STAR TREK: RENAISSANCE James Sampson · I don't think anyone can be that unlucky, Ambassador. INT. ENGINEERING Grey and Kinnan are still working to lower the forcefield. Prout continues

STAR TREK: RENAISSANCE

"One of Our Ambassadors is Missing"

Written by James Sampson

This teleplay is originally from www.startrekrenaissance.com "Star Trek" and related names are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures, Inc. This original work of fiction is written solely for non-profit purposes. Copyright 2002 by The Renaissance Group All rights reserved

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - TEASER 1.

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. SPACE

The ship is orbiting a planet that has BLUE oceans and REDcontinents.

CROSS (V.O.)Captain's log, Stardate 78512.2. TheEnterprise has arrived in the PhelanSystem to host a diplomatic conferencebetween several worlds who haveexpressed an interest in joining theFederation. In the current situation,with Starfleet still relatively weakand the Klingon situation becomingincreasingly unstable, acquiring newallies is quickly assuming a toppriority, which is the reason theflagship has been dispatched. Amongstthe ambassadors due to attend theconference are the aforementionedPhelans, the feuding Kolaks andBolshaks, and the apparently benignJolans, the latter being particularlyproficient in technological matters.On a personal note, I am lookingforward to welcoming Admiral Portman,an old friend of this ship and herCaptain, back on board to host themeeting.

INT. SHUTTLEBAY

A SHUTTLE comes in and lands. After a moment a FORCEFIELDactivates at the entrance, and CROSS and a welcoming committeebegin to file forward as the shuttle doors open. The firstto emerge is PORTMAN. The welcoming committee SALUTES.

PORTMANAt ease, gentlemen. Captain.

CROSSAdmiral, it's good to see you again.

PORTMANLikewise.

They EMBRACE.

INT. CORRIDOR

As Cross and Portman walk down it, there are a lot of peoplegoing about, some in civvies and some obviously not surewhere they are going.


PORTMANYou didn't need to put on a receptioncommittee, you know.

CROSSJust like to show our new friendsour respect for you.

PORTMANOh? And who was watching?

CROSSErm... no one, but that's not thepoint. It never hurts to remind thecrew of correct protocol.

PORTMANCorrect protocol? That doesn't soundmuch like the Neil Cross I know. Youall right? You've had a double whammyrecently -- the conference, then theReformists.

CROSSIt has certainly been an interestingyear. I wanted to thank you forsupporting Talora taking commandwhile I was... absent. I know therewas some debate about what to do

PORTMANDelfune. It was mainly Delfune.

Cross makes a face.

CROSSNo surprise there. I suppose shewanted to go in with all guns blazing?

PORTMANShe did. If the Reformists hadn'tfled when they did, I'm sure shewould have got her way too. Funnyhow they just disappeared like that.Can't imagine how they would havegot away without the Enterprisenoticing anything.

CROSSYes... I think the last thing thepeople on that planet needed at thatpoint was a Starfleet armada burstingin with phasers blazing.

PORTMANQuite.

(MORE)


PORTMAN (CONT'D)(beat)

Neil, are you sure you're okay?

CROSSI'm fine, honestly.

PORTMANYou seem a little... on edge.

CROSSI'm always on edge. You should knowthat more than anyone.

PORTMANYes, but this time it's even moreso.

They enter a turbolift.

INT. TURBOLIFT

Cross and Portman enter.

CROSSDeck Ten.

The turbolift starts moving.

PORTMANHold.

The lift STOPS.

PORTMAN (CONT'D)Neil?

CROSSI'm just concerned how my crew willreact to this mission.

PORTMANHow so?

CROSSWell, it's just... how can I putthis...?

PORTMANThey don't like change?

CROSSNo, not exactly...

PORTMANThey'd rather be out saving thegalaxy?


CROSSDefinitely not.

PORTMANThen...?

CROSSPut it this way. This mission callsfor tact and occasional ass-kissing.I'm just not sure that my staff are...very diplomatic.

INT. Y'LAN'S SCIENCE LAB

Y'LAN is standing by the door, blocking the way in to a LARGE,LUMBERING HULK of a man. This is AMBASSADOR BARKE.

Y'LANIf you do not leave, I will be forcedto do something unpleasant, possiblyto your teeth.

BARKEThat's not very friendly.

Y'LANAmbassador...?

BARKEBarke. Cornelius Barke. Esquire. Ofthe Galactic Consortium of Jolans,ruler of the third house of Barke onJolan Prime, holder of the sacredkeys of Loki from time immemorial.

He pauses and looks smug.

Y'LANDoes that mean anything?

BARKEIt means I'm very important, so letme in.

Y'LANNo.

BARKEPlease.

Y'LANNo.

BARKEOh go on.


Y'LANNo.

BARKEJust a little look.

Y'LANNo.

BARKEI won't stay long.

Y'LANNo.

BARKEWhy not?

Y'LANAmbassador Barke, with your slurringspeech and unsteady gait, I believeletting you near my equipment wouldbe a foolish and reckless move andwould result in damage.

BARKEI wouldn't touch your table!

Y'LANThe damage would not be to the table.

BARKEFine. Didn't want to see your tableanyway, stupid talking spider.

He turns and staggers down the corridor. Y'lan watches himfor a moment, then turns. The second he does, Barke rushesback and pushes past him into the lab.

BARKE (CONT'D)Ha ha! I'm in. Now what you going todo? Hit me?

He looks smug again.

Y'LANYes.

Y'lan WHIPS out a tentacle, which gives Barke a sharp blowto the head. Barke collapses unconscious.

Y'LAN (CONT'D)Y'lan to security. There has beenan unfortunate occurrence in myscience lab. One of the Ambassadorsgot in my way.


DOJAR'S COMM VOICEI'm on my way.

As we look at Barke's body, we...

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - ACT ONE 7.

ACT ONE

INT. SICKBAY

ELRIS is administering to an unconscious BARKE, while QUINLAN,Cross and Y'lan look on.

CROSSY'lan, why didn't you just call forSecurity when he was causing trouble?

Y'LANAs you can see, Captain, I did notneed Security.

CROSSThat's not the point. You can't justgo round hitting Ambassadors.

QUINLANNot until they've signed the treaty,anyway.

CROSSQuiet, Quinlan. Doctor, how is he?

ELRISOur medical records have only veryscanty records of Jolan physiology,but I think he's all right.

CROSSHow can you tell?

ELRISHe's still breathing.

CROSSGood enough. Let me know when hewakes up, I have some groveling todo.

Cross' badge CHIRPS.

TALORA'S COMM VOICECaptain, the last shuttle of diplomatsis coming in now.

CROSSUnderstood. Quinlan, you ready?

QUINLANI'll follow you in a minute.

Cross nods.


CROSSY'lan, with me.

They both EXIT.

INT. CORRIDOR

Cross and Y'lan walk along it.

CROSSY'lan, I would appreciate it if youstayed well away from our guests thenext few days.

Y'LANCaptain, I did not seek to cause aconfrontation.

CROSSNo, well, just stay out of the way.And if you do meet another one, andget itchy tentacles, please try andrestrain yourself.

Y'LANI will try.

CROSSNo, Y'lan, you will succeed.

INT. SICKBAY

Elris and Quinlan as before.

ELRISWhy are you going with him?

QUINLANI've been given escort duty.

ELRISWhat, you mean like prostitutes?

QUINLANNo, like showing one of theambassadors round the ships.

ELRISNeil must be desperate.

QUINLANThanks for the vote of confidence. Ihave a Mr. Tooey to look after.

ELRISMr. Tooey? Sounds like some kind ofexotic vermin.


QUINLANYes, well, I might not mention thatto him. So... you two seem a littlehappier.

ELRISHmm?

QUINLANYou and our great captain.

ELRISOh, right. Well, we sorted some thingsout.

QUINLANWhat like?

ELRISJust... things. I don't think we'llbe at each other's throats anymore.I think he has enough on his plateat the moment.

QUINLANSounds intriguing.

ELRISThat's all there is to it. Seriously.Go on, Gossip Officer. Your ambassadorawaits.

Quinlan GRINS and EXITS.

INT. ENGINEERING

TALORA is showing Ambassador J'lak and his wife and son aroundthe ship. GREY, KINNAN and various SUPERNUMERARIES are busyat their stations.

TALORAAnd this is Engineering.

PROUTDad! Engineering! Ask now!

J'LAKAll right, son, in a minute.

PROUTNow, Dad!

J'LAKCommandor Tricorder...

TALORAIt's Talora.


J'LAKOh is it? I'm terribly sorry, whathave I you been calling you?

TALORATricorder.

J'LAK'S WIFEDon't mind him, Commander, he's asdeaf as a post.

TALORAThat's okay.

J'LAKSorry. Anyway, Commander Patora, myson here is a big engineering freak...

J'LAK'S WIFEHe loves playing with his equipmentback home. He's at it for hours.

