SPEC COMMUNITY_Advance Wager Studies

7/29/2019 SPEC COMMUNITY_Advance Wager Studies

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Advanced Wager Studies

Written by

Ben Morrison


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COMMUNITY

EPISODE #104

CAST LIST

JEFFJOEL MCHALE

PIERCECHEVY CHASE

BRITTAGILLIAN JACOBS

SHIRLEYYVETTE NICOLE BROWN

ABEDDANNY PUDI

ANNIEALISON BRIE

TROYDONALD GLOVER

SENOR CHANGKENJEONG


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SET LIST

INTERIORS

STUDY ROOM

EXTERIORS

CHURCH PARKING LOT


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COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM MORNING (DAY 1)

ABED, PIERCE, SHIRLEY, ANNIE are hanging out. Shirley isexplaining something to the group when JEFF and BRITTA walkin arguing about something.

JEFF(looks slyly at Britta)

So, youre not going to tell them then?

BRITTA(Mock laughter)

Oh, ha-ha. I wast even serious.

SHIRLEYSerious about what?

PIERCEAh, back to the old booby call phase I see.

BRITTAOld?

TROY(to himself, smiling)

Boobies.

JEFFWhat? No. Thats not even...

(regroups himself)I bet Britta fifty bucks that on her way her

she couldnt go the whole time withoutonce mentioning her independence.

(holding up 50 dollars)and since I won, were...

PIERCE(interrupting)

GOING TO A STRIP CLUB.(smiling as if he was apart of it)

SHIRLEYLord have mercy.


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ANNIEEww Pierce! Thats someones daughter!

PIERCEYes, role play. I love role play.

*or[Yes they will do role play but from myexperience its not worth the price.]

JEFF(disgusted)

No. We are going to do more betting. Andplease dont even talk about that ever again.

SHIRLEY(holding donation can out)

I bet Jesus would love a donation.

BRITTA(to JEFF)

I bet I could kick your ass!

Troy enters the room behind JEFF.

TROY(excitedly)

Guess what I just found!

ABED(sarcastically)

Twelve million dollars.

Group waits anxiously looking at TROY.

TROYDude, how do you know everything?

ABEDI dont. Jeff was teaching me sarcasm again.

(finger shoots Jeff)

JEFF(looking over his shoulder)

Twelve million dollars? Let me see that.

JEFF takes check from TROY. TROY sits down.


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ABED(out loud to himself, about JEFF)

Now thats sarcasm.

BRITTA looks on with JEFF.

BRITTA(to TROY)

Troy, this is twelve hundred dollars.Thats a period. And theres not evenEnough zeros after it to be a million.

We see TROY zipping up his hooded sweatshirt defeated. Thered shirt on underneath reads TWELVE MILLION DOLLAR BABY.

ANNIEYou should see who it belongs to.

JEFFIt says a Mr. Jack Esus. All it says on thememo line is use for something good.

SHIRLEYIm sure hed think a donation was good.

DEAN(over the intercom)

Good morning Greendale students.Whoevers car is smashed into a the Luis Guzman

statue outside needs to move it by thisafternoon or it will be towed. Toodles.

Group looks at PIERCE

PIERCE(laughs)

I got into a bit of an accident this morning,its no biggie.

(changes focus to TROY)My what a lovely haircut Shirley, did you

get it just to impress me?And youre sitting next to me? Im flattered.

SHIRLEY(sassy)

Im over here, dumb ass.


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PIERCEBoy that stripper sure has some mouth on her.

SHIRLEY(appalled)

Im not a stripper!

PIERCEThen why do you keep asking for money?

JEFF(holding check)

Alright Britta, you want another bet?

I bet you twelve hundred dollars...

TROY(defeated even more)

I was going to buy a robot puppy.

ANNIEThat isnt even your money.

JEFF(continuing)(stands up)

...that we can beat you in a game of poker.If the boys win, we get to go gamble, or go to

a strip club, if Pierce doesnt come, ordo anything we damn well please with the money.

