Stress and Family Coping

The story of stress… getting our bearings(57 slides)

Creatively compiled by dr. michael farnworth

“Stress kills slowly, suppressing the immune system, shutting down growth, and eroding memory and the ability to learn.”

Robert Sapolsky, Professor of Neurology at Stanford University.

There are not many environmental factors more stressful than personal/family relationships that are caught in the cycle of tension, conflict and hostility.

If we can understand the dynamics of the stress response then maybe we can apply some of that understanding to healing from our own self-generated stress.

We need to see stress as being generated by our own inner systems of trying to control and manipulate our environments in ways that destroy our balance and sense of peace.

“He who wants to have right without wrong, order without disorder, does not understand the principles of heaven and earth.

He does not know how things hang together.”

Chuang Tzu

How things hang together…

• There seems to be an oppositional reality to each paradigm of reality and both are necessary for the whole to exist.

• This compound is vital to our reality and seems to be the very foundation of Life with oppositional opposites.

A very old Chinese Taoist story describes a farmer in a poor country village. He was considered very well-to-do, because he owned a horse which he used for ploughing and for transportation.

One day his horse ran away. All his neighbors exclaimed how terrible this was, but the farmer simply said, "Maybe." A few days later the horse returned and brought two wild horses with it. The neighbors all rejoiced at his good fortune, but the farmer just said, Maybe.

The next day the farmer's son tried to ride on of the wild horses; the

horse threw him and broke his leg. The neighbors all offered their sympathy for his misfortune, but he again said, Maybe.

The next week conscription officers came to the village to take the young

men for the army. They rejected the farmer's son because of his broken leg. When the neighbors told him how lucky he was, the farmer replied, Maybe.

The meaning that any event has, depends upon the frame in which we

perceive it. When we change the frame, we change the meaning.

The fight or flight response : The Physical reflexive system for dealing with perceived environmental threats. The fight or flight response mobilizes our body's energies for external activity: to either fight the sensed threat or run from it. Neurochemicals are released in the brain, glucose floods the system, and blood is shunted from the brain to the muscles for muscular activity. The learning potential of an individual drops sharply during the fight or flight response.

The relaxation response : A phrase coined by Herbert Benson, the relaxation response can be learned to relieve stress and anxiety and ameliorate constant low-grade arousal in our bodies. When relaxed, the brain's electrical activity drops and oxygen going to the brain increases, thus, increasing the body's natural ability to learn and retain information.

Here is a startling fact:

In a world that changes so rapidly that computers are outdated the moment they are marketed, our body's response to physical and psychological threats has hardly changed a wit since our ancestors were busy hunting mammoths.

We survive such challenges by maintaining homeostasis, a delicate, dynamic equilibrium.

If that harmony is disrupted, an exquisite repertoire of neural and biochemical events in the brain and in the endocrine and immune systems is jolted into action to counter the effects of the physical or psychological stressor and to reestablish homeostasis.

If homeostasis is not reset, debilitating illness results.”

The Power of Naming

• Naming is a fascinating phenomenon.

• Naming implies relationship to and a sense of participation with.

• Naming also connotes power to articulate the nature and identity of something.

• Naming is often the beginning of the relationship with.

• If naming does not occur then the person or concept or idea cannot enter into a meaningful relationship with you.

• If naming cannot occur the enigma remains.

Primary Stress

• Primary stress is the spiritual loss of the inner sanctuary and disconnect with the self.

• It is caused by the narcissistic disturbance of not having basic needs meant as a child.

• It is a state of dissonance where the spirit of the child has to engage in survival mood altering behavior that may be inconsistent with their true selves.

• • Primary stress is the cause of the self nurturing behaviors

that lead to inauthenticness, role playing fantasy bonds and addictions.

But what am I?An infant crying in the night?An infant crying for the light:with no language but a cry!

Alfred Tennyson

The causes of primary stress are:

• Abuse and Trauma

• Abandonment and Neglect

• Enmeshment and Absorption

Secondary Stress

• Secondary stress is the stress that arises from living in a system that is addictive in nature and requires addictive living to survive in it.

• The addictive living, because of its dishonest, controlling nature, creates a state of disequilibrium that constantly assaults our sense of balance and harmony.

• This dissonance is relieved by mood altering agents that provide some relief from the uncomfortable energies but does nothing to solve the problem of healing from the primary stress which created the genesis of secondary stress.

Due to the stress in our lives and the discomfort it causes we often turn to things which make us feel better.

These things can be found in the normal course of living life and can help us cope.

The problem is they become addictive in nature and end up creating more stress and problems in our life!

The solution of dealing with stress becomes the problem!

The real cause

The real cause of addiction/stress is what we learn about ourselves and our feelings as children.

