Synopsis focus group

7/27/2019 Synopsis focus group

1/22

What did you like about the synopsis, if anything?

C-Its detailed and it is easy to imagine it.A-I like how the synopsis is calm then escalates, I also like the tension built when reading

towards the end.J-I enjoyed the strong comedic sense created through the protagonists search for the perfect

weapon to use.

Stakes were high; therefore the synopsis had a lot of tension.

The setting of a caravan creates a very tight unification of time, place and action.

The ending is shocking, and in that sense quite effective.

H-I like the attention to detail. I can easily picture the scene in my head.

Evaluation:

Twice people said they like the attention to detail, and how it is easy to imagine. People also

liked the tension due to the high stakes, and how it escalates. The tight unification of

time, place and action was touched upon as well, with one person saying how the setting of a

caravan is good for creating this. Lastly, they said the ending was effective because it was

shocking. They have told me that my ending is shocking, but i have not got a reason why,

therefore i do not know why it is shocking, and how i can keep it shocking. However, the

acknowledgement of both the tension and the stakes shows that one thing compliments the

other.


2/22

What did you not like?C-Nothing. It was awesome.

A-I didn't like how it was not explained who was making the loud noises.J- I feel as though the emotion portrayed in the story is too extreme. This is first signified by thewomans cry. The descent into these pits of rage feels too sharp. Of course, the most obviousinstance of this is in the ending. I find it hard to believe that a father (assuming the man is a

father and the person making the disruption is his child) would resort to using a gun against his

child because of loud television. As the child watching the television mustve lived with the

father for years, his reaction to a procedure that must occur often is perhaps too drastic; it

makes me wonder why the psychopathic man has not shot him before this. Of course, this is

notably a special occasion, but what about last years special occasion? It is difficult to believe

that a father would eradicate his child so readily due to such a petty annoyance. I agree that a

disregard for life is indeed an issue in todays society, and child abuse is also an issue. However,

the mood swing is done in such a way that it is mechanical. To improve this aspect of the story,

it might be advisable to re-evaluate the childs methods of annoyance, perhaps to something

that might physically interfere with their actions rather than simply annoying them throughnoise.

The third character, which is most probably the child, is somewhat loosely defined. Although

ambiguity is usually a good thing in these kinds of situations, something awful happens to this

character at the end of your synopsis. To increase the dramatic impact, it may be worth

introducing this child as a character, rather than a loosely defined concept.

The ending not being shown serves a slight anti-climax. To build a crescendo only through

implications is somewhat disheartening.

H- It seemed a little disjointed at points as the atmosphere changed. It felt a little snappy and

strange, however, that could just be me.

Evaluation:A common flaw that nearly everyone mentioned was the ending, and how

it was not explained who was making the loud noises. Building a crescendo only

through implications is somewhat disheartening, and creates an anti-climax. Another

issues was the emotion portrayed within the characters, it was said that they were too

extreme, and too sharp, evident in both the womans cry, and the mans rage. Also,

questions were raised about the realism of the synopsis, as it is hard to believe that a

fatherwould resort to using a gun against his child because of loud television which is

an occurrence that must have happened often. The third character is also too loosely

defined and should be explained more. Lastly, the atmosphere changes at points, whichcan make the synopsis seem disjointed. So, for my next draft i will make drastic

changes to the ending, and some overall elements like the tone, to create a synopsis that

is better rounded.


3/22

How could the story be improved?C-I dont know. Like I said before, it was awesome.A-By telling the reader who is making the cheering and shouting noises.J-To improve this aspect of the story, it might be advisable to re-evaluate the childs methods of

annoyance, perhaps to something that might physically interfere with their actions rather than

simply annoying them through noise.

To increase the dramatic impact, it may be worth introducing this child as a character, rather

than a loosely defined concept.

H-See above. I have honestly no idea whats going on when the cheering starts and Im not

entirely sure whats happening and its a little strange. Why do they shoot him? Im just slightly

confused about that.

Evaluation:Extending upon the last question, improvements have been suggested. The main

flaw that I see needs correcting is the ending. It needs to be explained, and the reader needs to

know who is making the cheering and shouting noises, otherwise it is confusing-introducing

this child as a character also increases the dramatic impact. Also, it might be wise to re-think

the childs methods of annoyance, maybe making the child psychically interfere. Therefore, I

will make these improvements to my third draft.