BRITTA(stands up quickly, their eyes never unlock)

And if we win, the money goes to Shirleys charity.

SHIRLEYOh, thats nice.

ANNIEHell yeah!

(then smiles innocently)

TROY(crying for his fictional dog)

Robo-woofers.

FADE OUT

END OF COLD OPEN


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ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM LATER (DAY 1)

PAN TO JEFF AND BRITTA MEETING OUTSIDE DOOR TO ROOM.

JEFFReady for the boom, Heidi Klum?

BRITTA(flustered)

Is that your idea of smack,... shaq... attack?Im sorry Heidi Klum? Elisabeth Shue maybe but...

(trailing off)Okay seriously, I need to talk to you.

TROY and ABED interrupt. ABED is holding a fake camera withhis hands and TROY is his field reporter.

TROY(field reporter voice)

Troy T-Bone Barnes reporting live from GreendaleCollege with the hottest rivalry since...

ABED(interrupting)

Your in the shot.

TROY (CONTD)Oh.

(moving)The tension between these two has been nothing

short of extraordinary ever since thisun-famous Heidi Klum impersonator...

BRITTA

(negatively reacting)What is this?

TROY (CONTD)...and Jeff The Main Fling Winger

(ABED and TROY point at JEFF)set up a poker game that I can only

imagine will send someone home in tears.


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TROY (CONTD)Lets take a look.

TROY focuses fake microphone towards JEFF and BRITTA.

JEFF(leans in towards BRITTA)

(sniffs twice)Smell that? Smells like fear.

BRITTA(starts walking into room)

Actually its coconut wing-wad.

TROY(into ABEDs camera)

Well be reporting more as this juicy story unfolds.

CUT TO STUDY ROOM. STUDY ROOM IS NOW DECORATED WITH A MOREGAMBLING/POKER FEEL. INSTEAD OF NORMAL TABLE THERE IS AHALF-CIRCLE TABLE WITH SEVEN CHAIRS AND DIM LIGHTS.

Everyone is seated except JEFF. JEFF takes the far leftseat. From left to right around the crescent shaped tableis JEFF, ANNIE, SHIRLEY, PIERCE, TROY, ABED, BRITTA.

SR. CHANG is the dealer. He is on the opposite side of thetable.

SHIRLEY is wearing a worn out sweater with J.E S U Scentered on the front. It used to say J.E.S.U.S. but theother periods fell off.

TROY and ABED share a card each. They are playing together,as one hand.

Besides SHIRELY, all characters are in a more classy,gambling attire.

SR. CHANG addresses the group.

SR. CHANG(shuffling cards)

The game is Texas Hold Em. The prizeis twelve hundred big ones. Remember, Isee everything, so if you were going tocheat, you might want to Chang your mind.


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Jeff eye roll.

JEFFAlright, each of us gets $200 dollars...

TROYOf my money.

JEFF (CONTD)In chips. The minimum bet is $10 dollars, so

(looking at SHIRLEY)you have to bet every time.

(whole group)You know the rules. If the girls win...

TROY/PIERCE/CHANG/JEFF

(laughs)/(chokes on cough)/(high pitched laugh)/(smirks)

JEFF (CONTD)The money goes to the church.

ANNIE, SHIRELY, and BRITTA celebrate.

ABEDCool.

JEFF (CONTD)And when I...

(correcting himself)when we win, we get to do(moving closer to BRITTA)

whatever we wantwith it.

ANNIE, SHIRLEY, BRITTA disapprove.

ABEDCool.

SR. CHANG deals out the first set of cards.

JEFF(during first hand)

See the trick of the game is to study.A lot of people study their hand, ortheir cards... I study the people.


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SR. CHANG

(lays down the final card)Looks like Annie wins.

ANNIEWhat was that Jeff? Maybe you should study

some of this.(does an awkward winners dance)

Table reacts accordingly to the burn.

JEFF

Havent you ever heard of beginners luck?

