntary basis for the Hunger Project for a year; as a teacher and counselor to physically and mentally handicapped children for three years; and as a reader to

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blind students. Today, I contribute to a local organization that focuses on the environment of my hometown, Allahabad.

Review para12

I hope that the admissions committee finds my background and strengths commensurate with the requirements of XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration.

Review para13

REVIEW

1st Paragraph:

If you can capture your ambitions in a few words, this is the sort of beginning you want to shoot for. Far too many essays begin with clichéd sayings or throwbacks to the author’s childhood. However the pitch does get a bit queered in the next line. There are a few words about ‘factors that affect …’ and then an extremely long spiel about ‘changes in technology affect’ absolutely everything there is about an organization. You don’t have to be a business major to understand that things get a bit confusing since these unrelated ideas are presented in the same line. This results in things coming across in a rather unbalanced manner.

2nd paragraph:

Notice how strongly this paragraph follows up on her avowed career goals illustrated in the first line of the essay. The line about '...enable... to channel ... quantitative ... ' will need some strong backing up later, if it isn't to sound pretentious.

3rd Paragraph:

This is a discreet way of getting in the details of one's academic career that otherwise deserve to be on a resume. Far too many applicants like to quote their achievements without explaining how it will affect their careers. If you're not tactful about it, it could sound a bit vain.

4th Paragraph:

The award-winning project is rich with unfulfilled promise. Schools are on the lookout for applicants who have contributed to society and a line about how the voluntary sector also needs modern management techniques (or even a contrarians view - corporate needing to learn from NGO's) would add some value.

The explanation for a poor GPA is unwarranted. Such issues could be dealt with in a brief note accompanying the application package. Here, it merely serves to offset the otherwise upbeat tone.

5th Paragraph:

Applicants could do well to consult a style-guide when attempting to be grammatically adventurous. For instance, '...fascinating; and ...' doesn't really gel. Also, notice how things get personal here - 'interest ... into a passion' runs the risk of sounding clichéd, but works nevertheless.

6th Paragraph:

We generally advise applicants to leave most of the hard facts and details for the resume. Here, however, the detailing doesn’t necessarily detract from the essay. It could certainly have been tightened. The diversity of products and industries the author has worked in could have been expressed in fewer words. And there's a minor gaffe when she refers to redesigning of new systems. Once again, this sort of mistake is by no means fatal, but deserves to be eliminated at the editing stage.

7th Paragraph:

These paragraphs justify the details of Paragraph 3. And do so quite well, by the way.

8th Paragraph:

In any field, you want to show how you’ve had unique experiences, and more importantly, how you’ve learnt from them. The author handles this beautifully by listing how she’s interacted with different levels within the corporate hierarchy and how this has shaped her perspective on life. The part about the efficacy of subsidies illustrates that the author is prepared to think on issues. It also plugs in well with current international opinions on subsidies. On the other hand, if you're applying to, say, the Karl Marx University of Cuba, you may want to revise how you express these opinions.

9th Paragraph:

The paragraph does well to spin her experiences in a business perspective. However, essay writers are advised to look out for skills that are generally taken for granted within an industry. Proficiency in basic tools like spreadsheets etc. has been passed for the past few years now. Remember that while such lapses don’t necessarily trash an essay, you don’t want a drop in pace at this stage of the game. This is the sort of sentence that should’ve been dumped at the editing stage.

10th Paragraph:

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This is an ideal way to express what you’re looking for from the University you’re applying to.

11th Paragraph:

While most of the essay has been tightly edited, things get a bit loose around here. Notice the repetition of ‘excellent’ in the last sentence. Also, ‘commensurate’ isn’t used very accurately here.

12th Paragraph:

The references to extra-curricular activities could have been slipped in earlier and more naturally. Coming this late in the essay and the accompanying clichés (each of us … to society) blunts the edge that it would have carried if placed earlier in the essay.

13th Paragraph:

This paragraph would’ve had a stronger impact if the author had dumped the previous one. Also, we believe it’d be a better strategy to link up your talents and suitability for the university with their need for students who will enhance the diversity and experience of the entire incoming class. It’s like a job interview – they shouldn't get the feeling that theirs is the only game in town as far as you are concerned. So a brief mention about how they need you too wouldn’t hurt at this stage.

Summary

This essay surely makes a strong case for the applicant. We’d like to believe that this essay sets a lot of good examples that other applicants could follow.