4/22

What would you change about the synopsis?C-The length.A-The location. I like the location that its in but I think it would be better in a house. I think

its probably because you see most horrors with murder like this in a house.J-I would attempt to rectify the two problems above that I think exist in the present synopsis.

H- I would probably add more detail, but I feel as though youve chosen to leave it out for a

reason.

Evaluation:This was interesting as I agreed strongly with some answers, but disagreed strongly with others.

For example, I agree that the length ofthe synopsis should change. I believe that the length

should be shortened; otherwise it runs the risk of becoming boring. However, I disagree that

the location should be changed as it is my opinion that the caravans tight interior increases

the tension, and gives a nice unity between time, place and action.


5/22

Did it make you feel anything? What?C-It made me laugh, I dont know why but it could be because the woman seriously over-reacts.

A-It made me feel tense and worried for the noisemakers as the man was looking through the

drawer and cupboards then walking to the door.J-The suspense was carried very well, and as a result I felt compelled to keep reading the

synopsis.

H- I felt a little sorry for the guy, but otherwise, not really.

Evaluation:This question generated a diverse range of answers, meaning that my synopsis

achieves various emotions within the readers, and should subsequently do the same for viewers

of the short film. One person said they felt a little sorry for the guy, showing that my synopsis

can create true feelings within people, one of them being sympathy. Another person said they

felt compelled to keep reading because the suspense was carried well. Lastly, someone saidthey felt tense and worried which was the main feeling I was hoping to achieve.


6/22

Can you visualise it? What were the most visual moments for you?C-The part at the beginning when theyre drinking champagne and talking about their

relationship.A-I can visualise the synopsis well as it is well described. The most visual moments for me were

the two people sitting in the red glow, then when the man is looking through the drawers andcupboards and walking towards the door with a meat cleaver in his hand.J-I can visualize the script fairly well. The most visual moment for me when the man is trying to

find the perfect weapon to use against the child. This is something of a trope in film, and is a

familiar sequence to the audience. Therefore, it is bound to be the most visual.

H- At the beginning, when theyre drinking champagne and food is in the microwave, etc. That

part was very well done in creating an image.

Evaluation:Everybody said that they could visualise the synopsis. Half stated that they could

visualise when the man is trying to find the perfect weapon by looking through drawers and

cupboards. However, the other half said they could visualise the beginning, when theyre

drinking champagne and talking about theirrelationship. The fact that the most visual

moments were at the beginning and the end says something positive about my synopsis, but it

also means I should try and develop the middle.


7/22

Did you read it in one sitting?C-Yes.A-YesJ-I did.

H- Yes

Evaluation: Everybody said they read it in one sitting. This could be a positive thing, and

mean that they followed it easily, and were satisfied enough by that one reading that they did

not feel it necessary to read it again. However, it could be a negative thing, and mean that

they did not enjoy it enough, or it was not immersive enough for them to want to read it

again.


8/22


9/22

Did it have an impact on you? Which part?C-When the man cleaned the meat cleaver because it had some dirt on it. Its good to know

there are still murderers out there who believe in general hygiene.A-Yes, the murder as it makes you think about what some people could be capable of in some

situations.J-As a piece of drama, I felt that the tension created had an impact on me. Although I confess I

dont particularly understand the question. What kind of an impact do you mean everything

makes an impact on you to some extent.

H- Not particularly.

Evaluation:The answers to this question showed that the synopsis made people think about philosophical,

and deeper issues such as what some people are capable of in some situations. This is exactly

the type of moral issue i was hoping to convey through my synopsis.


10/22

Did you identify any themes and issues?C-I can identify with the hatred of loud noises.

A-I think that it may show the issue of mental stability and illness, as most people would not

murder someone for playing loud music and shouting and cheering. I think the theme is anger

and horror.J-Lower working class Britain: assuming that the family live in a caravan for financial reasons

as oppose to cultural ones, I interpreted this as the most important topic, in that it evokes both

themes and issues. The problems with privacy, living conditions and the violent mentality of its

people are all evident here.H- From what I can tell, the woman seems vaguely unstable. That could be because of the

absence of backstory to give explanation for her emotional reactions.