PIERCESame thing my wife said after I

survived my first heart attack.(as if embracing a fond memory)

Ahh, she was a cold, cold bitch.

SR. CHANG hands out the next set of cards.

Abed(a-la a wise poker has-been)

Its an ego like that Jeffrey, thatsdestroyed many a poker career.

JEFFWell than fine, no more tips. No more

Mr. Nice Jeff.

SR. CHANG turns the flop.

BRITTA(mocking JEFF)

Oh-oo no-oo, what are we going to dowithout Mr. Nice Jeff? Who will show us

how to lay down cards on a table?

JEFF(slams $50 in chips on table)

Okay then. I raise 50.(stares at BRITTA)


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BRITTA(intensely)I call.

The rest of the group folds, except for TROY.

TROYCall.

Everyone looks at TROY.

TROYWhat?

ABEDThis is usually the part in the episode wherethe two main characters fighting square off

and establish who has the upper hand and whois the under-dog.

SR. CHANG lays down the river. There is a Queen and a 10 inthe community cards.

TROY(lays down a queen and a ten)

Well you better get me a bigger fruit basket,cuz Im packing two pares yall.

JEFF(lays two queens)

Wow. Bringing two ladies to the party. Nice.But as you may and should have learned from

my on going, overly exploited sexual activityon this campus...

PIERCEI am hearing that.

(looks around for confirmation)

JEFF (CONTD)

I always bring three ladies to the party.(lays down two Queens)

(obnoxiously)Britta?

PIERCEAnd Annie? And Shirley?


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BRITTA

(lays 9,3)Ugh, nothing.

SR. CHANG(high fives JEFF)

Winger wins.

Whole group shows disgust with JEFF winning.

TROYDangit.

ABED(still old has-been)

Well get em next time T-Bone.

TROYI just cant believe I used my most nutritious line

on a losing hand. Im so stupid.

SR. CHANG deals the third round of cards.

PIERCE(one of his cards flipped the wrong way)

Ive never seen this card before.Are angels wild?

JEFFYour holding your cards the wrong way.

PIERCEOh.

(flips the card the opposite way)Oh, even better. Put me down for 8 nickels worth.

JEFFThose are ten dollar chips, Pierce.

PIERCE(defensively)

And thats a five dollar haircut you jag.(throws in 8 chips)

JEFF, BRITTA and TROY/ABED fold.


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SHIRELY / ANNIEI call. / Call.

SHIRLEY puts chips on the table.

SHIRLEY(politely)

Annie, only one of us needs to beatPierce, sweetie.

ANNIE(putting chips in)

Yes, only one of us does, sweetie.

BRITTALadies, we are on the same team.

ANNIE and SHIRELY groan.

JEFF(mocking BRITTA)

Were on the same team.

BRITTAShut it Jeff.

ABEDCards is war... disguised as a sport.

(spits off to the side)

SR. CHANG lays down the river card. There is a King and Acein the community cards.

ANNIEWell Im going into this war,

guns-a-blazin.

ANNIE lays down a King and 3.

SHIRLEY lays down an Ace and Jack.

SHIRLEY(sassy)

Guns aint no match for the power of Jesus.


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PIERCEHey Shirley, do you think Jesus was athletic?I mean, he must have been good at basketball

with all that hang time.

PIERCE laughs to himself while everyone is silent.

PIERCEGet it? Because he...

SHIRLEYOh no I get it.

PIERCE(quietly to TROY)

Sheesh, who drank all her kool-aid.

ANNIE(anxiously)

Just lay the cards Pierce!

PIERCE wins with a straight. Both women react upset.

ANNIE is now on edge. Since winning the first hand she isstarting to show signs of withdrawal.

SR. CHANG hands out fourth hand of cards.

Everyone has stayed through the flop.

ANNIE impatiently explodes.

ANNIEAll in!

SR. CHANGAhh, now things are getting interesting.

Everyone takes a second to look around and at her. Everyonebut TROY and ABED fold.