J'LAKAnd we were wondering if it might bepossible if he could have a tour ofEngineering.

TALORAOf course. Lieuetenant Grey?

Grey comes over.

TALORA (CONT'D)LtLieutenant, this is AmbassadorJ'lak and his wife, Madame J'lak,and his son Prout. This is LieutenantGrey, Chief of Engineering. They'vejust arrived for the conference.

J'LAKDelighted to meet you, LieutenantGay.

GREYWelcome on board the Enterprise.

TALORAMr. Prout here would like a tour ofEngineering.

Beat.

GREYDelighted to. Kinnan, come...


TALORALieutenant, I think a tour would bebetter coming from the Chief ofEngineering.

GREYOh. Right. Yes. Of course.

PROUTYay!

J'LAKWe'll pick him up in a few hours.Now, Commander Petunia, I'm veryinterested in seeing your AstrometricsLab...

They leave, leaving Prout and Grey staring at each other.

GREYHello. My name is Lieutenant ErikGrey. You may call me LieutenantGrey.

PROUTSup.

GREYPardon?

PROUTCan I press the buttons?

GREYNo.

PROUTOh go on.

Grey leads him over to a console.

GREYYou may press that one.

He points.

PROUTThis one?

He PRESSES the console. The LIGHTS go out.

GREYNo, that wasn't the one I was talkingabout.

The lights come back on again. Prout has vanished.


GREY (CONT'D)Now try again, this time... Prout?Where are you?

Kinnan taps him on the shoulder. Grey looks. Prout is standingby the warp core, giving it a good kick.

PROUTOurs is much bigger than this oldthing.

GREY(panicked)

Please don't kick the warp core!

INT. SHUTTLEBAY

There are a few scattered SHUTTLES around, but only one ratherbored looking SUPERNUMERARY doing something. QUINLAN dashesin.

QUINLANOh crap. Have I missed them?

SUPERNUMERARYYep.

QUINLANThe ambassadors?

SUPERNUMERARYGone.

QUINLANThe captain?

SUPERNUMERARYNot happy.

QUINLANDammit.

She goes to run out again when her comm chirps.

CROSS'S COMM VOICECross to Quinlan.

QUINLANCaptain, I'm sorry, I got waylaid.

CROSS'S COMM VOICEIf you can find the time, we're havingan informal get together in TenForward for the ambassadors. It would be nice if you could getthere, but only if you can fit it

(MORE)


CROSS'S COMM VOICE (CONT'D)into your busy schedule. I expectMr. Tooey will be waiting in hisquarters to be picked up.

QUINLANCaptain, I...

CROSS'S COMM VOICE(interrupting)

I don't want to hear it. Cross out.

SUPERNUMERARYBusted.

QUINLANOh, shut up.

INT. TEN FORWARD

There are several people standing round in AMBASSADORIALGARBS, including the J'LAKS, while the Starfleet personnelare in their ceremonials, including TALORA, CROSS, andPORTMAN. HAL is behind the bar as always, and is playing theraconteur.

HALAnd the Bolian said: "Banana? Ithought it was a..."

PORTMANThank you, Hal, that will be all.

He moves two of the AMBASSADORS away, and goes over to Cross.

PORTMAN (CONT'D)I've never known anyone who had somany jokes about Bolians.

CROSSYes. I did warn you about my crew.

PORTMANYes. Speaking of tact, watch this...

Portman goes up to one of the ambassadors, NENLI.

PORTMAN (CONT'D)Ambassador Nenli, I think this mightbe the perfect time to speak toAmbassador Skottry.

NENLIThat son of a...


PORTMAN(interrupts)

Yes, yes, but I think it might timeto bury the hatchet. Unfortunateterm of phrase, actually...

NENLII will not.

PORTMANListen. I know you are a reasonableman. A good man. And it's peoplelike you we need in the Federationat the moment.

NENLIReally?

PORTMANAbsolutely. People with yourintelligence are sorely lacking inthe hierarchy at the moment.

NENLIWell, yes, I imagine they are...

PORTMANBut a sign of good faith would be ifyou were to try and resolve yourworld's differences with the Kolaks.

NENLIBut they dishonoured...

PORTMANI know, I know, but they didn't doit on purpose.

NENLIBut still...

PORTMANPlease. You would be showing yourselfto be the bigger man here.

Beat.

NENLIAll right.

He walks over to where Ambassador SKOTTRY is standing. Portmanreturns to Cross.

CROSSDelicately done.


PORTMANThank you.

CROSSI'm not entirely clear why those twoworlds are at war.

PORTMANI don't think it's technicallypossible for two pacifist worlds tobe at war. Two more peaceful peopleyou couldn't imagine.

CROSSSo...?

PORTMANIt's more a playground spat. TheBolshak ruler, as a symbol of devotionto his new bride named an asteroidthat encircles their two worlds afterher.

CROSSThat's nice. Why did the Kolaksobject?

PORTMANThey didn't. They just blew it up.

CROSSWhy?

PORTMANThey have a sport based around it.Imagine a world with no warfare,they have to work off aggressionsomehow, the Kolaks do it by blowingup asteroids.

CROSSAnd the Bolshaks?

PORTMANWere not happy. It was a deadlyinsult.

CROSSSo what did they do?

PORTMANThe worst punishment they could dealout.

CROSSWhich was?


PORTMANThey refuse to speak to them anymore.

CROSSThat's it?

PORTMANIt's a big thing in their world.Still, they appear to be speaking toeach other now.

They watch the two Ambassadors for a moment. It soon becomesclear that they are not discussing the weather. Voices startbeing raised.

CROSSThey appear to be yelling at eachother.

Finally, Nenli strikes out at Skottry, and floors him, beforestomping out. Cross and Portman rush over.

CROSS (CONT'D)I thought you said they werepacifists?

PORTMANSee what happens when a world joinsthe Federation? Ambassador, are youall right?

SKOTTRYHe hit me.

PORTMANYes he did.

SKOTTRYOn the nose.

They help him into a chair.

PORTMANThere, there.

SKOTTRYIt hurts.

PORTMANYes, yes.

Turns to Cross and whispers:

PORTMAN (CONT'D)Might be a good idea to go and havea word with Nenli.


CROSSRight.

He goes and leaves.

INT. CORRIDOR

Cross hurries along it, and as he does so his comm chirrups.

ELRIS'S COMM VOICEElris to Cross.

CROSSWhat is it, Doctor?

ELRIS' COMM VOICEIt's Ambassador Barke, sir, he'sawake, and he's not happy. He wantsto speak to you.

CROSSNow?

ELRIS'S COMM VOICEI'd say so. He's going quite redwith fury.

Over her comm channel we hear a ROAR.

CROSSRight. I'll be right there. Crossout.

He changes direction, and as he does so runs into QUINLAN.

QUINLANCaptain.

CROSSYou haven't seen an Ambassador alonghere, have you?

QUINLANI was about to ask you the same thing.

CROSSWhat?

QUINLANYou know Mr. Tooey, the ambassadorI'm meant to be watching?

CROSSYes...


QUINLANNo one's seen him. The shuttlemanifest shows he was on it, but noone's seen him since he came on board.He's vanished.

OFF CROSS' REACTION WE...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - ACT TWO 19.

ACT TWO

INT. SICKBAY

Barke is pacing around angrily while Elris and AGOLIVE arein the background. Cross enters.

CROSSAmbassador Barke...

BARKEWho are you?

CROSSI'm Cross.

BARKEYes, I'm cross too. Can you imaginewhat that octopus did to me?

CROSSI know, I'm sorry about that.

ELRISAmbassador Barke, if you'll just...

CROSSDoctor, please leave this to me.

ELRISFine. Good luck.

BARKEAll I wanted to do was look at hislab. It's my field, you see. I'm ascientist.

CROSSAs you know, Y'lan comes from aspecies... very different from most.He thinks differently, and

BARKEHe insulted me too. Said I hadslurring speech, and an unsteadygait. I, Cornelius Barke. Esquire. Of the Galactic Consortium of Jolans,ruler of the third house of Barke onJolan Prime, holder of the sacredkeys of Loki from time immemorial.

As he has said this, he has slowly FLOATED up to the ceiling,much to Cross and Elris's amazement. Barke suddenly stopshis spiel and looks around.

BARKE (CONT'D)Why am I on the ceiling?


CROSSI don't know.

(taps his comm badge)Cross to Engineering, are you havingsome problems with environmentalcontrols?

INT. ENGINEERING -- CONTINUOUS

Grey is in the foreground, looking harassed, while in thebackground we see Prout has erected a FORCEFIELD round onecorner, behind which he is taunting Kinnan and several others,sticking his tongue out.

GREYYes, we're just trying to reroutenow.

PROUTNER NER ne NER NER!

KINNANJust wait 'til we get hold of you,you little brat!

GREYHang on, Captain, we'll have themback in a minute.