Evaluation: Everybody was able to identify themes and issues within the synopsis. A few

people mentioned an issue of mental stability as the woman seems vaguely unstable, andthe man has a violent mentality that comes to light when he murders someone for playing

loud music and shouting and cheering. One person found the hatred for loud noises

relatable, and another identified many issues and themes such as lower working class

britain, a problem with privacy and living condition. However, i do not know what they

think of these themes and issues.


11/22

What genre and/or tone did you identify?C-Black comedy and social realism.A-Horror, its dark as you do not expect him to murder the noisemakersJ-A strong sense of Black Comedy. The subject in itself is incredibly bleak and dark, though it istreated in a much lighter way than it usually would.

H- Im guessing its a thriller. He did just kill someone.Evaluation: Many different genres were identified within the synopsis. One person gave a

reason for black comedy saying that the subject in itself is incredibly bleak and dark, though it

is treated in a much lighter way than it usually would.


12/22

Did you find the protagonists situation relatable?...problem, behaviour, and stakes.

Why?C-Yes because I also hate really loud noises.A-Yes. Its relatable to because everyone can find himself or herself in a situation where

something is going well and then is messed up. Also when we get angry we can say things or do

things in the moment, not as extreme as this but it is relatable to.J-I found the protagonists situation relatable in their annoyance at being disrupted by noisy

people. This is something everybody can relate too, and is strong because of it. However, I do

not find his behaviour relatable. His actions are those of a cold-blooded murderer, whose erratic

decision to supposedly shoot his child is done without so much as a hesitation.

H- Not in synopsis form, but I might if it were a visual thing.

Evaluation:The majority said that they could relate to the mans annoyance at being disrupted by noisy

people. I can understand how this is the most relatable, as this is the biggest theme and issue

within the synopsis. Although they can relate to getting angry and saying or doing things in the

moment, they also acknowledge that its rarely this extreme. I believe that i could keep this

relatability whilst also making it more realistic by changing the ending.


13/22

If you could sum up the theme of the story, what would it be?C-Noise pollution.A-That a man is having dinner with his girlfriend, is interrupted gets angry and kills the people

who interrupted.J-Brutality and dysfunction within poverty stricken Britain.

H- Noise pollution and how it can affect people.


14/22

Do you think the story works in the 5 min time frame? Why? C-Yes because it would be difficult to build a bigger story around it and it gets to the main point

very quickly which suits the genre.A-Yes, because its not too complicated and there isn't too much dialogue so that makes the time

of the story shorter. It can be well explained in 5 mins.J-Yes. The story is relatively simple: problem, solution. This problem is one that threatens the

protagonists night, therefore must be eradicated quickly. The plot plays out very quickly as a

result.

H- Yes. There isnt too much going on

Evaluation:Largely positive points were given to support the view that this works in the 5 minute time

frame. It was said that it is well explained, and gets to the main point very quickly,meaning it is not too complicated. One answer linked to Marylin Milgroms advice of not

having too much dialogue which helps give it a more cinematic feel, without making it to

lengthy. As well as having a clearly recognised problem and solution.


15/22

Do you get a strong sense of place from this synopsis?

C-Yes.A-Yes, there could have been some description of where the caravan was and mention that they

are in the caravan earlier as it is not said until the blinds are opened. I think that the interior is

described well though.J-I get a strong sense of personal place that is the caravan and its inhabitance. I do not get such

a strong sense of the bigger picture, that is a strong sense of nationhood. We are in a caravan,

and the biggest connotation that comes out of this is that of gypsies. Therefore, it may be

advisable to think whether or not these people are travelers or just poverty stricken. If they are

gypsies, explore this convention further, try and gain a sense of their culture (if you can call it

that).H- Yes.Evaluation: Everybody said the got a strong sense of place, primarily due to the amount of

visual detail. However, people said that they couldve benefited from some description of

where the caravan was, which leads to a question brought up by another as to whether theyare travelers or just poverty stricken. The people in my synopsis are not travelers, therefore

i could have made clear their situation more. But all in all they got a nice sense of the

personal space that is caravan and its inhabitants, probably due to the well described

interior.


16/22

Do you think this story is relevant to today? Why?C-Yes because noise pollution is becoming more of a problem, even outside of the situation of

this story (i.e. noise from main roads etc.)A-Yes because some horrors have this type of plot, but usually its a father that kills his family

or something like that. So it is relevant today and is different to the usual horror that uses thiskind of plot.J-Yes, I do. I think that this story at its core stands to represent an aspect of society in its most

dank and depraved. Therefore, it does bare relevance for today. It may resonate stronger is

some of its apparent ambiguities are given more of an explanation (such as whether these people

are part of the gypsy community).