ABED(to TROY)Sidebar?

TROYSidebar.

TROY and ABED enter a sidebar, backs turned to group.


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ABED

What are you thinking?

TROYWhy do you always get to hold all

of the masculine cards?(switch cards)

TROY (CONTD)Thanks. As far as Annie, Im scared.

ABED

(motivational)With those big, blue eyes, soft pouty lips,

and two plump, firm... hands graspingthose cards, she could get anyone to

believe her. Anyone but you. You know highschool Annie. High school Annie couldnt tell

a lie if it got her three A+s anda granola bar.

TROYI dont know Abed. Her mouth is foaming.

ABED(snaps out of character)

Look.She always taps her finger when shes bluffing.

TROY immediately turns to group.

TROYAll in.

The group reacts. SR. CHANG turns the river card in slow-motion.

TROYI can taste my heartbeat.

ABED, back in character, blows a kiss to ANNIE. Sheblushes.

The final card is a 6, giving TROY and ABED a full house.


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TROYCall us Danny Tanner and Uncle Jesse

cuz we gotta full house.

ANNIENOOOOOOOOO!

ANNIE storms off.

ABEDShould have went with Olsen twins.

SR. CHANG deals the next set of cards.

SR. CHANGOne down, five to go. Innie-meanie-minie-mo.

(pointing at Shirley)

SHIRLEY(sassy)

And why are you pointing at me?

SR. CHANG(nervously trying to smooth things over)

Uh, I was pointing out who is going to win.

SHIRLEYGood. I need this.(correcting herself)

I mean, my parish needs this.

Forward to SR.CHANG laying final card. Everyone is playing.JEFF wins the hand.

JEFF(leaning towards BRITTA)

Looks like I win again, Britta.

BRITTA(leaning towards JEFF)

Ever heard of douche bags luck?

SHIRLEY has lost all of her chips. SHIRLEY stands up.

SHIRLEYWell, I guess Ill go to the fundraiser. Will

I see you all there?


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GROUPOf course.

Everyone in the group politely says good-bye to SHIRLEY andANNIE as they EXIT the room. Have a good one. DriveSafe. As soon as they exit it gets intense again.

JEFF (to BRITTA)(resumes leaning towards BRITTA)

(SR. CHANG is in the middle staring at them)Mighty lonely for a girl all by herself.

BRITTA

The reflection off your head is so loud, I canteven hear what your saying.

TROY

Its like super bright.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE


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ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. POKER ROOM A FEW HANDS LATER

JEFF, TROY, ABED, and BRITTA are mid-hand. PIERCE hasfolded.

JEFF(eyes locked on BRITTA)

Troy, I see what your trying to do, but stand

down. Ive got this.

TROY(looks to ABED, looks at JEFF)

No, I got this.

JEFF(breaks lock from BRITTA)

What?

TROYYoure always bossing me around. You took my money.

SR. CHANGSenior Esus money.

TROY (CONTD)You took my dog.

ABEDImaginary dog.

TROY (CONTD)You took my girl!

JEFF(looks puzzled)

What now?

TROY(at the tipping-point)

It was just for dramatic effect but now Imrolling with it.(deep breathe)

Prepare to meet your ma-doom.


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JEFF

Ma-dmoom?

PIERCE(nodding)

Thats slang for cats tits.

TROYI wasnt sure whether maker or doom was

gunna sound better.

JEFF

Yeah, I mean it works either way. Good speech.

TROYThanks. I was going for a mixture between

Coach Carter and Beethovens Fifth Symphony.

SR. CHANG flips card onto camera.

CUT TO PICNIC/GATHERING OUTSIDE CHURCH.

SHIRLEY and ANNIE are sitting at a card table, foldingJ.E.S.U.S. t-shirts that they are selling.

ANNIEListen, Im sorry I lost it back there.I just got caught up in the moment.

SHIRLEYOh me too. I never want something like that

to get in between us again.

ANNIEI mean, I dont want to be nosey or anything,

but Im sure you will find better waysto settle your money problems.

