THE SPOTLIGHT ANTHOLOGIES: KIERAN HARTByDaniel Alan Holstead
opening: TITLE cards explain setting and nature of the film with interspersed footage of JOHN LOCKEs morning commute. WONDERWALL by OASIS plays. Sequence ends with title card BOKEN HART with music cutting out. SCENE ONE beginsFAde In:Scene oneEXT. KIERAN HARTS FRONT DOOR -- MORNING
John Locke Another cold morning.KIERAN opens the door in a bath robe-KIERANCome in, youre lateJOHNYoure not even dressed yet
KIERAN sighs loudly and turns to walk into his living room. JOHN follows and shuts the door.INT. KIERANS LIVING ROOMKieranSo, what we doing today?
JOHNFirst, we should get you dressed-KIERAN looks at John bewildered.First, YOU should get dressed.
KieranYeh. Ill get dressedjohn Then we have to record a video for you Hindi fans. Its Diwali tomorrow and its wise to be good to your expanding Hindi fan base. Well get you in some ethnic clothing and you can read out a message.
KieranAre we going to try to do a meet and greet again?
JohnIll look into that.
INT. JOHNS OFFICE TALKING HEADJOHNWe recently posted to social media, advertising a meet and greet with Kieran so all of his fans could get autographs, pictures and get to meet him. It turns out his fans are Well his fans Whats the PC term for freaks? To hell with it Theyre freaks. I mean look at thisJOHN shows an image on Facebook of KIERAN looking very uncomfortable with a fan.INT. KIERANS LIVING ROOMKieranTherell be no coming back if its anything like the last one. It was degrading. Im not just a sex object.
JohnIt wont happen again. So what do you say, you get ready and we make a start?
KIERAN gets up out of his chair and heads upstairs. The camera turns to John who looks anxious. FAde Out:
FADE IN:SCENE ONE (CONTINUED)INT: KIERANS KITCHENJOHN is making tea.
JOHNIve scheduled a recording session with an amateur music producer
KIERAN (from upstairs)WHERE IS MY HAIR DRYER! (raised voice)
JOHN(to camera) Hair drier?
KEIRAN storms through the kitchen and out the door with the temperament of a spoilt brat.
KIERANWell have to wait until it dries then.
JOHNYou could just towel dry it?
KIERAN returns to the kitchen frazzled
KIERANA TOWEL? What am I? A caveman? Would you ask Madonna to towel dry her hair? Kylie? Or erm, Harry Styles? What do I pay you for anyway?
INT. JOHNS OFFICE TALKING HEAD inc. B Roll of abusive Kieran
JOHNIve been working for him for 9 months now. A lot can happen in 9 months (beat.) You could get some qualifications Find a real job.
INT. KIERANS KITCHEN. KIERAN is doing vocal excercises.
KIERANLets do this
END OF SCENESCENE TWOEXT. BOJOS FRONT DOORJOHN knocks on BOJOS door and we see that KIERAN is a combination of anxious and impatient.
JOHNDont worry, this guy is a professional
KIERANI fear nothing. (beat) Whats his name?
JOHNHis street name is Bojo.
JOHNYeh. Like Bono. Without the need of being liked.
JOHNWoah woah woah! Sweet child o mine! Be quiet he might hear ya
JOHN knocks again
JOHN (to camera)This guy were waiting on is a genius. Hes the hottest music producer in the PDM universe. Thats Pop Dance Music.
KIERAN is interrupted by BOJO answering the door with a cigarette in his hand.
BOJOWhat do you dickheads want?
JOHNHi, Im John. We spoke on the phone?
BOJOSave me the fucking pleasantriesBOJO notices the cameraSo you must be the artist And the artists bitch
KIERAN (to JOHN)What did he say?
JOHN(laughs nervously) So What you gonna let us in?
BOJOSure. My home and I are one So I welcome you inside of me.
JOHN glances at camera as they enter BOJOs house
KIERANIt smells like genital moisture and hemp in here.
BOJO (sincerely)Thank you
KIERANSo do you write songs?
KIERANWhat instruments do you play?
BOJOI dont know
KIERAN exhales and shows signs of boredom. JOHN is smiling whilst acting out of place.
KIERANYour tap is running, you know?
BOJOSTOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!
EXT. BOJOS GARDEN. TALKING HEAD
BOJOIts probably the Prozac I take.
INT. BOJOS STUDIO. EVENINGA mic is set up and KIERAN is attempting to lay down a vocal track with BOJO sat at a computer. JOHN is taking pictures with his phone. KIERAN keeps thumbling the lyrics as he is clearly distracted by JOHNS flash. BOJO seems irritated. The song finishes.
BOJOOkay Thats definitely enough of that.
KIERAN appears happy with the recording.
JOHNSo are we going to listen back?