INT. SICKBAY -- CONTINUOUS

Cross, Elris and Agolive are all hanging onto things to stopthem floating up. Barke THRASHES about wildly on the ceiling.

BARKEGetmedowngetmedowngetmedown...!

CROSSJust a second, Ambassador.

GREY'S COMM VOICEAll right, gravity coming back on…now.

Barke comes to earth with a resounding BANG.

BARKEOWWWWW!

CROSSDoctor.

Elris rushes forward and administers to Barke, who landed onhis head, and is now sitting up, ruefully rubbing it.

ELRISThat's going to be a nasty lump.


She runs a tricorder over him.

ELRIS (CONT'D)I can settle it, though, it'll takeabout half an hour. There's been nopermanent damage done.

BARKEDamage? DAMAGE? That's it, I'm leavingright now!

CROSSNo, no, no, no. Ambassador. AmbassadorBarke, how would it be if I arrangeda special tour of Y'lan's lab foryou? I promise he won't hit you again.A special treat. On us.

Barke considers.

BARKEVery well. But I'm warning you, if Iget injured one more time, I'mleaving.

CROSSI don't think anyone can be thatunlucky, Ambassador.

INT. ENGINEERING

Grey and Kinnan are still working to lower the forcefield. Prout continues to wave at them behind it.

KINNANCharmer, isn't he?

GREYWe have to be diplomatic, he is anhonored guest.

KINNANI'd like to give him a smack on hishonored bottom. There.

The forcefield goes pzzt, and DISAPPEARS.

GREYRight, Mr. Prout. I think our tourhas...

PROUTAwwww. NO! I promise I'll be good.Hey, what's in here?

He sees an OPEN JEFFERIES TUBE HATCH, and scurries in.


KINNANThink we can get him a tranquilizer?

GREYThis is not what I imagined I wouldbe doing when I signed up.

KINNANGo get him, sir.

INT. JEFFERIES TUBE

Prout has scrambled a little way along it. He opens hispocket, and produces from it a RAT, which looks around. Proutsniggers as he lets it go.

PROUTGo, little guy, go!

The rat runs off as Grey appears at the other end.

GREYHey Prout. Come out of there!

PROUTWhy?

GREYErm... There's a very interestinggel pack out here.

PROUTI'm tired of Engineering.

GREYOh.

INT. ENGINEERING

GREY turns to KINNAN.

GREYWhat else do kids like?

KINNANEating.

GREYBrilliant. Hey, Prout, how about wego and get something to eat?

PROUT(from inside theJefferies tube)

What like?

Grey turns to Kinnan again.


GREYWhat like?

KINNANI dunno. Jelly?

GREYNo. I know, I remember being a childquite well, we used to eat ice cream.All kids love ice cream. Hey, Prout,how about some nice ice cream?

PROUT(from inside theJefferies tube)

What's ice cream?

Grey groans.

INT. CORRIDOR

Quinlan and Cross are walking along it.

QUINLANWe can't contact Tooey's world bysubspace.

CROSSI've had a communication from Tooey'spersonal aide, but I can't reach himat the moment. Because of the spaceon the shuttle, he couldn't joinhim, so is having to wait until thenext shuttle leaves. He was a littleconcerned -- it would seem theAmbassador has some communicationproblems?

QUINLANIn what way?

CROSSIn that he can't, without hismedicine.

QUINLANAnd let me guess -- he doesn't haveany with him?

CROSSRight. So he won't be able to callfor help.

QUINLANTerrific. The odd thing is no onecan remember Tooey being on boardthe shuttle.


CROSSQuinlan, there were thirty four peopleon board that shuttle, no one wasgoing to notice anyone they didn'tknow.

QUINLANWhere can he have got to?

CROSSHis aide said something aboutcommunication difficulties as well.The comm link was very weak, I couldhardly see him. I've alerted Dojar,although I should point out if you'dbeen at the shuttle when it arrived...

QUINLANYes, thank you Captain.

CROSSI don't want a stranger wanderingaround my ship. I haven't told theAdmiral yet we've lost one of ourAmbassadors, and I don't want totell him. I have enough to worryabout with Ambassadors fighting eachother, let alone this.

QUINLANI will find him, sir.

CROSSMake sure you do.

He enters a TURBOLIFT. Quinlan sighs. She leans against thewall for a moment, and then frowns. Running down the corridoras fast as possible is the RAT. It disappears around a corner. Quinlan quickly follows it, but it has gone by the time shearrives. She taps her comm badge.

QUINLANQuinlan to Dojar.

DOJAR'S COMM VOICENo, we haven't found him yet.

QUINLANNo, we have another problem.

INT. SECURITY OFFICE

DOJAR walks quickly towards the door, and calls to two guardswho seem to be working at a console.

DOJARYou two. We have a new problem.


GUARD 1What?

DOJARWe have a rat loose on the Enterprise.Find him.

GUARD 2What about the missing...?

DOJARFind the rat. He was seen on Deck 5.

GUARD 1What about you, sir?

DOJARNo, I think I'll stay here.

GUARD 1You're not scared of a rat, are you?

DOJAROf course not.

They look at him, disbelieving.

DOJAR (CONT'D)Right, I'll come too.

(beat)Well, go on, get moving. We can'thave vermin on this ship with allthese VIPs about!

They quickly hurry out.

INT. SICKBAY

Elris is tending to Barke's lump.

BARKEHow much longer will this take?

ELRISNot much longer. Nearly done...

Grey hurries in with Prout, who is covered in a RASH andBOILS, and is looking most disgruntled.

GREYDoctor, sorry to interrupt, but wehave a problem.

PROUTHe's poisoned me!


ELRIS(to Barke)

Excuse me a minute.

She goes over and runs a tricorder over Prout.

ELRIS (CONT'D)What happened?

GREYNo one told me this species wasallergic to ice cream.

PROUTWait until I tell I tell my Dad youtried to kill me!

ELRISThis isn't a problem. Hang on.

She goes over to get a HYPOSPRAY.

PROUTYou are so fired now.

GREYPlease don't tell him.

PROUTWhy not?

GREYI'll -- I'll -- I don't know whatI'll do, but I'll do it if you don'ttell him.

Elris returns and INJECTS Prout.

PROUTOW!

ELRISOh, don't be such a baby.

Almost immediately his rash begins to clear and his boilsstart to dissipate.

ELRIS (CONT'D)It'll be all gone in a few minutes.

BARKENurse!

ELRISI gotta get back to him. You okay?


PROUTNo.

ELRISTough. Lieutenant, no dairy products.

GREYWell, I know that now.

Elris goes back to Barke.

PROUTI'm going to my father now.

GREYNo. I'll do anything.

Beat.

PROUTAnything?

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Nenli is glaring out of the window. Cross enters, followedby Skottry.

SKOTTRYOh no, I'm not meeting him again.He'll hit me.

NENLIYou asked for it, you bounder!

CROSSGentlemen, please. Now calm down,both of you. I've asked you herenow to try and resolve this dispute.For supposedly peaceful people, youspend a lot of time bickering.

NENLIWe have nothing to say to each other.

CROSSAnd yet you spend a great deal oftime saying it. Now look. You bothwant to join the Federation. TheFederation wants you to join. Butwe can't sanction your membership ifyou are still squabbling about this.Now surely, you can find some way toresolve this problem?


NENLII don't see how until they apologize,they dishonored our great leader'swife.

SKOTTRYUs, apologize? I like that! Youstarted it.

NENLIWe did not!

SKOTTRYYes you did, you invaded Polant!

NENLIRubbish.

CROSSCould someone explain what you aretalking about?

SKOTTRYCaptain, for many millennia, our twoworlds have had a centennial sunshiprace. But in the last race, theBolshaks cheated.

NENLILies, lies, lies.

CROSSHow?

SKOTTRYThey took a short cut. Through thePolant Nebula.

NENLIYou can't prove that.

CROSSSo, in retaliation you blew up theircomet?

NENLIAsteroid.

CROSSSorry, asteroid.

SKOTTRYWe didn't know it was theirs.

NENLIBut you just said we started it whenwe went through Polant.


SKOTTRYSo you admit it!

NENLII admit nothing, you cad!

SKOTTRYYou jackanapes!

NENLISay that to my face.

SKOTTRYYou...

CROSS(interrupts)

GENTLEMEN.

He looks very annoyed.

CROSS (CONT'D)Let me get this straight. You guysare at war because one of you cheatedin a race?

SKOTTRYYes.

NENLINo.

CROSSFine. Then we have to, we have to...

He suddenly stops, as he sees running under the table therat. He pauses, staring at it.

CROSS (CONT'D)Ambassadors, would you mind awfullyif you came out of here for a minute?

NENLIWhy?

CROSSI, erm, want to show you something.

SKOTTRYI have no objection.

NENLIMe neither.

Cross quickly hurries them out, blocking their view of therat.