SHIRLEY

(Handing t-shirt to customer)Money problems? Andre and I are doing just

fine. In fact, things have never been better.

ANNIE(confused)

But it seemed like you were so worried back there.


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SHIRELYHoney, its not about that.

ANNIEOh, so then its Pierce.

SHIRLEY(sympathizing)

Its about the group. We arent going to betogether forever you know. Sometimes Im

just afraid of change.. But the more I think about it...I mean Ill have more time with my boys and Andre.

I have a new family to focus on.

ANNIE(reassuring herself more than SHIRLEY)

But the group is going to stay in touch... right?

SHIRLEYOh, Im sure we will try at first but those

things never work the same.

ANNIEOh.

CUT TO POKER GAME.

JEFF, BRITTA, PIERCE ABED and TROY are standing up. JEFF,BRITTA, PIERCE and TROY are shouting at each other. ABED isobserving.

JEFF(shouting at TROY and BRITTA)Hey, you want a piece of me?

TROY/BRITTAYeah!

JEFF

Well, whos gunna do it?

BRITTA / TROY(looking at JEFF)

ME! / I AM!(look at each other)

BRITTA/TROY


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I AM! / ME!

JEFF(sitting down)

Well this is interesting.

BRITTAJeff, is going to hate it when a young, sexy, hip...

JEFFWait, you want Troy to win?

BRITTA

...Lady, takes him down.

SR. CHANGPsh please.

Shut it Chang. All in.

TROYSamesies.

ABEDThere has really been a lot of one-on-one

scenarios in this game.

SR. CHANG deals the cards. The final card is being laid.

TROY(emotionally)

This ones for my sweet, little cyber K-9.

SR. CHANG lays the final card.

SR. CHANG(looking at TROYs cards)

Troy, you have a 9 high. Strong hand my brotha.

SR. CHANG (CONTD)

Britta...(looking at her cards)

Jack High! She wins! Jack high wins!

TROYWhyyyy???

We didnt even say good-bye.


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ABED(seeing his friend in need switches character)

Sherlock, Im afraid there is a problemat Shirleys fundraiser. Mycroft is waiting.

TROY(pauses)

Ugh, Mycroft. When will he ever learn.

TROY and ABED exit.

BRITTA(re:JEFF)Well its just you and me.

PIERCEHey!

JEFFOh please. For the last three rounds youvebeen holding blueberry pop tarts instead

of cards.

PIERCEIs that why they kept telling me I should play

my hot hand?

JEFFI dont have all night, Shirleys

thing only lasts until seven. So lets goBarbie and her sad, creepy uncle Fester.

CUT TO JEFF. PAN FROM HIM AND AS CAMERA CROSSES OVERPIERCES BACK IT FORWARDS TO THE END OF THE GAME.

JEFF and BRITTA look at each other defeated.

JEFFWhat happened?

BRITTA

I dont know. Ive never seen moves like that.

JEFFIm pretty sure at one point, he had me in atrance, like an out-of-body experience. And I

was just sitting high in the corner... staringat my hair.


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CUT TO PIERCE IN HIS BEAT-UP CAR

PIERCESuckers.

(laughs to himself)

After laughing for a brief moment, PIERCE gasps as he isabout to get into an accident. We hear the crashing noise.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT II


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ACT III

FADE IN:

INT. COMMUNITY PARKING LOT LATER THAT DAY (DAY 1)

FADE IN TO PIERCE GETTING OUT OF THE CAR AFTER HISACCIDENT.

PIERCE gets out of the car and stumbles to the ground.

UNKNOWN MAN approaches from the other car.

UNKNOWN MAN(alarmed)

Sir? Sir? Are you alright?

He goes to help up PIERCE. After a small struggle, PIERCEis now sitting with his back up against his own car.

UNKNOWN MANCan you hear me? Are you alright?

The camera switches to PIERCEs point of view. The shot isvery out of focus because he is so blind and he issuffering from concussion like symptoms.

