Emotional Intelligence in a Nutshell

Student Development and Counselling

Emotional intelligence

noun: emotional intelligencethe capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically."emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success"

What are emotions?

A piece of information that tells you something about how you are experiencing your world.

Are one thing common to all thus provides a sense of community Are experienced internally and expressed externally All emotions are forms of energy and can provide motivation Are both consciously and unconsciously generated Are modified by the socialisation process and genetic makeup of

a person (temperament) Are not good or bad – they just are…………….

Types of emotions

Self awareness

http://joshuaspodek.com/model-cognitive-behavioral-therapy

These relationships are depicted below:

6 seconds

Emotions and the brain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNY0AAUtH3g

Stop: pause for 6 seconds

Take a breath: one slow calm breath

Observe: What am I thinking?What am I reacting to?What am I feeling in my body?

Pull Back: Put in some perspective. See the bigger picture. Is this fact or opinion.

Practice/proceed: What’s the best thing to do for me, for others, for the situation?

STOPP

Strategies to manage emotions

Description Sample ActivitiesCognitive strategies Challenging your thoughts or letting

them go

Physical strategies Meditation, yoga, guided imagery, breathing regulation, exercise, grounding

Withdrawal/avoidance Step away from person, situation or activity

Pleasurable activities Humour, hobbies, socialising

Emotional dialogue Venting, talking with others

Indirect tension relaxant TV, chocolate, coffee, movies

Direct tension relaxant Medication

Cognitive strategies

Disputation – find different ways to think about asituation……◦ Evidence - What evidence do you have to justify the

thoughts and feelings you have?◦ Thinking errors – Am I thinking irrationally about the

situation? (What thinking errors are you making?)◦ Alternatives - What are other possible causes of the

situation? Are there other perspectives??◦ Implications - Is reacting in this way going to help or

hinder?◦ Usefulness - Sometimes the consequences of holding

a thought are more destructive than the thought itself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LhLjpsstPY

Recognising emotions in others

Passive: I don’t count, so you can take advantage of me. My feelings, needs and thoughts are less important than yours. I’ll put up with anything.

Assertive:This is what I think. This is how I feel. This is how I see the situation. How about you? If our needs conflict, I am certainly ready to explore our differences and I may be prepared to compromise.

Aggressive:This is what I think, what I want and what I feel. What matters to you isn’t important.

Expressing your feelings to others

Expressing yourself assertively

“I” statements:I feel/ I’ve noticed…When you…because…I would prefer/could you please…

Example:

“You have given me too much work”

“I feel overwhelmed because of all thework I have to do, is there anyway Ican delegate this to someone else?”

Summary… Be aware of how situations impact your

thoughts, feelings and physical reactions and how these may influence your behaviours.

Listen to verbal cues and observe non-verbal cues of others

Use “I” statements not “you” statements STOPP (stop, take breath, observe, pull back,

practice/proceed) Don’t immediately believe all of your thoughts-

challenge them! Do regular self-care activities

More reserved= move to leftMore outgoing= move to right

THE DISC EXERCISE

To the more outgoing group…

Move to front of the room if you describe yourself as someone who:

Seeks challenges Tells it how it is Get the job down fast and efficiently Focus on achieving results Takes initiative

To the more outgoing group…

Move to the back of the room if you describe yourself as someone who:

Generates enthusiasm in others Likes working with others Make sure there is time to talk Focus on overall vision Skim over detail

To the more reserved group…

Move to front of the room if you describe yourself as someone who:

Pays attention to detail Approaches tasks systematically and

thoroughly Set very high standards Thinks critically and analytically Organise tasks, files, drawers, cupboards

well

To the more reserved group…

Move to the back of the room if you describe yourself as someone who:

Work well as part of a team Make yourself available for others Maintain current arrangements Take time to listen and consult Smooth problems over to maintain a good

relationship

What are the strengths of your style?

What do you feel uncomfortable about in your style? Limitations?

What do you value about the other styles in the room? What do you find difficult about them?

Small group discussion questions

How would you approach another person who is causing you a difficulty? Think of what you would say, the time, the place and the setting.

How would you like to be approached if you were someone who was causing difficulty?

Share responses with larger group

Discussion question