INT. CORRIDOR

Cross continues to push Nenli and Skottry out from the room,but stops again when he sees Dojar crawling along the floorof the corridor, with a tricorder.

CROSSLieuetenant?

DOJARAh, sir. We're just, erm...

CROSSI think you may want to look in there.

He points into the conference room.

DOJARThank you sir.

Dojar goes in.

NENLIHow extraordinary.

CROSSDon't mind him, he's from Cardassia.I assure you, not all my crew crawlaround on their hands and knees...

PROUT (O.S.)Whheeee, horsey!

Grey and Prout appear round the corner, Grey giving Prout apiggy back, while Prout whips him energetically. Grey's faceis a picture of suffering as he runs past Cross and theambassadors.

GREYCaptain. Ambassadors.

PROUTFaster, horsey!

They disappear again round another corner. The Ambassadorsturn to Cross.

CROSSSo... can we arrange to meet up alittle later again?

The Ambassadors both harrumph and walk off in oppositedirections. Cross closes his eyes as Dojar comes back out.

DOJARHe's not there now, sir. Are you allright?


CROSSSome days I don't know why I get outof bed...

He walks off as Dojar stares after him as we...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - ACT THREE 32.

ACT THREE

EXT. SPACE

The Enterprise continues in orbit of Phelan.

CROSS (V.O.)Captain's Log, supplemental. Concernsare mounting for the safety ofAmbassador Tooey, who still remainsmissing. Add to this the continuingproblem of the Bolshak/Kolaksituation, and this conference isturning into more of a headache thanwe anticipated.

INT. ENGINEERING

BOYLE ENTERS, and walks over to Kinnan.

BOYLERobert.

KINNANAfternoon, Boyle. Shift starting?

BOYLEYep. Where's Erik? I mean, LieutenantGrey?

KINNANErik, is it?

Beat. Boyle is not amused.

KINNAN (CONT'D)I don't know. He was looking afterone of the ambassador's children,but that was hours ago. I doubthe's still with him.

BOYLEOh.

KINNANSo, you two are getting on well, eh?

BOYLEI guess.

Her comm badge chirrups.

GREY'S COMM VOICEEnsign Boyle, will you please reportto my quarters at once.


BOYLEOn my way.

KINNANGoing to his quarters? He's keen.Don't be too long, will you?

Boyle goes BRIGHT RED.

BOYLEI'm sure it's not -- I mean...

Kinnan looks at her, grinning. She turns around and quicklyEXITS.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM

Cross, Portman, Nenli and Skottry are present.

PORTMANGentlemen, we are not leaving thisroom until we reach a solution tothis problem.

NENLIThen we will be here a long time.Skottry never admits when he's wrong.

SKOTTRYThat's the kettle calling the potblack.

CROSSWe are not going to get anywherehere until people start giving ground. Ambassador Nenli, I am going to askyou this once, and once only. Didyou cheat at this race?

NENLICertainly not!

(beat)We just took a shortcut.

SKOTTRYHA!

CROSSAnd Ambassador Skottry, did you infact know that that comet...

NENLIAsteroid.

CROSS...that that asteroid was a specialone to the Bolshaks?


Long pause.

SKOTTRYWe might have done.

NENLIYou damn well did, you rotter.

CROSSOkay, okay. I think I know the onlyway we can get back on track here.

NENLIWhat's that?

SKOTTRYDo tell us.

CROSSWe should hold the race again.

The Ambassadors look at each other.

INT. CORRIDOR

Boyle arrives outside Grey's quarters and rings the bell.

GREY (O.S.)(sounding strained)

Come in!

She opens the door, and a PADD flies past her into the hall.She enters cautiously.

INT. GREY'S QUARTERS

Normally Spartan living area, but now a real mess. Prout hasupended the bed, behind which Grey is cowering, while Proutflings whatever he can get hold of at him, namely a lot ofpadds.

GREYQuick, get down!

Boyle crouches down behind the bed with Grey.

BOYLEWhat's going on?

GREYWe're reenacting the last moments ofthe Dominion War.

BOYLEIt wasn't like this in my historybook.


GREYNo, it wasn't -- sssh.

He holds up a finger. There is silence. Cautiously, theypeer over the top of the bed. Prout jumps at them.

PROUTBoo!

GREYOh geez. Well, at least you've stoppedthrowing things... what?

He stops, as he sees Prout has gone wide eyed at the sightof Boyle.

PROUTHello.

GREYErm. Prout, this is Ensign Boyle.Boyle, this is Prout.

PROUTI like you.

BOYLEWhy thank you, Prout.

Prout runs forward and gives Boyle a big hug.

BOYLE (CONT'D)Well, I'm pleased to meet you too.You're a friendly little fellow,aren't you? Where are you from? Okay,I think you can let go of me now.

Prout is still hugging her, and copping a feel of her ass atthe same time. Grey spots this.

GREYHey, stop that!

He pulls him off her.

GREY (CONT'D)Right.

BOYLEOh, Erik, he's only a kid. Where'she from?

GREYHis father's J'lak. I have to lookafter him for a few hours. I'm runningout of things to do.


BOYLEWhy don't we take you to the holodeck?

GREYI don't know about that, there aren'tany suitable programs there.

BOYLEI have a personal one I takeeverywhere with me, might do thetrick.

GREYYou know you're not meant to use theholodeck for recreation...

BOYLE(warningly)

Erik.

GREYHolodeck. Sounds a good idea. Whatyou say, Prout?

PROUTI love you, Boyle.

INT. CORRIDOR

TWO SECURITY GUARDS are running along, and out of a TURBOLIFTcomes DOJAR, who joins them quickly.

GUARD 1We picked it up in section 12. Onelife form, small, isolated. Must bethe rat.

DOJARGood work. Forcefield?

GUARD 2Yes, but I think we caught him as weraised it, it stuttered.

DOJARWell, if we fried him, all the better.

They turn the corridor to find the FORCEFIELD activated.Behind it is BARKE, with a BIG BURN on his uniform and frontof his face. He does not look happy.

BARKEYour Captain will hear about this!How dare you imprison me, CorneliusBarke, of the Galactic Consortium ofJolans, ruler of the third house of

(MORE)


BARKE (CONT'D)Barke on Jolan Prime, holder of thesacred keys of Loki from timeimmemorial?

Beat.

GUARD 1That doesn't look much like our rat.

DOJARAmbassador, I'm terribly sorry.

BARKENot half as sorry as you will bewhen this forcefield is lowered, myscaly friend.

GUARD 2Got a way with words, hasn't he?

DOJAR(whispers)

On the count of three, lower theforcefield.

GUARD 1And?

DOJAROn four, run like hell.

INT. TEN FORWARD

It is nearly empty, after the Ambassadorial party. Hal isbehind the bar, cleaning some glasses. Quinlan enters.

QUINLANHey, Hal.

HALWe're closed, Quinlan.

QUINLANI'm not here for a drink, Hal.

HALReally? Wow, first time foreverything.

QUINLANI don't appreciate the sarcasm. Iwas just wondering if you've seen anambassador about?

HALWhat's he look like?


QUINLANI don't know.

HALWell, what's his race look like?

QUINLANI don't know. They've only recentlymade themselves known.

HALWhat was he wearing?

QUINLANI... don't know.

HALSo... you don't know what he lookslike, and you don't know what he'swearing. It's not a lot to go on, isit?

QUINLANHal, I'm not in the mood.

She turns and starts to go out.

HALOh, well then, you won't want to seethat guy over in the corner, then.

He POINTS and we see in a darkened corner a SMALL, seeminglybald figure, staring out into space.

QUINLANIs that him?

HALHe's one of the ambassadors.

QUINLANThanks.

She goes over to him and as she does so, she SNIFFS the air.She winces slightly.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)Ambassador Tooey?

NIBNo.

QUINLANOh. Sorry to disturb you.


NIBThat's okay. I didn't think you'd belooking for me. Nobody does.

Quinlan makes a face and SIGHS. She goes over and sits byhim, trying not to react to the smell.

QUINLANWhy's that?

NIBNobody ever does. Even on myhomeworld, nobody bothers with me.At conferences they always forgetI'm there. Not much call for an off-world Ambassador on a world likeours. We don't tend to mix with otherpeople much.

QUINLANWhy's that?

NIBBecause of our odor. It seems to beoffensive to other races.

QUINLANReally? I... I hardly noticed.

NIBAnd so my work doesn't get me outmuch. I spend most nights at home,working on my memoirs.

(gloomily)This is the most excitement I've hadin four decades.

QUINLANWell... I'm glad you're enjoyingyourself.

NIBYes, it's nice to be ignored by atotally different set of people tonormal.

QUINLANActually, I kind of know what you'retalking about.

NIBReally?

QUINLANYeah. Being an outcast, alone. Sometimes you feel people don'tunderstand you at all.


NIBThey understand me, they just don'tcare. I'm not interesting enough tobe disliked.