It’s about violence, the pain of neglect, the losses and traumas of our childhood.

Addiction comes from despair.

Terry Kellogg, Broken Toys- Broken Dreams p. 79

Addiction is a kind of procrastinated healing

Ideas from Terry Kellogg

• Addiction is a pathological, recurring relationship with any mood altering event, experience, person or thing that causes major life problems.

• “It is the relationship with the substance, experience or person that goes awry”

• Addiction is the process of decreasing choice.

• Addiction involves a set of compulsions, highs, habits, fantasies, ritual, settings and beliefs that become repetitive, designed to produce a desired goal.

The nature of change…

• First order change: change that occurs within a system but the system itself does not change. Example: re-arranging the furniture in a house or exchanging one addiction for another.

• Second order change: change that occurs to the system. Example: It is the remodeling of the house that occurs and not just the furniture being moved around or healing from primary stress.

A well known saying…

• The more things change the more they remain the same.

• Most of the change in our lives is 1st order in nature, more of the same, etc.

• 2nd order change is what real change is all about. It is a higher order change.

Homeostasis Primary Stress Survival Mode

Stressed Out Active Addicts Self Nurturing Behaviors

Elevated Tolerance Levels Role Plays/Fantasy Bonds

Stress Coping Mechanisms Addictive Secondary Stress

Closed in Loop of Cyclic Addictive-Stressful Living

Primary Stress

Breaking into the Loop

• The ability to break into the loop has the best chance of succeeding, if the break occurs at the source of the cycle.

• If the beginning is changed the system will be changed, and maybe 2nd order change will result. There are no guarantees.

• If change occurs within the loop itself it almost is certain 1st order change will result.

Treating the symptoms is 1st order change

• Stress management treats the symptoms and not the issues of the dis-ease.

• It focuses on survival behaviors while ignoring the source and cause of the stress.

• It will teach people to manage their disequalibrium but not correct it.

• It will create distortions, minimizing, grandiosity, intellectualizing and rationalizing.

The dishonesty…

• Stress management is the dishonesty manifested to continue living in a toxic and destructive addictive system without killing ourselves.

• If the roots are diseased --the fruit will be tainted.

• Stress management is the coping behavior used to continue living an addictive life style.

The invitation…

• My invitation to you is to explore within your own heart and mind an understanding of the issues that will be addressed.

• I hope that you have courage to learn and make changes where you feel the energy.

• You are on an adventure of discovering and living your life so I hope you will take your self and the adventure seriously.

The definition of Stress:

• Stress is the body and brain’s response to change… homeostasis is the desired state of any system and stress to the system occurs anytime there is change.

General Adaptation Syndrome to stress…

• 1st Stage: Alarm reaction, in this stage the fight-flight response is activated.

• 2nd Stage: Resistance-adaptation, in this stage the body will try and return to a state of balance via hormones and physiological adjustments.

• • 3rd Stage: Exhaustion, in this stage the body has run out of

reserves and gives into fatigue, lowered immunity and illness.

The fight-flight reflex of stress and survival:

• No sensation of pain

• Numbing

• Thinking becomes clear and sharp

• Complexion going white

• Heart speeds up and pumps more

• Digestive system shuts off

• Immune system lowers it’s defenses

• Becomes strong and tense

There is a good or up side to stress…

• Stress helps us to function “under the gun” so to speak, when the pressure is on.

• Stress helps us to meet the challenges of everyday life. It keeps us on our toes.

• Stress keeps us sharp when threat or success - bad things or good things - happen to us.

There is also a bad or down side to stress…what follows are potential negative effects that stress has upon the body and spirit:

Central Nervous System

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Fatigue

• Agitation and disturbance

Cardiovascular System

• Impaired heart function

• Angina (recurring chest pain due to lack of oxygen to the heart)

• High blood pressure

• Fat and cholesterol deposits in arteries

Digestive System

• Stomach upsets

• Diarrhea

• Gastritis

• Colitis

• Irritable bowl syndrome • Peptic ulcers

• Canker sores in mouth

Respiratory System

• Asthma

• Over breathing or hyper-ventilating

Musculoskeletal System

• Tension in skeletal muscles and joints

• Predisposition to arthritis

• Bone density loss (osteoporosis)

Immune System

• Weakened defenses, with lowered resistance to infections

• Viral illnesses due to depleted immune defense system

• Allergies

• Cancer

Endocrine System

• Menstrual disorders

• Thyroid disorders

• Adrenal hypo-function

Reproductive System

• Infertility

• Impotence

• Disorder of desire

Skin

• Eczema• Psoriasis• Rashes• Hives

General

• Tissue degeneration

• Acceleration of aging process

• Sleep impairments

• Memory and recall impairments

Absorb these points

• It has been estimated by some that 80% of illness and disease is related to the effects of stress in our lives.