H- Yes. Because crimes like this actually happen and noise pollution happens a lot.Evaluation:

Everybody said that it was relevant to this day and age. A majority of people agreed that this

was because noise pollution is becoming more of a problem. They also agreed that noise

pollution is an issue outside of just this one situation, for example main roads. Another

person mentioned the more literal aspect being the crime, as crimes like this actually

happen, and murders often happen within families. Lastly, someone dug into a more

philosophical element, stating that this story at its core stand to represent an aspect of

society in its most dank and depraved. Therefore, my synopsis succeeds in being instantly

relatable to the audience through such common instances as noise pollution.


17/22

Do you think this story include characters which arent usually represented in

mainstream characters? Who are they? How do you feel about this?C-I think it represents mainstream characters, but this could be a good thing for social realism

because the majority should be able to relate to them.A-I think that the characters are mainstream as there is usually a young man and woman in a

story like this. I think the man is less mainstream towards the end, as most young men don't

murder like this in a story like this, it is usually an older man with a family who turns on them.J-I think that the group as a whole is not represented in mainstream film, namely the lower

working class in Britain. The ending does raise questions as to whether this is an honest

depiction of these people, given that the protagonist is a cold-blooded psychopath. This

representation as a whole seems to correlate poverty with murderwhich, while this may be a

damaging representation for these groups, may also serve to critique the class system as a

whole.

H- They appear to be pretty normal people, which you dont usually get. If theyre living in a

caravan, theyre probably having a tough time. I like the effort to create realistic characters.Evaluation: The fact that these answers were mixed means that i need to make it clearer who i

am representing. Some people thought that these were mainstream characters, whereas

others thought that the group as a whole is not represented in mainstream film. Although

mainstream characters allow the majority...to relate to them, the family in my synopsis were

meant to be lower working class who arent largely represented in mainstream cinema.

However, questions were raised as to whether this is an honest depiction of these people. It

could be interpreted as a damaging representation, but, as the focus group pointed out,

could serves to critique the class system as a whole.


18/22

Do you think the writer is trying to convey a message through this story?C-Have respect for other people and dont have the TV too loud.A-Be considerate of others, when you know there are other people about. If the people making

noise knew the man and woman were in the caravan.J-I think that this story has a message, and the writer has tried to communicate this message

through his story. However, this message appears in a shroud of ambiguity. This is not

necessarily a criticism, merely an observation.

H- Probably that things are tough for these people. I dont know anyone who would go and stay

in a caravan in winter

Evaluation: I got a positive response to this question, as there was a mix of meanings,

showing that every individual interpreted the story differently, whilst also having common

overlap. Respect for other people was a message I tried to convey strongly, primarily by

showing the consequences for the noisemakers actions. However, i understand how somemeanings were hard to gather from the synopsis, as i realise there is a lot of ambiguity. This

is something i can emend in my next draft, making it easier for people to get other messages

such as the poverty these people are facing, as times are tough.


19/22


20/22


21/22

How real do you find the representation of these events?C-They start off realistic but then become more extreme (however that doesnt mean its never

happened before).A-I think that this is a bit real but I don't think that this type of thing happens in real life

enough for this to be completely real, you hear of some people who get angry and lash out but

mostly not to this extent.J-I think the annoyance at the childs loud TV watching is quite faithful to real life. However, as

stated in question two, I do not believe a father can kill a child like that for those reasons, and if

they could why the child wasnt killed before. Although I understand his drastic response is a

key aspect of the narrative, I find its implications about human behaviour somewhat false.H- As they are a little difficult to understand at points and the change is very sudden, it becomes

slightly surreal, but the beginning is especially realistic.

Evaluation:This question gave me a lot of constructive feedback for when i re-draft. For example, i know

that the beginning is especially realistic, but becomes more extreme and surreal. This

shows i need to once again question the ending, this time on its realism. However, i agree

that the story as a whole would benefit from a more realistic ending. Maybe rather than

shooting his child, he beats him? Although, it was stated that the annoyance at the childsloud TV...is quite faithful to real life, but once again the fathers reaction to this seems

drastic, as people sometimes get angry and lash out but mostly not to this extent.


22/22

Evidence for focus group:

Documents

Synopsis focus group