QUINLANThere, there. Now you're joining theFederation, I'm sure you've got anexciting future ahead of yourself.Maybe even a second volume of yourmemoirs, eh?

NIBI doubt that, the first volume isonly seven pages long, and three ofthem are the index.

QUINLANYes, well, I really have to begoing...

NIBWait. Won't you join me in a drink?This is the longest conversationI've had since I had my houserepainted.

QUINLANErm... okay, why not?

Nib hands her a FLASK.

NIBIt tastes better than I smell.

She smiles weakly and takes a swig. She looks surprised.

QUINLANNot bad. It tastes kind of like...like... Woah, I feel dizzy...

She goes cross-eyed, and falls off her chair. As she liesthere, she sees our RAT scurrying across the floor towardsthe door.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)(whispers)

Rat...

She closes her eyes as she passes out. Nib bends over her.

NIB(to Hal)

Oh, quickly, she's fallen over.


As he says this, he PALMS Quinlan's COMM BADGE into hispocket, and then hurries over to the bar, where Hal is wipinga glass.

NIB (CONT'D)She's passed out.

HALIt's not the first time. I'll lether sleep it out for a bit.

NIBOkay.

He hurries out.

INT. READY ROOM

Barke is PACING UP AND DOWN YELLING at CROSS, who is behindhis desk.

BARKEThis ship is a deathtrap, a veritabledeathtrap! It's not safe for man,woman or miscellaneous sexes! Howthe Federation had the nerve to hostthis conference here is beyond me. Ifully intend to compile a full reportto my people, recommending we ceaseall communications with youimmediately!

CROSSAmbassador Barke, I cannot apologizeenough.

BARKEDamn straight you can't. How I'vebeen treated is an outrage, anoutrage! Do you hear me?

CROSSLoud and clear.

BARKEI will not tolerate it! I, CorneliusBarke. Esquire. Of the GalacticConsortium...

CROSS(to himself)

Oh spare me.(out loud)

Ambassador, please

BARKEWhat is it?


CROSSSurely there must be some way topersuade you to stay?

BARKETo stay a further day would be torisk life and limb, and I wouldn'twant to deprive my world.

CROSSI can assure you, life is not normallythis dangerous on the Enterprise.Well, not like this anyway. What'shappened to you has just been a seriesof unfortunate accidents.

BARKEAccidents? That spider hit me!

CROSSThat might not have been an accident.

BARKEI cannot believe a ship like thiscontinues to function. I'm surprisedit hasn't blown up by now. I knowEnterprises have a habit of doingthat anyway...

CROSSWe intend to be the exception tothat rule.

BARKEWell, you're not going about it verywell from what I've seen.

CROSSLook, I have an idea.

BARKEWhat is it?

CROSSYou wanted to see the science lab,am I right?

BARKEIndeed. As a man of science, I amalways interested in xenotechnology.I came third in

my year on the subject.

CROSSImpressive. How many were in youryear?


BEAT.

BARKEMany people.

CROSSListen, before the accident in sickbay, I was going to have Y'lan show youaround it. How about if we still goahead with that?

BARKEY'lan is the scorpion, correct?

CROSSI believe he prefers to be referredto as a Q'tami.

BARKEHe is a strange fellow alright. Canyou guarantee my safety?

CROSSAbsolutely.

BARKEIt won't try and hit me again?

CROSSAbsolutely not.

BARKEWell then, I accept.

CROSSThank you.

(taps comm badge)Y'lan, report to my ready roomimmediately.

Y'LAN'S COMM VOICENow is not a convenient time, Captain

CROSSIt was not a suggestion, Y'lan, itwas an order. Cross out.

BARKEVery gracious of me in thecircumstances, don't you think?

CROSSOh, exceedingly so. You have beenmost cooperative, Ambassador.


BARKEActually, to tell you the truth, Ihave another reason for staying.

CROSSWhy's that?

BARKEThe race. I am always a keen spectatorof the Sunship races. Won quite afew grotzs over the years too, I cantell you.

CROSSGosh. Well, the race is this evening.Even now, the two competitors arepowering up their ships...

INT. NENLI'S SHIP -- ENGINEERING

Nenli and his NUMBER TWO are sitting at a console.

NENLIWhat do you mean, we don't have enoughenergy for mach twelve?

NUMBER TWOI'm sorry, sir, I didn't know wewere going to be racing. There justisn't enough solar energy here toget the power we need in time.

NENLIDammit! We cannot forfeit to thatmiscreant. Think!

NUMBER TWOThinking...

Nenli starts to PACE.

NENLINow, let me get this straight. Weneed power.

NUMBER TWOYes.

NENLIDoes it necessarily have to be solar?

NUMBER TWONo. That's just our source, the energyis converted for our needs.


NENLISo, we could get it from elsewhere,then?

NUMBER TWOYes.

NENLIFrom, say... the Enterprise?

NUMBER TWOAmbassador, we couldn't do that!They'd notice.

NENLINot if we were clever and took itfrom a non-vital system.

NUMBER TWOLike what?

NENLISomething where a lot of power isused but isn't necessary...

INT. BRIDGE

GUER at helm, SUKOTHAI at tactical, Talora in charge. Cross'sready room door opens and Cross, Y'lan and Barke enter,walking towards the turbolift.

CROSSAnd if there's anything else youneed...

(brief hesitation)...please don't hesitate to let meknow.

BARKEThank you, Captain, but I'm sure meand Mr. Caterpillar here will get onfine now.

Y'LANY'lan.

BARKEThat's right.

The turbolift door opens. Barke and Y'lan enter and the doorcloses. Cross breathes a sigh of relief.

TALORATrouble, Captain?


CROSSYes, but I think it's sorted outnow. The Ambassador has given me aheadache.

INT. TURBOLIFT

Barke and Y'lan standing still.

BARKESo having all those long limbs mustbe very useful, eh?

Y'LANYes.

BARKEBet the ladies love you, eh? Ha ha!

Y'LANWhy would females prefer me morethan males?

BARKEWell... oh. You're one of those, areyou? Great. Well, no funny businesswith me, I can see you coming. Notthat I want to see you... how longdoes this lift take?

INT. CORRIDOR

There is a turbolift door at the end. Nenli is by it with asmall BOX with flashing lights, by an OPEN CONDUIT. NumberTwo stands at a junction a little away.

NUMBER TWORight, all clear!

NENLIGood!

He presses the box into the conduit and presses a button.His box starts to hum.

INT. TURBOLIFT

Barke and Y'lan as before. Suddenly the lights begin to fade.

BARKEWhat the...?

Suddenly a red alert starts to flash.

COMPUTER VOICEEmergency, emergency. Loss of powerimminent. Evacuate immediately -


BARKEWhat's happening? The lift's stopped.

Y'LANI believe it will start to move againin a moment. I would hold ontosomething.

BARKEWhy?

The lift suddenly LURCHES...

INT. TURBOLIFT SHAFT

We see the lift PLUMMETTING down, before smashing into thebottom with a resounding CRASH.

INT. CORRIDOR

Nenli and Number Two as before. Nenli reacts to the noise.

NUMBER TWOWhat was that?

NENLII think we should get out of here.

NUMBER TWOAgreed.

They quickly run away, Nenli forgetting to put the conduitback on.

INT. BRIDGE

As before. Cross looks at Sukothai.

CROSSWhat was that?

SUKOTHAITurbolift 3, sir. It lost all power,fell five decks...

CROSSTell me that wasn't the one...

Sukothai looks at him and nods. Cross taps his comm badge.

CROSS (CONT'D)Cross to Y'lan. Are you two okay?

Y'LAN'S COMM VOICEI am fine sir, I was able to bracemyself.


CROSSAnd the Ambassador?

INT. TURBOLIFT -- CONTINUOUS

It is dark and smoky, with only RED emergency lighting. Y'LANhas his many tentacles about the lift, and amongst them isBARKE, who is semi-unconscious, suspended by the Q'tami. Hehas evidently hit his head again, as there is a small trickleof blood coming from his forehead.

BARKE(delirious, singing)

I am the seal, cooo, cooo...

Y'LANThe Ambassador appears to bedelirious, Captain. He is making astrange noise.

INT. BRIDGE -- CONTINUOUS

As before. CROSS winces.

CROSSOh bloody hell, not again.

OFF HIS ANXIOUS EXPRESSION WE...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - ACT FOUR 49.

ACT FOUR

INT. SICKBAY

Elris and ATKINSON are tending to Barke, who is lying flaton a bed. Y'lan is in the background. Cross and Portman hurryin.

CROSSHow is he?

BARKEI'm tickety-boo, Captain, and thanksfor asking, I really appreciate it.What a nice man you are. Agentleman...

CROSSDoctor?

ELRISHe has concussion.

BARKEThat's right, I have con-con-concussion, wheeeee!

PORTMANAmbassador Barke, I am so sorry thishas happened.

CROSSWe are doing everything in our powerto find out what happened.