All the I’s and me’s lend it a personal touch. ‘for me’, ‘I believe’, ‘enable me’, ‘I would like’ : these are terms that all personal statement writers should use profusely - especially when you’re rattling off a bunch of buzzwords. It doesn’t take much for the reader to start believing that the lines have been lifted from a trade magazine, so making everything seem personally relevant is the key. This is merely a palliative, however. You have to back this up with some credible experience. If it seems like you’ve spent your entire life doing nothing much but watch television, saying ‘it’s my experience that employee-empowerment helps an organization leverage core competencies’ won’t convince anyone.

This essay also illustrates how you need to present yourself in an all-round light, especially when you’re applying for management courses. It pays to stay in touch with the prevailing ethos that schools believe in. While many of us may have had socially relevant experiences, it takes a certain savvy to highlight them while applying to schools that care.

ESSAY 4

MBA

Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date.

If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.

Review para1

My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.

Review para2

I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.

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Review para3

During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touching with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.

Review para4

I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.

Review para5

Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated.

Review para6

Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading. To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to be a tacit compliment for my efforts.

Review para7

This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my confidence in my abilities.

Review para8

REVIEW

Paragraph 1:

A good introductory paragraph. This summarizes the next couple of paragraphs and also has a certain intriguing appeal - it arouses the reader's curiosity and impels him to read further. The first sentence, however, could easily have been dropped - the second sentence would make a more compelling introduction to the essay.

Paragraph 2:

Here the writer develops on the thread of diversity. Note that there is an emphasis on aspects that are important to an MBA course (strong analytical skills, math skills, work experience). The writer shows effectively that she has not been 'wasting her time' - besides earning a degree, she has earned valuable work experience and done something for the environment. Volunteer work is a strong advantage while applying to an MBA course - universities love people with a social conscience! (To a lesser degree, this is true if you're applying to other graduate courses as well, as long as you show that your primary interest, now and in the future, is in the field you are applying to). At the same time, it is important that this experience appears genuine - so before making tall claims, make sure that you can substantiate them, preferably by actually doing some volunteer / social work. The last sentence ties the paragraph together. The argument 'my experiences have shaped me' is invaluable IF you have strong or unusual life experiences and in some cases can also partially compensate for an average or below-average academic record.

Paragraph 3:

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We come to a shift in focus with this paragraph. The writer wraps up the 'diversity' thread well. Saying that she has a diversity of experience to offer, 'among other things', is a good idea - it implies that there is much more to her, qualities and assets that could not be described here because of space limitations. It might have been a better idea to begin the next topic - 'most important achievement' in a new paragraph. The abrupt change of subject has a slightly disconcerting effect here.

Paragraph 4:

While this paragraph is ostensibly an introduction to the problem handled by the writer, it also makes two points, subtly:

1. She had been working in the family firm on a continuous basis and kept her eyes open to spot an area of improvement,

2. She is familiar with popular software packages and very comfortable with a PC.

Paragraph 5:

The first sentence risks sounding slightly pompous, but the writer's earnestness comes through after reading the paragraph as a whole.

Paragraph 6:

Comes across as systematic, organized and thorough. Good qualities for any graduate applicant.

Paragraph 7:

This paragraph shows considerable maturity and learning from the event. A problem is not solved when you have a solution for it - implementing the solution is usually the biggest hurdle. Also, she realizes that company-wide changes rarely yield instant results, and must be followed up over a period of time to evaluate their effects. The last two sentences show that this project also had an effect on the company management's thinking.

Paragraph 8:

Reflective paragraph on what she has gained from the project. She certainly seems to have been the driving force behind the project and it's an impressive achievement. It might have been a good idea, though, to put in a line or two about how she learned to co-ordinate between various entities to get her job done. Good ending paragraph.

Summary

This is a mature, well-written application essay. Some of the ideas here are gold mines for other essays - describing how she founding and helping run FOE could be a whole essay by itself, and can be used to show how she used leadership and team skills (see Essay 5 - coming soon). Her experience in assisting in the implementation of an ERP system can also be used as an example of team skills and project management skills. MBA applicants have to write a number of essays for each school. It helps to have a bank of experiences to draw on. Writing a series of essays also means that you can afford to have a limited scope for each essay, and go a little deeper. We do feel, however, that this essay was a tad too limited on the 'candid description' of the writer. Diversity of experiences is an excellent point to make, but one more paragraph on other aspects of the writer's personality would have strengthened the essay.

Each application essay should answer the question asked in full. Note, however, that this writer says nothing about any liabilities that might influence graduate work. We have a tricky issue here - must you mention some liabilities just because the question asks for them? Here the writer chooses to ignore them and concentrates on qualities that will be an asset for graduate work. It might have paid off in this case because the essay basically asks, 'How well are you suited for graduate work'. In an essay question of the type, 'Discuss your strengths and weaknesses' such a strategy would not work. Nevertheless, it's a tough choice to make

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