The words echo. Who are you?

PIERCE(stumbling over words)

Im Pierce.

PIERCE looks up at the man wearing a doctors scrubs and anametag. His nametag says J.ESUS.

PIERCE(reads slowly)J Esus. Jesus.

(grabbing the check from his pocket)I can pay for this. Im sorry Jesus.

We camera view switches back to normal time.

J. Esus(taking the check)

What? Whered you find this?


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Camera switches to PIERCEs point of view.

J. Esus(his voice is slow and echoing)I had bigger plans for this.

PIERCE suddenly remembers the J.ESUS shirt SHIRLEY waswearing.

CUT TO NORMAL POINT OF VIEW.

PIERCERight. Bigger plans. I can fix this.(he gets up and gets into his car)

PIERCE (CONTD)(screaming as he drives away)Love your sweaters by the way!

CUT TO ABED AND TROY GETTING FOOD AT THE FUNDRAISER.

They are selecting food to eat in a line.

TROYYou know what I dont get, how come youtell exactly what Annie was going todo, but no one else? Shouldnt poker

kind of be your thing?

ABEDYeah. I knew exactly what was going to

happen. Observing people is kinda my thing Troy.I knew Pierce was going to win anyways.

TROYBecause you can predict the future?

ABED

No. Sr. Chang and Pierce were cheating the whole time.

TROYWhy didnt you help me win?

ABEDI did what I needed to do, to help you standup to Jeff. Doesnt it feel better to have


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his respect?

TROYHa yeah, I guess so. Thanks man.

ABEDNo problem.

(turning to the lady serving chicken nuggets)Do you have any ranch?

TROYAre you kidding? Ranch is the gold of condiments.

They dont just hand that stuff out.Quit embarrassing me.

CUT TO SHIRLEY AND ANNIE EATING AT A PICNIC TABLE. JEFF,

BRITTA, AND SR. CHANG SIT DOWN TO JOIN THEM.

SHIRLEYSo, who won?

JEFFPierce. I can only imagine what hes

doing with it now.

Collective group disgust.

PIERCE pulls up in his broken car.

PIERCE(crazily)

Shirley, here! Have it. Jesus wanted youto have this. Its beyond me now.

SHIRLEYOh thank you. The Church will be

so happy.

JEFF

(to Pierce)Nice car.

PIERCEThanks... Say Have you seen Jeff?

I want to know if he still wants to hitthe strip clubs.


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JEFFIll go find him.

JEFF grabs BRITTA and walks with her to some privacy.

JEFFListen, I was a real ass today. Imnot sure why. I feel like everyone

is feeling like this pressure. Its likeeveryone is freaking out and going insane.

BRITTAI was a bit of an ass myself, but I think

I just felt like the more we pretendedto hate each other, the easier this

would be.

JEFFWhat do you mean?

BRITTAIm leaving.

TROY and ABED interrupt as news team.

TROY gets himself mentally focused as he is about to go onlive TV. ABED takes three licks of ranch off of hisfingers.

ABEDGo!

TROYTroy Barn-Burner Barnes here...

ABEDNice.

Reporting live at the first annual ShirleysChurch fund raiser, or should I say

fun raiser?(giggles)

I have to ask, what are you guysfighting about now?

Holds microphone up to JEFF who is frozen, staring atBRITTA.


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TROY(awkwardly trying to save JEFF)

Come on Jeff, we are live.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT III


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TAG

FADE IN

TROY and ABED sitting in news chairs during commercialbreak.

TROYDo you ever think we do our interviews

at terrible times and ruin peoples intimateconversations?

ABED

(thinking it over)No.

TROY

Me neither.

TROY and ABED look at imaginary camera.

TROYWelcome back everyone.

ABEDLets take a look at some of the juicy footage

we found.

TROY and ABED look on.

TROY/ABEDWow.

FADE OUT

END OF TAG


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Documents

SPEC COMMUNITY_Advance Wager Studies