PORTMANFrom now on, you are having an armedguard

BARKEWait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now.Who are you again?

PORTMANI am Admiral Portman.

BARKEAdmiral Portman? Ha ha, what a stupidname. Not like me. My name is Barke.That's spelt B-L-R-Z- erm... howdoes it go?

PORTMANDoctor, how long will this last?


ELRISHe'll be all right in a few hours,I'm going to give him a sedativeuntil it wears off.

CROSSA shame, I prefer him like this.

PORTMANNeil?

CROSSAt least he's not complaining andspitting in my face. Keep us posted,Doctor.

ELRISI always do.

Portman and Cross turn to go, and they are walking out thedoor

BARKEDon't worry about me, Porters oldchum, I'll be as right as reign,with this pretty nurse...

He looks at Elris. BEAT.

BARKE (CONT'D)Actually, scrub that, she's an uglyold cow. Ha ha ha!

Elris shoves a HYPOSPRAY into his arm.

INT. CORRIDOR

Portman and Cross walk down it.

PORTMANPoor guy.

CROSSWell, you know as well as I do, youboard the Enterprise, anything canhappen. And usually does.

PORTMANYou discovered what caused the powerdrain?

CROSSIt wasn't an accident. Somebodydeliberately tapped into the conduit. We found DNA at the scene so itshouldn't take too long to find outwho it was...


He stops as he sees the RAT running along the floor. Swiftly,Cross turns Portman and starts walking him the other way.

CROSS (CONT'D)Actually, there's something I haveto show you.

(taps comm badge)Dojar, Deck Ten.

PORTMANWhat's that?

CROSSNothing.

INT. QUINLAN'S QUARTERS

The lights are off, but the place is quite neat. Suddenly,the door OPENS and Nib ENTERS. He closes it behind him. Hewalks over to a computer console, and turns it on.

COMPUTER'S VOICELevel four access requested. Pleaseenter clearence code.

And takes out Quinlan's COMM BADGE. He connects it to aspecial-looking TRICORDER, and presses a couple of buttons.The tricorder speaks in Quinlan's voice.

QUINLAN'S VOICEClearance code Quinlan One-Seven-Alpha-Gamma.

COMPUTER'S VOICEAccess granted.

NIBComputer, show me areas containingcaesium gas. List one at a time.

COMPUTER'S VOICEAreas containing caesium gas.Engineering.

NIBToo crowded. Next.

COMPUTER'S VOICESickbay.

NIBNope. Too many sick people, I can'tstand sick people. Next.

COMPUTER'S VOICEScience lab, deck seven.


NIBHold. Who is in science lab atpresent?

COMPUTER'S VOICEThe science lab is empty at present.

NIBPerfect. Thank you, nice computer.

He stands up and goes out the door. On the screen we see aschematic of Y'lan's science lab.

INT. CORRIDOR

Just outside the holodeck. Boyle is downloading a programfrom her padd into the console with Prout holding onto herleg. Grey is standing by them.

COMPUTER'S VOICEProgram complete.

BOYLEThere. I think you'll like this,Prout.

PROUTYes.

The door opens. They walk into...

INT. HOLODECK -- CLOWN WORLD

The scene is a circus ring, with clowns everywhere. Thereare posters on the wall saying WELCOME TO CLOWN WORLD! Theclowns are doing everything you can imagine clowns doing,including juggling, climbing up stepladders with buckets ofwater, unicycling and throwing custard pies at each other.Boyle enters, followed by Prout and Grey.

BOYLEWelcome to Clown World!

GREYYou've got to be kidding.

A clown approaches them.

CLOWNWelcome to Clown World! I'm Chuckles,your guide.

BOYLEChuckles!

She hugs him.


GREYOh my God...

Prout has run off at this point.

CHUCKLESWhat's wrong with him?

BOYLEHe's just not in the mood.

CHUCKLESOh, he's a grumpy grogs then. Smile!

Chuckles grabs Grey's lips and pushes them up to make themsmile.

GREYComputer, delete character: Chuckles.

Chuckles SHIMMERS into nothing.

BOYLEOh, Erik, you're just like Frowns,the clown who forgot how to smile.

GREYI cannot believe you come here forfun.

BOYLEIt's great, isn't it?

Prout reappears with a water pistol and SQUIRTS Grey straightin the face with it. He laughs and runs off again.

GREYOh yes, it's fabulous.

He wipes himself down.

BOYLEHe seems to be enjoying himself,anyway.

GREYI do not appreciate this at all.

BOYLEOh, where's your sense of humor?

GREYI'm sorry, I do not find clownsamusing.


BOYLEOh come on. Lighten up. If you're agood boy, I'll show you my specialplace behind the bleachers.

She's looking at him sexily now.

GREYYour special place, huh?

BOYLEUh huh. Not even Brains, the cleverclown, knows about it.

GREYSounds intriguing...

She leads him off as Prout POURS water over another clown.

INT. TEN FORWARD

Hal is sitting Quinlan up, trying to wake her up. She ismaking small grunting noises, but is still pretty out of it. Dojar enters.

DOJARHal, you haven't seen a rat... What'sgoing on?

HALMiss Quinlan had another episode.

DOJAROh no.

He walks over to them.

DOJAR (CONT'D)Quinlan, Quinlan?

HALShe's moaning every so often, but Ican't seem to bring her out of it.

DOJARHmmm, I know an old Cardassian remedy.Can I use your replicator?

HALSure.

Dojar walks over to it.

DOJARRakitjino, with membari spices andessence of Kalayla root.


It SHIMMERS into view. He takes it and walks back over.

DOJAR (CONT'D)Stand back. Quinlan, drink this.

Quinlan mumbles but takes a sip. Then another. Suddenly hereyes open wide.

QUINLANWater. Water. NOW!

Hal hurries off and gets a jug. He brings it back. Quinlandowns half of it, and shakes her head vigorously.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)Phew, what the hell was that?

DOJARIt's good, isn't it? Come on, let'sget you to bed...

QUINLANWait. Where's the guy that was here?

DOJARWhat guy?

QUINLANSmall, bald, smelled funny. He wasthe one that did this to me.

DOJARWhat?

QUINLANHe gave me something to drink and,bang, I'm out.

DOJAROdd. Crewman?

QUINLANNo. Ambassador.

DOJARThat description doesn't match anyof the Ambassadors I've seen. Was ityour missing one?

QUINLANNo.

(she feels for hercomm)

Damnit, my comm badge isn't here!


DOJARI'll get security onto it. We'llfind him.

QUINLANYeah, like you've found my missingambassador?

DOJARWell, at least we have a descriptionof this one.

QUINLANAnd like you found the rat?

DOJARI wish I hadn't woken you up now.

INT. READY ROOM

Nenli is standing before Portman and Cross, while to oneside Skottry stands looking pleased.

NENLII don't know what you're talkingabout.

CROSSRubbish. You endangered the life ofone of my crewmen, and a fellowAmbassador.

SKOTTRYAnd what's worse, you were cheatingagain!

NENLII was not!

SKOTTRYYou were too! It is expressivelywritten in the rules you only useyour own steam in the race.

NENLIRubbish. Where does it say that?

SKOTTRYParagraph seven, point C. I'll havea copy sent to you. If you can readthem, that is.

NENLIHow dare you! You insolent...


CROSSAmbassador Skottry, I think it mightbe better if you leave.

SKOTTRYAm I to take it the Ambassadorforfeits the race?

NENLII will not. Captain, it is entirelyunfair

CROSSShut up! Both of you! I cannottolerate much more of this. Therace will go ahead, if only to stopthis arguing. However, AmbassadorNenli, you will be punished.

SKOTTRYGive me a five minute start.

NENLIFive minutes? Five minutes? We mightas well not bother racing at all!Five minutes, my foot is what I sayto that sir.

SKOTTRYAnd you say it so well.

CROSSAmbassador Nenli, Admiral Portmanand I believe your world should notbe punished for the actions of oneindividual. As such, talks to allowyour world's entry to membership tothe Federation will continue. However,you are no longer welcome on thisship. You must stay on board yourown from now on. Do I make myselfclear?

NENLIPerfectly.

SKOTTRYHa! You got in trouble.

CROSSThank you, gentlemen, that will beall.

They both nod stiffly and walk out.


CROSS (CONT'D)I don't think this day is ever goingto end.

Portman smiles, and then frowns slightly.

PORTMANNeil. Was that a rat I saw in thecorridor before?

INT. SICKBAY

It is quieter than before, with just Elris and Barke around.Elris checks the sleeping ambassador and then walks throughto her office for a moment. She sighs, takes a sip from hermug. Then she frowns, as she sees the RAT scampering roundand behind a table in her lab. She follows it, but as shedoes so ATKINSON comes in, and the rat runs out.

ELRISDamn. Elris to maintenance, we havea rat down here.

SUPERNUMERARY'S COMM VOICEWe're on it, Doctor.