• Disease and illness (physical, emotional) are brought on by maladaptive attempts to adjust or regulate the systems once they are chronically out of balance.

Our goal in this lesson is to…

• A. Gain a basic understanding of the stress response.• B. Become familiar and learn (you can start now) the

terminology of the physiology of the stress response.• C. Seeing the big picture of stress… we will fill in the smaller

parts as we continue thru the semester.

To begin, understand Homeostasis!

• Homeostasis is the tendency of the body and spirit systems to remain in balance, harmony and equilibrium.

• The two balancing forces for the body are anabolic (which

is to build up) and catabolic (which is to tear down).

• The two balancing forces for the nervous system are the sympathetic (speed up) and the parasympathetic (slow down)

systems.

The Autonomic Nervous System

• The autonomic system is so named because it functions autonomously and independently from our conscious self.

• It is made up of the sympathetic system which speeds up things for survival and…

• The parasympathetic system, which slows things down when it is safe.

Homeostasis is the state of harmony between oppositional systems.

• Anabolic• Build up• Agitation• Stimulate• Sympathetic• Speed up• Gas• Constrict• On

• Catabolic• Break down• Calm• Sooth• Parasympathetic• Slow down• Brake• Relax• Off

We need to understand four components of the Stress Response…

• 1st: The brain parts involved with stress and nervous system communications (i.e. Neurotransmitters).

• 2nd: The endocrine system, glands and hormones.

• 3rd: The addictive process and related issues.

• 4th: The cultural and societal etiology (origins) of stress and addictions.

A general description of the process…

• When a threatening event occurs the system is put into action by virtue of the amygdala, which is the center for processing fear, threat and panic. If the event has occurred before the memory is stored in the hippocampus. The thalamus receives the sensory data and passes on the data to the cerebral cortex as the message is relayed to the hypothalamus which communicates with the endocrine system and the autonomic nervous system.

Areas of the Brain

1. The parts of the brain…

• *The Amygdala: the fear, pain threat and memory center for the first 3 years.

• *The Prefrontal Cortex: acts as the executive branch of energy and emotions, positive & negative.

• *The Hippocampus: the memory center for learning and emotions after the first 3 years.

• *The Thalamus: the last pit stop for the incoming sensory data before sending it on to the cerebral cortex.

• *The Hypothalamus: The master control center for keeping the body and spirit in balance and harmony (i.e. homeostasis).

2. The parts of the endocrine system…

• *The Hypothalamus: releases CRH/F corticotrophin releasing hormone/ factor

• *The Pituitary Gland: releases ACTH andrenocorticotrophic hormone

• *The Adrenal Glands: releases adrenalin and cortisol• These three form an important :“H-P-A Axis”• To a lesser degree (in the sense we are not going to talk about

much)…• The thyroid gland (hormones for growth and repair)• The gonads (hormones for sexual response and reproduction)

3. The addictive process…

• Mood altering: the act of changing the mood (via neurotransmitters) by turning to substances, activities or persons.

• Templates: patterns of reinforced behavior, unique to the individual

• Triggers: Cues from the environment that set off the neurological templates

• Tolerance: the process of becoming satiated and needing more to obtain the high.

• Denial: the act of not acknowledging there is a ‘problem’ with the mood altering substance, activity or person.

“The process of addiction is no less than a chemical assault upon the brain that alters the structure of its neuron circuitry.”

4. The cultural and societal etiology of stress and addictions…

• The Over-tangle: a network of negative energy and paradigms that contaminate a major portion of the culture and society.

• The Mirror Effect: The culture and society reflecting back the dynamics of the individual addictive process.

• • The Mechanistic-Materialistic Paradigm: a reality that is

created by man, based upon the Newtonian model of reality.

The stressors of everyday life

• Not getting enough sleep• Staying up too late, sleeping late• Low blood sugar, going hungry• Sugar spikes during the day (i.e. junk food)• Caffeine, nicotine, stimulants• Nasty people with free will• Deadlines, goals and imposed responsibilities• Energy outbursts, anger, distress, fear• Work, obligations, family, relationships

Primary stress in the family is caused by a myriad of factors but mostly being too busy, too tired, too threatened by fears and dark fantasies we

nurture when things don’t go our way.

Children are stressed by parent’s anger and intensity.

If parents just had a high priority for getting enough sleep, exercising, eating well and meditating for a short time. Good things would happen

within the family.

Second order change can be brought about by the parents better understanding the dynamics of their own childhoods and being awakened

to the psychological healing that would promote for their own children and spouse with this awakening from their own deep slumber.

the end