BOJONo I think well leave it there. Ill send you the finished track when I finish the production shizz.
KIERANWhen will that be?
END OF SCENE
SCENE TWOINT. KIERANS KITCHEN.KIERAN and JOHN are sat at the dining room table.
JOHNWhere are your parents?
KIERAN (with attitude)I dont know. Out? Arent we supposed to be heading off to see some promoters?
JOHNEven better (beat). Managers. But even better again
KIERANOh, I like that. So Ill be a resident DJ.
JOHNEven better again! Youll be playing The Neon!
JOHNIt is pretty amazing.
CUT TO: EXTERIOR of THE NEON WORKMANS CLUB
KIERANIs that it?
JOHNIt might not look like much-
KIERAN (interrupting)No, it doesnt
JOHNBut it gets quite the crowd. You can do some crowd pleasers. A bit of Olly Murs,
KIERANOlly Murs is out. (to camera) Sam Smith is the new Olly Murs.
JOHNRight. (beat) But everyone starts somewhere.
KIERANNo! Itll be like a pop concert in Gods waiting room!
JOHNIts just to get you started. Soon well have your demo sent to record labels and the offers will come flooding in.
KIERANStill! Come on! Were going back. Im not playing to a graveyard.
JOHN looks disappointed and exhausted. Tension is clearly building between KIERAN and JOHN and their working relationship is about to reach boiling point.
INT. JOHNS OFFICE TALKING HEAD inc. B Roll of JOHN and KIERAN waiting for a bus. Quietly
JOHNWell Madonna is worth a billion dollars (beat) And shes the biggest BITCH on the planet.
END OF SCENE.
SCENE THREE:INT. KIERANS KITCHEN. JOHN and KIERAN are listening to KIERANS demo. KIERAN is visibly angry. JOHN seems indifferent. KIERAN prematurely stops the demo playing and slams the laptop shut.
KIERANYou know what this is?
KIERANThis is the low point! Right now Im here! (gestures hand to close to floor). When really, after recording my first demo I should be
CUT TO: KIERAN at top of stairs.
CUT TO: Back to KITCHEN
JOHNIts not that bad
KIERANIt wouldnt be if you hadnt insisted on taking pictures with that flash, on your phone!
JOHNYou said instagram was the singles most important-
KIERANI was being ironic. Of course. (beat) GOD!
JOHNWe can try and re-record it. I can call Bojo
KIERANCan we come up with a different name for him? I hate saying that.
KIERANYeh. Call BJ. Also I want a REAL gig at a REAL venue.
JOHNThe Robin Hood has an open mic night.
KIERANNO! I want to headline an arena.
KIERANThe Sunshine FM Arena.
INT. JOHNS OFFICE TALKING HEAD
JOHNSo Just For all of you that dont know, the Dan FM Arena is the biggest music venue in Tyneside. Just so everyone knows.
INT. KIERANS KITCHEN
JOHNConsider it done.
KIERANActually start taking notes
JOHN pulls out a notepad
KIERANSo. I want to headline the arena.
KIERANGet me a good support. Not too good though. I want to organize a new meet and greet. Can we be choosey on who we let in?
JOHN (in disbelief)Sure
KIERANGet down that I want a new demo recorded. Put down auto tune if necessary
INT. KIERANS BEDROOM. TALKING HEAD
KIERANWatch this space. Youre doing a documentary on the next (beat). Will.I.Am
END OF SCENEFADE IN:SCENE FOURINT. JOHNS LIVING ROOMTIME JUMP to a week later. John is in his office on the phone and appears stressed. The word we can use to describe Johns state is frazzled. He is very close to being beyond frazzled.
JOHNI have a quote from South Tyneside Councils Newsletter saying hes the next Peter Andre.
PHONE VOICEIm sorry. Were just not interested.
JOHN (pleading)Come on! Just have him play one song on the B-stage. It wont cost you anything!
INT. JOHNS OFFICE TALKING HEADJOHNIm trying to get Kieran booked onto the hottest festival in all of Northern England The problem is The bitch I have the number for doesnt want him.
INT. JOHNS LIVING ROOMKATE enters. Shes JOHNs girlfriend. She doesnt understand JOHNS work for KIERAN but she tries to be loving and supportive. JOHN is seen on the phone beggin an event organizer.
KATE (entering)John! Its just me.
JOHN hangs up.
JOHNIm in here
KATE enters the room
Some bitch working for the organizers for the Evolution Festival refuses to have Kieran play even one song.
KATEI think that festival is only for signed artists John.
JOHNHow is he supposed to get signed if he doesnt get enough exposure?
KATEDont you think his cover of Climax getting 8 million views exposure enough?
JOHN gives a look of doubt.CUT TO: few seconds of bespoke of youtube video.
BACK TO JOHNS LIVING ROOM