ATKINSONA rat? I don't believe it.

ELRISToday I'll believe anything.

She walks back through into sickbay's main area. She stopsand stares for a minute.

ELRIS (CONT'D)Oh no...

Barke is nowhere to be seen.

INT. CORRIDOR

Dojar and Quinlan are walking along quickly.

DOJARWith all these strangers wanderingaround, it's imperative we find thisNib of yours.

Suddenly the rat runs into the corridor and stops, staringat them.

QUINLANOh my God. Don't move.

DOJARI wasn't planning on it.


They stare at the rat and the rat stares at them.

DOJAR (CONT'D)Now what?

QUINLANI don't know.

The three continue to stare at each other for a moment.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)I think we're going to have to moveagain.

DOJARBut if we move, he'll run off again.

QUINLANGood point.

BEAT.

DOJARI have a plan.

QUINLANWhat?

Dojar suddenly whips out his PHASER and shoots at the rat.It SQUEAKS and runs like hell again down the corridor.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)Don't shoot it!

DOJARDon't shoot it? It's a rat!

QUINLANPoor little fella.

DOJARPoor little...?! We have to gethim, he's vermin.

QUINLANYou don't like rats very much doyou?

DOJARNo. When I was young, my brothertried to make me eat raw vole. Ithink that's where it comes from.

QUINLANCome on, let's get after it.

AS THEY START TO GO:


COMPUTER'S VOICEIntruder alert! Intruder alert!

DOJARWhat now.

(Taps comm badge)Security team, report.

GUARD 1'S COMM VOICEWe have an unauthorized entry intoY'lan's security lab.

DOJAROn my way. That could be your baldfriend now.

QUINLANOr Ambassador Tooey.

DOJAROr the rat.

QUINLANHell, let's be honest, it could beanyone.

They move out quickly.

INT. Y'LAN'S SCIENCE LAB

With red alarms still flaring, Nib is very calmly continuingto place what looks like a small BOMB under Y'lan's table.He finally pushes a button, and hurries to the door. As heexits it, Barke appears.

BARKEGreetings kind sir. You appear tohave lost your hair. Well, nevermind, you know what they say, hairtoday, gone tomorrow, ha ha!

Nib pushes past him and out. Barke grunts and walks in.

BARKE (CONT'D)Ah-ha! Spiderman's lair. Terrific.

He staggers around for a moment, blearily eyed. He reachesthe table just as a SECURITY TEAM, headed by Dojar, appears.Quinlan is in the background, as is Y'lan. Dojar walks in,and points a phaser at Barke.

DOJARStand away from the table, Ambassador.

BARKEHello, Ambassador.

(MORE)


BARKE (CONT'D)I was just examining this table. Ithas flashing lights, look.

DOJARAmbassador, please.

Barke stands up to his full height, trying to look impressive.

BARKEDon't address me in that uncouthway. I, Cornelius Barke. Esquire.Of the Galactic Concussion ofJacobites, ruler of the third houseof Barke on Joker Prime, holder ofthe sacred keys of Lucky from timeimmemorial. So treat me with respect.

DOJARYou're not well.

BARKEI am fine. Look.

He stands up again, sways suddenly, and falls over. As hedoes so, he grabs at the table, but instead presses the bomb'sbutton. It goes BLEEP and EXPLODES hurtling him across theroom and out the door. He lands in a blackened heap by Y'lan.There is a moment's horrified pause as everyone looks at himand Y'lan.

Y'LANThat's most peculiar. My table hasnever done that before.

OFF THEIR EXPRESSION WE...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT FOUR

RENAISSANCE: "One of Our Ambassadors..." - ACT FIVE 62.

ACT FIVE

EXT. SPACE

The Enterprise continues in orbit. There are several smallercraft around it, buzzing around.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEHello, and welcome to the seventeenthannual solar ship race between theKolaks and the Bolshaks. I'm yourannouncer, Curtis Moss.

(beat)And the crowd is getting very excitedas last minute preparations are beingmade for this most vital of contests.I can tell you, the atmosphere outthere is really building.

INT. SICKBAY

Barke is on the operating table as Elris, Agolive and othersrun around, administering hyposprays and running scans overhim. Dojar and Quinlan watch anxiously as Cross enters.

CROSSHow is he?

QUINLANNot good, Captain. Lea doesn't looktoo happy.

CROSSDo we know who did this?

Dojar holds up a PADD, on which is a picture of Nib leavingTen Forward.

DOJARThis guy. We've identified him asHarrum Nib, a local black marketer.He's involved in a smuggling ringbetween the Bolshaks and Kolaks.

QUINLANI knew something smelled funny withhim.

CROSSWhy would he do this?

DOJARHis ring has profited enormouslyfrom the dispute between the twoworlds -- with normal trade suspended,he has been able to make a fortune

(MORE)


DOJAR (CONT'D)in contraband. I guess he wanted tomake sure this conference didn't goahead.

CROSSThis is impressive work. How did youfind out about him?

DOJARWe asked him.

CROSSPardon?

QUINLANWe have him down in the Brig. It waseasy to trace him, he was stillcarrying my comm badge.

DOJARWe were lucky in a way, thanks toMr. Barke over there, his bomb wastriggered early and so hadn't finishedpriming itself. Another few minutesand we'd have lost the ship.

CROSSI'm sure Mr. Barke will be thrilledto have been so helpful.

Elris comes over. Agolive and the other technicians moveaway from Barke to their instruments along the wall, runningfurther tests.

ELRISHe's stable. The blast didn't do asmuch damage as we'd feared, it wasmostly peripheral.

CROSSHe's indestructible, isn't he?

ELRISI'm going to keep him under sedationfor a few hours.

CROSSTo help him heal?

ELRISCaptain, while he's under sedationhe can not be wandering around theship getting blown up or attacked bya forcefield or plunging to his deathin a turbolift.


CROSSGood point. Thank you, Doctor.

(beat, stares)Erm, Doctor.

ELRISYes?

CROSSI know I'm not a medical man, but Ican't immediately see the practicalapplications of having a rat onAmbassador Barke's face.

They turn round, and look. The RAT is sitting on Barke'sface, washing itself.

QUINLANI know they say opposites attract,but it would appear likes do as well.

CROSSDojar, get the rat. Now.

ELRISComputer, seal off sickbay, all exits.

COMPUTER'S VOICEAcknowledged.

ELRISJust in case.

Dojar painstakingly tiptoes up to the rat. Everyone holdstheir breath. Suddenly Dojar lunges at the rat, which jumps.Dojar sprawls over Barke, and nearly knocks him off. Elrishurries over.

ELRIS (CONT'D)Please don't climb over my patient.

DOJARWhere'd he go?

QUINLANThere!

She hurries into a corner.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)I got him! I got him! Someone giveme something to hold him in!

Elris hurries over with a beaker.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)Don't be ridiculous.


ELRISThat's all I've got. Here.

She grabs the struggling rat and shoves it into the beaker.Dojar comes over.

DOJARHere. Stand back.

Elris puts the beaker onto the table, the rat struggling toget out of it. Dojar aims his phaser at it.

ELRISWait, that's not a non-breakable...

Dojar FIRES. The rat is knocked out, and the beaker isshattered, bits of glasses flying everywhere.

DOJAREveryone all right?

They all pause, and then as one turn and look at BARKE, stillblissfully asleep on his biobed. They walk over slowly andpeer at him.

QUINLANYou see any?

ELRISThere's a bit.

She gently picks up a piece of glass from Barke's chin, whichhas made him bleed slightly. They inspect some more.

ELRIS (CONT'D)All clear.

They all breathe a sigh of relief.

QUINLANNow that wasn't so hard, was it?

They all stare at her.

TALORA'S COMM VOICETalora to Quinlan. Your Mr. Tooey'saide has arrived in the shuttlebay.He wishes to speak to you.

QUINLANOh, dammit. All right, put himthrough down here.

She goes over to a screen and presses a button.

QUINLAN (CONT'D)Quinlan here.


A biped male appears on the screen, with a long snout, raggedyears and whiskers. In short, a rat on two legs.

TOOEY'S AIDEAh, hello. Miss Quinlan? I was justwondering whether you had had anyluck in tracking down Mr. Tooey yet?

Quinlan turns and looks at the unconscious rat on the table.

QUINLANDo you know, I think I might have.I'll be right down.


We are behind the bleachers. Grey and Boyle are cuddled uptogether. In the distance we can hear the clown circuscontinuing.

GREYI'm beginning to see the attractionsof Clown World.

BOYLEI knew you would. Do you think weshould check on Prout?

GREYNo, I'm sure he's fine.

PROUT (O.S.)I can see your boobies.

They look up, aghast. Prout is watching them from above.

PROUT (CONT'D)I saw everything!

GREYThat's it! Come here, you little...

He gets up as Prout runs off. Boyle pulls the angry engineerback.

BOYLEErik! Remember, he's an Ambassador'sson.

GREYI know, I'm just fed up of him. Allday, he's been at me, at me, at me.It's like being in the war all overagain.

BOYLECome on. We'd better go get him.


GREYI'll go and get him. You shouldhave seen his parents, they were allover him. Spoiled little brat.

They walk round into the main circus ring. They look around.

GREY (CONT'D)Prout? Prout?

BOYLECome on, honey, we've got to go.

Suddenly they hear a CRY, Grey turns round and receives aCUSTARD PIE straight in his face. Prout laughs as he runsoff again.

PROUTYou won't want to kiss him againnow!

GREY(beyond angry now)

Dammit, I don't care if his fatheris President of the Galaxy, that'sit! Computer, arch.

The arch SHIMMERS into view.

BOYLE(warningly)

Erik, what are you doing? Erik, becareful. Don't do anything you'llregret now. What are you doing?

GREYJust making some modifications tothe program. There.

He turns back to Boyle, smiling evilly.

GREY (CONT'D)Now we wait.

EXT. SPACE

The Enterprise is sitting in space, with the two SOLAR SHIPSjust in front of it. Another little ship, the COMMENTATOR'SPOD, circles around.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEHere we go. The contestants areprimed, the ships are ready, and weare now just awaiting the signalfrom the starters.

(MORE)


COMMENTATOR'S VOICE (CONT'D)The race takes place over ten klacks,and the ships will be going at speedsof up to four hundred klicks an hour,an impressive speed by anyone'sstandards.

INT. TEN FORWARD

A LARGE CROWD have gathered to see the race. Cross andPortman stand there too, watching.

PORTMANThis had better go to plan.

CROSSI'm sure it'll be fine.

Portman gives Cross a scathing look.


Boyle and Grey stand in the center of the ring, Grey lookingsmug.

GREYOh Prout, it's time to go. Come on,son.

BOYLEHere he is.

Prout appears, holding something behind his back. He walksup slowly to the two of them.

GREY(whispers to Boyle)

Here we go. Three.

EXT. SPACE

A small BUOY above the two markers has three lights on it.The first goes out.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEHere we go! Get ready for action!Three!

The second light goes out.

INT. NENLI'S SHIP -- ENGINEERING

Nenli and Number Two stand poised.

NENLIHere we go.


INT. SKOTTRY'S SHIP -- BRIDGE

SKOTTRY looks tense too.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICETwo.


BOYLE and GREY as before, PROUT almost up to them now.

GREYOne.

INT. TEN FORWARD

Same as before. We can hear the commentator's voice over thecomm system.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEGo! And they're off.

People lean forward, peering out of the window.


As before. PROUT is almost up to GREY and BOYLE.

GREYNow, computer!

He pulls Boyle back as an AVALANCHE of CUSTARD falls downonto Prout, absolutely drenching him in the stuff. He screamsout as Grey grins.

INT. TEN FORWARD

The crowd as before. Cross and Portman frown.

PORTMANHas the race actually started?

CROSSI... think so.

They peer out.

EXT. SPACE

The two SOLAR SHIPS are moving extremely slowly.

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEThere they go! The Kolak ship is inthe early lead, going roughly threehundred clicks to the Bolshaks twoseven five. My goodness, look atthem go!


INT. TEN FORWARD

The crowd cheer as they are from the Ambassador's races,they are used to this speed. Portman watch.

PORTMANHow far are is the course?

CROSSHalf a light year.

PORTMANBut that'll take them

CROSSSix years, four months and sevendays. Mr Skottry informs me theychange crews every two months.

Portman looks at him.

CROSS (CONT'D)Well, while they're racing, they'renot feuding, and they can join theFederation.

PORTMANAnd what happens when they win?

CROSSOh, we'll worry about that when wecome to it.

See you in six years?

PORTMANAbsolutely.

INT. HOLODECK

Prout is still blubbing, Grey is looking pleased with himselfand Boyle is amazed.

BOYLEErik, what have you done?

PROUTWah! You just wait until I tell myfather. You are going to wish you'dnever been born!

GREYThat's fine. We'll call him now.Computer, open a line to AmbassadorJ'lak.


COMPUTER'S VOICEComm link established.

J'LAK'S COMM VOICEJ'lak here.

PROUTDaddy! He's covered me in boo! I'mhead to toe in poo!

J'LAK'S COMM VOICEWhat? Who has? What's going on?

GREYAmbassador, could you come down tothe holodeck, please,

J'LAK'S COMM VOICEOn my way, and you had better have agood explanation for this. J'lakout.

BOYLEErik, I Grey holds up a finger.

GREYComputer, end program.

The holodeck scene SHIMMERS into nothing. Everythingdisappears, including of course the custard covering Prout.He looks around.

PROUTWhat the...?

GREYOh dear, oh dear, Prout. Your Dad'snot going to be very happy when hefinds you've been making a fuss aboutthings is he?

PROUTBut the holodeck...?

GREYProut, as a keen technical wizard,you should have known that everythingwould disappear. You don't want tolook stupid, do you?

Silence. Prout pouts. The holodeck door OPENS and AMBASSADORJ'LAK and his WIFE enters.

J'LAKNow, what is... Prout? Is everythingalright?


Grey raises an eyebrow at Prout.

PROUT(mumbles)

It's fine.

GREYWe were just having some fun andgames. Your son is quite a shot witha water pistol.

J'LAKAh yes, takes after his old man. I'mwell known for how I handle my pistol.

MADAME J'LAKDid you thank Lieutenant Fey forhaving a nice day?

PROUT(still mumbling)

Thank you.

J'LAKGood man. Thank you very much, Lt,I'm sure he learned a lot.

GREYYes, I'm sure he did. Good day.

The J'laks lead Prout out.

BOYLEBye, Prout.

She blows him a kiss. Prout looks at her and BEAMS again.The door closes.

GREYWhat'd you do that for?

BOYLEYou are very mean.

GREYI know, but I couldn't stand it. Ihad to do something.

BOYLEWell, I'm glad you enjoyed ClownWorld in the end.

GREYIn the end? Are we finished hereyet? There were some areas I don'tthink we explored fully yet.


He wraps his arm around her.

BOYLEComputer, start program again.

As Clown World shimmers into view again, they walk togethertowards the bleachers.

EXT. SPACE

The Enterprise, still hanging space. The two SOLAR SHIPS arestill fairly close by, moving almost imperceptibly away.

CROSS (V.O.)Captain's Log, Stardate 78516.9. Theconference is over and, after a few...

(beat)...minor mishaps, I think we can sayit was a success. Ambassador Tooeyis reunited with his translator, whohas restored the Ambassador's medicineto him, so he is no longer confused. But then, confusion hasn't beenexactly rare this weekend…

INT. CORRIDOR

Ambassador Barke, on crutches, is being led down the corridorby Elris, with Cross and Portman walk alongside.

BARKE(uncertainly)

And I saved the day?

CROSSYes, Ambassador, without you theship would have been blown up.

BARKEAnd before that? I can't remember athing since stepping on board ofthis ship.

CROSSNothing happened. At all.

BARKEThe conference?

CROSSOh no, you were good at theconference. A big help.

PORTMANI think it's fair to say that youroratory skills be not be forgottenin a hurry.


BARKEWell, I'm not surprised. After all,I am Cornelius Barke. Esquire. Ofthe...

BARKE, CROSS AND ELRIS(in unison)

...Galactic Consortium of Jolans,ruler of the third house of Barke onJolan Prime, holder of the sacredkeys of Loki from time immemorial.

BARKEOh. Did I mention that?

CROSSYes, I think you might have done.Once or twice.

They stand at a junction.

CROSS (CONT'D)This is where we part company. Goodluck, Ambassador Barke.

They SHAKE hands, as do Barke and Portman. Elris leads himoff down one corridor...

BARKEAnd who was that again?

...while Portman and Cross go down another.

CROSSThank God he's gone.

PORTMANOh, I don't know. I think his bark...

CROSS(warning)

Don't say it.

PORTMAN...was worse than his bite.

He CHUCKLES at his own joke.

CROSSHow long have you been waiting tosay that?

PORTMANAll weekend. Come on, Neil, I'll buyyou a drink.

He puts his hand round Cross's shoulder as they walk off.


EXT. SPACE

We see Ambassador's Barke's SHUTTLE leave as, in the distancethe SOLAR SHIPS continue to make their snail like progress...

COMMENTATOR'S VOICEAnd the Bolshak ship appears to betrying to cut in front of the Kolakship. My goodness, I haven't seen amaneuver like that since the greatland race of 2391.

There is the sound of a CLICK. The screen goes black insteadof our usual...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT FIVE

THE END

Documents

STAR TREK: RENAISSANCE James Sampson · I don't think anyone can be that unlucky, Ambassador. INT. ENGINEERING Grey and Kinnan are still working to lower the forcefield. Prout continues